I love how the people on here are pretty much always nice.
Yes, there are some *wink AlexDeLarge* who use strong language, some dirty jokes and sometimes there are topics where people don't agree on but I've never seen any honest insults or toxic behaviour (other than the opinion on your shitty client or boss lol).
No annoying trolls (the nearest to a troll I know on here is Jase but he's fun and mostly welcome here).
No spam/ads from users (only maybe recommendations).
And the most unbelievable thing is that devRant itself is free, adfree and based on the community voluntary donating for the server and work costs.

Dude, devRant fucking rules.

Once upon a time in Devland, there were two best friends @Alice and @Michelle and they worked together at The DevCo company as developers.
After a tough day handling an @-ANGRY-CLIENT-, they thought that they had to go and @RantSomewhere and so they went to a café. At the café, they ranted about some stupid clients, and @theItalianGuy at the third floor of their office building who never picked up calls, and @thatJavaGuy from the second floor who, they thought, was @notarealDev, and the usual stuff about their work. Somewhere in between, @Alice thought it would be @funvengeance to @hack @theNSA; “@karma is coming to get them”, said @Michelle.
To do this, they knew they’d have to take help from none other than @Gandalf who lived in a nearby @cave. So, the next day, taking a leave from work, @Alice and @Michelle embarked on journey to meet @Gandalf. After about an hour’s drive, they reached @Gandalf’s @cave. @Michelle went ahead to knock on @Gandalf’s rusty cave door. Being a lazy @necromancer, he magically opened his door 2 minutes later. “Who is't dares to disturb me in mine own catch but a wink?” shouted a voice from the back; “We’re two developers from DevCo and we need your help in our mission to @hack @theNSA”, shouted @Michelle. After a few seconds, he replied, ”Hmm… N'rmally I wouldst sendeth thee to mine own cousin @Hagrid, but in thy case, I sayeth thee shouldst visiteth the detective who is't goeth by the nameth @S-Holmes”. @Alice replied back, “Thank you, Sir @Gandalf, we’ll get help from this @S-Holmes, I’ve heard that he’s an @exceptionalGuy”; “Mine own pleasure, Farewell!” said @Gandalf, and the door closed shut.
So, @Alice and @Michelle went back to their car, and that time @Alice raised a question, “How are we gonna find this @S-Holmes? We don’t have a phone number or anything so we could contact this guy.”
“We should call @thatJavaGuy from work, I’ve heard he is a man of resources, he must know how to contact @S-Holmes”, said @Michelle.
And it was true, after a call with @thatJavaGuy, they were able to obtain @S-Holmes’s phone number.
“Howdy, this is @S-Holmes, what can I diddily ding dong do you for?”
“Hi, I’m @Alice, I’m from DevCo and I was hoping that I could get your help in our mission.”
“What kind of mission?”, asked @S-Holmes.
“We want to @hack @theNSA.”, replied @Alice.
“Okay… I think I might be able to hel-diddly-elp you! There’s an old and abandoned laberino noodly-near @stacked Street. It was made in @1989 and since then, it houses a magical computeroo that can hel-diddly-elp you in your mission. So, you just have to connect the computeroo to the Internet and you can diddily ding dong do your programmeroo thing and then you'll have access to the the noodly-nsa diddily ding dong database!”, answered @S-Holmes.
S-Holmes continued, “But I shall warn you, there's a riddly-rumorino that the laberino was abandoned because of an @electric-ghost that lurks there, but I bel-diddly-elieve it is just a computeroo program that was diddily ding dong designed to try to @stop hackers from accessing the top secret stuff!".
“Okay, thanks for your help! I bet we can handle whatever this @electric-ghost thing is, so… Goodbye!”, replied @Alice.
“Goodbye!”, said @S-Holmes and that ended their conversation.
Luckily, the @stacked Street was just a couple of miles away from them, so they reached the lab quickly.
As they got close to the lab they saw something that really surprised them…
--------
To be continued in part two...
(Do you want a part two? :/)

My first ever story is a little special because it is kind of dev related at it has "cameos" by various devranters, as you might have noticed.
How many did you count?
More in Part Two.

Thank you for reading and please, any feedback is welcome. Did you like it?
I haven't really revised it once, it is straight out of the keyboard.
Should I drop the "@" ?
But then it would impossible to spot some of the devRanters .
Let me know.

PS
What should be the title?
1)Alice in DevLand?
2)Adventures of Alice and Friends: Hacking the NSA?
You decide..(or maybe I'll pick the second one :D)

I had a short gig for a startup where I was meant to migrate the entire backend to serverless. It was my first time learning what serverless was and I had just been working on the app for around 2-3 weeks.

Boss rolls in with his leased Tesla and sort of hints at me being finished with a certain area by the next day, giving me a wink as if he's just trying to motivate me to keep on struggling.

Turns out he decided that he wanted a fully fledged demo and went off on me because I hadn't finished migrating the UI for that certain section (just the backend). I decided that there were better things to work on while I was at it migrating the backend. Had I known that he expected some form of fancy demo, maybe I would have done things differently.

He then proceeded by letting me know that he could have finished my work in half the time it took me and decided to remind me that I had a probationary employment. I left the company two weeks later and the app never got released.

during an interview for a software dev job...

interviewer: so in your opinion, what is the best part of git?

me: pushing to master

interview: damn that's the best answer anyone has ever answered. well played. *wink*

There's a developer hired solely to write an application to replace millions of dollar third-party subscription somewhere in the universe.

Working from home now check out the new setup. All that's missing is some devRant swag "wink wink nuge nuge know what i mean yes yes ....." Let me know what you think.

So my room mate received an email from a recruiter today:

Hey XXX,

We have not given up yet. We know you are a busy person so we thought of a very time-saving number system. Just send us the number that fits.

1) I am interested, tell me more.
2) Offer sounds interesting but I still don't have time, message me again in 6 months.
3) Thanks for the offer but XXX is still not a city I am interested in.
4) Not interested, thanks for the offer.

1,2 or 3? I am looking forward to your number ;)
(They actually included the wink emoji)

Regards,
Recruiter XXX

We usually don't read these recruiter emails but this one was actually funny :D

I invented a developper smiley, it's:
; {)
It's a guy who wink with a mustache

When you work for a long while in a convoluted piece of code and then compile and it just works...

*wink, wink*

Then you spend another 30 minutes going through the code in disbelief trying to figure out why it didn't break 😵

"It's not a bug, it's a feature 😉"

PM: we need to show some progress, lets build a dashboard to display metrics.
Me: what metrics do we use ? The current period?
PM: No, those aren't good. Use math to show we made progress *wink*
Me: .......

Give Job

Make navigation menu great again

So this company wanted their site launched early..so I coded for 3 days straight, hardly a wink of sleep and I launched it by the new deadline they gave me. Then they send me screenshots of a million problems with CSS and I'm like...THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUSH YOU STUPID PRICKS

I have this coworker who praises himself or being vegan an caring a lot about the world and his health, but smokes and drinks quite a lot. He also is very friendly with everyone but then he privately complains about them with me and goes back to be friendly.

I could ignored this behavior until it started affecting me. Now he is just passive aggressive with everyone, including me. The kind of guy who sends a slightly bitter comment with a wink at the end almost everyday. The kind of guy who will talk to you non-stop like he is your best friend and next morning don't even look at you. The one who will try to teach you some lesson whenever you say something publicly (which he did tons of times and ended up fucking up because he had no idea what he was talking about).

I feel like ignoring him from now on no matter what he says, because he is only waiting for the perfect opportunity to make you feel like a not caring human being so he can keep standing out and controlling everyone. Yes, if you ever try to organize something, he will make sure to criticize you.

So... that's it.

I remember the first time I was experimenting with Linux and decided to install Kali Linux (was still version 1 at the time) and in the process cleaned my hard drive. I was in first year and I hadn't been introduced to git, so you can imagine what happened to my code.

Or when I dumped all my databases into one SQL file (the feature looked tasty in phpmyadmin) and then after reinstalling everything, I couldn't import back the files.

Or last year, where I was on industrial attachment. So we were to delete some data from DHIS2 manually. So as a developer I grouped all organisation units to be deleted under one parent and wrote a python script to recursively delete anything in that group. Just when I was about to show my supervisor how efficiently my script was deleting stuff, he said, "Don't delete anything yet". I hope he doesn't read this *wink*

Fast forward, last week on Friday I dropped my external hard drive. It just works on one USB port now, no idea how and why.

I found this funny, or my dev-humor is just really bad :>

Friend: Ugh
Friend: Java and BlueJ.
Friend: Why you indicate relationships between classes that have no relationships.
Friend: Fu BueJ
Me: It's called a crush :wink:
Me: *badum-tssss*

Precision: As in having a crush on a person, but no relationship :)

Sometimes we woulg get a request which involves adding something or changing something to a rather large and poorly made codebase which me and my lead have not had the time to change.

This b how shit goes:

* the lead gets a call after an email was sent with apparently only 5 secs of response time( inpatient fucks)

* lead calls me in next to his station to listen to the call

* i b listening and shit, not even taking notes and shit, looking all secret weapon and shit.
Texas as fuck.

* lead puts shit on hold and looks at me

Lead: "Allright. You know the codebase as well as I do, what you think?"

Me: pffft gimme 30 mins and Ill whip out yo solution

Lead: we positive on the estimate?

Me: as positive as the Texas Rangers sucking ass but we still love em, fuck the Astros

Lead: there is only room for one team

Me: only one

**fist bump

* goes back to the call:

Lead: yeah its gonna take 2 days at most.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we do finish them in 30 mins. The trick is in doing it extra fast so we have enough time to fuck around or do some other shit and to make it seem like we do some hard shit. After maybe 6 hours we tell them that we managed to fix it before time.

Texas....as....fuck

Btw me and the lead tall about whatever while we code the stuff, most of the time I do it since my boy has heavy eye problems and I want him to relax. He has been training me a lot in regards to knowing the codebase, before I got here it was only him for two fucking campuses and the man did an outstanding job. My boy got my ass and I got his.

Teamwork, the southern gentleman's way.

Texas.

P.d while coding it he said the one of the file sizes was too big to handle, i said "das what she said" and our female manager said "i heard that".......i could have sworn that she gave me a lil wink. Well damn.

How do you approach generating "random" unique numbers/strings ? Exactly, when you have to be sure the generated stuff is unique overtime? Eg. as few collisions in future as possible.

Now I don't mean UUIDs but when there is a functionality that needs some length defined, symbol specific and definitely unique data, every time it does it's stuff.

TLDR STORY: Generating 8 digits long numbers so they are (deterministically - wink wink) unique is hard but Format Preserving Encryption saves the day. (for me)

FULL STORY:
I had to deal with both strings and codes today.
One was to generate shortlink word for url, luckily found a library that does exactly this. (Hashids)
BUT generating 8 digits long, somewhat random number was harder then I thought, found out on SO something like "sha256(seed) => bytes => ascii/numbers mangling" but that had a lot of collisions because of how the hash got mangled to actually output numbers and also to fit the length.
After some hours I stumbled upon Format Preserving encryption (pyffx) and man it did what I wanted and it had max 2 collisions in 100k values. Still the solution with this feels hacky af. (encrypting straddled unix timestamp with lots of decimals)

I can't shift to kotlin because my company is fucking around on being on Java 7 (with retrolamdas *wink*), where it takes 10 minutes for a gradle build.

Anyone know a good open source web page builder? If there's a laravel integration would be better.

Got a client needs this very soon!

Sort of just assumed someone did it, but yeah, like there's lots, I see wink, grapejs, etc. But there's gotta be one perfect for my needs.

Thanks!

dude1: You know what having big feet means, right? <wink, wink>
dude2: You get to wear clown shoes!

Gives a whole new meaning to "big shoes to fill".

It be cool our if SVN got fixed so I could commit changes again. Or while it's down look at other vc options, maybe git?

Nudge, nudge wink, wink.

But in all seriousness wtf did the dba's do to break SVN? Logging my changes in a spreadsheet sucks raw balls.

About 20 hours. We had a major campaign for a product launch back in the days when MSN Messenger was awesome. Hitting F5 in MS sql query analyzer to execute query again would show like 20K+ downloads each time, shit was crazy. Then we discovered a major fuck up. Turned out that someone made a mistake by making a guid static. In a personalized content generator. So, most users ended up with someone else's face inside their personalized MSN Messenger wink. Oops... and no, we didn't do code reviews nor TDD back then so we didn't discover it sooner. It was really awesome to see how much traffic MS could generate by just showing a banner in hotmail. Real crazy. Anyway, we fixed it, discovery of the actual problem did take some time though.

Something I should've ranted a while ago, it just came to my mind

We had to learn html and css (I knew a lot about it already, heck, I'm building a website for someone)
So, we had to use object tags to embed parts of the page like you'd do with php

The thing that fucking annoyed me was the stuff that's in the files we had to refer to in the tags

You had
doctype
Html
Body
The whole fucking header with its title and fucking meta tags and shit

Why the fuck would you teach it like that?!
I would've posted a picture but I was too annoyed by the code and deleted everything I had from that course

Ah yeah, they told us to use bluefish
I used notepad++ since I'm not a noon and I know my html tags and css stuff

OK I just tried to unlock my laptop with my fingerprint a thousand times and the smiley just fucking winks at me.
don't wink at me, fucking LET ME IN

It's dual booted with Linux, to try Linux, I'm actually liking it so far.
couldn't find any drivers for the fingerprint sensor yet, but we'll see

On the back-room interview couch. There is no job *wink wink*

OK, so, I see PY files shared on GitHub. All I know is, it is code for certain apps or pages. I download SEVERAL DIFFERENT PROGRAMS trying to get PY to open. Some didn't work, others were in Console and not Form. I asked for help on the Forum, how to open it, they do the same BS; gave me a Console app that just stays black for less than a second, and closes. I ask for a Form version. They made the excuse that it wasn't a program like I was thinking. They rudely tell me to be polite, but something like this IS GOING TO HAPPEN if they can't get their crap working. Eventually, after I TOLD THEM I WAS FURIOUS, THEY HIDE MY QUESTION FOR 10 MINUTES. When I replied, I DID NOT CUSS, I REPLACED LETTERS WITH ASTERISKS AND SYMBOLS, AND STILL GOT SUSPENDED, FOR A MONTH, AFTER TELLING THEM I WAS FURIOUS.

On the other hand, I was using Audacity. I upgraded and a plugin stops working. I thought they messed something up, so I wait using the outdated version for the fix for a few months, and so a few months later I update again, at this point I was a little upset; 2nd update and it still doesn't work. After the 3rd time, I thought they just didn't want to take the time and fix it, as people probably would have reported it by then. So I rant on Audacity's Forum saying they didn't fix an error, showed them screenshots in all versions I got and the 3 newest ones show an error. THEY TOLD ME WHAT WAS WRONG! I was trying to run a 32-Bit plugin on a 64-Bit version! I downloaded a 32-Bit version of the newest Audacity, and the plugin worked fine.

Python could've done what Audacity did, but, "No-o-o, we enjoy banning Winston when he is peed off!" And just so, the Suspension ends a day after my Birthday.

I might just ask when I'm back on, "How to remove my user off this Forum", so they can say "I can't", and flag it as malware because I almost no longer want they're help, and CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT.

Freak you in the butt, Python.

PS - If anyone knows how to use Python files in Windows 10 or know a free, non-demo program that will more-advancedly edit, save, open PY files in a Form, please, give me the name or link to the software, program or app in the comments.

Before anyone says anything, this page says "Rant", so don't ban this or I'm deleting my account. If this isn't a "Rant" site, please tell me, and/or rename this site.

That is the reason I came here, just to get my frustration out.