Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

I've never had a great experience working with designers, but this one might be the laziest! Props if it's for a friend and unpaid though.

Password complexity checker for big car rental company is set to insane mode
☑️ 30 char
☑️ symbols
☑️ numbers
☑️ upper & lower
❎ still 'too weak'

Var gf = [];

👋🏻 So, yesterday I thought I'd quit...

👠 Today it turns out I've been fired, and my resignation wasn't opened 😂 😂

🖕 Hannah from HR

In fairness I did literally say that to Hannah from HR yesterday in a sort-of-attempt to get myself fired, so... I'm not quite sure who wins...

I am so fucking fed up with being brought into a meeting because you "understand the technology" and then no fucker actually listens when you say that their idea won't work because the tech isn't magic.

So, continuing the story, in reverse order, on the warship and its domain setup...
One day, the CO told me that we needed to set up a proper "network". Until now, the "network" was just an old Telcom switch, and an online HDD. No DHCP, no nothing. The computers dropped to the default 169.254.0.0/16 link local block of addresses, the HDD was open to all, cute stuff. I do some research and present to him a few options. To start things off, and to show them that a proper setup is better and more functional, I set up a linux server on one old PC.
The CO is reluctant to approve of the money needed (as I have written before, budget constraints in the military is the stuff of nightmares, people there expect proper setups with two toothpicks and a rubber band). So, I employ the very principles I learned from the holy book Bastard Operator From Hell: terrorizing with intimidating-looking things. I show him the linux server, green letters over black font, ngrep -x running (it spooks many people to be shown that). After some techno-babble I got approval for a proper rack server and new PCs. Then came the hard part: convincing him to ditch the old Telcom switch in favour of a new CISCO Catalyst one.
Three hours of non-stop barrage. Long papers of NATO specifications on security standards. Subliminal threats on security compromises. God, I never knew I would have to stoop so low. How little did I know that after that...
Came the horrors of user support.
Moral of the story: an old greek saying says "even a saint needs terrorizing". Keep that in mind.

logger.info(String.Format(" User {0} changed their password from {1} to {2}", username, oldPassword, newPassword))

Production system. Plaintext log.

🎉 Today, I quit!

🖕🏻 Hannah from HR
🖕🏻 Hot desking

👋 I will miss (most of) the other people though. They were ok.

🤔 Now how am I gonna afford my coke and Bollinger hobbies

Best of luck to all Ukrainian ranters. Buffer states are awful places to be.

When clients sent work requests in the veil of "Merry Christmas" messages...

🖕🏼Susan

Got this email from my manager today... a bit of a downer to my three day weekend!

I actually don't talk about work (in an indentifiable way), and I think most of the other points in their guide are utter BS (and unenforceable).

I am pretty open (about myself) on social media though, so feel sorry for HR if they've been combing through it! 🤣

Trying to write more commit , so that i can stay top in github project chart with less real code be like....
Git commit -am "added p in code"
Git commit -am "added r in code"
Git commit -am " added i in code"
Git commit -am "added n in code"
Gir commit -am "added t in code"
Git commit -am " gave the proper indentation to print"

If i delete the small ; here .. whole app will collapse in new york city
This is called butterfly effect.
}{

Happily agree to help colleague with 'a quick problem' on their pet project. Realise a few seconds in that they can't actually see a difference between JS and JSON.

Was office SharePoint bitch at one point. This guy wanted me to build a workflow for him that would enforce insane checks on his (peer) colleagues. Asked if his manager approved and obviously they hadn't. So this guy started telling me he would build his own application from scratch and host it on his home server if I didn't help him. Pointing out the business might object to their confidential data being put on his home server didn't put him off. Getting laid off a few months later for gross incompetence did however.

Everybody dream of making own version of google company,that is paradise for every programmer. Atleast its advertised in that way.

But eventually when s/he start own company it eventually become evil corp.

Reality is harsh.

We're starting to "insult" each other in NATO phonetics

what a way to start 2019

Wanted: Senior Software Engineer for important job at NATO

Required: all sorts of leadership certificates.

2 pages of jibber jabber. But not a word about the software stack or even technologies used 😂

It's the opposite of where they ask you have experience with everything, I guess they found out that wasn't working either.

Just read about the leap second being added at the exact moment of going in to New Year (31/12/16 23:59:60!!!!!). I can't be the only one thinking what the fucking fuck are they thinking and why am i hearing about this for the first time 24 hours before it's happening.

Phone full of messaging app 😤

Don't be afraid that pair programming will show up your inexperience, embrace it as the quickest way to build that experience!

All company meeting to discuss plans to move office, and they want to change all of the devs to hot-desking?!

Would be interested in your guys experiences if any of you have done it, but I feel I'd be affected a lot as I only work 3-4 days a week.

I literally stood up and left the meeting, saying I'd quit if they did it. I'm far more comfortable and productive with my setup and space. Knowing my co-workers they might think I'm saying it for drama but I think I actually would leave, despite everything else being fine (except HR!).

I've just got in from bar* work, a little drunk*!

My last dev employer actually offered me my old job back, but as HR are so awful I said the situation was past that and demanded compensation. A nice payout agreed for me, for not taking it to tribunal 👍

Now for the new job! I thought working the night scene would be fun, but it's not well paid and the freelance I have is but it's hard to juggle the two.

I might have a break or a month or so doing this, then look for another job.

Anyone recommend good companies LGBT friendly in London?

Indian priminister modi is popular in coding realm too... i c bunch of modifier (modify, modification) now and then

What's worse in an open office?

A) Music
B) People

(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter, credit @dustin)

IoT device endpoint: public fixed IP, raw TCP socket, no auth at all

Anyone else enjoy "uncropping" images embedded in MS Office documents? People cropping out other windows/tabs from full screenshots... I've seen some weird stuff!

It's not unusual to be sent documentation / screenshots saved as MS Office documents (Word, PowerPoint etc.). Kinda annoying but whatever.

"This is now urgent we are in risk of breach of contract."

*travels an hour just to discuss*

"Oh don't worry, don't panick about it, so and so is probably sorting it. We most likely don't need it."

IBM Notes. Ultimate example of developers each working on their own bits of functionality with zero thought to how the whole thing fits together. Just need to look at the preferences page see what a mess it is.

What about ruby on rocket....
😎
Ancronym will be same 🤣

Anyone have experience taking SSRIs? What's the first week or so like, did it help long term, and any withdrawal issues?

I'm thinking of removing heatsink and palcing my hand instead .... ❄️❄️❄️❄️

NDAs for me are a good predictor for a bad client or client relationship.

Doesn't work so well for larger cos, and it's not unusual for them to require one anyway.

I charge a fairly high flat fee for signing one. The people who won't pay probably don't need the NDA anyway and were going to be problematic.

A UK bank (building society) are giving away a free home security camera if you take out their home insurance product.

Seriously!? I do NOT want to install a camera, given to me by my bank, in my flat!

"Who ever said money can't solve your problems?

Must not have had enough money to problem to solve them."

Bitter truth for many.

Programmer is social only when s/he sit on commod... :p

Our time recording software (based on SAP) triggers a blocking synchronous web service call every single time you do *anything*. Imagine having to wait 10 seconds every time you:
- put a number in a cell
- select a row
- press anything on the screen

Oh and when you lose connection nothing is saved and you have to start again (wtf was it even sending to the server)

I got an interview for a job a NATO, it's an interview with an app called hirevue they send me question and I have 5 minute to answer. Do you have any advice/tips ?

Anyone into minecraft pocketmine plugin/server developing?

On a night out and posting on social media...

My friend: Hannah from HR is gonna love this one

😭

Me always: never installing MacOS updates because something always breaks

Mac always: Updates available! Install now??

Me today: *installs MacOS updates*

Mac today: *refuses to boot*

Winstalling :/

Working from home, the office is pretty unbearable in this heat.

Anyone else feel like conference calls in your underwear is a top work from home perk!

Quick and dirty job to get some data into a DB wasted my entire evening.

Created table with few columns, tried writing to it from NodeJS app and it kept complaining I wasn't providing values for columns that didn't even exist. After ages pissing about decided that the DB gods had cursed this particular table so created a second one with same DDL. Now it worked first fucking time. Then it finally dawned on me, I'd managed to pick a reserved table name and the RDBMS didn't think to give me a warning when I created it. Not only did it not warn me but it kept going as it nothing was the matter and didn't report the extra columns on a SELECT *.

Sounds about right

Just finished the night job at 5am. Looking forward to a good rest tomorrow! Not looking forward to correcting my sleeping pattern for Monday 😭

I'm starting on C# and some of the lesson plans out there dont make sense. So far Bob Tabor and Plural Sight has helped me half way and the bulgarian shark book too. What has helped you cross that threshold past the basics. I'm stuck on structs, namespaces, sort algorithms, sql and json.

Fuck. Less than six hours before I'm in work. Time for bed! Let's see what that bitch Hannah from HR has to say when I'm back! I've stepped up my social media game🤣

Why setting up bumblebee is so hard😡

If press this button <del> will you die??

$cash me outside, how 'bout that?

What do people use (I'm specifically interested in UK, but all answers welcome!) for P2P payments?

I like square cash, just so that I can say that. Monzo next, and the I guess direct bank transfer but only with a handful of people I really know. You wouldn't want to give it to stranger, and its a cumbersome process.

I do some freelancing on the site, make a bit of cash and it's a bit different to the day job.

It can itself be pretty dull or boring, but at least I can drop the client when the project's over and try to find something interesting.

Anyways, I'm logged into a client Google account to do some domain admin on a GSuite account. Logged into Incognito so that it doesn't interrupt my usual session.

Get a bit distracted and sidetracked, end up searching for porn... in Incognito... in the client's session! 💀

Quickly clear search history and hope that does it!

Tell me someone else has done this too??

Hello friends i got neighbor wifi password

ssid => Digicom_wifi

password=> "an0therant"

enjoy and thank me later
Yahooo

Have any devs done bar work before..?

I've always enjoyed doing things outside of work, and I work 3-4 days a week in my main job to create time for this. It's great for my mental health, and means I can optimise the main job for pay/good benefits and fulfil my "other needs" (stimulation/challenge/enjoyment) in other places.

The main things for me are dev contracting on the side or acting/singing, to a lesser extent travel, a bit of activism and law study. Just because 🤷‍♂️

Especially re: my last rant with *that* email from HR on Friday, I'm tempted to be a bit more strict about only doing three days and picking up something else.

Although I know the pay is awful, I really want to try bar work on the side just to do something different.

Has anyone else done bar work before?

Nobody likes chatbots/conversational UI for anything other than chat, right?

I have a savings app with conversational UI. I press one of a number of options e.g. "Savings". There's this artificial delay after the network request has been made so that it looks like the app is typing back at you. Why???

You then get another limited set of options, or you can tap "Back". These options are supposedly as if you typed it back as a response.

I can get three "questions" (levels) deep, let's say to deposit cash, only for it to turn around and say that I've reached a daily/weekly limit? At each level there's this awful delay, and you already knew I wouldn't be able to perform the action regardless of my responses after my very first "message"!

Why is this good/popular? And the whole thing totally breaks if there's any loss of connectivity.

Stop it. Please.