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To the MSI genius that decided to put the < and } keys in two completely random and non-standard positions: 🖕🖕🖕🖕
19 -
Not a specifically dev related story, but absolutely rant worthy.
Today I was working from home, and my wife called me to tell me that some awful person had thrown a young cat into the dumpster at her work.
To that person - you are a scumbag. You’re lucky no one left you alone in a hot car as a kid, let alone a dumpster. Seriously, why? Why is it so hard to take it to a shelter?
Anyway - I went and bought a whole bunch of cat stuff - I grew up with cats but I’ve never had one on my own. We’re at the vet now. I think we’ll name her Curry (after Haskell Curry, and lovely spicy dishes).
22 -
Life story of every Dev in nutshell :
Everything is working perfectly as expected and no body congratulates Dev and no one gives a shit.
Single thing is broken and the whole universe be like : "Where the fuck is that son of a b*tch? Bring that bastard in front of me right now."
😡😡😡😡6 -
I work at a small retail store and we have quite a few regular customers who know I'm studying computer science because I'm always coding at work on my laptop.
One lady who comes in quite often and is very sweet asked me if I would take a look at her phone. She said she bought it and paid the owner of a phone repair store to set it up for her, but was felt like he did something weird to it. I told her I wasn't an expert but would look at it.
Oh my god. This guy set up her phone connected to his own personal icloud account. All of his music was on there. All of his contacts were on there. All of his pictures were on there. Even nude pictures of multiple people that this lady said she definitely does not know. I tell her this is very very wrong and no one in their right mind should've set her phone up this way.
I automatically think to factory reset. I'm unfamiliar with iPhone, as the last time I used one was an iPhone4 many years ago. I was unaware that apple applies an authentication lock when the phone is reset.
The authentication is set up underneath yet ANOTHER email address that belongs to this guy, as this lady promised me she has no knowledge of any email address similar to the one listed, nor does she have access to it.
I tell her to call the guy and ask for her money back and to unlock her phone so that she can reset it herself.
He claims that he cannot accept refunds if a factory reset has been performed.
Uhm, I am calling SOOOOO much bullshit. There should be absolutely no reason why the owner of the phone cannot factory reset it. The owner should be able to do ANYTHING she wants with it, without being locked out of it because some creep at a repair store did NOT DO HIS JOB CORRECTLY AND HE KNOWS IT. Why else would he claim he can't refund if it's been reset, because he KNOWS she got locked out.
So long story short I talked on the phone with him and cussed him out telling him he was wrong for taking advantage of someone who doesn't know much about technology and that he was invading privacy and violating her security and that i would report him if he didn't fully refund her and unlock her phone.
He gave her all of her money back, unlocked the phone (which she is deciding to sell because she got so scared by this), and I'm still filing a complaint against this man and his store. Who knows how many more clueless people he did this too. Fucking scumbag.10 -
Me 12 hours ago: looks like a good idea to get emailed if somebody tries to break into my new server.
Me now:
9 -
New client wanted us to redo their site and boost their SEO because "nobody has ever used our contact form".
Looking at their current site, turns out their contact form is POSTed to an HTML page, that obviously does 0 processing on it. Like tossing it on the trash bin.
Their current website is done by a company that claim they're experts on web design for our clients sector.
Still haven't stopped laughing.7 -
There are things that i wish i didn't see.
Yesterday, i went to a coffee shop to relax and reviewing my works. And suddenly a college friend of mine approach me and we started talking about work.
Me: So, What do you do at work? What's your stack?
Him: Not much of a new. Still working with wordpress, html,css and jquery.
So he started talking about how cool wordpress is and how he generates money doing sites.
Me: Can i see your sample works?
Him: Sure, *opens his shitty windows laptop with Web Tech stickers*. and handover his laptop to me.
Me: Woah. the design is so neat (I'm lying). But it's freaking slow man(REALLY FVCKING SLOW).
* I decided to open the devTools and inspected the source code. And I can't believe what i saw.
- 20+ images with 2~4mb file size
- 13 unminified javascript files with variable declarations that looks like minified.
- CDN's of bootstrap, foundation and semantic UI
- LOTS OF FVCKING PLUGINS
* I didn't told him what i saw. I just turn over the laptop to him and finish my coffee.
Him: My sites are cool right? I have a lot of pending projects right now. Easy money Bruh!
Me: Wow. *sips* coffee. and say goodbye to him and walkout.
I FEEL BAD FOR HIS CLIENTS!4 -
Saturday plan: serious switch to Linux.
1. Installs Fedora, lookin nice.
2. Let's update it, fails to boot.
3. Nouveau driver fails, lets install proprietary one.
4. dnf install dependencies, repo returns 503
5. Be stuck on a 640x480 bash.
6. Boot windows, start overwatch.15 -
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
"Apple has confirmed the suspicions of many iPhone owners by revealing it does deliberately slow down some models of the iPhone as they age."11 -
Rovio, the company behind Angry Birds, are scumbags.
When you progress to a certain level, they offer you a cool new thing — to hatch an egg. You click “hatch”, and then you have to wait 24 hours. This builds excitement — after all, it looks like an amazing new mode, and you can't wait to see what it is.
The reality is, you hatch this beautiful little creature. From here on, you have to FEED it regularly, or it will die. They drew it the cutest way possible. How should a child resist feeding this cutie? When I hatched it, I didn't know what this new mechanic was, and I assume new players don't know either.
You feed it apples. You can find apples on certain levels, but they are scarce. The further you go, the more apples are required to keep him alive. Play the game actively to keep up with it and get apples! Or, you could just… I don't know… BUY them.
“Mom, I need $11.99 to feed Fluffy, otherwise it will die!”
A straight-up scumbag fucking mechanic in a game targeted to impressionable children that will have a hard time seeing this tiny beautiful creature die of starvation. Let's guilt-trip kids into asking money from their parents!
52 -
Fuck startups.
Back when I was an wee lad I interviewed for an startup, not knowing that startups are not real companies. The scumbag interviewer, who was also the owner of the outfit, asked me what I was looking in a company. I said "fair wages, a non-antagonic environment and projects with real roadmaps".
He asked me to elaborate. I said, "You know, if today your product is a sales platform, I do not want to come into work next week and discover it is now an air travel tickets marketplace, or come back the very next day and discover it is now an automated pizza factory, or in the next day and it is now a crypto exchange..."
The scumbag looked PISSED. "Sorry, but we are looking for someone who likes the challenges of a dynamic environment (read: we do not have a business model and we hate the very idea of trying to make money out of our company), and you do not fit the profile"
Startups are not real companies, i.e. they do not systematically charge money in exchange for goods or services in amounts that exceed the cost of providing said goods or services. Most startups are just tax fronts for money laundering schemes. The rest are just playthings for rich assholes who can't get a real output-producing job. Those two categories are not mutually exclusive.
Take Facebook, for example. The poster child of startups. The Zucker that owns it just announced they are setting impossible performance targets on purpose, not even attempting to hide the fact that it is just a way to lay off large quantities of employees without using the words "massive lay offs". Companies, real thin-margin, lots-of-regulation profit-driven companies do not do that. They are not some sort of "capitalist woke", real CEOs just know that if their companies largely miss performance targets on their tenure, purposely or not, next it will be their neck on the chopping block. Because they can be fired if the KPI charts say they suck. But the Zucker cannot be fired, not even after commanding their beanbag and tap beer offices to be heated exclusively by burning hundred dollar bills.
So the Zucker is not interested in performance. Not even in lay offs as expense cutting measures - investors are an infinite source of free money for startups. The Zucker just wants to project power, especially now that engineers are not so confident in the stability of they high-paying jobs.
So are irrelevant 500-souls-or-less self-aggrandizing startups. Their owners are there because it is in vogue to have a startup or ten. And will have that startup pivot to whatever sounds fancy that season. After all, only poor people care about things like EBITDA and profit margins repeatability - A.K.A. "getting more money".
Fuck startups.13 -
- Let's write some code to check for memory leaks
- Oh shit, memory is leaking like crazy
- In fact the program crashes within 10 minutes
*Some hours of debugging and not finding the cause later*
- Starts thinking about the worse
- Hell yeah, the memory leak is caused by the code that checks for memory leaks. But fucking how
- Finds out the leak is caused by the implementation of the std C lib
- In the fucking printf() function
- Proceeds to cry5 -
Dear fellow frontend devs: either name your classes like-this or like_this, but don't mix the two, because I will punch you.10
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Why does MS need to be such a scumbag with Windows updates?
Every now and then, this unskipable blue setup screen appears and forces the user to make some decisions.
"Do you want to set Edge as the default browser?"
"Do you want a 360 subscription?"
The usual crap.
But it‘s not skippable!
You have to make a decision and the UI for "fuck off" is different for every decision.
You can‘t just press the Nope button every time.
It‘s fucking deliberate. They want you to spend time on reading their shit and force it down your throat.
And let‘s not forget about people who don‘t know computer stuff very well and are confused by this. Then call us because "the computer isn‘t working again."
And you can‘t tell them to skip this slimy rotten vomit of a marketing weasel because you need them to tell you what the options are for each fucking decision screen.
😫17 -
The company I work for offered a Javascript Course/Training for every developer to enroll, which happens to take place on 3 days. In the description it was ensured to be for everyone, doesn't matter if you are an expert or beginner: there's something to learn for everyone.
The company described him as a top coacher in Austria and that he is overbooked for 2 years. High in demand indeed. "Has to be good", I thought. As a relatively average JS developer, there has to be something to learn for me.
Sitting here the second day, I fucking regret to join this shit. I have never seen such a bullshit in my lifetime. Why the fuck would you even book this man, he doesn't even understand basic concepts of software engineering. Just reading down the script, opening the script on one laptop and showcaseing it on the other. When someone asks a question, there's a 70% chance he doesn't know the answer. It takes this scumbag 30 fucking seconds to define a function; probably making spelling mistakes alongside.
I don't even want to know how much this dude will make from this "coaching". Hoped that it'd get better over time but I don't see an improvement. Contacting my boss that I'll leave this "training".7 -
After years of working with managed code, having to work with a microcontroller in C and that only has 1kb of SRAM is being a big fucking challenge.5
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Scumbag BroCow
Uses github to store his family photos
Uses github as a media streaming server
Conceals the repository by a random name.
Ignores pull request and issues made by haters1 -
Just remembered that I forgot to push all day's work..
Now my scumbag brain is going to keep me awake all night thinking about all the shit that can go wrong...
Great1 -
hey dickhead, you could, at least, test everything is working after you merged your branch.Now you have leaving the company, i'm the one in charge of cleaning up your shit.
Hope you will eat a dick every time one of your program fail 'cause of your lack of test2 -
My innocent-pretending “I din do nuffing” ass after destroying multiple managers careers by manipulating the company opinion against them bc they try to play that scumbag move first but I’m just more conniving, powerful, and just a fucking beast.
10 -
Had annual appraisal meeting today. Been in this company for 2yrs now, after being hired outta college. It happens first after 2 years, then yearly.
I have long since known that my boss is a scumbag. My lucky college mates got assigned to great managers, leaders I must say, while I got the typical, know it all boss.
Now this racist, motherfucker, for reasons unknown to me, has mostly disliked me. But hey, the feelings mutual but I don't ever go busting his ass.
Previous employees eventually transferred locations or departments. But I stuck coz I respected some colleagues and learnt a lot from them.
Now this nutjob gave me a 2/5 rating. Says I need to improve my communication. I need to talk more. WTF you goatfucking cunt! I decide how much I wanna talk. I don't waste my time, and even if I did, I don't have any right to waste someone elses time. And talking about communication skills - BITCH! Everytime you speak something, I need like 2 mins to compile your jumbled fucking words in my mind to be able to comprehend what it is you wanted to convey. And you cunt! YOU are going to tell me I need to improve my communication. Dumbfuck I ain't no Shakespeare, but I can convey my message through.
Fucking peasant!
Hmm. The lemon tea sure is good today.4 -
Got a nice PR merged. Happy because it's on a popular project with over 4k stars. Ashamed because 50% of the commits are changing indentation from 4 spaces to tabs 😌1
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We all know that scumbag test that sporadically decides to fail. Simply running it again makes it pass.1
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Spent a good hour wondering why our website is displaying in the wrong language on some phones. Ended up opening an issue on the Chromium tracker.4
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(Part 2/2?)
THE RAT-RACE ARC:
I get a mail 2 months into this fiasco telling me to register on their website and take up another test. I was already over with my emergency and was working my full-time default. (Fortunately I found another internship during this time which was one of the best initiatives I've worked with).
It asks me to register as a new user, take up the test and "share" my results. Not pushing it on insta/fb but legitimately share my test results link to my friends manually like a referral code. The more shares the more marks I'll get in the test. Why the test you ask. Of course to sign you up for the same Whatsapp trickery bullshit.
Luckily these nutcases didn't know they could be bypassed. I simply opened the link in incognito and logged in with my own account and that counted as a point. So I automated that shit.
Surprise surprise. The same fucking "Hello everyone" message into my mail. To my surprise I was relatively lucky to get ghosted after my attempt. This story is quite depressing in general cases. You're supposed to do this assignment shit for 2 months and then they ask for 2000 INR for a training period, past which you are paid between 1000/- and 7000/-. Though I didn't get the chance but I'm willing to bet you get 1000/- per month in a 2-MONTH INTERNSHIP. WTF.
You also have the other option of ranking first in their 3 consecutive competition that they hold. The theme is again to create chunks of their actual outsourced work.
WHY NOW:
The reason why this rant sparked is because I recently received an email with my results of the aptitude exam that I first took before the Whatsapp fiasco. I imagine they just pushed out a new update to their test thingy and forgot to set it's limit.
THE CORRECTION ARC:
I pushed this message to Internshala. They were kind enough to remove them from their website. I also shot down their Angel and Indeed listings. I sent a strongly worded email counting their con-artist operations and how I've alerted authorities (obviously a bluff but I was enjoying it). They most probably are not affected by this though. They might still be continuing their operations on their website.
I'm sharing the story here with the moral of:
Don't do jackshit if they're not compensating you for it
Always check for reviews before you start working at a place.
Be cautious of bulk messages (and the infamous HEY GUYS!! opening)
Don't do anything outside your work specification at least while doing an assignment.
You're free to question and inquire respectfully about the proceedings.
If you're good at your job you'll get good working place. No need to crush yourself with an oppressive job due to external restrictions.
And if you manage a company, please don't take advantage of helplessness.
There's no good ending to this tale as I have not received a follow-up. Though I want to see scumbags of their calibre shot down without remorse.
Good bye and thank you for listening.
2 -
No matter the hard work you want to do, how much time you want and really spend to complete something, always a scumbag project manager will set the dates so that you won't make it in f*ing time!! Really now, it is frustrating!!
Well, I moved to a new company and all seems vanilla. But you know. Now I have this lesson to remind myself.4 -
Anyone else annoyed by their scumbag brain that is hard to please but gets content easily?
Or is it just me?2 -
Pros of developing for VR: it's cool.
Cons: when I leave the office it seems like a cow spat on my hair.1 -
Watching Google's keynote, every time they say "OK Google" my idiotic phone wakes up and starts listening...1
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I'm shitting there hammering out some code butchering some real problems when I suddenly realise I'm surrounded. I look around and yes it's the bloody committee.
The committee is what I call the rest of the department and it is dominated by the old guard which comprises of the programmers that have been around for longer.
None of the old guard can program particularly well but because they had been around the longest they'd all grown senior. The committee had free reign but anyone else doing anything differently has to get approval from the committee.
The only way to code otherwise was to copy and paste existing code then to primarily rename things. If anyone did anything that hadn't been seen before then it would have to be approved by the committee. Individual action was not permitted unless you were old guard.
I swept my headphones away expecting it to be something unimportant. It was.
First things first they announce. We're going to add extraneous commas to the last element of all possible lists separated by comma including parameters or so they say. Ask but why so I do.
Because the language now supports it. They added support for it so it must be the right way someone proclaimed. Does it? I didn't realise we were waiting for it. Why do we want it though?
Didn't you hear? It's all over the blogosphere. It massively improves merge requests. But how I ask?
Five minutes later I grow tired of the chin stroking, elbow harnessing, slanted gazes into the yonder and occasionally hearing maybe its because and ask if they mean when you for example add an element the last element registers as changed from adding a comma. Turns out that's all it is.
How often do we see that tiny distraction and isn't it pointless to make the code ugly just for a tiny transient reduction in diff noise I ask. Everyone's stumped. This went on and on and got worse and worse. But it makes moving things around easy half of them say in unison like the bunch of slobs that they are. I mean really. It doesn't make expanding and contracting statements from multiline to single line easy and it's such a stupid thing. Is that all they do all day? Move multi-line method parameters up and down all day? If their coding conventions weren't totally whack they wouldn't have so many multiline method prototypes with stupid amounts of parameters with stupidly long types and names. They all use the same smart IDE which can also surely handle fixing the last comma and why is that even a concern given all the other outrageously verbose and excessive conventions for readability?
But you know what, who cares, fine, whatever. Lets put commas all over the shop and then we can all go to the pub and woo the ladies with how cool and trendy we are up to date with all the latest trends and fashions then we go home with ten babes hanging off each arm and get so laid we have to take a sick day the following to go to the STD clinic. Make way for we are conformists.
But then someone had to do it. They had to bring up PSR. Yes, another braindead committee that produces stupid decisions. Should brackets be same line or next line, I know, lets do both they decided. Now we have to do PSR and aren't allowed to use sensible conventions.
But why, I ask after explaining it's actually quite useful as a set of documents we can plagiarise as a starting point but then modify but no, we have to do exactly what PSR says. We're all too stupid apparently you see. Apparently we're not on their level. We're mere mortals. The reason or so I'm told, is so that anyone can come in and is they know PSR coding styles be able to read and write the code. That's not how it works. If you can't adjust to a different style, a more consistent style, that's not massively bizarre or atypical but rather with only minor differences from standard styles, you're useless. That's not even an argument, it's a confession that you've got a lump of coal where your brain's supposed to be.
Through all of this I don't really care because I long ago just made my own code generators or transpilers that work two ways and switch things between my shit and their shit but share my wisdom anyway because I'm a greedy scumbag like that.
Where the shit really hit the fan is that I pointed out that PSR style guide doesn't answer all questions nor covers all cases so what do we do then. If it's not in PSR? Then we're fucked.4 -
I told the designers how a web works a hundred times.
I thought they got it.
Today they handed me a "web design" as an InDesign file.2 -
Here comes my rant about versioning.
Why don't you use semver? Or something that makes fucking sense?
I've been banging my head against this lib that was required, wondering why the thing was crashing everywhere, for hours. Then I had to dig through its code, for a while too.
And then I finally discover that, from 1.3.9 to 1.4.0, half of the API changed and was backwards incompatible. Yay. Also, one would think that's a thing worth of mention in the docs, but why bother right?
Uggggh -
I guess anybody as dumb as me using Windows 10 for work would hate the new stupid automatic updates. But it went to the highest level for me.
I was working on a huge ugly ass PHP script. My hands were frantically pressing keys as I witnessed Windows restarting itself without warning to install updates. Which failed. Then restarted two more times.
I ragequitted W10 as fast as light I swear.5 -
TL;DR Asus is a scumbag company when it comes to software.
I love Asus, they make awesome hardware but man do they blow ass when it comes to software and their customer support. They had perfectly working Link To MyAsus app (on Windows and Android) but no no no, we have to release updates and break this shit. Now I cannot use my phone as a webcam.
Fuck this shit.5 -
No better way to start off a new year than to wake up to message from the boss telling you that you need to start to work even harder because there are projects overdue and clients has started charging penalties.
Of course he doesn't care that there are only two of us (me, a Junior Android Dev and he iOS Dev) and there are 3 projects, all with deadlines in December 2017 or January 2018.1 -
When the office is melting in the heat and it takes the air conditioners hours to cool the air to proper temperatures, then comes a scumbag colleague, who eats the smelliest food possible out there! Fuck you, man, fuck you!2
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A few years ago, one of the largest customers of our agency came up with an idea for a facebook app for Easter... the day before Easter Monday.
Managed to get the app working, but I didn't receive any overtime compensation from my employer...
I don't work there anymore, and I couldn't be happier. -
A friend of mine is finishing his telecomm engineering degree, currently on an internship.
Turns out that his new job consists on managing their trainwrecked WordPress and making pictures for their Facebook page. His boss is also the biggest a-hole I've never heard off.
He is so fed up of their bullshit he made a lil backdoor on the web. We are planning on injecting a script that replaces every char on the site with \uFD5. Any better ideas?4 -
The way I understand software licenses.
Cool bro MIT: Free to do whatever you want as long as you include a copy of the license and you can't hold the original accountable.
fair dude Apache 2.0: Like the MIT license but more bureaucratic and few more minor things you need to keep track of.
scumbag GPL: free as in the same way that prison food is free. used by java in gotcha cases as a source of revenue because no one understands java licensing. Often used in the form of a deterrent so you never dare to open up the github page.
scumbag GPL who, realising they have no friends, becomes slightly less of a dick LGPL: But please stop using this and use our more restrictive "freedom" license.
I am not a lawyer. This is not legal advice.13 -
When I was finishing my telecommunications engineering degree, my aunt told me that a friend of her had a work offer for me and we arranged a casual interview.
After some small talk, the first thing this dude told me was: "as you have studied telecommunications, you must be interested on selling telecommunication devices right?". It happened to be a pyramidal phone reselling "work" offer.
I have never felt so attacked. My family thinks I studied 6 years to fucking sell phones.1 -
I’m so done with people bruh. Getting friends an adult is literally just having pissing contests about status, money, and power. Like am I just supposed to sit there and really truly believe that something fucking POSITIVEEE will come out of my restraint instead of taking two hands and beating their face into a fucking bowl when they talk to me rude?!? “Like no I don’t mind at all how you mentioned your cool new house in that manner, I really hope it doesn’t burn down with your family inside :)” The amount of conceited, prideful, scumbag, asshole, penisbreath, pieces of raw shit that inhabit the earth makes me question my own validity for existing. 99.999% of people I would never want to marry, be friends with, or even really speak to - because you know what?!? - because why??!? - because it’s a waste of my own fucking time that’s why. I could think of a million things to do that would actually benefit us all instead of being entrapped in a useless fucking social experience with these fucks. Everyone is a obese fucking pillow princess, and I hope the only thing that they can eventually fuck is themselves. FUCK6
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This is what being an arrogant asshole looks like.
I really like devrant. I met a community of like-minded people and i had a lot of fun here. But then I also notice a pattern of people who are seeking to insult and hurt.
But I'm not going to a website to get insulted.
@aviophile
@FastNop
@Lensflare
You won. I'm just a dumb frontender / webdev or whatever. i don''t have a degree in comp. sci. I should go flip burger
RIP my 8 years old account. RIP too my support to devrant.
I hope it worth being a scumbag to protect your technical purity, assholes.
52 -
Microsoft is revolutionary on software development: instead of introducing bugs and pretend they are features, they develop features that are as fucking annoying as a bug.
For example, now you can't turn off Windows Defender. Thanks for making my life easier. Thank you so fucking much.3 -
TBH I feel terrible, I hire and underpay developers on upwork. I'm such a scumbag, but it's soo addictingly cheap to abuse desperate low-income devs. One day when i get my startup going, I'll make things right and pay them properly. Until then, "get back to work you third world m*ther f*ckers". I'm jk, I'm tw too.
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mfw the client says he wants his e-commerce site SEO optimized, and his "computer guy" friend has had a default cms installation set on their domain for months and it's already indexed by every engine probably with a negative score 🙆🙆
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I personally hate that ad blockers block analytics software, specially since (as by the law) users must give consent before it collects data, several options exist to opt-out, and they are not f'ing ads.
I've been thinking to set a cron job to fetch analytics.js regularly and serve it locally as, let's say jquery-4.0.js, and screw it. What's your insight about it, fellow frontend devs?8
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