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You know what?
Young cocky React devs can suck my old fuckin LAMP and Objective-C balls.
Got a new freelance job and got brought in to triage a React Native iOS/Android app. Lead dev's first comment to me is: "Bro, have you ever used React Native".
To which I had to reply to save my honor publicly, "No, but I have like 8 years with Objective-C and 3 years with Swift, and 3 years with Node, so I maybe I'll still be able help. Sometimes it just helps to have a fresh set of eyes."
"Well, nobody but me can work on this code."
And that, as it turned out was almost true.
After going back and forth with our PM and this dev I finally get his code base.
"Just run "npm install" he says".
Like no fuckin shit junior... lets see if that will actually work.
Node 14... nope whole project dies.
Node 12 LTS... nope whole project dies.
Install all of react native globally because fuck it, try again... still dies.
Node 10 LTS... project installs but still won't run or build complaining about some conflict with React Native libraries and Cocoa pods.
Go back to my PM... "Um, this project won't work on any version of Node newer than about 5 years old... and even if it did it still won't build, and even if it would build it still runs like shit. And even if we fix all of that Apple might still tell us to fuck off because it's React Native.
Spend like a week in npm and node hell just trying to fucking hand install enough dependencies to unfuck this turds project.
All the while the original dev is still trying TO FIX HIS OWN FUCKING CODE while also being a cocky ass the entire time. Now, I can appreciate a cocky dev... I was horrendously cocky in my younger days and have only gotten marginally better with age. But if you're gonna be cocky, you also have to be good at it. And this guy was not.
Lo, we're not done. OG Dev comes down with "Corona Virus"... I put this in quotes because the dude ends up drawing out his "virus" for over 4 months before finally putting us in touch with "another dev team he sometimes uses".
Next, me and my PM get on a MS Teams call with this Indian house. No problems there, I've worked with the Indians before... but... these are guys are not good. They're talking about how they've already built the iOS build... but then I ask them what they did to sort out the ReactNative/Cocoa Pods conflict and they have no idea what I'm talking about.
Why?
Well, one of these suckers sends a link to some repo and I find out why. When he sends the link it exposes his email...
This Indian dude's emails was our-devs-name@gmail.com...
We'd been played.
Company sued the shit out of the OG dev and the Indian company he was selling off his work to.
I rewrote the app in Swift.
So, lets review... the React dev fucked up his own project so bad even he couldn't fix it... had to get a team of Indians to help who also couldn't fix it... was still a dickhead to me when I couldn't fix it... and in the end it was all so broken we had to just do a rewrite.
None of you get npm. None of you get React. None of you get that doing the web the way Mark Zucherberg does it just makes you a choad locked into that ecosystem. None of you can fix your own damn projects when one of the 6,000 dependency developers pushes breaking changes. None of you ever even bother with "npm audit fix" because if security was a concern you'd be using a server side language for fucking server side programming like a grown up.
So, next time a senior dev with 20 years exp. gets brought in to help triage a project that you yourself fucked up... Remember that the new thing you know and think makes you cool? It's not new and it's not cool. It's just JavaScript on the server so you script kiddies never have to learn anything but JavaScript... which makes you inarguably worse programmers.
And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... this shit ain't new and I've got a dozen of my own Node daemons running right now... difference is?
Mine are still working.34 -
I'm graduating today! loads of pictures will be taken today AND GUESS WHO JUST WOKE UP WITH A BIG MOTHERFUCKING RED INFECTED EYE FOR THE FIRST TIME OF HIS ENTIRE FATHERFUCKING LIFE. YES MOTHERFUCKING YES IT'S ME FUCKING COCK SUCKERS FUUUUUUUUUUU 😭😡37
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Anyone know this bitch hacker 127.0.0.1 story?
WORST HACKERS OF ALL TIME
CONTINUED IN THE COMMENTS BECUASE IT IS SO LONG...
TLdr bitch hacker hacks himself by localhost
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can’t you discus normally
<bitchchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn’t kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you’re stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you’re so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What’s up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don’t know
<bitchchecker> i’m 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn’t know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you’re afraid
<bitchchecker> i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall
<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can’t hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..30 -
Manager: Oh my god have you heard of libraries? I don’t even need to hire developers anymore, everything can just be done with code other people have already built for free
Dev: Well you actually cause a bit of technical debt when you use an abstrac—
Manager: EVERY TICKET SHOULD BE DONE USING LIBRARIES GOING FORWARD.
Dev: …This is going to implode…Can we at least fund some of the libraries we end up using?
Manager: WHAT? NO! Open source developers are suckers, what idiot puts code on the internet for free?? I shouldn’t be required to fund their stupidity. Let’s just take their stuff and make money with it.
Dev: *Phone rings 100th time today from recruiter*. One sec I have to take this call……It’s urgent.13 -
Lads, I will be real with you: some of you show absolute contempt to the actual academic study of the field.
In a previous rant from another ranter it was thrown up and about the question for finding a binary search implementation.
Asking a senior in the field of software engineering and computer science such question should be a simple answer, specifically depending on the type of job application in question. Specially if you are applying as a SENIOR.
I am tired of this strange self-learner mentality that those that have a degree or a deep grasp of these fundamental concepts are somewhat beneath you because you learned to push out a website using the New Boston tutorials on youtube. FOR every field THAT MATTERS a license or degree is hold in high regards.
"Oh I didn't go to school, shit is for suckers, but I learned how to chop people up and kinda fix it from some tutorials on youtube" <---- try that for a medical position.
"Nah it's cool, I can fix your breaks, learned how to do it by reading blogs on the internet" <--- maintenance shop
"Sure can write the controller processing code for that boing plane! Just got done with a low level tutorial on some websites! what can go wrong!"
(The same goes for military devices which in the past have actually killed mfkers in the U.S)
Just recently a series of people were sent to jail because of a bug in software. Industries NEED to make sure a mfker has aaaall of the bells and whistles needed for running and creating software.
During my masters degree, it fucking FASCINATED me how many mfkers were absolutely completely NEW to the concept of testing code, some of them with years in the field.
And I know what you are thinking "fuck you, I am fucking awesome" <--- I AM SURE YOU BLOODY WELL ARE but we live in a planet with billions of people and millions of them have fallen through the cracks into software related positions as well as complete degrees, the degree at LEAST has a SPECTACULAR barrier of entry during that intro to Algos and DS that a lot of bitches fail.
NOTE: NOT knowing the ABSTRACTIONS over the tools that we use WILL eventually bite you in the ASS because you do not fucking KNOW how these are implemented internally.
Why do you think compiler designers, kernel designers and embedded developers make the BANK they made? Because they don't know memory efficient ways of deploying a product with minimal overhead without proper data structures and algorithmic thinking? NOT EVERYTHING IS SHITTY WEB DEVELOPMENT
SO, if a mfker talks shit about a so called SENIOR for not knowing that the first mamase mamasa bloody simple as shit algorithm THROWN at you in the first 10 pages of an algo and ds book, then y'all should be offended at the mkfer saying that he is a SENIOR, because these SENIORS are the same mfkers that try to at one point in time teach other people.
These SENIORS are the same mfkers that left me a FUCKING HORRIBLE AND USELESS MESS OF SPAGHETTI CODE
Specially to most PHP developers (my main area) y'all would have been well motherfucking served in learning how not to forLoop the fuck out of tables consisting of over 50k interconnected records, WHAT THE FUCK
"LeaRniNG tHiS iS noT neeDed!!" yes IT fucking IS
being able to code a binary search (in that example) from scratch lets me know fucking EXACTLY how well your thought process is when facing a hard challenge, knowing the basemotherfucking case of a LinkedList will damn well make you understand WHAT is going on with your abstractions as to not fucking violate memory constraints, this-shit-is-important.
So, will your royal majesties at least for the sake of completeness look into a couple of very well made youtube or book tutorials concerning the topic?
You can code an entire website, fine as shit, you will get tested by my ass in terms of security and best practices, run these questions now, and it very motherfucking well be as efficient as I think it should be(I HIRE, NOT YOU, or your fucking blog posts concerning how much MY degree was not needed, oh and btw, MY degree is what made sure I was able to make SUCH decissions)
This will make a loooooooot of mfkers salty, don't worry, I will still accept you as an interview candidate, but if you think you are good enough without a degree, or better than me (has happened, told that to my face by a candidate) then get fucking ready to receive a question concerning: BASIC FUCKING COMPUTER SCIENCE TOPICS
* gays away into the night53 -
So we where given a project with a deadline already set behind our backs and we have to give our deadline despite not knowing wtf we have to do exactly ...
They asked us to don't ask too much time because the budget can't afford too much time...
I'm here thinking: WTF?!
THEY PASSED A FUCKING DEADLINE AND PRICES TO THE FUCKING CLIENT WITHOUT ASKING ANY! ANY MOTHERFUCKING DEV ABOUT IT!!!
We asked them so many fucking questions on the first meeting that they were fucking baffled about everything but kept playing cool like "well, this project is already set and we are gonna have to deal with it"
Bunch of motherfucking stupid cock suckers , go die agonizing on your own vomit and if ask my help I'm gonna answer "well, you gonna have to deal with it because you are already fucked"2 -
Every fucking time its the same shit:
Our nontechnical managers meet with the client and try to pass technical requirements to us..
These pieces of shit don't get that this only makes things worse.
Making everyone waste fucking time trying to understand requirements that would be a lot fucking easier if any of us were is any fucking meeting.
But nooooo... We have to fucking be the whole team in fucking meetings with these cock suckers so they can realize they didn't get shit and the back and forth bullshit begins:
We ask questions
They don't know
They schedule meeting with client
They ask their moronic way
The client answers
They schedule meeting with us
We ask questions...
And this fucking loop goes on for-fucking-EVER!
Fuuuuuuck this!!7 -
Apple you drove of delusional suckers! When will your retarded fashion devices finally support WEBP?!
A gallery page with images, and thanks to WEBP, it's 408 kB. Because Google made WEBP and handed out a well documented CLI FOSS compression tool that even can convert the source PNGs to lossy WEBP with bloody transparency. Well done, Google!
Except that Apple's shitty management can't take it that Google actually made something nice, so no WEBP. Instead, JPEG-2000 that enjoys nearly no fucking tool support. The free tools that even can deal with that mostly don't support transparency, and the encoder sucks donkeys so that JPEG still fucks JPEG-2000 big time.
So it's JPEG with matching background for iOS. Fine, but since JPEG's blocky artifacts are much more visible, the compression can't be that high, and it's 769 kB. That's 88% more image data for Shittari than for non-retarded browsers and even Edge! EDGE!!
Oh and if the user changes light/dark system mode according to surrounding light conditions, guess what happens? Yep, since JPEG doesn't support transparency, now it's different JPEGs with dark background via the media query in the "picture" element, and it's another 754 kB download. Bloody 1523 kB instead of 408 kB, that's a factor of 3.7!
Fuck your ass Crapple, with an electric eel!19 -
Fuck it. It's Friday EOD.
Enough is enough.
It's time to close my lappy and go for a nice long stroll, get all those work thoughts out of my RAM and get ready for two whole days of slacking!!!!
See you next week, suckers!5 -
!dev
Just sold my car waaayyy under it’s worth just because I don’t have much time left to relocate.
And those fuck faces want me to pay half of THEIR transport costs..
The both of us just signed a fucking contract you morons.
Read the contracts you write before giving them to anyone.
Good for me that I did.
Fucking unfriendly assholes trying to rip people off twice in a row..
They make immigrants look bad just because those guys are fucking idiots..
They didn’t get another penny from me those cock suckers..
And now, a good evening too all of you.
Just8littlebyte out! *mic drop*2 -
So I installed Avast because I was downloading some torrents.
After months I suddenly hear a really loud "*ping* *ping* *ping* Eine Bedrohung wurde gefunden". I nearly got a heart attack. I thought I've got a fucking maleware shitty fuck thing, but I had no idea how I could find out where the fuck it was coming from. So I ignored it.
Then, weeks later again: "*ping* *ping* *ping* Eine Bedrohung wurde gefunden", while I was browsing the web.
I thought it was coming from a website so I looked through every tab and window. But nothing.
So I googled the exact sentence it said, and voila:
The first result was from the avast support site.
I opened avast and looked into the settings. There! A checkbox to turn it off! These fucking cock suckers enabled it by default!
It was the first time I enjoyed clicking a fucking checkbox. FUCK YOU AVAST!!!
Why is AntiVirus Software so shitty these days... I'll probably just switch to Windows Defender.9 -
Things that seem "simple" but end up taking a long ass time to actually deploy into production:
1. Using a new payment processor:
"It's just a simple API, I'll be done in 2 hours"
LOL sure it is, but testing orders and setting up a sandbox or making sure you have credentials right, and then switching from test to life and retesting, and then... fuck
2. Making changes to admin stats.
"'I just have to add this column and remove that one... maybe like a couple of hours"
YOU WISH
3. Anything Javascript
"Hah, what, that's like a button, np"
125 minutes later...
console.log('before foo');
console.log(this.foo)
etc..2 -
How to conduct yourself in a job interview
Simple test"Write a for loop".
First, write some nonsense bullshit for twenty minutes. Then, when you realize time is up, pass to the next question. After write more nonsense bullshit in SQL and jQuery, it's time to breath fast and panic.
Deliver your exam.
Pack your stuff and go to a cave where nobody ever will find you, cry the next three years and commit to a life of self punishment, shame and tears.
That's how you nail a job interview, suckers.3 -
Dear Facebook.
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING CUNTS.
The next time you upgrade your piece of shit application on iOS and remove stuff from their place which makes me search all the way your crap battery vacuum application until i fuckin find it i will come to your office find that dumb zuckerberk and push the fuckin chair he sits at down to his throat.
Same goes for your retarded website.
Suckers.1 -
Hello Apple. Let me tell you something.
Even though i like your phones. I ABSOLUTELY WANT TO FUCKIN KILL YOU FOR YOUR HEADPHONES.
It's unbelievable you cock suckers, evey time the same shit happens.
WHY THE FUCK YOUR FUCKIN HEADPHONES AFTER 3-4 MONTHS START TO BEHAVE LIKE THEY ARE FUCKIN RETARDED.
1st headphones, they started changing songs randomly. That was back when i had iphone6.
It's ok i said, happens. Then i bought the iphone 7 and the headphones started behaving like that after some months. Again. Didn't say anything, i still liked them. So i went to buy the same headphones but for iphone6, with the 3.5mm jack. AND NOW THE SAME SHIT HAPPENS. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKIN HEADPHONES AND YOUR FUCKIN 200€ HEADPHONES. COCKSUCKERS.
So, anyone knows any good quality headphones?
FUCK YOU APPLE.2 -
Well I recently decided to apply for a job although I was planning to go to college in full time this October.
I saw the job ad whilst being active on Stack Overflow. As I just finished my apprenticeship some months ago, I decided to call the firm and ask if I can apply. I clearly stated what I have done before and what knowledge I've gained and what I'm not able/willing to do.
I was "allowed" to apply and additionally took two coding challenges (I completed all tasks with the correct results) as well as a one-hour telephone interview.
After that I almost immediately got invited to a personal job interview after the firm's boss agreed.
The meeting ran very well and I was able to correctly answer almost all questions. Although I was applying for a complete backend position I was asked unconditionally many questions about frontend/webdesign, what I clearly stated that I'm not good at this and thus also not looking for a job with such an requirement.
Two days later I got the response form the HR, that they were looking for some more experienced (within a professional software development team) which I didn't because I was mostly working as the programmer and IT guy in non-IT department in the company I worked before. That hasn't been a mystery I wasn't telling before. 😮😮😮😮
But HR additionally told me, they noticed - whilst in the recruitment process with me - that they already have enough backend devs and are seeking for a frontend dev instead.
Well then why the f*ck do you upload a job ad when you suckers don't need that position? And why the hell do you think you then have to waste my time with a frontend-oriented interview? Get your shit on the way and just invite people you really want to employ.
So rethink. Much wow.1 -
!wk94
Those meetings.
Those bloody meetings are nothing but time suckers. Much akin to some family event where they bring everyone together, regardless of their relevance to the agenda.
Also, the fact that we have been scheduling some important meeting always since 2 fucking months, only to be declined ALWAYS. The bloody meeting has been floating as an action item for 2 months, but none gives a fuck.
But no, we want to have meetings about meetings, and meetings about why a meeting didn't happen.
Also they ask us to stretch and accommodate, sucking time out of dev.
W H Y ?1 -
This is a story of a lovely lady.
she had several clips of bills stuffed in her dress
and a frustrated programmer
found that they were there where I had pressed.. them.
now heres a story of a crap economy that gave quite more than a hunch that to hang on to your well paying shit job, gets their panties in a great big bunch
a great big bunch a great big bunch
keep your job and in their nuts
they feel a punch :P
now dont you chase no, brand new techy, most of it for complete suckers. by the time that its usuable, the company that made it gave up :P
it gave up
it just gave up
if it was real in the first place at all it just gave up :P34 -
I don't know how post works in other countries, but seems the most retarded way to work is in mine.
When an item you have ordered arrives to local post(no ups, acs) the post sends you a small paper that says that you can go and pick the thing you have ordered.
So today i come home from a morning meeting about a programming job as a university student, which made me feel good and see that paper has arrived. The item i ordered is a programming book.
Well, getting excited since i waited about 2 weeks, i get it and go to the post office. After waiting almost 1 hour my turn comes. I go to pick it and the employee tells me COME TOMORROW TO PICK IT UP.
YO
YOU FUCKIN SUCKERS, IF IT'S MEANT TO GET IT TOMORROW DONT FUCKIN SEND ME THAT FUCKIN PAPER WHICH WRITES THAT MY FUCKIN ORDER ARRIVED TODAY.
LOSING MY TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKIN RETARDED AND THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW. AUTISTIC FUCKS. I'M GONNA GET THAT FUCKIN BOOK AND SMASH YOUR HEAD WITH IT -
I read this rant about IE (https://www.devrant.io/rants/514347) but could not relate to it (I use Linux MS suckers!) So I thought I'd post a browser rant of my own, and this time it is about Chrome (or Blink since it also affects Opera). Whenever I start typing localhost Chrome suggests "localhost" but when I click this suggestion it takes me to a Google search result when all I really wanted was to test a webapp on my dev box. This is very annoying every time.
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