API Guy.

He has a serious regex problem.
Regexes are never easy to read, but the ones he uses just take the cake. They're either blatantly wrong, or totally over-engineered garbage that somehow still lacks basic functionality. I think "garbage" here is a little too nice, since you can tell what garbage actually is/was without studying it for five minutes.

In lieu of an actual rant (mostly because I'm overworked), I'll just leave a few samples here. I recommend readying some bleach before you continue reading.

Not a valid url name regex:
VALID_URL_NAME_REGEX = /\A[\w\-]+\Z/

Semi-decent email regex: (by far the best of the four)
VALID_EMAIL_REGEX = /\A[\w+\-.]+@[a-z\d\-.]+\.[a-z]+\z/i

Over-engineered mess that only works for (most) US numbers:
VALID_PHONE_REGEX = /1?\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-8][0-9])\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-9]{2})\s*\W?\s*([0-9]{4})(\se?x?t?(\d*))?/

and for the grand finale:

ZIP_CODE_REGEX = /(^\d{5}(-\d{4})?$)|(^[ABCEGHJKLMNPRSTVXY]{1}\d{1}[A-Z]{1} *\d{1}[A-Z]{1}\d{1}$)|GIR[ ]?0AA|((AB|AL|B|BA|BB|BD|BH|BL|BN|BR|BS|BT|CA|CB|CF|CH|CM|CO|CR|CT|CV|CW|DA|DD|DE|DG|DH|DL|DN|DT|DY|E|EC|EH|EN|EX|FK|FY|G|GL|GY|GU|HA|HD|HG|HP|HR|HS|HU|HX|IG|IM|IP|IV|JE|KA|KT|KW|KY|L|LA|LD|LE|LL|LN|LS|LU|M|ME|MK|ML|N|NE|NG|NN|NP|NR|NW|OL|OX|PA|PE|PH|PL|PO|PR|RG|RH|RM|S|SA|SE|SG|SK|SL|SM|SN|SO|SP|SR|SS|ST|SW|SY|TA|TD|TF|TN|TQ|TR|TS|TW|UB|W|WA|WC|WD|WF|WN|WR|WS|WV|YO|ZE)(\d[\dA-Z]?[ ]?\d[ABD-HJLN-UW-Z]{2}))|BFPO[ ]?\d{1,4}/

^ which, by the way, doesn't match e.g. Australian zip codes. That cost us quite a few sales. And yes, that is 512 characters long.

As an Australian, I find the fact that I need 750++ just to let my avatar wear thongs is oppressing my heritage and is extremely racist. #triggered

I still laugh when I see people cover their laptops webcams, like as if Australian internet could hold up someone spying on you through a video stream, at most they would see 4 pink pixels!

Worst: Got made redundant from a senior development role in a shiny new company - two weeks before I got married.

Best: Got an offer 4 weeks later as a development manager in an enormous Australian distributor, and I get to concentrate on API development.

Best. Job. Ever.

It was my internship and I've end up working on a law company specializing on Australian construction laws they're working on a website that will take care of all the paperworks for the contractors. They have a dev team who's working on it but they don't have a web designer. I was accepted for the job as an intern/web designer/tester. I was so happy that I've got a really cool internship as a designer but that's only for a second.

The hell starts on day one. They've told me that they're using agile workflow and that they need to make the website responsive. It was based on bootstrap and gosh their code was so broken. HTML tags overlay on each other, some are unclosed. I've tried to fix the problems and did a great job at that. Made the front page responsive and all laid out. When I went to the next php file it has a different header.php and footer.php and same problems apply and we're not even touching the worst.

They didn't use any version management and they're cowboying everything. Now that the website is on the staging server they use Cpanel text editor to edit the code! My headache started to pileup.

The Australian client asked me to provide icons and fix the colors of the website. Also the typography looks great already. I've fixed almost all the problems and I'm satisfied with the design when suddenly a new co-worker from a famous and expensive college was absorbed by the company. He worked as the marketing specialist who has no experience at web design at all. He told me to do this and that and the whole website changed. He bullied me for my skills in design (I'm an intern) and just took over the whole design. Everyone even the boss listen to him as if everything he say is right. He's skilled at design but not web design. He made the website look like a freakin movie poster.

All my works are for nothing, I got headache for nothing and I've got hated for nothing.

It was the day when I finished my internship. It was a long 3 months. After a month I've heard from my co-interns that the whole dev team was fired including the marketing specialist. Also the whole website is scrapped and has been rebuilt by a single guy who used WordPress which he did in only a month.

Fuck you Australian Fucking Internet!!

Yea sure i have fucking hours to sit here and fucking upload a 4GB repo to gitlab at 5kb/s!!! - yes the slow ass KILOBYTES, you overly expensive piece of horse shit.

fuck it, connects to phone and bam 1MB/s uploads, well theres goes a chunk of this month data :(

My best case "Deploy Bittersweet Pipeline":

Prep a bunch of carrots, cucumber and tomatoes for day snacks. Roll & cut some pasta noodles, cook stock with fresh veggies & mushrooms, add some droopy soft boiled egg(s) to the broth, drizzle in some black garlic hot sauce. Enjoy that breakfast with an unsweetened Australian flat white and a half-liter cup of chai spiced green tea. Watch some science/tech/woodworking/cooking YouTube videos while feeding my Bittersweet Jr girl.

(yeah my mood is determined for about 90% by food)

Fire up docker compose & IDEs, and start refactoring code and migrating/fixing old databases.

My worst case "Fatal Incident Bittersweet Repair & Recovery Process":

Stuck while refactoring the worst kind of trash code since 9am.

Pour a glass of Tawny Port at 9pm. Pour a glass of cognac at 11pm. Unwrap 3 chocolate bars and break them into chunks in a bowl. Look at IDE, get nauseated, not from the booze or chocolate, but from the code.

Can't fall asleep because code is too broken, that crap should simply not exist. Take some LSD and amphetamine, can't sleep anyway. Start splitting several 10k-line-long files into smaller classes, type until my fingers have blisters. Empty two bags of Doritos, order a large Falafel with extra garlic sauce at 4am.

Fall asleep at 5am with my face on my keyboard, wake up at 9am with keyboard pattern on my skin.

Cook some hangover noodles.

Call work that I'm taking 3 days off. Feed Bittersweet Jr while I watch some YouTube channels with her. Bittersweet has successfully rebooted.

This wasn't an interview, but a massive rejection which I've never forgotten...

I was working beneath a director from hell. South African, very intimidating. If I was not able to dictate my work, he would give me an expression like I had just kicked his dog.

I think at the time, I had threatened the development manager when I had challenged the way we were running database queries and linked processes.

The director had pulled me into his office one day and said to me, literally, "not everyone can do what they want to do, if they are not good at it". Like seriously, what the fuck... I was doing a lot more than others even more senior to me, and I had just come on board learning the language on the fly (4th Dimension, don't ask...).

I digress... My heart just completely sank and I was left speechless. Two jobs later and I could give him the big finger.

These days in a development management position for a massive Australian company, so I know we all go through a lot of shit, keeps you humble.

An Australian quiz show
The IPhone jokes shall never die 😂

Found this on Facebook... Should I be the one to tell them that apple didn't invent emoji and that the flags are all of countries?

I'm Australian and respect our natives but... Really?

Telstra and Vodafone Australia have released unlimited data plans for mobile.
With a base of40GB for $69/month and 40GB for $60/ month respectively.
When you go over the limit, it then throttles you to 1.5Mbps max.
It's a start, better than charging you heaps for going over, but they still have a way to go...

Freshman out of the university started working for me as a php developer. Software Engineer from a major Australian university. First project, a WordPress plugin... Two weeks down the track I had to explain to him the concept of sessions and multiple visitors. WTF are they thought at universities these days?

No way. I hope this is a joke...else its not helping building up trust in their competence (Australian vpn provider)

Australian translation of Gherkin keywords

We can hide messages in images via steganography (or ZIP sewing), we can hide messages in sound via either sound-based transmission (like Morse) or waveform-based transmission (think oscilloscope art videos), we can transmit it in videos in like 300 different fucking combined forms...

Encryption isn't the ONLY way, yo. Social engineering and being a cheeky shithead can get it done too.

You know what? FUCK Australian employers. I know they'd be damn fucking lucky to have me on their team.

I just finished working on something that I made several years ago (what I raised funds for in my previous rant), I then took it a step further and automated the process [if some things], and now I have my own software finding me new leads and sending them to me via email and push notifications.

With a little bit of tweaking maybe, and a little bit of time, I expect to find some new clients again.

In these dark times, it's inspiring to see that a country as insignificant as Australia can demonstrate to us how things can always get worse.

By passing a law mandating that encryption must be broken, in secret (like the US's National Security Letters), at the demand of the Government, the two biggest parties have colluded to destroy Australia's tech sector.

This is the same government that has been whining endlessly about using Huawei LTE equipment in Australian infrastructure "because it might be secretly compromised". Now the same is true of Australian equipment, by law.

My favourite part of all this is how there will be firmware updates for devices sold in Australia, in order to comply with the new law. How well do you think those backdoors will be secured? How thoroughly do you expect them to be tested, given Australia's population of only 25 million?

How can any Australian company expect customers to trust them now?

The fires in australia killed something like half a billion animals, and it's kind of sad, all that potential barbecue going to waste.

We have the means to solve this. With KNAWWWWLEDGE.

What we do is hook up buckets to a bunch of big ass drones and have some sort of contest to see who can put out the most acreage of fire. People will come from all over for the annual "australian fire olympics."

Shit, put a $1 million dollar bounty on "most acreage put out" stream it on twitch, youtube, netflix, you name it.

Fires would be out in a day or three.

After 3 years of postponed delivery dates and enduring a crappy internet connection the result is close enough to touch. 1 Week until I get a solid internet connection and can join the rest of modern society.

100Mbps internet here I come!

More updates to come with undoubtably more frustration!

Not sure whether to tag this as a rant or a joke, because it feels like equal parts of both. So fucking disappointed with Australian government.

When you can't use the internet cause the Australian government thinks good internet is only for video games. Meanwhile at the genius labs of Microsoft insist on putting a "standby mode" as the default off state on my housemates Xbox One, that allows full speed downloads while "off". Then top it off with another housemate who thinks she knows computers (after getting me to upgrade hers) saying that she isn't making the internet lag while running Windows 10 with auto-updates enabled, while simultaneously uploading to Facebook on our epic 500kb/s upload speed.

Happy Australian day Ranters

!rant .

Interesting conversation between coworker 1, 2 and 3.

1 : “ hey do you know if you want to sounds like Australians , start eating spiders. Alternatively you can try to eat kiwi to sound familiar to Australian but isn’t.

2 : “ I fancy myself sugary juices and burgers everyday, but yet I am not becoming American.”

1: “No pal you should start drinking petroleum and yell FREEDOM and ‘this is my right!’ every chances you get. That’s how you become a US citizen without the green card .”

3: “bro, you are taking you are what you eat too literally and stereotypically. Let say if you guys would to suck my dick and drain my semen down your throat, won’t me you my son . But I will get the pleasure.”

John : “Yo what the fuck?”

3: “the real question is ‘yo wanna fuck?’”

1 :”you sus bro”

2: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that one .”

John :” 1, which ‘you’ you are referring to? 2, of course you didn’t with that amount of sugary juices.”

2: “hey this is my right!”

John: *mute the off-topic channel *

Yo like what the fuck .

!developer_rant

Ok, so my pc is on it's way out (Cries in the corner) so i thought i would just bite the bullet and buy my new system, comes to around $1800 AUD without the GPU which i already have... So i decided I would use zipmoney as i prefer to pay by month (yes i know it costs a little bit each month) but... My application got declined for a $2000 account... So you are telling me i was able to apply for a bank loan last year for $4000 and get approved, get approved to rent a house... I have a perfect credit rating but apparently i dont qualify for a simple loan because i dont earn enough... I'm earning almost double what i was when I applied for a fucking bank loan!

I'm seeking opinions and thoughts on my predicament.

I have 2ish paths before me.
Next year I resume my studies in Science Communication and Computer Science in particiliar a bachelor of science, I have considered then doing master in managent or computer science.

1) I am able to have a income of about 800 AUD a fortnight (this is to support me during study without requiring work) plus extra from a part time job whilst I study for about 2 years. Throughout this time I would like to skill up in a variety of fields as immensley as possible.

2) I can accept a full time junior web developer job while I study, this job is with a great government research organisation which as a first FT job looks great on a resume, it is is project based work where I get given a project and code and pretty much complete it. The job is flexible, I can mostly work where-ever I want, at home, at a cafe, travelling. With maybe a meeting once a week. The pay is about 65kAUD a year.

Both options are very attractive options with each containing there own pros and cons. With the extra money I could learn more or use it to grow a business or do more.

However without the FT job I could still earn about 1-1.5k a fortnight for alot less time.

I am still discovering what to do in life, I'm very good at public speaking and would like to experience and learn more about lots of different things. My current knowledge is very broad from engineering to CS, graphic design, authoring, trade skills, Digitial design and more.

Ideally I would like to learn how to lead people, to make the world a better place and help people. Figuring out where my strengths lay and where to apply them is difficult as I am fascinated by so many things.

I worry about taking the FT job as it might detract from my studies and lead me to pursueing mostly only web development work as well as take up time that might be better spent on extra study or in a leadership position in a uni club.

The PT job is a IT Systems Technician in the Australian Defence Force.

Which is a interesting experience within itself, different from civilian life and also I would be learning about systems that I might have less experience with.

I have such broad interests in alot of fields that I don't seem to be focussed on select things or areas like other devs I've met, Science Communication is a versitile field, one of my professors expertise is on doctor who and it's role in science engagement, she has written books on it. Others are in public policy or directed podcasts or even made games. Despite my broad interests computer science was always a gield I did well in.

Any thoughts, opinions or questions are welcome.
I have a blog/portfolio I put my work and projects up if it helps people know more about me, you can find it at curiosityplace.wordpress.com

Hi everyone, I'm just a bit worried with my future status, I'm currently a Software Engineer here in my home country, I will be going to New Zealand sometime this March. I have a reason why I'm moving to NZ but do you think I can get a Software Engineer job there? I'm 20 and been exposed by my Australian experience (I'm not from Australia btw) from Angular and PHP. I've been trained by my Seniors top notch that they're letting me deploy to-live our largest websites.

Do you think I'll be able to find one or I'll be settling with convenience store related jobs there?

Thanks DevRant.

French wine is for pussies. Real men only drink Californian wine. Californian to French it’s like a syrup to water. Such a big dick energy.

Australian and Hungarian wine is also nice. French is overhyped, the crapple of wine.

all this talk of australian crypto laws got me thinking. here's a hypothetical (this might get a little complicated):

for the sake of the security facade, the government decides to not ban encryption outright. BUT they decide that all crypto will use the same key. therefore you can not directly read encrypted things, but it's not really encrypted anymore is it?

part two: there's a concept called chicken sexing, named after people who determine the sex of baby chicks. male chicks are pretty useless and expensive to keep alive, so they are eaten. female chicks go on to lay eggs, so ideally, from a financial standpoint, you only raise hens to maturity. this is nearly impossible to discern early on so at first you're just straight up guessing. is this one female? sure? that one? no? really 50/50. BUT if you have a skilled chicken sexer looking over your shoulder, saying right or wrong, then eventually you get better. why? nobody knows. they can't explain it. nobody can. you just sort of "know" when it's female or not. some people can do 1000s of chicks/hr with success up to 98% but nobody can explain how to tell them apart.

part three. final part:

after years, even decades of using this encryption with only one key, I wonder if people (even if only people who are regularly exposed to crypto like NSA analysts or cryptographers) can ever learn to understand it. in the same way as above. you don't know exactly what it says. or how you know it. you didn't run an algorithm in your head or decrypt it. but somehow you get the gist.

28464e294af01d1845bcd21 roughly translates to "just bought a PS5! WOOT!" or even just pick out details. PS5. excited. bought.

but how do you know that? idk. just do.

oh what a creepy future it has become.