This was my first freelancer project. Just dropped out of school, i think i was 17. No money, no proper hardware, i had a very old laptop & stolen wifi from our neighbor. I lived in a very small room at my mom’s flat, she wanted me out as soon as i turn 18. At the time my plan was to work on freelancer stuff and make my own games. “It will be fine, fuck school, who needs school? 😂“ I haven’t really finished anything back then, so i only had a few wip hobby projects to show ppl as my references. I saw a freelancer job posting. The task was to make a simple quiz game for mobile, it paid 350$. Back then that was a lot of money for me so i took it. I met the client, he said “2-3 week tops, i send you everything, you do the code” Cool. I finally had a “job”😃. The 2-3 weeks turned into a 8 month blur of all-nighting and just implement one more thing and its finished. I did not really have any experience on how to deal with clients and i really needed this project to finally have something on my porfolio. I motivated myself with “if i can finish this i can finish anything”. I think the story of my most definitive all-nighting was 3 months into the development. I finally got everything from the client so it was like just put it together and its done. The client wanted 300 levels, beeing a noob i was i started making all the 300 unity scenes by hand, aligning the pictures, the ui, testing each level, making adjustments to the code, etc.. after a really long night and a fuckton of caffeine i was done. I sent it to the client at around 9 am and gone to sleep. When i woke up i checked my emails to saw this: Cool! But can we do hints? (wich needed a fuckton of rework of my code) I think i had my first mental breakdown while working on the project. After that he wanted more modifications and because i made every level by hand i had to remake all of them like 10 times 😂
But in the end it turned out positive, he really helped me to start my carrier, we became sord of friends and the project gave me a lot of confidence and experience on how to deal with stuff when shit goes wrong because everything that can go wrong in a project gone wrong. It was the most valuable developer lesson. Plus it sounds so cool to say “i was born in development hell, b*tch!”🕶
I attached a pic of the laptop i worked on 😂
Thanks for reading 😃

Never gonna happen:

* Port our API to graphql. Or even make it just vaguely rest-compliant. Or even just vaguely consistent.
* Migrate from mysql to postgres. Or any sane database.
* Switch codebase from PHP to... well, anything else.
* Teach coworkers to not commit passwords, API keys, etc.
* Teach coworkers to write serious commit messages instead of emoji spam
* Get a silent work environment.
* Get my office to serve better snacks than fermented quinoa spinach bars and raw goat milk kale smoothies
* Find an open source IDE with good framework magic support. Jetbrains, I'll give you my left testicle if you join the light side of the force.
* Buy 2x3 equally sized displays. I'm using 6, but they're various sizes/resolutions.
* Master Rust.
* Finish building my house. I completely replaced the roof, but still have to dig out a cellar (to hide my dead coworkers).
* Repair/replace the foundation of my house (I think Rust is easier)
* Get slim and muscular.

Realistically:

* Get a comfortable salary increase, focus more on platform infrastructure, data design, coaching
* Get fat(ter). Eating, sitting, gaming, coding and sleeping are my hobbies after all.
* Save up for the inevitable mental breakdown-induced retirement.

So today, our "senior tester" logged a bug because he "Viewed Page Source" on the web based report he's testing and the Year values are hard coded! So 2017 will have to added manually!
I burst out laughing so hard, all my colleagues think I'm having a mental breakdown.

Remember the super duper company I applied for? (Last rant)

Well, I did their coding challenge. And after many years I had to do a metric crapton of C++. It's not a fun language. It's frustrating how human-unfriendly it is, and maybe one reason why I low-key like it.

Anyways, here's hoping that I didn't fuck up too much.

On a side note, I realized tensorflow actually has a cpp api. I think I'm gonna work with that in my next mental breakdown. 🧐

How to step up the level of emotional torture PhD students are subjected to by academia:
In addition to the normal status for submitted papers, which are "received", "under review" and "decision pending", let's add "undisclosed"!
Which means they know about the decision, you know they know, they know you know they know, but they will still leave you hanging for an unknown period of time, bathing in acidic dread.

Just experienced a mental breakdown from studying for college exams. Today june 1 2021 i dropped out of college because nothing and nobody is worth more than my mental state

Drupal 8, November 2015, colorized

now a funny thing that happened to me a few weeks ago:

a recruiter contacted me on linkedin... wait, don't laugh yet, that's not the whole joke (this time)...

...asking whether I'm interested in something, I was like yeah, but I'm looking for part-time because i'd like to not have a mental breakdown after 6 months this time...

her response: "well... I don't have any part-times, but I have an almost part-time..."

" 'almost part-time'? first time I've heard that phrase, what exactly does that mean?"

"it means about 160 hours"

... i sit in confused silence for a bit, then write back as I calculate: "i'm assuming you mean 160 hours a month, which is 40 hours a week, which is 8 hours a day, which is full-time. please point out where am I mistaken."

recruiter: * crickets *

I am Done! I am extremely burnt out and unhappy with my work. I have been doing this professionally for over 5 years now and much longer than that unprofessionally.
This new company I joined finally gave me the salary I always dreamt of but now I am extremely unhappy and depressed and anxious all the time. And I don't like the work I am doing. I don't like the team. I hate being isolated at home for over 2 years, working from home. I had a mental breakdown in the middle of the meeting the other day. And after that, I said. that's it. I am done. So, I gave the resignation letter. I don't know what I am gonna do. But I sure as hell can't do this shit any longer. But now, the fucking hr is making it even more difficult for me by not letting me leave without serving the notice period. I told her I am on fucking medication and I am having severe mental health issues. Now, she wants to see the medical certificate. Or I have to pay two months' salary. WTF? If I had that kind of money lying around, I wouldn't have slaved myself away at your shitty company, would I?
I went to my psychiatrist whom I have been seeing consulting for the last couple of years now. I asked for a medical certificate and he thinks it'll hamper my future career. So, he said I should get a certificate from a general physician. So, that's the world we live in then? You can't even speak the truth? And the way HR is behaving over the mail makes me feel like a total slave. I mean I am not at all fit for work these days, and it feels like, if she had her way, she would tie me down to a chair and ask me to push out code. what the fucking fuck. This is some fucked up industry and I think I am finally done with software development. But now, I don't have any idea what I am gonna do with my life or how am I gonna earn money. I am so burnt out and anxious that even the thought of working again gives me panic attacks. even working from home. What the fuck do I do?

When you have to postpone your own mental breakdown because you don't have the time for it.

OR FOR ANYTHING (1WEEK NO SHOWER)

We are working from home & my manager keep asking me about progress every 10 minutes!

I have come to a the brink of mental breakdown. I have shut down my Skype and not answering calls and I have lied to the team that I am having internet problem just to get away from them.
Ever done that ?

Had a mental breakdown a few days ago. Crying like it's the end of the world when computer stopped working. I was a Picasso drawing of the hysteria, basically.

My exams are getting near, I'm really not ready; yet this chick keeps asking me about ten euros I borrowed from her a year and something back when we were going to a club they asked me to go to with them... Given her persistence that I should wire her the money (no PayPal tho) I assume she's up to something super shady. Why does she need my account info for?

Anyways, being annoyed by only ten euros (in our currency, it's not much, btw. It's less than two bags of expensive chips, or 5 dozen of the cheapest eggs on the market) and not studying enough, there is also my work. I feel so incompetent that I may just resign. Like... I'm not smart enough for this project. 😢 And I'm aware of it.

Put that on the side with this uni's project, which is very "Urghhhhh" because of too many people working on the same project, some of who need to be sent back to kindergarten to learn how to cooperate with others.

And in the middle of all of that, I'm trying to stay as zen as possible until the next mental breakdown. 😑😑😐

Thank you for reading this rant.

Look, I get that it's really tricky to assess whether someone is or isn't skilled going solely by their profile.

That's alright.

What isn't center of the cosmic rectum alright with the fucking buttsauce infested state of interviews is that you give me the most far fetched and convoluted nonsense to solve and then put me on a fucking timer.

And since there isn't a human being on the other side, I can't even ask for clarification nor walk them through my reasoning. No, eat shit you cunt juice swallowing mother fucker, anal annhilation on your whole family with a black cock stretching from Zimbabwe to Singapore, we don't care about this "reasoning" you speak of. Fuck that shit! We just hang out here, handing out tricks in the back alley and smoking opium with vietnamese prostitutes, up your fucking ass with reason.

Let me tell you something mister, I'm gonna shove a LITERAL TON of putrid gorilla SHIT down your whore mouth then cum all over your face and tits, let's see how you like THAT.

Cherry on top: by the time I began figuring out where my initial approach was wrong, it was too late. Get that? L'esprit d'escalier, bitch. I began to understand the problem AFTER the timer was up. I could solve it now, except it wouldn't do me any fucking good.

The problem? Locate the topmost 2x2 block inside a matrix whose values fall within a particular range. It's easy! But if you don't explain it properly, I have to sit down re-reading the description and think about what the actual fuck is this cancerous liquid queef that just got forcefully injected into my eyes.

But since I can't spend too much time trying to comperfukenhend this two dollar handjob of a task, which I'd rather swap for teabagging a hairy ass herpes testicle sack, there's rushing in to try and make sense of this shit as I type.

So I'm about 10 minutes down or so already, 35 to go. I finally decipher that I should get the XY coords of each element within the specified range, then we'll walk an array of those coordinates and check for adjacency. Easy! Done, and done.

Another 10 minutes down, all checks in place. TEST. Wait, wat? Where's the output? WHERE. THE FUCK. IS. THE OUTPUT?! BITCH GIMME AN ANSWER. I COUT'D THE RETURN AND CAN SEE THE TERMINAL BUT ITS NOT SHOWING ME ANYTHINGGG?! UUUGHHH FUCKKFKFKFKFKFKFKFUFUFUFFKFK (...)

Alright, we have about 20 minutes left to finish this motorsaw colonoscopy, and I can't see what my code is outputting so I'm walking through the code myself trying to figure out if this will work. Oh, look at that I have to MANUALLY click this fucking misaligned text that says "clear" in order for any new output to register. Lovely, 10/10 web design, I will violate your armpits with an octopus soaked in rabid bear piss.

Mmmh, looks like I got this wrong. Figures. I'm building the array of coordinates sequentially, as a one dimentional list, which is very inconvenient for finding adjacent elements. No problem, let's try and fix that aaaaaand... SHIT IM ALMOST OUT OF TIME.

QUICK LYEB, QUICK!! REMEMBER WHAT FISCELLA TAUGHT YOU, IN BETWEEN MOLESTING YOUR SOUL WITH 16-BIT I/O CONSOLE PROBLEMS, LIKE THAT BITCH SNOWFALL THING YOU HAD TO SOLVE FOR A FRIEND USING TURBO C ON A FUCKING TOASTER IN COMPUTER LAB! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!

I'm SWEATING. HEAVILY. I'm STEAMING, NON-EROTICALLY. Less than 10 minutes left. I'm trying to correct the code I have, but I start making MORE dumbfuck mistakes because I'm in a hurry!

5 minutes left. As I hit this point of no return, I realize exactly where my initial reasoning went wrong, and how I could fix it, but I can't because I don't have enough time. Sadface.

So I hastily put together skeleton of the correct implementation, and as the clock is nearly up, I write a comment explaining the bits I can't get to write. Page up, top of file, type "the editor was shit LMAO" and comment it out. SUBMIT.

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Also hi ;>

So I've got my first sort of proper gig. I'm tasked with writing...

A goddamn minecraft plugin in java.
Well, it's actually rather fun strangely enough. My ideas of payment were not declined but rather accepted, the other devs are nice and everything is going well for now.

Also: Do expect a mental breakdown post next week or so

I don't want to hear about Java, JPA, JSP, Json or John ever again or i will have a mental breakdown

I made a post how i experienced a mental breakdown yesterday, a total mental collapse from abnormal dose of studying for college. Here a new day and i still cannot function properly. I cant describe the feeling exactly but feels like my brain is fried by electric shock wave... Like some kind of mild passive aggressive depression of void and nothingness.

During mental breakdown it was so bad that i could not construct basic sentences and comminicate until sleeping for a few hours and resetting myself that way. Now i can but i still cant think or do the coding work. My brain just feels fried... If you never had a mental breakdown just imagine a burnout and then multiply that by 1 million

I dont know what to do

I need help

Things I hate the most at the moment:
- PHP
- jQuery
- The person that coded this before me
- The fact that this person is swtiching from jQuery and native javascript over and over for no f*cking reason. Just why?
- My job
- My boss
- The big pile of sh*it that this code is (overall not just the screenshot), no separation of concern, logic code in the middle of the file, no proper slacing and indentation
- devRant no allowing me to put multiple images in one post, because the picture is just one of this whole mess, it's not even the worst part, you'd have nightmare if I showed it to you
- The mental breakdown I'm having

I wanna write code NOT TRYNNA FIND WHY ANACONDA HAS TAKEN OVER MY ENTIRE COMPUTER. I've spent the last day looking for answers. I'm now a full day behind with my project.
The mental breakdown is near.

Why is it that if you are not able to remember every single detail about something you've heard, that you as a person are deemed worthless?

Everything you do and need in life is bound to your memory.
Can't remember a name?
That's rude.
Can't remember what a technology does?
You won't get that job.
Can't remember the topics you learned about in school?
You won't get that education.

I can't remember things, my mind is constantly drifting. This, together with my inability to articulate myself clearly, makes me a complete nobody.
I hope that someday I'm just able to do something creative and not have these issues. Until then I'll just try not to jump in front of a train.

1.
Accuracy 0.90 achieved so easily, makes me wonder if I've done something wrong. Lol.

2.
My neural net models are the only things in my life doing well. I think I chose the right career. Lol.

3.
Rerunning experiments is not fun. But getting better results is really... Ego stroking.

!dev (maybe slightly)

I went to a CV Workshop organized by my first school. The presenter was the slightly-arrogant/know-it-all/cool type of guy who's a recruiter and also has his own company he runs. The presentation was OK, even though it took longer than announced. However, there were some things that bugged me. He expects everyone somehow to be extraordinary. Granted he works as a recruiter and his clients would like only the cream of the top, but some of the examples he gave from his personal experience, he seemed to give more gravity on other traits of the candidates than their achievements and qualifications (e.g. rejecting a candidate because she had posted a photo of her clubbing on Facebook). Also, somehow he judges candidates based on their parents profession. Lucky me that I fall into the category he dislikes. Now the fun part (sorry for the long post):

Next week there's a career day. I sent my CV as soon as I got the mail and then I also phoned the person in charge (as per the instructions). Yesterday on the workshop it was said we should resend our CVs by tomorrow on another mail? No problem you may think, but that said recruiter will take a look on them and that means I will have to rework mine just to make sure it is to his liking. I'm no fan of writing mission statements, nor trying to guess what my qualities (aka soft skills) are because what I think I am doesn't mean I actually am.

So now, I'm in a dilemma. Just send the CV as is or get a mental breakdown just so to please that person?
Thanks everyone for your patience and time, I just wanted to pump some steam out me...

I was given 6 whole months to rewrite some old monolithic web app exactly 5 months ago today. Now I have to show my boss the progress I've made. How do I explain him that I wasted my time in this order:
1.- heavy procrastination
2.- try new frameworks to work with, pick one, start writing the app, regret and start over again using a different framework.
3.- devrant
4.- existencial crisis and self doubt.

Now all I have are a bunch of incomplete buggy modules and a mental breakdown.

Such glorious Wednesday...

#1: Friend needs me to keep her cats, hasn't called yet to give me keys (and she's leaving tonight).

#2: Got an e-mail from a job I applied, rejected cause I flunked the impromptu technical interview (with the usual pretty wording).

#3: Helping a friend with his dissertation code in Java. Just a marvellous spaghetti code with minimal semblance of a structure and a hodgepodge of various solutions found on the Internet. 2H 40M and still nothing... At least I have my stress ball to save me from mental breakdown...

A lot has changed over the last month for me in my life.

The cases are rising crazily now. Thanks to the stupid govt's immature and unplanned lockdown.

Now while over 20k+ cases are being reported every single day, there is no sign or plan to contain it properly.

Two weeks ago, I had a mental breakdown over the uncertainty in future plans ( was planning to get a job in remote company and ditch current job to go back home in this grave situation but it has been delayed ) and burnout from living almost same routine since mid-March. I just wanted to go back to my home state where I will feel safe even if I get infected somehow.

Me and my friends have vacated our rented apartment last weekend. I'm now at the airport to leave this city and in less than 8 hrs, I will be back to my home where I will stay 14 days in quarantine before I can go out again.

I'm glad to have a job which I can "work from home". But more importantly, I'm glad to go back to my place which I can truly call my home. 🏠♥️

So, after having my mental breakdown with the 500k LoC Zend Frameshit PHFuck 5.5 with 0 test project, for a whole year; and after moving to a better job, I now inherited a React/Node/GraphQL project with a shitty architecture. It's so shit technical debt can almost be payed with actual cash... or flesh, ass-for-arch.

However, line test coverage is over 90%, so I guess it is an improvement.

Hear me out. Ive been trying to fix this flutter bug for... I lost the count of how many days or weeks it was, maybe even months. I now got to the point of having borderline mental breakdown. I am crying because i cant solve this bug and there is no one to help me. I am on my own. All by myself. And im crying.

FUCK people that romanticize all nighters. I'm here stuck at 04am waiting for my colleagues to finish because you told us 3 days prior to release the most important features. Or you don't listen to the clients or you're just plain stupid. HOPE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD that the next place won't be like this.

(Sorry for the caps, having a mental breakdown here)

We find our hero, fullstackclown🤡, again harrowed by idiotic management.

Our backdrop and set: A Google calendar appointment was booked between the managers and fullstackclown. fullstackclown had created an all-day appointment for today which reads: "fullstackclown on site".

With the scene set, let us begin our tale..........

Manager: Are you going to be on site today?

fullstackclown🤡: Do you see the appointment I booked on our calendar stating that indeed I will be on site today?

Manager: ...

fullstackclown🤡: you are an absolute idiot

Manager: ...

I literally don't know what to do anymore. I mean it's RIGHT THERE IN YOUR CALENDAR. HOW MUCH MORE CLEAR DO YOU WANT IT TO BE?! DO YOU WANT A TWILIO APP THAT SENDS YOU A PRERECORDED VOICE MESSAGE IN MY VOICE, CONFIRMING MY CALENDAR APPOINTMENTS?!

What type of mindset causes this type of behavior of double or triple checking things as simple as a calendar booking? Honestly shows a complete breakdown of normal mental functioning in my opinion.

Whoever complains about Visual Studio has never once coded in Atmel Studio... They may look the same, but while one is used to program, the others only purpose in life is to give people a mental breakdown...

Anyone else add increasingly snarky or desperate comments and console log messages when things aren't working right? My messages are like watching a coder's mental breakdown slowly progress.

I got a job opportunity in another country and went there for a 3 weeks trail working, I've worked on two different projects, one was with a CMS called Contao and the other one on WordPress, I'm fluent on WordPress, I've been developing themes for more than three years now.
With Contao I started the learning curve and for 2 weeks I learned a lot of stuff.

Before coming back for Visa stuff and taking care for few documentes needed they asked me if I could still do some freelance stuff from my home country. I said yes and got invited to the GIT repo.

It's been a week now that I'm trying to understand how stuff work and everything that the senior dev wrote is way advanced from everything that I've ever worked.
I couldn't finish more then 5 minor tasks simple CSS and PHP logic and I'm feeling very embarrassed.

I just wrote to the senior dev and told him that I'm way behind with my coding skills and I'm seeing dreams with code that don't work.

FUCKING CLOUDWATCH
I'm so close to a mental breakdown.
If I had a penny for every second wasted by its loading spinner, I could already sip cocktails on my own yacht.

Ugh I was looking into React Native Expo and build an app fairly quicky, everything was going well! I just finished a poc and wanted to build it. Well I have build two times before on Expo Cloud. Took like 10 minutes in total. I submited my build and bam 2 hours free plan queue. Motherfuckers! Sucking my dick for the first 2 builds and than asking for the money. When I want to have priority queue I have to pay 99$ per month or 1$ per build wtf is that?? See I get that I should not have expected much from this free service but be upfront with me pls.

Than I tried building the app locally on my MacBook but ofcourse that's always a pain in the ass and after staring at an error for half an hour and trying to fix it with minimal google search results, I gave up for now. Now I'm looking at the fucking downtime timer of 60 minutes before my mini app get's build and oh if it fails I'll have a mental breakdown

!rant
tl;dr I should start writing sitcoms

So my mind is going crazy. Last I night I had a dream about a colleague. He was working on a kind of smart photo frame thingie, which should be published to stores like walmart and so on. Also his 30th birthday was around the corner and his soon to be wife was driving him nuts. So the stage is set for some action. I was visiting him along to said store on the publishing day since he was that paranoid as his job was tightly connected to the success of this project. Anyway now the whole thing gets this tragic comedic type of feeling. He is about to go through a mental breakdown in the very store. Destroying things, yelling like a gramps and stuff you know from sitcoms. I swear at some point he did loose his pants. Also the staff didn't give a damn about him. I was trying to clean his path of destruction so that no one takes note of this. Of course I failed gloriously. This thing goes on for a while. Finally in some kind of credits scene he was sitting in front of his laptop reading a blog post about the success of this thingie. After an insanly long pause of suspension he was starting to kiss his monitor in relief. I swear to god there was fake laughter somewhere in the background like in the good old sitcoms.... Never eat pizza right before sleeping....