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Search - "never gonna happen"
Holy fucking shit.
Why do people always expect you to know absolutely everything the second they ask?!
PM: "Yes yes of course we can do that!!! We've done it a million times, we do it for breakfast HAHAHAHAHA"
ME: "Well not really, we've never implemented a solution like that one, its gonna take some time to figure it out"
PM: "HAAAAHAHAHA HE'S SOO FUNNYY LMAOFUDKSJ DONT WORRY WELL HAVE IT READY FOR TOMMORROW :P".
Holy fuuuck I understand you wanna make the sell but you need to give the costumer a realistic look at things, at least give a reasonable deadline for what he's asking! FFS ASK ME HOW COMPLICATED ARE THE THINGS HES ASKING FOR BEFORE TELLING HIM WHEN THEY'RE GONNA BE READY! MAKE A FUCKING ESTIMATE, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM!
Oh and this rant is gonna happen, dont care if I get fired.This needs to change.3
An intern I was supposed to lead (as an intern) and work with. Which sounded kinda crazy to me, but also fun so I rolled with it. But when I met her I quickly found out she didn't even have a coding editor installed and when I advised one she was "scared of virusses". She had Microsoft Edge in her toolbar, and some picture of a cat as a background. We were given some project by our boss, and a freelance programmer helped us set it up on Trello. Great, lets start! Oke maybe first some R&D, she had to reaeach how to use the Twilio API. After catching her on WhatsApp a few times I realised this wasnt gonna go anywere. After a few weeks of coding and posting a initial project to git I asked her if she could show me the code of the API she made so far..
She told me she was using the quickstart guide (the last 3 FUCKING weeks) which contained some test project with specific use cases.
The one that I did 3 weeks ago that same fucking morning.
AND SHE WAS STILL NOT DONE...
A few days later I asked her about the progress (strangly, I wasn't allowed ti give her another task bcs the freelanc already did) and guess what... She got fking pissed at me
Her: "I will come to you when im done, ok?"
Me: "I just want to see how it is going so far and if you are running into any problems!"
Her: "I dont want to show you right now"
She then goes to my fucking boss to tell him I am bothering her.
And omg... Please dear god please kill me now...
Instead of him saying the she probably didn't do shit. He says to me that the girl thinks im looking down on her and she needs a stress free environment to work in. She will show me when its done. ITS A FUCKING QUICKSTART GUIDE YOU DUMB BITCH.
He then procceeded to whine to me about the email template (another project I do at the same time) which didn't look perfect in all of his clients.
Dont they understand that I am not a frontend developer? Can you stop please? I know nothing about email templates, I told you this!!!
Really... the whole fucking internship the only thing the girl did was ask people if they want more tea. Then she starts cleaning the windows, talk to people for an hour, or clean everyone's dask.
all this while I already made 50% of the fucking product and she just finished the quickstart tutorial 😭. Truly 2 months wasted, and the worse thing is I didn't get any apprication. They constantly blamed me and whined at me. Sometimes for being 3 minutes late, the other for smoking too much, or because I drink to much coffee, or that I dont eat healthy. They even forced me to play Ping Pong. While im just trying to do my job. One of the worst things they got mad at me for if when my laptop got hacked bcs it was infected with some virus. He had remote access and bought 5 iPhones 6's with my paypal while I was on break. I had to go home and quickly reset all my passwords and make sure the iPhones wouldnt get delivered. strange this was, this laptop I only used at the company. So it must have been software I had to download there. Probably phpstorm (torrent). Bcs nobody would give me a license. And the freelancer said I * have to *.
the monday after I still had to reinstall windows so I called them and said I would be late. when I came they were so disrepectfull and didn't understand anything. It went a little like this:
Boss: why u late?
Me: had to reinstall my laptop, sorry.
Boss: why didnt you do this in your own time?
Me: well, I didn't have any time.
Boss: cant you do this in the weekend or something? Because now we have to pay you several hours bcs you downloaded something at home.
Me: I am only using this laptop for work so thats not possible.
Boss: how can that even be possible? You are not doing anything at home with your laptop? Is that why you never do anything at home?
Me: uhm, I have desktop computer you know. Its much faster. And I also need to rest sometimes. Areeb (freelancer) told me to torrent the software. He gave me the link. 2 days later this happends
Boss: Ahh okeee I see.. Well dont let it happen again.
After that nobody at the compamy trusted me with anything computer related. Yes it was my own fault I downloaded a virus but it can happen to anyone. After that I never used Windows again btw, also no more auto login apps.8
Recruiter: Why makes you leave a company?
Me: When the company don't appreciate their employees, when I have to develop a small system for them and they never use it. when they try to give me the calm down needle.
Recruiter: what is the calm down needle?
Me: It's when I come with an issue i am facing and you tell me you will fix it, and promise me its gonna happen and never do it.
Me: "Keep Talking" When you promise some employee and you are not able to deliver your promise .. well, Its just better if you didn't promise him!
Recruiter: Ok, "next question"
Damn I feel like I was so mad and my answer were straight forward with no bullshit. I think I scared her.
Never gonna happen:
* Port our API to graphql. Or even make it just vaguely rest-compliant. Or even just vaguely consistent.
* Migrate from mysql to postgres. Or any sane database.
* Switch codebase from PHP to... well, anything else.
* Teach coworkers to not commit passwords, API keys, etc.
* Teach coworkers to write serious commit messages instead of emoji spam
* Get a silent work environment.
* Get my office to serve better snacks than fermented quinoa spinach bars and raw goat milk kale smoothies
* Find an open source IDE with good framework magic support. Jetbrains, I'll give you my left testicle if you join the light side of the force.
* Buy 2x3 equally sized displays. I'm using 6, but they're various sizes/resolutions.
* Master Rust.
* Finish building my house. I completely replaced the roof, but still have to dig out a cellar (to hide my dead coworkers).
* Repair/replace the foundation of my house (I think Rust is easier)
* Get slim and muscular.
* Get a comfortable salary increase, focus more on platform infrastructure, data design, coaching
* Get fat(ter). Eating, sitting, gaming, coding and sleeping are my hobbies after all.
* Save up for the inevitable mental breakdown-induced retirement.10
Boss comes to me with an idea, we use a spreadsheet to store certain sets of links for clients, sometimes with dozens of links, he wants us to be able to push a button and open all the links in the sheet. I'll admit I'm not exactly proficient in excel but said I'd look into it.
I came up with a macro which seemed to work for a while but there were a few links now and then that didn't want to open due to the way excel apparently checks the links prior to actually opening them. I told my boss that I'd look into a better solution but was slammed in office with scheduled projects.
I ended up taking time at home over the next week learning how to make this happen in Python. After a week I've got a CLI Python app which takes in an excel workbook and asks the user to select a sheet. Well employees don't like CLI so they asked for a GUI. I had never made anything with a GUI before since I'm not a software developer, anything I had previously written was written for me so it didn't need a GUI to be useful.
Spent another two weeks at home developing this thing and finally got a working solution. Now several employees are using my app as part of their daily job, saving them well over an hour of just clicking links in a spreadsheet.
Boss goes on a long rant about how he appreciates me and is thankful I was able to figure this out in my own time and save him money. So I say "If you really wanna show you appreciate me, you could approve that raise I've been asking for."
He replies, "Haha, yeah, but that's not gonna happen."
(I and THE back end developer, and I make less than the copywriting interns, time to start looking)12
1) Starts a company that builds cloud systems
2) Takes a bunch of jobs and thought you'll be happy for a while
3) IoT era smashes in your face
4) 72% of your existing clients ask for IoT revamp
5) With a lot of hacking you made a small portion of the projects possible with some Raspberry Pis
6) Client bought a bunch of arbitrary parts from Shenzhen and now you have to deal with kernel overlays and shits that you didn't even heard of
7) Made it work for the second time and told yourself it'll never happen again
8) Last customer happy so they tell a bunch of friends and now they're asking for more
9) Stares into void, wondering how you gonna end this nightmare5
Friend: you really should give Windows another chance, it's really not that bad.
Me: are you in possession of the only Windows computer that doesn't blue screen whenever there's a strong breeze outside?
Friend: No ... That does happen every now and then.
Me: So what's great about it then?
Friend: Look at this cool wallpaper, it's a slideshow of pictures of my kids.
Me: ... stop talking to me immediately ... and sit over there.16
My routine lately :
* Opens devrant*
* Sees loads of posts of developers mentioning their girlfriends or wives*
* Looks around the empty room *
* Gets sad and dies a little.*
* Get back to coding hoping of getting a girlfriend after finishing this project( never gonna happen) *
++ If you ever felt the same.6
1. YouTube has share and report in the most annoying places. Everytime I drop my phone (occasionally on my nose, but let's not talk about that...) I accidentally report a video or share it through email with someone I haven't talked to in like 10 years.
So kinda say, if there was an alternative for YouTube app, that would also cut the ad bullshit (seriously, start of every damn song which I don't even know if I'm gonna listen to the whole thing or nah, so like I have to sit through 10 ads for 10 videos, each of which I only listen to less than 10 seconds... This ad-model is bullshit. 😒😒) it's about time you link me that app, which is probs made by Jesus cuz it'd be saving me life.
2. I did some maths today...
That's it. I did maths.
Go home now.
Kidding, I didn't do maths. Anxiety is killing me softly; I kinda don't have the brain for it; all my side projects are hanging from my laptops by a tread; cuz every time. I try to really focus on something, all the other shit and fear of all possible events that "may" happen in future clutters my mind and I literally get so overwhelmed that it gets hard to breathe... (if you start giving me bullshit ideas right now about how I can calm down, I'm not gonna punch you; I'll find your favorite pet and go punch that. 😛)
Like, proj man 101: risk management 101:
1. Identify risks...
And that's where I'm stuck now. I can't identify all the risks. My brain says "withdraw" cuz the risks are many and not all are avoidable or manageable, but my heart is a flamboyant gay teenager in the pride march: yelling "let's go bitches" and waving a flag as it does catwalk through the crowd in the middle of the fucking street.
... Anyhow. I'm tired. Imma go back to sleep.
I sleep in a weird way these days; I sleep in episodes. Every night, I go through one season. I take a break and wake up after a few episodes, remembering only the last part of that episode. It's like before going back to sleep again, I go through "previously, on The Fucked Up Nightmares on Shitz Street".
And imma tell you the last one, in case you don't believe me:
I was in the Whitehouse (which, I've never been to, btw. All news these days is filled with Trump, so I know where this part came from) and I was in charge 🤔, we were in a warehouse or something there, then someone was joking and set something on fire like a blanket or something, I tried to take it away and I took it to the yard/garden and throw it away... On a mattress which then caught fire and they were cleaning the warehouse so shit was out in the garden... Yeah, some garage sale shit in the freaking Whitehouse. 😐 and then, my uncle (or someone who awfully looked like a young version of him) just threw some... Liquid... Which wasn't water (maybs it was vinegar?) on the fire and it ended. Then I went back into the warehouse to take a look at what wasn't burnt and inside the warehouse looked like a makeup store 🤔 and then I saw bats flying out of there and a baby bat latched onto my finger and I was shaking my hand violently to get it off (It's lion shaped face was scary, not gonna lie) and as it fell off, I woke up.
P.S. Sorry for typos. Can't proof read. Too sleepy.11
Work it harder, make it better
Do it faster, makes us stronger
More than ever, hour after hour
Work is never over
Oh the rant? This is gonna be a long one, and that was one of the lyric that stuck in my head for the past 3 days, Alive live album 2007 was glorious,
TL/DR, note to self, ALWAYS ask for documentation, and written evidence of any task & stories before start anything next time,
To start, death march was over, my team and I got some downtime(less work) for the past week, some of the guys were still busy with their respective stories (bugs, etc) but all in all it was not as much load as the past month before that,
It was peaceful and quiet, I was working bugs, some enhancement here, some enhancement there, it was nice for a change, until
One of the PO came by, asking if there's any spare dev, my team's tech lead suggests me as it's gonna be a front end work on web, good old HTML and CSS, and it's supposed be a task, not a story, I thought it's gonna be nice for a change, so I agree, the PO took me to the lead developer in charge,
Both of them briefed me, it's gonna happen in the apps (it's web alright, but in React Native, so no HTML and CSS for me), i was tasked to create 2 forms, and connect it with the microservice, "okay" I thought to myself,
Me: "Do we have the design for this?"
TL: "no but someone already made similar page you can either reuse it, copy paste it, whatever"
Me: *my bullshit senses are tingling, "that's one, what about the second"
PO: "I think the other team already made similar one too, lemme check, ah here it is, if it's all good I'll make the story for this"
TL: "okay, so there's that, can you start right away?"
Me: *tingling intensifies, "wait what about the flow"
TL: "it's simple, I will do this then it takes to your page, then this and that and that, and you do this and should be done, the MS is all there you just need to make the front end and connect it with MS, good?"
Me *hmmm intensifies, "ok let me check the available component first and see what I can do"
TL: "great, can you finish it by tonight?"
Me: *what the fuck intensifies further, it's fucking 6 PM, "nope, I don't think so, there's always complications when handling forms, not to mention copy pasting stuff"
TL: "it's ok, at least finish one by tonight"
Me: "..., we'll see"
Trying to reuse the form for the first page is no good, I had to duplicate the components, first one is working fine, the second template is almost done,
TL: "dude how's it going? It's been a whole day"
Me: "first one's finished, second's underway"
TL: "can it be don.."
Me: "today? Nope"
TL: "dood, is it done yet? It's been two days, what's left on the progress?"
Me: *for fuck's sake, "I just need to figure out how to connect between the first and the second and it's done
TL: "okay cool"
[different PO came by]
PO #2: "hey, hi, sorry, what's the progress on this?"
Me: "uhh hi, just need some unit test and it should be good for PR"
PO #2: "cool, keep me posted"
I finished, about to put a PR, I need the story ticket, I asked the PO and the TL
PO #2 gave me the ticket for the backend work which the TL is working on, no mentions or specs for th front end
TL gave me a ticket which was just created shortly the moment after I asked for it, only title and no description
Me: *shit, this will be interesting
Sure enough, the tester who is doing smoke test on my branch threw a fit, where's the spec, where's the design, where's everything, how is it supposed to work, the flow, the typecheck, translations, etc
The news came to be heard by the design & product team, and they came by, apparently no one knows what the front end was supposed to do, all everyone know is just the back end part,
In the end, it goes apeshit, everyone are confused, everyone have different understanding of the story, but at least what I've done doesn't went to ashes, after explaining everything to the design team, they decided that let it be, but there's might be some minor changes on the layout,
And then I began to understand why this TL and PO #1 had somewhat bad rap, while I was stuck with PO #2 trying to explain the relation between my task and the backend user story,1
Alright sit down boys this is gonna be a good tale (also a long one).
I'm currently developing a wordpress site for a Client. Everythings works well enough, I had a few "wtf is this shit" moments. Now we decided to give him access to the wp site so that he can see and change (I know, I know don't judge me pls), so I set up tunneling with ngrok, but that PIECE OF SHIT WP DIDN'T WORK ANYMORE. You asking why? Oh I'm telling you why, wp uses ONLY absolute paths. Well fuck, I ain't gonna touch that piece of shit php code, so I installed a plugin and shit was working.
In short, after a few fucking HOURS that shit finally worked. Well that would be a great fucking end for our little tale right? Yeeeeaaah no, I shit you not, it gets even better!
After a few days my client gets back at me that he can't enter fucking wp-admin to work on the text an stuff (again pls don't judge me for granting him access to the backend of wp during development). So I checked it out and that piece of shit didn't work. If anyone would happen to know why, I would be grateful bc for the love of spagetti monster I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!
So I said to myself well fuck this shit and put it on a webhoster. Uploaded all the files, and migrated the db. Sounds like it finally worked right? Well guess again buddy. So I needed to go to the database, updated values manually for wp to have the correct url and then still needed to force it to refresh every fucking link.
As it finally works now, this tale is also finished then and I really hope that part 2 is never ever comming!
Sorry for the (somewhat) long rant but this is some next generation bullshit.
Should I be myself? A tougher question than is seems.
I’ve had major struggles, faced and conquered death, travelled the world, and live with highly functioning Aspergers and much more. Not boasting, just laying the background info.
With all of this it has led me understand, on a fundamental level, difficult truths that most people only understand upon death (if ever at all).
These lessons have had an unspeakable positive impact on my life and the way I approach things.
The problem seems to be that many of these truths are non-transferable, and that the process of even mentioning them makes most people uncomfortable.
I understand though, that the best truths in life are ALWAYS uncomfortable, and that there is great value in this for those who choose to accept it.
But should I risk putting these views into the world in a recorded manner?
This is something I struggle with all the time.
Currently, I do not use social media often (devRant excluded) because it is a cancer. Even when FB came out in high school I knew (without having the words to express it) that it was dangerous and cancerous to real life.
But it is such a powerful tool that it cannot be ignored.
For example. I moved across the country without a job, away from everyone I ever knew, to pursue the goal of starting my own software businesses.
The responses I got to this included...
“Won’t you miss you family and friends?”
“Why don’t you save for a while and go then?”
“Why don’t you look for a job and leave when you get one?”
“Aren’t you afraid of being alone?”
Most these seem like legitimate questions, and because I cared about these people I treated them as legitimate.
But my real opinion is that every one of those questions is based on either weakness, fear or stupidity.
- Of course I will miss my family and friends, why try to guilt me into sacrificing life for this!
- Why not wait for “the right time”, because the right time never comes. That is an excuse for failures to continue failing.
- Why not wait to get a job? Because that won’t happen if your not there! It’s just a fact, get over it!
- You are alone! You can try to fill your life with people and crap but in the end you are born and die alone! I’ve been dead and know this like I know the sun will rise.
But you see all of that above, for most people that stuff hurts. It seems insensitive and cruel.
It hurts because it is true.
That’s just a small sample of things.
The larger question still stand...
Should I be myself?
I really don’t know the answer and don’t expect one to come. Maybe someday I will find a way to do this.
For now I will continue to be what people expect me to be.
To end this I am gonna quote the rapper Pusha T and his new album...
“Remember Will Smith won the first Grammy?”
“And they ain’t even recognize Hova until Annie”
“So I don’t tap dance for the crackers and sing Mammy”
Maybe some day I will be able to stop tap dancing...
I get it, RedHat support is a must for some companies. However, this ten year supported bullshit allows companies to never upgrade. 2.8 kernel ... Don't even tell me all the good stuff is backported!
I've only just got the hang of Systemd and now I need to remember SystemV again!
Oh yeah, and remembering if it's `servicename start` or `start servicename` is just never gonna happen
A long time ago you sent me an email with the subject 'I love you', I then got so excited that I forwarded the letter to all my contacts, and they forwarded it too.. I can't describe the words for the feelings I had back then for you. I felt into love with you, really. But there were always troubling moments for me.
For example when 'Code Red' showed up and found your backdoor. Man I was pissed at that time. I didn't know what to do next. But things settled, and we found each other again.
And then that other time when this girl named 'Melissa' was sending me some passwords to pr0n sites, I couldn't resist. She was really awesome, but you know, deep in my heart that was not what I wanted. I somehow managed to go back to you and say sorry. We even moved together in our first flat, and later in our own house. That was a really good time, I love to think back at those moments.
Then my friend 'Sasser' came over to us one night, do you remember how he claimed that big shelf in our living room, and overflooded it with his own stuff, so that we haven't a clue we are reading yet offshelve? Wow that was a disturbing experience.
But a really hard time has come when our dog 'Zeus' got kicked by this ugly trojan horse. I really don't want go into details how the mess looked like after we discovered him on our floor. Still, I am very sorry for him that he didn't survived it :(
Some months later this guy named 'Conficker' showed up one day. I shitted my pants when I discovered that he guessed my password on my computer and got access to all my private stuff on it. He even tried to find some network shares of us with our photos on it. God, I was happy that he didn't got access to the pics we stored there. Never thought that our homemade photos are not secure there.
We lived our lives together, we were happy until that day when you started the war. 'Stuxnet..'! you cried directly in my face, 'you are gonna blow up our centrifuges of our life', and yeah she was right. I was in a real bad mood that days back then. I even not tried to hide my anger. But really, I don't know why all this could happen. All I know is, that it started with that cool USB stick I found on the stairs of our house. After that I don't remember anything, as it is just erased from my memory.
The years were passing. And I say the truth here, we were not able to manage the mess of our relationship. But I still loved you when you opened me that you will leave. My 'Heartbleed' started immediately, you stabbed it where it causes the most pain, where I thought that my keys to your heart are secured. But no, you stabbed even harder.
Because not long after that you even encrypted our private photos on our NAS, and now I am really finished, no memory which can be refreshed with a look at our pictures, and you even want my money. I really 'WannaCry' now...
Had this idea for a while already in my mind:
Redesign whole php language in a right way and implement it in golang as compiled language with possibility to interpolate with golang itself.
Though, no interpolation with php itself, just a language easy to migrate for php devs to.
Probably never gonna happen, but I like to dream7