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Search - "sdlc"
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Inspired by @h3ll, this is a combination of current and former coworkers:
Awkward Wizard:
This guy has the social skills of a microwaved dog turd. He is a genius, but working with him is about as uncomfortable as sticking a grill skewer in your eye and twisting it repeatedly until close of business. He laughs at inappropriate times, and every time he does, an unborn child tears its own ears off. He explains things in a way that only himself and Satan understand, then talks to you like you're a child when you don't follow his logic. He is the guy you hide when the CEO is around. His code is immaculate.
Backstab McGillacutty:
This bowl of bile is the son of a bitch that takes credit for everybody else's work. When you do something good, he was miraculously involved, but when you mess up, this twat is the dicknose that brings it up in retrospective and calls you out by name to the boss. You can usually find these guys talking shit about the CTO, until the boss quits. Then they buddy up with the CTO and become a Joel Osteen-esque evangelist for everything the CTO wants in a shitty, underhanded attempt to climb the ladder. Fuck this guy.
Professor Fuckwaffle:
This coworker used to teach Computer Science classes. Their resume is amazing, and they can speak to the most complex of design principles. This is the shitstain that you hire because of their skill and knowledge only to find out that ol' fuckwaffle can't apply the shit they spout to save their wretched lives. You'll spend more time listening to fuckwaffle lecture than you will reviewing their code (because they cant fucking write any!) You know the saying, those who can, do, and those who can't, teach? Yeah, that shit was written for Fuckwaffle.
Last but not least:
Scrumdumb:
This guy isn't even a coder. This guy is worse than the the scum you pour out of the bottom of a slow-cooker that you forgot to wash last time you made chicken. He's a non-technical PM. You know the type, right? He usually says "cloud infrastructure," "paradigm," "algorithm," "SDLC," etc but has no grasp of any of them. He often opens his dumpster to spout off something like "You can just create a new class for that" while talking about HTML. I won't waste any more breath on Scrumdumb, he already creates enough work for me.3 -
The software development process
i can’t fix this
*crisis of confidence*
*questions career*
*questions life*
oh it was a typo, cool2 -
On my project the customer has re-signed into a contract several times when they have budget to continue work. The first time they got us to build the system was a huge success story because the team was assembled quickly and we did rapid development. Initialize repo to prod in 1.5 months. The customer asked for the same dev team. Strong dev team, a PM that doesn't take shit, and pure agile. Lets call her don't-take-shit PM.
When the customer re-signed the executive decided that she didn't like don't-take-shit PM. So the project manager gets replaced by play-by-the-rules PM who will comply with stupid requests and micromanagement. He isn't a bad PM but he tries to make everyone happy. The amount of management types executive installs on the project is massive, and development team is cut down in major ways. Customer and executive shit rolls down to the development team and we can't get anything done. The customer starts to lose faith because we can't get traction. They start demanding traditional waterfall/SDLC docs. Which causes more delay in the project.
So the executive decides that the PM can take a fall for it to save face for the company. She moves play-by-the-rules PM to another project. He starts handover to a new PM that has a history of being her pushover. The customer hadn't seen him yet so now we have push-over PM.
Play-by-the-rules PM is finally out of the project and instead of moving to a different account the company decides to "lay him off because there is no work". So basically they made him take the fall for the failure while promising reassignment, and instead let him go. This is so unfair..
Meeting with push-over PM yesterday and he shows us his plan. Identical to play-by-the-rules PM's plan that got him axed.We point that out and show him the docs that were made for it. His face clearly communicates "OH SHIT WHAT DID I SIGN UP FOR?"1 -
Unreal Engine SDLC:
1. Start Epic
2. Wait
3. Start Unity
4. Wait
5. Open Project
6. Wait
7. Wait more
8. a bit longer...
9. (it usually crashes here, or freezes, in which case go to 1)
10. Game opened, make modifications in C++ codes
11. Wait VS to load
12. Wait VS to parse all the file in solution
13. Make changes
14. Compile
15. Run from Unreal
16. (sometimes, go to 9)
17. Goto 9
18. 9
19. Goto 9
20. Congrats on finishing the game, and losing your patience8 -
So, you are telling me that I should motivate myself? For working in a dead end job with no scope of promotion, no imminent raise, ever changing job requirements, layoffs, empty cubicles, zero SDLC process in place, no oversight from upper management, it is somehow my fault for me being late to work everyday?
One of these days, I'm going to fling my resignation paper at your face and drop the mic!
Man, Fuck you son!3 -
Shouldn't be there a position called "Document Developer"! who's job is writing documents throughout the whole sdlc processes? Also expanding comments written by the coders. The only skill needed is English MVC framework!2
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Innovation week is upon us! Rejoice and delve into the years of tech debt to be refactored within one week!
Why does anyone pitch "innovation week" as a fun learning experience when a we are doing is cleaning under the rugs? We can barely get typical feature requests out the door in a week due to the overbearing demands of SAFe and Agile ceremonies. -
I hate it when I got severe sickness like fever that disable my focus and concentration, everything that i have planned to finish in a week is delayed, and any arrangements and meetings are postponed. It reduce me everything, productivity, income, client's trust, and it will eventually reduce my reputation.3
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So the current project that I am working on has a couple of phases based on a running competition. Currently the project is in it's 3rd phase as specified in the documentation, but I just got told that there are changes that need to be done so we're moving onto Phase 2 Part 2. How does a phase have a Part 2?
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Can anyone freaking tell me that Agile is still relevant and yet one of the most hated approach??
I'm freaking confused.5 -
so management implements SDLC. finally. but here is the snag... none of the environments are setup for any developer , integration or uat testing. now all the while business keeps pushing changes knto us and making us try work miracles. anyone else have this hell of communication from the high holy management above not listening to developers concerns ?
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My gods, writing software for an *actual* software company now, it truly amazes me just how frustrating my life has been for years...1
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Having to explain for the umpteenth time what the difference is between App Release Notes & App Description right before a release.
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Is the one who goes ahead everytime in meeting and explains what the team is doing and progress to boss, gets more recognition despite he actually contributes to the task? Is that how it works or the silent workers who actually contributes to the tasks gets the recognition too.. should I keep silent?15
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When you're agreed with prototyping sdlc then suddenly it became waterfall model.
"I'm thinking there's some lack of additional features that might be needed by our clie-"
"NO! CAN THE SOFTWARE WORK? WE NEED TO RELEASE TOMORROW "
"Yes it works ok deliver tomorrow"
Fucking cheesedick hobo here comes another deployment Friday that tops another nice fucking shit on your degenerative brain to come up with such a plan -
You know something is not right when out of 13 SP task only 3 SP are for the actual implementation (with tests!) and the rest is for all the Agile / SDLC dance around it.2
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Building Fortresses, not Firewalls: Ethical Hacking Meets Software Development
In the digital age, security is no longer an afterthought; it's the bedrock upon which our online world rests. Yet, traditional security measures often resemble fortresses – imposing, but vulnerable to unseen cracks and tunnels. To truly safeguard our systems, we need to think like the enemy, like the nimble figures scaling those walls: ethical hackers.
Enter the exciting realm of DevSecOps, where ethical hacking practices are woven into the very fabric of the software development lifecycle (SDLC). This proactive approach is akin to building castles with security in mind, each brick meticulously laid to withstand even the most cunning siege.
Why Ethical Hacking in SDLC?
Imagine developing a critical piece of software, only to discover a gaping security hole after launch. The damage could be catastrophic, exposing sensitive data and eroding trust. Ethical hacking flips this script. By integrating penetration testing, vulnerability assessments, and threat modeling throughout the SDLC, we proactively hunt for weaknesses before they can be exploited.
Think of it as a friendly sparring match, where the ethical hacker throws their best punches to expose vulnerabilities, allowing the development team to fortify the software's defenses. This constant testing and refining leads to robust, secure systems that can withstand real-world attacks.
Benefits of DevSecOps:
1. Reduced Costs and Risks: Early detection and patching of vulnerabilities are far cheaper than dealing with a full-blown data breach.
2. Improved Software Quality: Security becomes an inherent part of the development process, leading to more reliable and trustworthy software.
3. Enhanced Brand Reputation: Demonstrating a proactive approach to security builds trust with customers and stakeholders.
Putting it into Practice:
Integrating ethical hacking into the SDLC requires a cultural shift. Developers, security professionals, and testers need to work together seamlessly, sharing knowledge and fostering a collaborative environment. Here are some key practices:
1. Threat Modeling: Identify potential threats and attack vectors early in the development process.
2. Static and Dynamic Code Analysis: Use automated tools to detect vulnerabilities in code.
3. Penetration Testing: Simulate real-world attacks to uncover hidden weaknesses.
4. Security Awareness Training: Educate developers and other stakeholders about security best practices.
Tools of the Trade:
A plethora of tools empowers ethical hackers and security professionals in their quest for a more secure digital world. Some popular options include:
1. Kali Linux: A distribution packed with security tools for penetration testing.
2. Burp Suite: A web application security testing platform.
3. Metasploit: A framework for developing and executing exploit code.
4. Wireshark: A network traffic analyzer for identifying suspicious activity.
The Future of Security:
As technology evolves, so too must our security practices. DevSecOps, with its embrace of ethical hacking, is at the forefront of this evolution. By building security into the very fabric of software development, we can create a safer, more resilient digital world for everyone.
Remember, in the ongoing battle against cyber threats, ethical hackers are not the enemy; they are our allies, the architects of digital fortresses that stand strong against the shadows. So, let's embrace DevSecOps, sharpen our ethical hacking skills, and build a future where security is not just an afterthought, but a fundamental principle.
I encourage you to explore the world of DevSecOps and ethical hacking. Whether you're a seasoned developer or just starting your journey, there's always more to learn and contribute. Together, we can build a more secure digital future, one line of code and one vulnerability patch at a time.
Do you have any questions about DevSecOps or ethical hacking? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!