Woman couldn't reach the login page of her hosting account.

After 15 minutes of debugging she found out that her Internet wasn't turned on.

This shit is the fucking reason why I drink alcohol.

I'm giving up alcohol for a month.

Wait that came out wrong.

I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month

Cred: instagram

An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, liquor store, brewery, alcohol, beer, whiskey, vodka

A SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

** Non Dev Rant **

I just need to rant about this because I'm furious.

Last night I had a house warming party. It was mostly, if not all, of my girlfriend's friends. I'm a cranky old developer so I don't have friends.

Everyone was nice and dressed nice and brought us gifts.. all of the gifts were pretty much specifically for my girlfriend.

So this one girl came... she's younger.. around 25. She came with no gift (I wasn't expecting gifts I just need to mention it for the plot), and was dressed in sweat pants. Alright, no problem.. I really don't care at least she's here.

So as more guests arrive I finally get a gift. Someone brought me a case of beer and a couple of yummy cookies. I had to put it down on the kitchen counter for a bit because I needed to grab more chairs.

The basement door where the chairs are is 10 feet away from where I left my present..

I come back from upstairs.. not even 5 minutes later and I see sweat pant girl stuffing one cookie in her fucking mouth and the other in her pants...

Are you fucking kidding me!? I bought desserts and snacks and all the alcohol you can think of and you steal MY fucking present. Not just one of them... but BOTH.

She saw the other guests give me it.. say "here buddy this is for you"... followed me in the kitchen and STOLE my fucking cookies.

I was going to eat them this morning with my coffee and I realized I couldn't because this fucking ass hole took my fucking cookies!!!!

I hosted this party for my girlfriend's SJW ass hole fucked up friends... put a smile on my face... pretended to like people... and for once didn't yell at someone... and the fucking thanks I get is 2 stolen fucking cookies.

Fuck her.

Just did some initial programming of my Arduino to run the alcohol sensor.. seems to be working well. So, looks like it's time for testing 🤤 cheers!

Yeah, Sex is fun. but have you ever done debugging critical production issue when you're high on alcohol ?

A friend of mine is heavily into java. Like seriously... programming teachers at our school ask him for help.
Everytime he gets drunk he starts saying the weirdest things like "DUDE what's your alpha value I can hardly see you".
He greets me with "What's up socket boy" and after throwing up he thinks about the best ways to sort the data. (his vomit)

Has anyone else had such experiences? I want to hear some funny stories! :D

I ranted about this guy before who thought he was a security expert while hardly knowing what the word is probably. Today I met him again at a party.

Holy fucking shit, this guy.

"we use the best servers of the netherlands"
"we use a separate server for each website and finetune them"
"we always put clusters under servers, that way we have a fallback mechanism"
"companies mostly use bv ssl certificates"
"you're on call for a week? I'm full-time on call. Why I'm drinking alcohol then? Because fuck the clients hahaha"

😥🔫

Oh, great question! I ended up removing my account of all things -.-

NEVER AGAIN!! THAT THING NEEDS FUCKING SUDO AND AN ALCOHOL TEST!!!

I type very fast and nearly without errors when tipsy. (tipsy is a step between normal and drunk here)

Also my easy-problem solving skills become awesome when on alcohol.

That's why i love programming tipsy! 😊

On the first class of cryptography professor says, "Hackers are people who dropped out of school, didn't obey their parents and turned to drugs and alcohol and steal money from people by hacking their facebook."

Then goes on to say, "People tend to keep their birthdate as their debit card's PIN so hacker checks their facebook account, finds their birthdate and goes to ATM machine and hacks their bank account."

I was speechless.

Just saved a life. I was just walking with the dog (it's 3am here) and there was a bleeding drunk on the street - completely unconscious. Must have fallen on his head. Got the police. The paramedics told me a few minutes ago that the guy had a skull fracture. A few hours later it would probably have been too late for him.

*starts coding in c#*
Me: hmm this bit of functionality requires some good ol inheritence

*has flashback to uni lecture on c++ *

Lecturer: And so you can use inheritence with friends for xyz, you know what they say friends can touch eachothers privates

*end of flashback*
Me: Guh! No, not the puns ! Guh!

Client: I have lost everything on the cloud holy crap!

Me: Are you signed into your google drive, and within the folder?

Client: No, how do i do that again? I obviously cant be bothered reading your well formated and instructional guide and would rather contact you at 6pm on a saturday night

1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.

3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.

4. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC

5. Why do they call it hyper text?
Too much JAVA.

6. Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn't Node how to Express himself

7. In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.

8. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#

9. What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte

10. Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache

11. Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile?
He wanted to keep a low profile.

12. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

13. I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

14. 8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks "What will it be?"
One of them says, "Make us a double."

15. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?"
The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."

16. These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

17. "Knock, knock. Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."

18. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

19. There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

20. There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

"Do you like your job? I mean, all those collored lines in that funny font... sitting at the desk with this adorable rubber duck... Do you guys jus".....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Me: "SHUT UP YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!! I MADE 26 COMMITS DURING THIS FUCKING DAY, THE DAY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST WORKING DAY OF THIS SHITTY YEAR! I HAVE NOT SLEPT AS I SHOULD AT ALL CAUSE THIS FUCKING MIGRATION OF NEW YEAR'S UPDATE AND NOW... AHH NOW YOU STUPID FYCKING PSYCHO... NOW I HAVE TO CONTROLL MYSELF DURING NEXT DINNER WITH FRIENDS, HAVE NO MUCH ALCOHOL CAUSE DURING SUNDAY, EVEN ITS A FUCKING HOLIDAY AND EVEN IF I AM IN A LOOONNGG HANGOVER, I DO STILL NEED TO COMPLETE THIS FUCKING NEW YEAR MIGRATION YOU ASS PUNK! GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU LITLE USELESS TINY LITLE SHIT!!!"

And this is how I see my new years resolution: the time is priceles doing this questions to me...

Happy new year, fellazz! 💃🎆🎉

My boss asked me if he could smoke one before starting the interview. So I went down with him and lighted one up as well. Then we started to talk as if we were friends since years after I told him I like to drink alcohol from time to time (he asked :D) . Afterwards he just asked me if I know Java and stuff and I was like "sure ez pz". We still have drinking competitions on every company event. Best boss ever

!rant
About to attend a hackathon with free food and beverages - including alcohol.
And I can't get this xkcd with the ballmer peaking out of my head.
I sincerely hope it won't get as bad as ME...

I stare through the blueish black backgrounds and blurry colorful syntax into a somewhat familiar office within a mirrored world. That damned reflective glass layer covering these meaningless pixels is certainly not on my side.

The rushing sound of transactions flowing through cables is silenced today. Some blood cloth in the invoicing system is zeroing out everything after the currency mark.

While sighing I spin a one-and-a-half pirouette on my desk chair — even when desperate, you shouldn't give up on style — I take three steps away from my screen and try to harmonize my thoughts.

So much noise, everywhere... Noise from within?

I have been stuck at the apogee of an inhale for a while now. Locked into some masochistic constriction, self-punishment for the blindness which stings my ego.

Just fucking take a deep breath you asshole...

I freeze in place, and fall backwards.

Patterns on the creamy drywall rapidly vibrate and synchronize on vivid rhythms of respiration and resonating basslines. Deep indigo rainbows ripple through tiny veins, in-between chalky grains, raining as fine magenta dust through the ceiling frames.

My bare feet slide over soft oscillating concrete, fine flows of unsievable sand surrounded by toes, toes surrounded by streaming variables veiled in obscure vile abstractions.

A jadegreen field of vectored compressions resiliently rumbles and bounces through the clearances and corners of the vibrant concrete office cave, whispering in tongues. I try to voice my woes in little blips and bleeps but I seem to be missing an asymmetric key to their shrouded sequenced speech.

Suddenly, a wild turbulence breaks up all signals.

Joanna floats by in her tipsy effervescent cloud of disordered black hair and alcohol perfume, one hand grasping grapes, her other waving at me.

With every finger she moves a thousand tensors propagating paradoxically flawed but perfect pieces of an intricate surreal picture, sketching whole constellations of possible paths throughout the leafs of the giant Ficus next to her desk.

She stops dead in her tracks, and asks somewhat hypocritically: "Are you high?"

I can not discern the meaning of her words, and respond stoically.

"Joanna! Check out those branches!".

"Pun intended?", she giggles.

I'm focused on her grapeless hand, her fingers stretching to reach the lush little tree.

On touch, the plant shivers, grappled in the tight net of the puppet master. She pulls her strings, applying measured weights, all nodes normalize, and Joanna speaks in an oddly soft tone:

"Isn't it beautiful, how so many models emulate nature"

Her cheek buried in foliage she babbles on about unbalanced search trees and machine learning models... but from the tips of her fingers tables and indexes flow into the plant. Users, payments, tariffs, invoices and taxes crawl over the bark, joining at thicker branches, joining at the stem....

Joining. JOINING. A JOIN.

"IF THERE'S NO FUCKING TAX MULTIPLIER IN THIS LEFT JOIN, EVERYTHING COALESCES TO ZERO" I shout at a perplexed Joanna who squeezes grape juice over her desk. I hop on the beat to my keyboard. She looks puzzled, hugs her Ficus tightly, and reaches for the whiskey bottle behind her monitor.

Attracted by my exclamation, Tom from finance swings open the door, while I push my branch.

I look at Joanna still half hiding between the leaves, and I laugh at her: "Branches! Oh, lame, I finally got it!"

Tom's heavy voice interrupts me: "Does this mean... does this mean that the invoicing bug is resolved?".

I smile at Tom with his tailored suit and waxed hair. "The money is flowing once more. All debts are being settled."

He releases his breath in relief, which he seems to have held since that morning as well.

Joanna adds: "Although I think he is forever indebted to my Ficus".

I nod.

I have just modded my router and added working USB2.0 to it.
I told about it to my classmates and they told me "You dont have a life"
My response "Maybe not but i have router with USB2.0 soldered to CPU"
And then told them that its maybe not life for them since im not drinking alcohol every friday but that this is just pure fun for me to do this with Tech.

Completely losing my shit over a 'class Predis\Autoloader already defined' error.

Just noticed that I already created the object five lines up

How fucking retarded am I?! I mean, I've been debugging this for a WHOLE FUCKING HOUR.

Let's just blame it on the alcohol 😅

To those of us that are alone tonight, remember that alcohol is a solution.

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...

What follows isn't dev related and began as a comment on one of @AlexDeLarge's rants, and quicly became a full fleged story deserving it's own rant.

Oh God, drunk people are the worst and my gf is awesome.

I live with her in a street that never sleeps. Hardly anybody lives there, actually. That's just bars and night clubs, so during evening and at night, it's very crowded and noisy (luckily we have good noise insulation).
When we get back home late, there is always people standing in front of our door, looking at you like you just shat on their already puke and urine covered feet, just because you try to make them move to use your key.
Then I make sure my lady goes first, so I can check that nobody tries to go inside after me. The boys and girls standing there, watch us then, astonished, like you're some kind of homophobic gay or antisemitic jew, then ask, with a half smile and their eyes blank from any intelligence : "Isn't it hard living here?" (or, sometimes, "Hey dude, can I enter with you? Lol". Everytime I just refrain myself from answering "Yeah, the worst is people the like of you."
It happens exactly like this EVERY.FUCKING.TIME.

I'm not against getting drunk, I do myself sometimes (though that rarely on purpose). But please don't make me hate you for it.

One day we got back after a long party. My gf was merry and I was dead drunk because it bored me so I just drank glasses after another. I remember half of the night, and she told me the next day that I tried to buy a kebab with laundry and beer tickets (also a pants button), and really didn't see what was wrong in this. I can agree with drunk me here : you give a kebab, you get free beers and can go wash your clothes. Win-win!
Anyway, when we made it back to our front door, there was as usual people in front of it. Mainly manly man lesbians with some overweight problems. So she asks "Please could you move a little, we'd like to enter and my boyfriend here feels sick". A plain old 'no' was their answer. So from the top of my drunk wise, I declared "Go away or I'm puking over you, dumb bitches". They didn't like this. They began hitting us.
Everything is blurry from there, but I think some guys came to help them hit me, while they focused on my gf. I was mainly on the floor, taking hits after hits, waiting for them to stop because it was really annoying being punched in front of your door and pissed off that I was in no position to help her. Luckily for her, she can defend herself. The lesbians were just pulling her hair and scratching, so she gave them a few good hits in the belly and they let her go enough time to grab me in the middle of the boys (a friend of us helped her grab me as well, though he managed to stay out of the fight). When I took my key in my pockets, they stopped because they thought it was a Swiss knife (because my keys are arranged like one to take less space). I just went like "Guys, you dumb fucks, that's a key. A keeeeeey", before proceeding to put the wrong one in the lock and breaking it inside.
I don't know how, but the gf, with her long nails, managed to get it out in no time and used the right key afterwards. We were home and alive.
I was really proud of her that day, but also a bit ashamed to have just been a victim and a dead weight. To this day I never drink more than a beer or two during parties, in case I'd have to fight or run on the way back. Also, when she gets out to party with friends, she always phones me to fetch her when she's done, because there are cases of harassment and sometimes rape when a girl is alone late in these streets.

I really don't like a lot of people, but these braindead stupid fucktard make things really, really worse. One day there will be some bomb dropping from my window and these waste of carbon atoms and ethanol molecules won't understand anything that happens to them.

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.

I'm a bad influence.

It's been a tradition for me to keep a bottle of 'desk whiskey' buried in a drawer at work. A couple weeks ago, I started inviting cube mates over for a drink on Fridays as five pm rolled around.

Soon one of them brought in a bottle of scotch. Then another.
Started observing the afternoon drink on days other than Friday, more folks got involved...

Now the CTO talks about "Whiskey O' Clock" daily.

🍺

I know this is not a dev joke, but I laughed so hard:

Father bought a lie detector that makes "beep" whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home this afternoon.

Father ask him:
"So, you where at school today, right ?"
Son:"Yeah"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"OK, OK, I was in a cinema"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:"What ?! At your age I would never touch alcohol!"
Detector: "Beep."
Mother laughs:"Ha ha ha, he really is your son!"
Detector: "Beep."

All of the things broke today. I'm currently numb as I'm experiencing every emotion possible. I need alcohol and a beach. And no human interaction.

TL;DR Alcohol makes you super smart

Proof:If alcohol decreases intelligence, and INT is short of intelligence, then drinking too much leads to INT -2,147,483,648 eventually, right? So after that one more shot and BOOM: INT=2,147,483,647

You know those alcohol breathalyzers they put on cars when you drunk drive?

Putting those on our VCS server.

Me to my family :
Family: so this printer not working
Me: have you installed its software
Family: no, can you do it?
Me: i could travel 1 hour or you can just google and download it, its really quite simp--
Family: yeah this is to complicated for me il need you to come over

Q: What could make it better?
A: A cold alcohol-free beer.

devRant and alcohol

Had a tinder "date" last night. Shit was just awkward the entire time. She lives right over a state border, and I live right on the other side, so it was maybe a 10 minute drive. Plus she had a bunny, so that was pretty cool.

She said she wasn't interested in a hookup or anything, which I was fine with, sex isn't everything. We saw the bunny for a bit, then she started talking about her abusive ex boyfriend she was with for like 2 years (she did not shut the fuck up about it).

She lives in a fairly sketchy place too, so that didn't help the situation. At one point, a car drives by and shined a flashlight through the window I was sitting by. The flashlight was turned off right after that. Then she continued talking about her ex boyfriend.

I held through for 3 hours of that shit. It was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life. Eventually she said her friend texted her about having boyfriend issues and invited herself over to stay the night there, so she basically said "you might as well go, I don't think you want to deal with a crying 16 year old"

So I went to my car and left. I drove as fast as I could back to my apartment. Then I was telling my roommate about it, and he was like "I think you need some alcohol after that shit", so I took a couple shots of vodka.

Shit was fucking weird guys.

Top Tip: Formatting your brain with alcohol regularly helps you clear out unused information.

My first try at greentext.
>Be me
>18y.o recently recruted to a university
>1 month before moving to the university
>Be alone with his computer && electronics hobbys
>My town sucks
>Go on first year student integration camp
>Yay im going to meet a lot of people like me!
>Camp near the lake, 100km from home
>Day 1/7
>Moved my stuff to a house
>I dont know anybody
>Meet 3 friends who are going to live with me
>One of them is great, i like him, he likes to code, uses mac and iphone (it suffices for his needs, he understand everybody else who thinks otherwise)
>Two of them are pro party guys / alcohol vaccums
>Fucking pricks with their boombox
>99% of students are just there to drink a FUCKING LOT
>WTF.jpg
>Day 5/7
>I had been drunk only once at the camp and i havent drunk since because of AlcoholAfterEffects®
>Have a sad moment due to me wasting my time and money here.
>Totaly wasted my time... and found nobody like me
>After that day i meet 2 programers
>I have taught them OOP
>Had a great time
>Night game!
>Bizarre student party rituals
>Use my torch i made literary 8h before the camp had started
>Torch is made from pvc pipe, 9v battery, chinesium buck converter, old led module, switch
>Find the guy with the HUGE TORCH
>Wow. Is it the 100W homemade floodlight?
>Conversation about our constructions
>Both sides were looking for a friend with similar hobbies
>Exchange the contacts
>Hopefuly meet thogether and make few projects in the future
>Present time
>Got 3 friends in one day
>But still dosent understand the huge amount of alcohol nearly everyone is drinking

hmm let's see
>atheist propaganda during lunch time
>fascist propaganda during lunch time
>praising the rival of the football team boss supports
>suggesting we should drink alcohol in work hours
>teaching minecraft to boss' son
>talking bad about star wars VII even though boss liked it

Windows 10 'App Store' Stole My Money.

So I work a 40 hour work week, sometimes more, same as anyone, on my feet, all day.

I get home, buy a little $3.99 app. Won't install. Check it again won't install. I check some guides. Follow all the standard commands, my purchase won't install. Use the tools. won't install.

Naturally I sent off what I'm good at, some hate filled invective

For fucks sake. I'm exhausted, have insomnia and want to wind down. And here microsoft is killing 32bit libraries to dispose of competing services like steam (also fuck gabe in his fat asshole) but I digress.

And they expect us to use their services? Spend our hard earned *fucking money*..and spend half an hour on their dumpster fire fucking 'walled garden' with nothing to fucking show for it?

No refund button. No chat option. Just a fucking feedback hub. Look at it some time. JUST LOOK AT IT. The motherfucking *feedback* hub *frozeup* in the process of my feedback. Microsoft is a sewer of negligent business practices and incompetence.

So I've chosen now to aim two heavy ion cannons at them and warned them too. Two twitter accounts, one with almost 10k followers and another with 15k.

Should have just offered a manual download button microsoft.

My money would have been better spent on alcohol. Cheap alcohol. It's not like it's a lot of money and I don't buy a lot online, but it's the principle. You're fucking *payment* process worked *just fucking fine*.

Anyway can anyone calculate the monetary damage a cumulative quarter million views over the course of a month will do to the reputation of the windows store in dollar amounts?

I'm betting it's going to be a lot fucking more than three fucking ninety nine.

Don't worry microsoft, I'm gonna take it out of your sweet fucking hide.

I don't really drink alcohol, but every time I look at my (old) code, it looks like I was drunk when writing it.

!dev
!!vodka!
!batch files. because they're stupid.

Preface: I may be drunk. If not, I'll keep trying ~

Update: no, i'm already kinda wasted.

I told @AlexDeLarge that I would try Reyka today and let him know how it is. So, let's have at it!

At the recommendation of a friend, I tried Deep Eddy (vodka) a few weeks ago. It's extremely smooth and very good. Totally recommend. I can drink it straight, or with a tiny bit of water.

The same friend also recommended Reyka, which I bought earlier today (among quite a few other things, because alcohol). Here's what I discovered:

With Reyka, I was expecting something extremely smooth and almost tasteless, but tasteless it is not. Reyka tastes halfway between vodka and a good gin, like Bombay Sapphire. It actually has a *lot* of flavor, but the vodka itself is actually pretty high quality. I haven't found anything to mix with it yet, and I don't really like it straight. I might try lemon or lemonade next.

If I was to recommend vodkas, it would be either Tito's, or Deep Eddy. (Reyka is kind of strange, so I don't know if I can recommend it yet.)

Tito's is smooth and tasty -- absolutely not a gross vodka flavor, but ... nice. All alcohols have different effects and make me feel different. Grey Goose makes me tired, Tito's makes me happy.

Deep Eddy is incredibly smooth, and has almost no taste at all. It's wonderful.

UPdte: I took awhilfe to wrte this and... I'm getting a little tooo drunkt o conitinue so i thnkg oin going to nd this rannt here. ssorry! ^^

there are more kinds of programmers :
the ones that drink coffee
the ones that drink alcohol
and there's me eating sunflower seeds

This Chinesium power supply looks disgusting 😷 I have no idea what shit this manufacturer put their hands into when they built this piece of garbage (that nonetheless works without blowing up, go figure) but it's all sticky 😐 I want to clean it up before putting it into a new enclosure, but I don't have an ultrasonic cleaner and don't really feel like desoldering all the components and giving it a washing. Are there any other cleaning options that are inexpensive and don't damage the components or the solder joints? Pure alcohol perhaps?

!dev

TLDR; younger brother is an unreliable fuck. Learning to be a pathetic trickster. Penny teller cheap ass jester.

Hello folks. Time for a little family story.

This started around mid June.
I was a little tight on money the past few months. I had a broken laptop, that my brother wanted to buy. So I told him that he can have it for 100 bucks. It was a 1k gaming laptop 2 years ago, (i7, gtx 960m, 16gb ddr4). But I didn't know how much it would cost to repair. So I was happy with the price and so was him.

He told me he would pay by the end of June.

Hi didn't pay. He repaired the laptop for free by asking his boss, that used to be my friend (I'll probably tell you guys about that in another rant, best friend, got in a fight, stopped talking, next day my brother asked him for a job).

A month later, mid July, I told him I needed the money.

He literally said:

"I don't care for what you need. I'll pay you when I think it is a relevant expense, now I have money only for buying tools and investing in my career".

He was buying 15 usd pens (not only 1), because he wants to have expensive crap.

That was a bit disgusting, but not shocking. (I'm used to his little brat attitude, he's 26 btw).

I thought to myself. Ok, you want to be a bitch?. Then pay more.

I told him that he appreciated a good that wasn't his and that he should either pay now or agree to a new price. He didn't like that idea, but eventually we agreed to make it 300usd.

And one of the clauses was.

"I shouldn't ask him to pay." 🙄

He would pay when he could. (entitled brat attitude again). Ok. Fine.

It's been a month from that. He teased that he would pay 3 weeks ago. And he didn't. I asked him how was the "not asking for payment clause", because he did the teasing and I wanted to know if that kind of shitty mind games was part of the deal.

So that's the background story for the laptop.

Now time for a dinner story.

We share dinner once or twice a week. And when any one is short in money we keep a tally on who's been paying.

When I have money I just let the tally go in my favor, an buy him dinner whenever he says his short on money.

Note: Here, fries and soda are not part of the price, so the one that is short on money pays the fries and soda.

Today it was not one of those days. (Dinner here is about 15 USD for 2, with fries, and soda, nothing fancy, nor healthy, but an exuse to hang out with my only brother that would not eat a salad even if it was free).

I owed him 10 bucks, and he owed me 1 dinner. I asked him if he's buying dinner today. He said that the tally is even because last meal I didn't pay the chips. 🧐. (That was settled because I didn't pay once, but made up for it later)

Again with his entitled ass shitty attitude.

I just said. I don't want to hear your excuses. Here's your money. I want my laptop tomorrow, I'll sell first thing Monday. And tell me how much did you spend on repairs and parts and I'll pay you.

And now I'm sad. 🙃

Mainly, because is just so fucking boring to deal with a person that counts every penny. I fed him for 10 year while he was having problems, (alcohol and depression), And now he comes with this shitty ass counting pennies attitude, wtf?

I literally felt poorer just by counting the cents that made part of this story. (Really, who the fucks keeps track of chips and soda??? What are we 15yo??)))

It's one thing to be trapped in a 3rd world country where everyone is trying to fuck you. You learn to deal with that shit. And it's ok.

But seeing that your little brother is learning the same cheap trickery is just sad. The same cheap approach to life. The same easy and pathetic mind games is just fucking sad.

I don't even mind the money anymore. I was short on cash 2 months ago, I'm gladly better now. But finding out that he's becoming a little scammer is a bummer.

I just needed to vent. I think I should stop enabling him. And maybe keep some distance, it is fucking depressing to be counting cents to settle an argument. By dealing with that fucktard I end up counting cents just to figure out who's right.

My life could get worse, but it's really shitty now.

Suffering from a serious back injury since last year, my health has been not so positieve lately.
It put a toll on my mood, which in turn asked it's price regarding my relationship. Needless to say that did not go well. Already a fe months single but we kept in touch.

Three days ago my back injury returned, and was unable to lead a normal life. Constant pain, coyld not even move in the house. Even going to the toilet was a terrible experience because when you move, you're in a world of pain.

I asked my ex girlfriend to help me, since she was the only one having a key to my house.

When she arrived i hoped to have some moral support and to help me mive around, ensuring i would not injure myself any more.

Instead i received the cold shoulder. When she wanted to help pe up she did it a bit too hard and the pain sheered thrpughout my body. Screaming in pain.

She promptly left, leaving keys behind.

The hardest part is that she just left without me being able to explain clearly why i screamed. She thought i was yelling at her while in reality i was yelling due to the immense pain.

After that i had to cut ties forever. Tabula rasa. So i removed everything that is related to that time and locked it in my vault.

Since then i can hardly focus, my mibd is numb and i cannot think straight. The alcohol and other sedatives are probably also involved, but still i feel my life is a mountain of depressing shit.

Needed to vent. And yes i post this because i have a need for some understanding, yes for now i crave for some attention and some encouraging, supportive words. I'm left With no other options since the person i wanted it from the most has simply left... And the fact i am unable to actually be social outside...

Fuck friends and relationships, right?

Multiple things.

- Music. Especially the most destructive/brutal/aggressive rawstyle tracks. Currently Nolz ft Killshot - Rauwdouwer gives me a mega boost.
Also the Rawstyle Nation YouTube channel is one of my favourite places.

- reminding myself how far I've gotten and how much I actually known already.

- Alcohol. Yeah kinda a joke but damn can it put aside my doubts!

Coffee and music. Lots of both. Swap coffee for alcohol in the evening.

Best: I got my first dev job and found the perfect woman!

Worst: That same job has basically killed me. It's taken finding DevRant, copious amounts of alcohol and stress to keep me going.

Honestly, it's been a relatively shitty year. I suffer from depression anyway and fucking damn it's been a nightmare.

All I want to do is learn and build.

Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.

But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.

Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.

Nope nope nope nope and more nope.

Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.

some senior dev told me about 8 or 9 years ago that i'm going to be a good developer or an alcohol addict in the future. guess what... #teambeer ;)

This rant affects me indirectly.
It was our diploma project, me, and DrugKidProgrammer.

He was lazy, late, and all the shit that comes with and used to party hard on weekend.

I told him that while on vacation he’d better fucking manage to get the backend done, or at least ready to debug.

Guess what?

Guy was on alcohol and probably on lsd for most period of vacation and he managed to write the PHP files... with Javascript syntax.

Well, actually it was mixed.

When he came back he gave me the files he worked on (no version control at the time), and nothing was working, 500 errors everywhere. When I opened the files I found out String concaténations using ‘+’ and shit like this.

I spend 1 and a half day correcting this shit.

Fuck you mate.

I just found out at my company it is policy to perform random drug and alcohol testing of all employees. I guess this makes some sense for other parts of the business where people use heavy machinery, etc. but they also test office workers.

I don't take drugs and I never drink during the day but I don't want to be tested. I am a professional person and I am trusted with development of our software and valuable internal and client databases so why cant they trust me with this? There are many developers who produce poor quality work even without any drugs, etc. Surely the quality of my work is enough.

Apparently here in Australia if I am asked to take a piss test and refuse they have the right to sack me. If they ask me I think I might resign.

!Tech
How do i explain my friends that if a bottle of whiskey contains 40% alcohol and when i pour some in a glass. The glass will also have 40% alcohol.

I really, really, fucking god damn it REALLY need to move a legacy project from the grave yard server and get it in git, and then build a dev environment for it, so I can stop making incredibly volatile changes direct to PROD (backend, frontend and DB all at once and then test it while it’s live and being used, but fuck me if I can be bothered digging through a 10GB code base and attempting to make it work in a multi-environment setup when it’s going to be a long trip down the error logs until it works again 😱🔫

I did a stream last night with 4 other devs/ sysops. The theme were ranting and alcohol, lasted for almost 8 hours.
When I woke up this afternoon, I regret it all, but totally doing it next month too

So here's my setup.
Minimalist and clean, the only environment I can work in.

My laptop spends way more time at home now-a-days since I bought the iPad Pro 12.9 2017... It's just so practical to take to lectures.

As for my desktop... well my keyboard definitely needs an upgrade... Any suggestions on a good keyboard?

My alcohol shrine, keeps me sane 😂😍. Let's see your setups.

Halloween is coming so i made this constructed unicorn mask with a paper mache base with elwire. Does it require any coding skills nope, but i bet people are goin to be suprised that i know how to build wireframes and papermache !

Alcohol - passively ruining people close to me. Best legal drug, 10/10

Alcohol. 🤔

Read the following in Morgan Freeman’s voice.

Okay everyone sit on down and get ready for story time. There once was a workspace that was a pain in the ass to setup. It often would take an entire day even for the most experienced devs on the team...for it was a workspace perched atop a swamp of shit that would require a whole year to refactor into something that isn’t shit.

It was inherited, passed down, stepped in and scrapped from the boot soles of every programmer that ever touched it. It was an amalgam of old, new, and third party components with a class path a mile long and no package management because the company although physically in the present, somehow maintained a temporal presence in the past. And there was nothing that the team hated more than setting that workspace. In short it was an unholy mess that made Satan cry and Dennis Ritchie spin in his grave so much that the state of California attached magnets and a coil to his body and casket to generate electricity.

Then one day the untalented clowns known as App Group decided that our IDE should be owned and configured strictly through them. They took poor Eclipse and mounted so much silly shit to it that it resembled a riding lawn mower with a fax machine and a blender duct taped to it. Eventually as everything the company touched did, it simply turned into a broken, shitty mess that not even Jesus Titty Fucking Christ could bring back the dead.

And then, every month or so the IDE would break in such a grand way that every developer had to rebuild their workspace...the very same Lovecraftian monster disguised as a code base. It was just too much to bear for old Deus. He was all out of fucks and there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to quiet his injured soul. So he stood on a chair, carved his name in a rafter and tied a noose to it, put it around his neck and finally kicked the chair out from under himself. I am told he even pooped his pants and the post mortem shit in the seat of his pants was still better than the codebase at work. I’m Morgan Freeman.

I'm gonna cheat a little since i don't like alcohol 😁

School projet, designer sends me final design less than 24 hours before the deadline, i coded all night long. 17 hot chocolate bowl. I never got the luck to be in the same flow than that night. Each hot chocolate made me stronger, lines of code were running, CSS was perfectly good first try.

Once code was submitted, i slept for like 14 hours. I woke up hugging my pillow.

I'm pretty sure i was drunk with hot chocolate.

Protip: This can happen even if the socket is locked, apparently.

One of those days...

TLDR: Read the post.

Bare with me here, I am new to all of this jazz. But I wanted to tell a story.

I have been a programmer for a while now, working on various projects with various companies, doing various things. I know that sounds vague, but it's the truth.

I never work on the same thing, ever, I never work with any fancy IDE, because I don't need one. I personally believe no developer works with the massive huge code base all at once, but instead works on it in pieces. That's a story for another day.

I have seen the shittiest of the shittiest and some how survived, I have been beaten down by code bases that were out sourced yet some how managed to stand up and gain my baring and fight back. I have dealt with clients, bosses and idiots from A-Z. Watching them all scramble around for their pennies like greedy rich white men seeking more pennies to swim in.

Some how I survived all this. I started working from home almost 3 years ago, the freedom is exhilarating. The ability to fuck off for most of the day and work at night, or work all morning and fuck off. There's nothing better.

As you work from home you think, this will be amazing. Until the crippling loneliness takes over and even the 6th bottle of beer doesn't quench the thirst of human contact. The pain of being trapped in the four white walls of your office makes that bottle of tequila, to numb out the emptiness inside look more satisfying.

At some point, you crawl out of your space to find people to interact with, refusing to be beaten down by both shit code and loneliness only to find all your friends, family and significant others are working, in offices, where they cant just fuck off for a day with you. The silence of the house, the office, the what ever becomes deafening.

its crawling all over you like bugs that pick away at your mind, breaking you, hating you. So you decide that a coffee shop is the best place, only to sit there and people watch or check Facebook or what ever else people do at coffee shops that isn't actually work.

The point in all of this, is that working from home is both a positive and a negative. It has destroyed me, created a workaholic and, probably, an alcoholic. There isnt a day I dont wish that I could sleep away the deafening silence of the world around me as every one busies off to the office.

One might think: get an office job, but I have become accustomed to my misery, pain and suffering of working from home, isolated and medicated by vaping and alcohol. the freedom, from what I have found, is worth more then the sacrifice of it - to work around people I slowly begin to hate, people that make me want to overdose on anything rather then see their smug faces and be beaten down by their idiotic words, code bases and money grubbing hands...

I guess I'll get back to work now, in my house, with my cats, my vape and my beer. Here's to freedom and the sacrifices that go along with it.

I'm wondering - do developers have similar hobbies outside of IT?

For example, my main hobbies are:
- Brewing Beer
- Distilling Spirits
- Drinking copius amounts of alcohol to numb the pain of being a developer
- Gardening / Horticulture
- Martial Arts

In case of reading other people's code:

Most normal people will now be heading home before enjoying their weekend with alcohol and hopefully friends and family.

However I can get pissed on 2 bottles of cider. Friends are busy tonight and family is elsewhere.

So tonight will be spent on designing a side project drunk and tomorrow will be spent repeatedly saying "what the fuck" while reviewing it. Either something good or something terrible will happen. Wish me luck.

I have this project I've inherited, yea I seem to do that a lot, but this damn thing, has to run in php5.4, has deprecated functions for php7 everywhere and a lot of them and there's no classes anywhere beyond some libraries.

Everything is procedural with random scripts being injected left right and center.

I kid you not,

$thisThing = true;
If(x==y)
require "path/to/some/script.php";
else
require "path/to/a/slightly/different/script.php";

If($thisThing === false){
// well it was modified in that small block about 10 different times
}

Those injected scripts then accept data from the parent scope so, looking at file X, you need to have open file A,B, E, and M to understand where variables have been initialised and what there current state could potentially be.

Basically this thing was bandaid after bandaid for feature requests with 0 refactoring.

Here I am trying to implement some basic functionality (should only take an hour or so + a bit of manual testing) but no, I'm literally at the point of hitting the delete button on the entire project and starting again.

Life Hack: don't use alcohol or chemicals, rub off glue residue easily with olive oil / baby oil

Works like a charm and also doesn't break cardboard videogame boxes/ book covers

Found an old laptop in the apartment I was staying in and wrote a shitty incremental game in HTML and JavaScript with no libraries because there was no interwebs. At least alcohol is mega cheap in eastern Europe.

Alright what's your alcoholic drink of choice?

If I had a dollar for every time my work PC froze today, I'd have already died from alcohol poisoning.

The story of how I got my dream job.

I was working for a company with a job I got just after graduating university. It was ok, not very exciting tech but I learned a lot by just surrounding myself with professional code monkeys. I was there for about a year when my company bought parts of another company and there was talk about people getting fired. This made me worried since I was the last one to get hired, so I started looking around for other jobs. I received this e-mail from a company saying they were looking for interns, what a coincidence! I adjusted my CV and sent it in.

--A few weeks pass--

It's Friday and I'm at a dinner party, it's 10pm and someone is calling me. I pick up and it's a recruiter from this company. I get very nervous but the alcohol helps me keep my cool, I pass the initial idiot test and they invite me for an interview. Yay!

I go to work on Monday and in a 1-on-1 and I tell my boss about the upcoming interview, he gives me a high-five :)

The interview is approaching and I'm feeling that I'm about to get sick, I refuse to believe this so I start taking a lot of medicine (painkillers, cough medicine etc.). I feel a bit better and thank the gods for medication.

--D-day--

I wake up, put on my nicest clothes and get on the train. I had one hour to spare just in case, which was well needed because the fucking train is late by 30 minutes. I'm still heavily medicated because of my ongoing fever. When I arrive I basically have to run there and somehow I manage to pick up a coffee on the way there which I devour in two seconds. I'm ready for the interview!

Some guy meets me in reception and the first thing he says is "My colleague doesn't speak our language so we'll have to speak english". This is fine, I speak good english but I was not prepared for this so it caught me off-guard and made me even more nervous. We get in and start talking. Things are going OK despite my numbed brain. I try to make eye-contact to make a good impression with the foreign engineer but he keeps staring somewhere which is making me nervous.

We get to the technical part on a whiteboard and this is where my brain decides to stop communicating. I'm presented a simple task which I'm struggling with finishing, and I feel the embarrassment coming over me. "NOOOOO THIS IS MY DREAM JOB, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" I'm thinking to myself. After making myself look like a complete arsehole for some time we wrap it up and just before I step out the door I say to the engineer "You should checkout my Github page, I have lots of interesting stuff there" and he says "I'll be sure to do that" but I don't believe him.

I leave the office in fury (of myself) and make my way to the train station and even though it's the middle of the day I quickly devour two beers to calm my nerves and make me feel a bit better. I was so damn disappointed in myself, I wasted the opportunity of a lifetime! I go back home to my regular (now shitty) job.

--Two days later--

I get a call from an unknown number. I pick up the phone and it's the same recruiter guy. "So how did you think it went?" he says. "To be honest, I think it went really bad", I replied. "What? Really? Because they loved you, you got the job". (this was an obvious recruiter lie) "... wat, are you sure you called the correct person?" I said and he just laughed. The day after I quit my old job the whole department gets fired - such impeccable timing.

--A few months later--

I finish my internship and they want to keep me. I'm so happy. The engineer that was in the interview works on my team. I ask him "Why did you hire me? You know as well as I do that my interview was horrible". It turns out he _did_ look at my Github profile and that's how he knew I could write code. I also heard later that for my position there was about 2000 applicants and somehow I made the interviews.

I still work there today and I couldn't be happier (Sorry for the long text).

*Today*
Me: coding is fun , la la la, nothing can go wrong~~ ♡
*moment later*
Me: ahhhhh my back!! Why was i sitting in that terrible unergonimic position

Moral of the story , practice good seating posture and you wont get muscle knots! ;-;

Wonder what will be alcohol for Artificial Intelligence if it ever became conscious like us

Alcohol is always a solution. Literally speaking.

Alcohol is somewhat only a socialising drug for me - so I never coded when drunk.

Is it an experience worth making?

Alcohol

Finally drinking again 😌

Ah, it just feels too good. Who needs friends anyway 💖

Sitting at traffic lights on my way home from work thinking about the programming behind how often the windscreen wipers are triggered, how to store the values of each wiper setting in a meaningful data type, and how to handle the event of changing wiper settings eg. to ensure the wipers aren't triggered immediately when increasing the frequency.

Wish my mind could rest when I'm outwith work but I experience this sort of thing worse after drinking alcohol. Must have a problem.

I have found the solution to my general distaste for frontend work:

Bourbon

You see, i generally dislike working on the frontend. Mostly due to it being what I do every week at work. But during my xmas break I decided to look more into some advanced css to get shit done in more effective and better architectured ways.

SCSS makes it somewhat better. But what really makes it awesome is the bourbon.

Yay for alcohol.

In my defense, I barely ever drink. A couple of glasses before a coding session serve me pretty good.

Working on removing stickers on my Alienware with anti-bacterial wipe, alcohol, cooking oil and coffee filter 😼

!Devrelated

Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC

I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .

I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .

Fortnite I mean.

Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!

Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.

A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.

My fellow nerdy ranters what's the best way to take care of social anxiety completely, am contemplating alcohol

Shower thoughts:

Golf may be the perfect Dev sport.

Arguments for:

- Takes a relative degree of either skill or patience, usually both
- most people suck at it
- you need to practice
- alcohol
- haters gon hate

Arguments against:

- Takes a relative degree of either skill or patience, usually both
- most people suck at it
- you need to practice
- alcohol
- haters gon hate
- you have to be outside

Also applies to musicianship, I guess.

Boss: pst pst training is paid for if you want to skill up
Me: !!!

When do you know you are a real dev?

When there is a sales of alcohol for half of price in near by shop and you stay at work to solve a bug.

Just happened to me today.

Alcohol. A lot of alcohol.

Recently did a food intolerance IgG test and turns out I am dairy intolerant. Fcking dairy intolerance might have been the reason for all that fatigue and massive migraines which I had for the past few years. Cutting out all of it and hopefully that will improve my health in the next few weeks. Previously I tried lots of other shit (changing habits, leaving stressful work environment, fixing sleep patterns, cutting caffeine smoking alcohol you name it) and turned to this test as a last resort.

Was on a trip, a holiday of sorts but there was a conference. Turns out alcohol and no sleep turns me into not only a master of code but negotiations as well. Woke up to find all of my work (that I had been procrastinating for about a week) was all done, my contract was extended and I got accept for a higher hourly rate.

ps: I had to redo most of it. Drunk me is not someone you wanna pair program with.

At the beginning of programming the languages were complex and you had to think like a machine to do what you had in mind. Now code is art, it's like a poem. That's why some people (including me) when drink a beer or a cup of wine do better code.

Cheers, devs!

Just realized that I reopened devRant like 10 times in the past minute. I need more alcohol... 😂

!rant

The perks of working in a medium large company with ~35 employees

Today there's a concert for Stargate, Alan Walker and Ne-Yo. Where we've made the video effects for Stargate.

Now we're having a summer party with our biggest clients, free alcohol and food. Later we're walking to the concert where we and our clients got free tickets.

Internal memo this morning, showing up tomorrow is not mandatory

Alcohol and Sleep.
Mastrubate and Sleep.
Eat and Sleep.
devRant and Sleep.

404 - Alcohol not found

Evening of wrestling, death metal and alcohol. Didn't think about development or work not even once. Evening of relaxing.

!Dev

Sitting in a bus on 19 hour ride with my class to England a few things to rant about came to my mind:

Why the fuck do you have to blast shitty german rap music out of your fucking JBL boxes and why do you have to turn up the volume so much that I can still hear it although I am wearing headphones, listening to music and sitting 5 fucking rows in front of you.

Also why the fuck do clocks in buses never display the right time? How hard can it be to make the clock display the right fucking time?

Another thing: why does this bus which is especially made for long rides not have a fucking trash can?! Seriously wtf?

Rants aside I am really looking forward to staying in England for a week although I won't have a computer for the next week :(

Another thing: why the fuck is the coffee you get at pull-ins so fucking disgusting ?
Like srsly, it is made by a machine and still tastes like thrown-up.

And why the fuck does everyone look weirdly at you when you buy a can of red bull but everything is fine when someone my age drinks 3+ liters of beer and then throws up? What the fuck? People look at me weirdly when I tell them that I don't drink any alcohol, heck I am actually not even allowed to do so because I am 15 and not 16 (beer is allowed in Germany if you are 16+ but nobody really cares about that). Heck where I am from they even encourage you to drink beer? What the fuck??!!

Anyway looking forward to England and also sorry about the long non-dev related rant. Just had to rant about some people and society.

P.S. do you know any (preferably free) Android apps / games where you have to code or just solve problems with logic?

if i work on PussyBranch to build up a feature, and DickBranch is my main branch so if i merge directly from Pussy into Dick and then work on Dick, and then switch to Pussy again then surely i wouldnt be able to commit to Dick because Pussy isn't filled up with the new code, right? I'd need to pull the latest code from Dick into Pussy branch. but what if i dont want to merge Dick into Pussy code? because what Dick contains, Pussy should not and that would cause anomaly and break uhh how do u call it, the purpose of the branch itself right. So if I want to work only on Pussy and commit just that segment of the new code into Dick, how do I do that? Do i have to force pushing Pussy code into Dick every time or can i do it without force command? serious answers only pls

also what alcohol is good for a more productive and longer hour coding sessions thx

Is alcohol an acceptable graduation gift to present at a strict Christian family gathering? 🤔 fuck it.

You can't keep doing this! You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!'
...
You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol or the drugs or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid, it's you! Alright? It's you. ...Fuck, man. What else is there to say?'

Today was:
30% setting u partitions for arch
20% fixing typos that caused some kernel panic
20% trying to find a good resource for Squid
20% Giving up and reading the docs
10% choosing alcohol

I just wanna work on my personal projects which give me a valid excuse to look at smuggy anime girls

alcohol will fix ALL bugs!!!

I don't know about alcohol , but this windows update crap is going to give me cancer one day 😠

- (Non-dev) stop taking drugs and so much alcohol
- Choose between open-source and proprietary techs
- Begin my own project : an educational web platform

I just had a nightmare I spilled my gin inside my computer. Might be putting that back under my desk... And not leaving drinks on my case with an open top...

Damn, help me guys. Tomorrow I'm invited to a "friends" party.
Don't want to go, but have to. I hate partys. I hate all this shit, alcohol, drunk people. Have to stay there for at least 6h, until 1am or so. I hate drinking alcohol, doing stupid alcohol drinking games.
And I don't like this friend. I don't have much contact with him in the last few months. I thought he would understand that I don't like him. But no - he never lets me alone. Don't want this.
Let me fucking code - I want to have my free time, let me alone. Don't need that friends. The school mates on my apprenticeship are good enough for me, they are friendly, thinking the same way and don't drink alcohol all the time.
I hate this. Damn. Hopefully I will survive this fucking party. Maybe I can browse devRant half time of the party.
Am I the only one who doesn't need all that shit? Partys, alcohol, social interaction all the time?

Every c# job i see is like must also know .net, my question is, how the hell do you avoid learning .net when studying c#!?!

Smashed the screen on my beloved LineageOS Moto G4 last night.
(Alcohol may be partly to blame.)
Any suggestions for a cheap Android phone with a stable release of LineageOS?

Everyone argues about the perfect date, so I searched and found it using complex machine learning, a lot of trial and error, and too much alcohol:

'#76ab%Y%Y@98:%M%D%h@()%m&%m%Y%D%Y€¥$¢%M%h+%s-%s%%'

Where:
- %Y stands for one number of the last year
- %M stands for one number of the following month
- %D stands for one number (09 are two numbers for example) of SQRT((CURRENT_DAY^7)/3)
- %h stands for one number of the hour next evening(12h system)
- %% stands for either 7 or 3, 7 means that the hour(%h) is a.m., 3 means that the hour is p.m.
- %m stands for the minute the next solar eclipse will happen
- %s stands for one number of the second you will hate yourself to have this system implemented.

How to use it im 3 simple steps:

1. Implement it using ???
2. ?????
3. Profit?

It's easier to rant when you down some goddamn beer. Try it!

OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S BOOTING! Yesterday I spilled liquid on my desktop computer stopping it immediately, and today after letting it dry and rubbing it with some isopropyl alcohol it starts up as if nothing ever happened! 😊

However, I didn't try the graphics card under heavy load yet, maybe it can get unstable as the spillage affected it's power circuit area.

Looking through a former developer's drive for their projects folder is kind of like a treasure hunt, only you don't get something good at the end of it usually.

Especially when there's a good reason they're a "former" developer.

Non-standard locations.
Behold, latest deployed code changes are uncommitted.

Alcohol, please save me.

First time having Baileys and it does not taste like 17% alcohol. But it tastes good enough to get drunk before learning for exams in the next weeks

I'm at work coding at 21:00 on a Friday cause money, no life ya know, but then it hit me. I could be at home on coding on a Friday night and still I would have no money and no life but o would have ALCOHOL! Ballmer peak here I come!

Ps I haven't drank in 6 days and I don't drink to excess (often). I just find it enjoyable

Some avatar around here just reminded me of the bazillion Europeans living the hipster life in India (I interned there).

context : In India fair skin is a very desired feature, every face washing product has "whitening" on it, god damn it even the shaving foam!
So they tend to treat white people very distinctively : free entry and alcohol in clubs, lots of money in media gigs and the like, strangers inviting you to their marriages just because you're white..
So some white folks would abuse this. And they develop some kind of clothing taste that's weird to say the least.
Maaan they must be trashier than the fucking original hipster God.
I just can't fathom their ways..

Sorry I had to lash out 🙄

The copious amounts of alcohol I can consume after spending 3.5 hours finding where the missing } should be. Not to mention the mini-fridge stocked up with cans/bottles of lager and a fresh, nice cold bottle of Jäger 👍😛

Enough alcohol to make the day bearable but not so much I forget how to write code

Social life is overrated, I can always get some with alcohol, blackjack and hookers.

Are there any fellow devranters who have shitty working memory and have trouble focusing? Basically people who have ADHD/ADD? I got into programming because I love solving problems and am able to hyperfocus for weeks on projects, but outside of work life seems to be a mess :/ Can't even remember simple facts if they don't interest me (don't have that much dopamine).

Could you share some advices on how you managed to treat ADHD/ADD or basically improve your memory?

I mean there is the obvious: sleep, exercise, good nutrition (cutting out dairy, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, smoking).

But maybe there are other ways to do this without using drugs such as ritalin/concerta?

sudo bar --in-file alcohol :)
(Bar on Sicily, Italy)

if being a developer was a dream to me, it was because I knew I would get to read formal and lengthy RFCs from the IETF.

Video games? Alcohol? Fucking? Ain't got shit on reading one of these things.

I went to my friend's party on Friday and I got back like at 3 am and code till 5 then I got a bug on a php script to upload pictures to the server. wake up at 10 am fixed the bug with a hangover of cheap alcohol and went to sleep the rest of the day.

Am I killing it or what?😂

This is like - drinking a glass of water after every beer, to cut the amount of consumed alcohol by half.

It is pretty much useless...

Music - usually Pink Floyd. Loud enough to overpower my thoughts.

Worked even better when I could go on a bike ride to clear my head, but my bike got stolen 🤬

Can someone tell me why the ios expo client has alcohol tobacco and drug use in it? I get it that devs are overworked but damn. Even this app??

How do you remove oily keys on keyboard?

What I’ve tried so far are rub it using a pencil eraser and clean it using cotton with alcohol.
Damn. I’m having a hard time to remove it.

Quit alcohol && dump your girlfriend

I find people that like to drink and talk, and drink and talk with them.

Question:

Do you appreciate office amenities enough that it makes you want to stay longer than a normal workday? Ping pong, foosball, megajenga, snacks, alcohol, etc.

My screens keep spinning away from me. Or is it the alcohol from last night?

Somehow I always feel like shit after a party. But not because of the alcohol. I'm not even drinking that much anymore. And it's not because of the party either. I mean it was fun, I got to talk for quite some time with long time friends, we all had a blast... For some reason I'm just sad. Actually not sad. I don't know how to describe it. Like I want to walk down the yellow lit streets of a city at night, alone with a beer in my hand. That sort of feeling. Being alone in an empty city just walking doing the streets. Maybe doing something stupid. I don't know 😔

just thought I'd share 😔

im 15 and i use gin 😎

#golangframeworks

Alcohol.

!dev
I was so tired of work last week and weather was so good I ended up in a bar.
People were so nice there so I got there second day in a row.
I met new nice people and cute female bartender who laughed from my jokes.
Was to drunk and tried so much to make her laugh that l forgot to get her number.
Got there next day asked bartender for her shifts, turned out it was last day of her work, she moved out from city for at least a year. So I got drunk again, and so on 5 days in a row.
Well that’s my life. Lucky me... again.
Karma is so funny I can’t laugh for some time anymore.

I'm always learning. That way it becomes funny to me. And also coffee. So fucking much coffee. Alcohol helps a lot too.

!dev
Some on here are very open about having addictions or using external things 'to keep going', be better or whatever else reason. I do too myself. (please don't get butthurt)

What do you think about weed & dev instead of - or even with - alcohol & dev?

BTW, I just noticed this (2 hours ago! I didn't know there are limits, which seems like a good idea..). I deem it obligatory to share. It's also the reason I'm asking 😁

Roll on the end of the week!

blah getting drunk again blah blah

What do you want me to say 😉

Shit, I lost the rant again. Well let's begin from the top.

This is little bit personal but I'm not keeping any of this as a secret. I'm a hyperactive thinker at nights (ADHD). I must write this down, although it's well over middle-night at this point.

I just discovered that I might be better writer whilst I'm sleepy, hungry, out of affection of the meds or all of the above.
And may I remind you that I'm not a native English speaker or writer.

* Saved to clipboard, so I won't lose this again *

I've written now 2 long rants, 8 issue reports (devRant) and a loong collab posting in this one sitting, or rather laying. It feels like I'm writing perfectly without missing a beat. I know that's not right, it's the main symptom in ADHD; My brain is actually running slower than an average, much slower. That's a reasonable explanation for the “fast” innovation.
I'm running without restrictions of a normal human, I don't "overthink" every single word and rather go with the flow. That's what spell checkers are for.

* Save *

You can probably see what's happening. It's certainly also true when writing code. I left out the normal cleaning up (except for the grammar, found 10 errors).

It's pretty much the same thing as I'd imagine being drunk or even high.

I must not be the only one.

* Writing tags... *
* Update error count *
* Recover one part from memory *

Holding wrap parties on your project the day before the deadline

I went back and looked at some code I wrote a couple years ago. It made me so sad... I well and truely did not understand a lot of core concept yet at the time, and I was stubborn and thought what I was writing was good and refused to start over or delete code.

This try block had 4 FileInputStream objects and I even have a defined branching statement which I never use.

Whoever marked this assignment probably needed a lot of alcohol.

Lately I had a motivation crisis, that made me almost quit (passing from programming in C# to Visual (*fucking*) Basic).

But I can't quite quit because of personal reasons, so during a break I went out and eat something sweet like an ice-cream (coffee flavour) to explicitly alter my dry low mood(like alcohol does for many... But strangely I'm immune) and started thinking from scratch, thought that I should stop complaining like a little bitch and instead focus on finishing the project at hand as soon as possible, so I can move on, hopefully, to better projects(most of the other projects in the company are in C#).

So apparently explicitly messing with my brain chemicals and resetting the though on the issue worked for me

Coworker: I SSH into my liver every now and again. It's mostly to make sure it's kept up and running because I've blocked all the other ports to it. Once my kidneys can' handle the alcohol and energy drinks I'll start enabling cookies on it to help filter out that traffic.

Weird conversations with my coworker

Disposable contacts have really helped me focus on coding rather than whipping face juice off my lenses.

But I really need to stop storing the isopropyl alcohol next to my eye drops.

This is a little shameful, but i dont tell people i do IT since it leads to a , "wow you must be really smart, i could never do computer science" discussion.

Alot easier to connect with people without a plethora of stereotypes attatched to your SEO of a name

Narrator(me): currently on keeping up with the clientele

Client: sooo-- go live in 2 days lol?

Me: im still waitin for finalised content from you and your designers

Client: oh , can you work the public holiday tomorrow , in anticipation for perhaps the of chance we will have sent xyz content

Me: hm tomorrows a public holiday.. but sure

Them: oh im in another timezone so its really 2 days - 12 hours

Narrator(me): thats when the boy realised not to let his guard down

!rant

I think I'm at the final stage of grief where I want to destroy the entire human population . Economy , money and other factors like alcohol ... we as humans don't deserve to live . Controlling population growth with addiction is just messed up .

Even though the alcohol killed my dad , he was a really good person who was under such amounts of pressure that no-one deserves . Actually strike that everyone deserves much more . A tenant who occupied our property just as we needed to sell it for cash problems . His father stole his inheritance left behind by his mother . And relatives who didn't give a shot about him until he makes a trip to the hospital . An economy that's responsible for all this .

I want to rewrite this disgraceful race .

I live mainly on green tea and grissini(bread sticks). Ironically I have a very weak alcohol tolerance but caffeine never seems to have any effect, so i just drink greent tea because it soothes my nerves and tastes awesome while eating low calorie snacks... Another irony is that I'm fat... You would think such a healthy sounding life style would lead to a fit body. Then why the fuck am I still fat god ?! Do you want me to cycle for 50 km everyday for christs sake ??!!!!

It's funny how alcohol actually makes you remember all the crazy shit you had to deal with.

As when I was a junior c# programmer at an ERP shop.

I was new, naive and full of energy.

I used to dive deep into the code base, and one of the things I noticed but didn't pay too much attention was.

Error stacks were usually meaningless.

And why was that?

First, well it was c#.

Second, the guys use to do this.

try {
ThrowingFunction();
} catch (Exception e ) {
throw e;
}

PS: I'm not doing c# anymore, that was 10 years ago. So syntax might be a bit off.

Having to work with my colleagues you doesn't believe on Dino's, satellites and big time believer in the flat earth (even hung up a map of it and stuff..) aaaaand.. him not understand a single proton-sized amount about IT but ignores my advice when he gets issues with his computer...

Ps. And yes, he has smelled alcohol as well, after a talk with the boss nothing has happened..

Pps.. FFS..NO not every thing is fake you stupid excuse of a human being with flattened peanut brain.. this is not the bloody Truman show (although good movie)

Ppps. Forgot the why.. why.. why?! Well.. isn't that the question with this guy.. (╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)

Drunk rant...

WTF Thunderbird, go home, you are drunk.
And this beautiful mail cannot be deleted tho lol.

Company shutting down has its perks : after going to the bar with colleagues, ended up doing an after party with HR in the office, drinking cherry flavoured vodka
Tomorrow morning is going to hit as hard as a fucking truck, poor me being the rabbit caught in the lights in the middle of the road..

I don't know what happened to me. I never had a problem not drinking when I didn't want to even though I drank quite a bit at times when I was still a teenager (Yes it annoys me greatly that I'm not considered a teenager anymore btw).

Not even a month in of being 20 and I feel like I have an alcohol addiction after going drinking a few times. What the hell

Colleague comes into the office and asks for help, I say of course, we can do it together.
The very moment when I got to see his keyboard I have regretted it. C'mon people clean your damn keyboards it is not okay even if "only" you use it. I was using 90% alcohol to sterilise my hands afterwards and I still don't feel 100% clean

tfw your family sends you to alcohol rehabilitation because you had 3000 searches about Wine in your history

Depends on what a tough dev day is. If it was just a tough day usually playing ice hockey helps. If it was a stressful day, board games with my daughter, provided it's not a Wednesday (her Mom's night). If it's a tough problem or bug I'm working on then alcohol, running or lifting, sex, general distractions will do the trick

!rant

I need opinions: Amazon Fire Stick or Google Chromecast?

I want Hulu, Netflix, Crunchy Roll, Amazon Prime TV, and WWE Network.

I welcome all opinions. Remote strength, price, ease of use, and stability are my main concerns.

I also might jail break it and/or try to develop apps for it.

Sorry if a repost but this is a random thought from an alcohol addled mind.

I would use a laptop on every tv, but cost vs benefit says no.

TLDR: Read the post.

Part of me watches the day fly by as I work through the various stories and issues my company has as we walk through the various phases and clean up of their own stupidity of outsourcing. I guess it would be unfair to say “stupidity” It was really a money thing. Excuses aside, the alcohol today tastes amazing as I work through the issues, nothing is ever the same, nothing is ever redundant or boring. There are times where you want to pull your hair out, jump off a building and question why the hell any one would write code, specifically Laravel this way.

I watch the internet from now and then and see the cry babies whine and complain about GitHub and Microsoft jumping into bed and their favourite, and mine too, editor falling into Microsoft’s hands.

It’s disgusting and completely childish, but I digress. The last time I was here the alcoholism and the loneliness had begun pushing me towards the Nicotine and suicide. I have managed to obviously push through and watch the money come in only for adult life to take it away, I guess that’s life. Complaining about it will do nothing other then show others how much control you lack in your own life. You quiet your complaints and bury them deep inside your mind where they fester and stir and become drowned in alcohol.

Dating is even harder, especially when you work from home, so much so that I have completely given up there, any semblance of social life is buried in Final Fantasy 14 online, where pixels and text other people write have become my friend, at least for a moment or two before the work takes over and I sit in a room blaring music and watching the code I write, appear on screen like some savant who has high functioning autism but can create amazing works of art. I don’t think I am autistic though.

The truth is I don’t mind my job, I love the money and the freedom as I stated before.

Code for me is like a seed of anger that starts deep in my core, festering, eating away at me, killing me slowly and branding me a fool. The problem is the best feeling, when there is a problem I can solve it with code, when there is a problem that cannot be solved by code I take solace in the problems that can be. I don’t like people, I hate offices and I despise dealing with my own personal issues, I would rather drink and vape until the nicotine and the alcohol has made me sufficiently numb.

Code is a place I can escape, a place I have control, a place where I don’t feel like blowing my brains out at the stupidity of other people. Have I mentioned that I hate people?

The internet is full of idiots, people ranting and raving about this and that and how it affects them oh so much, when they don’t even let their own code, there own programming problems, and in most cases shitty solutions, affect them. Look at this GitHub thing, the idiots are running around with their heads cut off, waiting for the world to end or in most cases acting like it has. Companies get bought, bill get paid, people leave each other – Shut the fuck up and deal with it.
I guess if you look back at what I have written you could say the same thing to me, boo-fucking-hoo working from home sucks sometimes, grow up and deal with it like an adult. Fair enough, I’ll take my lumps. Excuse me as I continue to drink this post away and watch the downvotes come in. I guess honesty comes with a double edge sword.

And yes I would rather use alcohol as a solution then deal with the issues.

Mindgames and exercise, sometimes alcohol

I have been on a rollercoaster journey this year, long short quit my job, lounged around in emotionally recovery mode for a few months, went back to uni to study and recently i went and did some good ol networking and the results were pretty successful and ahhh life is moving to fast and im startin to feel invested in uni, but also money and greed is consuming me guuhhh doing both doesnt feel like a option haha

What kind of cocktail does a developer buy at the bar?

A mockito.

Algo at its best

It's always weird drinking, then eating, suddently being not drunk and getting drunk again

It's just that there's never enough alcohol

Ballmer's peak is the only reason I need for whiskey while late night programming

Thanks devRant team! I drink to make the pain go away

1. I want to know how many JS frameworks will the world have

2. Will I stop drinking alcohol one day?

3. Will programmers create robots to conquer a new world?

Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate and Caffeine and Alcohol

We are switching our frontend templating language from dust.js to twig.js... Today I converted 1600 lines of dust to twig.
Do you know the feeling, when you're so hungover that if you see just a single drop of alcohol you have to throw up? I feel the same way about dust right now.

Just now I found out I have only 30 ml scotch at home for the night. FML.
"Tonight I don't have even that much of alcohol as I used to throw away in the washbasin"