When you have a programmer girlfriend 😁😁

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Woke up last night after a dream and shouted to My girlfriend:
"this has to be a f**kin Boolean !!!!"

I think I am a fulltime 24/7 Programmer :D

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend? You have such a great personality”

“I’m a programmer.”

“Oh. I see.”

Hahaha :-p ❤

So my Girlfriend bought a new iPhone at Verizon today. Cool story, I know, but here's where it's gone from there.

Firstly her debit wouldn't run as credit, so we used mine but that's the least of it (but began it).

So she has 16,000 photos... Alot, sure, but not the issue. Obviously with that amount of data she wasn't about to reasonably use iCloud to back it up (understandable only by me) so she was confronted both by me and the Verizon employee about this issue to where we both (the Verizon employee and I) agreed that an iTunes backup/restore was the only way to preserve her data. She was confused. No worry, told her I had it handled and the Verizon employee agreed. Great. Yet we get home and begin the process. My girlfriend was not on the latest iOS (understandable given the battery scenario and she was on an iPhone 6) and this was ridiculous to her because she had to update in order to do the iTunes back up. Whatever, I brushed it off. Her phone was updated, and backed up... Which took a while but we are talking 30gb (of which she had no understanding of how much that was). After the back up we discovered her new phone wasn't working due to a bad sim, great, no problem we have the old one... But oh no. "I don't want that shitty old sim" she said. Uhmm what... I say, and say let me get an earring (to switch the Sims) and she gave one to me and as soon as I went to pop the tray, she had a fucking heart attack as if I was demolishing her phone. I talk her down, get it switched, get the phone to restore (slow process as she's complaining... 30gb mind you) and it works. She goes to bed. Comes back, texts aren't working. I say imessages or texts (now she has no idea) I troubleshoot, seems nothing's working, and that's okay Verizon must of reinstated the new sim and deactivated the old (fine). I switch them and it works. She proceeds to berate me about the SIM cards because she didn't want the 'old shitty one' (the one that got us to the place of a functioning phone).

Now everything works and she claims a Genius bar employee would of done this in minutes.

I (obviously) lose my shit, now I'm sleeping on the couch.

Im an IT professional / programmer..... this shit really ticked me off.

I met my girlfriend due to code.

There were these free courses for competitive programming as a preparation for the informatics olympiad and we got along and made weird programs and had a great time. Most of the other people there were much younger than us, and in the actual finals she ended up beating me by quite a bit, yet she still dares to say I am a better programmer.

It's been almost a year since then. Wow

Someone know where I can find some doc??

*Facebook Hackers follow the Rules*
(real story)

TL;DR: sorry, not available, can't do spoilers

One night I was with a group of friends out at a pub. A guy and his girlfriend show up, I didn't know them but they were my friend's friends.

The girl kept bragging the whole time about his boyfriend being a professional programmer, trying to remind it to everybody whenever possible (don't ask me why!).

So, after a while, the discussion moves towards "suspect Facebook activities" and the guy starts saying that he can hack Facebook.

- "What do you mean?", I ask.
- "Hacking into other people's accounts, even with 2 factor authentication. I did it a lot of times"
- "Wait, and they don't notice?"
- "Of course not! ^_^ He's a hacker", the girl replies.

Ok, time to do a coming out.

- "Hey, I'm a developer myself. Can you give me an idea of what you did in technical terms? Did you find a vulnerability? Used a virus? Maybe a keylogger?"
- "No... Uh... Well... The secret is to read the terms of service"
- "What?"
- "Yes... yes it's all in the facebook terms of service..."
- "Uhm, I'm not really sure I'm following. Could you prove it by hacking my Facebook account? I'm giving you the permission".

In less than a minute the discussion flew completely away and they never mentioned computers again.

😂😂

Girlfriend asks me "is this an app for nerds?"

Not every programmer is equal to a nerd....

A programmer finds a frog and picks it up. To his astonishment, the frog speaks.
- "Kiss me and I'll turn into a princess."
The programmer puts it in his pocket and moves on. The ignored frog speaks again.
- "Kiss me and I'll turn into a princess. I'll even kiss you and let you hold my hand for a day."
Once again ignored, the frog ups the stakes.
- "Alright, turn me into a princess and I'll be your girlfriend for a week. You can even show me to your friends."
No response.
- "Seriously, guy, I'm hot. I'll have sex with you, I'll tell all your friends we did it and you were awesome, you can use me as a trophy to brag."
This prompted a response out of the programmer:
"Look, I'm a programmer, I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog, that's kinda cool."

Lol 😂

When your girlfriend deletes the private repository after breakup

So there it fucking goes.

Hi. I'm WillibertXXIV.
I'm not a programmer by trade; I have a more than fulltime job as a cook. As for the last year, I spent pretty much all my free time, overlapping my sleep time, to learn how to code.

All that so I can create a game that I started working on the same day I started my learning process. So far it's shit and it's going to stay that way for a long time. Only I can say this. It's my baby. It's fucking ugly and shit but it's mine.

Yesterday I broke it. I broke my baby. I don't know how it fucking happe. When I went to sleep I had a steady 175fps, nice realtime lightning and player / enemy that flowed like running water. I worked really hard to make that happened. Profiling, writing better code, profiling, etc. It's still not good, it's less shit.

I woke up, beautiful day. Not too warm, not too cold, that sweet spot right in the middle. Girlfriend already made the coffee. Perfect. Woke up, sat down to start my morning time work before going to my realjob and

BAM

Everything is shit, 20fps max. That one thing, gfx.waitforpresent, showing up in the profiler eating everything as the game run. Movements are now of stroboscopic nature. Light is still ok but what good does it do now fucking piece of shit. I'm not qualified enough for this shit.

Fuck,
Fuck this,
Fuck this shit,
Fuck this shit i'm out of here.

I got a girlfriend. The best thing is I am a Programmer and I Have a girlfriend. Its miracle

Just wrote little poem. for my girlfriend

Forever alone like programmer
Object: find a girlfriend

how a programmer seeks for a girlfriend...

I just had my worst hackathon so far and need to puke my whole toxic hatred, the rant will be full of hate so be warned. (I just don't want to let it go on my girlfriend, but I need to shout it out loud somewhere)

First of all, it is alright to be a beginner at a hackathon. It is also alright to not know that much about coding and want to learn. But it is not alright to lie about your skill, pretend to be a senior programmer and waste my fucking time.

Don't even fucking dare to say your are "fit" in Android development if you just have done some foobar tutorial on YouTube, don't even bother to read the document and have literally non existent knowledge about computer science.

Why the fucking hell do you need to pretend to be a seasoned programmer if you are just a bloody beginner? I mean you are in a hackathon full of computer nerds so soon or later your impostor ass will be debunked so what is the point?

And the other guy. Why the fucking hell did.'t you say that you just begin Python for 3 months? You are not a fucking developer if you just started coding for 3 fucking months. Learn some fucking coding before starting with machine learning you fucking punk ass bitch script kiddie.

Alright, maybe I was too naive to not check my teammates' background before make a team with them. Fuck me and my fucking stupid ass. My dumb ass monkey brain fell for big mouths, I deserved the headache right now and none less.

Lesson learned!

The phone conversation that resulted in a breakup:

Me (to the new girl): So, which service did you take?

[My girlfriend enters and takes the phone from me; I was shocked by the sudden entry]

New girl: GoDaddy!

Girlfriend slams the phone on my face.

That day, I lost 2 things: one on-going and another potential relationship ...

Borrowed from another place because it burns right in the feels

Had a bad dream about python, woke up screaming "THERES A PYTHON ON THE FLOOR"

My girlfriend was so confused because she's not a programmer

just a programmer girlfriend

!dev

My boss told me that I should improve my posture since I was slouching. He said girls really dig good posture.

1. Highly doubt that
2. Is that why his wife married him?
2.5 If so, that’s low standards
3. I’m a programmer anyway so I’m afraid I’ll need more than good posture to get a girlfriend🤷‍♂️

Fuck this day!
Like really fuck it!
I have one of the most terrible crunch-time i ever experienced.
I’v been working 12+ hours every day with an ever-changing project timeline.
It started simple, we made a timeline, it was risky even then but it was realistic, we started working immideatly, everything looked good then a few days in BOOM! Actually our project management completely forgot client B’s projects soo we need to do that too with the same fucking deadline!!! (About 10x more work in waay less time)
Then this morning i got an email from the graphics team that we need to document our design process RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Because management wants documentations, in the middle of a fucking crunch-time.
Today it almost got physical with my project manager, i told him that he is not a programmer, i dont fucking care about his shit, just fuck off and let me work because we won’t be ready based on his unrealistic bs.
I feel like completely fucked over, like we were told 2 days before deadline that the whole company and people’s jobs depends on us now because if we wont finish this clients won’t pay.
WE ARE TWO PROGRAMMERS for studio of 10-12 people!!!
Soo i’w been thinking about getting the fuck out of here ASAP, i got an offer from a pretty big international gamedev company just what i needed, i already did their test before all of this, i passed A+.
We scheduled a skype interview for today. I had completely no time to prepare or chill off, just got out of the office, got into a starbucks and i’m interviewing. No time to even check my mic or internet, the call was so shit i could not hear anything, they neither because the plaza was loud af. Meanwhile im nervous about work, about the interview, about can they hear me at all because of the noise. I fucked it up. BIG time! I was so done i could not reverse a fucking string in c++ or explain what is a signed int!!!
Needless to say they said no.
Need time to think about it or realize what happened? Nice dreams. Back to the office and continue working.
I can’t do this anymore. My girlfriend came for me and took me home at 10pm but all i could do was stare at the floor on the subway. I don’t want people to lose their jobs but i just phisically can’t do this anymore.
Meanwhile any time i talk to my project manager about being tired he says like “hshshsbsb i have 60 hours in the last 4 days i got the worst part, i would be grateful in your place..” like fuck off dude, i dont give fuck about how you feel about this. This is not okay for me, you did this to the project, your fucking job is to manage it! I have one day off before going back to this, i have completely no idea what to do now...

[ps: this is not Nemesys. They did not let me work on my own stuff because i would be a competitor, so i left.]

- Master C# and contribute to osu!lazer
- Get a girlfriend (preferably programmer as well)
- Own a gaming rig
- Get a cat
- Survive National Graduation/University Admission Test (not China, Vietnam)
- Go to GER to hug my friend
- Break through my depression and suicidal tendency (not a joke)
- Get a part-time job at a tea house near school

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

So my girlfriend was Gavin wifi problems and she calls me to fix it with vague description of what's happening (not even enough to google).
"But I'm a programmer?"
"And?"
"That's networking, they're quite different"
"It's computer stuff it can't be that different"

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

I need a programmer girlfriend who will actually understand the pain of a crash in live app...

A medical doctor, a lawyer and a programmer debate whether it's best to have a wife or a girlfriend.

"Easy", the lawyer starts, "a girlfriend comes without any legal obligation, you can have a lot of fun together but when you get enough of her, you can just leave her without any trouble"

The physician objects: "That can only come from a man who never truly loved a woman. Your wife is not just someone who you have fun with, she is you bastion of calm, your ever-loyal partner, the completition yourself. Clearly, having a wife is better"

Both now look at the programmer who remained silent throughout the debate.

He cleans his throat and than says: "Both. You need both. You can tell you wife you're with your girlfriend and you can tell your girlfriend you are with your wife. And then, you can finally code in peace.

As a programmer my girlfriend thought I did web design.

Me: If I did web design it'd come with a label saying ~---{Made in China}.

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

Credit: i am programmer, i have no life (fb page )

Damn life.
Life is very hard.
Social relationships are very difficult.
I am so lonely.
Not friendship.
Not a girlfriend.
All I have is my laptop.
My only companion is a laptop.
The only person sitting on my feet is my laptop.

Well, I'm a programmer, so what?
What kind of person am I?
What is the purpose of my creation?

Can't wait to get a dev girlfriend,
make her my {World},
then start learning new languages even the weird ones so that I can do
~Hello {Her Name}~

Non-programmer girlfriend can make her own programming jokes

Nothing gives me the feeling of power like solving my non-programmer friends' problems with a bit of programming.
My girlfriend is an architect, got at her job a task of designing how to cut facade panels. Something nearly impossible to do with her tools and insanely time consuming to do by hand - but it's actually just a subset-sum problem with more steps. After a couple of hours of tweaking the program to properly parse excel files she can export and writing the output in a format usable for her I solved what would be an incredibly tough pickle for her and her whole company.
I'm seriously proud of myself.

As a programmer do you have a girlfriend???

hey guys i need advise.
I currently got a job that i love with a lot of freedom. but the payment is not good and i am concerned that the company won't be there in the next 5 to 10 years.

I am a 25 years old, self taught programmer and my current employer is the only one I ever worked for. Recently I browsed xing and found a company which searches an employee with exactly my skillset (they need someone for a specific ERP system in which I am damn good at). The company is half an our away - my current job 20 minutes away. Also I think because the person they are looking for is rare because you need technical knowledge of windows and doors and you need to know how to administrate this erp system plus knowing some programming stuff.
There is also a very big company 10 minutes (walking) from home where I could apply. I think at this company i would start lower but could maybe study and working for them with higher expectations in long term (just google Hettich in germany here in the village this is big)

The problem I currently have is the following. If the company I work for is closing in lets say ten years, then I am 35 without a degree. I have a girlfriend - want to marry her and getting a child.

I have holiday now and i will apply for both companies. I feel very uncomfortable doing this because the company I work for is the company of my granddad. I don't have the balls to tell him that even if i get a raise that does not solve the 35 years issue.

Well, first of all I will just apply. Lets see how much value I have.

But I thought that asking you all may give me some other input to take into account. What are your thoughts on this?

PS: just a formal "sorry for my english" and thanks for reading

What would you choose if you can have a girlfriend who is also a programmer or a "normal" one 🤔
I think, I would choose the normal one 👀

I am not a programmer, but I know a little bit of Python, C# and C++, but mostly basic syntax of latest two. Nevertheless it gives me higher ground, why?

I develop way od thinking which maker my life easier. I Havel intershop in Pharmacy and they print small papers with number which you show to get remaining drugs. Currently is number, 17592 which makes someone to type almost 40k numbers and erase also this amount. I use variable function in Libreoffice Writer and you have to type one number and it autonumber 64 (easily to expand but unnecessary) and save fucktone of time 😃 And this is why I thing that teaching programming is beneficial, because it develops mindset of resolving problems in easier way.

On the other hand in a few hours I wrote program for my girlfriend to draw randomly picture of herbal material (leaf, root, fruit etc) and ask for Latin name of this material, check if is correct and display necessary information. Programming was quick, most of time I prepare data for this software and this feels so fuxkibg awesome that I could use my knowledge to help my girlfriend and make something useful which makes me proud (code looks like blue waffle, but it works 😃). Fucking deadlines, but at least I could finish it 😃

How does Programmer enjoy their Life?

Girl: Do you drink?
Programmer: No.
Girl: Have Girlfriend?
Programmer: No.
Girl: Then how do you enjoy life?
Programmer: I am a Programmer

I know this is not a de devrant, but I had a girlfriend for about a year. And today I found out she cheated on me twice the last few weeks.

How should a programmer deal with this?

Woke up yesterday morning from a dream where I was explaining what needed to be done to upgrade a Drupal 6 site. It hasn't been supported officially for years and I was explaining how there isn't a decent port of the main module we use Audio. And even the guy I was explaining this too seemed somewhat exasperated. So yeah, this is reality.

I could probably write a real upgrade path for the Drupal module and take all of our content into a new version of Drupal. But it would involve a fair amount of learning and outdated syntax and then learning Drupal 8. This would be all volunteer and take away from my time working on my other open source radio automation project.

All the while I've been learning Ruby on Rails for a class and I could just upgrade the app right out of Drupal, but this would require me to support the site into perpetuity. Which I already more or less do.

Drupal at this point is like an ex- girlfriend who I've grown away from, we did cool things but always got into fights about stupid things. Now I have to revisit my past mistakes and decide what to clean up and what to take into the future. I'm a better programmer now but I'm still not sure if it is worth my time to rekindle my romance with Drupal or it would just distract me from my current pursuits. Anyone who has been through the transition of a Drupal site from one major version to the next should feel my pain. At least it's not Word Press.

Girlfriend complains about how I'm always on my laptop, coding, and how I'm not spending enough time with her.
I tell her that my laptop is not the NUMBER ONE thing in my life, but She is.
Little does she know that as a programmer, I start counting from zero

!rant
I got an old laptop from my girlfriend that I can use for whatever I want.

As a programmer and computer nerd you can't deny that you wouldn't do anything with it, but what to do?
I want to use it for something, but can't figure out what. Maybe you have some ideas :D

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

Why did the computer programmer get in trouble with his girlfriend? Because he kept trying to "Ctrl+Z" their arguments, but she wanted a real resolution!