My boss typed up a GitLab ticket that looked like it took at least an hour to make. Screenshots, diagrams, how to reproduce the bug, dreams, hopes, desires, dinner recipes, marriage advice, how to diversify a portfolio. Honestly, the whole 9 yards.

The bug fix was changing a SQL Inner Join to a Left Join. 10 seconds.

Watching a cookery program and it made me think it must be hard being a chef.

Then it made me think that being a web developer is a bit like cooking.

You have your ready meal equivalent with WordPress and Wix.

You have your cook at home kits with front-end frameworks like bootstrap and foundation.

You have your recipes and ingredients with package managers like npm and JavaScript modules.

Then you have your own home made cooking using vanilla js, CSS and HTML made to your own liking.

Just like being a good chef, being a good web developer is about knowing what ingredients and methods to include, but also what to leave out, to get the best result!

Why are Americans so stupid?

Date format: MM/dd/YY => what is this? It‘s not even in order

Length Units: Inch, Feet, Yard, Mile => good luck trying to convert in in a hurry without a calculator

Cooking recipes: cups, tablespoons, pinches => land of the freedom, especially for measurement errors

Temperature: Fahrenheit. => some dude who thought, „oh this is really hot, lets mark it 100“ and the other day „oh this is really cold, I got the 0 mark, sciene“

Weight: ounces ~ 28.34952 g, ton ~ maybe 907.xx kg, it depends

Time: Americans think the week starts on sunday, so they assume it does so for everyone else (f*** you american developer, designer, I mean you)

Football is football. Everywhere. In. The. World.

Politics: Trump, Weapons, health system, worker rights, ...

God, I hate America and their bs.

> In office for first time in awhile
> Run into group of 4 people I don’t recognize in far cubicle corning laughing in hushed voices eating of an impressive spread of food
> See me and immediately look at each other with panicked expressions
> Confused, I put my hands up to indicate I come in peace
> They relax a little and say they thought I was from HR since they didn’t recognize me
> Ask why HR seeing them would be such a big deal
> They say their potluck is not “sanctioned”
> …?

So apparently HR just could resist ruining one of the only good things about coming into the office and one of the coolest things about the company’s culture. At least once a month there would be a giant potluck where everyone would bring some home cooked dish and share it. I can’t tell you how amazing these are in Canada, 50+ plates of authentic food from all over the world.

Unfortunately HR didn’t agree as 1. They didn’t cook so felt bad taking food. 2. Nobody asked them permission to put on these events they just happened organically. 3. Some people were bringing in food that they felt was culturally inappropriate (ie. caucasian guy bringing in homemade sushi).

HR recently banned all “unsanctioned” potlucks and all future potlucks needed to be approved through them with the following stipulations. 1. You could participate without bringing something by donating to HR $10 2. If you brought something you still had to give HR $10. 3. Things you brought in had to be approved by HR

Naturally the first and only potluck under these rules only 4 people brought something in as many couldn’t get their dishes approved because HR didn’t like what they were planning to bring (started out as being because culture and turned into HR just being picky), most just brought $10 so there wasn’t enough food to go around and so after HR took a giant group photo to post on the company’s social media accounts to show off how good the company’s culture is most everyone had to go out for lunch. HR sent out an email later that day exclaiming what a huge success for charity and the company brand the potluck was and they can’t wait for the next one. (I have the HR communications email marked as spam so I never saw the email). Nobody ever organized a sanctioned potluck after that.

However people still missed cooking and sharing their favourite recipes with one another so potlucks still occur but they are now very small, secret, invite-only, hush-hush affairs.

…What in the ever loving fuck

These Google/FB/etc algorithms almost know what I like. Almost. And that makes it even more infuriating...

"10 banana smoothie recipes Elon Musk would like!"
"Become a Senior Java developer in one week!"
"Read this article from a non technical journalist about the technology behind bitcoin!"
"10 tips from muscled Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos for Gym workouts!"

All of this feels like receiving a blowjob while still wearing pants.

Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?

Life of Boris, a youtube chanel of a slav guy that makes random stuff (and some delicious russian recipes 😋) uploaded this video few hours ago.

I watched it, and I didn’t expect the video to be an actual Python tutorial 😂 I loved it!

What do you think?

P.D. I hope this is not necessary, but I remind you that Life of Boris is not a programming channel, please don’t be too strict, it’s just entretainment

I met my girlfriend via online dating and she is often checking out recipes on social media, so I came up with the idea to combine cooking and Tinder as a tiny side project.

I built an app that lets you swipe recipes to add them to your cookbook and called it "Daily Cook" and it is available on both Android and iOS. :)

Last year we were given an app to patch that was completely in Arabic (including the documentation). We had a tight deadline to get the app fixed so we paid for a big company to translate the Word document we'd be given.

After 2 weeks we were given the translated documentation only to find it was select recipes from an Egyptian cooking book.

> Open private browsing on Firefox on my Debian laptop
> Find ML Google course and decided to start learning in advance (AI and ML are topics for next semester)
**Phone notifications: YouTube suggests Machine Learning recipes #1 from Google**
> Not even logged in on laptop
> Not even chrome
> Not even history enabled
> Not fucking even windows
😒😒😒
The lack of privacy is fucking infuriating!
....
> Added video to watched latter
I now hate myself for bitting

Is this the new trend I heard some of you talking about? Sharing recipes through code.

Before new years eve I prepared a sheet on google sheets that allowed people to add drink recipes and order drinks (specify how many of each drink they want), calculated part of budget each person had to cover and generated shopping list of drink components with exact amounts needed.
It was more fun to make that thing than to attend the party.

I don't want a personal assitant who helps me to google. I don't need a program that writes text for me. I don't need an AI wich invents cooking recipes. Or discovers new music for me. Or plays my virtual girlfriend. All of this is shit. It's giving away the parts of life which are actually fun.

I need a robot that cleans up my fucking flat, clean the fucking dishes, and buys fucking grocerys while being cheaper and socially and environmentally better that paying some humans.

Refactoring! Refactoring! REFACTORING!

This is one of “those desk books” that you gotta have imo. Personally I love giving names to categories of things, helps us better recognize patterns if we can classify them.

Software can always be improved, this book give you a good majority of the most common refactorings it’s like a recipe book almost.. shows you the code smell... give you the detailed recipes to fix it. Great to have in code reviews.

Doesn’t matter that this book is in JavaScript the concepts and ideas are the big pictures in this book.

Classic “one of those” books.

So I am currently making an app for a retail franchise and that retail franchise is getting a website done by a company. Since the recipes that the guys want are going to be on the website, the web dev company made a mysql db that has all the recipes.

I thought since the people at the head of the retail franchise have spent time gathering these recipes, I'll just get the data for the app from the db.

I called the project manager for the website up (That's the only contact I got) and asked if they could given me access to the db to use for the app or if I could make a script that would get data from it.

Now this is the part where I tell you I'm only 14 years old and these guys know that because of the head of the retail company.

He puts it on speaker and asks me to say it again and I hear quite a bit of people laughing. I knew what was happening. He asks do you know anything about databases, I explained to him what a db was and how I was going to get the data from it and etc. Half way through me telling him that it would be beneficial for both me and the retail guys, he hung up the call and blocked me.

I asked the head of the retail company if he could ask them about it and he said that he didn't know much about tech so he couldn't ask and if I could find an alternative option.

You might be thinking that the company didn't want to give me permission to access the db which is respectable but they have done this previously as well.
I gave them advice on putting a rewards card feature on the site so the customers could track their points on the site as well as on the app and the PM said "We don't want advice from you."

It has now been 3 weeks on and off because of school where I had to code a ui for the lady at the company to enter all her recipes for the app and waste a lot of time communicating with different people to get all the data.

I hate being disrespected because of my inexperience when I can truly do some extraordinary things with software. 😡😤😣

Its also very hard to find a job being 14.

Can you guys list some of your favorite recipes in the comments?

Trying to find new food to cook, because I'm tired of making the same like 7 meals and that's it lol

If it doesn't have a meat, it's probably not for me, btw. But I will be open to trying things

Fuck it's terrifying when your in the beginnings of starting your own business...

So much shit to do and so much paperwork to file .-.

(Starting a business selling food goods like flavoured salts and oils amongst personal recipes and in a constant state of silent screaming :-3)

So instead of drinking shit like Pepsi Max while coding on a weekend, and since it's so hot lately, I thought I'd buy a blender and some fruits and make frozen fruit drinks.

After unpacking the blender, I notice a booklet with a few recipes.

All I can say, is, ":/".

I'm thinking about making a frozen watermelon and peach drink right now. What do you guys like to drink when it's really hot (besides coffee)?

So. Here's a cooking thread.

Please behave nicely, get ya favorite recipes out or your "my brain is melting and I randomly chop sueyed hot cooked this stuff together and it was awesome" creations.

Here comes lots of random pieces of advice...

Ain't no shortcuts.

Be prepared, becoming a good programmer (there are lots of shitty programmers, not so many good ones) takes lots of pain, frustration, and failure. It's going to suck for awhile. There will be false starts. At some point you will question whether you are cut out for it or not. Embrace the struggle -- if you aren't failing, you aren't learning.

Remember that in 2021 being a programmer is just as much (maybe even moreso) about picking up new things on the fly as it is about your crystalized knowledge. I don't want someone who has all the core features of some language memorized, I want someone who can learn new things quickly. Everything is open book all the time. I have to look up pretty basic stuff all the time, it's just that it takes me like twelve seconds to look it up and digest it.

Build, build, build, build, build. At least while you are learning, you should always be working on a project. Don't worry about how big the project is, small is fine.

Remember that programming is a tool, not the end goal in and of itself. Nobody gives a shit how good a carpenter is at using some specialized saw, they care about what the carpenter can build with that specialized saw.

Plan your build. This is a VERY important part of the process that newer devs/programmers like to skip. You are always free to change the plan, but you should have a plan going on. Don't store your plan in your head. If you plan exists only in your head you are doing it wrong. Write that shit down! If you create a solid development process, the cognitive overhead for any project goes way down.

Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others, especially to the experts you are learning from. They are good because they have done the thing that you are struggling with at least a thousand times.

Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself today to yourself yesterday. This will make it seem like you haven't learned anything and aren't on the move. Compare yourself to yourself last week, last month, last year.

Have experienced programmers review your code. Don't be afraid to ask, most of us really really enjoy this (if it makes you feel any better about the "inconvenience", it will take a mid-level waaaaay less time to review your code that it took for you to write it, and a senior dev even less time than that). You will hate it, it will suck having someone seem like they are just ripping your code apart, but it will make you so much better so much faster than just relying on your own internal knowledge.

When you start to be able to put the pieces together, stay humble. I've seen countless devs with a year of experience start to get a big head and talk like they know shit. Don't keep your mouth closed, but as a newer dev if you are talking noise instead of asking questions there is no way I will think you are ready to have the Jr./Associate/Whatever removed from your title.

Don't ever. Ever. Ever. Criticize someone else's preferred tools. Tooling is so far down the list of what makes a good programmer. This is another thing newer devs have a tendency to do, thinking that their tool chain is the only way to do it. Definitely recommend to people alternatives to check out. A senior dev using Notepad++, a terminal window, and a compiler from 1977 is probably better than you are with the newest shiniest IDE.

Don't be a dick about terminology/vocabulary. Different words mean different things to different people in different organizations. If what you call GNU/Linux somebody else just calls Linux, let it go man! You understand what they mean, and if you don't it's your job to figure out what they mean, not tell them the right way to say it.

One analogy I like to make is that becoming a programmer is a lot like becoming a chef. You don't become a chef by following recipes (i.e. just following tutorials and walk-throughs). You become a chef by learning about different ingredients, learning about different cooking techniques, learning about different styles of cuisine, and (this is the important part), learning how to put together ingredients, techniques, and cuisines in ways that no one has ever showed you about before.

Grumpy old git warning.

What's with this fad of calling everything a "hack"?! Not just in the dev world (though articles like "the 5 greatest Python hacks that will save you time!" grind my gears too.) But no, we've also got "gardening hacks", "life hacks", "recipe hacks"...

Dude, they're just "gardening tips". They're just "useful suggestions". Or in the case of "recipe hacks", THEY'RE JUST BLOODY RECIPES.

Eurgh.

It booted, after months of working on a god damn simulation with various BIOSs revisions and fixes, with millions of kernel builds and a million of fixes of recipes. It booted from a first try. I almost fainted :D

Cocktail recipes list:

1. "Google's Ethics"

Take an empty glass
Add nothing
Cocktail is ready!

This cocktail is also known as "CPP – The Good Part", "Jumble Function Security" and "The Profit of Unit Testing".

Today at a friends graduation party I met her father(retired aged). He asked me what I do and I told him I am in web development. He says, 'I can't remember the name of the site but it's for looking up recipes. I don't like it because it's not very easy to use. Is that your fault?' Implying that because I work in web I am responsible for all poorly designed websites.... Awesome!

any mathematician turned devs here?

I think developers with a formal mathematical education should be the ones actually developing softwares. Ordinary developers are just good cooks who know to prepare these recipes by knowing to mix and manage the Ingredients through their experience, developing software using various libraries and frameworks, I don't understand what innovation we devs do in it, makes me feel less passionate about my work sometimes.

(I embrace the fact that being a developer requires an arstisic craftsmanship to do it properly)

Aaaaarggghhh

Having to think about what and when to eat is such a fucking pain in the ass. I don't want to search for recipes. I don't want to think about nutrition. I don't want to count calories. I just want something to tell me exactly what to eat, when I should eat and what to buy. Same goes for workout routines. Just tell me what to do I'll do it. I want an autopilot for that sort of stuff so I don't have to ducking think about it anymore. It's such a giant waste of time to have to manually plan this shit through, I want to use my brain for other things like math or chemistry or Programming. In fact I don't even want to cook because I am alone and cooking for one person is so ducking pointless. I lost over 40kg in the last years. I learned my lesson, most things taste like shit now because I associate food with all the pain and depression that I had to overcome to achieve a normal weight and fit body. Food went from being a joy to being an annoying necessity. I got fit and I want to work out even more but I really don't want to think about this shit. The exercises and pain and hunger are all nothing but planning is my true enemy. It bores me to death, it's more painful than running until I break down I absolutely fucking hate it.

I am really close to start some kind of open source food planner where you can type in your goals ( weight loss, muscle gain etc.) In great detail with all kind of options ( vegetarian, vegan, allergies, budget, country where you live in for local recipes etc.) And it generates a food plan for you with exact details of where exactly to buy the ingredients how to cook them etc. No fancy Ui No bullshit ads for some kind of wonder drug nothing annoying. Something so easy that it can be used as an autopilot for ones fitness and life. Do what it says and you'll look decent, don't think about the rest. Having that would be so great and I could finally think about more important shit than this. Less overhead more time for things that can't be automated.

And Yes I know that this is exactly what a personal trainer would do, but I am not going to spend 600€ a month for someone to tell me exactly what to buy, what to eat and how to work out.

Question for iOS users (not that I'm looking into an iPhone, just curious)
What is the general state on app notifications? Because I've just about had it with the absolute fucking torrent of notifications whenever you install some random app on Android.

You install some random exercise app and the next day it will say "so did you get your exercise you lazy fucker?".
You install some random food recipe app and it immediately tells you to get your luncheon going with over a billion recipes (and probably all bad)

Competition judges don't believe that a Google Assistant based system running on a Raspberry with recipes, ingredients, YouTube and Spotify streaming, Kodi streaming, lights control and other stuff, qualifies as an IoT project.
For them, it just equates to the number of sensors and ugly wires sticking out a Raspberry, with some 1-file Python program.

Thoughts on this?

!rant

I am so bored and wanted to see some cool moving charts. So I started work on a little market economy simulation with different sources, drains and recipes for a variety of resources. Traders buy stuff, produce stuff and sell stuff at prices. They look at the market, how it has evolved, offers and requests to determine the prices for which they want to buy and for which they want to sell their stuff.

Currently just basic stuff and testing manually since I haven't completed the whole market simulation tick method. And I want to verify if the Traders work as I expect.

What's wrong with Stack Overflow? Honestly, somebody asked how to do something that should in most practical cases be avoided. I provided an answer and here comes the downvote army for no reason. I explicitly said it should be avoided but for the sake of experiment I posted the solution because I think people should explore what they can do with the language instead of feeling constricted to a set of standard recipes.
I don't buy into claims that this irrational elitist moderation is necessary for SO to be useful.
In the end, even their search sucks and most of us find it easier to search SO using Google instead of their native search.
I remember when I was a student at a programme which admitted both people with linguistic and computational background how hard it was for the linguists to even start writing code and I would always try to help them and relieve the frustration.
For me, it took years to start writing a high quality code and more than 6 years to become productive while writing quality code.
Do we forget we all began somewhere? I honestly don't care about building an immense "objective" problem solving tool for someone else to earn money at the expense of treating people the way SO community does.
I think it would be way better if SO managed to distribute questions in a more relevant manner and stopped holding onto their "objectivism", which is in itself a questionable concept.
Even simply separating questions into how popular they are could move the useful ones forward without radically cancelling and hurting new people.
I like to see people thinking differently and see their questions reveal what they know and what they don't. There's nothing wrong with pointing people to already answered questions, correcting them etc. And I get that there are many people being annoying when asking, but I never forget there is a person on the other side and I would never want to destroy their potential just to massage my ego and "reputation". And heck who cares about their reputation? Show your Github, CV, talk smart in an interview and you'll get the job. And in the end, wouldn't you feel greater inner joy from helping a person grow instead of seeing only your reputation?

Cooking.

Made me better at explaining processes, multithreading and writing clear recipes.

Recipes should have a troubleshooting section to see where you went wrong

The Michelin star chef says to a fast-food line cook:
— In my restaurant, we don't use mayonnaise. Better even, I don't need mayonnaise, so as my fellow Michelin star chefs.
— You are idiot. We use mayonnaise and the burgers taste like crap without it.
— Perhaps it's because your recipes are trash and your products are made from waste materials?
— Look. I consulted with my fellow cooks from KFC, McDonald's, Burger King — all huge, billion-dollar companies, and they too are using mayonnaise. The whole world uses it. If you don't use mayonnaise, you can't cook tasty. End of discussion.

That's how I feel when someone defends unit tests. Matter of fact, I can't stand _both_ tests and mayonnaise. Coincidence?

I’m too dumb to learn frontend frameworks.
I’m a backend developer, not the greatest but I get the work done. I can understand different programming languages even if I don’t write in them, you just understand basic principles and know what’s going on.
I can do some work in HTML, CSS and some JS.
But what the hell is with those popular frontend frameworks. I thought I pretty much understand how it works, so started doing some crap on my own, some pretty responsive navbar with dropdowns to start. Nevermind a million of npm packages to just start working and some weird errors in website source (“JavaScript is not enabled”, I spent few hours trying to fix it, but it’s just there, everything is working fine even with this message there). I have pretty navbar, nice, time to add dropdown.
Nope, not working. Maybe classic css solution?
Nope.
Ok, time to Google. What do I find? A million of npm dependencies that provide dropdowns, for some you need to pay, wtf.
But I want to write one on my own.
Found few tutorials that wasn’t even remotely helpful, it’s like with the online recipes, “when I was growing up on the farm…” and then something that it’s not working.
Finally found some nice looking tutorial, was following that and then.. it ended. It was maybe half of the solution, dude forgot about some components and just left.
I quit, I’m going back to writing jsp, my brain is too smooth for frontend frameworks

[googling devRanters before wasting time with Google]
Any of you does know of a cooking app/service where you can input the food that you have, the tools that you have and get back the recipes ordered by, for example, time-to-cook, the cooking difficulty and tastiness (the last one defined as how much of flavoured is the final meal)?

Favorite IFTTT recipes?

If you're a fan of coffee and whiskey, you might have tried Irish Cream Coffee before. This forum thread is a place to discuss your experiences with this classic drink. Do you enjoy it, and have you ever made it at home? Share your favorite Irish Cream Coffee recipes or variations, such as using different types of whiskey or experimenting with different flavorings. Do you have any tips for making the perfect Irish Cream Coffee, such as the ideal coffee-to-whiskey ratio or the best way to froth milk? Whether you're a seasoned pro or a beginner looking to try Irish Cream Coffee for the first time, this thread is a great place to share your thoughts and learn from others.