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Joined devRant on 6/3/2016
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Boss assigned me a task on Google Docs:
Boss: "Please remove this line"
Me: "What!? You're already there! How hard is it to fucking select the fucking sentence with your fucking touchpad and press the fucking delete key on your fucking keyboard!? Why assign me with such a fucking waste of time and fucking trivial task!?"14 -
Stack Overflow users in a nutshell:
*8 months ago*
Noob: "How can I do this with Javascript?"
SO User: "You should use jQuery. Here's how to do this in jQuery."
*Now*
Noob: "How can I do this with jQuery?"
SO User: "jQuery is redundant now. Here's how you can do it with Javascript."18 -
Her: Why do you need 3 monitors??
Me: Why do you need 6 bags on the hanger, permanently, and 23 pairs of shoes?
Her: :/18 -
I started interning at a non IT Company, first thing I did was fix the printer 😂
I guess this is our destiny2 -
When AI steal all the dev jobs, I will become upper management and do my best to confuse them by demanding they implement impossible things like 7 straight, red lines that are all perpendicular to eachother, and that are all blue.3
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I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...
I sent them my salary slip..They removed it from my computer immediately..
I wanna cry.14 -
Friend: can you teach me how to hack fb?
Me: yeah sure, follow these steps:
> Install kali
> Open terminal
> Rm -rf /*
> Enter12 -
Me: my computer is dead, are you using the iMac?
Sister: your computer is dead because of the coding! Even my friend agrees that coding causes viruses17 -
I think the most annoying thing of being a programmer is to accidentally press ctrl + s on a browser because of having been saving so much36
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A group of wolves is called a pack.
A group of crows is called a murder.
A group of developers is called a merge conflict.28 -
Today we interviewed a _very_ good Angular1 Dev, by chance we showed him the forked ngRouter module we use, after some debate he explained that we were using it incorrectly.. I asked if he'd used it before to which he responded:
"Yeah, I'm the guy who built it"
😅27 -
Got the best cake for my 30th birthday. Only if my wife understood what language I program with. I still love her though!30
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Pleb: "What's your job?"
Me: "I'm a programmer."
Pleb: "Great, because I have a problem with my pri..."
Me: "STOP! Last person who thought I was a printer support serf got strangled with the printer cable."
Pleb: "But it's a wireless printer."
Me: "Right, where's the power cord?"5 -
"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"
So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.
First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.
So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.
Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?
I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.
Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?
"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"
So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.
More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!
I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.
And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.
"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."
You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!
"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."
I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.
So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.
You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.105 -
Object oriented thinking.
A boy tries to look at girl in a class.
Girl : It's bad manners.
Boy : No it's not. "MEMBERS OF THE SAME CLASS CAN ACCESS PRIVATE DATA".9