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*Now that's what I call a Hacker*
MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS
This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT
The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...58 -
!dev
Coffee. I love it.
But with that, I mean *coffee*.
No I don't want a fucking cappucino or a latte or a whatever-the-fuck you call it that is coffee mixed with something not-coffeeish.
I love *coffee* and I want my coffee black and strong as fuck without any bullshit added to it.46 -
!dev
Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte
Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.
Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?
B-1: no.
B-2: are you sick?
B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!
B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.
B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.
Me: Walks the fuck away.
Fuck. That. Shit.
The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!
I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.7 -
that moment as a sys admin when everything is in peace and you have nothing to do.
I usually go outside and get me a nice cup of coffee at a local cafe
today its a Latte Machiato with white chocolate
4 -
WebDev jobs should come with big warning signs:
"You absolutely will lose your sanity!"
"IE11 might indirectly lead to impotence!"
"You won't get laid more often by using CSS Grid!"
"You will have to fix websites which only appear broken on iOS Safari!"
"Get some extra terabytes ready for your node modules!"
"Get ready to yarnify your npm dockerized webassembly blobs while gulping on your mocha chai latte with no karma!"
Can't we just go back to the good old times with Quick Basic and chill?
Man, the ladies were flocking around those programmer boyz, I tell ya... Klickety klackety on the mechanical6 -
I only develop UIs with react and only ever with functional components
I would actually DIE without my MacBook Pro 16”
I spend roughly 30 minutes a day trimming my beard. I’m a civilized man after all
I only drink Starbucks coffee, and only if it’s a triple pump latte
Ew what’s jQuery? Sounds like something my grandpa used
Omg really? Are you still using PHP in 2020?! Lame!
Gross. Windows is for n00bs and Linux is for nerds. macOS FTW
Post is comprised of quotes from a classmate who annoyed the living hell out of me14 -
Hello DevRant community! It’s been a while, almost 5 years to be exact. The last time I posted here, I was a newbie, grappling with the challenges of a new job in a completely new country. Oh, how time flies!
Fast forward to today, and it’s been quite the journey. The codebase that once seemed like an indecipherable maze is now my playground. The bugs that used to keep me up at night are now my morning coffee puzzles. And the team, oh the team! We’ve moved from awkward nods to inside jokes and shared victories.
But let’s talk about the real hero here - the coffee machine. The unsung hero that has fueled late-night coding sessions and early morning stand-ups. It’s seen more heated debates than the PR comments section. If only it could talk, it would probably write its own rant about the indecisiveness of developers choosing between cappuccino and latte.
And then there are the unforgettable ‘learning opportunities’ - moments like accidentally shutting down the production server or dropping the customer database. Yes, they were panic-inducing crises of apocalyptic proportions at that time, but in hindsight, they were valuable lessons. Lessons about the importance of thorough testing, proper version control, reliable backup systems, and most importantly, owning up to our mistakes.
So here’s to the victories and failures, the bugs and fixes, the refactorings and 'wontfix’s. Here’s to the incredible journey of growth and learning. And most importantly, here’s to this amazing community that’s always been there with advice, sympathy, humor, and support.
Can’t wait to see what the next 5 years bring! 🥂3 -
Without caffeine ➞ me ⩶ useless
With caffeine ➞ anxiety++
Btw I don't drink 10 liters / 2.6 gallons of coffee everyday or anything, just a small latte does the trick ..
7 -
Damn frontend crap.
The fact that you have to mask all of the disease with processable versions of css, html & js is bad enough, but there are like 6 dialects of each bandaid, and every project has traces of each.
The the design kid tells me to run this grunt script, frontender number two screams "no, dont use grunt, we use gulp! or was it bower? I guess just run it through yeoman, it's easy!", after which the third fucking shitty hipster yells "No that's outdated, just edit the webpack file, and then run yarn install... oh but run npm upgrade --global yarn first"
Did you just fucking tell me to upgrade a fucking package manager with another package manager?
Composer, gem or cargo are not always without problems. But at least us backenders have our fucking shit together. The worst we have to deal with is choosing Python 2 vs 3, or porting some old code so the server can migrate to PHP7.
The next person to tell me they found this awesome tool to manage his other tools... I'll fucking throw your latte all over your wacom tablet.2 -
A programmer wrote scripts to secretly automate a lot of his job -- including to automatically email his wife and make himself a latte
Read more at https://businessinsider.com.au/prog...2 -
I'm tired of meth. I mean math. MATH.
I'm sick and tired of everything.
"First!" numerous blog comments shout to no-one, from the colorful abyss of the internet.
And for me, this is a first. But lets rewind.
It's 2 AM, about a month ago, spring in Akron Ohio. Someone reading this is no doubt shocked "You just revealed where you live, ON THE INTERNET! The weirdos will find you." Anyway, it's a dark and stormy night, as the cliche goes. Like most people up after midnight, I'm browsing facebook posts and useless productivity sites. (lifehacker)
I yearn for something more out of life, somewhere deep down inside..maybe in my colon?
All the articles are saying "10 tips to supercharge your life", "how to discover your life purpose in three easy steps", mixed with an ad about ron jeremys one secret tip to grow a massive cock, and exhortations to buy such-and-such's "new ebook!"
I am not moved by any of this.
Scrolling, and tabbing, and intermittently dropping f-bombs because of js ads locking up my browser, I stop and lean back. In the blue afterglow of my shitty compaqs screen, a thought appears, like a cheesy genie, popping out of a brass toilet. "Start a blog! A youtube channel! A podcast" the ad proclaims. "Yes. Thats what I have to do" I whispered (I'm embarrassed to admit I really did say this).
Then I Control+W'd out of it, and flopped onto my mattress. This was the wasteland of my life. I couldn't help but think The whole internet was like some seedy back alley 2.0, where boxcar willie with his train of needle marks had been replaced by more upstart, greasy-haired gurus. Each peddling 'ebooks' of 'advice', stuffed in between ads to buy 'this one hot stock you have to own' and porn. And that alley was really the 'blogosphere' and 'youtubers'. As I drifted off, the last thought was 'We're all just bottom feeders,leeching and whoring on the attention of faceless anonymous users, hoping for another quick fix.'
I fell asleep, these racing thoughts fading into sweet oblivion, but never too far away.
Welcome to My Back Alley
That title is only twice as dirty, and half as thought-out as I planned. As you imagine, the lure of being the electronic equivalent of a conman never quite faded. And the more I read, the stronger the message "Start a youtube channel!" grew. As if everyone and their grandmother having a youtube channel would somehow make the world right, cure cancer, and save kittens from animal shelter gas chambers. Everyones an expert, everyones an agent of change. Maximizing productivity, Evangelizing Technology, ninjas collaborating to socialfy your community diversification benchmark for target traffic
through user-engagement and authentic grass-roots, blah, blah, blah, blah, money. Thrusting, moaning, screaming. Money. Pumping at the center of it all.
Wake up and smell the bullshit.
This blog is not a blog. This blog is the anti-blog, and we are the anti-streamers. 'We' (read "I") resist your bullshit lingo bingo, call out the Truth (Tm) and refuse to be satisfied with any standards of decency, journalistic integrity, or common sense.
Every blog, every channel, every podcast is Starbucks And I'm tyler durden, pissing in your coffee, and calling it a 'latte'.
Freaks, and anarchists, laymen and losers. If you feel as I do, then this is the place for you. Welcome to devrant.2 -
so the jokers at my office facilities bought in an expensive coffee machine which has it's dedicated iPad that doesn't have any options for my fu*** latte4
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Cappuccino, Espresso, Espresso Doppio, Latte Macchiato...
Oh just basically caffeine... Makes the code more shiny!1 -
i had an epiphany today, in a discussion with the software architect of our new project.
i'm having the epic job to design & implement a prototype for a C++ library in a new software project and collected some inspiration in our "old" software, where i'm maintaining the module that fulfills the same functionality (i thought). i've been maintaining this module for around a year now. i analyzed the different features and stuff to consider and created a partial model of the new library.
when i showed it to the architect today, he was like "oh my god, no no no, you don't need all this functionality, this shall not be part of the new library!"
this was the moment when i realized how deeply fucked up the code base of the old module is.
imagine it like this:
you want to automate the process of making yourself a good ol' cup of coffee.
the reasonable thing would be to have
- a smart water boiler where you set parameters water temperature and amount of water to be fetched from the water supply
- a smart coffee bean grinder where you can set type of beans, amount of beans and grinding fineness
- a component where water and ground coffee are joined to brew the coffee, where parameters like duration, pressure etc. are set
- a milk tank where amount of milk, desired temperature and duration / speed of foaming can be set
- a sugar dispenser where amount of applied sugar can be set
- optionally, additional modules with spices, syrup, ice cubes, whatever for your very personal coffee experience
on requesting a coffee, you would then configure and orchestrate all components to your wishes to make you a fine cup of coffee. you can also add routines like "makeCappucchino()", "makeEspresso()", or whatever.
our software is not like this.
it is like this:
- a smart water boiler consisting of submodules that know how to cook water for e.g. "cappucchino with sugar" or for "espresso without sugar, but with milk and ice cubes"
- 5 smart bean grinders that know how to grind beans for e.g. cappucchino, espresso, latte macchiato and for 73ml of water preheated to 82°C
- a very smart sugar dispenser that knows how to add sugar to 95, 98 and 100°C coffee and to coffee made of BOTH coffee arabica AND coffee robusta beans.
etc. etc., i think you're getting the gist.
when i realized this, it was like, right in front of my eyes, this terrible pattern emerged like a foul, corrupted caleidoscope of chaos, through the whole code base of this module.
i've already known how rotten from the core this code base is, but today i've actually identified a really bad pattern that i hadn't realized before. the whole architecture is so bloated that it is hard to have an overview of the whole thing. and it would require a LOT of refactoring to repair this pattern.
but i guess it would also be infinitely satisfying because i could probably reduce the code base for 30% or something...
but unfortunately, this is never going to happen, because screw refactoring.
it's a great feeling to start this new library from scratch, tho...6 -
There are many technologies that I wish didn't exist but this one takes the fucking cake.
I refuse to work from cafes with this bullshit at the register.
3 -
What absolute fucknut has come up with the idea to hand in reports in Figma?! I hope you choke on your vegan chai latte and die on the floor of some random starbucks.3
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You have two extremes in Australia - latte sipping brunch eating do gooders who live in white suburbs but ardently support multiculturalism (as long the extent of it is only trying new italian coffee or weekend bellydancing classes) or living with white trash where women act like men and men act like animals.
There is no in between39 -
/observation
I've found that a caramel latte pairs nicely with kettle-cooked bbq potato chips.
Or I'm just weird.2 -
Linux users of dR, what are the packages/softwares you would highly recommend to a Linux kiddie (Beside latte-dock, Timeshift)? For a Kubuntu ofc?13
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Colleague: hoe you like your coffee
Me: make it a Latte Macchiato
Colleague: wait what???
Me: see attached image
4 -
Okay, so not eating has become a major problem now. This morning when i got out of bed and stood up, i fell backwards in to my bed again. I couldn't see anything, all black. A few minutes went past and i got back on my feet, got dressed and headed to school.
The thing is, a day can go past and i won't feel hungry at all. But i have to eat, but i don't.
Am i the only one with this problem?
Another thing that is happening is that when i get home from school i sit down in front of my computer and start to write some code, hours fly by and there goes that day, no homework done either.
No food, no homework. Only coding. I think i have a serious problem 😂.
On a side note, a few days ago i tasted coffee for the first time, and now i can't resist buying a cappuccino/latte when i walk past espresso house in the morning.
Here's a interesting question, why the fuck did you waste your time reading this? 😂1 -
I point out to a guy which documentation and which section he should read to solved his problem, 30minutes later I swing by and the dude sits and watches tutorials on YouTube. I ask him "did you figure it out and solved the problem?", he replies " nah! This tutorial is really great, it shows step by step...blah blah.. I can send it to you! We should all watch it tomorrow after standup" ... Really? He honestly believes were getting paid to drink latte watch tutorials on YouTube? I almost imploded at that point, went into "whatever"-mode and seriously pondered how much mentoring sucks some days. But seriously tutorials on the tube were targeted for 14year old beginners a last time I checked,did the world do a double revolution and left me behind?? Or is that guy just plainly trying to hide the fact how incompetent he is at reading docs?
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Blenz Coffee: Your Cozy Café Destination on Edmonton’s North Side
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If you're feeling hungry or just in the mood for something sweet, be sure to try one of our delicious pastries. They’re made fresh daily and are the perfect way to enhance your coffee experience.
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Friendly, Personalized Service: Our baristas are passionate about coffee and are dedicated to ensuring every customer has a positive experience. Whether you're a regular or a first-time visitor, we’ll make sure you feel right at home.
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