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Search - "new boss"
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Boss: I need you to start on this new project, how long will it take?
Me: well, hard to say with no specs whatsoever...
Boss: just your best guess
Me: 4 to 6 month I guess?
Boss: so 3 months it is. When can you start?
Me: no specs, sir...and I said 4 to 6
Boss: the specs are almost ready, I know you can simplify it
Me: ...
Boss: just start with the basic infrastructure already
(4 months later)
Boss: here you are the specs, they might change a little in behaviour and design, but all the main stuff is here
(Hands me a A3 with a total of 21 pictures in InDesign)
Me: o....Kay. what happens when I click here?
Boss: oh, we should still talk about the app workflow, I'll get you updated
(2 weeks and 16 total rewrites of the "specs" later)
Boss: you told me it was a 2 months job, why aren't you finished yet? We must deploy in 3 weeks!
Me: ...34 -
Boss: I need to demo our product but it looks smaller on my laptop.
Me: That is because you have a 1920x1080 monitor and your laptop is 1280x800
Boss: Is that something you can fix?
Me: No you will need a new laptop, but the company has a sales laptop with that resolution.
Boss: No just get the company credit card and buy me one today!
*Bosses son hears*
Bosses Son: Here take the sales laptop
Boss: Will that be quick enough
Bosses Son: It has a 8 core i7 Processor, 16GB ram and a dedicated GPU
Boss: *looks at me confused*
Me: Your demoing a web browser, that will be more then ok. But were using chrome so 16GB of ram will be pushing it.
*me and bosses son laughs*
Boss: Can we upgrade it?17 -
Boss: "I looked at a testing suite. It is $2,500 a license and I'm buying 60 licenses. You should probably get familiar with it."
LeadDev: "Um, we already use NUnit, and it's free."
Boss: "Hmm...I'd better add Pluralsight training in the budget so you can learn about the new program."
LeadDev: "Oh, no...we need new laptops more than we need software."
Boss:"New laptops? Not my budget. When we buy this new software, everyone is going to use it"
LeadDev: "Everyone? How will you monitor it's usage?"
Boss: "I'll have networking send me captures of all the running tasks on the dev machines. The test suite better be running. Writing good tests will be our #1 priority."
LeadDev: "Um, we already write tests using NUnit."
Boss: "I don't understand what you are saying. I need something I can visualize. This UI testing suite is exactly what I need."
LeadDev: "Maybe the testing suite would be better suited for you and QA?"
<click..click>
Boss: "Submitted the budget. There will be a test server available for you to configure. This whole project costs over $100,000, so don't screw it up. Any questions?"
LeadDev: "Oh...well...what server ..."
Boss: "Dang...sorry, I'm taking off the rest of the afternoon. We'll talk about this more on Monday. Get started on those Pluralsight videos. I'll expect a full training and deployments by next week. Have a great weekend!"13 -
Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"
Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"
Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"
Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"
Boss: "What?"
Me: "Not the team, the servers..."
Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"
Me: "I get why he left you"
Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."
Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"
Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"
Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."
Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"
Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"
Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"
Boss: "That's what he said"
Me: "You're using that meme wrong"
Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"
Me: "That would work"
Boss: "Why are you grinning?"
Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"18 -
So apparently my boss knows the "new senior dev", which I will call 'B'.
Backstory:
Program which I worked on for a year, my baby, is doing fine. Suddenly B decides to update it to "standardize it", against my suggestions/protests. Fastfoward to the following morning, I get to work and there's a bunch of emails from B waiting for me. I'm like "Well there's a meeting in an hour, so no point in answering all of these". 30 minutes go by and then boss shows up in my team's area. Asking for me.
(I didn't know this at the time, but apparently boss knows B. And thinks that B is this amazing programmer and super nice.)
According to boss, B has been trying to contact me all morning about my program failing.
It is at this moment that my mentor stands up to defend me. She basically tells our boss that B is a piece of shit. And I'm just loving it, ++ to mentor for bring awesome.12 -
My boss just revised my report and sent it back with new file names. Memes have officially infiltrated the workplace.7
-
Boss: Hey we got a new outsourcing project coming up, you know anything about python, sql server and php?
Me: Never worked with sql server nor python but i can learn
Boss: Good, next week you go to the client's place and you start
Me: aight
(week later me at the client)
Client: Ok, your job here will be to fill excel spreadsheets with those fancy functions
Me: :) wut :)
Client: Also our printer died yesterday, can ya fix it?
I think i need a new job..13 -
1 week ago my boss forced me to ship a new feature on friday afternoon. The feature broke our application for about 2 hours. After this I bought him this cup.9
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Boss: Every day is a new opportunity to start fresh
Me: Can we start over this project because I fucked it up and I don't want to clean it
Boss: No4 -
Boss: I have really bad new
Me: What?
Boss: ....
Boss ... we have to clean your room tomorrow and remove all the Stallman posters, because marketing wants to film shit. But dont worry, we put them right up again when they are done9 -
My last internship. When acquiring a new project and having to give an estimate the boss/sales guy always went to the programming team first to ask them what the estimate was and then communicated that back to the client(s).
Asked him why he does that because many companies don't:
Well, the programmers are going to write the software so why the hell would *I* be the one who gives the fucking estimates?
Yes that was a good boss.4 -
Me at the office, Boss calling me by phone..
Boss: Hi, I need a new Build of XX Android app for another client.. set the base address at x.x.x.x and send me an APK file
Me: OK, I will do it.
Boss: can you do it in 5 minutes?
Me: Sure, it's simple..
Android Studio: You think it's simple !
* Indexing Files
* Sync Project
* Gradle Build
* Indexing....
* Some f* tasks
Oh kill me now !!4 -
Boss: make this thing
Me: yeah no worries. Where is the spec?
Boss: We don't have enough one but we outsourced the design so call him
Designer: haven't started yet
Me: excellent
Boss: I'm going on holiday. I'll leave this to you.
Me: erm ok. I'm having a few problems getting stuff out of the designer though.
*2 weeks later and still no designs*
Boss: I'm back. Where is the progress?!
Me: indeed.
*1 week later i get half designs that sort of make sense*
Boss: hurry up!
*1 week later*
Me: designer you're busting my balls here
Designer: yeah lol
Me to boss: still having problems. No idea what I'm doing.
Boss: deal with it
*2 days later*
PM: we are demoing it to clients tomorrow
Me: brilliant. I'll become a magician then.
* Meeting goes well and no one notices the thing is a bit buggy*
*2 days later*
Me to boss and pm: you already know whats going on but I'll keep trying.
Boss: ok it's just a proof of concept anyway.
Designer: yeah here's the rest of the designs lol
*1 week later, the designs made no sense, no idea what they wanted but hey it's a proof of concept so I'll just do my best...*
*suddenly again, hey you have 1 week before we sell it. Lol. smashes a product together as fast as humanly possible, due to half designs and no time to do it right even html classes and CSS aren't right - didn't know things would be repeated at the time. No time to fix entire thing. Luckily just a proof of concept*
New senior developer: hey boss just said this is being sold tomorrow.
Me: wtf..It's a proof of concept and i was given longer...
New senior developer: no
Me: :(
Senior developer and all colleagues: it's full of bugs and doesn't work
Me: yes that will happen without specs, random tight deadlines, no designs that made sense and a total of about a week and a half to make an entire system for multiple user types to make applications, send messages, post jobs, handle all paperwork and move paperwork among different user types as they go through applications. I told everyone what was going on but i get no support...
*Silence*
Boss: wtf i gave you so long! All i know is my entire staff is working on a product that should be done ages ago
Me: ok, however i have said almost every day i need-
Boss: I'm not interested
*I finish my placement year and never get any promised work or the job offer*
Seems legit?16 -
Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"
*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*
Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.
Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"
*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*11 -
My boss baught me a new setup because he crashed into my car. I think i can accept this apology^^21
-
The Company I work for has a new Website.
Me: opens inspector, changed an elements position.
Boss: "Stop! We paid so much for this you'll destroy everything."
Me: reload page, smile at him.7 -
Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..
*15 minutes later
Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task
*30 minutes later
Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..
Boss: what?..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..
Boss: *walks away..16 -
New Guy Day 2: He has deleted the git repo on the project he was assigned to 4 times, written a recursion formula that crashed a server, & knocked my coffee cup onto the floor.
I messaged my boss telling him I am going to hide the body in his trunk.8 -
//Long rant
[Boss man]: Hey, we need you to build us a web app.
[Me]: Okay, what do you need it to do?
[Boss man]: We need staff to be able to login from anywhere, create new appointments, check room availability, display live times for the rooms, schedule future appointments, record all the data as stats and export the stats to (email address).
[Me]: Okay, sounds useful, anything else?
[Boss man]: we also need it to send all relevant data to a calendar where certain staff will be notified by email of events.
[Me]: Okay... I'll get right on starting this.
[Boss man]: So you can have it done by the end of the day? (4 hours from this time)
[Me]: *Internal screaming* *WHAT THE FUCK* Uhm, no, I don't think that is possible to complete in a four hour period by myself.
[Boss man]: Okay, well by tomorrow then, I'm leaving for the day though, have a good one.
[Me]....
//End long rant12 -
That moment when your boss is introducing the new guy and you are silently making a list of all the git repos you need to back up before he makes it to his desk.
-
So I had a job interview and got offered the job on the spot, then I went back to my manager at my current workplace to raise an issue about me being underpaid for this months wages and this is how the conversation went.
Enjoy.20 -
First day at new web dev job:
Me: what IDE do you guys use?
Coworker: Notepad/notepad++
M: Okay... Any version control?
C: Oh we don't need it. We just update the server pages.
*Boss walks in*
Boss: Heres the project for you to do just need you to rebrand this web app we made for client A for client B just need to change some scripts. Should only take afew hours.
I take a look. No comments. Not formatted. Missing braces and brackets. Semicolons at odd places and missing at others. 7802 lines of code...16 -
Tried to impress the boss with my work ethic by staying late to install a new VoIP system. Wasn’t even part of my job description. A few days later I had a flat tire on the way to work. It took me a couple hours to get that taken care of. When I got to work, the boss told me I had to work 2 extra hours that week to make it up. I reminded him that I had worked overtime recently to install his new phone system. He said, “Doesn’t matter. You still need to make up the hours.”
From that moment on I never worked one second more for him than I had to. I quit less than a year into the job.13 -
So was first day at new job ... Boss takes me around meeting everyone. One employee stuck editing file by typing in new records data, calls boss for help.
Boss to me: "I like to get handsy with data from time to time. "
*me smiling, watch how he copies and paste the new records*
ME to boss:"why don't you just write the script to update all the records?"
Boss:"I don't trust the automation of input. "
Me:" what about human error?"
*crowd of other employees gather around awaiting answer*
Boss:"we include margin of errors in our disclaimer to the client... "
*He hears himself*
Boss:"... and we bill by the hour why would we work faster for less money?"
*me grinning, going to remember that line next time I need extension of deadline*
Me*murmurs*:" Master has presented dobby with a sock"
*Girl in next cubicle snickers clearly caught the reference "
Going to love it here.3 -
BOSS: i will need your resume for this new project, can you make it?
ME: sure, but don't you have one?
BOSS: yes, but i would need it changed for a new details
ME: ok...
after work...
BOSS: we have a problem, remember that resume? we need it on english, and need it right now, can you translate it at home?
ME: ok, but give me a few minutes...
sends translated resume...
BOSS: ummm, it's not translated well, you didn't translate your education...
ME: the name of the school? you can't translate that...
BOSS: this lady asked for it, so do it...
ME: ok...
sends again...
BOSS: not quite there yet, you have Ć in your last name, translate that...
ME: translate my last name?
BOSS: yeah, this lady has a spell check and saw that incorrect...
ME: .....
im going to celebrate when i leave this itterate shithole16 -
“My Boss arrived at work in a brand new Ferrari.
I told him: “Wow that’s a nice car”.
He replied:
“If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for ''Excellence'', I'll get another one next year”.”
Source:
Reddit
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. • r/Jokes3 -
Boss: "I know we just finished the first part of Client A's project but they also want this extra work done that wasn't in the contract."
Me: "Can't do it without pushing back Client B's work"
Boss: "Well we don't want that. We need to hit that deadline."
Me: "Cool"
Boss: "But Client A was really hoping this new feature which wasn't in the scope would be in."
Me: "Then we're pushing back Client B's work"
<<loop continues >>5 -
I gor a problem with my gf, and she asked for space, then i got a new problem in my workplace, i want to kill my boss and my senior mothercuker! FUCK THIS!!!8
-
My goals:
- Resist the urge to kill my boss
- Graduate
- Remember, I'd be someone's bitch in prison so definitly don't murder my boss
- Find an amazing new job
- Work in new job for some years to avoid suspicion, then kill former boss..8 -
Battery testing new app at work. Boss wants us to test Pokemon Go for comparison. I get to leave the office for 2 hours to catch Pokemon and get paid...4
-
It's official, I am quitting...
Boss walks in today while we busy discussing how to write up the new endpoint we need from the api and tells us there is too much discussion and as only woman can multitask, Dumi is the only person that can be productive...10 -
!rant
Wake up at 7am
Start work at 7:30 am
Set status to "working from home"
Dive deep into code
Boss calls at 10:30am...
Codebrain makes me sound a bit absent: "Uhhh... sup?"
Boss: "Oh sorry, did I wake you up? Would like to discuss the application of the new intern with you, but I can call back after lunch if you want..."
<32 -
Boss: I need this page to behave in a completely new way.
Me: that's all fine and dandy but it requires a rewrite.
Boss: nah just look man, it's really simple all I want is blah, blah blah...
I'm too tired for this shit5 -
Boss - so how long will this transport booking app take, native android and iOS ....plus backend, plus localization, plus live location tracking, blah blah.
Me - at least 4 months, or more
Boss - HOW can an app take MONTHS? That is totally unacceptable, it’s not gonna work this way, blah blah. I’m giving u 2 months, tops. No project should take more than 2 months.
—
Next app,
Boss - so this new e-commerce app needs to be made, u have api. How long?
Me - 2 months coz ——-
Boss - WHATTTTT!!!??? 2 months for an APP!!???? What is this? Not gonna work this way, you should make apps in a week. Other people make apps in a week.
Then fucking hire those other people. Lol.8 -
Boss: I was looking over our expenses and was wondering why you are ordering a new piece of equipment?
Me: (I stand up & address my fellow code-drones) Can everybody save everything right now please. Good? Now newGuy commit your changes.
(Audible typing followed by the entire room groaning.)
Me: He just deleted everything...again and I am running out of backup storage.
Boss: ........So you want 1 of those things or 2?undefined raidlyfe raid webdesign boss ugh personal backups why do i bother git web development newguy webdev14 -
My company needs a new Website.
ME: Boss, let me do it. It's just a simple static site with a few pages. **Dreaming about a fast and beautiful site**
BOSS: Your time is too valuable. Nobody is paying us for our website. The apprentice will do it.
Few weeks later... Wordpress page! Page loads in > 20sec. Over 150 request for css and js... It's fast on Mobile, because it just breaks and loads only half of the content.
So ashamed working in this Company. No sane customer will ever do business with us, when he sees this stackpile of shit.6 -
I'm building a website for a new company and the boss doesn't understand technology at all. says he doesn't want me using any html because it is old and I have to use python because it's a 'hot language.' I try to explain that html is for websites and he replies 'not mine.'19
-
Boss: Don't be afraid to break things
Me: *breaks things*
Boss: Why did you break things?
Me: ...
I tried something new. Otherwise, I am hitting a wall. -
Me: Boss, your new project is ready, we've tested the technical aspect but we're waiting on your approval before deploying, will you test it?
Boss: yeah sure, I'll test it in 5
*2 weeks later*
Boss: why isn't that project deployed yet?
Me: you haven't tested it, and we haven't gotten approval
Boss: oh right, I'll go test it right now!
*2 weeks later*
Boss: I NEED that project to go live RIGHT THIS MOMENT!!!
Me: sure, have you tested it yet?
Boss: nope, but I need it
Me: well, I'll put it live, but me and my colleagues are shifting responsibility to you, since you haven't tested it. Are you sure?
Boss: yeah, yeah whatever...
*put product online*
*2 days later*
Angry call from boss, bugs have been found, tell him that he approved the state of the product and that the bugs will go on the to-do list...
Boss is extremely pissed, but recognized his mistake...
Now, the boss actually tests everything thoroughly at the moment we tell him to! No more bugs, complaints, and I got a raise!5 -
New boss rant here!
Boss: Can you give me an estimate for a new project that we willbe running?
Dev: Oh yes I have already calculated at approximately three months.
Boss: Thats great start on it!
3 months laters....
Boss: Why did it take so much? I feel like our productivity sucks.
Dev:...5 -
Today my boss asked me if I wanted to travel to another country to setup a new server for a customer.
Pretty good for a student worker I think 😁. Today was a great day10 -
That moment when my boss and I were having a conversation (2 weeks into my new job) and she tells me her daughters name is "Amber" and I jump up with, "oh snap!! That's my dogs name too!!" 😑4
-
Boss: We need a new functionality to record company names for now.
Me: Ok. (This will be a quick one)
(few mins later)
Me: Ok, adding/editing/deleting company names.. done. I also added "date recorded" field, just in case we need it.
Boss: Ok, thanks.
(~20 mins later)
Boss: We also need a functionality for the users which has "this" permission to be able to "request" for a company registration. We need to add fields to record the contact person, email, phone, etc.. Once a "request" has been submitted, "this" person-in-charge has to get a notification on the dashboard. And the requesters, should get a notification that they have a pending request sent. Once the registration is done, the requester has to be notified.
Me: 👀6 -
Me: Alright today I'm going to work on X, Y, and Z because that's what we planned yesterday.
(10 Minutes into the day)
Boss: We need you to work on A, B, and C. These need to be done today.
Me: What about X, Y, and Z?
B: You have new priorities.
(30 Minutes later)
B: What's your status on X, Y and Z? You think it'll be done today?
M: (Forwards email about new priorities)
B: I'm coming down to talk with you.
WHY.7 -
Not a rant, just awesomeness:
At my company our CTO organizes a meeting every month that gives us devs a chance to present new technologies to each other, offer advice about workflows and give feedback about current situations. This allows us to constantly improve.
Thanks boss!3 -
Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more2 -
Start a new job.
It is amazing.
What, you will not pay my JetBrains? Ugh... cheap boss.
Do you call this scrum?
Now I need to build this dumbass feature.
Wait, all the seasoned people are leaving?
Why did I choose this place at first?
Linkedin.
Interview.
This sounds awesome.
Good salary.
Bye guys.
Start a new job...8 -
Boss: Have you finished that feature?
Me: Almost there, i'm refactoring some classes...
Boss: What? Refactor? But thisnis a new feature, it does not need refactor! We don't have time for this!
Me: 😵🔫
This is what happen when you care about code quality.5 -
My boss is a grumpy 25 year oldish "Mr. I know it all". We all hate him for that attitude.
Just joining recently, the code base which I got introduced to was totally new and I was overwhelmed.
Boss told me to write an Sql query to wipe the table data. I being reckless wrote a query to wipe the table only and submitted it to my boss.
Few hourse later we were informed by our peers that a certain url was not working. On further investigating we found out that my boss carelessly copy and pasted my query and executed it which wiped an important table clean.
Now he doesn't talk to me straight and I can't look him in the eye because obviously I burst into laughter.
Job well done☺️2 -
Boss: we picked up a new client!
Me: nice!
Boss: They want the unfinished software we were working on that we planned to be done 2 months from now.
Me: even better!
Boss: They want it in 3 weeks.
Me:
Me:
Me: no.4 -
I did it! I FUCKING DID IT! I got the new job, where I am paid better and won't get abused! The culture is better, pay is better!
My struggle now! Do I do finger guns to my current boss after telling him? I hate that asshole.13 -
Boss: Hey, you were in that "Pike place fish market session" today. How was it?
Me: well, it was really motivational and inspiring. I learned few new things.
Boss: Great! Also let me tell you that you're again our employee of the week and we're considering you for the employee of the year award. No one got nominated so early in the job here.
Me: Thanks
Boss: So you wanted to talk to me. What was it about?
Me: Oh, I wanted to resign. Already sent the mail to you.4 -
Boss: agrees to unreasonable deadlines.
Team: misses deadlines because they're unreasonable.
Boss: "you just don't understand how important the deadline is"
He legit thinks the only reason we fall behind, is because we dont care. Not because we're doing stuff that hasn't been done before, and need to tech ourselves everything as we go.
Also, he's not a programmer, he's a salesman... and he runs the company like one too.
Anyone looking to hire a VR/AR developer?5 -
Pro tip: As great as your product is, it's 1000x harder to pitch to my boss when it has a goofy-ass name.
Me: Hey boss, I came across some new software that'll help manage our mission critical database system.
Boss: Oh yeah, what's it called?
Me: WoolySocksDB Enterprise Edition
Boss: 😐... No.4 -
And it is official: I am not a project manager anymore.
My Boss has just created a new Automation department of which I am the only employee. So, now, I am an Automation Engineer.
More tools, maybe code and almost no contact with clients anymore. But I am gong to miss a few of them. :)2 -
Boss: "Can we create apps that are supercool, superfast, supercustomizable and superhitech?"
Me: "If you want apps like these I have to use this tool, this language and this other stuff. Just keep in mind that are new technologies for me and I need to study a lot before develop everything"
Boss: "Ok! can you do it for tomorrow?"
Me: "...."3 -
#TheCoronaEffect
Before Corona: (Work From Office)
Boss: Let's have a call.
Me: Sure, allow me some time I am assisting the team on a new feature in the app.
Boss: Ok, ping me as you get free.
----------------------------------------------------------
Now: (Work From Home)
Boss: ***Calls for the 15th time in a day...***
Me: (With Bleeding Ears) Yes sir, am here...!
(Having to pick up every single time as he knows you've got nowhere to go 'coz the whole city is in LockDown)
Boss: ***Talks for another 1 hour with screen share***
My Boss is a bigger threat to my health than Corona now!!!
#GoCoronaGo3 -
!nonRant
First few days as a professional software engineer (c# .net) have gone decent. Made my first bigger commit today started working on a small new feature that requires more work.
CoWorkers are really nice, boss is cool, super chill over all. #feelsgood6 -
When the whole dev team desperately tries to convince the boss to get Linux on the new servers instead of windows.6
-
Boss told me he couldn't raise my salary, since according to him, I was already overpaid. Months later they suddenly outsource some positions, including mine. I got 6 months with payment as a parachute. But I also got a new job that pays $15 000 more each year...!
It's nice to have double salary for 6 months...
:)9 -
6 months ago:
Boss: We have this idea to improve our onboarding to avoid drop off in the new app. See this section here? Were going to take that out of the onboarding and just let them pass straight through to the app. Then when they get into the app, there will be a banner telling them they should go to settings and set this up. That way they can ignore it for a while and get into the app sooner
Me: Get into the app sooner to do what?
Boss: Explore it
Me: Explore an empty app with no content, as they are a brand new user with nothing setup? While theres a big banner on the screen saying "You have insecure settings" ... basically forcing them to do it straight away anyway?
Boss: Yeah, we can give them some recommendations or something while they click around. It will be good. This is months away anyway, we'll talk again
Yesterday:
Boss: So this weird unexpected thing happened. We showed some beta users our plans to remove this section from onboarding and they felt weird about it. They said they didn't like the idea of the banner telling them they haven't set it up correctly
Me: Thats not weird, I said the same thing 6 months ago
Boss: ......... oh, really?
Me: Yep. Its not an improvement to get them through onboarding quicker, just to tell them they have to now go do it somewhere else
Boss: ... right. Ok maybe we'll build it anyway and see how they feel with it in there hands?
Me: nope
Boss: ... what do you mean?
Me: We are behind, you've asked me 3 times in the last week if we are going to be able to get everything in on time ... and now you want me to build something that everyone, apart from you, says they don't like. So realistically, i'm going to build it, and then remove it next week ... and we'll have a discussion about what has to be dropped because of this
Boss: ........ right .... ok .... hhhmmm
Me: *sits with resting bitch face*
Boss: ... maybe we can hide the banner until later. Not show it to them until they've done something in the app?
Me: ... maybe we can not do any of this?
Boss: right but then the onboarding will ...
Me: *talks louder* ... yes will be the way our users want it to be
Boss: ... hhmm i'm not sure
Me: Ok heres what we'll do, so long as it doesn't delay me getting the designs I need, feel free to have the designer mock up what it would look like using that figma on device preview thing. If users say they like it, i'll build it
Boss: ... right but it won't be real on device app so ...
Me: Its that or we cut feature X
Boss: ... well we need that
Me: ok glad we agree, let me know what feedback the designer gets
Boss: ... ok10 -
New "dev" at our company. One of his first questions. "Could an if clause have two conditions?"... /me *facepalm* ... where did my boss find this Person and what did he told him?4
-
Boss: don't worry about the architecture, it's an one-off project, just make it work...
2 months later...
Boss: hey, remember that one-off project? we need to add in a few more features... Also can we reuse that code for this new one-off project we have to do for this new client?3 -
My boss looks unbelievably similar to a character from the Simpsons.
We have a new guy start, he wants to show his wife how uncanny the resemblance is. So he sends her a picture of him... Except he sent it to our boss by accident, this was his first day on the Job.8 -
My team has 1-on-1 check-up meetings with our boss about once a month.
My 1-on-1 today consisted solely of him saying "So I bought a new Porsche, want to see a picture?"
It was a pretty productive meeting, if I do say so myself!2 -
Before I took on my current position (internal transfer), I stated that for what my boss asked for I would need a small team.
He agreed to that and promised I would get 2-3 developers.
6 months after (with countless reminders) he told me I could train some people at one of our providers.
Turns out those guys were Java developers, even though I asked for C# (since our codebase is .net)
After a few training sessions, where concepts as source control were a big topic ("why not just copy the code to a new folder with _good_ naming?"), I gave them a test assignment.
After reviewing their code I just gave up. They cannot program. They don't understand concepts like scoping of variables. Concepts of separation of responsibility.
I told my boss this but I had to make it work with them.
I went to my bosses boss (Head of IT) with my resignation in hand, since I felt my boss didn't want to support me actually getting a team. After a few talks I was asked to "keep it cool" and wait until he presented his new organization.
Now my boss asked me for which skills new developers should have. To which I could just laugh at him and forward countless mails from the last 6-8 months asking for developers.
<Irony>I love my boss</Irony>6 -
On Friday, in the midst of the craziest disaster cleanup possible for a project, I tell my boss my laptop keeps freezing and is probably going to crash. Saturday 8:30 FedEx rolls up with a new laptop. I'm even more scared now!4
-
Told the new hire that for the first week they can just familiarise themselves with the JS framework, do the tutorials, and read through the code / docs.
Boss comes by Tuesday morning "you should be finished with all the tutorials by the end of the day"
Looks like we're throwing him in the deep end!
Context: new dev has Java and 3d games background. Our app is full stack JS7 -
From my last job interview (which I got hired btw)
Lead developer: "so we see quite a lot of frameworks that you listed for php, Laravel,cakephp, codeigniter, we really like the idea of them but have not had the opportunity to use them since as you might know by know our pages run over basic and small scripts, you also listed some cool front end frameworks, react looks amazing and I do have somr experience. Tell me, if given the choice, which framework would you use for php?"
Me: Really depends on the project, but the ones that you have described previously seem that they would not really benefit from them, we should not use them if they are overkill or will not expand to anything else on the future"
Him: "But given the choice?"
Me: my own framework, completed it a couple of days ago, it has its own routing system and everything made by yours truly, used it before on some projects in which the developers work with it with no need to ask me about stuff, the documentation is sound and the code rather simple. Php is and can really be all you need depending on what we are talking about."
Him: **stands up, moves closer to me and fist bumps**
"All right now moving on, i was wondering abouy redux, what are the benefits of..."
Walked out of there like a boss, it got interesting when we started talking about Lisp, apparently they are interested in putting some Clojure to test in small things since they want to learn new things and apply them. Yup, this gon b good!!4 -
I lost motivation and focus on the company where I worked for 12 years.
And after 12 years I quit my job last week.
I'll work for a new company next month.
And I won't wait another 12y if I won't be satisfied or disrespected.
Never give up.4 -
Boss: Who knows C#?
Me: I've heard of the language...
Boss: Perfect.
Sends me (a JS dev) to a week long course to implement a gateway in c#.
So I say to myself, who cares, I will learn a new language.
Apparently the lady in charge of the course mixed up between c# and c++
Funny thing is, the other participants are complaining that they shouldn't be in this course cause they don't know the language...5 -
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3 -
Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!
I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.19 -
Today I nearly killed my new boss, he picked the really wrong day to accuse me of something I did'nt do and could prove... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry cause I back up my arguments and would willingly quit gladly for a better job.9
-
Conversation with Boss about a new project.
[Me]: We have to program an API and preferably our own backend, so that all the wishes of the customer are covered. In addition, there will also be an app later, as the customer has requested
[Boss]: Why should we program everything from scratch?
[Me]: We do not have to program everything from scratch, we can already use some existing stuff, or even use frameworks etc. But the project is so complex that such a path must be taken.
[Boss]: Hmm, ok.
... some time later ...
boss comes to me.
[Boss]: (shines and is very happy) I have the perfect solution! We simply use Shopware and finish the project as soon as possible.
Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve never worked with Shopware, and the Backend looks like fucking Windows 98. He’s not even a Dev! So how can he judge it that way?
he does that every fucking time!!10 -
Boss: it’s all wrong, this was working last week.
Me: we have moved to a new data api and I’m in the progress of moving the views over as it’s new data has different names and more detail.
Boss: well fix it now I have a meeting with the client tomorrow morning. (It’s 3pm)
About 30mins later.
Boss: I guess I can say that we are migrating over to the new api, they should be fine with that.3 -
Was feeling like a boss in new office after fixing a major bug.
Yes, the bug was fixed. Only half of the program doesn't work anymore.1 -
Our CEO/Boss thought up a new idea for an App
Boss: I got a new idea, i dont know what it is, but its very easy. How long you can do it?
Us: •.•3 -
Boss: Client wants those stockphotos for the frontpage.
Me: ok. Please license them and let me know. I will upload them to the page.
Boss: How does that work then?
Me: you have to buy the five credit package. Here is the link...
Boss: (no response)
...few days later...
Boss: please remember to upload those images...
Me: well ok. Did you buy them?
Boss: isn't that your thing?
Me: I don't understand. You had all the info. You new where to buy them. You knew what images to buy since the client sent the preview versions. What do you need? ...and why didn't you tell me that you were waiting for my input? I was the last one to reply to this conversation.
Boss: i don't want to buy the wrong images.
Me: just buy the ones the client chose.
Boss: I don't want to look up the email he sent them in.
Me: I don't understand. I directly replied to that mail. It is in the same conversation.
Boss: ok.
...day later...
Boss sends me mail with images attached.
Boss: are those the right images?
Me: well yes. Those are the ones the client sent. I don't have more information than you.
(Me looking at the attachments and finding them in the smallest resolution available.)
Me: why did you download the images in the smallest resolution? It does not make any difference in price.
Boss: well I thought they were not needed in a bigger size.
Me: why do you make my options intentionally smaller? I am the guy doing frontend.
..please give me the login info for the stock account so I can download the images in a better resolution.8 -
Me: Boss, i am not qualified for this. This is something totally different that what i do.
Boss: Just do what you can.
* Me does something which seems to work*
-- A few months or even years later:
Boss: Our distributed systems don't longer work. What happened?
Me, after checking different system: Oh, there is a key that expired. I didn't know this key had an expire date. So they can no longer connect.
Turns out we have to visit every remote system (driving distance of a few 100's km) and set a new key. We couldn't do it remotely since we lost access.
Maybe, just maybe, when your employee says he isn't qualified for a task, listen and search someone that know what he is doing.2 -
Did I every tell you about that time I scared a boss (not mine, he was in the room) so much, that he was to scared to enter my office for the next couple of weeks? 😅
Good times 😊
Tl;dr: He was the reason I was working at max capacity and then he started complaining that shit wasn't working.
Full story:
I was out of office, building up a new site. I was the only IT working that day, others were out on vacation.
Suddenly I start getting flooded with calls from other sites, that nothing works. It is so bad, that my boss can't reach me on the company phone, so he calls me on my private phone.
Apparently all the servers are down.
So me into a taxi, heading for the main office.
When I get there I just start booting the servers on by one, because they didn't like that they had lost power. While I'm working, my boss is standing there, ready to help.
Another boss enters the office and goes: "I can't access Navision". To which I quickly reply something like: "Well everything is down, I'm the only one who can fix it and I'm working as fast as I can".
Two weeks later, another employee tells me, that the other boss has been running all his equipment off a battery backup, since the failure, because his power cord failed. He spilled a cup of coffee on it and therefore was the reason, that all the servers lost power (bad setup, I know). And apparently I was so frightening that he didn't have the courage to ask for a new power cord 😂
Best thing was that my boss never stopped me or told me that I did something wrong.2 -
finished learning a framework/plugin.. *feel like boss* 😎
bam! new version with breaking changes.. *feel like sobbing* 😭7 -
A coworker that is producing incredibly bad code and refuses to learn new stuff was declared "senior developer" by my boss. And me with over 20y experience? I am just a junior.. and have to clean up his mess all the time. I guess it is time to find new job.5
-
The Moment when you signend a contract at a new cool company... Good money... Cool projects... nice ppl... And then you see it... 4 spaces instead of 1 tab, what to do? Go back to my old boss and beg for my old job? Just keep using 1 tab as i did in the last 20 years of my life? Commit suicide?19
-
Me:
Totally riffing to my new playlist....
the ideas are just flowing.....
Code flying...
changing in my brain....
I think I've got I might have it.....
...... RING RING ITS THE MOTHERFUCKING BOSS,
Boss:
Why is the whole website down?
Me: WTF, looks fine here, all logs are clear.
Boss: I just got an email saying the whole thing is fucked. Stop everything and fix it now.
Me: but we just agreed dev is taking priority over any support issues within sla and I've checked from everywhere there are no issues, just data issues probably from user error.
Boss: Just get it back and figure it out!!!!! Why are you being difficult?
Me: okay whatever, let's patch each of these shits.
COULDVE SENT THIS ANYWHERE BUT NOW MY IDEA IS GOOOONEEE!!!!!! NULL FUCKING DATA FIELD ON A SINGLE FUCKING EMAIL....FRAAAAACKKK THIS4 -
!rant
Boss set me up for a last minute certification to prepare for next years new projects. Went through a lot of material in just two days, then had to take the exam immediately after the last class ahead of everyone else. Aced it!^^
What surprised me the most though is how much I still enjoy learning new stuff (wasn't even tech), even after 8 yrs on the job..4 -
So my boss is staring a new security oriented product and he asked one of my colleagues to prepare a presentation about the possible attacks on the product.
During the presentation there was a section on DoS attacks. The boss didn't know what DoS was and after a brief explanation, he interrupted the presentation and said DDoS is not a threat because there is no data stolen. This is a webapp.6 -
After four months of working alone, finally got another developer at work. Unfortunately they hired him as my boss. He came to me yesterday with a new project and told me to drop everything I'm working on for it. I asked him the timeline for it, a week. Why. Why the fuck. Go fuck yourself.16
-
Boss: You have one month to finish the program.
Me: It will be complicated but lets see how it goes.
To be cleared the end date is 2 of July.
Boss on the last friday: You have to finish on the 20th of June
Me: Yeah sure....
Boss yesterday: You have to finish on the 15th of June.
Me: You said one month.
Boss today: you have to finish by the end of this week
Me: No problem Boss you will have it tomorrow!!!
Boss: You have to. There are more projects waiting...
Me: -.-
This is what I have to deal with. But hey... don't forget... tomorrow is a new day so ... fuck it.5 -
Me: * Browses devRant for about 10 minutes *
Phone: 0 notifications
Me: * Puts phone in pocket *
Phone: * seizures in pocket *
Phone: 3 new Jira issues, 9 Sentry warnings about critical bugs, 2 emails from my boss, roughly 60 Whatsapp messages and 3 new notifs on Slack
Why does this happen so often :/3 -
My wife saw me posting on Dev Rant raging about my boss, and suggested I ought to use a different user name instead of my usual one... considering he spends all day using social media I think she might be right... passed the advice on to some friends we are all now paranoid and have new accounts. <32
-
New boss: So, you'll do just some coding, we just need to restructure current DB.
Me: Ok
One month later...
Boss: So, we are creating new LMS in WORDPRESS (yeah, fcking wordpress) so you'll do this and that and...
Me: Oh, well I like challenges so let's see.
Another month later...
Boss: WE NEED OFFLINE MOBILE APP THAT WILL DOWNLOAD WHOLE FUCKING WP WITH EVERY SINGLE VIDEO AND EVERYTHING AND STUDENT WILL LEARN FROM THAT. WE ARE OPENING IT IN ONE MONTH.10 -
Since the beginning of this year our IT department has a new boss. He has no idea about IT, but worked with the other departments and CEO + management on an new business strategy. The other department bosses recogniced that this guy is stupid and only talking hot air, but not the CEO and management.
The IT part of the strategy is abstract and bullshit. The IT Team (we) was not included in building this. We only got the "finished" presented.
So our Team should integrate 6 big new systems (ERP, CRM,...) within 1,5 years. No system is actually fixed and the IT boss is only saying: "Its easy, just some interfaces to connect".
Nice additional: CEO says: Either we go with the strategy or we can leave the company.
My decision is made.4 -
How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!2
-
i love programming, but have done too many 12 hour days recently.
spent last two days recharging by doing nothing but play the new Doom game.
i have a great job so my boss supports me.5 -
boss gives me a new task that requires to rewrite quite a lot of the code to accomplish.
me: "it will take some time, I'll have to rewrite x, y, z... and it will require some rigorous testing too..."
boss: "so it'll take you 2 days?" (serious face)
you gotta be f-ing kidding me right?!1 -
so I was working on a new frontend design for our desktop app when I told my boss
me: this will not look good in a lower resolution. I think we should reconsider
boss: thats ok. its the customer's fault for using that kind of resolution
after a week
boss: we should reconsider the design. the customers are complaining about resolution issues2 -
Boss: "Sooo.... How long will it take?"
Me: "Maybe we should agree on some processes and specify your wishes for the new feature first?"
Boss: "Yeah you're right.... But what do you think? Will you get it done til $deadline?"
...
Why am I even trying? Who needs project management anyway?4 -
Sprint planning meeting, two hours trying to plan what to do with a new feature we wanted to add to one of our systems.
The boss gets out of the meeting room to get a phone number to make a call (we needed to ask something to one of our clients).
5 minutes later, the boss comes back and saw that the lead dev was going to his own desk.
Boss: Where do you think you’re going?
Lead dev: I’m bored :v
😂😂😂😂😂7 -
Boss came in with new project:
boss shows me the design
me: it's a wordpress website ?
boss: client wants it with prestashop
me: but the brief is for an ecommerce website with 2 categories and a blog, wordpress with woocommerce and a blog should be enought
boss: no, client wants it with prestashop
oh I forgot, client wants it in a shared hosting server, where I can't add php extensions
started the project, fucked my weekend with anxiety and depression, and then products list came in ... 15 product
me: ok, I need to get the fuck out quick
I quit, I sleep at night, I smile with my kids ...2 -
My boss : you're not qualified enough as web developer...
Me : Need me to learn a new language ?
My boss : you should learn "illustrator"!
Me : you know I'm a front end developer right ?
My boss : yes, Illustrator, ever heard of it?
Me:...1 -
>be me
>join new firm
>only developer
>Task : Migrate our PHP based website to reactjs
>okay not bad, I can do this
>*Completes in 2 days*
>get inputs from boss and he gives
>go back again to inform we're now SASS integrated
>asks for new wireframes
>wtf lol.exe
>wants new design for the same website like of the parent company which is WordPress template
>*Internally : I'm a developer, I don't do wireframes*
>okay no problem
Seriously, if you wanted a new design in the first place why didn't you said so? -
My boss keeps trying new tech with important new projects instead of trying the fucking new things with anything other than important shit.
I support this let's try better options approach but cmon, be rational about it.2 -
When you don't want to explain what you've done with application's code base so you play the "algorithm" card.
Boss: tell me about the new release.
Me: updated the search algorithms boss.
Boss: cool. Release!
Me: 😎 -
I know a developer who works for a Mortgage Company, and he is dangerously incompetent. He used to work for my boss before I did and we both told his new boss how unqualified he is, but because he's able to get things "done" they think he does a good job. But I've been in the code and their entire system could any day just completely Fall Apart and they could be in a lot of trouble and we tell them this and they don't listen to us.5
-
My previous boss disappeared for a week and didn't tell us why. We thought the team was gonna get fired because of him and I even started looking for a new job. The team got fired, but they kept me for some other work.4
-
Can't believe this, my boss was pushing me to deploy the new mobile app version and now that its done he is traveling and didn't migrate the data that the app needs to works....2
-
My boss just came to me and demanded that we drop the first layer of security from our new servers so that the snake oil salesmen he used can open test it. I did try to explain that you don't remove security to test security.8
-
So, my boss is pretty cool. Two of my colleagues made a review of my code (me being new, also on job training). We three were sitting in front of my code, me explaining enthusiastically my code, one of my colleagues looked a bit confused. My boss listening to the whole conversation, he said: "Her code works perfectly". But the way he said it, priceless! I swear, he had a very 'bitchy' voice and also waved while saying that. He looked proud, and we started to laugh.4
-
boss: *showing me the new platform*
me: "oh that looks like a good demo"
boss: "ah no that's the product! we're going to put this live"
me: "wh... there's no update nor delete function for anything! where is the user profile? where are the menus??"
boss: "that's ok, we'll take note when people start using it"
and now
boss: "we've concluded the product was bad and we're giving up on it" -
Users and Bosses.
I honestly don't know who is worse, the end user or the boss.
The boss thinks all you do is click a button and everything just works, so everything should take 30 minutes to complete, why on earth would it take a week to do something?
The user seems to think every tiny idea is the most important thing ever to add, so they tell said boss it must be added, and boss normally agrees.
I get it, Marge (Fake name), adding in a copy button because you're too dumb to press ctrl + c is way more important than updating the security after a Ransomware attack.
No boss, I can't add in 30 new things and make sure the security protocols are updated all before the meeting in 15 minutes.
If you think it's all so easy and just pressing buttons, why did you hire me? Anyone who can read and press a button should be able to do it....4 -
After designing the new server architecture for our software and the security to go with it, the boss decides we should ask our provider’s solutions architects to see if it is okay, they came back and said it all looks good apart from one part which my manager did and I always said was bad practice.
-
Thanks everyone, another follow up:
After successfully securing the interview and going through it like a boss I'm starting my new job on Monday. Bless y'all6 -
Friday evening. Just finishing new website for my company. (Had to build it with wordpress) Boss wants to bring it online right before weekend. Switch domain to production. Nothing works anymore. Fuck Wordpress. 👿9
-
Me: "hey we should do this new project in react!"
Boss: "no he barrier to entry is to tough for our team"
Boss talks to past employee(which he had to let go because he was a TERRIBLE developer who now works for facebook....) about new project, past employee recommends react....
Team is now going to work on a new project written with react......1 -
I'm at a pretty cool company today, learning new stack now. Everyone is helpfull and teaches me a lot.
I remember at my first job, when I just started, my boss sent me a MINIFIED .js file (just one file and nothing else) and said "it doesnt work, please fix this". After OBVIOUSLY not being able to fix it, at that moment, I started to doubt my choice to become a web dev.
I turned out to be pretty okay. But, fucking hell, thinking back, that "ex-boss" of mine could potentially influence my later career decisions and not in a good way.4 -
Finally got a job I see myself staying in more than 2 years :) A boss that give us time to write / read blog posts.
Flexible work life.
Working with all the new stuff like dotnet core, docker :) -
I am actually a bit angry that there is no fucking thing to rant about at my new work - no dumb clients, no dumb project managers (I am doing project management with the boss and the company is somewhat startupish) and the project is interesting as well.6
-
If I had a company. I would only accept code for application. Grades, gender, age... i couldn't care less7
-
The team of interns I'm working with are all off this week. I was given 2 skilled colleagues to cover for them. We had our first scrum today:
Boss: so what are you working on?
Me: I'm adding new feature 1 + 2.
Boss: and you?
Colleague: I am ... removing the shit -
First personal project in my new employment.
This is the situation:
[ • ] Frontend
Drupal with custom module which load an Angular 6 application inside certain urls. Da hell for my eyes but interesting in somewhat.
[ • ] Back end
SharePoint "database" middled by a my-boss-written Java layer used to map SharePoint tokens in something more usable2 -
boss: “I’m conceiving a new policy for engineering. What do you think about these changes?”
me: “Looks good”
boss: “You hardly looked at it”
me: *looks for one second longer than I did last time* “Looks good”
boss: “Do you actually care about this?”
me: “Am I going to have to enforce this policy or interact with any aspect of what happens when it becomes official?”
boss: “No”
me: “Honestlly, man….I really don’t”.
boss: :( “Ok”.
🤷♀️4 -
*2 days ago in a meeting*
Boss: "We need you to develop this, this .... *adds 10 tasks in Trello*
*1 day ago. less than 24 hours*
Boss: "So , what's new regarding the tasks?"
ME (angry): "You just gave me all those tasks less than 24 hours ago. What kind of news do you expect?"
*Boss leaving to his desk, laughing from embarrassment.*4 -
i came to workspace, my boss said:
"wtf are you doing at here?
u know, we got new big project!!"
and continued:
"why you wasting your time by coming here? and why you are not drunk already?!!"4 -
Me asking my boss some deadline information through email: "Should this feature be added ASAP or delayed until the new year"
Him: "Yes"
Which one damnit?!6 -
Interviewer: “I agree, companies should stop calling people devops engineers, devops is a culture”
Me: “I’m glad you see it that way too”
*weeks later*
Interviewer, now new boss: “and this is our DevOps Engineer, Jeff”
Me: 🤨2 -
I cant express how outraged this makes me feel.
Me to my PM months ago (when I started) "we should upgrade the versions of node and angular when I do the tests (because yes, no tests at all)
Boss:"why? No no"
Our version of node 0.10.40 has no support any longer. But hey, I'm leaving that role :-) good luck new guy if new guy comes....2 -
My Boss: Hey let's meet to discuss a new project you need to start on Monday.
Me: Great!
My Boss: It's a WordPress project
Me: I will be at the bar...2 -
My boss assigned me to design our new house sign. It will be printed onto acrylic plastic. Thoughts?11
-
We are on a tight deadline and EVERY FUCKING TIME I see, my fucking boss is developing new features for the product... WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?1
-
So it's done. I signed my new contract with my new company after I left my old job. Better contract level, better pay, better benefits (at my old office they didn't even give me a pc. I had to use mine..)..
But the sad/funny story is that my old boss do not talk to me anymore because he can't understand why I'm leaving..sooo mature!
I really don't care because actually he do not deserve anything from me, he's (and forever will be) an arrogant prig without humility.
The only regret is leaving the co-workers I bound with..but I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Yep.. maybe this is definitely a rant/story!
Wish me good luck for this new adventure!2 -
me and my boss plan to make a new feature to our system.
i model the database tables
he says that there are too many tables
i say its atomic and acid
he says to put all the columns in a single table14 -
Boss: oh so you are working on that unrealistic 3week project ? Let me also assign you some completely unrelated office work.
Me: But I'm a programmer, researching other companies and contacting them looking for new projects is not part of my job descrip...
Boss: oh don't worry I'm sure you'll do great!
Me: that's not what I'm sayi...
Boss: ok I have to go now, have it ready by tomorrow!
Me:(crying internally)...ok.6 -
So, just started my new job (stoked btw). At the last interview - boss: what kind of OS do you work on?
Me: I'm a simple guy who uses windows and notepad++
First day at work - get a brand spankin' new macbook and endure the most unproductive day ever...19 -
I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.
Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"
Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"
Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)1 -
Me apprentice 18 years old in germany: I don’t want to go in another team
Also me in the new team after 2 days: playing with my new boss during work CSGO and say everyone we are to busy with the big project3 -
At my previous job, no matter how many times I explained it, "a jquery" was an image slider for by boss. No need to say new devs didn't know what the hell he was talking about when he said the clients wanted "a jquery".2
-
My boss was fired and now I have to answer to his boss. "I have this issue with your product, can you make it mire idiot prood?" Well, sure, we just didn't met so persistent idiot up to now...2
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So we're looking for a new developer, my boss sends me an email with a subject "Intresting CV". It was for a office clerk who altered a Wordpress website for the company they use to work for
-
New boss gets us to work overtime, all weekend and till 9pm. Promising that we will get that time back.
We get the project through the door. His KPI looks great to his boss. He then slithers his way around hints about this time back. Someone confronted him today and he says he can't officially recognise the over time due to company policy. The fucker.9 -
I have a new boss who was hired today. Well, I guess he's supposed to be a 2nd in command to my current supervisor, but I still have to report to him too I guess.
This dude is a high-sodium seasoned dev, and the kind who thinks anyone who's been in the industry less than 15 years should be at best a test engineer or thrown into the 7th ring of Customer Support.
Ugh. I'm now out of gin, which was my backup to my scotch. And this prick expects me to have a PR ready for him to review on a whole new application I've been working on for the last 2 weeks by midday tomorrow. And today was his first day.4 -
Working on a new project at work; all_of_a_sudden boss goes:
"A client needs the current software to do this thing, can u do it"
Me: "Yea, sure"
One week later: "Yea, Im not feeling this, can we change this, that, and--what the heck is that?"
Me: "😑 aaaaa the exact changes u wanted"
Boss:"Well, lets change (A list of stuff and new things added)
Me: Sigh....4 -
My current new boss is pretty awesome. When he arrived, we were a lot of juniors dev crumbling under pressure. He directly went to product team and to sales team and totally reduced our workload to something acceptable.
He values sane work environment a lot, and I think that's what make a good boss -
When you start a new job as the only iOS Software Engineer, and after 3 weeks your boss constantly asks “well, how long is that going to take?” ...
I really wish my response could be “as long as it takes you to find another iOS Engineer for me to work with” 🤬1 -
So this dubass left our company but convinced my boss to migrate our new stuff stack to react+firebase...
Already distributing my resume...2 -
Started a new gig doing APIs and deployment pipelines. After a few weeks a new boss came on the scene and decided I'm now a web dev, and the API and pipelines are going to be scrapped, and replaced by something with less availability and scalability.
Anyone looking for a good back-end dev?
😵💫 -
Boss: so let's get AWS in to ask their advise on the new architecture, but let's not bother involving the systems architect who actually knows what is going on.
-
I fucking love my job. The boss just bought all the devs, QA and support guys brand new sit/stand desks and gaming chairs. Those chairs are so damn comfy! :)2
-
My previous boss has bad habit of relieving employees. He find out his links in a employee
s new company and then god knows what he did with that.
For, that reason I did not mention my current company when I switch but today I tried to find out those people who left before me it was shocking that no one updated their current company.
Creepiness of the former boss was real. Everyone was scared. -
It’s really painful how non technical people think all technical stuff is the same.
The amount of times I’ve been brought in to help someone with a printer or WiFi network.
I didn’t do a computer science degree for this.
I’m also pretty sure my last two bosses think fixing the printer is the same as creating large scale systems.
My last boss wanted me to build a Vr chatbot despite spending the last few years building web servers and react/redux apps. I mean I can probably figure it out and it’ll be fun, but don’t think I’m gonna get this done in a week with all my other responsibilities too.
My new boss wants me to singlehandedly build a massive marketplace system that would probably take a team of ten, several years.
Fed up of being around non technical managers who don’t listen to me with my feedback.
Time for a new chapter in the new year.2 -
Hi guys its needtoroll
I was gone for a few months but now I am back and ready for more.
However I dont have anything to rant about I have an awesome new boss and a challanging project in an interessting stack.5 -
I work for a programming / design studio / tech and new solution company. We do all kind of new tech inventions.
Everyone is a tech guru, except my boss who don't know one single programming language, don't know even how to format a pc, never finished his school..
The other day we asked me how to change his phone ringtone..2 -
Me: we need to fix all these technical debt and prevent new ones from growing
Boss: this needs to be prioritized by product owner
Correct me if I'm wrong but a PO didn't see all the shit under the hood, (of a nice looking "car")... And by the time the engine starts choking... It's already too late?1 -
Boss: Why are you trying to build the old program?
Me: Because I need to determine behavior of why old program works with data that new program does not.
Boss: Does it affect the output?
Me: No, but...
Boss: STOP! Just filter it.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Go write new fun code, not work on old shit.
Me: Thank you for saving me from myself.
In reference to:
https://devrant.com/rants/4666401/...2 -
Boss: look we have only VR projects this year. You need to learn Unity.
ME: NO fucking way..... FUCK You unthankful PRICK. I'm not going to learn your fucking unity bullshit after all those backends, mobile apps, code I've wrote for you? I FUCKING HATE UNITY. Time for a new job I guess.13 -
the feeling when you have typed up ans signed a resignation letter and still need to turn it in and "the talk" with your boss.
made all the better by the fact that we are opening a new location in the time span of the 2 weeks notice I'm about to give.
oh and the boss will be going on vacation just after that.2 -
New dev hired to assist me told the boss that he was going to refactor the code to improve stability.
He converted all my fragments into activities. Because he didn't understand working with the back stack. Now everyone is asking me what happened.3 -
So my boss got a call from a company, trying to sell a piece of software supposed to monitor your ink levels and send you an email, if they are running low, so that IT has a chance to send new before the old one runs out.
They wanted something like 20$/month/printer, so guess what I'm developing now...3 -
My most useless meeting was probably the review meeting for a new team I had to consult for a short while for. A review to find why nothing gets done on time. Everyone showed up an hour late, including the boss.4
-
Me: *starts learning new tech stack*
Boss: you do this project right now(will have no relation with the tech stack I'm learning)
Me: boss you told me to learn something else
Boss: I need the project by this week.12 -
My boss and I, with a normal morning greeting in slack
Me: morning boss, how are you?
Boss: very good and you?
Me: marvelous. hey boss, do you have a secret entry to your office? I didn't see you coming
Boss: hahaha, front door :| . And I greeted everyone too
Me: :( sorry
Boss: Microsleep 😂
Me: 😎 nope, extreme concentration
Me: it's a new development methodology, born from extreme programming
Boss: 😶3 -
So I my boss told me about an interview ha had for a new account manager position.
${BOSS} so can you tell me about your knowledge with DNS and DHCP?
${GIRL} I have no idea, I dont listen to West Coast rap
${BOSS} ...5 -
At my previous job when I was new, I asked my boss to let me use headphones while working, It'll increase my attention and productivity to work but he denied right away.2
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Me:To my new boss I think its fare we adopt version control for the project we working on.
Boss: No need just do what we hired you for.
Me:Its my second day of work and don't know how this will play out
Am beginning to dislike this boss he still sticks to old practices4 -
Message I just sent my boss about a new person on a completely different team...
"Hey boss, would you be able to figure out who supervises [xyz] and ask them to... Supervise some more? Been getting a bunch of super basic questions and don't have time to train them up from scratch for [other team] right now"5 -
It’s really painful how non technical people think all technical stuff is the same.
The amount of times I’ve been brought in to help someone with a printer or WiFi network.
I didn’t do a computer science degree for this.
I’m also pretty sure my last two bosses think fixing the printer is the same as creating large scale systems.
My last boss wanted me to build a Vr chatbot despite spending the last few years building web servers and react/redux apps. I mean I can probably figure it out and it’ll be fun, but don’t think I’m gonna get this done in a week with all my other responsibilities too.
My new boss wants me to singlehandedly build a massive marketplace system that would probably take a team of ten, several years.
Fed up of being around non technical managers who don’t listen to me with my feedback.
Time for a new chapter in the new year.
#whosHiring?1 -
Fuck. My boss left for a meeting with the client to show him the new frontend. 5 minutes after he left I saw that on the staging server half of the page entries were gone for the non-default localizations. FUCK.
It took me 20 minutes to restore the fuckery. I hope the client didn't see it...3 -
Me: *asks boss for the id of his test store so I can apply experimental schema changes to test out a new dashboard app*
Boss: *gives me production store id and doesn't say anything*
Fate: … "You got lucky this time."
This is the CEO of the company btw. Startups. *sigh*1 -
So a week ago my boss asked me to design + build/write code for our new site from scratch.
Meanwhile the old website they have had for 5 years is still without SSL and looks pre-2000.
It's supposed to be finished and be mobile responsive by tomorrow.
I'm the digital marketer.3 -
When do you tell your boss you’re looking for another job?
I reached the point where I just don’t care anymore and I want to tell my boss that I am actively looking for alternative employment and I will be leaving as soon as I possibly can.
What would your advice be in this situation? Rather wait until I have something in pipeline in terms of new employment? Or just let them know that I have reached this point?10 -
So today at work while trying to get a group of people together to play a game of foosball my boss comes up to my friend and starts talking with him.
The conversation then goes on to include the topic of a new hire coming onboard and my boss not wanting to take him into our team because he feels that the new hire isn’t smart enough.
I’m the time span of this argument/conversation I went and helped another coworker, bought a keyboard from a friend and also finished reading a 25 page white paper.
At the end he still doesn’t want to have the new hire on our team.
All I wanted to do was play a game of foosball 😥8 -
After 10 years using Linux server my boss bough a new application that runs on Windows server with Apache.
It's just like when my son returns to an old play ground and finds the sand box.
P.S. Please give me a suggestion: what FTP server shall I use?6 -
Boss: Let's hire a new person to help us recreate our website
Us: sounds good!
Boss doesn't hire anyone and starts the website on his own
Boss: I started the new website. It's in server X and the address is test.y.com. I also want all of us to work on it
Me thinking: great he just wants us to modify the hosted files like he does 🙄
Me: I'll move a copy to GitHub for version control.
Boss: Great!
Boss creates a backup folder on the same computer and folder path that the hosted files are on.
Someone please nuke that server so my boss learns version control like I've asked before. I think I'll opt not to work on a website where he and my other co-workers will just overwrite each other's changes because he doesn't want to learn to git 😑4 -
qa: so yesterday we found some bug, not really related to you but <boss> told me to put it on you
me: yeah, when he doesn't, this dick didn't work since I came
*later this day at ~15:00*
boss: so I'm going home, you **must** deal with this bug today, your algo doesn't work.
me: it did 2 days ago didn't it? did you even check the bug?
boss: yeah
me: did you check for regression or just said to put it on me?
boss: nope
me: did you check the changes of the new guy?
boss: nope
me : so why the fuck blame my code?!
*17:10 I'm going home no regression, new guys code deadlocks, not a single fuck thrown* -
I once had a nightmare because my boss suddenly appear in my dream. After that I woke up and can't sleep again, so I'm checking my mail and there is a new mail from him.. On 2am.
-
I Just realized that during my sort conversation with my boss tonight where I said I haven't learned anything new from this job in years. That usually I bring what I learned during my own time to work. He said "didn't you learn something new investigating this issue?"
NO I DO NOT WANT TO FUCKING HAVE TO HAVE A PROD ISSUE IN ORDER TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW.... -
Tomorrow starts a new guy in my team (I am TL), but I have never seen him before! 😕
A coworker resigned during the hiring process and has had his last day today and I am overtaking his team because my boss is unable to set up a job profile.
180% of workload and even more new guys arriving (2 more in the next 2 months!)
No salary raise either...
FML4 -
I'm getting fired because while, searching for a new job, the hr call my boss to ask him why i was quitting (he didn't know yet)3
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My boss: now that the other project is stable, you can start working on this new one. It has to be built from scratch in Angular.
Me: is there any particular reason we have to make it in Angular? Last one in React+Redux worked very well and I am getting used to it.
My boss: Just to give it a try.
And Angular steep learning curve is not even the worst part. Lack of design and direction is.2 -
New dev has been ghosting our team. Doesn’t attend meetings and is always “out”. My boss is about to handle it, but it’s been a drain on productivity to have this going on. Is this a common thing any of you are seeing in development professions? I can’t imagine doing that to an employer.5
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When my boss say "we gonna build a new software and we gonna use JS" I start wondering if i really need this job12
-
*embedded rant*
Boss finds new chinese supplier for the lcds we use and tells me to make one work so we can see the new quality. All is good.. the lcd works. But at some point I start seeing some defects. Pretty annoying defects.
Boss tells me to explain the defects to the chinese engineers so that they can either fix it or tell us if we did something wrong. So I do it. I explain everything in detail as one engineer to another.
An hour after I submit the email I get called. The boss is furious that the email is bs. His reasons .. " We are working with cheap-ass chinese. None of their engineers know english. How do you expect anyone to understand all that stuff you said?!"
ffs.. i had to dumb it down to 5th grade english..1 -
My boss decides on new languages/frameworks almost each new project...
These are the number of different languages/frameworks we are at...
Back end:
5
Frontend:
4
Sometimes it looks like he is trying to even out by 10 :)2 -
Got let go / fired today. I was still on my probation period, but they are going to pay me out for the next 2 weeks.
My boss wasn't even in the call "because he's in a sales meeting".
You know you are being let go when you don't have access to any company passwords, and they don't assign you any new work.
Well, onto something new. But first going to relax and catch up on my sleep.2 -
So, brand new laptop. Running an i5-7200U, 8gb of RAM, just put a 1tb SSD in there. Even has an optical drive my dudes! Also got a nice lineup of new mechanical pencils cause my mom is a fucking boss. Today's been a good day.
Merry Christmas everyone! -
Signing the contract with a new agency as their new dev in 3 hrs. Will quit my current Job on Aug. 18. Looking forward to that day. Boss will explode...5
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boss said: "we need create new version of our software. copypaste old version in new branch. so we will have dozens of versions and all of them online and working."
my question: "what if old bug will appear in all off 100500 branches? we will need fix all the versions of bug in different copies we have modified!"
boss said:"c'mon when we will get this problem then we will think about it. all the devs in world working on many versions. its easy."
your opinion?2 -
New boss just gave me access to pluralsight, and i'm loving it! Can't wait to get going this fall. 😀1
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Today a co-worker (I am going to call him 'boss') ask to another co-worker (I am goin to call it 'useless piece of shit' or 'ups') to explain to me a new task, becaus boss was to bussy with a new release for a client.
Idk how but ups managed to explain all wrong, like terribly wrong.
Ups: "Dev, all you have to do is fix some queries from local files"
Dev: "Ok, seems legit"
Try the local files, nothing happend
Dev: "weird... ups why this is happening?"
Ups: "I know the same as you, ask boss."
Dev: "boss this."
Boss: "what the actual what? ... this is all wrong. The config file is in mongo, in this IP, we don't use local files anymore. I tell ups to explain this to you so I can atay focused on this other task, but now I lost the double amount of time"
Dev: "oh... sorry, I will fix the remote queries"
I hate ups, every fucking time soneone need something from him this happend or worst...1 -
My boss has told me he now doesn’t think we can afford the new property management system we desperately need to do most of the projects this year.
He has now suggested that I build a new one for the company to use from scratch. Oh and in the same timeline as buying an off the shelf product.
😒 -
Couple of months ago a friend of mine got a new charge in the company as director of software development, he is an awesome person, always helping and trying to hear all opinions, but his wife also works there, she is an absolutely awful person, since the new charge of my friend she feels like the boss trying to control the time of the people, and the ways the things are done in the company, and if you don't agree she warns you about telling to his husband, but my friend just try to calm down the things and get to an agreement in both parts. So I mean, bro you are an excellent boss but you should put limits on your wife, at least in the job.1
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That moment when you are totally concentrated with a cool new implentetation and your boss comes and occupies you the whole day with a bugfix.. -_-
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3rd week of my new job: I f**ed the computer. Deadline is coming and boss on vacations. Great. Just great3
-
When your boss gives you a new project on top of what you are working on any tells you that you'll have to do it in off hours...at least I get OT
-
After remembered my boss for two months to create a team GitHub acc, he finally made it today.
Time for a new era 🤓
New frameworks, new source Control what's next?
CI Tools? 😱😂
Feels awesome to work with the good tools you already know from your private projects 🤗1 -
I went on a coding tear last week, probably because my boss was on vacation. I optimized the bejesus out of a half dozen apps and created five or six new features to downstream apps. But now I need to write them all down, and make retroactive stories for them. I hate admin.5
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New project.
Boss and customer decide it'll be used only on desktop devices, so they told me it doesn't need to be responsive.
Two weeks into development at a jour fixe:
Boss: "How's the responsiveness going?"
Me: "U wot?!"3 -
Boss told me that we need to hurry up to have a few new features ready on the app that he would mail me with all the details.
A week has gone by and I'm still waiting for that e-mail. -
One of new junior devs after his 3 month "trial period" was good enough to keep him so he went to boss to talk about his future.
He came back with big smile and told us how much of big raise he got (now earning as much as seniors)
I asked my boss what was so special about him, maybe we should improve somehow, he answered "He was yelling at me, what could I do?"
Now I know how to approach him next time I talk about a raise :p4 -
What a week!!
Seriously exhausted. Crunch time to launch a brand new service... Pulling all nighters and stress.
Looking forward to having many beers with the boss to celebrate once it's a done and dusted. -
Not 1 Business Unit in Company: We need this feature immediately.
My Team: Anyone object to this 2 hour old merge request?
Me: Well, yeah, I found a couple things that we should probably go ahead and address.
My Team: we'll fix that in a future release
Me: But you said that last release...
My Boss: MR Accepted
Also My Boss: Can you make a new user story to fix this?1 -
some friend asked me today:
is it ok to lie to boss and say that I had a new job offer.. just to negotiate on the salary?
Me: post question on devrant13 -
Started a new web dev job, how long until I can tell my new boss that the codebase sucks and needs a complete rewrite?2
-
I am teaching myself a new skill.
Everytime my non-technical boss speaks about devOps, I am going to force the tetris theme tune to play inside my head to block him out.1 -
We estimated out how long a new project was gonna take using story points. It wasn't too big and the estimate came out to two months. We discussed it and it seemed to be all good.
Later on someone pointed out a Quora question where my boss asked why it would take so long to develop such a project.
My boss trusts people on Quora more than his own employees.2 -
So related to my very first rant, after two months on the new job, I got the whole team together (including my boss) and taught them how version controlling works!5
-
my boss some months ago: so there is this new project, and we're planning to slowly fade in and gradually increase the time you guys work on this project
new pm last week: welcome to the project, you're now 100% allocated to the new project, that's your highest prio now
me: ...what about the other projects? they might have questions xD
pm: don't worry about that, dealing with that is not your job
my boss this week: yeah no, the other releases are most important for our company. the new project needs to be subordinated and has lower prio, at least lower prio than critical and highly prioritized bugs.
me: so.... who decides which items from which projects i shall prioritize higher than the new project and how much time i shall spend on them?
my boss: it is your job to talk to people, give them estimates and tell them how many items you can work on, so they can decide which items they pick
so basically i'm having the feeling that i need to manage myself here. it will be fun to attend the new project daily standups and tell the new pm all the time that i couldn't do anything because i had no time. anyone else with this experience? is this normal? actually i liked our new pm's attitude "dealing with that is not your job". i should have known it was too good to be true ^^'5 -
Following my first rant, my boss had the brilliant idea of running the old and the new architecture in parallel. I had advised that it won’t be ideal since the same Scala code was ingesting into 2 different Kinesis streams and one was running an old KCL written in Java where as other was consumed by a Firehose delivery stream(eventually we will be ingesting it into Firehose directly). I had told few manual + automated tests on Code as well as from a functionality of the new architecture and a set of tests for checking the integration of the new Producer code with Consumer.
The statement I got from my boss was “This is the test, we test it on production in parallel”. My boss had a brilliant idea to fucking test the new code on the production directly but running them in parallel without accounting for undefined behaviour it might cause in the current production system. I mean my boss should get a Nobel peace prize for shattering our mental peace.
Anywho, we started the deployment today at 5AM in the morning. I had all the aws services deployed. Was just waiting to deploy the new Collector code which we did at 5AM. Immediately after 5 minutes the system went bonkers, there was fire, blood, demons and I was smoking a cigarette with the biggest “I told you so smile” on my face. I’ve just written an email to my boss and have told him calmly that “Listen motherfucker, 90 percent of the software companies aren’t idiots to focus on testing and quality. We need to start spending time on testing and quality else we’ll again be in the same soup after few weeks again”.waiting for his reply1 -
At my last work place I wanted to visit a Conference for a long time but my boss never even was interested in at least helping me with the price of the tickets.
Now at my new job 2 Weeks in and I already got tickets for the w-jax in Munich <3
I'm soooooo exited :D -
Just signed the offer paperwork with a new company!! Excited for a great opportunity with great benefits! Had to tell devRant before telling my boss, wish me luck!3
-
Switching workplace after new year.
Already told boss I'm quitting last week. And it is like as soon as It was official I lost all patience with the company bullshit and lost the little interest I had left for my daily work. The codebase seemes bad before but now it feel 100x worse.
Work ethic keeps me from doing nothing but man I just want to get out.
Will be so nice to work with a new project and code base.1 -
Me at my new job: Can I please install a version controlling system to keep my codes organized?
Boss: why do you need it? can't you just navigate the directories?
Me: I will go mad in 2 years!
....
Opens VS 2019 ... sees Local Git Repo system... mind blown!!! :O9 -
I am going to rant about this here because there is nowhere else where I can "SCREAM".
My work process....
Working on a project that does not have mockups nor a plan. I am building as I go. Design, infrastructure, EVERYTHING. Because my boss is a "genius".
And the project goes like this....
1. Boss tells me to build something.
2. I tell him the functionalities and design.
3. Boss, "Figure out yourself and we will see how it goes".
4. Me, Builds something.
5. Boss does not like it and demands changes.
6. I make the changes.
7. Repeat.
1 year and a half for one project that is a simple e-commerce. Show the products, a search functionality, users sign in and can order and show their orders.
A simple page in which does not take time, but without a plan, without A FUCKING PLAN this project will go on forever.
I am losing my mind. I put on test and tell my boss to test it for bugs. He demands a meeting and tells me, "we need to add this".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE. TEST THE SITE FOR BUGS YOU FUCKING USELESS THING. I WILL FIX THE BUGS AND THEN WE WILL TALK FOR NEW MODULES.
I am doing documentation, database infrastructure, front-end, back-end, testing (because my boss cannot do it. It took him 2 week to start testing for some things after asking him every fucking day "Did you test it", "Did you test it").
Maintaining out CRM for bugs and new modules and maintaining our company's website.4 -
Talk with boss on phone about new billing page for split test.
Create new billing page.
Create split test
Launch.
Checking everything after a few hours. Notice the boss turned off the control on the split test so everything runs to new page. Noticed two other tests that he had turned off variations on also, so no tests are actually splitting, but they're all still eating up our paid clicks.
I'm glad I wasted time setting up the test and goals only for it to not be used.1 -
Well I've got this new worker and me and him are like "great minds think alike" , we're now trying to convince the boss that a specific monitoring product that cost hundreds has an equivalent open source.... No luck so far in convincing him1
-
Boss hired a freelancer to work on a new reporting dashboard. Freelancer also built a backed. Boss wants me to work on fixing that backend. I check out the DB first only to find plaintext passwords. I threw up a little.2
-
Ever feel like your boss is playing buzzword bingo with your project?
We have new project. Buzzword bingo words for us: microservices and cloud. We're moving our old, big, monolithic app to microservices.
And very strong demand that we keep all nasty solutions gathered in there for the last 10+ years working.2 -
when my boss gives new customers a tour of the company i quickly open hackertyper.com to look extremly productive and talented.3
-
Im new in my job now Im working for a half year and my boss is frequently saying to me that Iam stupid and useless.
I don't know but is this kind of normal?6 -
When your boss ask to convert the system to the new framework version, but still ask the other team add new module. Then said why your work never done hmmm.2
-
How can I interview new developers like a boss. E.g. Give them a PSD and tell them to do the layout etc. What you guys recommend?3
-
If you received an offer for a new job and asked your current boss for a raise to match the new offer, would you tell him/her the real amount or would you inflate it by ~5-10% (or any other arbitrary amount)?
Would that be considered negotiating in bad faith?
I'm not in this position right now (unfortunately), I'm just genuinely curious about what you all would do in this situation.10 -
New boss is trying to show his bossiness to some of my colleagues. But they don't seem to think he is bossy enough...
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Product presentation for a new module in our software suit in 5 hours.
And just now I got an email from my boss, asking if I could add the gui revamp we were planning for next version today...for the presentation...it's just a UI after all.
But yes of course, obviously I do magic and can design, implement and test a new UI from the ground...in less than 3 hours. Because we have to leave early.
Sometimes... -
That moment when you get popcorn ready for a relaxing evening and your boss calls and wants a new prototype application in two days.
Gotta love it4 -
My boss will complain about the missing comma in a sentence before he appreciates the new feature added to the app or how fast the app loads.....2
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Well I would say a pretty humbling experience was my last job interview where my new boss and hr guy were truly shared by my skills and then the first day at work where my boss said please do this decision, I really need an opinion by an experienced developer like you as I am not sure which one is the better one.1
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Rant but also !rant
When I got the new remote dev job, there was no laptop purchase involved. We were down a computer at home when a desktop died and there was a lot of sharing going on with only one laptop. So we spent more than we planned to for Christmas and bought a replacement for the dead desktop so I could have more use of one for my job.
Yesterday my new boss says "Oh, we should get you a new laptop. Here's some money."
Oh well, at least this way there is more to go around!3 -
Fuck!! I can't sleep because two of my coworkers took vacation and my boss told me this afternoon that he want me to do their tasks AND create a hole new project for the public administration. That's a lot of work!!
I have two weeks but, holy shit!!8 -
life as the only dev at work:
boss: so the new system is finished now right?
me: its finished enough for people to log in and test it
boss: so its finished?
me: .... suuure -
I just blew up at my boss again.... I'm doing something and then he asks about including a new feature and figure out if it's doable. A quick question is ok but an analysis of a new feature.... NOT WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF RESOLVING A MORE IMMEDIATE ISSUE.
OPEN A FUCKING JIRA, SEND ME AN EMAIL, AND I'LL TAKE A LOOK ONCE I'M DONE WITH WHATEVER I M DOING.8 -
When your boss is micro managing you and you forget to let him know you’re fixing to move onto the next issue at hand. He gets pissed, but then it’s suddenly okay because you remember you’re about to start a new job.
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Brand new day, time to have a new mindset.
I need to finish the big project for the big boss, and fix things with my wife. Wish me luck fellas
Thinking of shaving my beard to remind my wife of when we first met so she will be tricked into loving me for the time being.4 -
TFW you are finally making progress on a project... and a ticket comes in. Ok, just knock that out... intern needs help. Ok, real quick, I'll help my man out... boss wants to discuss a new project. Ok... what was I working on?
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No better way to start off a new year than to wake up to message from the boss telling you that you need to start to work even harder because there are projects overdue and clients has started charging penalties.
Of course he doesn't care that there are only two of us (me, a Junior Android Dev and he iOS Dev) and there are 3 projects, all with deadlines in December 2017 or January 2018.1 -
fuck me.
it's monday and to start in a new project I'm reading a paper my boss once wrote.
It's the worst I ever seen - stop using so much smart words and stop introducing fuckin smart math notations everywhere!!!
That fucker reads like a pretentious science lecture an my poor simple village brain doesn't like it6 -
So after a couple of days of playing around, I just finished the larger part of a program that my new boss wants in C# (which is new to me). So far I'm really loving the wide variety of functions, but I'm struggling to get used to the fact that everything in the ASP.net part gets "processed" (like using BuildForn to create a form tag instead of just typing the HTML) and it just slows down the process a bit 😂2
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So i just saved myself like a day of work.
My boss wanted me to make a new endpoint for a webpage I'm working. Ok, spend yesterday afternoon planning it out.
Come in this morning, ready to write it. Look through our api docs. Turns out we have almost the exact endpoint i need, minus 1 simple field. Add the field (1 line of code).
Everything is looking good, I'm a day ahead of where i planned to be. I just wish my boss had told me of the endpoint earlier.
Planning and good docs pay off. -
Can't get on with work until plans are approved by boss.
Can't get approved by boss because he leaves every day at lunch.
N.B. I'm new1 -
I need to finish a project where the boss is a nice woman (maybe 55 years old), and her assistant (30-35 years old). Guess who is always asking about any single button? Who is always saying "But that label is ugly", "I don't understand that", "Maybe we need some new features..." Yeah, the assistant. She hates us and we hate her1
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new manager: draft a runbook consisting of like ~3 lines for marking a jira ticket as duplicate and closing it
.....like.....i can do this because it's what you want and you're my boss but something about this just doesn't sit right with me /shrug3 -
Everyone excited discussing a new data access API to provide to the clients when, le boss:
"Just so you guys think out of the box a bit. What if you deployed the API on Swagger instead of AWS? It seems a nice and fresh approach, huh?"
Everyone on the room remained in silence and internally questioning why do we work here...1 -
If boss doesn't like you, what would you do ?
1- try to make him happy with your work?
2- search for new job.
p.s boss insulting too much after anything goes wrong.
What is the professional way to deal with that kind of situation?14 -
my boss doesn't believe in AGILE-SCRUM, hence android and back end is always out of sync and I always end up having to rewrite the code in order make it compatible with the back end, even though i have to post a new binary to the app store and play store not to mention get the users to actually update the damn app. How do I get my boss to adapt SCRUM?3
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You know your day/week/month/year is fucked when your non-tech boss tells you about this awesome new tech that he has found in a article...
Literally a monkey with money. -
When your new boss who has been developing >10 years longer than you says "fair enough, we've finally reached the extent of your knowledge" because array_push removes elements instead of appending them... yeah? Let's see what the PHP documentation has to say about this shall we?! ;)2
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Spent 4 hours playing the role of a designer and crafted some great UI and showed my fellow Dev's and we were all in agreement to implement.Eight hours later our lead designer crafts a totally new look that my boss is so into forcing us to redo the app
Lesson learnt keep your lane1 -
Trying to sell my team on switching to a new technology.
Told my boss I'd bust ass to get a feature similar demo ready in 2 months by myself, on my own time, because I fucking HATE the current stack we're battling against every fucking day.
There goes my life for 2 months. Fuck. -
So at work we use ASP.NET web forms. Since the .NET Core exists now, and that uses ASP.NET MVC, is it worth looking into that and learning about it? My boss is hesitant to move over for our next project because web forms will go faster because we don't have to learn something new.6
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Everyone has project builds. Boss comes in and says we need to build 12 landing pages on 12 new domains by end of day. Repurposes PR for content, my designer, and 3 devs.
Happy goddamn Friday.1 -
Is it considered greedy when you are accepting job interviews even though you decently love your current job, have decent work balance and benefits and your boss trusts you?
I kinda feel bad being curious on what other companies have to offer for my skills but I don't necessarily plan to accept any new offer.4 -
Best boss ?
Well, on Friday we learned our business was shutting down, bankruptcy.
Other new recruits have had a 10 days notice. My boss had me a 30 days notice instead, and have been fighting day and night since then to find a new investor to buy our solution and hire the team with it, comforting me that I will be part of that team.
Feelsgood to have a boss having your back :-)
(see previous rants for more)3 -
Looks like there are new horribly regurgitated packages in python nowadays which somehow my boss keeps finding I don't know how , which have shorter commands that take more and more time to run because they are just attaching these smaller tags to bigger tags and so on.
And my boss doesn't understand that there's such a thing called as overhead time ffs and it takes the same fucking time to run that same shit and maybe more because the new packages don't have a proper fucking API.2 -
During a stand up meeting, boss turns up to us and says: "Who can stay later today?" Many hands rise. Turns up to new dude, who isn't performing that well: "that performance report automation, it is due tomorrow now. Fuck it. Get it done." Left at 21:30 from the office with an MVP but I usually arrive at 7:00 so I was fucking exhausted. Now, my question is: who am I supposed to be pissed off? The boss who went apeshit on the new dude or the new dude that isn't getting shit done?4
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Spend 3 days redesigning a core server side component which now makes the server side stack perform around 40℅ better...... Boss has some feedback, ignores new changes, requests minor CSS changes to front end...
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Meeting time; issue. People have been leaving at an alarming rate. New boss pulls us into a meeting. We are the people that do the most every day to the point we are tired.
Boss: why do you think we are having issues with attrition?
Me: because we are tired of being told we are doing great work and then being treated like we sit around with are thumbs up are ass.
Boss: I... ummm
Me: yeah it's bad, also I quit.
Point is, I am now making more money, doing better work, in a better place. Point is, don't quit out right, but don't be afraid to look for a better place and take the time to interview.2 -
office devs: im so glad i can work from home and be away from my boss.
fiverr devs:hmm.. I wonder whom might my new boss be. -
When your boss asks what you're working on and you say "Fixing a bug that causes new subscriptions to be prorated to line up with old ones." and he says "Terrible. Needs immediate fix."
"I know! That's what I'm doing!!"1 -
Atm we're merging everything straight up to production because we only have our first client going live tomorrow. No problem except for the fact boss is using production to give demos to clients already. And so some JavaScript change that broke search made it to production and cropped up during a demo. So what does boss do? Call HR/support and yell at her that everything which works needs to keep working. Which is fair if we were live and we go back to merging to production being rare. So HR/support was in tears during our meeting where we were taking about the new live branch structure. GG boss. We consoled HR/support but really boss man knew how we work but ignored it.
Question for everyone though: what can we use or do to prevent changes to more general JavaScript breaking things around the code? We talked about unit tests and maybe code linters but is there more? Because it seems now might be the time to improve our working and even get budgets for tools.1 -
I am shifted to Django for the new project from Laravel. I am shipping features so quick my boss thinks I was slacking off earlier. #django_for_life #python1
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Boss asked me to find out good beginner java course for the new n00b colleagues. Help me out please.7
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I am done with NetBeans! This damn fucking stupid shit of software 😤. PhpStorm let me feel I am in heaven 😍.
Today I have setuped new system. Pray for convincing my boss to fork some license for me within the next 30 days 🙏🙏🙏.1 -
My new boss just asked me why I, a grown man had a minion figure at my desk. I told him it was Bob and it's from where they found their new master or boss - so since I just found my new boss it made sense right?
- Now I'm not sure if he thinks I'm a freak or funny.3 -
A new product release plan is shared on friday with everyone
On Monday morning its goes like this:
My boss: "when have we planned to do feature x?"
Me: "am sorry, I forgot my release plan at home."
My boss: in his mind ->"i thought you shared on Friday?"
Me: in my mind -> "Just say it loud" -
My new boss has such a sensitive ego. The latest is he asked me not to make big changes to 'his' code so whilst attempting to fix a bug in 'his' code I realised a big change was needed. I tell him at standup that he might want to take a look first and he agrees. A few days later he emails me to ask why I haven't finished work on the bug. When I reply he ccs other members of management to ensure he is deflecting any blame from himself (I dont even play the blame game to begin with).
The next day I email him that some tests are broken (he broke them but I just emailed him to bring his attention to it since he doesn't want me touching his code. And because it means he isn't testing properly - not that I would say that).
His reply - "are you going to fix them?"
Me - "ok"
The next morning be brings me into a meeting to ensure I agreed he wasn't to blame and that it was my fault and that he didn't understand my email response as it just said "ok".
I really can't stand such petty bs...2 -
So an old boss phones and suggests I interview for him at his new company.
A week or so later a couple of his senior guys conduct a virtual interview - which is interrupted by the main guy having to go and stop his sky box downloading so he has enough bandwidth to conduct the interview.
I impress and they disappear for a week. Then I'm finally called by a recruiter to say that they weren't willing to pay my asking salary which was provided to the original ex-boss who contacted me.5 -
Joined a new company few days back and found out that colleague with very less experience than mine is at a very higher salary..
How to politely convey ur boss to match the salary..4 -
Well not yelled because we're all remote, at least I am from the rest of the team. But there was a new joiner, a she, but she needed a lot of hands holding even though I told her the gist of how things worked and what she needed to do...
She complained to my boss apparently that I was being mean and vague to her...
So that became a rant here... And other than that one time, my boss kept her away from me. -
i'm new to coding, and today my boss (i'm a scholar btw, not getting paid shit), asked me to review his VB net app... it was a total mess that i wish i could show, but intellectual property exists...xD
is it just the language or should i quit? i want to do it already.4 -
Obligatory !rant, I had been I think about 6 jobs. My current job is still new to consider best/worst boss yet but in my entire career, my old job was the best boss ever. Looked out for all of us, care for us, fought for us, pushed us to do better and rewarded us for being exceptional. Unfortunately I left because of upper management's stupid decisions for financial reasons. I won't go back for my old job but I wouldn't mind working for my old boss again.
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Supposed to code a new trading formula given to me by my boss into the system I'm developing, I understand the formula and know how to code it out, but the thing is
I'm so lazy to code or do anything since the last 6 hours.
What do you guys usually do to break this laziness issue?1 -
https://reactiveconf.com/
who's going?
I will start a new job in October and my new boss already gave a ticket for this event.
I hope I will get my devRant stickers before the event ;) -
When your boss has you learn a new language but then doesn't listen to any of your input concern this language and acts like they know the language as well....which they don't
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@highlight
disabled: Set<string> = new Set();
@highlight
<input
class="form-control"
id="pushBack"
type="text"
[attr.disabled]="disabled.has('pushBack') ? ' ' : null"
[(ngModel)]="local.pushBack"
/>
---
Do you know what's wrong with this code? If you know and you are a junior how would you tell this to your super boss without hurting his feelings?7 -
Say your boss keeps going out of his way to create new positions, and giving them to people without interviewing anyone. Am I wrong for being upset/annoyed by this? They aren’t even positions I wanted. Idk why it bugs me so much…2
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This is the next episode of the rant
https://devrant.com/rants/2202554/
I am in a new team, project and floor, only guys in here, first day, my boss introduced me to Tom, which real name is Thomas.
Shall I call HR?
LOL, I prefer to work with guys only. Thank god1 -
We use Sequelize. This is how we do database structure changes:
- I create/change a model in Sequelize, and let it change my local database, then I do work on that
- I push the new code to a remote branch
- my boss/CTO/lead dev then manually creates/changes the relevant table(s) in our staging database
- I finally merge the branch I originally developed into the remote branch
- boss checks that everything is working
- at last, boss does the same process of modifying/creating tables in production database
- finally, staging code is merged into main
So right now:
- I'm changing a feature, forgot I was editing in the main branch
- go ahead and create a remote branch for it, pull locally, checkout local version of newly created branch
- try to run code
- oops, there's a missing column in one of my local database tables
- ask for boss for SQL script that will create the missing column and potentially add more data or whatever
- waiting for boss to respond
H-how can we improve this process? Boss has talked about us moving to use migrations but we never ended up doing it. I don't know much about migrations either. This is gonna suck so hard.3 -
Office Politics
I suppose I become a victim of office politics. I was working on new project and one more new project having e-commerce aspects was in queue. But my ex-manager went to the boss and asked him to assign me to her :( No more chance to work on e-commerce :( again have to work some geo-location services. Feel like fu*ked up ..2