me: im tired of coding here

boss: then go home and code there

me: GREAT SEE U TOMORROW

boss: okay, tomorrow bring a pillow, slippers and food so you'll feel more comfy coding!

Boot up/shut down(different os edition)

Windows:
......eh?....
......zzzz......z...eh?
......
.....
....hold up.....zzz
....eh? Oh right!....
......z.....ok ok I am here...what?
....z...zzzzzz

Mac OS:
........
.......
..eh?
...ok I am here wtf u want?

Linux (most distros)
....snores coke...what?I AM HERE LETS GO MOFOCKA

-----shut down
Windows:
Still eating glue...
....glue....glue....glue...
WINDOWS WILL UPDATE WHE...whst are you doing with that pillow shshuahahhaah..x___x

Mac OS
.....
..ok fuck u bye whatever

Linux (most distros)
Ok bye xoxoxo talk to you lateer
**dead**

Have to share some pillow talk with the wife last night - somehow got onto the subject of washing machines. Mentioned that most washing machines run on something like Java, she disagreed and said they run on buttons. BUTTONS!!

Told her I would be putting this on devrant.

Recipe for a Great Programmer:

Ingredients:
-Books for a computer science curriculum from a top university
-Computer
-Headphones
-Internet
-Stress ball
-Pillow
-Lighter fluid
-Food

Directions:

1. Cover computer science books with lighter fluid
2. Light books on fire
3. Use flames to cook an energy-rich meal for the thousands of hours ahead
4. Pick an IDE
5. Choose a project beyond current capabilities. Good ways to push boundaries:
- Unfamiliar domain (e.g. large scale data processing, UI programming, high performance computing, games)
- Exotic programming language
- Larger in scope than any project before
6. Shut up about your IDE
7. Attempt to build
8. Stop procrastinating on Hacker News
9. Re-attempt to build
10. Squeeze stress ball and scream into pillow as necessary to keep sanity
When stuck:
- Paste stack traces into Google
- Find appropriate mailing list to get guidance
- Realize that real learning happens when you are stuck, uncomfortable, and/or frustrated
- Seek out books, classes, or other resources AFTER you have a good understanding of your deficiencies
11. Repeat #4 to #10 for at least 10 years
12. Results guaranteed! (to the same extent static types guarantee bug-free programs)

source: nathanmarz.com

first time i have a boyfriend who s also a developer.... boy, our pillow talk is weird...

Me and my girlfriend's pillow talk about memory leaks

Me: **... So garbage collection is a means to stopping a memory leak from occuring
Gf: what 's a memory leak ?
Me: a memory leak is like when you want a pizza, and the guy gives you pizza. But you don't eat the pizza and you ask for another pizza. You keep doing this repeatedly. Until the pizza guy realizes what you're doing and decides to kill you. He then takes back all his pizzas
Gf: why would you do that though?
Me: Lazy ass programmers who don't clean up after themselves.

when your laptop freezes and you have to hold the power button. feels like putting a pillow over someone, "it'll be over soon... sshhhh shhhhh..."

Clients website got cloned and has now demanded the right click, highlighting text should be disabled.

I can't find a pillow to scream into.

My dog decided to use the laptop as a pillow! 😂🐶💻

One day I will understand those git jokes :)

Today was my first day at work after Easter break...

It's 22:00 and my head is buried in my pillow filled by random thoughts of violence, rm -rf / schemes and questions about where my life is going!

So... Anyone wanna open a coffee shop?
Or something involving waffles...
Mmmmmmmm waffles

WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.. I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE MY FUCKING PHONE VIBRATED UNDER MY FUCKING PILLOW WHICH I KNOW ISN'T VERY HEALTHY BUT WHATEVER, I CHECK MY PHONE AND IT'S A GODDAMN GOOGLE PLAY AD... IN THE FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS. THEY FUCKING SENT ME AN APP SUGGESTION IN MY NOTIFICATIONS EVEN THOUGH THAT OPTION IS SPECIFICALLY TURNED OFF IN THE FUCKING SETTINGS.
FUCK YOU GOOGLE YOU BOTNET GREEDY BLOATED "muh AI" PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOUR SERVERS IN ALL CONTINENTS GET BURNED DOWN BY SOME SADIST NIHILIST HACKER WITH A 0DAY AND YOU SEIZE TO EXIST.

Goodnight.

Today one of the team members went to a client meeting and spoke to him WHILE HUGGING A PILLOW

I tried a few methods.

First osmosis. I would put several programming books under my pillow but that was just a pain in the neck.

Next I tried the TF/RQ methods. I would try to write some code not knowing anything about the language. When it didn't work I'd rage quit and flip the table. That ended with a pile of broken IKEA desks and a lot of spilled coffee. (RIP Coffee 😔)

Finally I sat down and came up with a problem I wanted to solve. I googled it, looked at answers. Tried the code myself, if it worked I'd go over it piece by piece so I could explain to anyone exactly what it did and why.

Honestly, learning to code just comes down to doing it and being fearless. The more curious you are, the more you'll learn.

“PHP is evil” is not just a joke.

PHP is usually percieved as a language which is not so consistent and has some opinionated historical aspects but allows rapid development because it’s easy. They say PHP doesn’t focus on that “purist shit” such as concepts and “just gets things done”.

Hovewer, this is not true. PHP lures you in and lies to you promising saving time on development, but everything, and I mean EVERYTHING written in PHP is doomed to turn into a bloody mess sooner or later.

You have to be an AI to manage the growing PHP codebase and add features without breaking anything. With every feature it gets harder and harder. If you’re still a human managing a human team, you have to enforce guidelines. Automatic error preventon measures are made of code themselves so the cost of deploying them ona late stage can be ridiculous. And you never deploy them on early stage because you want to “save time”. Your people have to spend more and more time everyday checking on that guidelines. Your development process only becomes slower and slower. If you try to push things, your project will crumble to dust.

To make PHP at least decent, you have to figure out all this by yourself on an early stage. When you’re done, you spent a lot of time creating the buggy, ad-hoc, unspecified and unsupported alternative of what works out of the box in other languages. And you still code in PHP and still have all its disadvantages in your project’s DNA.

PHP is evil because it promises and never delivers. PHP is evil because it lies to you and it already fucked over so many of us.

If you want to code in PHP, do it under your pillow. Code your own silly projects.

If your project has the word “production” somewhere in its plans, PHP is not the way to go.

Amen.

The most important skill you can have is doing things without shame.

Shamelessly stay in your bed all weekends watching PewDiePie, never brushing your teeth, eating Doritos from under your pillow and peeing into empty Mountain Dew bottle if you feel like doing it.

Shamelessly spend your vacation sitting in the toilet with a laptop browsing reddit.

Shamelessly cut your product in half and ship it if you don't feel like perfecting it.

Shamelessly admit that you don't know something when you messed something up at work.

If you are a millennial like me, chances are your gen x parents told you that you have to be perfect / really good to succeed and to be worthy.

You know what? Fuck your parents then. Fuck my parents as well. Admitting this behavior wrong and actually giving up on living like something is always watching is the best thing you can do to your mental health.

I'm lazy. I write "any" here and there when they force me to do typescript at work. When I need a sidebar, I go and copy-paste that jquery snippet. I write like one article a month at best and I really want to say "fuck it" if I just don't feel like it.

You can always give up on everything and it's perfectly fine. This doesn't make you any kind of looser or something. You're perfectly fine.

Too bad I'm only beginning to master that.

I'm gonna cheat a little since i don't like alcohol 😁

School projet, designer sends me final design less than 24 hours before the deadline, i coded all night long. 17 hot chocolate bowl. I never got the luck to be in the same flow than that night. Each hot chocolate made me stronger, lines of code were running, CSS was perfectly good first try.

Once code was submitted, i slept for like 14 hours. I woke up hugging my pillow.

I'm pretty sure i was drunk with hot chocolate.

We planted a blanket, pillow and full sized ambulatory mannequin to sleep under the desk of our software director. It was a deep desk with no visible parts showing unless you happened to look down.

After a meeting, he went into his office and sat down. About a minute later there was a very high pitched squeal and he came running out of his office to the amusement of several developers and managers outside. 😈

I have two laptop bags, one for my laptop, and one for my pillow. I pull the pillow out to scream in it, when I realise there are devs that get to work at devRant, and I have to work with fking bankers

>Be me
>About to finish large-ish GUI program in Java
>Finish coding program
>Be happy that you finally finished
>Go to test the program
> Doesn't start
>Get concerned
>Debug the code for hours on end to find out why it isn't working
>Find that you were missing a semi-colon the whole time
>Yell into a pillow
>Go to devRant to rant about it

Pro Tip: If you spent all day debugging and shit's still not working, go get yourself an oversized, fully functional enter-key-pillow. Your code will probably still not work, but now you can at least spare your keyboard and smash that enter-key with all your built up rage

Levels of tech awareness:

0: Doesnt use tech at all
1: Uses tech only for work
2: Uses it for films/gaming
3: Has alexa/google home
4: Uses smart home system
5: Has a loaded shotgun under the pillow, which is used to shoot the only piece of tech in the house (a printer from 2004) when it makes an unexpected noise!

My mum told me to, "get the sheets of the line."

I did as she asked, but later that night she came back and said, "where are the pillow cases?"

Python is a fucking joke. "Readability" disguised as 150+ magic methods and values. Virtual environments to hide shitty dependency management. Strings that may or may not act as comments. No correlation between package and module names - install Pillow; import PIL. **kwargs instead of options=dict(), because why separate function arguments from arbitrary extra data? And finally, the only way to have tkinter on Windows is to install IDLE, so that some fucktard can stick their shitty app right up yours ...

Some days,
I look at code I've wrote.
Go to my bed,
AND SCREAM INTO A PILLOW

PM: "Can you take a look at this app and see if you can find why it's producing errors and fix it"
Me: "Yea sure, can I see the documentation so I might be able to understand the system and why it's doing that?"
PM: "There's no documentation" ... "Also it was cowboy coded by an intern"

Ok this is a weird story.

So myself and two friends were working on a chrome extension several years ago, probably late high school/early college years.

So before any of us had seen the ballmer peak xkcd, I had discovered it on my own. I was telling my friend that we should start drinking because a)it's Saturday night, and b) I code better buzzed. So he decided to push the limits. He poured my drink super heavy, then another, then didn't finish his and insisted I did. He ended up getting me super drunk. I started going off on how they were doing it wrong, then took over the keyboard. What I wrote cannot even be considered code. I went on an incoherent rant, puked in a trash can, and then woke up in the bathroom with a towel as a pillow.

And that's the story of why my friends are convinced the ballmer peak is definitely not a thing.

Everybody loves Python, but every documentation about a library is ***** (not good) or I am to dumb to understand? ( for example Pillow Tkinter)

Favorite place to code include:
+ Bed (laying down)
+ Bed (sit up with pillow fort)
+ Bathroom (with laptop wrapped in plastic food wraping in bath)
+ Bathroom (on toilet)

Since some weeks I've got trouble sleeping, so I put the source code of sleep from the coreutils under my pillow.

Yeah, it worked (:

Working from home is a cool experience for me, but video meetings are a hassle. Not because of the nature of the meeting, but because I need to be sure that certain giant pillow is not visible for the webcam.

Also, for some reason I'm the only one with a stable connection, so there's a large overhead of asking and nobody talking, because we don't know what just happened

Battery life worth some sloppy seconds is part of all mobile devices nowadays, mainly because it's standard by now to charge all your devices in your dedicated charging room, stacked with millions of chargers, where you connect thousands of devices before you go sleep. (dont forget to put your smart pillow on charge too)

Having a day or two worth of battery life in a laptop with normal use or a phone that can easily power through heavy usage for 3-4 days or more is really just so rare.

I can see how all mobile processors jumped multiple thousands of generations with power consumption, but that doesnt help, if companies just put a thin layer of battery to actually power it.

I am so glad I am finally again able to have both a laptop and a mobile phone that don't force me to charge all the time or carry around my huge battery packs.

A full day of my new phone gets me only down to 75-80% and I really started appreciating again, how just a slightly thicker phone can make such a huge change.

I guess that you could say that things are getting pretty serious...

I just woke up and found out that I was using my laptop as a pillow. S2

“Well maybe I can hack the old thing to work for a while longer” I think to myself.

“Oh hell this thing is a major pain in the ass to work on because of the way I hacked it together a year and a half ago. I forgot about that.”

It’s so bad looking at old projects. This morass of spaghetti code has more cringe than a weeaboo wolf whistling at a goth chick with an anime body pillow in the passenger seat of his rusted out 80’s Toyota Corolla that is not an AE-86 or 88 but he has rattled canned it to look like Initial D anyway.

TLDR: Why the fuck is a senior developer creating multiple instances of a core piece of logic all over the fucking application?!?!?!?

Context: I am also a senior dev, and have worked with this guy for years. He has even completed me on my clean code practices and architecture, so I really cant understand why he would copy and paste a public class into 3 other models on the project instead of just referencing the original. I’m just posting this hear as my version of screaming into a pillow in frustration, and to avoid badmouthing him to co-workers.

I want to rant about 14yo me approaching css, cause I feel a lot like lately I am ranting a lot (irl mostly) and forgot we all start humbly.

- Be 14 yo me and start learning css
- Spend two hours trying to make a css file work
- Get angry at the file (the 14yo me lost his cool a lot) and say css is stupid
- Realise 1 and l have the same representation in the current font
- get bright red
- change that letter
- all works
- hide the face in the pillow and feel stupid
- no, I meant really stupid

Btw 14yo me you were right, css IS stupid, mostly due to inconsistencies and IE

Trying to working, but my dog has decided to use my laptop as a pillow and goes to sleep! 🐶💤

Dealing with relationships when you are a night owl. I don't burn the midnight oil like in my twenties but I don't want to go to sleep at 1030pm. Midnight is typical but I feel my actions affect my missus as she can't sleep when I'm not there...that said..she has issues sleeping anyway or nodding off. Whereas I can fall asleep in front a TV that's on no problems or whenever my head hits a pillow. I sleep on the couch when I stay up so I don't disturb her. Or does everyone here have a cushy work life balance job where you only work 9 to 5 and don't need to be on the pc.

I'm creating a bitmap font right now and wanted to automatically generate a image with some text so I can track my progress how it looks. gnome-font-viewer displays it fine, but it'd nothing compared to some real text. Well, how hard can it be?

First attempt: Use ImageMagick to create an image and draw some text. I found a forum post in the ImageMagick forums from 2017 claiming incorrect rendering of BDF fonts, which was promised to be fixed. Yet convert does exactly nothing besides saying “couldn't read font”.

Looking around, there is exactly one tool for the job I'm looking to get done: pbmtext. It works, but doesn't support Unicode. Egh.

Maybe I could write a short script to do it, then? Python's Pillow can import Bitmap fonts (cairo can't). Halfway done I notice it can't deal with anything outside of the character range 0..256.

Using FreeFont directly is out of the question as that seems to be equally much work as creating the font in the first place. I briefly tried SDL, but the font formats it understands are limited.

So how about converting the font then, you ask? Everyone seems to be only concerned about the other way (like OTF to BDF). I tried loading the font into FontForge and exporting an OTF or TTF but couldn't get anything out of it that ImageMagick recognizes as a font.

It seems fucking impossible to render text to an image with an Unicode BDF font in some automated way.

To add insult to injury, my searches containing “bdf” are always interpreted as with “pdf”. I'm not even a Franconian, I can distinguish B and P!

0) I can be as socially withdrawn as possible without getting eyes and comments on being socially withdrawn. Going to a tea house with a laptop to code in a corner sipping Earl Grey is great without getting questioned.

1) I can make whatever the hell I want. I can do whatever the hell I want. I can automate whatever the hell I want. And then I can Humble Brag™ to everyone.

2) Because it's fun. I get to meet more folks I haven't met before through hubs like this and programmer Discord servers. And we can be nerdy together.

Edit: Also because I have a fecking pillow fort on my bed made for tucking in while coding. It feels gud in pillow fort. All of us needs a coding pillow fort.

I’m so done with people bruh. Getting friends an adult is literally just having pissing contests about status, money, and power. Like am I just supposed to sit there and really truly believe that something fucking POSITIVEEE will come out of my restraint instead of taking two hands and beating their face into a fucking bowl when they talk to me rude?!? “Like no I don’t mind at all how you mentioned your cool new house in that manner, I really hope it doesn’t burn down with your family inside :)” The amount of conceited, prideful, scumbag, asshole, penisbreath, pieces of raw shit that inhabit the earth makes me question my own validity for existing. 99.999% of people I would never want to marry, be friends with, or even really speak to - because you know what?!? - because why??!? - because it’s a waste of my own fucking time that’s why. I could think of a million things to do that would actually benefit us all instead of being entrapped in a useless fucking social experience with these fucks. Everyone is a obese fucking pillow princess, and I hope the only thing that they can eventually fuck is themselves. FUCK

So this guy says he’s afraid of Abe crazy guy killing him and so he’s dressing in a scary shirt for this reason so I say “yeah they’ll think twice before stabbing you in your sleep “

Then I went on to ask him whether he had a dream about a giant with penis with a human head jumping a pillow to the sound of muffled screams or a guy with a giant toad head staring at him lol

Staying late, like always. EXCEPT MY GOAT FUCKING, PILLOW IMPREGNATING PIECE OF SHIT PHONE DOESNT PLAY AUDIO ANYMORE! FUCK! Cant use headphones, can't blast it from the speakers, it is so quiet in the office, I actually hear the field cricket WALKING across the ground!

Working on a batch image editor in python as my most recent time killer project. Started out using PIL for py2. Port over to pillow on py3, and one of the core pillow functions exploded my computer.
It memory leaked and took every last kb of unused memory!

Guess Im stuck using py2

Anybody is having backache?
My pillow now is not for my neck but for my back. Oh wait but my neck does get hurt sometimes.. ಠ_ಠ

2 hours after resolving compatibility issues:

The following specifications were found to be in conflict:
- opencv==3.2.0 -> *[track_features=blas_openblas]
- opencv==3.2.0 -> harfbuzz=1.3 -> freetype[version='2.7|2.7.*'] -> libpng[version='>=1.6.22,<1.6.31']
- pillow==6.0.0

Well done for today. I'm going for a beer. Ah..almost forgot. Fuck you Anaconda and fuck you Python docs.

Lying and using pillow under my elbows while coding

Why we not happy in every situation?