Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
Search - "cold coffee"
-
Recipe of cold coffee.
Step 1: Make Coffee
Step 2: Start Coding
Step 3: Forget you made Coffee
Step 4: Drink it Cold
Don't say thank you I understand!33 -
So there it fucking goes.
Hi. I'm WillibertXXIV.
I'm not a programmer by trade; I have a more than fulltime job as a cook. As for the last year, I spent pretty much all my free time, overlapping my sleep time, to learn how to code.
All that so I can create a game that I started working on the same day I started my learning process. So far it's shit and it's going to stay that way for a long time. Only I can say this. It's my baby. It's fucking ugly and shit but it's mine.
Yesterday I broke it. I broke my baby. I don't know how it fucking happe. When I went to sleep I had a steady 175fps, nice realtime lightning and player / enemy that flowed like running water. I worked really hard to make that happened. Profiling, writing better code, profiling, etc. It's still not good, it's less shit.
I woke up, beautiful day. Not too warm, not too cold, that sweet spot right in the middle. Girlfriend already made the coffee. Perfect. Woke up, sat down to start my morning time work before going to my realjob and
BAM
Everything is shit, 20fps max. That one thing, gfx.waitforpresent, showing up in the profiler eating everything as the game run. Movements are now of stroboscopic nature. Light is still ok but what good does it do now fucking piece of shit. I'm not qualified enough for this shit.
Fuck,
Fuck this,
Fuck this shit,
Fuck this shit i'm out of here.26 -
Waking up, feeling like I have a cold I sit down at my computer and see that my biggest client has asked for a minor change. I haven't had my coffee yet, but I can do what they're asking for in a minute. The site is *gone*. Just a permissions error. Have they been hacked?! Why hasn't the client called me?! The files are there and no changes have been made. It doesn't come up on any browser. 10 panicked minutes later I check it on my phone. It comes up. Wait a minute ... While editing /etc/hosts yesterday I'd accidentally uncommented a line for this site that I'd foolishly left in there. One character later my false alarm is solved. I'm getting my damned coffee now.1
-
Reading some of the wk50 rants makes my blood run cold. brrrrr. They're terrifying.
While my story goes just like this.
Didn't know our manager(let's call him R) messaged us in our group chat that he won't make it to office for that day.
My account replied "Let's have moment of silence for those who left us. R, you will be missed. :'( Thank you for everything.".
I didn't notice the message until lunch time and my co-devs (with much back-slapping and laughing) told me I'm a gem. -_-
I just went to get some coffee, forgot to lock my unit and came back a murderer.
AND It was only my 2nd month on the job.6 -
How to make a cold cup of coffee:-
1-make a normal cup of coffee
2-start coding
3-after coding you'll forget that you made coffee
4-drink it cold
5-feel bad for not drinking it while it's hot4 -
In an alternate universe, devs live in their own country.
They make their own rules and dictate how much they are paid. They maintain the entire world’s infrastructure.
They don’t go to work, since their entire country is the workplace and guess what? Cold beers are free(a thank you from the beer company guys for coming up with all their inventory management systems)
Pizza is free too.
There is no government (laws are passed depending on upvotes on devRant )
No racism, sexism or any other ism ending words . Devs just code.
Oh, and the state police, preferably known as keyboard warriors patrol the streets and offenders are punished by limited internet speeds. 😂. It is said some actually commit suicide because of this unbearable punishment.
Fuck yeah they have coffee farms. That’s the only thing they don’t accept as *gratitude from other nations because those sons of bitches might fuck that up too.
And everyone drives teslas 😂
Okay I have to get back to work now. That multi universe travel machine won’t buy itself.15 -
Long rant ahead.. so feel free to refill your cup of coffee and have a seat 🙂
It's completely useless. At least in the school I went to, the teachers were worse than useless. It's a bit of an old story that I've told quite a few times already, but I had a dispute with said teachers at some point after which I wasn't able nor willing to fully do the classes anymore.
So, just to set the stage.. le me, die-hard Linux user, and reasonably initiated in networking and security already, to the point that I really only needed half an ear to follow along with the classes, while most of the time I was just working on my own servers to pass the time instead. I noticed that the Moodle website that the school was using to do a big chunk of the course material with, wasn't TLS-secured. So whenever the class begins and everyone logs in to the Moodle website..? Yeah.. it wouldn't be hard for anyone in that class to steal everyone else's credentials, including the teacher's (as they were using the same network).
So I brought it up a few times in the first year, teacher was like "yeah yeah we'll do it at some point". Shortly before summer break I took the security teacher aside after class and mentioned it another time - please please take the opportunity to do it during summer break.
Coming back in September.. nothing happened. Maybe I needed to bring in more evidence that this is a serious issue, so I asked the security teacher: can I make a proper PoC using my machines in my home network to steal the credentials of my own Moodle account and mail a screencast to you as a private disclosure? She said "yeah sure, that's fine".
Pro tip: make the people involved sign a written contract for this!!! It'll cover your ass when they decide to be dicks.. which spoiler alert, these teachers decided they wanted to be.
So I made the PoC, mailed it to them, yada yada yada... Soon after, next class, and I noticed that my VPN server was blocked. Now I used my personal VPN server at the time mostly to access a file server at home to securely fetch documents I needed in class, without having to carry an external hard drive with me all the time. However it was also used for gateway redirection (i.e. the main purpose of commercial VPN's, le new IP for "le onenumity"). I mean for example, if some douche in that class would've decided to ARP poison the network and steal credentials, my VPN connection would've prevented that.. it was a decent workaround. But now it's for some reason causing Moodle to throw some type of 403.
Asked the teacher for routers and switches I had a class from at the time.. why is my VPN server blocked? He replied with the statement that "yeah we blocked it because you can bypass the firewall with that and watch porn in class".
Alright, fair enough. I can indeed bypass the firewall with that. But watch porn.. in class? I mean I'm a bit of an exhibitionist too, but in a fucking class!? And why right after that PoC, while I've been using that VPN connection for over a year?
Not too long after that, I prematurely left that class out of sheer frustration (I remember browsing devRant with the intent to write about it while the teacher was watching 😂), and left while looking that teacher dead in the eyes.. and never have I been that cold to someone while calling them a fucking idiot.
Shortly after I've also received an email from them in which they stated that they wanted compensation for "the disruption of good service". They actually thought that I had hacked into their servers. Security teachers, ostensibly technical people, if I may add. Never seen anyone more incompetent than those 3 motherfuckers that plotted against me to save their own asses for making such a shitty infrastructure. Regarding that mail, I not so friendly replied to them that they could settle it in court if they wanted to.. but that I already knew who would win that case. Haven't heard of them since.
So yeah. That's why I regard those expensive shitty pieces of paper as such. The only thing they prove is that someone somewhere with some unknown degree of competence confirms that you know something. I think there's far too many unknowns in there.
Nowadays I'm putting my bets on a certification from the Linux Professional Institute - a renowned and well-regarded certification body in sysadmin. Last February at FOSDEM I did half of the LPIC-1 certification exam, next year I'll do the other half. With the amount of reputation the LPI has behind it, I believe that's a far better route to go with than some random school somewhere.25 -
I sometimes remember the time when I wrote a Email-inbox-exporter-PHP-script-type of application that collects all the emails from an inbox, "copied" it to a database with the attachements and stuff and moves it to a folder..
I just started at the company for like a couple of months, had no privileges to create mailboxes and such and I didn't want to interrupt our programmer to do this for me, so... I decided.. to save time and resources.. to test run it on our global, live 'support' mailbox.. :D Well.. You might guess what happened.. Apparently I mistyped the name of the move-destination folder (because imap-weird-things) that resulted in a completly empty mailbox and an empty database because the inserts failed due to bad encoding and mime-type issues..
The moment I refreshed my Outlook and noticed that all our mails where gone.. I swear, I can't describe that feeling of fear, cold sweat, intense heartbeat... I just stood up, asked if anyone wanted coffee, and just walked out of the office.. When in the hallway, I heard my collegues ask to one another "do you have any issues with outlook, all my mails are gone?". Everyone was stressing out, the chief was stressing out "what happened?!", nobody knew what happened.. :D
They could partially resolve it via one collegue who hadn't refreshed the mailbox and he could forward all the mails back to our support mailbox..
I dropped the project idea and learned to work with dev environments :D A couple of months later, I accidentially forgot a where condition in my SQL UPDATE statement, but that was the last time I seriously f*cked up.. :D Got to learn the hard way I guess.. Now everything I do runs in dev environments, I test everything before publishing,.. When I look back.. I don't even recognize the (inexperienced) guy I was back then ! :D
Ps. No one still knows what happened that day and they blamed it on server issues :Dundefined learned from my mistakes sorry collegues fucked up live testing fml inexperienced empty mailbox3 -
Reciepe for cold coffee:
1. Make Coffee
2. Start Coding
3. Forget you made coffee
4. Drink it cold5 -
Stuck on windows for a bit more now after my little Arch fuckup and holy shit I forgot how terrible running android studio on windows is...
*Opens project, waits for windows to unfreeze*
*Waits for gradle to load lets windows unfreeze*
*Opens AVD and watches RAM usage go to 100%*
*Sips now cold coffee that was made when opening Android Studio*
Ugh, I miss Arch...
PS. Yes I know this is an android studio thing and not a Wndows problem2 -
> Take girlfriend to Starbucks
Me: I'll ask for a cold brewed coffee, what would you like?
She: I don't like coffee...8 -
This happens more often than I care to admit.
I take a coffee, then I drink a sip.
Because it's too hot I put him aside.
Start working
Lose track of everything around me
Then when I am no longer distracted by the stupid bullshit line of code that I was stuck at, I go to drink the coffee and is FUCKING COLD!!!!!6 -
Morning Ritual
1. Start all devices
2. Check headset status
3. Check emails
4. COFFEE <3
5. First call...
6. 20 annoying minutes of two people talk to each other without a result
7. COFFEE <3 ... cold1 -
*coding*
*notices coffee is cold, puts it on stove with flame burner on low, to warm up*
*sits back down, goes back to coding*
*hears fizzing popping sounds... coffee overflows and boils*
FUCK - every other day for the past month ,every single time... lol3 -
So when I'm so into what I'm doing that my coffee gets cold before I've taken the first sip... I know it's going to be a good day3
-
Had a longer talk with a friend today.
Acquaintances of theirs were at a restaurant (!) a few days ago, complaining about how much they paid for breakfast buffet. Their rant went on how the restaurant didn't even include coffee in the breakfast buffet.
I know this restaurant. I really like it there. They roast their own coffee in the back. They have a transparent bakery with spelt flour, from certified organic farming. They support the regional farmers, even the meat for the cold cuts etc comes from a local butcher, livestock is from regional free range farming.
If you wanna know what's wrong with customers, that's the prime example.
Not only didn't they bother at all to look at the menu... They ignored at all what they paid for. Just stuffed themselves without any thought at all.
Then they wondered why the price was so high.
Of course, high price = bad, so they rant everywhere what a bad restaurant they visited.
It just made me so fucking angry, cause that's the same shit I have to deal every day with. Not giving a damn, not reading any information at all - but spouting nonsense and foul mouthing everything is okay.
Fuck those kinds of humans.1 -
A co-worker on a gigantic PR i made:
"the worst thing about this pr is that while i was reviewing it, I forgot about my coffee and it turned cold. Otherwise good job!"1 -
Coffee mugs should have an alarm for when the coffee is about to get cold. I'm too focused on work to care about the coffee.8
-
When you start adding alarms to ring just 5min after you start coding in the morning, to remind you that drinking cold coffee is annoying...1
-
Putting mobile phone to DnD.
Putting on Bluetooth headsets with ANC, blasting some good shit music.
Violently cooking or desperately ordering food at the good restaurants.
While waiting, grinding some coffee beans, making fresh coffee or some nice tea with milk.
Laying on the sofa in a food induced coma, turning on any streaming service with the real bad shitty movies.
Hentai Kamen, The Machine Girl, ...
Anything thats either pure groteske bullshit or that doesn't require more than a braincell cause it appeals either to the violent or complete nonsense side of my brain.
Last but not least, a few cold beers.
ANC headset stays on, just switching from music to tv - shutting out all the outside noise.1 -
Coffee vs black tea?
I'm walking to my school and It's just freezing out here so I was thinking about if it should be coffee or some tea today.
Happy friday xd12 -
ITS FUCKING COLD IN THIS HOTEL!!!! I’M FREEZING TO DEATH!!!
I really am in a coding mood right now but I’m tired anyway and the lack of warmth doesn’t make it better..
Gotta find an internet coffee shop or something like that..5 -
When you make a coffee, get in the zone, forget about its existence, take a drink it and find that it's gone cold.. Then chug it and go make yourself another.4
-
Am i the only one annoyed that at first the coffee is too hot, so you have to take small sips. But when its at the right temperature, you have to drink it fast so that it doesnt go cold.1
-
Reciepe for cold coffee:
1. Make Coffee
2. Start Coding
3. Forget you made coffee
4. Drink it cold8 -
¡rant|rant
Nice to do some refactoring of the whole data access layer of our core logistics software, let me tell an story.
The project is around 80k lines of code, with a lot of integrations with an ERP system and an sql database.
The ERP system is old, shitty api for it also, only static methods through an wrapper to an c++ library
imagine an order table.
To access an order, you would first need to open the database by calling Api.Open(...file paths) (yes, it's an fucking flat file type database)
Now the database is open, now you would open the orders table with method Api.Table(int tableId) and in return you would get an integer value, the pointer.
Now for the actual order. first you need to search for it by setting the search parameter to the column ID of the order number while checking all calls for some BS error code
Api.SetInt(int pointer, int column, int query Value)
Then call the find method.
Api.Find(int pointer)
Then to top this shitcake of an api of: if it doesn't find your shit it will use the "close enough" method of search.
And now to read a singe string 😑
First you will look in the outdated and incorrect documentation given to you from the devil himself and look for the column ID to find the length of the column.
Then you create a string variable with ALL FUCKING SPACES.
Now you call the Api.GetStr(int pointer, int column, ref string emptyString, int length)
Now you have passed your poor string to the api's demon orgy by reference.
Then some more BS error code checking.
Now you have read an string value 😀
Now keep in mind to repeat these steps for all 300+ columns in the order table.
News from the creators: SQL server? yes, sql is good so everything will be better?
Now imagine the poor developers that got tasked to convert this shitcake to use a MS SQL server, that they did.
Now I can honestly say that I found the best SQL server benchmark tool. This sucker creams out just above ~105K sql statements per second on peak and ~15K per second for 1.5 second to read an order. 1.5 second to read less than 4 fucking kilobytes!
Right at that moment I released that our software would grind to an fucking halt before even thinking about starting it. And that me & myself and I would be tasked to fix it.
4 months later and two weeks until functional beta, here I am. We created our own api with the SQL server 😀
And the outcome of all this...
Fixes bugs older than a year, Forces rewriting part of code base. Forces removal of dirty fixes. allows proper unit and integration testing and even database testing with snapshot feature.
The whole ERP system could be replaced with ~10 lines of code (provided same relational structure) on the application while adding it to our own API library.
Best part is probably the performance improvements 😀. Up to 4500 times faster and 60 times less memory usage also with only managed memory.3 -
Me: aah finally the best in the morning MY COFFEE
Also me a half hour later: Uhm fuck my coffee is cold.1 -
Suffering from concentration, meaning my coffee is cold. I can’t drink cold coffee, it makes me retch. That’s the second cup today I’ve let die on me. It’s pissing me off now.6
-
I feel like coffee.
*Goes to make coffee.
I'll code a little more while it's pouring.
*Cold coffee needs heating up2 -
So I live in the south. And it’s been pretty cold here the past few nights. And now there’s a gaping hole in my laundry room and water going everywhere and a plumber who seems to still be reading the README.md file. And my kitchen is flooding. And my gf is losing her shit. And I’m drinking coffee sitting at my bar, checking emails. Somebody wake me up.9
-
Getting a lot of headaches? Try replacing coffee/energy drinks with ice cold H2O first thing in the morning. It works after a week and it shocks your body into waking up faster.2
-
When you're so focused on your work that you forget that you started brewing coffee and now it's cold.... 😲😣4
-
https://devrant.com/rants/1936381/...
Another day, another comment that just wont fucking post.
On Camping:
Rain IS camping weather.
All miserable weather is camping weather.
The function of camping is to remind you how great it is that you get to go home when you're done, and sleep in a warm, dry, comfy bed and not a canvas roof that leaks in the wrong place in a poorly insulated napsack on uneven ground while sleeping with thin canvas walls, on the ground, like a living human size lump of jerky for a hungry bear to wander by and gobble up.
Also waking up in the morning after being cold and miserable is amazing, because your body forcibly readjusts it's expectation of 'comfortable' just to fall asleep, and you just want to go back to bed instead of going into the cold and being awake where you have to experience the cramp in your neck you had from trying to get to sleep in an awkward attempt to get comfortable.
And after that, you cook bacon on the fire and drink black coffee, and feel like KING of the homeless people. King for a day.
And then you go home and THANK SWEET MARY'S TITTIES you do.3 -
Damned XAMPP doesn't want to run MySQL. Can't access phpmyadmin on local machine. Fixed localhost problems now it shows me 404! Edited all ports in config files for Apache, killed some tasks working on that port, stopped running some services - still nothing. Now found out there are some db files missing for MySQL via error log so I need to fix that plus 404 on my localhost. Don't feel like I'm close to solve all that. Half of a day wasted with no results. I need a cold shower and a gallon of coffee.1
-
How do I resolve this conflict of interest?
TLDR: I want to go out for exercise/health. But I also need an immediate goal. So when I go out, I will always end up buying some junk food.
----
It's such a nice day today. Let's go for a walk, get out the house and some exercise because I also love deals.
Hmm… where should I go? (Need a motivation)
I know let's go shopping! (Only reason to leave the house)
Takes a walk to Duane Reade (supermarket) 10 mins away.
It’s so hot/I want a reward! I'm out already why not get a treat… let's see I can get a large Iced Coffee for $1 (or some other deal) at McDonalds (which is pretty much next door now that I'm here).
I mean isn't that a great deal! I could make coffee myself but only the KCup and well they wouldn't be cold. I want it cold now, not in an hour… (i probably won't when want it then). So that dollar is just for the coldness mostly and i guess the service cost.
Also since I'm here already, i save the food delivery fees (this also applies whenever I order for pickup: I save so much on the delivery costs and I get exercise too!)
Healthwise and financially, this negates any benefit of going out and probably would've been better had I not gone out and just ate the plain salad at home.3 -
Anyone ever get cold called through LinkedIn? I had a guy contact me asking could we have coffee. Did some research on him and he seems a pretty successful guy. I was curious so I responded with a time and date.
Met him and he explained his business, what he was doing and what he was looking for. It was a senior position but would involve alot of backend work and team leading. Lots of long hours.. i was very interested but due to other commitments I couldn't take it further, so I politely declined.
Fast forward to 6 months later, he comes back to see if my situation has changed. It has. He says the company is being bought out and being funded for 3 years, he is in the middle of negotiations and its almost done. we begin negotiations and I agree a nice package with benefits. He seems delighted. I am happy.
Nearly 4 weeks later, 3 unanswered messages and an unreturned missed call, I am like wtf!!!2 -
I discovered a cool little trick to wake myself up when I wouldn't stop dozing off and feeling like passing out on the floor even after emptying the coffee jar to my cup and splashing my face with cold water.
I watched horror gameplays,
Instant effect and now fully awake.
Thablnkfully human fight or flight response really puts your body on overdrive, heightens your alertness and raises oxygen levels in blood which makes you stop yawning.
Imma play or watch resident evil 7 whenever I wake up now ! Life hackzz6 -
Bonus semi dev related sin:
Unless it's piping hot I'll leave my coffee to get cold and then drink it. -
@LoveBytes inspired this post: What's your favorite coffee brewing technique? Cold brew? French press? Pour over?5
-
Did a backup.
Did a bulk import to a service (netbox, great tool for network documentation by the way).
Fucked it up.
Back to backup.
Fixed bug.
Fucking gerbils on ecstasy (devs) annoying the fuck out of me.
Lobotomizing meetings.
Yuck coffee. Cold, stale and over extracted.
Gerbils planning a mutiny. Killed them with a big cheese wheel (lots of stupid boring tasks as they seem to be completely missing stuff to do).
Deleted backup.
Redid import.
Small typo.
Find the mistake...
I just love it when a small task becomes a huge fuckup due to too many disturbances.
Luckily SQL UPDATE went well....
Nothing's more fun than to patch a live database.
Yeah. I didn't wanna do a new backup. :)
The "I don't give a crap mood" is sometimes a great way to accelerate tasks... -
I wasn't too into the cold brew thing. Tasted shitty and why do it when you can have a good espresso?
But.
I bought a cold brew bottle couple of weeks ago and I am enjoying it too much. Cool in summer, better than cola, cheaper caffeine and all I need is just a glass. And tastes good if it is not chilled!
I hope my coffee packs don't go stale while I indulge myself.6