Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple APILearn More
Search - "dick"
On a break I went into a Best Buy to browse laptops. I had no intention on buying from them because they suck, but I just wanted to touch a few and look at specs. A salesman then thought it was a smart idea to approach me. Immediately, he was talking down to me about specs and asking if I needed it for email, Facebook, Instagram, and the like. I'll be honest, I am super girlie in my appearance and mannerisms. So I get it, I suppose. The big pseudo-nerd is going to help the little girl find a cute, social media laptop. He actually walked me over to a pink HP Stream lol. Sure, I like pink, but I don't want a useless paperweight of a machine. When I mentioned I need a new rig for coding, he actually chuckled and said "really?". So I replied "yes really, you presumptuous cockbag" and walked out. Needless to say, I won't be buying there.154
If that rant reaches 666 ++'s, I'm gonna cut a client's dick and sacrifice it to our Lord and Savior Satan.41
Me: "Hey, I see you've started your class name with a lowercase letter, It's common practice to start it with a capital letter"
Co-worker that started two weeks ago with almost no experience in c++: "Oh, right. You women and your rules, you must know it then"
Me: *Awkward laugh* *Thinking as long as he changes it i'll let that one slip* *Sends him coding standard guide just in case he doesn't believe me*
-- Two days later --
He still didn't fucking change it. It pains my eyes to look at it each time he asks me for help. Oh and stop calling me "miss", I have a name.46
Whenever i see "Create an app without coding" advertisement on facebook, first thing that come in mind is "Fuck a girl without a dick"4
Best prank I did to a office must be that one I did when I was 7 years old:
> Sat at a schoolcomputer and explored stuff
> Found alot of network printers
> Found one called "city hall front desk"
> Created a word-document with the biggest font possible
> Wrote "Dick"
> 2000 pages of the word "dick"
> Print 2000 copies
> Did the same to a kindergarten and a "rival school"
> Never got caught because I used my teachers novell account ( the password was his name)
I miss novell15
"Documentation is like sex; when it's good, it's very, very good, and when it's bad, it's better than nothing." - Dick Brandon4
So I didn't know why I kept seeing rubber ducks on devRant. Apparently, I'm not very good at typing today, either.
The result? I now have to explain why I Googled "rubber dick debugging" at work.6
That awkward moment when you tell your gf you want a rubber duck for your birthday present but you mistyped it.
Gf: "Sweetie, what gift do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "a rubber dick would be fantastic! it'll help me debug things"
Gf: "Ok... if you say so..."8
Just started to dive in to C. Lots of fun. This is my first creation. I'll have some friends to test it for me... >:)13
Dev: If you force this to be done in this timeframe it will fail in a month.
Manager: Do it anyway.
A month later:
Manager: Why didn't you tell me this would happen??
My main working laptop has delete button at the top right corner of keyboard just like the normal rest of keyboards on this planet. But some people think it is boring to be doing thing in consistent manner. And so they made this.
Result is 4 times involuntarily went into sleep mode. Gazillion times I swear I can tear the dick out of that genius who came up with this idea and swirl his brain around using said dick. If it was a girl, I'm gonna shove a durain up her vajayjay.
Oh BTW, both laptops brand is ASUS.19
This mother fucker right here.
Today I was asked as a favor by one of our vendors to assist one of their other customers with an API integration issue. We work very closely with this vendor and help beta their products etc.
I'm helping as a favor. And this guy could not be more of a dick. Constantly throwing his 20ys of experience at me and saying the API is broken. A good portion of my job is API integration so I've seen 30+ platforms all done differently and this one in question is by far the simplest.
Where does this chodemuffin get off being a dick to me? You know what buddy. Eat a dick. Figure it out yourself.3
Advising a person about a code that he has created and you don't know shit about. In dev culture it is considered a dick move.😑8
Ok so I've noticed we have a small setup "pissin contest" so my di... I mean setup is that big ;)17
That late coffee was a mistake... (For the millionth time)
Now I have to sit in bed for 2 hours contemplating my life choices...
Spoiler: not good!4
Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁26
It wasn't enough that the iPhone X's notch was making developers' lives hell; now each Android phone is trying to have its own style of notch. Eat a dick device makers.11
FUCK THIS! FUUUUCKKKKKK THIIIS!... one would be fucking excited and motivated to finish work, but your entire fucking productivity is hanging from the internet connection's dick!!!!.. Fuckin ISP mother fucker! FUCK!... i can't fuckin work under these conditions for fuck's sake! SHIT!11
Drop ur file here to convert it to another file type
10 mins later after conversion
"Sorry but u can't convert ur file cause u got an adblocker enabled pls disable it and try again"
Have u guys ever whipped ur dick out and smacked the monitor with ur dick with hope that ur dick smack will transmit the smack into the website across their face9
Hello! I am Johnny Knoxville and tonight on Jackass...we test in prod with no back out plan in place...and then I will glue Bam's hand to his dick while he's sleeping.6
I swear to god Dick Davis is the coolest wannabe and biggest threat here..
PS - This is a figure from one of my textbooks5
When I know a website runs Hotjar or some other screen recording/mouse tracking tools I draw at least one dick per visit.7
Fingerprint sensor is insecure
-gf can open your phone when you are asleep
-same with chloroform, unconscious, then use fingers
-can cut your fingers if it leads to that.
Fine I agree....but how secure is the face ID ??
-all of the same points can be applied to it.28
I love it when companies expect you to care about their vision and act like the work is 100x more important than it is.
Oh yes and of course no overtime pay or decent salary that'd be too much!
My friend called me and told me "My I.T teacher said I.E is the safest browser.". I began sighing then he continued on "He said Firefox, the Chromium project and other open source browsers are all unsafe. Because Open Source = More Vulnerabilities".
I only replied with this sentence.
"tell your teacher to eat a dick."18
Ya go ahead. Touch my screen. The next thing I would do is get that same fingerprint from my screen, unlock your phone and fucking factory reset it. Or worse, message all the girls in your contact that you have a tiny dick. Go ahead. I dare you to touch my screen.10
My boss says "cocker" once (referring to docker) a teammate and I make a meme of that, allways we have to talk about docker we say "dicker" or when we have to talk about git we say "dick" like "dick commit, dick pull, dick push".12
To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...8
To power a Pihole that blocks Ubiquiti analytics from a USB port of the Ubiquiti router itself. Ironic, cynical, yet absolutely beautiful solution.
Ubiquiti can suck my dick.21
My friend left their macbook unlocked, so we parsed the entire story of Moby Dick into the text to speech and left it in the background on full volume. Never seen such a confused face in my life.
*dad's w10 computer running super slow*
*checks task manager*
100% disk usage
*Compattelrunner.exe is at the top of the list in disk usage*
*searches online to find what the hell that is*
"Compattelrunner.exe collects program telemetry information if opted in to the Microsoft EatASackOfDicks Customer Experience Fuckup"
Telemetry is supposed to be disabled on this computer.
What the fuck Microsoft, if you want to straight out lie to my face as a customer at least try to not be so obvious that you basically lock down my computer with your telemetry shit.3
So today, i taught my professor something, and he was genuinely curious. I also told him about my part time job building websites. He is a really cool guy and wasn't a dick about a student knowing something more than himself. There should be more professors like him.
What a wonderful world we live in!5
When your Team Leader tells you that he will put his dick in the client's mouth if the client requests for more new features..
So professional :|11
The fact that I publish a contact email address on my GitHub profile for email about my fucking GitHub doesn't justify sending me unsolicited shit!! I get that you want your product out there, I get that you don't want to pay for.. you know, regular fucking advertisements, just like everyone else, because your product is entitled to special treatment, right?!
Let me tell you something, Yaren Sahin. Just like with Clark from InVision and the Chinese motherfuckers with their injection moulds from earlier, this is a clear reminder for me to avoid your unethical business like the plague! Fucking piece of shit!!
(better quality screenshot: https://i.imgur.com/ZL3ebFZ.png)
Which by the way I'm actually legally allowed to upload, because this email was unsolicited. You know, because unlike those marketing people I happen to know the laws a bit.4
Me : *wants to refactor a variable*
Visual Studio : Ok! Type the new name of the variable
Me : *backspace one time to remove a char*
VS : *erases ALL the name of the variable and ALL the usages of the variable, and no possibility to undo*
Me : ..... that was a dick move you know.9
Tumblr looks like a burning ruins right now.
They won’t actually delete porn, but they won’t allow to post porn since today either. So, petabytes of porn are here, untouched.
They haven’t defeated porn on tumblr, but they got rid of almost all of the creators who’d driven their crappy website, they’re gone to reddit and Twitter. So, that’s what I call “defeat”.
It’s funny how they posted a gif containing what they consider a permitted content and their own bot flagged it just minutes after40
And once again:
18:00: *writing a Mandelbrot algo in glsl for the GPU*
19:00: "This should be working now..."
22:00: "why isn't it working??!"
22:30: "Oh my uniform vectors become zero when they arrive on the GPU"
01:00: "Oh. I uploaded them as matrices..."
I wasted about 4 fucking hours because I suck dick.5
You know one of the things I love about this community is?
We have such a diverse group of people and even when those who don't speak English natively, they try to on the app as much as possible keeping it consistent. Even when they make some mistakes, no one's a dick about it (from what I've seen), which is awesome!13
If you're an aspiring web dev, get comfortable using the command line.
Amazing how many new starters can't restart a service or tail an error log.
I'm not saying it to be a dick, it's just 101 stuff that'll save you loads of time.1
Best advice for dev job hunting is work on your soft skills. Don't be a fucking hero, prove your teamwork ability.
Remember all the rules of all religions and social communities can be summed up in one line: "Don't be a dick!"1
If i have to repair one more lenovo laptop, imma pull up to their hq and punch all them in the dick.6
Today was my first day at work after Easter break...
It's 22:00 and my head is buried in my pillow filled by random thoughts of violence, rm -rf / schemes and questions about where my life is going!
So... Anyone wanna open a coffee shop?
Or something involving waffles...
When the client rings up saying the website is down. I say can you see any other sites. They say, no, nothing is coming up. It's your internet connection, kindly fuck off!
I brushed my teeth and went to bed at 10, opened up youtube and just chilled out,
boss calls me up at 11 I'm like, nah fam tomorrow...
Calls again and again and again, calling for the 6 time on 2 numbers!?
(M8 can't u see I'm out)
Then he texts me, bro, it's urgent!
I decide to call him up.
Boss: hey dude
Me: hey (trying to not get triggered)
Me: so what's so urgent?
Boss: OK so 2 things, I will email all of our job applicants on August 28, 2: are you available tomorrow?
Me: ( LITERALLY GOT TRIGGERED AS FUCK, THOUGHT WE HAD A DICK PICTURE ON OUR SITE OR HOSTINGER DECIDED TO BILL 2 TIMES)
ME: 👏Dude, this is so urgent? R u kidding me???? Am I available tomorrow and you will email are job applicants on August 28????
Ffs I swear6
Skipped my lectures at university just to get my new Dell laptop at home.
Here is my experience of dell account portal:
There is a 50-50 chance that your order will appear in the list of orders. It has it's own mind, sometimes it will appear, sometimes it will say it has found no orders.
Now if somehow you do see the order in the list, there is a 50-50 chance that clicking on the order number will actually show you the correct order. Most of the time it will take you to a completely different order, where you can see the name, address and other personal details of a person that you don't know. THANKS DELL!
Now if somehow clicking on the order number takes you to the right order details page, there is a 50-50 chance that there will be no courier information, it will be blank without any information. Sometimes it will show the tracking number, but no courier details.
Right, now let's say that I don't give a fuck about any of these. I stayed home, skipping my lecture, just so that I can get my laptop. They promised me that they will deliver it today and I trust them 🙂
BUT YOU MOTHERFUCKER, not only that they will not deliver it today, they haven't even bothered to give me a call and say that they won't be delivering it today. YOU PIECE OF HORSESHIT, I skipped my fucking lectures for you. Now I have to skip my lectures for another day, just to get my GODDAMN laptop.
FUCK YOU DELL, DIE IN HELL!9
Transaction isolation levels can suck a dick.
"Its not cloud, its just some one elses computer.."
Holy shit Sherlock dont you say. And did you know that you arent lets say Tom, but just some other human. Or you know what? Did you know that its not a diamonds your are browsing, but just a fucking pile of Carbon?
Goddamn that has to be the most annoying quote IT industry has ever made and everytime I hear someone say that, I just feel like they are shitting in their mouths.
Its just a name, common word for fucks sake, just like there are macs, which are just computers, believe it or not..
Just get over it please...
PS. If I ever hear you telling that quote to random person looking like messiah, I swear I will beat your head untill it comes out of your ass.
Have a blessed day.8
So.... We spend most our lives learning languages and methodologies and best practices and all that crap while depriving ourselves of sleep because the rules said if we did that we'd make something cool and have fun doing it...
But then *any company here* comes along and says make this shitty feature in *arbitrary time here* for our stupid *product here*.
You do it working overtime and sacrificing quality to have the client say afterwards that he wants something different (from his own specs).
And then the circle repeats...
I should consider a different profession...
Hey plants don't speak... Maybe I'll be a gardener!
Clip here clip there - done. I'll be a happy fucking script2
Boss asked me to work the weekend today...
Told him I have to buy some shoes and do work around the house so I can't.
In reality I'll be doing a personal project and prettying up my CV ofcourse!
P.S. this is for a project he has had me rewrite 3 times so far.5
I'm building a complex software that computes stuff with advanced algorithms and linear programming. That kind of software that proved itself strong, but you know a bug discovery would be a disaster.
The client is a dick, always acting as a bully in every email.
Last email, writes me about a supposed error of the software, while of course complaining that the software is complete crap to ensure that I keep a positive attitude.
After some hours of trying to find the cause of the fucking problem, I realized that the software was actually right since the beginning.
I've replied explaining *why* the software says what it says (acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world). Waiting for a response.
I hope that moron will feel humiliated at least a little bit.2
If you are one of those developers that always complains that you would do it better, complains after decisions are taken, complains for missing features and refuses to actually do something about it...
You are a dick.3
2 motherfuckers that were absolute shit as managers applied for a position for the web tech manager at my institution. I was the one that Xed both their applications.
Now, I didn't do it out of pettiness, I did it because both of these assholes lied about their positions, responsibilities and knowledge.
One of them washed his hands on a project stating that he had no knowledge of web development, but stated on his resume that he was working as a web dev at the time(in node and asp.net) as well as angular frontends <--- fking bullshit
The other stated that he has been coding all his life. Yeah shitbag, that is why you were selling phones at a company and when i mentioned to you that i studied comp sci you said that it sounds interesting but you had no idea what development is or how computers even work.
There were many. Might say fuck it and just take the position for myself. Shit got funny af and it is amazing how being a shit person and a liar will get back to you and bite you in the ass.
I have this amazing idea, said John
I ask John about this amazing idea.
John goes on to say that it will change the world and solve world hunger.
I ask him again, what's your idea?
John says my idea is to 'solve world hunger'! AMAZING RIGHT?
now now John, so you're gonna do it like (provide a few solutions)..
John says yeah that was exactly what my idea was (ah. Fuck you)
So John now is under the delusion that he can solve world hunger and the steps to do it came from his own ostrich-brained imagination...
Tiny fuck doesn't even realize the fact that he plagiarized.
Now we look into the future where I ask John honestly that he should come up with his own idea to solve world hunger and not use mine.
JOHN GETS ANGRY
John asks 'do you actually think that was your idea? We were brainstorming man, I told you we had to solve world hunger and only because of my voice did I spark that idea in you, I created that idea man'
So, well since he's plagiarized so much I told him that I had this plan to perform a hunger strike in the grand Canyon to get some attention..
Fidgety little bitch found another idea to steal and he was like good idea!! I'm booking my flight to the Grand Canyon now!
What bout me I ask? He says man take some rest let me face the pressure (and the glory apparently)
Well, John did not return.
Poor stupid John did not realize that I had been joking and got his little ass fired under the direct sun in the grand canyon
Moral of the story :
I WILL DESTROY YOUR HOMES AND YOUR LIVES PLAGIARISTS, I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU *cough**cough*
Damn that Sulphur hexafluoride actually worked!9
Fuuuuuuuuuuccccccckk this new dev hired is such a dick he keeps on not testing his own code for simple things and expects everyone else to test it on local and tell him his bugs.7
No bosses (other than in-game!).
I have decided. I don't wanna adult anymore. LET ME OUT!!!
Interviewed at a pseudo-startup (not quite a startup, but later realized run and organized like one) where the VP of dev ops seemed eager to have me in. I sent him my code sample and he said he'd schedule an onsite. Weeks went by without a peep.
Being persistent, I kept emailing, figuring the environment still might be worth the apparent lack of interest... Eventually the dude told me he'd been away on "travel" and he didn't check his mail. He said come on by if I was still interested...
I went in and met with a couple people on the team, interviewed (I think) well and he said he'd be in touch. Another two weeks -- nothing. I emailed again, he said they hadn't reached a decision. By this time, I'd pretty much written it off. I never heard anything back. No good, no bad.
Moral of the story, don't waste your time on anyone who doesn't respect it enough to give you theirs.3
I'm kind of disgruntled that I've only worked with one ninja level developer in my career (small market) and he was an insane dick. Despite my hatred, I treated him kindly and respected him. I wanted to learn from him but he didn't want to teach.
Ninja devs, don't be that guy.6
Microsoft sent me this on Friday... So i keep reading people complaining about the update and visual studio sucking dick... Me? Ahhaha I don't give a Shiiiiii-et!!! Bring me moar swaaagggggg!!! Hahaha whoooo4
I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job8
Boyfriend just got rejected after spending 45 minutes annotating a video using a company's shitty product they asked him to learn and utilize for the interview itself.
He did a fine job, if I do say so myself.
He was rejected today, with no reason other than a list of "common things that might have triggered a rejection".
Oh and the classic "we're sorry, we can't tell you why we rejected you - but we look forward to you re-applying in 45 days!"
Why the fuck not? If you're a recruiter and you do this shit, go royally fuck yourself. It's so beyond unprofessional and there's zero reason for it.
If he fucked up and failed, fine. At least tell him why. Be fucking adults. Your shit fucking stinks just like everyone else's, this isn't American Idol or the Hunger Games; you're not President Snow, and even Simon will tell you why you suck.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
programming gave to me:
Twelve bugs in public branch
Eleven errors to fix
Ten freaking warnings
Nine Windows Updates
Eight blue screens of deaths
Seven minutes of compiling
Six servers down
Five Android Studio crashes
Four angry stackoverflow devs
Three kernel panics
Two burned graphics cards
Angry email response from rejected interviewee
"Y'all are bogus bullshit company get the <frenchterm > out of Nevada Y'll Yankees oh and suck a dick "3
I'm sick and tired of apps sucking Apple's dick and making their apps the best thing ever for iOS but it being total shit for Android. Go fuck yourself cuntbags.11
The weekend is here!!!
Time to go out and have fun!!!
Nah just joking. Time to write some quality code after cleaning our company's backend (pun definitely intended) all week!
Some people should get their heads out of their asses to actually see that their fucking bad mood wont lighten up by randomly throwing insults around and generally being a dick.4
Too everyone who said Europe is DOOMED too due too the recent Lisa of Net Neutrallity,
GO SUCK A BIG FUCKING DICK! AND AFTER THAT GET A ROPE AND FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! AMERICANS FUCKED UP!
AND YOU ALSO CAN GET A COCKFUCKED VPN IF YOUR NOT STUPID ENOUGH!10
Internships are fucking bullshit and if more senior developers were to take the role of an actual mentor to coach juniors properly then the state of software engineering would be better.
Some people can be let down easy in terms of "this is not for you bruh", others can be built. I know that social interactions are not common for a lot of the morons in here, but being polite and kind is relatively simple if you know what you are doing. Being a dickhead != "royal levels of expertise" and if we were to coach more people into proper development practices then software would not be in such a shitty state.
For an environment that thrives in cooperation I find it hard to believe that we are still subjecting new people to the field to what can be considered slavery with little to actual no monetary compensation.
I removed many of the requirements for the application to a software developer job where I am at (I am the boss, I get to do shit like that) and my fight with HR was "I would rather someone fresh from college that I can coach properly than some dickhead with years on the field that won't listen to anything else than their own words"
Sure it would be slow, sure it would be hard, nothing ever is that simple, but my idea is "train this mkfer, level the fuck out of him, let him be off to great shit rather than giving him to some dickhead that will treat him like shit on account of being a newbie"
And yes, I do know how and what can go bad, I am going to have someone desinging shit in basic html/js/css with some php here and there not giving them the keys to every server I control. Thank you for your fucking concerns, I know what I am doing.
the experiment fails? GOOD more data for me.
Plus, you learn more when you teach others.16
Pretty fucking sure it’s Monday... Critical Server KO’ed during hours... Going to be a long day....
Sucks not having the funds to implement preventative maintenance and redundancy... Thank god for fucking backups.
To the Level C’s in our company.... take this as a wake up call you incompetent, undereducated, no dick-having-ass’, spitfucks!4
I hate the old people in my company. FUCK THEM!
First I'm telling you a bit about me, so my story makes sense. I'm currently employed as IT-Tecnician in a Helpdesk as 1st & 2nd Level Supporter. I'm working for the current company since 2 years and already sweat too much Blood and Tears for the Old farts.
Now to the Story:
I'm currently planing to make a three year study as IT-Business Engineer, because I was orginally a Real Estate and Account Manager. That is the highest schoolar degree I can currently get in IT with my background. After that I would get the pass for BSc or CAS.
Two years ago when I took the Job I told them, that I would like to start my study in the next two years. Back then they agreed and told me, they will support me.
After that I got a very good reputation in the company and also took part in projects, coded plugins and evaluated requierments for programms. I got still payd with a low Supporter income for my work.
In february this year I told them I want to start my study in May. They boss told me I should do a way lower degree for two years and go into infastructur segment. I told him that my wished degree would be higher and also include infrastructur. Boss told me, that I will need to prostpone my study a third time to autumn.
The reality is, that they want to underpay me as supporter and keep me without a degree. I should keep working on projects, which a high degree tecnician does and gets better payd. In everyway thats unfair and just a hit into my gut. They try to ruin my career and keep me cheap.
The joke is, the boss is over 50 years old and is egostic as fuck. He just wants to profit from my knowledge and wont pay me for it.
I already got the knowledge and just need to have a higher IT degree, so I get payd a fair sum for my work.
My only option is to quit the company or stay as a lowly supporter.
Even my other coworkers asked me, why I'm still a supporter with my knowledge. When I told them my story, they all shugg there heads and told me, I should get the degree.7
Stupid customer insists that the website must have the *same fucking UI* even when seen on mobile.
Where the fuck are your eyes, don't you see that a big complex table just doesn't fit the fucking screen of your crappy phone??? Of course it needs to be layed out differently.
I don't know if I should politely reply "no", or just don't give a fuck, deploy it, and then let him realize how much he is stupid.5
Fuck that shit once again. Spent an entire day releasing micro-patches because nobody listened to me, because "I am a developer but I don't do that full time".
Because you might think that I didn't fuck my ass with a giant bottle-shaped dildo studying development to get this fucking place maybe?
And what, I was right, once again. Because maybe I know the fucking project I work in, linked to the fucking product I'm certified for, you dumb cumfilled assface.
For those that doesn't know it, i do manage, maintain, develop stuff on our ECM infrastructure for our clients. I do basically everything as we have few clients and are a small company we can do this that way.
Anyway, had to release "urgently" 3 fucking features to a custom module to export stuff from the ECM to a client's ERP system. Tests? No time for this, don't lose time on this. I smell the "why didn't you test?" in two days. I fucking smell it.
Plus, the client is a fucking retarded mess. The kind of guy that is unable to check his previous e-mails and asks again the same thing, four times. Should I do a fucking tutorial on how to fucking use a fucking search bar? And you want to be informed on the technical details about the features? Come on, I have to explain you how to do your fucking CFO job.
And if it wasn't enough, My boss replied to the client while I was on holiday to explicitely tell the client that I'm the only one that can take care of that. That gives us a very professional image, doesn't it? And when I asked to train someone to at least do the administration job when I'm away, it's always a "we'll check that, we need that" but then nothing.
Anyway fuck it. if I resign I will laugh. 2 months to train someone else and get them on the export modules (which are commented and documented) in a company where in the office I'm possibly the only developer (we have one in the second office but he's a web developer).
Hopefully I'm at a bar drinking a fucking beer while continuing my golang "getting started" project. That's the only thing that makes me happy of coming back from holiday
p.s.: I want the fucking raven, make me dream.7
There's this company that I've been courting since October. I pursued them two times and the stars never align so my balls are forever blue with a hint of magenta. It's like that rare Catholic girl that has never received a holy water cumshot from a proper priest.
The first time, I passed the first level (interview with managers and other developers, they loved me) but then they had a re-structuring shit so they paused all hiring. It was fine, I didn't wait.
The second time, they re-opened the position. Someone from their NY office called me for a quick chat to figure out what my "motivations" are and why I want that pussy so bad. I passed the level as well but now, they paused it due to the virus.
They told me, since the genesis, that their process is long and I don't really mind 'cause I love that work (Data Engineer) and they pay for your Masters or some other shit I want to know but wouldn't do but deeeeeeeymn, gorl, you really making me work for that boootey.
By the time this pandemic is over, I'm gonna name a mound after you and call it "Pound Town", we gonna live there.4
Client: We need to deploy some Windows 2003 servers.
Us: Sure thing, Mr. Client. Your money is more important than the security and stability of our systems.
What we should have said: Sure, but you need to stop in our office, put your dick in a vice and we'll take turns cranking that bitch closed until you agree to use something more modern.4
My worst Technology I've worked with is deffinatly the Facebook Graph API.
THIS AIDS INVESTED PIECE OF CUNTFLAPS IS FULL OF BUGS THAT THEY REFUSE TO SOLVE.
How such a multi-billion dollar business can produce such a retardedly incestious sucky fuck dick ass cunt broken API is beyond me.
1. Make a plan
2. Execute the plan
3. Expect the plan to go horribly wrong
Truest words to come out of the DC (or any) universe!!!4
There's a guy who uses a small electric scooter to speed across the office. It's less than 30 meters to the other side of the office.
Guy is going to hurt someone at some point. I don't even know the guy but I can already tell he's a dick.3
Time for the self assessment for the year...
"Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?"
Oh idk.... Maybe owner of a small coffee shop with no stress whatsoever...
Or I might fuck off to my own little mountain like Luke that'll be nice...4
I can't be the only one wanting to be a boss just to be nice to employees? I mean there are just too many dick bosses out there.6
When your offshore co-worker pronounces your colleagues' names like this :|
Hardik - HARD DICK
Dipesh - DEEP ASS
Pinkesh - PINK ASS
"So DeepAss and PinkAss are handling Backend and Harddick is Frontend right"
Me: right 😁😁
To the cunts who use single character aliases for their SQL queries table joins... Suck my throbbing dick till you choke on it and die....
That's all... back to work10
My job is so boring... they hired me to work front-end using Vue and I'm doing back-end using Django.
I found myself so bored I think about creating an app called Big Dick Energy - A Dick Contest when I'm close to comatose.2
Pffff...... Wanna make an app tomorrow...
Got no clue what to make....
Maybe something with big AI learning data machine. Yeah I think that hits all the right buzzwords :P
Any ideas you're willing to share?7
What was the most stupid thing interview ever do to you?
(Isn't ecmascript or something?)
your brain is missing a ; somewhere...
your <body> so fat it's weight is 4096px
your dick is so small it's height:"1px"
Please use <br> or I don't understand you.
Radio Fucking One. Shit music and Dick heads talking about TV programmes involving the fake tanned brain dead chavs dating/talking about each other and this bollocks is contaminating our youth and should be stopped. Bastard shit bollocks.6
GOD DAMNED DICK EATING, CODE SHITTING, COPY PASTE MONKEYS!! STOP RELEASING LIBRARIES IF YOU HAVE 0 COMMON SENSE.
WASTED 3 HOURS JUST BECAUSE YOUR PILE OF FUCKING NODE MODULES CHANGED ENVIROMENT VARIABLES, AT LEAST PREFIX YOUR DIRT CODE BEFORE SHOVELING IT INTO THE MOUTH OF OTHER DEVS AROUND THE GLOBE.
I've been working for 12days straight to develop 6 different pages in an admin panel. The CTO decided to launch only 2 of them! Yesterday, I was late so he asked me to be more regular and produce results with a mixer of insults and profanity.
Dear CTOs, I know sometimes you guys just want to burst out but stop for a minute then try not to be an asshole. It has the complete opposite effect on an employee.
You being an dick will achieve only one thing, you being a dick.1
PHP + gettext + Windows
Get fucked you ginganormous cockfaced dick wiggle. Get the fucking fucked in your fucking fuck hole. Fucker.2
Hmm..... Do I have time before work tomorrow to watch all 3 matrix movies?
Screw it who cares. Marathon time!!!5
Merry Christmas to you all!!!
I love you guys/girls :)
May we all solve a few of our problems in 2018 (whatever they may be).1
Just woke up from a really weird dream about coding in PHP, watching Porn, some guy getting is dick cut off...
I wonder if all those things are somewhat related...5
Long story short,
Fuck programmers who call them selves entrepreneurs (pronounced in French), I'm going to entre-preneur my dick in your fucking worthless calculator you piece of camel cum!!!5
Here you go, i fucking made this excel sheet by hand because the generated logfiles were not good enough for you and now i hope your dick falls off.5
So im @ a starbucks, mindin my own fucking business doing work shit when this bitch sit down at my table tryna get my dick like eat shit im working lmao18
I was asked to transfer a spaghetti Android/iOS project to xamarin for a bank client yesterday because "that's what they use".
This is a crm/loyalty app that has been around for 2+ years now (you can imagine the mess). On top of that I have no knowledge of c#, .net or xamarin.
So I ask: "When is this supposed to be delivered?"
Boss: "It was scheduled for 2 weeks ago but let's say 2 weeks from now"
Me: "..... This is a huge remake it won't be even close to ready in 2 weeks"
Boss: "Let's check on the progress in 2 weeks and see how it goes"
Why is it hard for bosses to provide an actual timeframe???
He's been pulling the same crap with junior devs for years and of course they get nervous and create more spaghetti code...
Anyway long story short (not) I have an interview Monday!
Let's hope it's not more of the same!
P.S.: to junior devs: When you are given a deadline... IGNORE IT.5
hey dickhead, you could, at least, test everything is working after you merged your branch.Now you have leaving the company, i'm the one in charge of cleaning up your shit.
Hope you will eat a dick every time one of your program fail 'cause of your lack of test2
Just started using the Dropbox API. Want to do a simple directory listing of my files. Sends HTTP GET request at https://api.dropboxapi.com/2/files/....
"Error in call to API function "files/list_folder": Your request's HTTP request method is "GET". This function only accepts the HTTP request method "POST"."
What. The. Fuck. Dropbox.
HTTP POST is for creating a new instance of a resource. HTTP GET is for reading. GET guarantees server state is not changed while POST does not. I want to fucking list a directory, not put stuff in it.1
The SENIOR backend developer at the company I used to (as of today) work has a degree in economics and business and his only experience has been a trainee position.
No more startups please.... Seriously.... Just.... Don't... No... 😰😰😰😵😵5
I don’t know what this rant will look like, but hold tight because I’m pissed as fuck.
Why? Well, let’s start with the protagonist, which is me.
ARE YOU A NEW KIND OF IDIOT? 2 DAYS FOR A CABLE.
Let me explain this, I’ve picked up an old HP ProDesk 600G from work, works pretty well, installed 16Gb RAM, 3x 1TB Disks, let’s use it for some lab environment.
Wipe Windows, repartition this mess, install Kubuntu, went all ok, let’s reboot.
Login screen: fine, desktop: nothing. Two folders, command bar works. I try to open Konsole, nothing shows up. I try to go on tty2, nothing, tty3 something shows up.
Ok, maybe I’ve messed up something, let’s update, upgrade , fix missing and blablabla.
Fuck me, nothing works. Let’s go check the logs. Nothing.
What the fuck? Well it’s late let’s go to sleep. Next day I start over, reinstall Kubuntu, same problem.
Debug : nothing.
Then. THEN. I see this fucking cable. The fucking VGA. I was in DVI, what the fuck? Then I realised that I plugged in all sort of cables and plugged DVI AND VGA and DVI was set as second output. I was on FUCKING SECOND SCREEN THE WHOLE TIME. After unplugging naturally everything was normal again.
Fuck you self idiot. Fuck you.
Anyway, I’m also pissed of about my roommate. DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ANYTHING WITHOUT ASKING. Holy fucking shit, if you need to touch something, put your hand into your dirty pants and shake your immaculate dick.
I set up a fucking smart house not to fucking break everything. If a cable is there, leave it there. If I put an access point on a closet, leave it fucking there. Do you think I just want to wavebath to get a fucking tan? NO, I HAVE NI FUCKING COVERING IN MY ROOM.
If there’s a bulb in my lamp DO NOT FUCKING SWIPE IT. I spent 15 Minutes understanding why I couldn’t turn it on with my fucking phone.
FUCK YOU, and your mother that so badly designed your inorganic piece of cells that we call brain3
> be new in a big-ish company
> be working next to a senior dev, who's been working on The Project for 5 months now (15 yrs in company)
> be asked for halp
> senior dev didn't know how to use git push
> be Joe's terminally flaccid dick2
Phonegap, when you are using the dev app: yeah nice seems to work fine
Phonegap, when you start the compiled app: welp time to run over my dick with a truck3
I was shortlisted for a job opening and they sent me a link to a coderbyte test on friday that is only valid till sunday.
Isnt making your applicant do a test on a weekend such a dick move?6
Why are some seniors just so full of themselves? I mean... Yeah I know that they know more than me (junior) but common, you don't have to rub it in my face! Tho I'd rather have it that they rub it in my face than them explain it with the most difficult terms / hardest words they could find in the dictionary!!
I also don't need them to complain that I'm on a different platform than them (while they help me)4
Just released a small little app to share links to your PC directly from your device (Linker).
It uses a Java server running on your PC so there are no middle-men. Everything is open source and on my GitHub.
It's currently in alpha. Basically:
1. Run server on your PC (no UI ATM so run in a console) - defaults: 0.0.0.0:8090
2. Add the server IP-Port in the Android app
3. Share a link from any app through linker
4. Magic 😎
Below are the links if anyone likes the idea and wants to try it out (UI is crap I know! - I had very little time to work on it)
I miss the old times when the only source of learning a tech stack was through reading its documentation. Fast forward to 2019 where every tom, dick and harry has done a nanodegree..8
The moment the product owner we were working with almost had a seizure.
Ps: Sadly, he's still alive and continues being a dick 😑
When you work for a company where the guy next to you leans back and falls of his chair smashing into a fan all over the shop you look for people to laugh and take the piss call him a dick and no one else bats a eyelid and just keeps coding, you know you life is over in this job!!!3
The funniest thing happened today. I was helping a teammate rebase his branch onto master. Since his root was a merged local branch with 3 commits already in master, but squashed, we had to do an interactive rebase. So we have 3 commits to drop, and one to pick. He was using vsCode on windows, so he got vi to edit the rebase. I told him to change the first three pick for the letter d (alias for drop). Since he was not too familiar with vi, he only changed the first letter. I was like : dick is not a valid command, it's just d. Then he removed it and did the same thing again! When he finally understood, we both died of laughter,and so my ghost is now writting this rant. In the bus. Laughing like a crazy person. 😎
star wars fans and devs have a big thing in common:
Both groups are whiny bitches that just can't be happy.
that is all.
eat a dick bitches13
This guy is wrong in so many ways.
"Windows/macOS is the best choice for the average user. Prove me wrong."
There are actually many Gnu/Linux based operating systems that's really easy to install and use. For example Debian/any Debian based OS.
There are avarage users that use a Gnu/Linux based operating system because guess what. They think its better and it is.
Lets do a little comparision shall we.
- - - - - Windows 10 - - Debian
Cost $139 Free
Spyware Yes. No
Freedom Limited. A lot
"[Windows] It's easy to set up, easy to use and has all the software you could possibly want. And it gets the job done. What more do you need? I don't see any reason for the average joe to use it. [Linux]"
Well as I said earlier, there are Gnu/Linux based operating systems thats easy to set up too.
And by "[Windows] has all the software you could possibly want." I guess you mean that you can download all software you could possibly want because having every single piece of software (even the ones you dont need or use) on your computer is extremely space inefficient.
"Linux is far from being mainstream, I doubt it's ever gonna happen, in fact"
Yes, Linux isn't mainstream but by the increasing number of people getting to know about Linux it eventually will be mainstream.
"[Linux is] Unusable for non-developers, non-geeks.
Depends heavily on what Gnu/Linux based operating system youre on. If youre on Ubuntu, no. If youre on Arch, yes. Just dont blame Linux for it.
"Lots of usability problems, lots of elitism, lots of deniers ("works for me", "you just don't use it right", "Just git-pull the -latest branch, recompile, mess with 12 conf files and it should work")"
That depends totally on what you're trying to. As the many in the Linux community is open source contributors, the support around open source software is huge and if you have a problem then you can get a genuine answer from someone.
"Linux is a hobby OS because you literally need to make it your 'hobby' to just to figure out how the damn thing works."
First of all, Linux isnt a OS, its a kernel. Second, no you dont. You dont have to know how it works. If you do, yes it can take a while but you dont have to.
"Linux sucks and will never break into the computer market because Linux still struggles with very basic tasks."
Ever heard of System76? What basic tasks does Linux struggle with? I call bullshit.
"It should be possible to configure pretty much everything via GUI (in the end Windows and macOS allow this) which is still not a case for some situations and operations."
Most things is possible to configure via a GUI and if it isnt, use the terminal. Its not so hard
Just read an article stating you shouldn't buy windows 10 home and should buy pro instead because of 'potential performance increase' due to some of its 'added performance technology'...
Do I need to say more?8
"Hello sir, do you have time to talk about...."
Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down. Name your stack. I know how to fucking work with it. If I did not select it it is because it was not the right choice. I did not spent 4 years teaching myself to code AND later on obtaining a B.S in Computer Science(another number of years) as well as obtaining industry grade experience for you to tell me what I should use.5
There are two jobs I would rather suck dick on the street than do.
"Kotlin, why the fuck would you want to introduce a better language for Android studio and still base it entirely on jvm, fuck you jetBrains and Google, you java dick sucking retards. "
I was just told why the company's code has no documentation...
Quote: "It enforces devs to write simpler/better code"
Oh and added bonus - the whole backend is PHP with a bunch of tweaked libraries.3
Me: Ok, lets jump back into my linux install
*Turns on PC and instantly boots into windows*
Me: Hm, that's odd, maybe I accidentally changed my boot order
*Opens BIOS and sees Windows SSD is first followed by Empty SSD...*
Me: *Cries in the corner realising I have just accidentally removed the Linux SSD and put it back in to try and install MacOS*2
For anyone using ms teams, prepare yourself for a ruined dark theme.
Fuckers have made it darker with more contrast 😩2
Wishing to punch someone...
My dick boss pushes his frustrations on me because I don't reply... (was educated better then that)
If he's not yelling he's teasing or making fun..
I'm sick since I've been sleeping 3, 4 hours a day (overwork)
On the limit... Almost exploding...
And I know myself... If I explode I won't stop... Need this job
tbh my high school curriculum revolves around the fact that my compsci class is run by code.org
i fucking hate those videos and drag and drop blocks to learn how to code
in 10years when im (hoping to be ) a software engineer, will the company have drag and drop? no. they will have keyboards and a screen. teach me how to fucking type code and not blocks please...
code.org has tainted this world just like how puberty tainted my dick recently...
teach me how to code, dont teach me how to drag and drop..7
Yall ever have that boss who was an engineer for so long that he forgot how to work with people but somehow he convinced the bigger boss to let him take a leadership position and now he just uses that position to demand all the shitty changes people wouldn't let him do while he was an engineer because they were shitty changes because he now thinks of himself as dictator-in-chief.
I have that.3
Every f*k**g morning.. "Good morning _____, goood morning!" I'm so tired of these work from home Zoom calls with my boss. OMG. Everybody gotta suck her dick like we like her. Aaaaaaah. #tears2
Wondering why I haven't received deposit for new job yet. Check for signed quote and contract... Yep, both there. Look I account program to see when I sent invoice.....
I haven't sent it yet!
I'm a dick!1
I'm seeing a lot of these rants today and I just felt jealous so...
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!
You can pivot to something more your pace like whittling or something...
To whoever wrote every template in index.html instead of separate files: i hope your dick falls off.
Have u ever opened youtube app on ur phone and started watching a yt video but before u could watch that video u got interrupted with an ad that u can not skip and so u got so frustrated to the point that u grabbed ur dick and slapped the phone screen so the ad can eat ur dick and just before the ad expired u jizzed on the face of that ad and so when the ad was about to finish there was a skip button so u tapped that button not with ur finger but with the tip of ur dick although it was difficult to do that because the jizz kind of interfered with ur touch screen controls so u had to wipe the jizz from ur phone screen with ur dick into the mouth of whoever was in the ad in order to properly press the skip button for that ad so u can simply skip it and finally start watching the yt video that u were initially trying to do ?6
My college is full of assholic admins fucking around!
Increasing the fee, not giving WiFi, shitty mess, bad infra and what not!
Those fuckers are probably corrupted money eating leeches!
Oh god fuck them!
More on their website www.iiits.ac.in7
Java Server Faces!
Don't get me wrong, I kinda love coding Java, but JSF is just a horrible technique for web development.
Had to do it since my company got to maintain an already existing backend which the customer wanted to have some more Features but the original dev didnt continue to support.
Attached hello world example from good old mykong for those not knowing jsf: http://mkyong.com/jsf2/...4
New macbook pro has no usb ports , that's apple way of saying "fuck all developers" . That is such a dick move , also the shitty butterfly keyboard i don't know if any developer will like it , any thoughts?7
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown*
so a year ago, a client tried to sue our company because he is a dick. we terminated the contracted and went our ways. a year later he wants to come back to us because he thought he could run his real estate business himself using WordPress! I really hate this asshole1
Having one of those moments when I question why I am a dev and why the world is such a shithole.
Fucking ears ringing and stomach doing summersaults from stress.
I hope SpaceX discovers alien life so I can go with them!4
TLDR: coworkers are worst than clients on delivery
The endless script last part, or where I want to rip the vocal chords out of my coworker’s throat.
Delivered “quickly” last Friday night as he was stressing me, because it was urgent, because he started shit I had to refactor, because I have better shit to get done.
It’s also important to note that this “senior” sysadmin wrote requirements as follows : told me orally what he needed between a gasp and another and drew me something that looked like a diagram but without real sense. I told myself -Well, let’s get this pile of cow shit together.
Anyway, it required some amount of time to put his giant shit mix of powershell and batch together, also it was quickly but it was tested and it worked on different conditions that I specifically wrote out and designed to have menus where you can’t do shit (like putting a string on a number input).
Today he comes to me and asked if it was ready and I told him it was usable. He tries it, doesn’t know how to use it, abandons it. Then he tells me he doesn’t work how “required” and after 5 Minutes on telling Shit I tested on the exact same server, he said “well my version was ok but you know I could have been more precise”
YOU INORGANIC PILE OF PIGEON SHIT. THE FUCKING SCRIPT IS WORKING, IS REFACTORED AS IT SHOULD AND YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND A CRAP ABOUT THE FUCK YOU’RE EXECUTING.
Seriously, come tell me that you can’t see what happens. I did explicit every fucking command out for you, I even bothered to put fucking Write-Host everywhere with Colors just for your fucking sake taste.
Go fuck a pillow with your biker sunglasses.
And no, the way you cut your beard doesn’t make me think you’re 15 years younger, it makes me think you’re the kind of guy I would not accept candies outside a school.
P.s.: don’t accept candies even if the guy looks nice.1
if i work on PussyBranch to build up a feature, and DickBranch is my main branch so if i merge directly from Pussy into Dick and then work on Dick, and then switch to Pussy again then surely i wouldnt be able to commit to Dick because Pussy isn't filled up with the new code, right? I'd need to pull the latest code from Dick into Pussy branch. but what if i dont want to merge Dick into Pussy code? because what Dick contains, Pussy should not and that would cause anomaly and break uhh how do u call it, the purpose of the branch itself right. So if I want to work only on Pussy and commit just that segment of the new code into Dick, how do I do that? Do i have to force pushing Pussy code into Dick every time or can i do it without force command? serious answers only pls
also what alcohol is good for a more productive and longer hour coding sessions thx6
So why the fuck did you go into code that I've written, change the name from "mode" to "type" throughout the >1500 lines of code that's relevant to the feature, and then move on to change my implementation to something that is arguably not common practice for the language and framework we're using, and in turn create duplicate state? And why the fuck weren't these changes in separate clear commits, but instead scattered over multiple commits? You're supposed to be senior!5
Who on here used GeoCities?
I never got to see it since I'm born after yahoo bought it but do you maybe even have your old site to showcase?^^5
What’s your worst pickup lines for devs?
How about this:
When my dick gets hard, it gets as hard as NP hard.19
When the colleague that you're arguing with on a slack channel is an administrator. He has the power to delete anything you post that makes him look like a dick.
I will not submit to this reign of tyranny!3
When you receive a mass email along with all your competitors from someone looking for a quote. You know we are all just going to double our quotes as your being a dick.
You can now use a dick pic as a password. Why, god? Why.
Fingerprints are sooo 2010!😂6
-.- after the bs with amazon. they now say my item would arrive after i told them i would move. also said it'd arrive way out of prime 2days so...fuck yourselves amazon. eat a dick9
You know apple has its dick deep inside your ass when you buy a Macbook pro with no discrete gpu for game development(unreal engine) and then shell out $1500 for a fried cpu.18
Holy fucking monkey nuts my boss is such a cunt, he is soo damned ignorant, for some who worked in dev for 20 years, to tell another dev that is easy, should only need to change a few keys in order to be able to completely rewrite 6 months worth of work. Poor bastard was soo pissed he finished a whole bottle of whiskey.
I made him work from home today, we not really meant too, because you know, Developer do not do work if their duck dick of a manager is not there watching, and well it makes it a lot harder for him to make rediculously, moronic requests like that over slack.
Part of me was genuinely afraid he would same something equally moronic and said dev would try and kill him, which would put the rest of the office and the awkward position if having to help. Really complicated to cover that up and then get the stories straight and iron out the alibis.1
Whoever created the google adsense/admob report api and its documentation : choke on my dick and die you fucking asshole.
that feel when the mothfacka uses around twenty different fonts, and not be able to even name them, and don't get me started on the arbitrary resizing of links, and the seemingly random positioning of round shaped elements2
Did a Demo for a project I've been doing and I nailed it , damn it was epic.
How are y'all day's going? Don't wanna break my jaw sucking my own dick too hard
honestly im all for devrant becoming sone sort of alternative to StOve, or branched off into one, you all are so nice and fun to talk/listen to, and ypu dont treat this platform as a dick measurement contest5
My dick is like a diamond: Disappointing and too small without expensive processes to make anyone happy.
˙ǝןqɐʇɹoɟɯoɔun s,ʇı puɐ ʇɟos "ᔭ ǝʞıן ʇı ǝʞɐɯ spǝɯ dǝǝןs ʎɯ ʇnq pɹɐɥ "ϛ˙ᄅ ǝʞıן s,ʇı10
Hey here's a fun question!
If you plug an OTG enabled phone into a USB c MacBook who charges who?
Just upgraded to Mojave and Android studio 3.2.
I am now leaving it all broken and going to sleep.2
Some people are fucking cheap.
Their web requirements are top tier (3d model e-commerce) but their budget can only get them a whip from satan's dick.1
Fucking unreal bro!!! I’m working on an issue and I pushed, then there was a bug, i fixed it again, another issue for the UI change, another fixed for sorting column. All that fixed I created separate branch. My boss called me and told me im stupid for creating a separate branch everytime on a simple fix, he told me that Git isnt used that way. He told me that his been doing this 30years already. So I asked isnt it the best practice to create a separate branch on every issue or if the branch has been merged? His answer is no. Fuck this guy and his 30years experience
I should’ve responded:
First of all, if we have a test suite then I would have notice that error but we dont. You dont even want to upgrade ruby and rails. We’re stuck at version 4 on rails. Second why are you merging my MR and reviewing it on IST? Why didnt you do that locally so you can address the issue before you merged? Third fuck you and your 30years
My actual response is:
Ahh yes sir, im sorry wont happen again, my bad, sorry for that mistake.
Fuck bro im mad!!!!4
Just spent 2 hours debugging a volley call that wouldn't work because a header got refactored by mistake.....
After my second 12 hour day this week working on 4 little Mantis tickets that circled around for like 5 times...
SUCK MY DICK.
Have a nice evening everyone.1
So some asshole just tried to charge me 200 euro paid to Plugin Media Group A.G.
Couldn't get pass 3ds but still...
If you have made an order with OnePlus cancel your card. Today2
just saw this gif ( https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/fit... ) as a cover-image of some medium article. the hand looked like a dick at first2
Yay Google + leaked info!!
New old news again :P
Come on people if you want something to be safe you DO NOT I repeat DO NOT send it to someone else's computer. That's it. Fuck firewalls fuck av fuck it all.1
when you're working on a project you hate, and start naming global variables in profanity ($dick , $shit , $yourMother, etc...) to make it more enjoyable2
Code review with some people is emotionally draining. How do you keep encouraging someone to get better without being a dick when the improvement isn't there?4
1st rant here after staring for hours at my company's backend....
Is there ANY advantage in scala?? Ever??2
Using Microsoft's docs for Azure is about as fun as Spreading Your Ass Cheeks for an incoming elephant dick.3
I hate this feeling.
Changing stuff with a greamripers scythe around my neck called doubt because the available data isn't too convincing.
Then having to go big or nothing as it is an ecosystem change (e.g. changing the cipher suites of TLS, changing protocol - e.g. HTTP 1.1 to 2) so it needs to be consistent as otherwise fun stuff could happen (fun as in the grim reaper cuts off my neck except a few centimeters and plays "now your head is off, now your head is on" ).
To top it off - just few seconds after the change has happened people coming up in the support channel.
My hands are - mysteriously - not sweaty then. Rather cold.
Lil prayer to the heavens and getting the whiskey bottle...
Opening an ongoing discussion in support channel....
And they're discussing whether the page needs to have an additional arrow for going back to the last page or if the default page navigation is enough.
Constantly using @all so everyone gets pissed off due to being pinged every few seconds in a channel that was meant for emergency support.
Now my hands go from a dark red to a bright red, my nostrils flare out, my adrenaline goes through the roof and I literally wanna murder people....
I hate those days.
And I hate the timing of some people...
Like they're deliberately fucking with me without knowing it, like the universe told them explicitly to do so just to fuck with me.
And of course, everything else is fine and running smooth like butter, except that said discussion now goes on in a total flamewar so I get even more pings.
Sucks to be in management.
You have way to many rooms where people can annoy you.
To top it off - after being grumpy and pissed and angry for people just annoying the fuck out of me, I have to mediate.
Yeah. Cause the usual person is on vacancy.
*slowly strangling the whiskey bottle like homer does with bart*
Turns out after 15 mins listening to enraged UX designer vs Frontend Team Lead that UX designer meant a completely different thing - uploaded wrong screenshot, whole discussion was unnecessary.
*Nah. Fuck it. Drinking whiskey*
Reminding everyone what the fucking frigging support channel is meant for and that penis fights aka who got the longest schlong don't belong there....
"Yeah it was a mistake, but it wasn't so bad"
You pinged fucking 32 people like it was the end of the world, you ignorant fucktwads.
For over 5 mins.
For fucking frigging nothing except your tiny dicks and shitty egos.
*Second round of whiskey*
Back to work after a wasted half hour.
What says monitoring?
Ah. Everything's working.
At least luck hasn't failed me.
Good server. Brave server.
Then I hear this lil voice in my head: no.
The servers know your personality.
They're afraid. Terrified.
Somehow that thought makes me giggle always...
Childish? Maybe. But it helps on those days.... Funnily enough, remaining 3 hours noone said anything in any chat channel.
"I wonder why, I wonder how...."... *hum*
This isn't really a rant yet but... I am... 1000% sure it will be soon!
Has anyone played around with hackintosh on an Alienware 17 r3 (6700hq, 970m, fhd) or 15 r2?
Any info you can provide is welcome.
I bought this beauty a few months back and I don't want to pay for a Mac at this point(never mind their horsepower that's a different rant!) so I have a new cheap nvme SSD coming in tomorrow to throw a hackintosh on it2
Apple fucked me, their latest iOS version broke my app 🙄 10.1.2
Then my phone gap plugins decided to update to .. they also don't work 🙄
Absolute mess only way I knew was rolling code back to a version that once worked... Thanks github!3
Keep going into application level timeouts and insufficient number of xml messages frames transmitted through tcp sockets.
Found that a "custom" C-written xml parser needs 10 seconds to find the core data within 2500 chars of that xml.
I knew that C is blazing fast but that's until it's used by some dick head.2
Was the world always this shitty?
Was I too young to notice?
I mean... You can't even post anything on a forum without everyone going apeshit!!!2
Got an invitation for a telecon this afternoon. Just "some quick questions"(tm).
You stupid smurf dick, write them fucking down so that I can fucking prepare useful answers and probably eliminate the whole dumb telecon at all.
I declined the telecon, problem solved. No fucking questions means no fucking telecon. I won't burn through the project budget for ventilating your dick, you can hire a hooker for that one on your own cost centre.
I was feeling particularly mischievous today so I wrote a really helpful script for a colleague... In Perl1
When sales guys and clients meet up after a successful project, meanwhile the guys that actually did it all are non existent.
Thinking of migrating to Stockholm...
Life in Greece is pretty intolerable and only getting worse...
Any tips? Pointers? General wisdom?
Is it relatively easy to get a job there (competition-wise)?16
4 months ago I asked my company do we get new contracts?
Yes in December they said. In December I asked again. yes in two weeks. Two weeks before the end of the year. contract received. It is worse than previous contract. 20% less pay, overtime not payed. Obligated to do overtime once in a while. And more issues just to name a few
Happy fucking holidays.
Start your year fresh being unemployed yeah!11
Happy New year fellow devs!!!!
May it suck less than the previous one!!
And may we all get what we want :)
I finally realized that my fate has been written using a donkey's dick!!
Anything I plan or anything I even remotely think of, goes exactly sideways!! 😡1
Job hunting is so fucking stressful...
Everyone wants something different and the one company I actually might fit in does not have a position right now - great!
Oh and...why....the fuck... Does a company with a 10k downloads app need an aptitude test? :)3
Anyone a wine user?
I want to completely shake off Windows so I'm thinking of trying it again...
Has anyone tried it with a 970m + Wayland?5
FUCK EMMC AND 32BIT UEFI WITH A BIG RUSTY POLE.
Wow that helped actually...
Now then... If anyone has any suggestions on how to actually boot Ubuntu after installation on Asus x205ta I will give them my first born son.
People:I don't have to work that hard, I work smart.
Me too asshole. I work smart and hard. Guess what dick face, you can't out work me and that's how I leverage my passion.
Few months ago we move into a new Building, Company buys new Polycoms for 2 of the boardrooms - fancy ones with the Skype for Business and stuff.
Provision the boardroom accounts get them set up and all is working well.
Director asks if we can swap 2 boardroom phones around because their dept. just got a remote user and video calling would be awesome.
I set to work changing sign in details, provisioning accounts, assigning licenses, etc which is a long process because 365 needs to update throughout.
Finally get everything right, time to login... Failed...
Login fails on the Polycom, my laptop & an android tab - all 3 with different errors.
Decide to test account by logging into the web version in OWA - logs in perfectly.
Why Microsoft?? Why must you make it so hard? Why not just work?2
How fucking sucking difficult is it too setup a static ip in AWS on a loadbalancer??? I spend the whole day figuring out how to use the nat gateway or other means and it still doesn't work. Debugging is almost impossible because they give you zero logs.
And all of this because a client wants to work with a whitelist for their shitty system on location.2
I just found a class in the codebase which was named "Ariadne". Coz it was responsible for holding the information of where you are on the site wrt the homepage. Talk about giving meaningful names. There was no other documentation whatsoever. You know you've serious code quality issues when you expect fellow developers to know entire stories from Greek mythology to understand the code.1
Guys guys guys!!!!!!! And girls!!!
Not only did I recently obtain 2 certifications the past two or three weeks, but a company called me back to see if I was still interested in an internship that I applied for a month ago!! I sent her an updated resume and she's sending it to the IS (information systems) guy (only one for the branch in my city) and if he likes what he'll see they'll call me back 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄.
I'm so stoked because I started this bullshit job at Dave and Buster's and it's not even really technical. I started like two weeks ago but I don't give a fuck, if I can find a better opportunity elsewhere, I'm taking it. Even if it's an internship.
Only thing is, if they want me to start as soon as possible then I'll want to, but wouldn't it be best to do a two week notice for D&D?2
How do you bribe *cough* "thank" your character references?
I know a few people who vouched for me in the past without me asking for it and a few others that I asked for permission to list down in my character references. Most of these people live in different cities, companies, and some are even in different countries so the usual "I'll treat you to dinner and fuck your brains out." wouldn't work.
Kidding aside, do those online gift certificates make decent gifts? I'd love to have an excuse to stalk someone, see what they like, and have it appear at their doorstep but that might be too much unless I can make a lantern out of them.
I'm thinking that a certificate for several orders of coffee in a decent coffee shop would be a good choice since that's the common denominator of all the developers I worked with - coffee love.
So I was reassigned from Android to backend a month ago...
Meaning a poor lonely Nexus 5 was just sitting collecting dust...
Saturday night and what do I do?
Go out like a normal person?
*Laughs way too loud*
Nahhhh let's do a pwnie install and start snooping on neighbors!!!
Not a new friend. But it made a dick I know be an even better closer dick.
@soulskrix love you really2
Not sure? Be happy? Been winging it so far and looks like I’m Ganna start a start up. Wish me luck at being a dick 🦶2
Can I please just randomly find a million euros somewhere so I can just fuck off everything?!
Team building exercises... Curious to hear your opinions....
They annoy the hell out of me personally and I can't see the value in them...
Have bonded way more with previous teams by simply working on a project together. No BS exercises, or even scrum for that matter, we just respected each other and that seemed to effortlessly let us make each other better at our work.1
Please just be a dick. ()=> At least we will know what's happening - especially since it's anonymous.2
After redhats totally dick move, who would actually stay with openshift paas? Theyll just take v2 down with a month notice and think no one is affected. They could do that to v3 too one day, they clearly dont think about the customers. I guess openshift isnt for production after all, only for fun.10
Oh Trump you illiterate fuck! In whos interest is this shit?
What will be next? Banning USA factories like Apple from China? Nobody will profit from it but the whole world can se how big dick you have...16
Colleague's thought process:
Hmm I have observables but I don't understand shit.
Hey I like listeners let's add listeners to all observables.
Should I make the method return an observable and subscribe my listener to it?
Nah I'll erase everything and pass an anonymous class listener to the method so no one can chain a few calls together.
Fuck you and I hope you're reading this!!!
Time to rerewrite 2k lines of fucking code....
Past me is such a dick:
"Note to future self: this is a dirty hack taken straight from the ONLY StackedOverflow result. Didn't understand it then... "2
Well, while I still I can, I just want to say that fuck the whole EU and its fucking new shitty assfucking copyright law, which is definitely gonna completely fucking destroy internet if that crap passes.
THEY REALLY FUCKING DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO WORK ON EXCEPT MAKING SHITTY FUCKING DUMB LAWS TO ANNOY AND CONTROL PEOPLE. FUCKING CUNTS. GG
PS: Devrant will have to remove this rant when this law passes...and probably 90% of the joke category...
Edit: This would be worse than Russia blocking websites. New fucking communism5
Fuck you, Julian Assange! I mean honestly! Stop being a fucking dick, that needs to polish his ego! https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/...
(On a side note, yes it's a good idea to give a disclosure deadline, but come on just give them the code so they can fix it!)1
Fuckin' windows 10, cannot check my mining rig's hashrate API, because for whatever fucking reason it decides to block port 10555 in spite of me specifically opening it in the inbound/outbound rules.
Cassandra vm had a crash yesterday...
2 nodes with rep factor 1. (FML)
One node wouldnt start... Eventually found out one of the commit replays had an exception (the one at the time of the crash).
Boss trying to push me towards a fix all this time which was:
"Let's delete the vm and have Cassandra running on one vm"
There are not we enough curses in the world.
P.S. there are no backups.
Found someone who had a similar idea then me.😮
(Except, mine was 2 years ago and I'm working on it since)😎
Thought i'd be nice, talk or write with him about stuff.
Went to his github repo and opened up a few issues about certain design decisions and problems that he and I face because of our environment.
His reaction was mostly like "meh, doesn't matter, to individual, trivial, ...
I think he didn't even try to understand me or what I meant, or what that implies.
I don't know if I behaved like a dick, or if he is.😑
Just tried to be nice and Interact in a usefull way.
Why do Linux users always have to tell you that they use Linux and how much other OS suck donkey dick?
Considering devs using other OS usually don't give a fuck to tell everyone that they run iOS or Windows or w/e.9
Some skidmark was sucking some shitty malware's dick and I put his ass on blast.
(seriously tho "mrsmajor" is shitty malware)4
Sometimes my video card decides to be a dick, it fails to boot and makes my mobo reset the bios.
I guess it is time for that 1070 i wanted to buy since it came out.
Apparently you cannot filter based on two parameters in firebase so something similar to "select * from table where email='something' and password ='something' " doesn't work .
So a shitty hack is to create a string to concatenate email and password and store it as a field and validate based on that field.
So basically there is a field in database which is
Can anyone explain why the world sucks so bad?
I mean it was much better ~1990 am I wrong?
Seems to get worse every year...
Or maybe the cynic in me grew stronger idk...4
Stupid moderators in some server tells users to "stop adding oil to the flame" but isnt they're not even helping to mute/ban him/her. The best logic is that at the end of the day whether I argue or not, Im still at fault.1
So... In the mood for a new lang...
Mainly Java developer but have done Scala, Python lately and a bunch in the past (C, PHP, little js, HTML5).
Thinking of .Net or node js ATM...
I'd welcome any ideas :)3
I have a friend named Rich. To protect his identity we will refer to him as Rich.
Rich: I don't like Dick.
Rich: The name, I don't like the name Dick. <Rich then goes on to explain why he doesn't like the name Dick. How he got the name Rich. Like 5 or 10 minutes of this>
Me: <Trying not to laugh, because he is naive enough to not know the other connotations of not liking Dick>
Rich: And that is why I don't like Dick.
Me: <Smiles and nods. This was deep and personal to him.>
Things I wanted to say:
"I am glad we got this out in the open."
"Well, I don't like Dick either."2
updated docker for windows a few days back.. I have to reinstall on every reboot in order for it to work...
its either Hyper V being a dick or the docker guys screwed something with the update... fml1
Does anyone know a desktop widget app for Linux?
Used to have screenlets but I haven't seen it for a while...
If only I could have rainmeter...2
Anyone have something to share about working in Amsterdam?
Thinking of migrating there - I'm an Android developer.
Any company names you can throw at me are also appreciated!! :)4
Holy fuck is firebase a uber-AIDS-ridden slimy cunt of a platform. How the fuck is it impossible to give a simple wanking message during deployment of what is going pissingly wrong???
I'd have a lovely smile on my face when I could put the responsible devs at a wall and melt them to ashes with my blazing flamethrower.
3 fucking hours of searching and trying all kinds of shit out and still no clue why the fuck my functions don't appear in their stinking cloud cunthole, I mean console.
Devour a pile of fresh smelly turds, wankers!1
Well... mmc.exe got blocked today after an update...
Microsoft management console that is... And a bunch of other stuff with it... Like device manager....
Eventually resorted to gpedit and even so I still can't print (🙃🙃).
Getting a fucking Mac with the idiotic touchbar and the ridiculously low ram tomorrow (for real).
Love having an Alienware with a 6700hq and a 950 pro that I can't take advantage of because of the OS fucking up all the time...
P.S. Yes I also have Linux on it but you can't really enjoy the.... 👽 side of things with it!2
I don't go to a café named Java in my city solely because I hate the Java language. I need to really grow up! Such a dick head
The only reason the barbaric, Apache server requiring, disgusting non-intuitive syntax having, pain in the dick to set up language known as "php" is even still around AT ALL is because of laravel...just let it die already...
P.s. - work is making me learn laravel/php15
Which do you consider the best country to live/work in?
Subjective I know but I'm thinking of relocating somewhere and could use some help with the "where"!3
Talk about big pop-ups....
I left as soon as I that screenshot btw. Go suck ma dick if you want me to accept your ugly terms
French wine is for pussies. Real men only drink Californian wine. Californian to French it’s like a syrup to water. Such a big dick energy.
Australian and Hungarian wine is also nice. French is overhyped, the crapple of wine.12
Currently working on a conversion of a tool we use to keep track of our working hours (like how much time did we spend on that task, that project etc.), because the old version of that language sucks ass and the database system sucks even more ass.
Besides the other stuff that's freaking horrible in that fucking shit tool (crashes when entering wrong input, etc.) - the genius that created that peace of crap (1997!) decided that he wants to use a fucking timestamp as a PK-column on some tables.
Why the fuck would you that?! Jesus fuckin' christ.
And of course, the fuckin apprentice has to deal with this shit and has to be finished yesterday x)3
Planning on relocating to Edinburgh, Scotland (from Greece)...
Currently researching.... everything!!
If anyone has moved there I'd appreciate any tips :)5
am I the only one that thinks that Instagram has made a dick move with the recent changes in the API?
I have to fix several web pages now...1
the boy needed dick surgery..... and there was his girlfriend before surgery and she's like "don't worry it'll be alright"..... and then he woke up after anesthesia and everything went fine but there was no girlfriend......... and he asked where is my girlfriend...... and doctor told him "who do you think gave you the dick"....... this is so sad..... liek if u agree...........4
i can't live without my zsh, even tho i keep my Arch' root to bash and my FreeBSD to csh
what's your favorite shell and why so ?4
Just rebase a merge conflicts with LFS enable. What a fucking nightmare. And bitbucket, please eat a dick you useless cunt.
I can't tell if I'm being clever or a dick here. When I can't be arsed writing a dB schema I switch hibernate to create mode, let it build the database, I then just dump the schema as SQL...2