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Search - "latte"
*Now that's what I call a Hacker*
MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS
This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
I know your trainers probably gave you a name that is supposed to sound human, just like those of all the other lobotomized monkeys with fancy made-up titles in your office, and I'm sure you've replied to my emails with three dozen pseudo-personal, buzzword-laden answers, but I still couldn't be arsed to even read your name, let alone remember it.
You see, if I got infected with pinworms, I wouldn't name any single pinworm that crawled out of my ass, because they all look alike, do alike anyway, and are all the same pain in the ass.
It's nice though that you thought right about me, even though you can't write my name right, called me Jody already and forgot to remove two placeholders from your buzzword-bomb of a template, the former of which should probably have been replaced with my name (or Jody's).
It's 09:30 in the morning, so you must must have finished your seventh soy latte with cream and caramel along with the usual line of coke by now. I bet not even the obtrusive cunt behind the counter at Starbucks could be bothered to write down your name on the extra large cups, because you repeatedly tried to recruit her for 'a very promising position as senior master frontend engineer, backend architect and janitor' at name-an-unknown-company, before she called the manager.
No, I don't neither know this 'new promising language called React' nor have I ever heard of this 'Java framework called Elm', I just know regular React and Elm, so unfortunately I cannot help the slave traders you 'work' for with my extensive knowledge of things you wouldn't even understand if I beat every single piece of information into your head with a sack full of programming books.
Please do contact me again as soon as you have an open position for me as a public bathroom cleaner in Mumbai, India. Yes, I'll bring my own mop, but only if we meet first, so I can beat the liquid shit out of you with it.
Have a nice day, drink bleach, bye.11
Coffee. I love it.
But with that, I mean *coffee*.
No I don't want a fucking cappucino or a latte or a whatever-the-fuck you call it that is coffee mixed with something not-coffeeish.
I love *coffee* and I want my coffee black and strong as fuck without any bullshit added to it.58
that moment as a sys admin when everything is in peace and you have nothing to do.
I usually go outside and get me a nice cup of coffee at a local cafe
today its a Latte Machiato with white chocolate4
Damn frontend crap.
The fact that you have to mask all of the disease with processable versions of css, html & js is bad enough, but there are like 6 dialects of each bandaid, and every project has traces of each.
The the design kid tells me to run this grunt script, frontender number two screams "no, dont use grunt, we use gulp! or was it bower? I guess just run it through yeoman, it's easy!", after which the third fucking shitty hipster yells "No that's outdated, just edit the webpack file, and then run yarn install... oh but run npm upgrade --global yarn first"
Did you just fucking tell me to upgrade a fucking package manager with another package manager?
Composer, gem or cargo are not always without problems. But at least us backenders have our fucking shit together. The worst we have to deal with is choosing Python 2 vs 3, or porting some old code so the server can migrate to PHP7.
The next person to tell me they found this awesome tool to manage his other tools... I'll fucking throw your latte all over your wacom tablet.2
A programmer wrote scripts to secretly automate a lot of his job -- including to automatically email his wife and make himself a latte
Read more at https://businessinsider.com.au/prog...2
Cappuccino, Espresso, Espresso Doppio, Latte Macchiato...
Oh just basically caffeine... Makes the code more shiny!2
There are many technologies that I wish didn't exist but this one takes the fucking cake.
I refuse to work from cafes with this bullshit at the register.3
Coffee drinkers, what kind of coffee is your goto for your coding needs?
Mine is Peet's cold brew fog latte.
Can't drink hot coffee when its hot outside...12
Colleague: hoe you like your coffee
Me: make it a Latte Macchiato
Colleague: wait what???
Me: see attached image4
I've found that a caramel latte pairs nicely with kettle-cooked bbq potato chips.
Or I'm just weird.2
Okay, so not eating has become a major problem now. This morning when i got out of bed and stood up, i fell backwards in to my bed again. I couldn't see anything, all black. A few minutes went past and i got back on my feet, got dressed and headed to school.
The thing is, a day can go past and i won't feel hungry at all. But i have to eat, but i don't.
Am i the only one with this problem?
Another thing that is happening is that when i get home from school i sit down in front of my computer and start to write some code, hours fly by and there goes that day, no homework done either.
No food, no homework. Only coding. I think i have a serious problem 😂.
On a side note, a few days ago i tasted coffee for the first time, and now i can't resist buying a cappuccino/latte when i walk past espresso house in the morning.
Here's a interesting question, why the fuck did you waste your time reading this? 😂1
I point out to a guy which documentation and which section he should read to solved his problem, 30minutes later I swing by and the dude sits and watches tutorials on YouTube. I ask him "did you figure it out and solved the problem?", he replies " nah! This tutorial is really great, it shows step by step...blah blah.. I can send it to you! We should all watch it tomorrow after standup" ... Really? He honestly believes were getting paid to drink latte watch tutorials on YouTube? I almost imploded at that point, went into "whatever"-mode and seriously pondered how much mentoring sucks some days. But seriously tutorials on the tube were targeted for 14year old beginners a last time I checked,did the world do a double revolution and left me behind?? Or is that guy just plainly trying to hide the fact how incompetent he is at reading docs?