This is brilliant 😂😂

I was at the robotics group of our school when suddenly two other students (both 2 grades above me) started talking:

P1: I always forget the brackets when writing code

P2: I always forget the return statements

P3: yeah, always takes ages to find out why your code doesn't work

P4: haha, in the end it's just something missing that you didn't notice like a semicolon or a bracket

Me (thinking): do you use a fucking toaster to code? Even if you don't use an ide the compiler tells you what's wrong

Tty, Catch and what about throw ?? 😄😄

!dev
!!vodka!
!batch files. because they're stupid.

Preface: I may be drunk. If not, I'll keep trying ~

Update: no, i'm already kinda wasted.

I told @AlexDeLarge that I would try Reyka today and let him know how it is. So, let's have at it!

At the recommendation of a friend, I tried Deep Eddy (vodka) a few weeks ago. It's extremely smooth and very good. Totally recommend. I can drink it straight, or with a tiny bit of water.

The same friend also recommended Reyka, which I bought earlier today (among quite a few other things, because alcohol). Here's what I discovered:

With Reyka, I was expecting something extremely smooth and almost tasteless, but tasteless it is not. Reyka tastes halfway between vodka and a good gin, like Bombay Sapphire. It actually has a *lot* of flavor, but the vodka itself is actually pretty high quality. I haven't found anything to mix with it yet, and I don't really like it straight. I might try lemon or lemonade next.

If I was to recommend vodkas, it would be either Tito's, or Deep Eddy. (Reyka is kind of strange, so I don't know if I can recommend it yet.)

Tito's is smooth and tasty -- absolutely not a gross vodka flavor, but ... nice. All alcohols have different effects and make me feel different. Grey Goose makes me tired, Tito's makes me happy.

Deep Eddy is incredibly smooth, and has almost no taste at all. It's wonderful.

UPdte: I took awhilfe to wrte this and... I'm getting a little tooo drunkt o conitinue so i thnkg oin going to nd this rannt here. ssorry! ^^

My CSS skill so high 😵
increases lineheight↕️
Like lime light 🍋

Getting ready to apply for my first programing job in the next couple days. Really excited and stressed.

Lemon juice
Water
Vodka
Limoncello
Splash of gin (I used Bombay)
Sugar/replacement to taste
Ice

Tastes like traditional lemonade, but this one is a great remedy for burnout/reality.

Highly recommend!

Clients don't know what they want!

Was handed a detailed report and asked if I could create a webpage to dynamically generate the same thing from our database. Sure its ez ps lemon squeezy.

Simple page and database query. Boom, done. Exactly matched what they gave me.

They ask why some of the data isn't there. Uh well you cunts it wasn't on the original report...so it's not there obviously.

Usually hangs out by my laptop. Very blamable for typos and such.

Java. AGAIN. 😡

so, I am trying to get a csv opened and read, and then search through it based on values. Easy peasy lemon squeezy in python, right?

Well, damned be java. You need a buffered reader to read the file. Then you have to "while(has next)" the whole damn thing, then you have to do something with the data that you read one by one, right? Well, not to be disappointed, they do have json libraries, but you **have to install** the plugins for it. Aka you have to manually add the libraries or use some backwards manager like maven.

Gotta admit, jdbc is neat if you're anal about your sql statements, but bring the same jazz to csv, and all the hell will break loose.

Now, if you just read your json data into multiple objects and throw them in an array... Kiss shorthand search's ass goodbye, because this mofo can't search through lists without licking the arse of every object. And now, you have to find another way because this way, you can't group shit you just read from csv. (or, I haven't found a way after 5 hours of dealing with the godforsaken shitshow that java libraries are.)

Like, I'm devastated. If this rant doesn't make much sense to you, blame some java library for it.
Shouldn't be too hard.

4:04pm
I decided to forego working and made a drink.
I'm also making dinner, hence the time discrepancy.

It's an adios, motherfucker. But I don't have (and wouldn't use) 7up, and forewent sour mix in favor of lemon&lime juice and sparkling cider.

It's aoibhinn and craic
táim ag meisce 😊
Wheeeee

When life hands you lemons,
create a startup to market lemon juice
as a healthy, low-carb alternative to
lemonade.

replaced my coffee with this for the hot days 🥵

- lemon juice
- ice
- water
- sugar
- mint

cheap and tasty 😋

Why in the world is the localization function called ‘_e()’ ???

Does anyone know? Why in the world didn’t they go with something as ‘localize’ or ‘translate’ ?

It’s bothering me way more than it should but it’s like seeing a lemon and hearing people call it potato... why? D:

🎶Lemon Tree🎶
I wonder why,
I wonder how,
This stupid piece of code actually works right now.
And all that I could see, it's actually compiling...

(Happens all the time)

Saturday 9.00 AM. I was sleeping, my colleague (on holiday) sent me a text: "We got a problem on our system, probably we ran out of space". I checked the log and found out that several cron jobs failed due to not enough space on the disk. I started deleting some unnecessary logs (we're paranoid) and ended up to squeeze the vm like a lemon to save some space. Sent an email to the sysadmin, "We got to add more space ASAP, users are getting 500 errror for almost everything". Silence. I thought to myself: "Until monday we're safe..". I did a df (96%) and sent a screen to the sysadmin, just to be sure that we understood each other. Finally monday comes, nobody worries about the issue. At noon I literally takled the guy of IT dept. "Yeah, we read your email. I think the sysadmin didn't take you seriously". "Why? Which part of 'we're running out of space' isn't serious?!!!". "He just told me that we have unlimited space on that vm". Unlimited space...sure.... "Right.....the disk is at 96%, buuuuut if he said so No news to worry. Don't call me if everything burns. Have a good day!!!"

Then what else is lost... ?😂😂

Why is it seen as weird to eat a lemon like an orange? They taste nice!!

Had annual appraisal meeting today. Been in this company for 2yrs now, after being hired outta college. It happens first after 2 years, then yearly.

I have long since known that my boss is a scumbag. My lucky college mates got assigned to great managers, leaders I must say, while I got the typical, know it all boss.

Now this racist, motherfucker, for reasons unknown to me, has mostly disliked me. But hey, the feelings mutual but I don't ever go busting his ass.

Previous employees eventually transferred locations or departments. But I stuck coz I respected some colleagues and learnt a lot from them.

Now this nutjob gave me a 2/5 rating. Says I need to improve my communication. I need to talk more. WTF you goatfucking cunt! I decide how much I wanna talk. I don't waste my time, and even if I did, I don't have any right to waste someone elses time. And talking about communication skills - BITCH! Everytime you speak something, I need like 2 mins to compile your jumbled fucking words in my mind to be able to comprehend what it is you wanted to convey. And you cunt! YOU are going to tell me I need to improve my communication. Dumbfuck I ain't no Shakespeare, but I can convey my message through.

Fucking peasant!

Hmm. The lemon tea sure is good today.

My mom is amazing, bought one of this for me to try and Limon concentrate because I love lemon juice

Each day night, whenever I'm sitting to code and I feel like taking a break, this is my jam.

Brilliant lemon soda, with sugar. Helps me concentrate a lot better than coffee, or Red Bull.

when life gives you lemon, buy vodka and stuff. prepare good vodka martini. then develop an app to sell it across countries.

!rant && 'suggestion'

What if we write cook book in pseudo code (or official development languages) instead of plain english so dumb fuck that can't follow a simple instruction like me could actually make something nice?

def mayonnaise:
mayonnaise = random.shuffle(['yolk', 'salt', 'pepper', 'mustard', 'vinegar'])

while(mayonnaise not "thick"):
mayonnaise.whip()
mayonnaise.append('olive oil')

mayonnaise.append('seasoning' || 'lemon juice')

I stopped drinking soda. I talked to a colleague last week. He said artificial sweeteners in general have a higher risk of cancer. So I did my own research and found this to not only be true, but drinking sugared sodas also carries a risk. WTF?! Somebody else pointed out that "everything" causes cancer these days. But I don't want the sugar and I don't want my body producing methanol and then formaldehyde.

This week I am doing coffee and water only. I got some nice fresh bottled water and added some lemon juice to the water. Then I proceeded to drink the water. At first I was WTF is wrong with my water!? Then I realized I had put lemon juice in there.

What do you think about this level Inheritance 😃

let's understand HTML
step 1: arrange a table
step 2: get some lemons
step 3: get a squeezer
step 4: cut the lemon in half and squeeze it
step 5: pour the lemon fluid into a glass tumbler
step 6: add some water and put a sucking straw
AND THERE YOU GO
you just understood HTML( How To Make Lemonade)

If you ever need to perform CPR, just remember “Two Trucks Having Sex” song by Lemon Demon and stick to the rhythm. It’s 115bpm, just right for CPR.

At the moment of panic, this song will be with you. I know it.

a bet:
this birthday, i will get:
lemon glutenfree cake (if any) because mom can't have gluten and sister likes lemon cake. i hate both of those. but that's irrelevant as it always was.

if any, then gifts will be anything except cigarettes which is basically the only thing within price range they're willing to spend, that i would actually be happy about.

birthday is just an artificially glorified ordinary day. and i'm not the type to do hysterics to artificially glorify it. and it's fine. but then, why are they artificially glorifying it while unwilling to actually glorify it properly, as in, glorify it for me?

pick fucking one. artificially glorify it, in which case, FOR ME, or just don't give a fucking shit same as i don't.

but why are you artificially glorifying it for the purpose of ignoring me and glorifying everything exactly in spite of me, without even being aware that you're doing that?

like seriously, what? make your "i love not you, but my daughter" day, as an extra to her birthday. i don't give a shit, i'm happy you have a nice relationship. but doing all of the "i love my daugther day" shit on my birthday, AND PRETENDING IT WAS DONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY, FOR ME, and being sad about me being sad that all you did "for me" was in fact for yourself and for everyone else, that's the combo that gets me.

"oh why u making me so sad by being so sad that i ignored everything you like and kept telling me you like for the past X years and i just ignored it because it's not my nor your sister's preference?"

guess why, you fucktard. how about you ignore the day next time instead of making it an unconscious (that's the worst, that they don't even realize it) mockery of the day.

"oh why are you sadand shitty feeling that we made this bullshit ignorable "celebrate you" day about ignoring everything that celebrates you, and made it into the opposite instead? why are you so demanding and cruel?"

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
go have a walk with your beloved daughter and please ignore me as you always do.
just leave me the fuck alone.

I used to work in a Tech Support department where everybody was constantly pranking each other.

In one of the iterations of such events one of the guys actually forked the source of a login page, in one instance of the app that was running in a VM, and edited the code so it would redirect the user to a lemon party'ish website.

It was quite an upgrade to the old M.O. where people would just email themselves messages with seemingly bureaucratic call to actions containing hyperlinks to the same lemon party'ish websites.

And the most direct approach, which is to type those directly into one's browser if the laptop is left unattended & unlocked due to a trip to the toilet.

Amount needed to buy an apartment: $300k

Current (liquid) net worth: $350k

After: $50k

Thoughts:
-I hope I'm not buying a lemon
-I need more money... a better paying job... this took me 6 years...
-I think I now know how my dad felt paying for private college; he should've just brought me an apartment instead...

-It's nice I found a job programming, CS was not my college major.
-I wish I studied CS? Then maybe I could've gotten into Google...

So, started working in a nodejs/react personal project with an old friend. I code in linux mint, my pal always at windows 7 never worked in something different from php. From the very beginning I advised him to move to linux

Me: hey man, the backend is running now, pull the changes and `npm start`

Friend: ok so I need to install dependencies right?
Me: yup, easy peasy lemon squeezy

So after a brief(one week period) until my friend could install visual studio to get some deps installed

Friend: hey I ran `npm start`, it got stuck. backend does not start at all, no output messages, no error, no nothing

Me: FFS, that's why I told you from the start, "use any linux distro for this project" :(

Then for a couple of hours(4) trying to install a distro in his 7 years old laptop...

Me: Ok, let's call it a day, 7 tries to install this thing in your old machine is enough. did you not realize your HDD was really busted? in your 7 years with your laptop? this is BS that's why I could not install linux :|

Friend: I didn't, windows never showed me any problem, maybe windows is better than linux in that matter.

Me: GTFO

yellow lemon tree sound starts:
"i'm sittin' here in a boring room, just another rainy sunday afternoon, i'm wastin' my time, i got nothin' to, i'm feelin' so lonely i'm waiting for my fucking graph coloring program to finally finishing this fucking piece of graph coloring in which i spent the last four days figuring out what the goddamn problem is and for some reason my arraylists and my hashmaps didn't get along that well and now i hope that i have finally found the solution to my problem and let this fucking piece of shit of program run otherwise i'll get crazy, but nothing ever happens, ... , and i wondeeeer ... *dum dum dum* *ding*

“OhhHhh please fill out an entire fucking excel sheet for our test environment deployment. It helps us manage everything better and gives us a reason to fucking thumb around in our holes all day and pretend like we really mean something as managers.” Like absolutely no, you can go fuck yourself with a condom filled with broken glass shards and diseases is what YOU can do. You are a parasite.

“Senior lead developer” - but they don’t have a title - says: “please just give me the list of files I need to manually change on the env in real time”. Bitch, do you even know what CI/CD is?!?!? The fact that you have been doing this for a year straight makes me pity how much of a fucking dumbass you really are. Even if u don’t use a pipeline, just look at my fucking git changes. That’s literally why we have it. You are a fucking disgrace of a developer and I hope you know that everyone who is a competent dev would rather bathe in a bath filled with lemon juice and cactus spikes, before EVER working with YOU EVER AGAIN!!!

How is there no open, accepted, widely used standard to store & tag things like old family photo albums, diaries, books, etc.? Surely I can't be the only one who wants to digitise all this stuff to preserve it many years from now in case the drunk Uncle pisses on it, or Grandma's dodgy electrics burn the house down and it's all lost permanently. Or perhaps I am; it does seem that most other people doing genealogy work have the technical competence of a lemon.

Like, I get it, there's *some* online solutions for this stuff (not many and they tend to cost a fortune), but if I want to store it locally or in a private git repo or whatever... well, no-one seems to do it. I want to be able to interlink individual photos with their contextual pages in albums, store metadata about them, store audio recordings of older relatives with transcripts linked, etc. - and it just doesn't seem to be a done thing.

Ah well. Perhaps I'll do it all anyway as some kind of side project, then all being well my great great grandchildren will be immensely thankful if family history stuff ever becomes popular again.

Mine and @jacoKotze's final exams for the year (maybe for a while too) are finally starting today. Up first: programming! The most ~complicated~ subject according to our classmates. (Did you notice the sarcasm?)

C# events and delegates, file streams, and LINQ are the "new" content next to the tests where we did exception handling and inheritance.

My poor developer 😢😂

What the fuck is up with all these fucking shit-posts lately. devRant used to be fucking sick as and now it's just meme after meme and random shit everywhere. No true rants most of the time.

P.S. I'm back. Welcome to me.

Lemon tea used to work before but not anymore, coffee has taken over accompanied by chocolates and nuts

I'm too embarrassed to show my team leaders code to other developers..

unreadable, no tests, parameters hardcoded..

But managers want to "help him grow"..
When do you decide you can't fix a lemon?

sending in code every week into uni to get graded and every freaking time... my test cases are all green, and yet they manage to think of overcomplicated ~hidden~ test cases to fail me.. it'd be like: program a method that multiplies two numbers and return the result! so ill be like 'easy peasy lemon squeazy! return a*b; theyll be like 'yeah :D u got 40%' liKE wHAt do u Want from mE

Landed a part time support/maintenance job for an android app. Its only 10 hours a week and I signed it, we agreed that jira tasks will be estimated in hours.

Now all of a sudden they want me to install some time tracking app called Toggle. They expect me to work on this part time after my fullltime work and also to clock every minute worked for this part time gig. Even if I go to take a piss apparently they expect me to stop the clock and I gues the app tracks wether screen/mouse is active? Like having a sprint and a task assigned with hours for that sprint is not fucking enough. No I have to track time now. Seems fucking disrespectful.

Not sure how to actually handle this because never been in such situation. I guess I will try to work with it for a sprint or two and see how it goes. Im not gonna be squeezed out like a lemon thats for sure. Gonna "track" extra time if I feel like it, fuck it. Anyone had experience how to deal with this?

What do you give to a lemon in need? Lemonaid.

Learning coding is tough and fun at the time

So, today I found an old pair of jeans which I had bought 10 years ago. To my surprise, it fits just fine even though I've added a little more than 2 inches to my waistline over the time.

Some things grow along with you. :-)

Celebrating with a grand pot of elderflower lemon tea!

Windows why are you such a pain in the ass, seriously, if it didn't cost money to get it back. I'd just wipe it...

What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.

Whether baked or no-bake, a strawberry cheesecake is a showstopper that combines the creamy richness of the cheesecake with the sweet and slightly tangy essence of strawberries. It’s a classic dessert choice for celebrations, springtime gatherings, or any occasion where the irresistible combination of cream cheese and fresh strawberries is sure to be a crowd-pleaser.
No-Bake Strawberry Cheesecake Recipe:
Here’s a simple recipe for a no-bake strawberry cheesecake:
Ingredients For Strawberry Cheesecake:
For the Crust:
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup melted butter
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
Cheesecake Filling:
16 oz (450g) cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups fresh strawberries, hulled and diced
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Strawberry Topping:
1 cup fresh strawberries, hulled and sliced
1/4 cup strawberry jam or preserves

Instructions For Strawberry Cheesecake:
Prepare the Crust:
In a bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, and granulated sugar. Mix until the crumbs are evenly coated.
Press the mixture into the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan to form an even crust. Place it in the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.
Make the Cheesecake Filling:
In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese until smooth.
Add powdered sugar and vanilla extract, and continue to beat until well combined.
In a blender or food processor, puree the diced strawberries with lemon juice until smooth.
Fold the strawberry puree into the cream cheese mixture until evenly incorporated.
Assemble the Cheesecake:
Pour the strawberry cream cheese filling over the chilled crust in the springform pan.
Smooth the top with a spatula and refrigerate for at least 4-6 hours, or preferably overnight, to allow the cheesecake to set.
Prepare the Strawberry Topping:
In a small saucepan, heat strawberry jam or preserves over low heat until it becomes smooth and liquid.
Allow the jam to cool slightly before spreading it over the top of the chilled cheesecake.
Arrange sliced strawberries on top for decoration.

Serve:
Carefully remove the cheesecake from the springform pan before serving. Slice and enjoy! This no-bake strawberry cheesecake is a refreshing and delightful dessert that’s perfect for warm days or when you want a fuss-free, delicious treat.