Monday morning.

That uneasy feeling on your stomach when you feel upset about Monday morning.

Is there a word to explain this?

PM and UX designer talks.

About a feature on android with viewpager (swipeable views) and a header with buttons.

PM : We need a back button and a close button on the header.
UX : A customer will be confused by both, with the swipe too.

PM : Then we need a close button alone.
UX : Customer will search for back button and not everyone might swipe left.

PM : We need a back button alone.
UX : Customer might not know how to close the view. He can't keep going back back back.

PM : we don't need any buttons.
UX : Customer should find it easy to close or go back.

PM : bruv.

There should be algorithm in DevRant to identify duplicate photos - same memes/photos posted in the last 48hours or less.

To stop seeing the same meme posted by 5 developers on the same day.

Thoughts?

Me : Posts a original developer joke after thinking for 15 long minutes.

Gets 20 ++'s.

Me : Posts random computer science joke stolen from Facebook that everyone would have already seen.

Gets 200++'s.

Fuck this shit.

Developer in anger : I'm gonna leave this team and the manager/team will suffer for my loss and the project will fail.

In the meanwhile,

Manager to the senior manager : If one of the developers die or leaves the team, the project deadline extends by 1 month.

Senior manager : Great.

Today a new person joined the team.

Started bitching about the entire team for not having documentation for our already written code and software.

Asks the manager for a new task that he can take up so that he can write documentation for all our already coded works.

Manager says Go On.

Troubles me with 400 questions every 3 minutes in the name of Knowledge Transfer for writing his documentation.

Sends a proud mail to the team for writing this new documentation that no one else had time to do.
He is a newbie and had no other task to do anyway.

I seriously don't know if I should feel proud of him, for writing new documentation,
Or if he's doing this to defame me.

The team is filled with snakes.

Pro TIP :

If you have a lot of work and SOMEONE from your team is disturbing you every hour,
Move away (alone) to a meeting room, away from your stupid teammates for one day. For High productivity work.

To all newbie developers,

Before you ask a doubt about an issue to someone else,

Try doing an initial investigation to find the root cause,
Look into the logs,
Find the stack trace,
Google things,
Have breakpoints and try to debug.

You come to me with a weird NullPointerException and ask me why,
Without even looking into the logs once? We ain't God bro.

What cloud service does DevRant use?

Aws Or Azure?
And how much do you pay a month for maintenance costs?

What tables to store data? MongoDB, dynamoDB, oracle?
Or S3 streams?

Just wondering.

A developer poem :

A developer is fond of ducks,
Because they don't give fucks :D

Beep beep.
Beep beep.
Beep beep.
Developer in stress.
Beep beep.

DevRant to the rescue

Started with my Rubber Duck collection #love
:D

Gets to the final round and performs really well :

You performed really great, but we don't want developers now :) thank you for participating.

That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.

Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?

Fuck you.

Literally, Fuck You!

One Pro Tip for all developers :

(in my experience - a short story)

Our team chose agile development. We have items to deliver each sprint.

I was the guy who would always slip in my tasks due to issues that would pop up.
It was due to my own faults, I was less careful and failed to concentrate on one single item when I was working.
I started slipping a lot and my manager started questioning me on my performance. I tried a lot of productivity apps and other methods. Nothing seemed to change my life.

One day, An experienced person in the team said to me,
"Start Going to the gym" and it'll change everything.

I enrolled to the nearest gym and started working out every morning. Had sore arms /legs in the first few days. Nothing seemed to change.

After one week, my work patterns changed. I automatically started to work with a lot of concentration. I still don't know how things changed.
After 2 weeks, everything was completely different.

I was able to complete my sprint tasks in the first few days and started contributing to others work. Got a lot of recognition. My work was recognized a lot and my manager appreciated me.

So this is a real life changer folks.

"start hitting the GYM", and it'll change your life.

Please try it out and tell me how your work patterns change.

Looking at my mail box every morning, every single day, To see if i have a mail from DevRant.

Anyone knows where my stickers are?

😢

Good morning Developers

*Voice appears from no where* :
You have to code and complete all the bugs, issues and the frameworks,
By the end of the day.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it?

At the end of the day,

When you realise that this Bug is not that easy,

And go home sad :(

After coding for 3 hours,

Brain : 'Muhahahhahahaha'
(:

I doubt my skills every day.

Whenever i get a new problem to solve, I'm afraid I might not be able to solve it.

But at the end, I do.

Anyone else felt the same?

Real story :

There's this one colleague, who was a very good friend of mine. Always helped me in everything. That one friend in the team, who shares a lot of stuff with you.

And she suddenly, turns offensive when it comes to professional things and mainly competitive stuff in the team.
She becomes a completely different person when I get recognition for something in the team or when I become popular in the team.

She has that feeling that she should always stay in the lime light.
When I steal the show by doing something good, she starts to show faces.
Decided that it is a unhealthy friendship, as the friend i knew is no longer a friend when it comes into professional behavior at work,
And it started reflecting a lot in our personal friendship, outside work too.

Decided to cut the friendship and only be colleagues.

Did the same happen to someone else? Did you lose a friend because of things like this?

True quote :
A full stack developer uses jsonlint more than an IDE.

:(

Wow, whoever made this deserves a cookie :D

https://devbanner.center

When you boast to your dad/mom about the code write,

And they ask you to fix their washing machine.
:'(

Does wearing nerd glasses help you code better?

Project manager talks like,
Its going to change the entire customer experience.

What actually changed :
Changed the icon of the button, that the customer never uses.

:D

Want to see the Most incompetent co-worker?

My mind : See yourself in the mirror :(

Broken teams,
define Agile principles in 2 lines :

Take 2X to your velocity,
and work 80hours a week ;)

Life is like code,
Your loved ones are your IDE,

You can be good with code without an IDE,
but it makes things much more smoother when you have one :D

Life quote :)

Take a break folks,
From work,
From code,
From tension,
From bugs,

Take a car, drive to the country side, breathe the fresh air, ride horses,
Have a meal, stay for a day or two, without internet, and then Be back to work.

This is what we all need now :D