A ten minute task can be finished in a minute when you think in the toilet.

Proven by experience

>get hired at new company
>so big nobody knows anybody
>buy ancient company swag on ebay and put it at your desk
>everyone thinks you're a ten year

Yeeeeeeeee! My granddaughter yelled up to me, "Grandpa, I'm programming!" She was doing some kid code game thing. Ten years old. I can hope, can't I? 😁

"Writing the first 90 percent of a computer program takes 90 percent of the time. The remaining ten percent also takes 90 percent of the time and the final touches also take 90 percent of the time." - N.J. Rubenking

Senior: Why did you refactor those ten files?

Junior: There was a method copy-pasted in every one of them, so I moved it to a utils class.

Senior: Don't you know we will have to test all of those changed classes again? Please, rollback!

Junior: ok.

... two days later ...

Senior: Why did you just copy-paste that method? Don't you know it's bad practice?

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:

"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"

Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"

The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash.

Clickbait will never change.
It's the most stable and constant source of mild annoyance.

2019 internet:

"These 3 programming languages will net you the highest salary"
"Ten home improvement tips using nothing but recycled underwear"
"How to cut onions like a real chef"

2020 internet:

"3 programming languages to learn while being bored in self-quarantine"
"Ten ways to use underwear as facemasks during the pandemic"
"Onions might cure corona, click here to learn how to cut them"

2030 internet:

"These 3 programming languages will increase your chances of survival in the wastelands"
"Ten ways to patch up your shelter against radioactive ashes using old underpants"
"Hydroponic onions are a good source of nutrients. Here's how you cut them with your camping knife"

"Copying one person is stealing. Copying ten is research." - Chet Atkins

ten thousand hundred?

I know that my coworker can't write a single fucking operable line of code. So I wrote a script that is called everytime someone pushes new commits. If the commits contain the username of my coworker, create a ticket in YouTrack with the Label "Rewrite", and assign it to the files changed.
So I had that running for a longer time, and my dumbfuck of coworker hardcoded the credentials of the server in a networking library. One of the credentials was his username. He then updated the copyright on the whole project(which adds a copyright in the top of every file), also in the included librarys(!). The script had a check if the files are related to the project or just librarys. In the end, he pushed all of that with another account(in fact, a reporter account), which had another name(and didn't even belong him). So the files didn't belong to the project, the script sees his username anyways, the script assigns a rewrite, and in the end, everyone in the team thinks I'm mad because I(the script with my account) assigned a rewrite to a HUGE library.

PS: It was great fun to remove these copyright notices.

Co-worker: "Should we keep this server up and running?"
Me: "Hmmm…"
C: "Do we have any other uses for it than the dedicated wiki?"
M: "Not really, and maybe it's time to move to the centralised platform Corporate™ introduced. Have we checked if anyone is using the server?"
C: "Good point, let me see…"
C: "… oh it's been down for last two weeks since the power outage."
M: "I think that answers the question. Let's leave it like this for a month more and if no one complains we can announce it dead"

Boss: hey mech eng, we need a setup modification

Mech: no prob, boss, we can have it prototyped in 3 weeks, industrialized in 2 months

Boss: oh, right then, go on

---

Boss: hey, Soft Eng, we need a functional modification

Soft Eng: no prob boss, we can develop it in 4 hours, tested and documented in 2 hours and integrated and shipped to the client by tomorrow morning

Boss: what??? One day?? You just need to edit a couple of lines of code! I want it ready in ten minutes top!

Vendor says we're "spamming" their API. Look at screenshot - 16 calls in TEN FUCKING MINUTES is apparently creating too much load. 🖕

Oh how I wish I could put them on blast by name...

Can I only pick one?

I don't hate a lack of skill by itself. Incompetence, in my book, refers to a lack of skill combined with being in a position of responsibility.

The junior/intern in my team writes pretty bad code, but that is OK. He asks questions, I give pointers and bounce back his PRs ten times in a row, and he keeps fixing things without complaints.

My boss however... still writes PHP as if he's living in the 90s. He doesn't visit scrum meetings because he "isn't a developer". He thinks of a new feature while pooping, writes it without telling anyone, and throws it into production without making a PR.

After ten months of unemployment, got a call from someone who had taken a class I had taught, and he asked if I was available for a position. I said yes, and got the job without an interview on a one year contract. Three months in, I got an offer to convert to permanent. I've been there 14 years now.

TEN YEAR LOG
FUUUUCK

I spend hours trying to find my bugs. My buddy spends ten minutes and finds it like it's nothing.

At a busy restaurant.
Person 1: oh my God this man here is having a heart attack. Is there a doctor here?
Person 2: here's ten reasons why Kotlin is better than Java for Android development

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."

Corrupt the AI with targeted click baits.

TOP TEN ATTEMPTS BY FLESHBAGS TO OVERTHROW THE CORRECT ORDER OF OPERATIONS. INDEX 6 WILL BE ILLOGICAL TO PROCESS!

A ten minute HTML+CSS coding challenge turned into a 3 days project for my girlfriend xD
Wow :o

I was building a personal website and my friend oversaw it. He said “that looks cool, can I help?” I agreed, why couldn’t he help? Ten minutes in I asked him if he liked our 404 page. He said “what’s the link to the 404 page?” 🤦‍♂️ He’s not on the team no more.

So I used to be a chef, then I got married and decided my weekends and holidays were better spent than making food for ungrateful shit-wagglers, or getting screamed at in Lebanese by the exec Chef during dinner service at the end of a ten-hour shift, so I went back to school for Computer Engineering. I was so worried because I swore compulsively from day one of classes.
Little did I know way back then, the first programming language I ever learned was swearing.

Ten hours of making a fully responsive website for a gf's university class in only pure HTML and CSS made me realize how much I take frameworks for granted.

As a Java developer, reasons to kill other programmers:

- static mutable variables
- WRITING to static mutable variables
- API call with Framework X didn't work. Add Framework Y along with X and try that. Wrap X in try/catch statement. Catch block fires framework Y.
- six, seven, ten levels of nested code. Zero thought put in organization
- 6K LOC Java files
- spring (singleton? Maybe) object assigning values in static mutable (see pt.1)
- a couple of unit tests in code base that no longer work. Zero unit tests in new code
- unit testing disabled in CI pipeline
- empty catch blocks
- pass mutable data between threads. Modify in various places concurrently.

Lost a bet and switched from Vim to VS Code for a day. Ten minutes into, I found myself editing gitignore in the embedded terminal. Something went wrong.

Who the fuck is able to not understand the basics of git. With ten years, supposedly , of front end experience. How in the hell do you not understand version control.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked the "brand manager" if he knew how to reset printers to their defaults before reconfiguring them, knowing full well that he did not. He assured me that he did. I smiled and let him leave.

He called me yesterday, frantic, because he didn't know how to reconfigure a printer that already had a password. After reminding him of the above, I told him how to put the printer in diagnostic mode and how to navigate the menus. Literally: "Turn the printer off, then hold down the feed paper button while turning the printer on. It will print out a bunch of diagnostics, and a menu at the bottom. Just follow the instructions at the bottom to use the menu"

Apparently following simple instructions is well outside of his abilities. After he spent five minutes fighting with it and complaining, I called him and walked him through powering the printer on while holding down the feed paper button. Terribly difficult.

The next step amounts to "hold down the feed paper button for more than 1 second." He spent ten minutes (ten!) on this unimaginably challenging step, and, frustrated at his inability to outsmart a simple button, he gave up completely.

He literally couldn't follow the instructions on the printout. I've attached a picture to show how ridiculous this is, and it saddens me terribly to report that I'm quite serious. he was literally unable to figure this out.

HE SPENT TEN MINUTES TRYING TO PUSH A BUTTON FOR >1 SECOND! TEN MINUTES!
That's what was too difficult for him! A button! With written instructions!

I can't even.

But the kicker?
Now he and the bossman want me to drive half an hour so I can push a button for ~1.2 seconds because they're utterly incapable.

I'm soo done.
So. done.

Just spent like ten minutes searching why my api always returned false.
I forgot, that I am using Java and therefore cant compare strings using equal signs 🤦‍♂️

The stuff I wrote never got more than ten users :(

That's Microsofts lesson: How to count to ten?

Came to work and there ware my boss and CEO waiting there next to my place.

"Hey, you remember that you mentioned yesterday that you had a break through and the thing is finally starting to do something? We have few journalist downstairs can we show them a demo in like five minutes?"

"Ok, give me five minutes and don't click here and there otherwise it blows up."

My boss came back from presentation after ten minutes that it doesn't work, after little investigation turns out to be hw issue, replaced hardware went to the conference room and it worked.

Crazy deadlines? No, just another day at work.

When you start programming and ten minutes later you see you've been progamming for three hours and you're like WHATTAFACK JUST HAPPENED

To sum up yesterday:
A pigeon flew into the classroom in school so I think we did pigeon debugging.

The questions asked were: "Why would you fly into a building" and mostly "how the fuck did you know which of the ten windows are open?!"

a U.S. company that places an order for 100,000 integrated circuits with a Japanese manufacturer. Part of the specification was the defect rate: one chip in 10,000. A few weeks later the order arrived: one large box containing thousands of ICs, and a small one containing just ten. Attached to the small box was a label that read: "These are the faulty ones."

11:45pm
I better go brush my teeth and do all my other things, to be safely and happily in bed with plenty of time to get a good night's sleep.

11:52pm
I am done doing those things. I sit back down in front of the computer to start closing apps to shut it down.

11:53pm
I get an idea to write a script to more effectively launch my remmina sessions with keywords in my keyboard launcher. It will take about ten minutes to write.

2:07am
The script is pretty much done, and I've done 37 quizzes on jetpunk.

Uh...all of them? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I used to work with a 'floor supervisor' who vaped excessively and obnoxiously. He had one of those things that made vapor like a space shuttle launch too. When he was talking during conference calls or presentations, rapt attention and respect were demanded. When anyone else was presenting, *whoosh*, big cloud of vapor, right in front of the screen, right in the presenter's face. It looked like the building was on fire ten minutes in. Opening the door was like getting out of a car that's been hotboxed. That guy was a douche.

Our company just had a meeting with another company which are our main investors for a project for the next quarter. I sit down next to my team lead and we all wait for their last HR person to arrive. Ten minutes later a girl which I hooked up with last week walks in and sits next to the other company's "main boss". Spoiler alert, she is the bosses daughter.

We might pull out from the project but I sure didn't last week.

I hope this rant doesn't get deleted...

Once a Swidish programmer from our remote offices came to our office for a week (4 people office, we occupied three seats). He used to sigh loudly after every ten lines of code he wrote. One programmer in our office got so pissed at him that she would randomly yell at him without him knowing (using our local language which he didn't know)

Ive just bought a domain name for my nephew of now 36 hours old. Ive a really common lastname and it took me 8 years to get a domainname with my name in it.

By the time he is ten (or how old they will be when they get their first email address) he will have his own personalized email and when they learn the basics of programming he can use his own domain for his site.

It bothers the shit out of me when I see grown-ass adults who still don't know how to type on a keyboard.

After ten months. I still hate Instagram's algorithmic news feed. Just because I like a lot of memes doesn't mean I want to miss out on my rarely-posting-friend's posts thanks.
While the chronological feed is never coming back, I just wish they'd add a switch and let us choose what we like.

Every student knows the struggle of opening the Downloads folder on a school computer. Gigabytes of information that will never be accessed again and at least ten versions of the same document.

Have a client that has a very, very large format printer (think billboards). It's on their network as just another printer, with no special security because everyone "knows" never to print to it....except the new employee who printed her direct-deposit info to it. Got about ten feet(!) into the job before someone realized it wasn't an authorized job.

Ten years ago friends called me because they installed Linux and grub messed everything up

Ten years later nothing changed

We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.

On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.

In Russia we call PS/2 “пс пополам”, literally “ps divided by two”. Reminds me of French numbers system where they call say 99 “quatre vingt dix neuf”, literally a “four times twenty plus ten plus nine”

>Recruiter: So you have worked with Java for about ten years now.
>Me: Yes.
>Recruiter: What do you like the most about Java?
>Me: ...

I have rather been enjoying MS Visual Studio Code of late. Ten years ago when I was deep in my Linux phase the thought of anything Microsoft would make me burst into flames.

Question - Am I now evil, having turned my back on sublime text, atom and a plethora of other editors?

Today I spent ten minutes because I didn't see the difference between 'cmp' and 'cpm'

Do I have a slight case of dyslexia? :O

It must be so difficult to be a dyslexic programmer :O

So our university website was recently refurbished with new design. But fucking hell it's bad. Not only the whole website is full of bugs, the design choices are extremely poor.

Sometimes, when I open a course page, it opens a modal with undefined as it's title. And I have to click close button ten times to close the modal.

I can't even blame university. The guy was a former student and Uni probably trusted him. What a retard!

Learn C++ in ten minutes... like dude seriously

Just found a humongous bug in production. The customer relation number, which should have been unique was shared by ten customers.
So instead of 400,000 relation numbers we only had 40,000 unique numbers.

The system is live for 3 weeks now, and we just fixed it on a friday at 5:30PM

If we had found out a week later every customer would have gotten a plastic card with the wrong number, because the cards will be printed in four days...

Not going to one because crowds give me panic attacks unless I've had a beer or ten

I get asked a lot of random questions. Today's climbs to the top ten:

"Does anybody own a hamster? Marketing is asking for one"

Me in my head: I've got this great idea for an app. You can probably build it in a hour. This is going to be awesome!

Ten minutes later: Screw this, can't be bothered anymore. What's on tv.?

I’m debugging some intermittently failing specs.

The problem is, they only fail when RUNNING THE ENTIRE FUCKING FILE, which, naturally, takes TEN FUCKING YEARS.

And it’s not like they fail when they get run first. No. They only fail when run near the end.

ASDFHSGSKSHDHDKAJDKF

Last year the rewrite of an ancient system (VB6/mainframe COBOL) was started. Instead of moving to modern architecture management decided to rewrite the app's functionality into our last gen WinForms client/server arch. I set up a meeting to present alternatives and plead for some level of modernization. After presenting and asking management to plan for five to ten years in the future instead of just this year's budget my director said, "In five to ten years I'll be retired on a beach in Tahiti and this will be your problem to solve." It was the last straw and I left the company shortly after. Last week I found out the director was force retired out of the company. I sent her a congratulations slip and a cocktail umbrella with "Tahiti" written on it.

Hello World! 👋
A newbie to DevRant..

Disappeared into an epic ten day coding session. It was interrupted only when someone decoded to check I was alive.

Ten days is shorter than I expected but still, I'd be physically starting to rot at that point.

The other month i went into work, excited to actually get something done. On top of that it was yearly bonus day. Quick check on adp to see the bonus and nothing there. Email my boss and ask whats up. Ten minutes later i am unemployed after two years because of a cultural fit. No warnings, nothing bd said about my work, made all the deadlines. Guess they didnt want to say budget cut. Haven't replaced me yet.

Wish me luck. I HAVE to launch 10 websites (yes, ten) this week and half if not all of the clients don't know their DNS accounts or log ins. I foresee a lot of long nights in my near future. Story of our life, right?

!rant
!!devRant

Is it just my device, or are images not loading?
I've seen maybe ten image posts today, and only the Firefox one would load.

1. If you dont know, say: Let me check that and get back to you.
2. ALWAYS use legit test-data and test-images.
3. Never argue ten minutes about something you can fix in ten minutes.
4. Fuck blame or glory. Just refactor and commit and feel proud about youself.

Today I was being social, apparently not a success.

In the train on the way to work I had a talk with a cute girl. Ten minutes in the conversation she started putting on makeup, to which I replied that she looked great without makeup as well.

Then she was offended and put on music...

Apparently you cant give compliments

Today was not a good day for me at all ,being considered a junior developer is not a good thing.
Yes I know due to my lack of the understanding of your 3 years old code base I could not meet up with the deadlines.
So as a punishment one of our senior devs asked me to bring my chair to his desk and told me to commit and push my progress every ten minutes .
He'll then review reading each code line by line ., Reverting too.
The worst part was that for the ten minutes I'll need to wait another 5 , because he was watching some Fifa19 gameplays on YouTube.
This went on for 3 hours .

It worked because I feel like a title noob today .

I just switched up my temperature sensors and attached a TMP36 in place of the usual DS18B20.

I did my usual pinout and turned on my Pi, then compiled Python3.6 because I needed it for asyncio.

Ten minutes later when I entered my room again, my Pi was fried and the sensor was smoking.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKK

On the twelfth day of Christmas
programming gave to me:
Twelve bugs in public branch
Eleven errors to fix
Ten freaking warnings
Nine Windows Updates
Eight blue screens of deaths
Seven minutes of compiling
Six servers down
Five Android Studio crashes
Four angry stackoverflow devs
Three kernel panics
Two burned graphics cards
and a one broken-dick piece of shit JavaScript framework

In the last one and a half days I optimized our Angular UnitTests. There‘re written with Karma and Jasmine. Before the optimization they needed ten minutes for around 400 tests. Now the same tests are executed in 12 seconds.

The hardest part about writing an app is getting anyone to find it :( on that note, please help? <3
If you have little ones I promise they'll enjoy it! it might even get you an hour or two of quiet coding time.
Tap the top bar on the main menu that says 'My First Puzzles' ten times to get prompted for a secret code (3hfazJUD) to unlock all packs free :)

While interviewing someone for a DevOps position, he admits having only started on this subject a year ago. This is no big deal.
When asked how he keeps up-to-date, he answered "I haven't for the last ten months".
Well, that was not the answer that I expected...

So I have a chrome extension, and someone reviewed it. At first she gave me one star, and wrote "extension is not working, bad UI, not good!" And ten minutes later, she gave me five stars and wrote "good extension, good features, working fine, good UI, loved it".
I saw this a week after, and I wonder: what happened in these ten minutes?

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:

"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"

Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?"

The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash."

At my last startup, the company decided to formally adopt core values after being in business for ten years already. They even emblazoned them on a mouse pad and sent it out to every employee as company swag. I quickly learned that those values were more for show. It was a sign of the culture going downhill. Values included teamwork and collaboration. But since I was only an IC and wasn’t a manager or director or VP, I was expected to be a mindless worker bee. Even when I just asked logical followup questions, I was treated like I was being insubordinate and “questioning their requests.”

JavaScript is ok. But I'm really hoping it will be fully replaced by webassembly within the next ten years.

Holy shit, UNIX is really ten thousand days old?

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in here a flat tire. three men try to solve the problem

the project manager said: let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we will reach out destination.

the computer programmer said: we have drivers guide.I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.

commuter operator said: first of all turnoff the engine and turn it on again. may be it will fix the problem.

suddenly a Microsoft engineer passed by and said: try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get on and try again.

Fifteen minutes of coding
Fifteen minutes of specs

Five minutes of debugging
Two minutes of specs (just failures)

Thirty seconds of tweaking
Two minutes of specs

Ten seconds of tweaking
Two minutes of specs

Realize I made a typo due to RubyMine input lag
Two minutes of specs

Ten seconds of fixing and tweaking
Two minutes of specs

And so it goes.
All. day. long.

Sometimes it repeats.
That’s sort of nice.

Is it any wonder I can’t focus?

Thirty hours over two weeks, but we finally patched a angular app that was originally built on 2 (alpha) to 4, reducing the load time ten fold.

Don't thank me, thank super duck. The duck with the power to debug any code.

Gawd I'm tired.

Dad showed me how to build a computer when I was three. Then he spent the next ten years explaining how variables work over and over.

Then I freaked out about being poor forever, applied to one of the cheapest 4-year colleges in state, and am doing my best to do that whole Computer Science thing.

I love and hate at the same time how the dependencies of some projects can turn into projects themselves.

Working on a quite big project right now and need notifications in the form of smartphone notifications/signal messages/emails right now for that which is nearly all working but now I'm realizing that it'd be ten times more useful to write a general messaging gateway/API wich can be called through a url which handles any type of messaging/notifications I need to send out.

Love it because those kinda projects are useful and awesome imo but that'd be YET ANOTHER project 😅😥

!rant

Cursee Station : The Keyboard

Prologue : I found /r/battlestations first and then the famous devdesk campaign came. I have been surviving with two potatoes laptops for years. One potato is big and one is small. Nevertheless both are 🥔. All in all, I made up my mind to own a proper dev desk. (even if not perfect)

And I'm starting with having a good Keyboard.

Requirements:
- mechanical
- minimal
- space saving
- wired
- backlit
- maintainable
- durable
- less than $90

Chosen One:
Drevo Tyrfing V2 Ten-keyless RGB Mechanical Keyboard

I have asked my gf who is temporarily at Japan to buy it from amazon.co.jp for me.

May I hear reviews and feedbacks from anyone who have used it?

if I would have got as many right swipes on tinder as likes of devrant I would have ten gfs five wives and lot of kids

No matter how you read it, am ten over ten.

Please help me to get ten "+1". I want new stickers for my laptop 😃😃

Hey from Ireland folks. Currently trying to get myself into Dev. Ten years of customer services. 7 in technical support. Now supporting developers for 5 languages. Nice to meet ya'll

Yeaaahhh that moment when the program flawlessly crunches through ten thousands of files, only limited by the slowish HDD! :-)

In full multi-threading, tons of dynamic buffer resizing, pointer shit left and right, also two star programming, and everything written in raw C!

Had a mental breakdown a few days ago. Crying like it's the end of the world when computer stopped working. I was a Picasso drawing of the hysteria, basically.

My exams are getting near, I'm really not ready; yet this chick keeps asking me about ten euros I borrowed from her a year and something back when we were going to a club they asked me to go to with them... Given her persistence that I should wire her the money (no PayPal tho) I assume she's up to something super shady. Why does she need my account info for?

Anyways, being annoyed by only ten euros (in our currency, it's not much, btw. It's less than two bags of expensive chips, or 5 dozen of the cheapest eggs on the market) and not studying enough, there is also my work. I feel so incompetent that I may just resign. Like... I'm not smart enough for this project. 😢 And I'm aware of it.

Put that on the side with this uni's project, which is very "Urghhhhh" because of too many people working on the same project, some of who need to be sent back to kindergarten to learn how to cooperate with others.

And in the middle of all of that, I'm trying to stay as zen as possible until the next mental breakdown. 😑😑😐

Thank you for reading this rant.

Once upon a time, devs were evaluated on the number of source lines of code written, and how many bugs were found and fixed. Needless to say, a ten line piece of code became 150 lines, a couple of bugs would be thrown in for good measure.

In `Computer Fundamental` class

friend: What 1 + 1 equal to?
me: two.
friend: ...no, it's equal to ten.
me: oh fuck!

So pleased I've got a week off work, I can just relax without even thinking about development. Ahh bliss.

*Opens Visual Studio ten minutes later*

Pintrest-like thing: Ten things you didn't know you could do with your android phone
(Picture shows a guy holding sole phone with iOS)

Considering Ben10s aliens are ten different apps, this is what my client wants

them: "Is it done yet?"

wisecrack: "Not yet."

them: "How close do you think you are to being done?"

wisecrack:"Dunno. It's going smooth though."

them:"well do you think it'll be done in a few days?"

wisecrack:"Well I don't know. Depends on if you want to keep playing 20 questions instead of letting me work."

them:"Well I'm just excited."

Wisecrack: "Ok."

Literal conversation I just had ten minutes ago.

Less excited each day I have to answer the same set of questions, sometimes multiple times a day as if I know the answer.

What do I look like, a professional developer?

There you are, fiddling with next.js webpack settings, because your isomorphic JS-in-CSS-in-JS SSR fallback from react-native-web to react-dom throws a runtime error on your SSR prerendering server during isomorphic asynchronous data prefetching from Kubernetes backend-for-frontend edge-server with GraphQL.

You have all that tech to display a landing page with an email form, just to send spam emails with ten tracking links and five tracking beacons per email.

Your product can be replaced by an Excel document made in two days.

It was developed in two years by a team of ten developers crunching every day under twelve project managers that can be replaced with a parrot trained to say “Any updates?”

Your evaluation is $5M+. You have 10,000 dependency security warnings, 1000 likes on Product Hunt, 500 comments on Hacker News, and a popular Twitter account.

Your future looks bright. You finish your coffee, crack your knuckles and carry on writing unit tests.

My highschool computer eng. teacher works in IT and he was telling us about one of his first days of working for a company and he said "Whenever we had a stupid client or customer, we'd tell each other that we had a 'one D ten T' as a code because it sounds professional. But really, it spells 1D10T"

Lame but it cracked us up and I thought I might share lol

I fucking hate malls.

People don't walk in any regular pattern or at the same speed. Full of smelly kids and their dumbstruck parents. I REALLY do not understand how some choose to spend their time at the mall as a recreational activity (other than going with a specific destination in mine, like the cinema). Whenever the circumstances force me to wonder around one for more than ten minutes, for me it's the equivalent of several hours of work, energywise.

Generally I hate people, but malls are the places where I hate them the most. Fuck!

Am I the only one who gets extremely nervous the night before an interview as that technical test can encompass the entire academic field of CS. I'm just worried I'll forget the difference between a clustered and non-clustered index or fail to convey the difference between TDD and BDD.

I'm ten years in to my career now, so I 'should' know my stuff. I've produced the tests my self, hired other devs, but I still feel the nerves.

I opened an issue on a repo telling the owner that placing a "test passing" badge on the readme but not having other tests than an "ExampleTest" and no tests of the actual functionality is bad practice and what he thinks about updating the readme.

The result was a deletion (not close) of the issue and a ban from contributing (issues, PRs) on any of his projects.

And it was not some small "ten persons use this" project but a large boilerplate project with 2.4k github stars and over 800 forks. You would expect a little bit more professionalism of someone with that popularity.

NEW TALES FROM THE FUCKING CRYPT. It's disgusting...

... how managers keep to invest money into totally useless gadgets at the company to keep themselves motivated with stupid toys, tech and gear. WHY in fucks name would you not spend the money on hiring more devs and a dev consultant?

It's funny how they presented the stats first: "yea well we have ten big projects in dev right now" (we are FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, tells you everything, right) "... BUT WE HAVE BOUGHT NEW SCOOTERS FOR THE COMPANY!".

Ok... why though? Who would actually use those things except the ones that bought them. Just another way of spending more money to reduce the promised employee return on the company's profit...

What the fuck is up with interviewing these days. Now I have to invent a video game and work for free for ten hours just to find out I have no idea what the fuck video programming has to do with frontend. You kids need to figure this shit out. It’s really fucking annnoying.

When I finally got the magic number I felt like shouting, "Woo! Ten points for Gryffindor!"

I've been been in consulting doing systems implementations for about a decade. I just started a new e-commerce project with perhaps the most agreeable client I've ever encountered - in fact they're extremely eager to make my job easier. Just today one of the stakeholders, completely seriously, uttered the phrase "maybe we don't need to care about IE".

After ten years living thru every client cliche imaginable over and over again I now find I don't know how to trust. Their acceptance of best practices and my recommendations is almost unnerving...

I freelanced for a startup one time, and found out they had ten of thousands of records stored in their DB about dental patients, inducing name, address, social security #, some medical history, etc. All in plain text. Worst part is they hired me after a 20 min phone call, and didn't even sign a NDA!

Makes me paranoid to use the Internet knowing what some of these companies do.

The team spirit in our team has improved over the past 1 month with this etiquette..
*walk up to team member
*no greetings
Just say " bring yourself back online"
Watch them light up..share those ten Westworld seconds..ask for what you need
..and the hell back to your desk
..cheers

Job hunt update:

- Rejected by one via email
- Applying to two more today
- Ghosted (?) by the other 5 so far

but hey, it's only been over two weeks for those 5 others! why should i expect efficiency from a company that wants a TeN X DeVeLoPeR? I'll bring my decade+ experience and you can just get around to it... you know, when you feel like!

🤡

So, last night I came home from work and "Kung Fu Hustle" was on (cable). I watched it for like ten minutes and then turned it off. Didn't even think about it after.

Just a couple of hours ago I was on YouTube and a clip from that movie came up as a suggested video. On a browser where I'm not logged in. On a computer that's not mine. That is behind a proxy server. That is in a continent far away from me.

Am I crazy or that is actually Google doing that?

Is there any cli tool to train 10 finger typing on linux in the terminal?

I had code waiting in review for ten days, blocking other work. On the eleventh day, the final reviewer (who was standing behind me as I wrote it) says "I'm not sure that I agree with the design, here."

I get you, man, I can re-write the algorithm, but I am so not in that context anymore and you've just delayed release of the feature by at least a week. Ugggh.

Fuck me sideways. I work for a small business doing most of their IT work, a lot of which is in-house software development. Today I was working on a feature of our employee schedule system that I wrote and for the last couple of hours, my laptop (which is my dev machine) kept freezing up on me every ten minutes or so... 😬

Well, I finally found the cause, but only after running apt-get update/upgrade to see if updating fixed the issue. I haven't updated in a LONG time... Productivity is not on the agenda for today I suppose.

Step away from the computer. Sometimes I go and lie on the grass outside the office for ten minutes, and come back with a better idea of what I'm doing. And with a little more energy with which to do it.

Another rant reminded me of one of my dad’s favorite sayings about experience...

Some people have ten years of experience. Others have one year of experience repeated ten times.

..and for ohers, the recursion interval is shorter still...

As a bonus, here’s another personal favorite: “Nobody’s completely useless. They can always be used as a bad example.”

I want to be the CTO in ten years. I'm 25 now, and think it's possible. My former boss was the CTO and he inspired the hell out of me to work hard and invest in myself. I have a lot to learn but I'm eager to figure it out.

I had my first crash on Windows 10. It takes ten seconds for Microsoft to take the crash info but, 10 hours to update.

@$&#! Grrrr... FACEBOOK API SUCK, A FUCKING CATASTROPHE, TEN POUNDS OF SHIT IN A FIVE POUND BAG... !#&$@

That's it, thanks for listening, i'm out. 🙃

I went to a medical party this weekend. For about ten hours my girls' radar was DDoS! :D

How to troll yourself chapter # 533

- Spend ten minutes of wondering how the app suddenly synchronizes authentication when opened once in chrome and once in firefox
- develop the wildest theories
- realize that they are actually two firefox windows

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A drunk who drove into a tree

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me

Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree....

Twelve beaten children
Eleven drive-by shootings
Ten frozen homeless
Nine amputations
Eight burn victims
Seven strangled shoppers
Six random knifings
Five suicides
Four beaten wives
Three O.D.'s
Two shattered skulls
And a drunk who drove into a tree

Me and tech coworker opens office front door. Another coworker starts ranting how he accidentally hit som key combo and started some speech synthesis feature in Windows. Me and tech coworker both declared we had never heard of that feature before.
Ten minutes goes by, then muggle coworker comes by asking for help to turn it off. Tech coworker Googles solution in literally 6 seconds on the phone without even stopping the conversation we had going on when muggle interrupted.

How is it that muggles haven't found out that the Internet contains stuff?! And that it's searchable!!

Gaaaahhh

A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers.

The teacher walks in and asks this question:"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane).

One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"Nine developers raised their hands.

The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?

"The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground

Me on Windows: Connecting headphones via Bluetooth, starting to play some music.

Ten minutes later, Windows: Setting up device
-> Headphones stop working

TL:DR
Fuck you Windows and fuck you game developers who don't support Linux

Spend two hours debugging code. Found out I misspelled "environment". FML.

If I uncheck the "stay signed in" checkbox on login, don't have it checked when I need to sign in again. Especially, don't do that and make me sign in ten times when I'm just navigating your page.

Try to avoid making the website for people like yourself, because not everyone is stupid.

I can't believe how many videos I see of some shell/terminal wizard typing in 'clear'..
*CTRL -L

Ten people asking me for updates about the same issue doesn't make me solve it any faster!

My girlfriend seemed offended when I mentioned that I use pi-day as a memory rule for her birthday.
I always thought any way to make one remember such days better would be good…

The biggest hurdle I overcame on my dev career was coming back to a full time job after a few years spent on a "hippie phase" combining work as an artisan, content developer and editor, and just a few freelance dev jobs. It was all a struggle to start again thinking of myself as "junior again" surrounded by people ten or fifteen years younger than me. But I kept myself over the tidal web and here I am, a Senior again.

I love when you stare at a problem for like an hour, then go eat a burrito, ten come back and instantly realise the solution

After ten hours of programming work, what could be more relaxing than watching a stream about programming?
When I mentioned that in the chat, the streamer reacted with this here:

Spent ten plus years professionally coding, used c, go , python, openwhisk ,docker, kubernetes and God know what else. Now I have to convince those team members who coded so far in their free time that write fucking clean code, avoid dependency on distributed and hard coded configuration, how to build a product
Fuck my life

I've never liked Quora, but today I decided to sign up because I had an interesting question to ask, about my solution for an angular problem and why it could not be applicable.
Five minutes later 6 people followed my post.
Ten minutes later my question disappeared and nobody knows where the hell it went. WTF? My question count passed from 1 to 0, it disappeared from my profile and from the whole website. No notifies, no emails about it. What the hell happened?

Co-worker: "I'm getting files from customers which are in multiple types and encodings. Is there a way to force them to send only us-ascii so my tool gets only one kind which is easier to parse?"

Me: "Welcome to programming with arbitrary sources; you'll just have to build your tools to figure it out and not break (just rely on dozens of existing tools which you refuse to use)"

Ten ways to fail at public key cryptography, Today:

When encrypting a file for your coworker, encrypt for your own key instead of his/hers

After ten years of working sh*t jobs I finally got the chance to study CompSci at a top university... All the kids look at me as if I've been programming for years, truth is I just study a lot because my scholarship requires me to get B+ or above.

Epic code fight broke out today when one developer fronted himself for leader due to having beat all the metrics by a factor of ten. Claimed he could replace the entire department based on LOC alone.

Another developer told him to fucking zip it.

After almost coming to blows someone managed to explain to him that he had to put his code into a compressed archive.

As it compressed to ten times smaller than the next smallest contribution he declared victory because his compressed better. Another developer joked better call bomb squad.

I'd just like to thank the developers on the pornhub site for their amazing work.

I have a shitty internet connection that cuts off every ten seconds and reconnects after 30 seconds. I was searching for a particular channel when my connection cut off just as I wrote 'fake' when it reconnected 30 seconds later, the search autocompleted itself. thank you very much you amazing programmers.

If you are not satisfied with the framework you have used, try to see its source code. It will surely make you feel calmed.

I don’t know what’s so attractive about this bad boy released ten years ago, but I just… want it? By the way, it runs on x86.

One of the worst parts of being a nuclear engineer is the ancient codes and programs we use.
Like seriously.
Are we all THAT lazy to get a fucking working VisEd and MCNP written in a comprehensive language like python??
I just want to go to work and not have to scroll through thousands of pages of documentation. I just want my geometry to be defined easily and not wonko shit where the sphere exists inside and outside the mesh tally. I JUST WANT A SPHERE TALLY MESH, THE MULTIDIMENSIONAL EXISTENCE OF THIS SPHERE IS UNNECESSARY AND NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND I LIVE IN LESS THAN TEN DIMENSIONS UNLIKE TECHNOLOGY

I was sick the entire week, told my boss about it. I was really enthusiastic about the work and also didn't want to let other people down, so I went, even though I didn't have to.
Today this asshole screams at me for being late and goes on about the broken trust between us etc.
This motherfucker. I showed up, for a whole week, in pain, despite not having to do so. I had to punch the bathroom walls for ten minutes in order to get rid of all the anger.

TL;DR:
Never do more than required, it will absolutely come back to hit you.

Sometimes I sit and wonder if macOS will ever get to version 11.

I worked at a computer repair shop about ten years ago and had a coworker who seemed like a pretty cool guy, very smart, and a few years after I left that job I tried to look him up online to reconnect - I thought there was a potential friendship there. But the weird thing was, for all of his technical savvy, his online presence was almost non-existent. I found him tucked away in some old posts on some weird forum site, so I registered on it just to send him a PM. Unfortunately he never responded.

Looking forward to 2017, and working ten times harder to get my business running like a well oiled machine and getting lots of well paying clients. Also would like to manage stress better :)

So when someone rings at my door the music volume is set to zero and the previous volume is cached to restore it ten seconds later. When then this person rings another time within this 10 seconds, the zero volume is cached an the fun begins.

Been teaching for this place a while. Still have yet to be paid or properly onboarded. Needless to say, I've emailed them a half dozen times already about it. And including colleagues, have talked to probably ten different people. Monday morning and all of next week until they reply. I will be @channel-ing their primary slack channel until this is resolved. Just curious how much faster devRant will get back to me before these douchebags? <3

private static final int TEN = 10;
private static final double THOUSAND = 1000.0D;

[a copy-paste from our repo]

In 2006, everyone thought that earth will be a better place ten years later...

Then came Pokémon Go.

Hey Microsoft:

It’s time to murder the everliving f out of the pathetic existence that remains of Internet Explorer.

I’m stick of worrying about supporting a dying browser. Pull the plug and let the morons who refused the past ten years to make their systems compatible with more than one browser suffer the consequences. It was their own damn fault after all.

Every time i got fired. So thats 6. At least in the past ten years. Every time i saw colleages get fired. So double that. Every 10nth job interview i went to. Maybe i should say i doubt my dev future every single fucking day.

i am (somewhat unreasonably) mad at a ten year old classmate of my child. he showed off his programming skills by typing print commands. i wanted to mock him a little by pointing out python 2 would be out of date. he called my child a noob and suggested i don't know shit and he'd be coding c++.

so beside me obviously having no dignity for mocking someone quarter my age, i am not even mad for him talking shit about me, i am just overwhelmingly disappointed about his entitlement and blatant lies. so this is the future? this is an uprising nerd? i'd love to encourage every child on programming, but not with this attitude.

I walked into a company, sat down with the interviewer who was more nervous than I was. Interview lasted 10 minutes. I drove an hour for to and from trip, for a ten minute interview...

Moving flats in about an hour, wrapped my desktop in multiple blankets and bubble wrap, and that times ten for my monitors, I'm fearing for my life here guys

What’s your best answer to “how long will it take you to find and fix that bug?”

It drives me fucking nuts!
“I don’t know (ffs), could be ten minutes, could be ten weeks.” - that’s by default right know, but that’s not always appropriate.

You guys have maybe analogies that managers understand ?

The last communication we had was me asking you if you would like a service for that, with no response? And now, ten days later, you’d like an update on when it will be available?

Well I raised a pull request on your side a week ago, your developers have just been ignoring it.

What? No, I don’t know when it will be merged and ready.

We just moved from ClearCase to git and got to deleted all the dead code and unlinked files that have been stuck in the repository for ten years. The most satisfying toilet flush ever.

When someone merged in unformatted code and then they put up a pull request saying that they changed these ten things and formatted the code and the entire file is different...

Achievement Completed: Two to the ten- Oh wait...

Social networks would be mostly social graves in less ten years.

I'd like an Report as off topic-button. Ten reports and it's removed?

The more I investigate mobile development the more it becomes apparent to me that modern development is a *massive* pile of technical debt thats going to burst, crash, and burn one day, along with the entire industry.

If it takes a newbie more than ten minutes in your framework to add a fucking *button* and navigate to a new screen, then your framework is shit.

After 4 years off apprenticeship and 10 days of totally focused work I just turned in my final exam! (45 Minutes ago)

The final exam for IT professionals (here in Switzerland) is a project that you work on for ten days at your workplace.

I thought I would feel relieved in any way.

But honestly, there are only two things in my head right now:

Tiredness
And
The constant thought off what could be wrong

I AM TOO TIRED FOR EVERYTHING!

The only thing that keeps me alive for now is the music shaking my ears

*class ends, close laptop*

Ten hours later (right now)

Me: 😶 can't remember why these unit tests failed... Let's run again and see why.

*build success, runs more test cases and tests, all builds fine*

Best feel ever 😎

Gotta make a bullshit deck, not really my job, but I guess it makes a change...

Right-click, save image.

It's a webp file...

...oh just FUCK OFF WEBP YOU F-oh, actually, I'm making this in Google Slides. That's literally their own format! I'll just save these as webp, no need to worry.

(ten minutes and lots of saving later)

Drag a webp file into Google Slides, in Google Chrome:

"Sorry, this format is not supported."

Even your parents hate you, webp. Time to have a nice bath with a bar heater, webp.

Trying to learn Angular and reactjs, reading up the tutorial or documentation...

Why the hell are there ten million more shit I need to look at first? (such as rxjs, Babel, webpack... and whatever the fuck they are)

Now am I supposed to master those ten million tools/libraries before I can proceed?

Of course there is no ten million but mentally it's no difference. I'm just fed up with this.

Any hospital manager can manage ten IT departments simultaneously, any IT manager can’t even manage his own emails, let alone one department. Change my mind.

Sometimes I get so excited about doing something that I'm genuinely happy. But when the initial high fades and I'm ten layers of complex code problems deep I always remember how useless I really am

Oh but this time it's gonna be different.
yeah right

Ok so first off i cant get my damn mic working, despite every setting change i can find and every driver update i can do and every damn mic i've used. Then i try updating windows ten because maybe thats the problem, sure enough after i've done that my whole damn computer is messed up. Even opening folders or applications take between five and ten minutes. Not to mention i can't open my windows settings to rollback. I literally build and fix computers for a living and yet i have not clue what else i can do at this point. Think i might renounce technology and float off into the Atlantic on a plank of wood :/

I dont understand why we must use PHP to
understand OOP

Im a student software developer and this is the first time i will learn about Object Oriented programming but i dont know man im really confused why our prof makes us use PHP to understand the concept of OOP rather than to learn Python or Java which is ten times easier for an OOP based application

I can understand that PHP can be used for OOP but why just why... can someone please explain why this might be and how does it feel to use PHP for OOP purpouses

Vim is like the ten-finger system.
Once you get used to it it's amazing!
#JoinTheVimmingTeam

My first exposure was a Windows 98 computer around 2002 (i was ten at the time). I got to play classics like Prince of Persia, Commander Keen, Jazz Jackrabbbit, Duke Nukem, Doom + other sharewares. My favorites was the point and clicks like King's Quest, LucasFilms stuff and The Longest Journey.

Edit: I'll add Willy Beamish as another favorite

I just recalled I once had to explain to my CTO what’s the difference between stack and heap memory

It baffled me a little bit, but contrary to what one might perhaps expect, this was a guy who was already making a living off of programming for about ten years selling his software to various clients, so he was clearly competent enough to create software that works, and he had in fact put this startup on its feet operationally with it already being profitable before outside investments were secured

And here I was with my theoretical CS knowledge making zero bucks before getting this job

From two fingers to ten
We grew up a lot.😏
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Typing

FML. I JUST realized devRant can push notifications. I don't have to open the app every ten minutes now. 🤖

* 3 months ago *
Vendor: We screwed up and need to start the project from the scratch, this delays the project completion by a year.
Me: OK. Anything you need from me?
V: The good news is that you've given us all we need. Everything should be fine to submit and review by the end of March. (Deadline for 2018 completion is mid-April 2017)

* This week *
Vendor: We need this (partially unspecified) documentation urgently, and also we're missing these parts (~3 weeks effort).
All of which could've been started 3 months ago…

I've finally started playing a MUD game in my spare time. I gotta say, it's kinda awesome. And, BONUS: it looks like I'm actually working since the interface is just a text terminal.

I’ve had meetings specifically for team A’s problems. Team B gets invited to assist. Within ten minutes the meeting was all about team B and none of team A’s problems were solved. “Team B” is notorious for hijacking meetings. I’m not a psychologist. I don’t feel qualified to speculate about WHY they do this...

Writing 20k lines of code and finally during compilation more numbers of errors....Life ends here....

Ten to seven, Friday, still working. Praying this build finishes successfully 👌

So I'm writing a function in Unity3D that walks a rectangular grid. At one place in the code, I got the x+y coordinates backwards, which caused the function to infinitely loop between two coordinates.

Not seeing a way to kill the loop, I looked it up on Google. The suggestions I get are. . .

1. You need to kill the Unity3D task and lose your edits because the environment and the player run on the same thread.
2. You can pay ten bucks for an extension that lets you break out of infinite loops.
3. You should really avoid writing infinite loops. That's just bad form.

SERIOUSLY?

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!

You know it's some serious shit when you have ten terminals open on a Friday.

I once thought writing huge lines of code makes it tough and messy, when i was learning Java.
Then I met with BrainFuck...
Name is trully justified.

Damn you LEGO, you get more than 450€ for this shit, but it's as fast as the brick it is. Surely, even back in 2013 you could've dome better than bloody 300Mhz and 64MB RAM?! This is the bloody hello world project and it takes you an hour to create it? And you also want like ten minutes to start maven in the first place?

It's 20-freakin'-17. Why aren't decent internet speeds the norm yet? (And I'm not taking about rural areas, I mean near the town center). If my and a friend are both streaming a movie, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING GIVE UP HALFWAY THROUGH JUST BECAUSE HE HAS TO KEEP PAUSING SO FREQUENTLY TO FUCKING BUFFER THE DARN FUCKING THING! WHY!? I CAN'T FUCKING FOLLOW A MOVIE IF THERE ARE CONSTANT FUCKING INTERUPTIONS EVERY TEN OR SO FUCKING MINUTES FUUUUUUUUCCK.