My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

Perfect job? Does it even exist?

We do a job because it's something others consider tedious or difficult or time consuming.

So my perfect job would be one that feels like a hobby every day and pays very well.

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

python......

PM: By when can you do this?
Me: Monday
PM: Which monday?
Me: Exactly

A colleague was doing configuration on a server and needed to restart the network card.

So he clicked disable it, just to notice that his remote session died ...

Now where can we get a cab?

Is it so damn hard to follow GNU standards, Apache?!

C'mon 😂😂

Isn't it?

well, sorry Dave

You write more bugs than code.

I once created a pop up video modal for a client.

A 'bug' was then logged:

"When you click and open the video modal, and then close the tab when finished, it closes the whole site and you have to start over again."

:|

Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

Bing as anime.

Conversation with my Boss

B: Are u a hacker?
M: No
B: We need a hacker?
M: Why?
B: Because X department wants to do a hackathon.

Okey this made my day. Laravel Nova officially uses my open-source library vue-toasted ❤️😍😍😍

Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..

Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?

Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.

*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*

*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*

*Crickets chirp*

There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.

Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.

Well yeah. He is right!

So...this is the type of security my isp's site uses 😅.

Postman: We will stop supporting our Chrome app. Please download our "Native" app for better performance.

No motherfuckers.. Go die, alone, while your fucking family watch you bleed to death helplessly.

Electron is not native, don't mix true native development with lazy ass electron. Fuck you. A native postman would've been around 15MB in size but your "native" installer is 68MB so shut the fuck up and don't call it native or I will stick my native dick in your fucking throats.

I develop native apps So yeah, I'm pissed when web devs are starting to call electron and JS as native desktop apps... They are not... Now fuck off you smelly cunts.

Status code: 200
Content-Type: application/json
Body: {"error": true, "responseCode":400 }

WordPress has really cool features!
You can uninstall it, for example.

When you keep getting +1s on a rant you posted a month ago.

My boss says "cocker" once (referring to docker) a teammate and I make a meme of that, allways we have to talk about docker we say "dicker" or when we have to talk about git we say "dick" like "dick commit, dick pull, dick push".

Software for school [more details]

Just told my dad that python 3.6 launched yesterday, he asked me if i wanted it for christmas 😅

Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.

Finally I found a webpage related to my bug.

The page is from 2004.

*keeps reading*

"Yes, yes! This is exactly the problem I'm having"

*Carefully reading each comments*

*Looking at scroll bar with stress*

*Almost coming to end, no signs of solution*

At the end the thread creator say: "Ah finally I've fixed the problem. Thanks everyone for helping"

*moment of silence*

WHY U NO SHARE THE GOD DAMN SOLUTION? YOU FUCKING IDIOT

java - - version
Unrecognized operation: - - version

FUCK!!!

java - version
java version "1.x...."

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

Why Java, WHY?!?!? 😭

Every other tool uses - - version ❤️