So I didn't know why I kept seeing rubber ducks on devRant. Apparently, I'm not very good at typing today, either.

The result? I now have to explain why I Googled "rubber dick debugging" at work.

if (num == 1) suffix = "st";
else if (num == 2) suffix = "nd";
else if (num == 3) suffix = "rd";
else suffix = "th";

My only issue with Microsoft buying Github is that it's one more step towards full almighty power for the tech giants. Soon everything will be Microsoft, or Google, or Facebook. It'll be like in Demolition Man, where every restaurant is Taco Bell/Pizza Hut.

I’m getting Taco Bell and the speaker screen is just a windows login page for “Hyperactive Bob”

Flashback to when I was in 7th grade

Art teacher: Taco, your focal point is wrong
Me: *looks* ....no it's not
Art teacher: *looks* ...oh, you're right

Fast forward to c++ class

Prof: Taco your calculation is incorrect
Me: *looks* ....no it's not
Prof: *looks* ...oh, you're right

!rant

So the guy who's pretty much in charge of this project allotted three hours yesterday for me to teach another employee how to use the tool I developed.

Within 20 minutes, the employee told me it was pretty straightforward and he didn't really have any questions. The only changes I need to make are minor clarification and organization changes to the documentation.

I feel pretty great.

> in da zone, headphones beating, caffeine rushing through my veins, snack-stack at 75%, code and commands flowing like campaign promises, I'm one with the keyboard... I can feel it ~(◉_◉)~

roomie: Hey J! J!
me: ಠ_ಠ I'm kinda busy, what do you want?
roomie: Dude don't forget to pick up bla bla bla
me: Okay
> Headphones back on, feeling the h4ckx0r fire resurge through my gut like a majestic phoenix (not to be confused with taco tuesday gut fire)
roomie: J...J! dude also make sure bla bla bla
me: ಠ╭╮ಠ I know, you don't need to be so specific with me.
> Headphones on...about to hit play again...
roomie: Dude do you happen to know bla bla bla

(ಥ﹏ಥ)
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

FUCK! just tell me everything at once so I can go back to ignoring you and the irrelevant world around me!

I hate when people do this.

Some dude's sitting next to me on the train pushing his code. Looks like he's on Arch with pure i3.

I like this guy already.

I remember reading a comment on here that as developers, we are really authors. And that has changed how I write (and even read) code. I don't remember who and where it was, but whoever said that: Thank you.

50 euros just TO BE ABLE TO WIPE MY FUCKING ASS

FUCK YOU, PIECE OF SHIT HOARDERS, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BUYING SO MUCH TOILET PAPER

>mail from Trello
>Mail reads: "Taco from Trello"
>My mind: "Wow, food!"
>Body: *moves mail to bin*

Bad news:
Everyone now wants their damn solution done "ASAP". Yet they fail to provide basic information. They never show up at any meeting. And ignore all my emails. FUCK!

Good news:
It's Taco Tuesday.

The day I discovered Schrödinger's lesser known paradox of simultaneously being fired and not fired.

This isn't really much of a dev story, but I figured I'd share it anyway.

About two minutes into signing into all my stuff, I suddenly was kicked out of everything. I tried logging in a few more times, and then suddenly started getting the error, "Your account has been disabled for security reasons." I couldn't sign into chat, and co-workers confirmed that I was missing from the company directory. My manager didn't come in for another two hours, and we couldn't get anyone else to answer what the hell was going on. So I was kinda panicking.

Eventually, we found out from one of our coordinators that someone else with the same name as me was leaving the company, and they had deactivated the wrong person.

It ended up getting a lot better. They told me that it could take up to 48 hours to restore my access (it took longer), so I found stuff to do so I could maintain my paycheck. One of those things was assisting someone with data collection and processing, where I eventually said, "Dude, I could totally automate this," and now that's what I'm getting paid to do.

I’m adding some fucking commas.
It should be trivial, right?
They’re fucking commas. Displayed on a fucking webpage. So fucking hard.

What the fuck is this even? Specifically, what fucking looney morons can write something so fucking complicated it requires following the code path through ten fucking files to see where something gets fucking defined!?

There are seriously so fucking many layers of abstraction that I can’t even tell where the bloody fucking amount transforms from a currency into a string. I’m digging so deep in the codebase now that any change here will break countless other areas. There’s no excuse for this shit.

I have two options:
A) I convert the resulting magically conjured string into a currency again (and of course lose the actual currency, e.g. usd, peso, etc.), or

B) Refactor the code to actually pass around the currency like it’s fucking intended to be, and convert to a string only when displaying. Like it’s fucking intended to be.

Impossible decision here.

If I pick (A) I get yelled at because it’s bloody wrong. “it’s already for display” they’ll say. Except it isn’t. And on top of that, the “legendary” devs who wrote this monstrosity just assumed the currency will always be in USD. If I’m the last person to touch this, I take the blame. Doesn’t matter that “legendary Mr. Apple dev” wrote it this way. (How do I know? It’s not the first time this shit has happened.) So invariably it’ll be up to me to fix anyway.

But if I pick (B) and fix it now, I’ll get yelled at for refactoring their wonderful code, for making this into too big of a problem (again), and for taking on something that’s “just too much for me.” Assholes. My après Taco Bell bathroom experiences look and smell better than this codebase. But seriously, only those two “legendary” devs get to do any real refactoring or make any architecture decisions — despite many of them being horribly flawed. No one else is even close to qualified… and “qualified” apparently means circle jerking it in Silicon Valley with the other better-than-everyone snobs, bragging about themselves and about one another. MojoJojo. “It was terrible, but it fucking worked! It fucking worked!” And “I can’t believe <blah> wanted to fix that thing. No way, this is a piece of history!” Go fuck yourselves.

So sorry I don’t fit in your stupid club.

Oh, and as an pointed, close-at-hand example of their wonderful code? This API call I’m adding commas to (it’s only used by the frontend) uses a json instance variable to store the total, errors, displayed versions of fees/charges (yes they differ because of course they do), etc. … except that variable isn’t even defined anywhere in the class. It’s defined three. fucking. abstraction. layers. in. THREE! AND. That wonderful piece of smelly garbage they’re so proud of can situationally modify all of the other related instance variables like the various charges and fees, so I can’t just keep the original currency around, or even expect the types to remain the same. It’s global variable hell all over again.

Such fucking wonderful code.

I fucking hate this codebase and I hate this fucking company. And I fucking. hate. them.

Fun fact. Taco bell runs on windows.

If anyone feels down, depressed or lonely. Please let me know we can have a google meet call and talk about whatever. You are important and you shouldn't feel alone this season or any other day.

Have a taco

Walk from my office to the cafeteria.

Bump into this one kid, we both good, said sorry and moved on.

Team of what seems volleyball players run by. Nice legs.jpg. continue to walk. Say hi to people st cafeteria.

Damn near 10 mins in taco line...way too many kids. Hold up what are all these kids doing here?

Wall back to office, sit down...then it hits me.

I work at a college. Das why there are so many fucking kids.

Stopid man.

Handing in my resignation letter on April 1st, but then actually leaving.

Not really a prank, that's something I genuinely feel like doing nowadays.

What the fuck, I got a raise last December, which should be reflected in today's paycheck, but it ain't.

Fucking dickheads, let's see what's going on here.

Introducing my new best friend!
The start of a great collection of devDucks :D

High school. The teacher in IT made some learning platform for the school in PHP. There was a module where you could upload files.

You could just upload a PHP file, and get it to run by accessing it through a direct link.

I just applied for a job in Australia.
I live in Europe....

Pro-tip to self: Getting syntax errors on your If-Than statements? Try using If-Then instead!

*facepalms at own stupidity*

Start a cheese factory in a similar fashion to Willie Wonka. The most exquisite cheeses will be produced, incomparably tasty to anything on the market right now.

Even as a developer, there is still a brief number when I look at an app's version, see something like 1.9, and think, "Ooh! Version 2 must be coming soon!"

I'm not particularly proud.

age++

My back hurts

!Rant
I love my mugs

Haven't been here for a long time, kinda amazed I still had an account to be honest. There used to be a bunch of people I chatted with regularly on here, but my mentally ill self decided at some point to self sabotage (surprise surprise) and cut contact with almost everyone.

That said I've gone through quite a bit of therapy, which has definitely improved my outlook on life and allowed me to do some much needed self reflection. Has that made life better? Hard to say, but I like to think I've got a grasp on my mental health now, with the occasional relapse, because shit's a 🌈process🌈.

I'd like to apologize for the hurt I've caused some people here, you know who you are. My behaviour at times has been inexcusable. There's no sugarcoating it.

The past years have been a rollercoaster to say the least. Switched jobs multiple times. Went from doing frontend exclusively, to fullstack, then backend, and now engineering lead responsible for all architecture and infrastructure, learning a lot about myself and people around me along the way. Somehow I managed to get into a somewhat stable relationship, which is still a big WTF from time to time. The company I currently work for has had a metric fuckton of layoffs, just like the company I worked for before that. I can tell the lack of stability in work still affects my mental health a lot, but seeing how I've been growing a lot personally while the market seemingly has gone to shit gives me some level of confidence. I'll be alright.

This is mostly a sign of life to whom it may concern. I'm alive, existence is dreadful but manageable, shit's hard, but it's all gonna be okay in the end. I may or may not post a rant from time to time, as management loves unrealistic deadlines, and the PM can't say no to the CEO for some reason so her work ends up on my plate most of the time as well. Oh and of course the primary product of the company had a codebase which made me want to gorge my eyes out. So yeah, plenty to rant about.

When your new build is compiling and just scooting right along so you think... sure, I could go for some food. No. Nope. Not even. It chooses the exact moment you leave to nope the fuck out completely with the most random compiler errors that you would have never seen had you just been sitting there in the chair. It's like it knows. Maybe next time I leave I'll promise to bring it back a taco.

[meta-rant]

I don't get all of the OS hate here. Like, computers, and the variety of environments in which users use them, are our job. In my mind, Linux is popular, Windows is popular, macOS is popular—if I want to make it as a developer, shouldn't I understand how all three work and how to make them work for me?

When I read stuff here, I feel like there are people here who would think less of me because of what OS I prefer. That sentiment is kind of bothersome.

Using your phone in Dutch trains is like trying to have sex during an earthquake.

Yes, I did have trouble typing this.

So...you downloaded a new keyboard you can't get it out of the second person. You don't know what to do. Help you, please.

Something I'm working on at work needs a code name. How do y'all come up with code names for your projects?

Ayy it's time to move! About fucking time. Been wanting to move for a year or two now.

I'm fucking done.

I honestly can't see how developers like to work for years on a single project. Nothing on the side, just the one project. Fuck I'm a year in and I've already been pushing my patience.

After working on something for half a year I want some diversity, but every time I ask for it I get the "we need you doing this" card. I've asked plenty of times for my manager to find someone else to do part of my work, and every time I get the same thing. "We're looking for someone, don't worry". Yeah my ass you've been saying that for months and I still haven't seen a job opening.

Honestly, in a month or so I'm gonna tell my manager that I'm quitting soon, so he has some time to actually go look for someone. If he doesn't, not my problem.

For real though, the company is nice, people are chill, I'm just lacking challenge, and no matter how many times I bring it up, nothing's being done with it.

What will I do when I quit? I have no fucking clue, but anything's better than doing the same repetitive shit day in day out. Fuck it I'll probably go balls deep on my own projects for a few months, see if I can generate an income there.
If that doesn't work out I'll just go back to the life of sucking someone's dick for a monthly salary.

Happy new year from Shibuya!
Fucking antifa communists came and ruined it right after new year though..

What is it with this sudden surge in shitty memes? Is it normal around this time?

Might just filter out the random category completely if this holds on. Ironic.

I just ate a kilo of spaghetti and now I feel sick

Cloud2Butt. Makes browsing any cloud-related websites and docs AMAZING.

I was working at a doctors office while going to (and still attending) college. Everyone knew my major was computer science which meant everyone came to me when their browser didn't open. The night before April fools I turned off all of the wireless mice and used a label maker to print out "April Fools" on the bottom of each mouse next to the "on/off switch." This prank is miniscule in comparison to others here I'm sure, but the next day was my day off and I had the entire office calling me asking me to come in and fix it. "Taco what do we do???" They frantically asked. And so I very calmly said, "Did you turn the mouse over?" And hung up.

I am fucking drunk

Server migration status:

One of our Windows servers took less than 20 mins. SSL and bla bla everything done.

Linux server was a lil bitch but we got it going for the most part .....sigh...

Still using Linux as my primary desktop at home but geezus man. We really need a dedicated master wizard Linux sys admin for this mofocka

Today's accomplishments:
- Actually got the fuck out of bed this morning

- Fixed the RCA connector on the CRT I got from a friend (I got scared while discharging it but it turned out fine). Basically the metal piece that carries the signal through the connector was bent to hell and sticking out, so I desoldered it, bent it right again, put it in, and resoldered it.

- Went to taco bell twice within 8 hours

- Sat and talked with a couple friends for like 2 hours after school

- Met and briefly talked to a very cute girl that my friend introduced me to. She has colored hair (I REALLY like colored hair) and she vapes. So perfect girl for me.

- FINALLY FUCKING STARTED LAUNDRY

Things I didn't accomplish today:

- Working on the web page I posted about this morning

- Getting to school on time (ONE DAY I WILL)

- Staying in school once I was actually there (left during my 6th period to go to taco bell the second time, first time today was in the morning after I was already late to school cause they won't let me into class if I'm late)

- Fixing the boot errors on my laptop (sometimes when I boot it fucking freezes after flushing the journal, I've been trying to figure it out for a while but I have no fucking clue)

- Figuring out why my PS2 doesn't want to recognize controllers or memory cards (got a new motherboard and now it just isn't recognizing the controller/memory card, I feel like some of the traces broke at some point while it was apart??)

Ran an app release yesterday, adding some new stuff and fixing a few bugs. Was scared this morning because APM didn't have any errors and the app was already in use by half of the userbase.

Turns out it's the most stable release so far! Day's all good again :D

Can someone please tell my why the fuck Windows would need 1.2 gigs of video memory? For fucks sake this is in a VM there's nothing on here but RDR2

The past two years since I've started working, I've never taken a holiday. Today, I was forced to go on paid leave for 3 weeks. Feels weird but kinda exciting at the same time :D

In the end I'll probably be programming half the time anyway...

Apparently the Schiphol (dutch airport) WiFi has a nice "feature" which makes the user think they need to accept terms, instead it's a checkbox saying "I want to do a survey for a free iPad". Talk about shitty UX...

Had a nightmare that scared the LIVING SHIT out of me for some reason where a DoorDash delivery guy was using a new DoorDash feature where drivers rate customers and are allowed to attack their homes. He gave me a shit review for ordering Taco Bell and started throwing mexican food at my window and holy shit I woke up TERRIFIED. It took me a long ass time to recover from the shakes. I have no idea why it scared me this damn bad, it’s not like I was chased by a zombie with a rocket launcher 😂😂

More people getting fired yaaaaay /s

Everyone now works from home.. We don't even have a choice we need to work from home now.

Why does a flu during flu season scare people so much?? Honestly..

Worst part of being a dev?

Explaining the issue simply enough for the business while not looking like im purposely dumbing down what i do.

"The thing failed to connect due to an issue on the service side. Think of trying to order taco bell while its closed for cleaning."

Lol wtf

This is for a medior position

Mmmm new screen protector and case for foon 😁

Old screen protector was burnt and nasty in general, new one has a matte finish. The case has the same colour as the back, but doesn't show how I let my phone drop and crack the glass, huehue

Yes I'm happy now my foon looks good again

What do you do when you're physically tired, but unable to sleep?

I'm starting to relate to the brain keeping you up meme..

Dis dude @ODXT. First actual friend I made at the job. Magician that showed me the BS and Magic workarounds in report development using SAP. Also GM, Taco Accomplice, and Ramen connoisseur. Really happy to call him a friend, mentor, and partner in (food) crime

I honestly do not understand the hate for Macs. I know I'm not the first to rant about it, but it's sad that I have to. Yes, you can build a crazy PC with 172828 cores over-clocked to 79Thz for like $7 and have a taco along with it, but that's not the point. Each of them are good for their own things. Maybe, I don't want to spend the first 13 hours figuring out which version of Linux I need to run after I get a computer. I mean give me a break. Each of them are personal preferences. What people often don't see in Macs are value you get with service and surprisingly useful default apps (I'm looking at you Open office) and a solid feature set. Why am I even writing this, it's fucking 2AM.

I love being a part of a dev project as a non-dev employee, but I really wish I could leave VBA.

If for no other reason, because I'm tired of writing functions that end with "Me.Cells(Row, Column).Value" practically in my sleep.

There are a lot of other reasons, though...

Say what you will about macOS. I just finished a task that was supposed to take me all day in 3 hours, and half of that was re-familiarizing myself with AppleScript.

I have been on crunch time for so long, with so many hours I don't even know what day of the week it is. I legitimately had to look it up. I also calculated my hourly rate for the last 3.5 weeks, and I was making the same as a grocery store bagger! Being salaried sucks in times like this. I am paid peanuts.

Last night I woke up every 30 minutes in a panic I was late to work. This job is killing me, and all because the sales team sold the product on an unrealistic deadline, for no money...

In addition, I am gaining weight, haven't seen my family for any significant period of time for ages, and Taco Bell knows me by name and order...

On that note, next Monday I am going to go into my boss' office, and demand like a 50%-75% raise! I am terrified! Haha

Migraines are fun though. THE PAIN PROVES I AM ALIVE!

Thought I'd be nice and open one of those railway gates for a lady (it was broken, so everyone had to in order to get to the trains). Did that, lady thanked me, and dropped the gate on my head....

Great morning so far!

There are advantages to being really hungry and having some sensory issues. I went and got tacos from the taco bus today. I sat at my desk to eat them. I was really hungry today.

As I started eating them I could feel the hot of the salsa causing all my nerves in my mouth to really trip out. I could taste the meat, the sauce, the tortilla, and the cheese at a heightened sensation. As I was chewing the first few bites I literally shook a bit as the smorgasbord of pleasure sensations shot through my mouth. I could feel my eyes rolling back in my head. I didn't know one could have a mouthgasm. The sensations were so intense.

I have had this happen before, but never this intense or memorable. I felt like I would have been embarrassed to eat like this in front of other people. If this is something I can repeat I would be inclined to starve myself to make myself extra hungry to experience this again. What a nice surprise for lunch. Nobody expects surprise mouth sex. (Idea of new Monty Python skit?)

I have to say I would have to leave an anonymous review for the taco bus if I were to relay the mouthgasm event. Is this the start of a new fetish? Now I am sensually attracted to tacos. Well done taco bus, well done.

Hand sanitizers, wet wipes, basic hygiene standards. Nothing much yet.

Trains here are eerily silent though.

so i was eating my taco right and this fucking bird gets in because my outside door is open, and he fucking starts tapping on the glass and running into it. this guy literally took 3 minutes to escape and almost died. what the fuck

I think my mail server is having a stroke

favorite item of the moment is the printout tracking my progress through the new taco shop's menu

I've always been unsure if I was good enough to consider myself a developer, but at my first job out of college, I've convinced the right people that I know my shit. Now I'm on project writing a VBA script that compiles some pretty important data.

It's not huge, but it's still pretty unheard of as a customer support contractor at this major company.

Arrived half an hr too early at an onsen, so now I'm just reading up random stuff regarding design systems.

On another note, I have no idea if I'm able to communicate with the people here 🙃

Say you'd have a dev apply for a job after only 6 months into his previous job, what would be your thoughts on that?

Would you outright reject the applicant? If not, wwyd?

Why the fuck is MQL C++ based? Why not make a simple scripting language which gets interpreted by your application? I don't want to write headers and definitions constantly, I'm just trying to write a trading indicator ffs

And now I find some students talking about Java and Python in the train...

When you try and compile for iOS using TACO and you get an error message about an android icon file missing *wears the wtf hat*

Pro tip:

Don't make stateful singletons. Just spent an entire fucking morning debugging because one of those fuckers was trying to use prod, and not the demo environment.

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Recovering Stolen Bitcoin: How To Retrieve Hacked Or Drained Bitcoin wallet → HACKATHON TECH SOLUTIONS

Loosing $275,000 was like watching my dreams go up in ashes. That kind of money was supposed to finance my second food truck—a milestone towards growing my small taco business. But instead, with a careless click, it was gone.
It started with what seemed like an ordinary SMS. It was Coinbase, telling me about suspicious action on my Bitcoin wallet. I was racing in my heart. I panicked. I clicked without thinking and supplied them with information. Within minutes, my wallet was drained—$275,000, every penny I'd earned in six years, stolen.
I was sick. Ashamed. Angry with myself. I thought I was safe on the net, but I got caught. I didn't even tell my family at first—I couldn't bear their disillusionment.
That day, doing tacos from my food truck, I was half-awake. I got a couple orders mixed up, I guess, because one of my regular customers—a nice, affable man I called "Professor Mike"—picked up that something was amiss. After I finally, explosively exclaimed what occurred, he didn't tease or reprimand me. He only nodded and responded, "Call HACKATHON TECH SOLUTIONS. Trust me."
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I gazed upon that balance look, I cried. Over there in the truck, near the salsa booth.
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