Fullstack developer Job ad:
........ Building the next generation of IOT. Innovation that will change the way internet works.

Requiremenets:
- wordpress
...

Get a load of this
https://twitter.com/skirani/status/...

Some ideas for variable names. Thank me later :))

1. bool sheet;
2. int entionally;
3. char mander;
4. double penetration;
5. string cheese;
6. long schlong;

Me: this App is not working ...

... Few minutes later ...

Me: Can someone help me?
Coworker approaches : Are you trying to modify the bundle.js file?
Me: ...

Coworker tells the whole team and they start laughing at me 🤦‍♂️

Saw this on Reddit

"Windows search, the most robust, helpful feature!" - No one.

Me: *hours of coding, develops a feature*
Code: I'm working..
Me: Oh good.. will monitor you for sometime.
Code: Ok, I'm done. I'll stop working now.
Me: WTF

Me: *sits for hours to solve bugs*
And when almost done,
VPN: Someone's having a good day, I'll disconnect you now.
Me: WTF

Me: *tries switching on/off VPN couple of times..*
When it starts to connect,
WIFI: Oh wait!! It's my turn to bid goodbye now. Have a nice day sir
Me: Of course !! The wifi

Me: *restarts router/ troubleshoot etc*
When wifi says connected...
Battery: Good job with wifi.. I'm down now..what you gonna do?
Me: Are you fucking kidding me???

Me: *connects charger, wait for laptop to switch on*
Windows: Updating....
Me: *jumps out window*

Got rejected and humiliated during a job interview by a team leader. Depression hit me so hard that I began crying as soon as I got out of the company building. I feel like there's no place for a fucking noob like me.

Client asks for redesign to look more like XYZ site.

I deliver a redesign to look more like XYZ site.

Client wants the site to look more like his old site. But different. Gives extensive instructions on how to design his website to his liking.

At some point, I think I'll be owing him money for his design/dev services, not the other way around.

What is it with these people?

(Interview for sde-3 position)
(continuation of https://devrant.com/rants/2132431/... )

Interviewer - *opens laptop. Gives a question.* solve this.

Me - *a bit surprised that such questions were being asked on a sde-3 level*
this is the 4th or 5th question from geeksforgeeks, isn't it? I know the answer to this. Do u still want me to solve it?

Interviewer - *not believing me* Yes

Me - okay. Well this *writing down the original solution mentioned on the site* is the verbatim code mentioned on the website, with complexity O(n^2).
However I feel this is not the optimal solution. Let me write a better solution.
*I provide a better solution*
This has a complexity of O(n log n) . What do you think?

Interviewer - Nope. This could be a lot better.

Me - okay. Let me see. Did some minor changes, added some caching (obviously this will have no effect on the base algorithm) etc
How about now?

Interviewer - nope. Still not good.

Me - okay. Can you tell me how to improve it?

Interviewer - no we are not allowed to solve problems for you. It is not our interview, it is yours.

Me - that makes no sense. Interviews are a two way street. I'd very much like to know the optimal answer to this.

Interviewer - okay
*copies down the answer from geeksforgeeks*
This is good

Me - *at first I thought this was a prank or something. *
I just mentioned this answer here.
Then I spent the next 10 minutes providing a BETTER solution.
May I know how yours is better?

Interviewer - this solution has 2-3 loops. Yours has a function calling itself.

Me - that's called divide and conquer using recursion mf!
Anyways let's take an example and do a dry run.

Interviewer - okay

*we do dry run*

Interviewer - oh yes. Yours ran faster. But it will run fast only sometimes.

Me - yes. Each time the algorithm rolls a dice to decide if it should run fast or slow. You have one goddamn awesome weed dealer man.
I got to go. Thank you for meeting me.

When you merge your own pull request....

Still awaiting my async enlightenment 😝

"FOAAS (Fuck Off As A Service) provides a modern, RESTful, scalable solution to the common problem of telling people to fuck off."
https://foaas.com/

I think the world needed this

Living my best life, not too far from my computer, in the shade, with coffee 😁✌️hope you're all having a great day

##REAL STORY##
Friend: Hey there, I have a Java Exam after one hour and I have a question for you.

Me: Great ! How can I help

F: They will give us a problem and ask us to solve it by writing a Java code.

Me: Okay,

F: That's it.

Me: Good, so were's the question.

F: Come on, of course I want to know how to solve it.

Me: Absolute Silence.

Me: friendsList.removeAll();

~During app demo to our client~

- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙

That's why I never believe common sense when I write Javascript.

every single fuckening day

HR people working in tech companies, let's talk about them...

*phone rings and I pick up*
HR Lady: Hi, this is [name] from [company]. I'm calling you regarding your application you submitted [some date 2 months ago!].

Me: *realizing that I've applied 2 freaking months ago* Hmmm OK....

HR Lady: Yes, well, we asked for your GitHub account, but you seem to have forgotten to provide it.

Me: *open up the email and see that I've sent them my GitLab account* Well, I have the email right here and I did send you a git account. I mean, it's not GitHub specifically but it's a GitLab account, pretty much the same thing, you should be good with that.

HR Lady: OK, let me put you on hold for a minute.

*2-3 minutes passes*

HR Lady: Hi sir, I've asked my colleague [which I suppose is another HR] and he told me that they're not the same thing, we cannot proceed until you give us the right link, you need to send us a link to your GitHub account.

Me: I mean, they aren't the SAME EXACT thing, but both companies provide essentially the same service, it's like Messenger and WhatsApp. Look, I'm pretty sure that if you give this to another programmer they'll be fine.

HR Lady: No, Messenger and WhatsApp aren't the same thing. Sir, please stay polite. We need a GitHub account not a GitLab account.

Me: *mumbling* Oh boy.... M'am, it's OK, I don't need the job anyway, I've found something. Two months is a long time and I needed something quickly. Thank you, have a good day.

Me: p
Windows Search: Paint
Me: pow
WS: PowerPoint
Me: powers
WS: Powershell
Me (typing too quickly to notice Powershell is already there): powershell
WS: ummm idk

When we finally get to Mars, all programmers on Earth will scream in pain over having to program another timezone

My girlfriend is amazing:

After a long uphill battle trying to finish a huge open source project I started months ago. She noticed I was getting a little deflated.
So she donated a small amount to the donation page to lift my spirits.
She wanted to do it secretly but didn't know that it wasnt anonymous.

The little things spur us on.

My team: gets fired

8 other colleagues: here’s our notice, we leavin

Love it, they’re left with 4 devs so good luck finding people who know how to work in your 20 year old legacy that every app in ur company is built on lul

My linkedin profile = ~7 years as an iOS developer. All of my job titles are "iOS Developer", "iOS Engineer" or "Mobile lead".

Recruiter: Hi, your profile looks great, I have a number of open roles matching your skills. Would you be free for a call to discuss your salary expectations, skills, what you are looking for etc.

Me: Hi, sorry I don't have time for a call right now, here are answers to your questions. Can you send me on any iOS job specs you have and i'll review. <answers>

Recruiter: Sorry I have no open iOS roles at this time.

Bitch ... ima find you and make you understand

Thanks, Google. Very cool.

I did it! I told her. I admitted that I have a crush on her. It was awesome, we were in her room, chilling and having Belgian beer and looking over at the beautiful dome of Les Invalids and the lights of Paris through her window. It was raining a little bit. All perfect.
I told her how I really enjoyed her company and how I found her really cool and interesting and how I had a not so small crush on her. She was very surprised but she was glad I told her. I'm really proud that I did something so big.

Oh, she said no btw.

!rant

For some people that are starting with M.L either by hobby or study. This is a very cool website to keep close to when fiddling with concepts that are alien to you:

https://ml-cheatsheet.readthedocs.io/...

Just thought it would be a nice bookmark to have.

Cheers putos

Apple Just Announced It's Selling a Mac Monitor Stand for $999

..and monitor does not come with a stand.

#WWDC

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