( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );

A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).

So I had a meeting with them.

First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
OH BOY!?

Well, imagine this:

- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)

- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical

- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent

- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS

- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)

- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.

- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?

After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.

Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.

Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.

I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.

This was typical for me:

Yesterday evening I was installing a webserver on my Raspberry Pi for experiments with WordPress. I began some days ago, but I had to stop because the downloads took at least to long.

So I started to logi in:

Username: Raspberry
Password: Pi
-> False Password

Wondering why it is not working a tried again. Same result. After some time I remembered that I changed my password.

Username: Raspberry
Password: Ih4G2tgY*
-> false password

*example
Tried again. Still false password. Then I remembered, that I used my another standard password.

Username: Raspberry
Password: U2gra94hY*
-> false password

After that I felt a mix of angry and helplessness. After some other failed attempts I gave up.

I formatted the SD-Card and installed Raspian again.I started my Pi

Username: Raspberry
Password: Pi
-> false password

My thought: WTF, why does this not work!!

This was the moment when I got the brainwave that the Username wasn't Raspberry, it's Pi.

Username: Pi
Password: Raspberry
-> access

Then I hated myself.

That moment when your marketing manager makes technology decisions for your project and says "let's just use WordPress" ...

well this is a NO!

just jumped on a WordPress website and was wondering why it was taking so bloody long to load even on high-speed internet. only to view source and get hit with 240 lines of JavaScript includes and about 20 odd lines of content.
LIKE WTFFF!!!

There is no way on this fucking earth every single library is being used to show me a god fucking dam search result that returns absolutely nothing no matter what i search for.

To any wordpress "DEVS" out there FUCK YOU and your FUCKING plugin madness.

I would love to hear from a WP dev how you justify this kind of bullshit!

I've just seen a WordPress inside another WordPress.

- Why was it made like this?
- If it works, you should not touch it.
- Ok. :/

I was hired as JS Dev, done some projects with Angular and Node, after several months my boss told me to maintain a FUCKING PHP webapp with no documentation and shitty codebase. After he saw the results, he told me *man, you got some potential*, and he assigned me to build websites using wordpress(WTF is he thinking!). I thought that was the last time he would do something ridiculous, Yesteday he asked me if i can do Video Animation(After Effects)!!

>be me
>join new firm
>only developer
>Task : Migrate our PHP based website to reactjs
>okay not bad, I can do this
>*Completes in 2 days*
>get inputs from boss and he gives
>go back again to inform we're now SASS integrated
>asks for new wireframes
>wtf lol.exe
>wants new design for the same website like of the parent company which is WordPress template
>*Internally : I'm a developer, I don't do wireframes*
>okay no problem

Seriously, if you wanted a new design in the first place why didn't you said so?

Those are operating systems, right? Right guys? Wordpress OS 64-bit? Y'all use this amirite?

I can't believe this is part of an official documentation (wordpress).
Tldr, they want to tell you how to remove all characters in the end of a file lol

God I fucking hate WordPress

Today I found out a single WooCommerce site is using 20% of database CPU (for comparison, 50 other sites use only 10% between them). Upon investigation it turns out that WooCommerce loads every single product in order to do the taxonomy count. Because the data is stored as PHP-serialised values in post meta, there's no way to do a decent "SELECT count() ... GROUP BY ...". And that code came straight from the WordPress devs, no more and no less...

I love walking round in a facemask cause people always gimme a "wtf" look like im a criminal and also wordpress is a fucking joke lmao

Freshman out of the university started working for me as a php developer. Software Engineer from a major Australian university. First project, a WordPress plugin... Two weeks down the track I had to explain to him the concept of sessions and multiple visitors. WTF are they thought at universities these days?

As I am working with WordPress for the really first time I am making horrible experiences now.

My client wants a simple submenu on the sidebar if the user is logged in else he want the login form to be there. Easy peezy done with php and just good old plain html. Maybe some JavaScript to make the login process asynchronous.
But fucking bitch - NO. As I found out after searching and digging. I have to create a menu in wp-admin first. Then add a menu-widget to the sidebar. And then install a plug-in to make the links only visible for logged in user. Wtf?

WordPress takes all the joy in doing web development for me. I won't do that anymore. I will force all new clients to use proper tools to make their shit work for them. And as I am the expert in this things I am the one who suggests the right tool.

Fuck this shit.

Keep this in mind: I don't like WordPress and PHP at all!!!
So a couple of days ago my boss asked me if I could extend a custom made WordPress plugin made by our intern. First thought: sure why not? Boss says: it has to be done in less than 100 hours of work (an estimate done by my boss and the intern). Me: I can't tell you that before I have seen the code and what functionality has to be in the extension. Boss: Cool, look it over this weekend and tell me if you want to do it or not.
I looked it through and my answer will probably be: NO WHERE IN HELL am I gonna are this in less that 100 hours! 1. no tests has been performed so I have absolutely no clue if his code works.
2. variable names are mostly: $string_query (whatever that means?), $result, $string_temp and so on.
3. Methods and functions are more than 250 lines long, with shitty formatting, and more comments than code. WTF?
4. The estimate has been made by an intern and my boss (doesn't know much about programming). I haven't been consulted about it....
5. No version control. No branches, no commits other than initial commit. Great.
6. Most comments in the code just tells me what I can read from the code. What it returns and what it takes as params. Can I please know wtf your method call named $booking->run () does? I still haven't found this method in the code after 1 hour of intensively looking for it...

FFS man... Not gonna do this, even though I thought it would have been an interesting project initially.

Sorry for the long rant... I just wish the intern would have consulted me about all this shit, since he obviously have bad practices. *sigh*

fuck wordpress... Got a request to improve wordpress site speed + pagespeed score. 20-30 plugins, 15 or more additional ones off. Improved the score and noticed that my adblocker is blocking a lot of urls. Sure enough theres a hidden iframe in the bottom with 10 ad network scripts and bidding get requests. Someone is making ad revenue from this shit.. wtf. I've only had problems with shitty wordpress sites being hacked for some reason. It's always a shitty experience. Any tips on fixing hacked wordpress sites?

Alright sit down boys this is gonna be a good tale (also a long one).

I'm currently developing a wordpress site for a Client. Everythings works well enough, I had a few "wtf is this shit" moments. Now we decided to give him access to the wp site so that he can see and change (I know, I know don't judge me pls), so I set up tunneling with ngrok, but that PIECE OF SHIT WP DIDN'T WORK ANYMORE. You asking why? Oh I'm telling you why, wp uses ONLY absolute paths. Well fuck, I ain't gonna touch that piece of shit php code, so I installed a plugin and shit was working.
In short, after a few fucking HOURS that shit finally worked. Well that would be a great fucking end for our little tale right? Yeeeeaaah no, I shit you not, it gets even better!

After a few days my client gets back at me that he can't enter fucking wp-admin to work on the text an stuff (again pls don't judge me for granting him access to the backend of wp during development). So I checked it out and that piece of shit didn't work. If anyone would happen to know why, I would be grateful bc for the love of spagetti monster I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!
So I said to myself well fuck this shit and put it on a webhoster. Uploaded all the files, and migrated the db. Sounds like it finally worked right? Well guess again buddy. So I needed to go to the database, updated values manually for wp to have the correct url and then still needed to force it to refresh every fucking link.

As it finally works now, this tale is also finished then and I really hope that part 2 is never ever comming!
Sorry for the (somewhat) long rant but this is some next generation bullshit.

A client wants me to build his website. He want a WordPress one, with a tool named Elementor to let him build stuff and upgrade the website by his own.

Seriously, Wtf is this shit !? That's a pure nightmare to work with !

Several years ago, I heard from a friend who was doing assignments for students on the side. Quite a hustle. His story began when he wanted to figure out why can't these students be able to draw their own database tables, relationships, UML, etc. That's what school has to be teaching them and then he was told that they were learning through MS Access. He goes and tell me that even though this is a lame way of teaching database design, its definitely easier to explain through hands-on and less typing mistakes, as according to the lecturer he met. Making the explanation more visually appealing and helpful for understanding.

OK I get it, but somehow that taught them the wrong way of database design from the beginning. I'd prefer getting them to start writing SQL commands from day 1 and play em at some DB VM. Keep em as real as it gets.

Now I have my own students asking for help in their assignment and also asked for tutoring lessons in web development. So I gave them the crash course in HTML, CSS and Javascript. I've asked them if they've used anything of what I taught them in school. They go and tell me that they've been taught web development through Wordpress. Oh WTF!? I havn't talked to their lecturer yet but it better be a really good explanation to teach these youngsters in a flawed and bloated PHP CMS framework for "web development".

We went to a restaurant with my family. I decided to check the restaurant's website:
koma-zalakaros.hu
This is a default WordPress website! A template!

Request: My WordPress website, with over 40 plugins active, some of which do the same thing, but I want to keep them all active, because fuck logic is not loading fast enough. Please fix it!

Response: Kill it with fire and buld it from scratch. Use an optimized, custom solution, tailored to your exact needs. The time needed is the same as trying to fix your broken WordPress...

Reaction: WTF? Everybody is using WordPress, that means it's the best! Why would I build my custom website on a fast and easy to maintain custom platform, optimized for my needs? Fix my loading speed!

Response 2: *facepalm*

I told a junior developer to write a plugin for WordPress to modify behavior of another plugin, and he wrote a plugin that literally overwrites the other plugin's file. WTF are youngsters thought at university these days? How to be lazy? How to go in dumb and come out dumber?

4 months ago, my team had the task of redesigning the login page of our main app. Really nice design. Since it was fairly simple, it was given to one of our summer camp guys to do something useful. After he finished, it was stuck on merge request and no one bothered to check it, as it was not important for our PO's, it simply got forgotten...
Last week, since I was bored and remembered about it, I decided to check it and fix the small issues it had, without telling anything to our PO, just did it, asked for code review and added it to our latest release.

Today I overheard 2 guys from analytics team:
"Hey, have you seen our new login page?"
"There is a new WordPress developer so he just does his job well"

Our application is not in WordPress, only our company's website is!
Our application is in Angular!
There is no new WordPress developer! We only have an offer looking for one!

WTF

PM comes into my office: "Hey, if <client> asks about his edits, just tell him they're scheduled for this week."
me: "I thought they were scheduled for this week, I thought that you were currently in a meeting to get final specs so you could tell me what needed changed."
PM: "Yeah, he wants to take the plugin from 5 steps down to 3, we told him it wouldn't be a problem and we would have it done this week."
me: "Ok, there are limitations as far as what I can cut out of the process, his tag line when he started as a client was '5 easy steps' and I built something that did what he wanted in 5 steps. Changing things this late in the game is not simple, I'm talking a minimum 6 hours of work."
PM: "Well I tried to make sure that what he wanted was possible but I didn't have a developer in the meeting. It shouldn't change anything that much."

He ended up scheduling a meeting with me and the designer to go over the edits Thursday afternoon. So I will have the new specifications which I said would be a minimum 6 hours of work and I will be given ~10 hours in which to do it. I sure hope nothing unexpected pops up while I'm working on this.

I'm also the only developer this week (and technically speaking I'm junior) since our senior dev wrecked his car over the weekend and isn't planning on being in all week. I'm the only computer literate person in the office of 50 or so, which means that if there is any kind of tech issue I'm ripped away from my desk for 'emergency help'. I have two other sites to get ready for client approval meetings by Friday afternoon and if the clients approve I will be launching their sites that afternoon as well.

The sign on my door currently says "Error 500: unable to handle your request" I need something to throw at these people.

Come on, WordPress! Why are you such an asshole? I just want to migrate and move on with my life.
Is it because I started with Joomla? Is it because I cheated you with Flask?
Can you please, please be nice to the same db you made? Am I asking to much for?

TYPO3: You can use this hook to modify all links generated on the website. Well, all links except those few over there, which for some reason use a completely different class that does basically the same thing, and will even call your hook, but then ignore the result completely.

Me: Fuck you! I've spent almost a day trying to find the right hook, because they are all undocumented, have stupid names and every time I get close to a solution, some other part of your code decides to circumvent the hook.

Also me: After spending hours sifting through the depths of the TYPO3 core, I seriously wonder why it works at all. Spaghetti code, classes fetching properties directly instead of using the getters, loads of global variables... Wtf is wrong with that thing?

And people say WordPress is shitty code.

TFW a bunch of pages have their own "template" because the content is hardcoded in.

I‘m currently trying to get an SFTP user for our school's webspace (preinstalled WordPress, don't hate it - it's "great" for non-"it" people) and our network administrator means that he can't create one for me because I would have access to all files on the server.
WTF, you can create SFTP users on Linux and restrict their access and even set a home directory.

Yeah, now we need to forget about themes and plugins in WordPress.

(He said that he also can't create an FTP user)

After you spent 3 years going into web development and eventually becoming good at it then you realize mobile apps sell for way more money than a website because of the existence of wordpress, wix, shopify... Like i aint shitting everything i learned so i can learn kotlin and swift from scratch. Like wtf is wrong with the market, software is software. Fucking fuck my life.

When you have a manager that gets the requirements for a super simple content page one month ago...

Then argues with some people about where it needs to go...

Then when it was decided two weeks ago that it needed to be a new publishing site insists on getting approval to deploy the new site even when I said hey I can have this guy set up publishing on our external server...

Gets approval anyway, now the deadline for it to be activated and working is tomorrow and because he is "a Wordpress developer" (by which he can install a theme) he thinks he knows how to fix Wordpress...

Because of the security at our company it needs to be over https and we are doing ssl offload from our publisher and Wordpress doesn't seem to like it or it is his jacked up Windows box running Wordpress? Wtf

Best of all he said "do you think we will meet the deadline". I said I don't think we have a choice, this will be used by a lot of people Saturday for a conference. OMG I was ready to scream...

Now today I need to setup a new cms on an external server and get it done by tomorrow morning, with content. FML

actually it wasn't mine. But it affected me. So we had a project website on wordpress and wanted to rewrite the theme. everything went well to the Point of production. Site is fine locally, at testing and on stage. On production we still see old, a bit broken old version, but only on homepage. Wtf. Nothing helped. After couple of hours later we found out, that the admin was updating php version and he left html shot at production, which was taking over.

Shitty goddamn "Agencies" and the piece of shit WordPress install garbage that comes along with them

150+ fucking plugins
Cause this is 2018 and more plugins = better wordpress site right?

CSS is easy enough > just edit the stylesheet right? I mean theres already CSS in there so this should work.

Fucking Noooope because the default custom style sheet doesn't get loaded through the garbage theme anymore.

Sure that makes alot of fucking sense sense, idiots added another fucking plugin for Custom CSS ontop of the "Live CSS Editor" ontop of the "Click and Place Builder"

WHAT IN THE FUCK

Can someone explain to me why these "Agencies" need to add 50 plugins just to edit fucking visuals? And when they decide they don't want to use that plugin anymore > add a new one, but we won't keep everything clean and in one place > lets just fucking leave it installed and fragmented for the next poor fucker that comes alone