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Search - "chef"
I actually lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.11
My colleague (female) hooked up with me, made me do all her project work and dumped me as soon as it was complete.
Me: Can you make me some meatballs?
Engineer: No, what are you talking about?
Me: I thought you were a chef.
Engineer: I'm not a chef, what made you think that?
Me: I was looking at your code and I haven't seen that much spaghetti since Olive Garden ran the endless pasta special. I was just wanting some meatballs to go with it.5
One of my colleague's monitor got damaged. While the service guys took the monitor for repair, she sat free. When the manager asked her to connect to a spare monitor and resume work, she asked how could she? As all her work was saved in previous monitor.6
Who the fuck on earth named it Chef. You idiots, if I google Chef I get people wearing aprons on my browser. And what the fuck is cookbooks, cookbooks for chef returns 60 ways of making chicken. Who on earth has such naming convention for IT DevOps. Recipe, cookbooks, knife. Dafuq is wrong.11
A group of artists are invited for dinner by a famous chef.
In greeting the photographer, the chef comments:
I love your photos, they’re wonderful, you must have a very expensive camera.The photographer doesn’t reply and walks into the dining room.
After dinner the photographer approaches the chef and says:
Dinner was sensational, very exquisite flavors, a true work of art,
you must have a very sophisticated stove.8
Watching a cookery program and it made me think it must be hard being a chef.
Then it made me think that being a web developer is a bit like cooking.
You have your ready meal equivalent with WordPress and Wix.
You have your cook at home kits with front-end frameworks like bootstrap and foundation.
Then you have your own home made cooking using vanilla js, CSS and HTML made to your own liking.
Just like being a good chef, being a good web developer is about knowing what ingredients and methods to include, but also what to leave out, to get the best result!6
Alright, so you are a dishwasher and you do your job just fine.
And great news, the restaurant you work in is becoming THE restaurant in town.
To handle the volume you need to clean each dish within 30 seconds.
The pressure causes you to clean only the dishes that are easy to clean. Soup bowls come before ramekins with half-eaten Crème brûlée. This works for a while but it's self-defeating because not everyone is going to order soup and there is a growing shortage of clean "hard" dishes because you can only scrub so many of them to keep the chefs supplied. Eventually you are moving about 70% of the dishes in inventory at any given time and rarely used dishes have to sit filthy with their contents caking on until they are needed.
But Good news! Meet Jeb. He's the new dishwasher here to help. Efficiency! Except you have to stop and explain which dishes are easy and why they should come first. You have to share the sink, so you get a good helping of Jeb's rants about how things should have never gotten to this state and how nice the faucet was at the sink at the other restaurant.
In the interests of not making a scene in the kitchen and in front of any customers looking in, you smile and feed him a line of bullshit about how you understand and appreciate his thoughtful feedback. You'd rather just walk away and let him learn why being right doesn't buy him anything, but then you'd just be reprimanded. You and Jeb clean more and more until your moods match at a dead zone of benign acceptance thinly disguising your cynicism.
Still, part of you DOES understand Jeb. This SHOULD be simple. You pick a dish up, you scrub it until it's clean, and then you dry it. If only you could do that. If only the boss knew how hard you have to fight to do your job.
You privately go back and think about how much better things would be with some adjustments. Like, another sink. A dedicated dryer, be it person or a machine. Things that require investment, sure, but would more than make up for the value lost. You then remember that doing your job more efficiently would only bring more volume to perpetuate the cycle, assuming that you can even justify interruptions or reduced dish output to your boss.
You know that the root cause of your rush is really the customer's impatience and the business' fear of losing customers to a more convenient competitor, but that's not your job to fix. You are a dishwasher. You aren't here for the politics, you are here to wash dishes. But still you stew in a dance of wanting the power to fix what is broken while knowing you have no power to fix the most stubborn force on Earth: people.
You here a chef yell out that he needs 4 plates NOW (and not with spots on them this time, dammit), and you briefly fantasize about staring blankly into space, walking stiffly into a corner, dropping your pants, bending over, rumbling your butt cheeks, and blasting a thundershit like a 6-gauge all over the sink, the chefs, the food, fucking Jeb, and the customer body at large.
It didn't matter if you acted like a four-year old on amphetamines. The news would repeat your name for years as the dishwasher that wouldn't stand for the human condition as it stood, because the world needs to know that EVERY dishwasher's, no, EVERY WORKER's job would be simpler if it weren't for impatient consumers. And then things would change.
Pffffft lol. You laugh off your fantasy as the naive and selfish daydream that it is, then pick up the next soup bowl.
Now imagine everyone thinking this way, the dishes are invisible, the sink bowls are made of cracked cement, and the big customers will panic and attempt to raid the kitchen if they stop seeing food come out of the kitchen the instant they ask for it. And the boss asks you about your status every day while promising that you'll have time to clean the hard dishes one day.
This is Enterprise-level Software Engineering.3
So I used to be a chef, then I got married and decided my weekends and holidays were better spent than making food for ungrateful shit-wagglers, or getting screamed at in Lebanese by the exec Chef during dinner service at the end of a ten-hour shift, so I went back to school for Computer Engineering. I was so worried because I swore compulsively from day one of classes.
Little did I know way back then, the first programming language I ever learned was swearing.4
How many devranters here cook? Post your latest creation!
Pic related, chicken pie I helped make with my girlfriend.33
Books and command lines.
I don't like teachers.
I think it's because my learning process is very async and chaotic. When I see a snippet in Golang, I relate it to PHP, Rust and Haskell. I jump to resolving the problem in other languages, trying to find out which approaches work in Go.
Then I read about some computer science concept on Wikipedia and get lost in that while my hunger for knowledge and food increases. After a while I look up a recipe for a pasta salad, and while cutting bell peppers, I see the recipe in terms of typed morphisms, I sprinkle and intersperse ingredients through mapping functions, then decide to write an interpreter for the esoteric "Chef" language in Go so I can interpret my salad recipe while eating it.
Voila, I'm learning Go.
I have no patience for linear mentoring, and others have no patience for mentoring me.
But that's OK.1
Fuck I love my job, my boss and I are absolute food fanatics and talk about weird and wonderful things we cook...
He knows I bloody love curry so he brought some in for me to have for lunch and he's bringing me a shit load of fresh grown vegetables...
And to think I chose IT over being a chef.... (Still no regrets)6
Was just working in a restaurant's kitchen when chef told me "can you make me a website ?"
Me :thinking: : "Mmh k..."5
As a side job I work at quite a big hardware/electronics company because I like working with hardware too.
Recently I found out that every fucking employee can view/edit/download all customer data.
Let me make this clear, couple hundred employees, not a small part of that being 16-20 year olds that don't even have enough fucking sense of responsibility to be on time twice a week. Service desk employees who can't tell a motherboard apart from a CPU and security that forgot to lock the goddamn door at night.
I brought this up to my chef and they fucking said they expect their people to have enough responsibility to handle that data with care, and they system is secure against hacks..
Email, living address, order and payment history. the whole fucking packet.
Half these idiots probably think "password123" is freaking secure, the earth is flat, and Fuckerberg is their lord and saviour.
I have send my resignation and deleted myself and relatives from their system. Daft slow witted idiots.2
Full stack developer.
I know what it's supposed to mean, but I feel like it gives discredit to the devs who perfect their area (frontend, backend, db, infrastructure). It's, to me, like calling myself a chef because I can cook dinner..
The depth, analysis and customization of the domain to shape an api to a website is never appreciated. The finicle tweaks on the frontend to make those final touches. Then comes a brat who say they are full stack, and can do all those things. Bullshit. 99.9% of them have never done anything but move data through layers and present it.
Throw these wannabes an enterprise system with monoliths and microservices willy nelly, orchestrate that shit with a vertical slice nginx ssi with disaster recovery, horizontal scaling, domain modeling, version management, a busy little bus and events flowing all decimal points of 2pi. Then, if you fully master everything going on there, I believe you are full stack.
Otherwise you just scraped the surface of what complexities software development is about. Everyone who can read a tutorial can scrape together an "in-out" website. But if your db is looking the same as your api, your highest complexity is the alignment of an infobox, I will laugh loud at your full stack.
And if you told me in an interview that you are full stack, you'd better have 10+ years experience and a good list of failed and successful projects before I'd let you stay the next two minutes..1
"Coding" has become the skill to learn. So much so that you can hardly watch TV or surf the Internet without seeing at least one ad for a boot camp or training course or series of online videos that promise to make you a coder in 24 hours/7 days/30 days.
I can't imagine that the majority of people who complete these courses become skilled coders. No doubt, some do, but it is probably along the same percentages of cooking school graduates who become top chefs.
Just like cooking, coding requires knowledge of techniques, a specialized vocabulary, a willingness to experiment, constant learning and a desire to be better. Any coder or chef who lacks these will never be great and may not even be good.
Can these courses teach people the basics of coding? Sure
Can these courses teach people the specifics of a given language or platform? Absolutely
Will these courses turn out seasoned developers who will be able to be part of a team and contribute at a high level immediately? Probably not
Will these courses turn out independent developers who will be able to write their own secure, functional applications? Maybe
I haven't lost faith in my future in development.
I am losing my faith in the future of development as a vocation. How long before most "developers" are cookie-cutter, line cooks?
I had a friend who once railed agains the idea of "Visual" languages because he thought something was lost when a developer no longer had to write the code to generate and handle the UI. I disagreed and said the real act of coding was underneath, in the actions that happened when the button was pushed. Now I think he was on to something. I just wasn't looking far enough down the road.6
A real chef will rant about a freaking knife sharpness and weight and handle and all that shit. Because a real chef knows what he is holding.
Us? We are happy as long as the knives in our hands can cut some stuffs or stab some people.
// Disclaimer : I just left this comment on a rant where OP claimed many users (average users) have no issues with a particular OS while a bunch of self proclaimed developers have lots of trouble with that particular OS.2
When you spend 5 days trying to figure out the answer to a programming question and it turns out to be only 5 lines of code....2
Little job story about dev server cleanup :-)
Ops 1: We are running out of disk space on <server ip>, only 14GB left
[one day later]
Chef: Guys can you take a look at the server, I see postgresql is taking 51GB
[a few minutes later]
Ops 2: otherwise we can truncate the whole database
*Dev 1, 2, 3, 4* D: !!!!!
Dev 1, 2, 3, 4: ok we are looking at it
[few seconds later]
Dev 2: I cleaned 13GB, more can be cleaned if we do a backup
Dev 3: I also cleaned a few gigs2
FYI. Copied from my FB stalked list.
Web developer roadmap 2018
Common: Git, HTTP, SSH, Data structures & Algorithms, Encoding
Back-end: PHP, Composer, Laravel > Nginx, REST, JWT, OAuth2, Docker > MariaDB, MemCached, Redis > Design Patterns, PSRs
DevOps: Linux, AWS, Travis-CI, Puppet/Chef, New Relic > Docker, Kubernetes > Apache, Nginx > CLI, Vim > Proxy, Firewall, LoadBalancer
Michelin star Chefs, Chefs, sous chef, pastry chefs, cooks, burger flippers; they all prepare food.
I think that development is heading becoming a service industry. Millions of developers at the low end making next to nothing with less at the top making more; sometimes much more.
Then there will be shows like "Master Coder" where something is white boarded out and the contestants have a limited time to write the function.4
So... I know this isn't a rant, in fact it's not even related to computers, but it's so epic I just have to share.
The other day at work, we ordered lunch from a local Thai chef, whom I challenged to make me a properly hot Thai style stir fry pork dish.
I think he understood, because it was just perfect. (:5
Being mocked by the chef because I am "almost a week on a task"... Yeah dude, if a script which should update hundred thousands of main entities in production with a 45 min duration even though it is already paralleled is a half day job why don't you do it fucking yourself?4
Got an email back about a sys admin job I applied for! They gave me a quiz about basic terminal commands and wanted me to make a couple chef scripts. So excited to do it!2
Chef is objectively the best programming language ever
Prove me wrong
All of it's code is tasty
I wonder if they have speech to text for code.
Var cars equals left bracket quote Saab quote comma quote Volvo quote comma quote BMW quote right bracket semi-colon5
"It doesn’t matter one damn bit whether fashion is art or not. You don’t question whether an incredible chef is an artist or not – his cakes are delicious and that’s all that matters." - Sonia Rykiel
Am I the only one who frequently forgets to hit the insert key again when I'm done with it and then go and accidentally overwrite some other stuff unintentionally?4
Has anyone ever wanted to quit as programmer?
But I talking go and work as a chef or a fucking janitor kind-of-quitting?4
I landed myself an interview with a really great company for a DevOps intern position tomorrow.
Im really hopeful about this. The company truly seems like a great place to work with incredible opportunity to grow, and I desperately want to pursue a career in DevOps, but Im worried that Im underqualified. I lack true professional experience, and have really had no adequate time working with CI/CD tools, but I am very interested, excited and willing to work hard to become proficient.
Ive been prepping myself as much as I can in this last week (trying to gain familiarity with tools like jenkins, artifactory, chef etc), and so I ask to you, my fellow ranters (particularly DevOps), are there any final tips or bits of advice that I can take to really impress my interviewers and better my chances of getting this position?
Also, hello again to my old devRant pals~ I miss hanging around here and conversing with you great people13
OK semi rant... Would like suggestions
Boss wants me to figure out someway to find the maximum load/users our servers/API/database can handle before it freezes or crashes **under normal usage**.
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WITH 1 PC? The question seems to me to mean how big a DDoS can it handle?
I'm not sure if this is vague requirements, don't know what they're talking about, or they think I can shit gold... for nothing... or I'm missing something (I'm thinking how many concurrent requests and a single Neville melee even with 4 CPUs)
"Oh just doing up some cloud servers"
Uh well I'm a developer, I've never used Chef or Puppet and or cloud sucks, it's like a web GUI, not only do I have to create the instances manually and would have to upload the testing programs to each manually... And set up the envs needed to run it.
Docker you say? There's no Docker here... Prebuilt VM images? Not supported.
And it's due in 2 weeks...12
So I had this assignment for a subject at University about semaphores in C. The theme was "Friend's dinner out" and it had 3 entities and yadda yadda...
The innocent me made this montage of a chef (one of the entities) with a semaphore in his hand and put it in the first page of the report for that assignment.
Until this point, all ok, or so I thought...
The moment I show my report to my friends they burst out laughing and say I literally just created a meme and sent it to a "not so cool" teacher.
They find it hilarious.
Right now I'm nervously waiting for the assignment grades to be published.
Did I screw up my report and thus my assignment?6
Being a programmer or dev is a lot like being a chef: (I've done both)
Sure it's something anyone can just jump in on with minimal experience, and probably make a little thing that kinda looks cool to the layman, but it takes experience and hard lessons to make something that will impress the judges.6
They need to get rid of the Cook and employ a Chef.
It used to be creativity, foresight, instinct manifesting itself in great innovative design and software. Now we have everything focused on chasing the $. Just like Microsoft used to be, until that is they realised. Now Apple is the old Microsoft and Microsoft is the new Apple.
I live in hope.8
Was once interviewing for Ops support roles looking after multiple websites wrote in java, rails, php with some rest apis, apache, varnish and more....
We were also starting moving towards automation and devops practices so we needed to expand...
We have a great CV from someone who had all of the technologies and chef mentioned on their CV so we were positive....
Invited to interview and something wasn't right..... I dropped a "so you mentioned a few different languages on your CV, can you talk me though some of the applications you've looked after and what languages they were written in, etc?"
His reply.. "yes I looked after a lot of applications and helped people with them in English"
Me "oh.. Okay.... So those apps which software languages were they... You mentioned things like Java and Php and automation tech like chef?"
Him "well yes they were all sorts of things but I predominantly looked after the apps that were wrote in English... Didn't deal with any wrote in java or chef... Just English"
Me ".... Does anyone else have any questions?"
Safe to say we didn't offer him the job....
!rant - Also sorry this got rather long.
This is actually a psoitive story. I always used to be someone working on his things alone. It was great, I got shit done, I learned something. No one stressing you. But I was also lonely. The thing is that this behavior not only applied to developing. I was also able to observer that behavior in other parts of my life.
So it was time for a change. And I made a change.
It all began by switching my field of studies. Well, not really the field but some details. I switched from plain old computer science to computer science combined with media design. Here in Germany we have a nice word for it. Mediendesigninformatik.
I wish I had made that change earlier. Nonetheless it's never too late to make a change. So I began going to creative courses, like animation or graphic design. Directly from the start I made sure to talk to people. Make them remember me, offered my help because I already had experience with some things etc.
Next up was to get a job. So I got one. Now I'm working as a Game Master for a branding of escape rooms. Fun job. Also something different from developing all day, which is quite nice to do sometimes.
This job is where my change begun. The people there are amazing. I felt instantly like I've found new friends. Actually I also developed a crush on someone there and we are possibly dating soon. Not quite sure about that yet though. That also isn't the point here.
So a month later I moved out of my parents house. Living together with friends now and it's great. I'm so much more creative, so much more shit happens. I feel like a different human.
So I continued working on myself. I wanted to get really good at it. I wanted my groups to succeed whole having a challenge. They were supposed to leave happily, even when they didn't make it. Of course not everyone can be satisfied, but I noticed a positive change. Which motivated me to redesign and rethink the tool we use to give the players hints, manage their time and other stuff.
I was scared at first, but eventually I showed them what I did. Their feedback was surprisingly positive and while it will perhaps never replace our actual tools because our chef is a cheapskate, I was happy to achieve something. This continued. I made more stuff and formed connections.
Now I'm not working on things alone anymore. Recently I started working together with someone and this also was the first time I've made actual money of it. It's not a lot, but I was able to live half a month of it.
This is the beginning and I hope there will be much more. The moment I started showing other people my work and feeling confident about it made me change. I also learned to appreciate other people's compliments and kind of get an high of them, but I'm not sad when they don't like it. I feel like I've grown as a human and are more mature.
Have you experienced something similar? Can't wait to read your stories.3
Is 'long term thinking' a forbidden thing??
I: if we use Chef to deploy our project to the different servers, we can save a lot of time and hassle (also for the server people)
They: Do we need it now, because it takes a lot of time..
Yes, it takes some more time initially but it pays back in the long run especially because now we have a terrible mess of server environments..3
Looking to sharpen and pursue a SysAdmin/DevOps career, looking at online job offers to get the big picture of required skills and I say FUCK. It would take me a lifetime.
Azure, AWS, Google cloud platform.
CD tools: Ansible, Chef or Puppet
Scripting ninja with Python/Node and Shell/Power shell.
Linux & Windows administration
Mongo, MySQL and their relatives.
Networking, troubleshooting failure in disturbed systems
Familiarity with different stacks. Fuck. (Apache, nginx, etc..)
Monitoring infrastructure ( nagios, datadog .. )
CI tools: jenkins, maven, etc..
DB versioning: liquibase, flyway etc.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Are they looking for Voltron? FUCK YOU FROM THE DEEPEST LEVEL OF MY DEEP FUCK.1
Is it worthy to spend so much time solving hacker rank, codility, code chef challenges or just learning new technologies and becoming good a t it? At the end, where should we put our energy on?2
as a seasoned systems eng myself, i had huge mental block of "i am not a programmer" whining when starting to incorperate agile/infrastructure as code for more seasoned syseng staff.
leadership made devops a role and not a practice so lots of growing pains. was finally able to win them over by asking them to look at how many 'scripts' and 'tools' they wrote to make life easier... and how much simpler and sustainable using puppet/ansible/chef/salt... and checking in all our sacred bin files and only approved 'scripts' would be pushed thru automation tool after post review.
we still are not programmers or developers, but using specific practices and source control took some time but saving us loads of time and gives us ability to actually do engineering
but just have 2 groups of younger guys that grew up wanting to be the bofh/crumudgen get off my systems types that are like not even 30... frustrating as they are the ones that should be more familiar with the shift from strictly ops to some overlap. and the devs that ask for root now that they can launch instances on aws or can launch docker containers and microservice..... ugggg. these 2 groups have never had to rack and stack servers, network gear, storage... just all magic to them because they can start 50 servers with a button click.
try to get past the iam roles, acls, facls, selinux and noshell i have been pushing. bitches.
Get to work before everyone is there to work a while without interruption.
Be the first there... to fix the worst problem of the year which appears this night. What a nightmare.
But it's done and fixed I'm happy ....
Half day is over now come to the real work. Oh wait Chef want to know what happens.
Day is over.
Best day of the Year!2
This is for the swedish: I saw a while ago a dialog in Adobe Acrobat where the title was: "Närmaste nerladdning chef". (~"Closest downloading boss")
Probably auto translated from "Closest downloading manager"
i am so excited learning. now i'll start refactoring my plate of spaghetti into object portions. both are new topics to me.
Today, while bootstrapping new machines in chef, I saw this in the output:
install version 18.104.22.168.4 of package apt-transport-https
They're using kinda long version number. Is there any chance that those numbers are called: major, almost major, middle, semi-minor and minor? ;)
We started planing for next month's. After this my time was already planned for 100%.
Now the Chef was coming we should document some processes. Now I'm planned for 110% for the next months.....
I like to be 110% xD1
Just started trying to learn Chef. Took me about 3 hours just to setup my environment so I can even create a recipe. And now all I want to do is to create a recipe to install ntp but apparently that's too much to ask of chef and I can't figure out for the life of me how to do it.
'net-ssh 4.1.0 conflicts with net-ssh (< 4.0, >= 2.7)'
Uninstalls net-e 4.1.0, runs command again
'Could not find 'net-ssh' (= 4.1.0) - did find: [net-ssh-3.2.0]'
Sometimes I just think dependency management was a mistake.2
A bug on a chef script which stops the web server in case if it was unable to talk with the database. One night the database hits the maximum number of allowed connection and a good number of web servers went down at 3 am.
So my work apparently uses centOS and chef for managing their servers and I have the opportunity to switch over and do system administration (which is what I want to actually do) but I havnt really had any actual experience with it. I figured the first thing that would be learn red hat or centOS, then learn chef but what do you guys think? What would be the best thing to learn first and get some experience? BTW: it's fine that I can take the job without any actual experience in it cause it's more of a student job where I can learn I just want to get some experience on my own before I start.1
Debs - Ready To Score
I'll be polite with your daughter
Young man that will be a dollar
Foe that arnold n palmer
Ain't nothin free in this world
Ain't nothin free in this world
Money ain't growin on trees in this world
Life's just a bunch of fees in this world
But thats why you gotta go fish
Gettin the fix for this dish
Chef in the kitchen, my cookin so rich
Chef in the kitchen, I'm gettin to this
Girls easier then a flip of switch
Pass me the rock I'm ready to score
Fakes never make it passed the doors
Do it for yourself
Do it for yourself
Do it do it
Do it for yourself
Pass me the rock I'm ready to score
Fakes never make it past the doors
Fakes never make it past the doors
Fakes never make it past the doors1
Maybe this is off topic, but currently I have a rant so intense that I just want to post this anywhere I can rant.
I am not sure how to cook But I am interested to become a chef. My dream is to be a chef. That's it. I have seen the cooking in a recent popular action RPG game, Cooking Mama 2. And I will get my hands dirty and syart spending hours to become a chef
Chef is cool. So even I don't know anything about cooking, I got the gut to get into my Mama's kitchen and look around for some ingredients.
Day one, I can instantly make the best food. I am a prodigy.
I made a Kale Salad. It tastes good. I can't resisit sharing my great food to my Mum and my friends
'hey, I am a genius chef !!"
But they laugh at me, 'Lol, you are a recipe kiddie.'
Omg, why are they so rude? they are jealous at me because they don't know how to cook? Lol