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I know that my coworker can't write a single fucking operable line of code. So I wrote a script that is called everytime someone pushes new commits. If the commits contain the username of my coworker, create a ticket in YouTrack with the Label "Rewrite", and assign it to the files changed.
So I had that running for a longer time, and my dumbfuck of coworker hardcoded the credentials of the server in a networking library. One of the credentials was his username. He then updated the copyright on the whole project(which adds a copyright in the top of every file), also in the included librarys(!). The script had a check if the files are related to the project or just librarys. In the end, he pushed all of that with another account(in fact, a reporter account), which had another name(and didn't even belong him). So the files didn't belong to the project, the script sees his username anyways, the script assigns a rewrite, and in the end, everyone in the team thinks I'm mad because I(the script with my account) assigned a rewrite to a HUGE library.
PS: It was great fun to remove these copyright notices.8
User: "it stopped working"
Me: "ok. Could you be more specific?"
User: "it just closed"
Me: "could you give me the stacktrace/error message?"
User: "can't find it"
With a long conversation and some frustrating debugging it turned out that, ironically enough, the crash reporter crashed...2
update of after i got fired: after the fuck developers company llc was left with no developers, there was a girl there that i didn't mention earlier because as i said: the story is more complex. she came there with good intentions but after she knew the cruel nature of fuck and shit she became notoriously mad, we're still in contact with her so it's nice to hear from her some of the gags that happen there, one of which my really intelligent ex-boss the wordpress DEVELOPER himself told her to finish one of the projects i was working on, and a friend of mine who is infamous of his coding shenanigans left it in my hands before he left as well a couple of months prior (well he was fed up before us, and when i told him to stay with us he said "dude just listen to the motherfucker's voice, i can't do this anymore", my lovely ex-boss has this equally lovely screechy high pitched voice that caused me tinnitus), it's an asp.net project, uses web forms, and a lot of apis, the database is sql server, standard shit but there's no original creation script and i fucked up the only existing database which was in a local computer he used to like calling a SERVER, now to the point: this girl is not a developer, she was however working as a reporter?? kind of like jaspersoft the human or sap crystal woman and she claims that she's pretty good at it, and she's a genuinely good person who was dragged to hell just because she wanted to be close to her daddy (she was working in a different city with more than double the salary she's given now), but she's rich and her dada convinced her to come. she's currently learning java ee on her own so she'd probably leave in the next two months, in her resume she wrote that she know php, well i know php you know php we all know php (the syntax) kind of like mr. shit who passed the sololearn php CERTIFICATE and couldn't stop telling his boss and his boss a.k.a my ex-boss goes "sweet!". going back to the punchline of this rant: she told us that he came to her and asked her to finish the project with php.12
[Applies for RedHat OpenShift Beta on April]
this will be lit I said, since I was quite a bug reporter for Eclipse Che/Codenvy
[Took me until november to open up a ticket so they can take me in]
oooh shit this is lit
[Starts an Eclipse Che Workspace]
huh, why isn't it provisioning?
[inb4 OpenShift devs says its both a OSIO infra issue and a known bug in the OpenShift panel]
[Makes it work using workaround]
Woo this is gon-
[Haha no, Too Many tedirects for you]
Conclusion: Openshift.io is a lit platform, it just happened to be very VERY beta.
I like the kubernetes "pods" tho3
Reporter: We are now here reporting live from the native mobile app wilderness. As you can see in our captured footage, a developer is going rampage over some mobile UI components.
Native iOS: grrrr... I hate radio buttons!!!..grrr...dropdown lists, too! keep them away from me! I'm allergic to android and web controls, d*mn it! what kind of designer are you!?!
Reporter: That's it for today's devRant episode. Back to you, Steve.1
Today morning my sales manager calls me and tells there is a bug in one of the integration module and he tells the client has called us yesterday pls come early to office today and fix it. I asked which end point they have issue, he replies I don't know. I don't know what is the bug where is the bug, but there is a bug when they send data to us, pls find and fix it before 11 am. The worst part of this is that integration module I never worked on and the person who developed it has left the company long before and there is no documentation. when I go to that folder I see many controllers and many end points. now how will I figure out the issue 😂 I don't even know the work flow of that integration. the bug reporter (my sales manager) don't even know at what end point what issue happened.1
Get a ticket for a low priority bug, reported internally. Fix the issue mentioned in the bug.
Moves to QA environment, the original bug reporter tests and *passes* the ticket.
Moves to Staging environment, same exact individual then *fails* the testing. Cites totally new/unrelated changes that need to be made.
Apparently our the workflow is -
Makes sense! :)1
I literally just answered an issue by copying the lmgtfy.com link.
The reporter is a fellow programmer. Shouldn't that at least require some sort of knowledge about how to use Google?
Going back to a php project after writing loads of typescript on a node stack, I suddenly miss the instantanious feedback loop on file save via `nodemon` for basic scripts and `mocha --watch --reporter min` for tests.
Using phpunit, I currently have to rerun the test manually whenever I feel like. Which now feels so annoying. Cause I didn't know besser.
Now I was searching for something similar in php and I find answers pointing me to use either set up some npm hooks or set up gulp task or to use pywatch. phpstorm also is supposed to support file watchers and run test on every save, yet setting them up feels clunky.
So 90% of the Tech Support team is off today. So I decided to jump in to help the guys out:
Me: *solves issue
(one less ticket to solve)
Reporter: "thank you for your help!"
(re-opens the ticket)
Me: *recloses the ticket
Reporter: "thanks again"
Me: smashes head into desk
How am I supposed to get tickets solved when most of the open tickets are "thank you's"!
When a cute female developer attends an interview
@rutee07 I know you will like this cute reporter 😂6
I just love Windows apps on Mac OS lol, this morning MS Word hung for a long time, was completely unresponsive and then I had to 'force quit,' the thing.
Lo and behold, the MS crash reporter opened and it hung for a long time, was completely unresponsive and I had to 'force quit'. How the fuck do they even get through testing?6
When you start a new job, the company holds a costume party shortly after and you are persuaded to wear a reporter costume with a mic which looks like a vibrator more than a mic, but you play along to be a good sport
i usually assign the issue back to the reporter for "clarifications" and then work on a different module. 2 days later i get a response and can solve the problem faster.1
A reporter is in the middle of interviewing a grey alien from Zorpia:
Reporter: What kind of games do you like to play?
Alien: Civilization and Operation1
A news reporter asked Kobe how did he manage to maintain his performance being the best NBA player. Kobe replied and asked the reporter he know how does LA looks like at 4am.
Shit Kobe wakes up at 4am and go to training at court. Why I stay awake till 4am yet I'm a mediocre programmer lulz1
Any remote crash reporter for angular 7 apps u suggest guys ? I will go live soon with a web app and need to see stacktrace or whatever usable info if anything goes wrong.3