Interviewer: "I checked your Github, your side projects look very interesting! Tell me about your other hobbies."

Me: "other hobbies?"

Windows 9 uses IPv5

1. I join a company.

2. I get deeply involved in "how to run the company", and get nice compliments from both coworkers & management about my skills in conveying startup/scaleup advice & necessities to upper management.

3. With my ego inflated through all the sweet talk, I think "ah, what the hell, let's do this again", and I accept a Lead/CTO promotion. I have to join board meetings, write reports on quarterly plans and progress.

4. I get unhappy/stressed/burned-out because I really just want to be a developer, not a manager/executive.

5. Upper management understands, I give up my lead position, lock myself back into my coding cave.

6. I get annoyed because the requirements I receive become more and more disconnected from reality, half of the teams seem to have decided to stop using agile/scrum, the testing pipeline breaks all the time, I get an updated labor contract from HR by mail which smells like charred flesh, etc

7. The annoyances become too much to do ANY work. I yell at the other devs outside of the entrance of my cave. There is no answer, only a few painful moans and sighs.

8. I emerge from my cave. The city has turned into a desolate wasteland. The office is a burning ruin, the air sharp and heavy with black soot. Disemboweled corpses of developers litter the poisoned soil.

Product Managers dressed in stained ripped suits scream at each other while they try to reinforce concrete barricades with scotch tape and post-its. *THUMP* Something enormous is trying to break through. "Thank God, bittersweet, you're still alive! The stakeholders! They have mutated! We couldn't meet the promised deadlines! We've lost the whole mobile app department, and that kid there is the last of the backenders and he's only an intern! You're here to save us, right? RIGHT?".

In the corner, between the overflowing coffee machine and a withered cactus, a young boy has collapsed onto the floor. His face is covered in moldy coffee grounds, clasping on to his closed macbook for dear life, wide-open eyes staring into the void, mumbling: "didn't backup the database, and It's all gone" over and over.

A severely dented black Tesla with a dragging loose bumper breaks through the dried up vertical herb garden and the smoothiebar, and comes to a halt against the beanbags in a big cloud of styrofoam balls.

The CEO limps out, leaking blood all over the upholstery. He yells to the COO: "The datacenter is completely flooded with sewage! I saved the backup tapes though", holding a large nest of tangled black magnetic tape mixed with clumps of mud above his head.

9. I collect my outstanding salary and sell any rewarded options/shares for a low dumping price, take a 5 month holiday, and ask a recruiter about opportunities in a different city.

Can't wait to read a bunch of stories about myself on this weeks rant.

Citizens are advised not to cover their Webcams and Mic ports by scotch tape or anything else, as the devices might get heated and may sometimes even burst.

Cooperation is expected from everyone.
Have a nice day :)

A while back I had a coworker who was just strange. I took a personal day one day, and came back to find my monitor (that I had brought from home) was gone. I was asking the people who worked around me where it went and after no one knew, I found it on someone else's desk. When I explained to him how I had brought it from home he denied he took it from my desk and continued that it was HIS from home! Turns out he had been taking other people's equipment around the office as well. He would rearrange furniture and even take down other people's personal decorations. He was eventually let go...

My boss is technically my coworker.
I screamed my lungs out after it became clear that he didn't give a shit about employees that bring him money. After snatching all funds from a finished project on time, failing to deliver on the promise about bonuses (it's what I used to motivate employees to deliver the project on time), refusing to buy a new chair to replace the one held together by scotch tape and careful balancing, I decided to quit with maximum damage.

I screamed so that everybody would hear it. That encouraged another guy to get in with quitting, and within 1 month most of the team had quit, leaving the boss with a risk of lawsuits for prepaid contacts not delivered.

Knowing that piece of shit, he probably recovered and is treating other people badly, but at least every single person from the team experienced the biggest jump in careers straight after that.

I'm a bad influence.

It's been a tradition for me to keep a bottle of 'desk whiskey' buried in a drawer at work. A couple weeks ago, I started inviting cube mates over for a drink on Fridays as five pm rolled around.

Soon one of them brought in a bottle of scotch. Then another.
Started observing the afternoon drink on days other than Friday, more folks got involved...

Now the CTO talks about "Whiskey O' Clock" daily.

🍺

Code. Scotch neat. Happy Friday ladies and gentlemen.

That moment when you walk into the office on your first day, while setting up your desk they ask you which mouse you would like to use, and you respond "oh no thank you I prefer my trackpad" and the whole office stops what their doing and gives you that look...

How's the site launch going? Fucking started drinking scotch at 11:15am. That's how it's going.

My coworkers are all working remotely because they're hungover, and all shocked I'm in the office today.

You think a night of drinking and 4 hours of sleep is enough to hold me down? Please. If I'm hungover enough to not go to work it means I'm probably in the hospital lol.

That being said, I have discovered that scotch does not agree with my stomach, so I'm not having the best time. At least I'm here though!

Day of the interview sr. Architect says: "We have near 100% unit test coverage in our code."

One month later when I tell him there are 0 unit tests written against 300 projects: "Yeah, I knew that was a problem."

What can you do when the people who want to hire you lie outright to your face?

Oh yeah, and not a god damned one was written using any sense of object oriented programming at all. Every single damned project is written like its on a motherfucking punchcard put together by a cs 101 student with a 2 hour fucking deadline.

I can understand if it needs some work, just tell me. Don't fucking lie to me just to get me in the door to fix a problem you know you have. JUST HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOUR CANDIDATES AND DON'T FUCKING LIE TO THEM!

Off to drink some scotch and think about what it would be like to shove a finger deep enough into my nostril to hear a pop and smell popcorn before going off into that good night.

I said good day.

Is the software at your company so bad that it's a miracle that anything works?

Does it feel like this colossal pile of broken electronics from the past 30 years duct taped together and patched with multiple tiers of adapters, wires spliced together with scotch tape, and someone on stand by with a fire extinguisher?

Do you feel like getting your product to work is like how we used to get things to work back in the eighties? Not just turning things off and on again, but things like hitting the tv to make it work again, blowing into cartridges, and the feeling of pulling on the starting cord on a gas powered mower over and over again to no avail?

That is exactly what my company's codebase is. A huge amorphous, heterogenous pile of shit that somehow works and occasionally has to be massaged to make it work again. Fuck my life.

This fcktard client that insist on using an iframe and demands support for browsers like IE7. You are costing me years of my life.

Fucking fuck of a Microsoft trying to protect people against tracking from 3d parties in an iframe in random ways in some versions of IE7. Or IE11 in IE7 compatibility mode.

If you are going to refuse sessions just do it! I got a fucking check and fix for that. Because these fuck faces friendly people at Apple like to refuse sessions on iPads and iPhone too. But we worked that out, because they are at least consistent. So a few dirty little hacks made it all Okay.

But no, Boo Hoo I'm Microsoft and I will throw a tantrum. I like my browsers to be like an magican, instead of an usefull piece of software. If you look in this page, or look here we got them. I got your sessions​, safe and secure.

But when you need me, to verify that the user is allowed to access data we do a little hocus pocus and now they are gone. Nowhere to be seen or found again. Fun times free fucking magic shows all day long.

It's morning but maybe its time for a bottle of scotch. Maybe if I'm in the state as this browser. Where I don't know what I'm doing because I'm shitfaced drunk it will start working.

When in Rome do as the romans do.

I pasted scotch tape on the small sensor under the mice of everyone (like 20 people). Then I used a black marker on the scotch tape so it wad completely opaque.

Result? Everyone panicked when they tried to use their computer because the mouse was not working.

I have a new boss who was hired today. Well, I guess he's supposed to be a 2nd in command to my current supervisor, but I still have to report to him too I guess.

This dude is a high-sodium seasoned dev, and the kind who thinks anyone who's been in the industry less than 15 years should be at best a test engineer or thrown into the 7th ring of Customer Support.

Ugh. I'm now out of gin, which was my backup to my scotch. And this prick expects me to have a PR ready for him to review on a whole new application I've been working on for the last 2 weeks by midday tomorrow. And today was his first day.

I wish homework worked like an ES6 Promise: "A Promise represents a value which may be available now, or in the future, or never."

Before I realized what a Vagrant Box was, I thought everyone was talking about cardboard boxes for homeless people.

So there I am thinking everyone was talking about homeless people and I finally understand that it's a service for quickly deploying VMs for local development when I get invited to a party after a convention with my hosting company and I look over the rail and see a vagrant man asleep on a cardboard box.

Sometimes, usually during the evening, I lower the lights in the living room, put some of my greatest Scotch in a glass, and stare at this fine and beautiful piece of code I wrote a long time ago that I am really proud of.

Hell yeah! Now I'm ready to face the new year! Whoooo

Only aim is to earn enough to drink costliest Scotch every weekend 😍

So, today I've read a study that says that chocolate '' improves brain function ". Bullshit. What improves brain function is having a glass of scotch while programming. Damn, I even write code faster. The problem is the morning after when I re-read my programm. I really didn't thought I knew mandarin.

Just moved this weekend into the first home I've ever actually owned. Bought a scotch older than myself to mark the occasion, but I want to save it to share with my brother sometime during Yule (that's an agonizing abstinence for me). But at least someone gifted me with a Macallan 12 yr for housewarming that has been hitting the spot quite nicely.

Got my PC set up already to unfortunately go back to work tomorrow. Speaking of which, is it like "Recruiting Season" or something? I have been hit up like crazy about other opportunities, at a time when my company that i've been with almost 4 years seems to be floundering to get its shit together.

I guess I haven't paid much attention in the past to whether I get hit up with "opportunities" more at the end of the year or not. But its something I'm seriously considering right now. 2020 was mostly stagnant for me, and ending the year with moving is a high note. Would not mind continuing this trend of change whilst I still have to wait for the world to be able to resume "normalcy" a while longer.

It's 6pm here, running out of scotch. Writing a backend for telegram bot. Seems like I need to step out to get some scotch

You know you are addicted to devRant when in a Sweet Sixteen party (actually 15yo here in Brazil), you have a glass of Scotch, my daughter sleeping in my lags and are still browsing devRant...

so I did dry january...

conclusions:

- perhaps a slight amount of more energy, but then I just work way more than i would anyway, since there is nothing else to do
- anxiety / stress not really affected or reduced
- sleep not noticably improved either

so overall I don't think I really get any of the so called "benefits" that the health gurus claim 🤡

needless to say I will be enjoying some scotch tonight

Anyone else having issues accessing Github from behind the Great Firewall?

Took my first PTO today since joining the new company to get my wisdom teeth extracted. Already took care of that first thing this morning. Now I actually get to kick back and listen to some records until my new GPU is delivered, and then I get to fuck off the rest of the weekend with new games because my wife says I can't do any yard work this weekend.

Only had the top two extracted because I was born without the bottoms I guess. But less pain on my wallet and my jaw, I'll happily trade in the narcotics they gave me and stick to my scotch.

Not a bad 3 day weekend in my book. Ill have to go back and figure out who/what broke the projection runner in the sandbox environment when I go back, but eh. that's a Monday problem now. 😎

Fuck virtual network networking holy shit why is it so hard to just setup simple architecture that took me 2 hours fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i need a hard scotch

But so satisfying now that i understand it.

You wrote about all these elaborate pranks, yet the old "bit of scotch tape under the mouse" gave me oh so many laughs. Also surprising how many people can't figure out what's wrong.

developers.google.cn is now available in China! Hopefully this helps the Android app situation here

!DEV

My mice stopped moving "efortlessly".

So I added a bit of scotch. Mice is working again very well and you don;t feel the drag !!

Yeah I should update my keyboard / mice, as they are in horrible state.

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📍 Address: 210 Haven Ave, Scotch Plains, NJ 07076
📞 Phone: +1 (908) 447-4896

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Just now I found out I have only 30 ml scotch at home for the night. FML.
"Tonight I don't have even that much of alcohol as I used to throw away in the washbasin"

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Live-in elder agency care in Scotch Plains NJ
We provide 24/7 supervision and care in the comfort of your loved one’s own home. Our caregivers live on-site, offering consistent, familiar support.

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BONJOUR offers full-day and overnight care for seniors requiring assistance with mobility, hygiene, medication reminders, and companionship.

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Trained aides offer compassionate dementia care, promoting a safe and engaging home environment for patients with cognitive decline.

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We support seniors dealing with memory loss by providing specialized cognitive support services, promoting routine, and reducing confusion.

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Why Choose BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care?
24/7 Availability
We offer continuous care—day and night—so you can feel confident that your loved one is never alone or at risk.

Specialized Memory Care
Our caregivers are specially trained in dementia and Alzheimer’s care, ensuring clients receive thoughtful, knowledgeable support.

Live-In & Hourly Options
Whether your family needs short-term relief or permanent live-in care, we offer flexible scheduling and customized plans.

Licensed & Trusted Agency
As a fully licensed agency in New Jersey, we uphold the highest care standards with professional oversight and accountability.

Serving Multiple NJ Counties
From Scotch Plains to Flemington, Cranford, and Hunterdon County, our caregivers serve communities across the region with dedication and compassion.

Contact Us
Your loved one deserves the best care. BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care is here to provide safe, reliable, and dignified live-in support tailored to every stage of aging.

Business Name: BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care Live In Agency In NJ Dementia Alzheimers Around The Clock Care at Home 24 Hours
Address: 210 Haven Ave, Scotch Plains, NJ 07076, United States
Phone: +1 908-447-4896

Let us help you find peace of mind through compassionate in-home care.

BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care: Providing Exceptional 24-Hour Home Care in NJ

At BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care, we are dedicated to delivering compassionate and reliable in-home care services for seniors, especially those dealing with dementia and Alzheimer’s. Located in Scotch Plains, NJ, we proudly serve the local community and beyond with our high-quality around-the-clock care solutions. If you are looking for 24-hour home care in NJ, you’ve come to the right place.

Why Choose BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care?
As a family-owned agency, BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care understands the importance of comfort, security, and independence for your loved ones. We specialize in providing 24-hour home care in NJ for seniors who need assistance with daily activities, medical supervision, or companionship. Our caregivers are highly trained to offer the best care, whether your loved one is dealing with Alzheimer’s, dementia, or simply needs extra help with daily routines.

Our Services
BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care offers a wide range of services designed to enhance the quality of life for seniors:

24-Hour Home Care in NJ: Our caregivers provide continuous support day and night, ensuring your loved ones are never alone.

Dementia & Alzheimer’s Care: We specialize in managing the needs of individuals with cognitive disorders, offering both physical and emotional support.

Personal Care: Help with bathing, grooming, dressing, and other daily tasks to maintain independence and dignity.

Companion Care: Offering companionship and socialization for seniors, reducing feelings of isolation and promoting emotional well-being.

Medication Management: Ensuring medications are taken on time and as prescribed.

Respite Care: Giving family caregivers a break while ensuring your loved one receives the best care.

Compassionate and Professional Caregivers
At BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care, our team of caregivers is the heart of our service. We hand-pick every caregiver based on their qualifications, experience, and passion for working with seniors. Our team is trained to handle complex medical needs, including dementia and Alzheimer’s care, while also offering a warm and compassionate approach to caregiving. We pride ourselves on forming meaningful relationships with each of our clients, allowing seniors to feel safe, valued, and at ease in their own homes.

Serving the Scotch Plains Community and Beyond
Our office is conveniently located at 210 Haven Ave, Scotch Plains, NJ 07076, making it easy for us to provide 24-hour home care in NJ. We understand that each family’s needs are unique, which is why we work closely with you to create a customized care plan that fits your loved one's specific needs. Whether you require occasional help or full-time, around-the-clock care, we are here to help.

Your Trusted Partner in Senior Care
At BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care, we believe that seniors deserve to live in the comfort of their own homes, surrounded by loved ones, and with the peace of mind that comes with having professional, attentive care. Our commitment to providing exceptional 24-hour home care in NJ ensures that your loved ones receive the support they need without having to leave the familiarity of their home.

For more information about our services or to discuss a personalized care plan for your loved one, please contact us at +1 (908) 447-4896. Let us help you give your family the peace of mind that comes with knowing your loved ones are in caring, professional hands.

Contact Information:
Business Name: BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care
Address: 210 Haven Ave, Scotch Plains, NJ 07076, United States
Phone: +1 (908) 447-4896

Choose BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care for reliable, compassionate, and professional 24-hour home care in NJ. We're here to help your loved ones live with dignity, independence, and peace of mind.

BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care: Expert Alzheimer’s Around-the-Clock Care & Live-In Memory Care in New Jersey
At BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care, we know how challenging it can be to care for a loved one suffering from Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of memory loss. That's why we specialize in providing Alzheimer’s around-the-clock care and live-in memory care services in New Jersey, ensuring that your loved one is cared for with compassion, respect, and dignity.

Why Choose BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care?
When it comes to dementia and Alzheimer’s care, your loved one deserves the best. At BONJOUR, we offer comprehensive, personalized care solutions to ensure that their needs are met 24/7. Here's why families in New Jersey trust us with their loved ones:

1. Specialized Alzheimer’s Around-the-Clock Care
Alzheimer’s care requires a unique approach, and we specialize in offering around-the-clock care for individuals living with Alzheimer’s and dementia. Our team of skilled caregivers provides continuous supervision, assistance, and emotional support to ensure that your family member remains safe, comfortable, and engaged at all times.

2. Live-In Memory Care in New Jersey
We understand that sometimes, families may need a higher level of care for a loved one with memory impairment. Our live-in memory care services in New Jersey are tailored to meet the individual needs of your loved one. With our live-in caregivers, you can rest assured that your loved one is not only cared for physically but emotionally, as well. We provide companionship, memory stimulation, and activities that help keep your loved one engaged and mentally active.

3. Experienced and Compassionate Caregivers
At BONJOUR, we handpick our caregivers for their expertise, experience, and compassion. Our team members are trained to provide top-notch care for individuals with Alzheimer’s and dementia, helping with everything from daily activities like dressing and bathing to more complex tasks like medication management.

4. Customized Care Plans
Every individual is different, and their care plan should reflect that. Our team works closely with you to develop a personalized care plan that is tailored to your loved one’s specific needs and preferences. Whether your loved one needs assistance with basic tasks or requires full-time, hands-on care, we’ll design a plan that works for them.

5. Peace of Mind for Families
We know how important it is to feel confident that your loved one is in good hands. By offering Alzheimer’s around-the-clock care and live-in memory care, we ensure that you and your family can have peace of mind knowing that your loved one is being cared for by dedicated professionals who truly care.

Services We Offer
Alzheimer’s Around-the-Clock Care: Continuous supervision and support, including personal care, meal preparation, medication management, and more.

Live-In Memory Care New Jersey: 24/7 care from a dedicated live-in caregiver, including companionship and memory-enhancing activities.

Assistance with daily living activities (ADLs)

Respite care for family caregivers

Medication reminders and management

Personal hygiene and grooming assistance

Emotional support and companionship

Light housekeeping and meal preparation

Why BONJOUR Is the Right Choice for You
1. Expertise in Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care
Our caregivers are highly trained to work with individuals who have Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. We understand the nuances of memory loss and are equipped to provide the specialized care your loved one deserves.

2. Personalized and Compassionate Care
Every client is treated as an individual. We create care plans tailored to your loved one’s preferences, routines, and needs. Our team is dedicated to ensuring that your family member feels valued and supported every step of the way.

3. 24/7 Availability
Our around-the-clock care ensures that your loved one is always in capable hands, no matter the time of day or night. Whether it's for assistance during the day or overnight care, our caregivers are there for your loved one every step of the way.

4. Family Peace of Mind
With BONJOUR’s live-in memory care services, you can enjoy peace of mind knowing that your loved one is receiving constant care in the comfort of their own home.

Contact Us Today
If you are looking for Alzheimer’s around-the-clock care or live-in memory care services in New Jersey, BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care is here to help. Our team is dedicated to providing the best care for your loved one, ensuring their safety, comfort, and emotional well-being.

Visit us:
BONJOUR Senior Elder Home Care
210 Haven Ave, Scotch Plains, NJ 07076, United States

Call us:
+1 (908) 447-4896

Let us be your partner in providing compassionate and professional care for your loved one. Contact us today to learn more about our services or to schedule a consultation.