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Search - "cannon"
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If programming languages where weapons...
1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.
2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.
3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it
4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.
5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.
6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.
7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.
8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.
9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.
10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.
11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.
12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.
13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.
14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.
15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom
All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com5 -
Whoever at Zoom decided that this button needed to be at this location on the Touch Bar ought to be fired.
Out of a cannon.
Into the sun.
Or at the very least doomed to have their desktop or webcam shared at random times during sensitive meetings. It is for the grace of God that the client didn’t catch me straining to hear the awful acoustics in their conference room.7 -
I noticed you can no longer uninstall Facebook apps from Samsung phones, only disable. Figured I would give 'disable' a try and see what it means. Apparently it means the icon will be gone but I will still get notifications, which I can click on the open the app. Whoever made this deal with Facebook should be fired from a mossy cannon using to much gunpowder.8
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So, these guys came to me at work, asking if I knew how the "Low Orbit Scanner" worked...
I said: "no, what's that?"
They said: "It's that tool used for DDoS attacks"
So I replied: "Oh you mean Low Orbit Ion Cannon"
them: "yea that, you know how it works?"
me: "ye, but what do you want to use it for?"
them: "just want to learn how it works"
me: "you download it, run it then fill out the things?"
them: "but I tried it and it doesn't take out the server I tried"
me: "Means your PC is to much of a filthy casual, buy a new one"
them: "can't you help us getting it more effective"
me: "yes, but I rather not end up in jail... I have a job and a clean document..."
The looks of their faces, love to see that disappointment of my colleagues when I say (or atleast hint): "go figure it out yourself"1 -
Holy FUck!!!? O.o
You know, they say the customer is always right.. So with us, if the customer wants to shot himself in the knee with a gun, we let them. Usually we even provide a fancy hugeAss cannon, so he can do it more efficiently.
/* not like we make stuff worse, but we prepare our SW for them to do crazy fucked up shit they insist on doing with it, even thought it's against common sense and our recommendations on how to implement XY feature.. */
So.. We usually go above and beyond with the 'not so nice but handy' cannon to do that..
And right now, I think I am on the verge of creating a superDuprHugeAtomicBomb /* figuratively speaking!! NSA go awy!! */ for the customer to killthemselves with!! O.o xD
Supper happy (until I discover more bugs, but it's not finished yet.. so hopefully no bugs at the end!!)
Caboom!undefined !rant||rant bugzincoming xd cannon funstuff gun customers noideawhati'mdoing nsa bomb poop4 -
I cant keep this inside anymore I have to rant!
I have a colleague that is an horrendous loose bug-cannon. Every peer-review is like a fight for the products life.
Now I understand - everyone makes bugs me included and it is a huge relief when someone finds them during peer-review. But these aren't the simple kind of bugs. The ones easily made when writing large pieces of code quickly. Typing = instead of == or a misshandling of a terminating character causing weird behaviour. These kinds of bugs rarely pass by a peer-review or are quickly found when a bug report is recieved from testers.
No the bugs my colleague makes are the bugs that completly destroy the logic flow of a whole module. The things that worst case cause crashes. Or are complete disasters trying to figure out what causes them if they are discovered first when the product reaches production!
Ironically he is amazing a peer reviewing other peoples code.
But do you know what the worst thing of all is! Most of the bugs he causes are because he has to "tidy up" and "refactor" every piece of code he touches. The actual bugfix might be a one liner but in the same commit he can still manage to conjure up 3 new bugs. He's like a bug wizard!
*frustrated Aruughhhh noises*9 -
Anyone into road bikes? What’s your ride?
My last ride was a custom-built Mayak fixed gear. Couple of facts about the geometry and the bike as a whole:
1. Even on 165mm cranks, the crank overlapped with the front wheel not by the pedal, but by the crank itself. Because it was a fixie, turning at a wrong moment could send you flying.
2. The stiffness was immeasurable. We’re talking Joe Biden at a kindergarten levels of stiff.
3. It was a rocket. You hop in, make two turns and boom, you’re half way across the street. When we raced with road bikes on urban endurance courses, they were WASTED by the end? Me though? Barely sweating.
This bike was a great metaphor for my personality. Awkward, unforgiving, rigid, chaotic, over the top, difficult, yet brilliant in a very narrow range of specific tasks. A true glass cannon.9 -
"you gotta get your nobility in check"
WHAT
THE FUCK
DOES THAT
EVEN
MEAN
dear supercar glass cannon brain, can you please be more direct in your fever dream revelations? or should I wait for two years again to get the meaning?21 -
I need to shoot some QAs out of a cannon. Not being trained in artillery ballistics, this is a challenge. Does any kind soul have suggestions for correct charge quantities, caliber, and trajectory projections? Thanks in advance.6
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Bootcamps get you up and running in coding quickly. If you are a programmer, companies are only interested on how quickly, error free and cheaply you produce marketable output. Bootcamps enable this.
More or less you are not more than a former assembly line worker putting parts on a car platform. Your value is not very high as you may be exchanged at any time at their will.
Nevertheless, you can earn money quickly. You trade in your youth and time which might be a dead end in the long-term. Trends go to machine learning, artificial intelligence. They will not need Bootcamp people and code workers.
It is better you set up Bootcamps and sell them versus absolving this. Like selling shovels during the gold rush, but not working in the mud of Alaska by yourself.
Your choice is: Making quick money, which fades anyway; or striving for the long-term future proof career.
C/S degrees from Technical Universities of reputation give to you the right direction under a strategic consideration. Companies which pay well, or freelancing with a solid acknowledged background, will always look for top graduates. People from Bootcamps are just OK for hammering assembly line coding. Even worse with SCRUM in one noisy room under enormous team server pressure controls, counting your lines of code per minute, with pale people all around. And groups of controllers never acknowledging nor trusting your work.
To acquire a serious degree, a Bachelor is nothing. Here, in INDIA, Bachelor now is what a former high school grade was. You must carry a diploma or Masters degree combined with internships at big companies with high brand recognition. This will require 4–6 years of your lifetime. You can support this financially by working part-time freelancing as making some projects front- or back-end web, data analysis and else.
Bootcamp people will lose in the long-term. They are the modern cannon fudder of software production.
It is your choice. Personally, I would never do Bootcamps. Quality and sustainability require time, deep studies and devotion. -
Stop in a middle of a project and come back a few months later. Decide to rewrite everything in latest flavor of JavaScript, then stop in the middle of rewrite. rinse and repeat... This is why I don't have an impressive portfolio yet.
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YGGG IM SO CLOSE I CAN ALMOST TASTE IT.
Register allocation pretty much done: you can still juggle registers manually if you want, but you don't have to -- declaring a variable and using it as operand instead of a register is implicitly telling the compiler to handle it for you.
Whats more, spilling to stack is done automatically, keeping track of whether a value is or isnt required so its only done when absolutely necessary. And variables are handled differently depending on wheter they are input, output, or both, so we can eliminate making redundant copies in some cases.
Its a thing of beauty, defenestrating the difficult aspects of assembly, while still writting pure assembly... well, for the most part. There's some C-like sugar that's just too convenient for me not to include.
(x,y)=*F arg0,argN. This piece of shit is the distillation of my very profound meditations on fuckerous thoughtlessness, so let me break it down:
- (x,y)=; fuck you in the ass I can return as many values as I want. You dont need the parens if theres only a single return.
- *F args; some may have thought I was dereferencing a pointer but Im calling F and passing it arguments; the asterisk indicates I want to jump to a symbol rather than read its address or the value stored at it.
To the virtual machine, this is three instructions:
- bind x,y; overwrite these values with Fs output.
- pass arg0,argN; setup the damn parameters.
- call F; you know this one, so perform the deed.
Everything else is generated; these are macro-instructions with some logic attached to them, and theres a step in the compilation dedicated to walking the stupid program for the seventh fucking time that handles the expansion and optimization.
So whats left? Ah shit, classes. Disinfect and open wide mother fucker we're doing OOP without a condom.
Now, obviously, we have to sanitize a lot of what OOP stands for. In general, you can consider every textbook shit, so much so that wiping your ass with their pages would defeat the point of wiping your ass.
Lets say, for simplicity, that every program is a data transform (see: computation) broken down into a multitude of classes that represent the layout and quantity of memory required at different steps, plus the operations performed on said memory.
That is most if not all of the paradigm's merit right there. Everything else that I thought to have found use for was in the end nothing but deranged ways of deriving one thing from another. Telling you I want the size of this worth of space is such an act, and is indeed useful; telling you I want to utilize this as base for that when this itself cannot be directly used is theoretically a poorly worded and overly verbose bitch slap.
Plainly, fucktoys and abstract classes are a mistake, autocorrect these fucking misspelled testicle sax.
None of the remaining deeper lore, or rather sleazy fanfiction, that forms the larger cannon of object oriented as taught by my colleagues makes sufficient sense at this level for me to even consider dumping a steaming fat shit down it's execrable throat, and so I will spare you bearing witness to the inevitable forced coprophagia.
This is what we're left with: structures and procedures. Easy as gobblin pie.
Any F taking pointer-to-struc as it's first argument that is declared within the same namespace can be fetched by an instance of the structure in question. The sugar: x ->* F arg0,argN
Where ->* stands for failed abortion. No, the arrow by itself means fetch me a symbol; the asterisk wants to jump there. So fetch and do. We make it work for all symbols just to be dicks about it.
Anyway, invoking anything like this passes the caller to the callee. If you use the name of the struc rather than a pointer, you get it as a string. Because fuck you, I like Perl.
What else is there to discuss? My mind seems blank, but it is truly blank.
Allocating multitudes of structures, with same or different types, should be done in one go whenever possible. I know I want to do this, and I know whichever way we settle for has to be intuitive, else this entire project has failed.
So my version of new always takes an argument, dont you just love slurping diarrhea. If zero it means call malloc for this one, else it's an address where this instance is to be stored.
What's the big idea? Only the topmost instance in any given hierarchy will trigger an allocation. My compiler could easily perform this analysis because I am unemployed.
So where do you want it on the stack on the heap yyou want to reutilize any piece of ass, where buttocks stands for some adequately sized space in memory -- entirely within the realm of possibility. Furthermore, evicting shit you don't need and replacing it with something else.
Let me tell you, I will give your every object an allocator if you give the chance. I will -- nevermind. This is not for your orifices, porridges, oranges, morpheousness.
Walruses.16 -
!rant
Rant from my previous work as a consultant Data Engineer (wish I had known this site back then).
During my stay at the place, we have a big client whose contact with us was an incompetent stressful fellow.
I single-handedly build a humongous automated data pipeline using Airflow. I am very proud of my baby as my first massive project and check it obsessively for every possible flaw, especially when writing down documentation for the poor soul that would take my place.
Luckily for me, everything is working as intended, until of course on my last day of work, shit hits the fan, and everything breaks down.
After a moment of initial panic: it was Thursday morning, we had a Machine Learning model to run over the weekend, predictions to make and reports to write and a very lovely next week deadline, I calm down.
"I won't be dealing with this shit anymore, starting from 18:00 PM and anyway Fear Is The Mind Killer."
Quite sure that it couldn't have been my code, I start looking at various logs when the culprit was clear. The B(ig) S(tupid) C(lient) changed the whole schema of the data he was feeding to us.
I call him: he has no idea of what was done to the data. Hell, at first he doesn't seem to remember what the deal with schema, data, and SQL is (the guy was supposed to be a big shot in the IT department). It turns out he hired one of our competitors to do his side of the collection pipeline. He tries to get mad at me, but everything he throws bounces back to him. I am calm yet ruthless pointing out how every major hiccup had been his fault and that I could quickly reach to his board of directors explaining why their Machine Learning model was late.
Result: he apologizes, extends our deadline, and I get a round of applause from other juniors who would have to deal with me had I failed.
Never am I happier to not work as an underpaid cannon fodder apprentice in a shitty consultant firm.
Luckily for me, everything is working as intended, until of course on my last day of work, shit hits the fan, and everything breaks down.
After a moment of initial panic: it was Thursday morning, we had a Machine Learning model to run over the weekend, predictions to make and reports to write and a very lovely next week deadline, I calm down.
"I won't be dealing with this shit anymore, starting from 18:00 PM and anyway Fear Is The Mind Killer."
Quite sure that it couldn't have been my code, I start looking at various logs when the culprit was clear. The B(ig) S(tupid) C(lient) changed the whole schema of the data he was feeding to us.
I call him: he has no idea of what was done to the data. Hell, at first he doesn't seem to remember what the deal with schema, data, and SQL is (the guy was supposed to be a big shot in the IT department). It turns out he hired one of our competitors to do his side of the collection pipeline. He tries to get mad at me, but everything he throws bounces back to him. I am calm yet ruthless pointing out how every major hiccup had been his fault and that I could quickly reach to his board of directors explaining why their Machine Learning model was late.
Result: he apologizes, extends our deadline, and I get a round of applause from other juniors who would have to deal with me had I failed.
Never am I happier to not work as an underpaid cannon fodder apprentice in a shitty consultant firm. -
In China now, cannon use gmail etc. Any specific way to get around it? If use VPN which one I should use?5
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LOL XCode....I think they meant "X"tra useless, resembling such as a bag of dicks without handles!!!!
Also, being fucking buried because there's aren't any devs anywhere to be found near me makes me extra cranky!
Ive been hammering away at this Flutter, Java, Swift, Python, and Google maps for just about 36 hours on 3.5 hrs sleep. I just can't stop, I fuckin love this shit!!!
Considering the fact that I'm self taught and just started writing code for real about 7 months ago, I'd say I'm handling this alright for now. Every bit of tech is getting shot out of a cannon at this one- maps, real time tracking, state level auth/Id verification, custom components like ID scans/native desktop applications on custom linux machines, body cams, SIP trunking... all in 3 apps which are 100% multi-platform and scaled up to high end enterprise levels and being groomed for national release. I'm writing the code and doing the tech for ALL of it- even down to custom painted barcode scanners, a wallet system built from scratch, GPS integration, location/geofence based document querying... holy fuck guys I'm gonna fuckin die haha!!!
I went from barely getting websites made in late summer to this very moment, where I am pumping shit out in Flutter, Dart, Python, CPP, Js, Swift, Java, Kotlin, Obj-C, SQL/noSQL, and who knows what else.
I don't even know what the hell I just said haha I hope everyone has a great day! -
commodore amiga 500, when I was 5 or 6.
what was the very first thing on it that i experienced, i don't know, but some things i remember:
Cannon Fodder 2
A-Train, a game that i played for months, it utterly fascinated me and i was utterly unable to keep my company afloat, because i was utterly unable to understand how the mechanics of the materials moving around worked (i still don't, actually, but in a different way)
some Apache simulator, which took us (me and father) literally a week to figure out how to get into the actual game from the main menu stylised as a military office. it took us several days to even realize it's the menu.
the Lotus Esprit 2 game, which we played regularly.
some Airbus simulator where i took two weeks of trial and error to figure out how to take off, without manual.
some experiments with midi sequencing and notation music programs.
how every two months, dad came with a 20page long list of programs and games from some pirate seller, which we would go through, mark stuff that sounded interesting (going by name only), then he would send it by post to him, and after a week, we would go take a package from post office full of floppies, literally like 200, and the next two or three weeks, we would be trying all of it out, seeing what the things we got were about, putting the good ones on one pile, the boring ones on another (cheap floppies for use)...
ah the magical times of wonder and exploration...2