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Search - "chef"
My colleague (female) hooked up with me, made me do all her project work and dumped me as soon as it was complete.
Me: Can you make me some meatballs?
Engineer: No, what are you talking about?
Me: I thought you were a chef.
Engineer: I'm not a chef, what made you think that?
Me: I was looking at your code and I haven't seen that much spaghetti since Olive Garden ran the endless pasta special. I was just wanting some meatballs to go with it.5
One of my colleague's monitor got damaged. While the service guys took the monitor for repair, she sat free. When the manager asked her to connect to a spare monitor and resume work, she asked how could she? As all her work was saved in previous monitor.6
Who the fuck on earth named it Chef. You idiots, if I google Chef I get people wearing aprons on my browser. And what the fuck is cookbooks, cookbooks for chef returns 60 ways of making chicken. Who on earth has such naming convention for IT DevOps. Recipe, cookbooks, knife. Dafuq is wrong.11
A group of artists are invited for dinner by a famous chef.
In greeting the photographer, the chef comments:
I love your photos, they’re wonderful, you must have a very expensive camera.The photographer doesn’t reply and walks into the dining room.
After dinner the photographer approaches the chef and says:
Dinner was sensational, very exquisite flavors, a true work of art,
you must have a very sophisticated stove.8
Watching a cookery program and it made me think it must be hard being a chef.
Then it made me think that being a web developer is a bit like cooking.
You have your ready meal equivalent with WordPress and Wix.
You have your cook at home kits with front-end frameworks like bootstrap and foundation.
Then you have your own home made cooking using vanilla js, CSS and HTML made to your own liking.
Just like being a good chef, being a good web developer is about knowing what ingredients and methods to include, but also what to leave out, to get the best result!6
So I used to be a chef, then I got married and decided my weekends and holidays were better spent than making food for ungrateful shit-wagglers, or getting screamed at in Lebanese by the exec Chef during dinner service at the end of a ten-hour shift, so I went back to school for Computer Engineering. I was so worried because I swore compulsively from day one of classes.
Little did I know way back then, the first programming language I ever learned was swearing.4
How many devranters here cook? Post your latest creation!
Pic related, chicken pie I helped make with my girlfriend.34
Books and command lines.
I don't like teachers.
I think it's because my learning process is very async and chaotic. When I see a snippet in Golang, I relate it to PHP, Rust and Haskell. I jump to resolving the problem in other languages, trying to find out which approaches work in Go.
Then I read about some computer science concept on Wikipedia and get lost in that while my hunger for knowledge and food increases. After a while I look up a recipe for a pasta salad, and while cutting bell peppers, I see the recipe in terms of typed morphisms, I sprinkle and intersperse ingredients through mapping functions, then decide to write an interpreter for the esoteric "Chef" language in Go so I can interpret my salad recipe while eating it.
Voila, I'm learning Go.
I have no patience for linear mentoring, and others have no patience for mentoring me.
But that's OK.1
Fuck I love my job, my boss and I are absolute food fanatics and talk about weird and wonderful things we cook...
He knows I bloody love curry so he brought some in for me to have for lunch and he's bringing me a shit load of fresh grown vegetables...
And to think I chose IT over being a chef.... (Still no regrets)6
Was just working in a restaurant's kitchen when chef told me "can you make me a website ?"
Me :thinking: : "Mmh k..."5
As a side job I work at quite a big hardware/electronics company because I like working with hardware too.
Recently I found out that every fucking employee can view/edit/download all customer data.
Let me make this clear, couple hundred employees, not a small part of that being 16-20 year olds that don't even have enough fucking sense of responsibility to be on time twice a week. Service desk employees who can't tell a motherboard apart from a CPU and security that forgot to lock the goddamn door at night.
I brought this up to my chef and they fucking said they expect their people to have enough responsibility to handle that data with care, and they system is secure against hacks..
Email, living address, order and payment history. the whole fucking packet.
Half these idiots probably think "password123" is freaking secure, the earth is flat, and Fuckerberg is their lord and saviour.
I have send my resignation and deleted myself and relatives from their system. Daft slow witted idiots.2
Full stack developer.
I know what it's supposed to mean, but I feel like it gives discredit to the devs who perfect their area (frontend, backend, db, infrastructure). It's, to me, like calling myself a chef because I can cook dinner..
The depth, analysis and customization of the domain to shape an api to a website is never appreciated. The finicle tweaks on the frontend to make those final touches. Then comes a brat who say they are full stack, and can do all those things. Bullshit. 99.9% of them have never done anything but move data through layers and present it.
Throw these wannabes an enterprise system with monoliths and microservices willy nelly, orchestrate that shit with a vertical slice nginx ssi with disaster recovery, horizontal scaling, domain modeling, version management, a busy little bus and events flowing all decimal points of 2pi. Then, if you fully master everything going on there, I believe you are full stack.
Otherwise you just scraped the surface of what complexities software development is about. Everyone who can read a tutorial can scrape together an "in-out" website. But if your db is looking the same as your api, your highest complexity is the alignment of an infobox, I will laugh loud at your full stack.
And if you told me in an interview that you are full stack, you'd better have 10+ years experience and a good list of failed and successful projects before I'd let you stay the next two minutes..3
Michelin star Chefs, Chefs, sous chef, pastry chefs, cooks, burger flippers; they all prepare food.
I think that development is heading becoming a service industry. Millions of developers at the low end making next to nothing with less at the top making more; sometimes much more.
Then there will be shows like "Master Coder" where something is white boarded out and the contestants have a limited time to write the function.4
Little job story about dev server cleanup :-)
Ops 1: We are running out of disk space on <server ip>, only 14GB left
[one day later]
Chef: Guys can you take a look at the server, I see postgresql is taking 51GB
[a few minutes later]
Ops 2: otherwise we can truncate the whole database
*Dev 1, 2, 3, 4* D: !!!!!
Dev 1, 2, 3, 4: ok we are looking at it
[few seconds later]
Dev 2: I cleaned 13GB, more can be cleaned if we do a backup
Dev 3: I also cleaned a few gigs2
When you spend 5 days trying to figure out the answer to a programming question and it turns out to be only 5 lines of code....2
FYI. Copied from my FB stalked list.
Web developer roadmap 2018
Common: Git, HTTP, SSH, Data structures & Algorithms, Encoding
Back-end: PHP, Composer, Laravel > Nginx, REST, JWT, OAuth2, Docker > MariaDB, MemCached, Redis > Design Patterns, PSRs
DevOps: Linux, AWS, Travis-CI, Puppet/Chef, New Relic > Docker, Kubernetes > Apache, Nginx > CLI, Vim > Proxy, Firewall, LoadBalancer
So... I know this isn't a rant, in fact it's not even related to computers, but it's so epic I just have to share.
The other day at work, we ordered lunch from a local Thai chef, whom I challenged to make me a properly hot Thai style stir fry pork dish.
I think he understood, because it was just perfect. (:5
Being mocked by the chef because I am "almost a week on a task"... Yeah dude, if a script which should update hundred thousands of main entities in production with a 45 min duration even though it is already paralleled is a half day job why don't you do it fucking yourself?4
A real chef will rant about a freaking knife sharpness and weight and handle and all that shit. Because a real chef knows what he is holding.
Us? We are happy as long as the knives in our hands can cut some stuffs or stab some people.
// Disclaimer : I just left this comment on a rant where OP claimed many users (average users) have no issues with a particular OS while a bunch of self proclaimed developers have lots of trouble with that particular OS.2
Got an email back about a sys admin job I applied for! They gave me a quiz about basic terminal commands and wanted me to make a couple chef scripts. So excited to do it!2
Chef is objectively the best programming language ever
Prove me wrong
All of it's code is tasty
"It doesn’t matter one damn bit whether fashion is art or not. You don’t question whether an incredible chef is an artist or not – his cakes are delicious and that’s all that matters." - Sonia Rykiel
So I had this assignment for a subject at University about semaphores in C. The theme was "Friend's dinner out" and it had 3 entities and yadda yadda...
The innocent me made this montage of a chef (one of the entities) with a semaphore in his hand and put it in the first page of the report for that assignment.
Until this point, all ok, or so I thought...
The moment I show my report to my friends they burst out laughing and say I literally just created a meme and sent it to a "not so cool" teacher.
They find it hilarious.
Right now I'm nervously waiting for the assignment grades to be published.
Did I screw up my report and thus my assignment?6
OK semi rant... Would like suggestions
Boss wants me to figure out someway to find the maximum load/users our servers/API/database can handle before it freezes or crashes **under normal usage**.
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WITH 1 PC? The question seems to me to mean how big a DDoS can it handle?
I'm not sure if this is vague requirements, don't know what they're talking about, or they think I can shit gold... for nothing... or I'm missing something (I'm thinking how many concurrent requests and a single Neville melee even with 4 CPUs)
"Oh just doing up some cloud servers"
Uh well I'm a developer, I've never used Chef or Puppet and or cloud sucks, it's like a web GUI, not only do I have to create the instances manually and would have to upload the testing programs to each manually... And set up the envs needed to run it.
Docker you say? There's no Docker here... Prebuilt VM images? Not supported.
And it's due in 2 weeks...12
Has anyone ever wanted to quit as programmer?
But I talking go and work as a chef or a fucking janitor kind-of-quitting?4
Getting new work to do: make a new wordpress website.
Starting to write some code, so far so good.
Checking other languages of the site.
Me: oh there is already a french website of em.
Chef: no the site must be designed by far different than the other.
... Writing the code, ready website, publishing for review only.
... 1 year later...
Chef: Lets change the site, we need the french design.
Me: the markup is totally different and the backend has to be renewed.
Chef: its alright, just do the new homepage design and lets look for response of our client.
..did the whole homepage stuff...
... 1 week later...
Student colleague appeared, watching for work stuff, but nothing to do. Went home.
Chef ringing late evening...
Chef: hows the site?
Me: the homepage is rdy since a week.
Chef: and the other stuff? Look, it has to be rdy tomorrow.
(soso... The chef wants me to refactor a whole site in an hour, whats left of the day)
Chef: and where is the student?
Me: he went home, because there was nothing to do though.
Chef: WHAT? He had to help you with the site!
(Though he didnt knew what to do at first place. He just ordered him to come and w8 for 7 hours...)
Chef: i ll get him back at work and you continue working!!
Me: ok (call end, get up and gone home...)
Briefings over 90001
Being a programmer or dev is a lot like being a chef: (I've done both)
Sure it's something anyone can just jump in on with minimal experience, and probably make a little thing that kinda looks cool to the layman, but it takes experience and hard lessons to make something that will impress the judges.6
Was once interviewing for Ops support roles looking after multiple websites wrote in java, rails, php with some rest apis, apache, varnish and more....
We were also starting moving towards automation and devops practices so we needed to expand...
We have a great CV from someone who had all of the technologies and chef mentioned on their CV so we were positive....
Invited to interview and something wasn't right..... I dropped a "so you mentioned a few different languages on your CV, can you talk me though some of the applications you've looked after and what languages they were written in, etc?"
His reply.. "yes I looked after a lot of applications and helped people with them in English"
Me "oh.. Okay.... So those apps which software languages were they... You mentioned things like Java and Php and automation tech like chef?"
Him "well yes they were all sorts of things but I predominantly looked after the apps that were wrote in English... Didn't deal with any wrote in java or chef... Just English"
Me ".... Does anyone else have any questions?"
Safe to say we didn't offer him the job....
They need to get rid of the Cook and employ a Chef.
It used to be creativity, foresight, instinct manifesting itself in great innovative design and software. Now we have everything focused on chasing the $. Just like Microsoft used to be, until that is they realised. Now Apple is the old Microsoft and Microsoft is the new Apple.
I live in hope.8
My chef is still puzzling about how the clients websites get "hacked", tho our windows machines have never seen any antivirus software...
Had to switch pc s... And what do we have here? "Windows Defender has found a Trojan"...3
Is 'long term thinking' a forbidden thing??
I: if we use Chef to deploy our project to the different servers, we can save a lot of time and hassle (also for the server people)
They: Do we need it now, because it takes a lot of time..
Yes, it takes some more time initially but it pays back in the long run especially because now we have a terrible mess of server environments..3
Looking to sharpen and pursue a SysAdmin/DevOps career, looking at online job offers to get the big picture of required skills and I say FUCK. It would take me a lifetime.
Azure, AWS, Google cloud platform.
CD tools: Ansible, Chef or Puppet
Scripting ninja with Python/Node and Shell/Power shell.
Linux & Windows administration
Mongo, MySQL and their relatives.
Networking, troubleshooting failure in disturbed systems
Familiarity with different stacks. Fuck. (Apache, nginx, etc..)
Monitoring infrastructure ( nagios, datadog .. )
CI tools: jenkins, maven, etc..
DB versioning: liquibase, flyway etc.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Are they looking for Voltron? FUCK YOU FROM THE DEEPEST LEVEL OF MY DEEP FUCK.1
Is it worthy to spend so much time solving hacker rank, codility, code chef challenges or just learning new technologies and becoming good a t it? At the end, where should we put our energy on?2
as a seasoned systems eng myself, i had huge mental block of "i am not a programmer" whining when starting to incorperate agile/infrastructure as code for more seasoned syseng staff.
leadership made devops a role and not a practice so lots of growing pains. was finally able to win them over by asking them to look at how many 'scripts' and 'tools' they wrote to make life easier... and how much simpler and sustainable using puppet/ansible/chef/salt... and checking in all our sacred bin files and only approved 'scripts' would be pushed thru automation tool after post review.
we still are not programmers or developers, but using specific practices and source control took some time but saving us loads of time and gives us ability to actually do engineering
but just have 2 groups of younger guys that grew up wanting to be the bofh/crumudgen get off my systems types that are like not even 30... frustrating as they are the ones that should be more familiar with the shift from strictly ops to some overlap. and the devs that ask for root now that they can launch instances on aws or can launch docker containers and microservice..... ugggg. these 2 groups have never had to rack and stack servers, network gear, storage... just all magic to them because they can start 50 servers with a button click.
try to get past the iam roles, acls, facls, selinux and noshell i have been pushing. bitches.
This is for the swedish: I saw a while ago a dialog in Adobe Acrobat where the title was: "Närmaste nerladdning chef". (~"Closest downloading boss")
Probably auto translated from "Closest downloading manager"
i am so excited learning. now i'll start refactoring my plate of spaghetti into object portions. both are new topics to me.
Get to work before everyone is there to work a while without interruption.
Be the first there... to fix the worst problem of the year which appears this night. What a nightmare.
But it's done and fixed I'm happy ....
Half day is over now come to the real work. Oh wait Chef want to know what happens.
Day is over.
Best day of the Year!2
'net-ssh 4.1.0 conflicts with net-ssh (< 4.0, >= 2.7)'
Uninstalls net-e 4.1.0, runs command again
'Could not find 'net-ssh' (= 4.1.0) - did find: [net-ssh-3.2.0]'
Sometimes I just think dependency management was a mistake.2
Today, while bootstrapping new machines in chef, I saw this in the output:
install version 126.96.36.199.4 of package apt-transport-https
They're using kinda long version number. Is there any chance that those numbers are called: major, almost major, middle, semi-minor and minor? ;)
When your unskilled colleague was working on a project alone and now the chef calls you to add a new feature to it, and you know the anti patterns well... you now know, that you are on a
We started planing for next month's. After this my time was already planned for 100%.
Now the Chef was coming we should document some processes. Now I'm planned for 110% for the next months.....
I like to be 110% xD1
Just started trying to learn Chef. Took me about 3 hours just to setup my environment so I can even create a recipe. And now all I want to do is to create a recipe to install ntp but apparently that's too much to ask of chef and I can't figure out for the life of me how to do it.
A bug on a chef script which stops the web server in case if it was unable to talk with the database. One night the database hits the maximum number of allowed connection and a good number of web servers went down at 3 am.
So my work apparently uses centOS and chef for managing their servers and I have the opportunity to switch over and do system administration (which is what I want to actually do) but I havnt really had any actual experience with it. I figured the first thing that would be learn red hat or centOS, then learn chef but what do you guys think? What would be the best thing to learn first and get some experience? BTW: it's fine that I can take the job without any actual experience in it cause it's more of a student job where I can learn I just want to get some experience on my own before I start.1
Maybe this is off topic, but currently I have a rant so intense that I just want to post this anywhere I can rant.
I am not sure how to cook But I am interested to become a chef. My dream is to be a chef. That's it. I have seen the cooking in a recent popular action RPG game, Cooking Mama 2. And I will get my hands dirty and syart spending hours to become a chef
Chef is cool. So even I don't know anything about cooking, I got the gut to get into my Mama's kitchen and look around for some ingredients.
Day one, I can instantly make the best food. I am a prodigy.
I made a Kale Salad. It tastes good. I can't resisit sharing my great food to my Mum and my friends
'hey, I am a genius chef !!"
But they laugh at me, 'Lol, you are a recipe kiddie.'
Omg, why are they so rude? they are jealous at me because they don't know how to cook? Lol