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Variables vs Deadline
Wk1 : int Store_Account_Balance ;
Wk3: int StoreAccountBalance ;
Wk5: int StoreBalance ;
Wk7: int storebalance ;
Wk9: int balance ;
Wk11: int bal ;
Wk 13: int b;2 -
My whole team was a circus:
- Dev 1, the senior: he will be spent his days coding his personal projects and will convince management that everyone else needed to prove themselves so he will have nothing to do and we will do all the work.
- Dev 2, the junior: he was convinced that his mission in life was to be friends with his team. He's desk was far from the rest of the team so he will show just right after lunch EVERY FREAKING DAY with a list on his phone of random things he wanted to talk about like music, artists, art, news, etc., he really thought I didn't notice the list.
- Dev 3: the vegan: you will hear on every chance how she was so awesome for being vegan.
- Dev 4, the expert: if you ask him anything he will stare at you in silence to make you feel like you are a stupid for not knowing the answer and then turn around like nothing.
- Dev 5, the ghost: he will show early every day, code without mouthing a word and leave at 5pm, I think I heard him saying "hmmm" once but I might be wrong.
- Dev 6, the coder by accident: he was a graphic designer and ended up doing front end so he hated his job.
- Dev 7, me: the one who didn't care about anything but doing his job and leave.
- The project manager: she didn't knew anything about technology but will attend meetings with clients on her own, commit to deadlines and then inform us that the project that we estimated for 8 weeks will have to be done in 2 with new additions to the features.
You know the drill, here's your potato :/
5 -
When I quit my previous job, they hired 3 guys to replace me. One of them was a swedish guy that was completely useless. He lived in another part of the country, and our manager and a senior dev flew him in and interviewed him at the airport. That was obviously not sufficient.
I got tasked with helping him get started. The code base seen in retrospect sucked really hard, but he got the simplest tasks at first. One time he needed to add a checkbox to a form, and do something different in the BL when that box was checked. I showed him where in the code he needed to do the change, and let him on his own. 1 hour later he asked again. He hadn't even been able to place the if-statement. Omg.
I told our manager that they really should get rid of this guy, since he isn't qualified to be a developer. They didn't listen.
In Norway we have a 6 month test period where it's easier to let someone go. After that, it's quite hard to fire someone.
After a while I talked to a old colleague of mine, and they had finally been able to get rid of him. That had taken months. When he was told that he had to improve, he went to the doctor and got a sick leave. You can't fire someone on sick leave.. Finally he got the option of resigning himself, or being fired. He chose the first option..
He should have been transferred to sales. If he could sell himself as a developer, he could sell anything to anyone... :D2 -
beginner coder: figures out how to write a feature
average coder: knows a few different ways to write a feature. but not quite sure on which one to use.
master coder: meditates before starting a project. closes his eyes to map out the entire infrastructure of the project.
god coder: gets paid ALOT of money to guide people on the right to do it.2 -
Everyone knows that coworker who just defies anything you say for no reason.
Me: "Ah, nice day today isn't it?"
CW: "Actually, today is historically mediocre compared to the rest of the days that have ever occurred."
Imagine trying to solve real problems with this dude.4 -
Tim. His name is Tim.
He can only work if being micromanaged, bangs on his desk when frustrated or curses when confused (ALL day), and is the source of all my frustration and rants.
I highly dislike Tim.7 -
An old conversation with a former Team Lead (TL)
TL: The client has requested for a feature. Can you provide an effort estimation.
(gives estimation with task breakdown)
TL: 2 weeks? They wants it in 3 days!
Me:
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The most useless developer on my internship program last summer ends up getting a full time offer at Google. #DataStructuresAreTheKeyToLife
8 -
Once my fuckin annoying colleague replaced all console.log to alert in our hybrid app..
And back then my testing logs used to be idiotically profane :|
Needless to say, I faced the fuckin wrath of clients :/
3 -
The guy who kept asking for my help... it's not that I have a problem with that, but his problems could be solved with a very simple Google search.6
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Wk1:, Client wants stack deployed to AWS in a day... Does it in 30 minutes...
Wk2: client complains about cost of service so requests I downsize the stack they asked for... Does so... Just to save some £££ at loss of any DR or HA capability
Wk3: Client wants stack moved to a different AWS account just cos... Advised could cause issues... Client says carry on. Migrates to account as requested on the days they requested.
Wk4: client complains that said migration caused issues and that proper change control wasn't followed..... That was never informed on..
Wk5: issue discovered to actually be network fault linked to clients wanting every £££ saved in AWS... And as the stack specialist I still have to write up a summary and findings?
Wow just get a decent AWS admin will ya....3 -
A few years back I worked at a company as their front-end web developer with one other guy who was their "back-end" developer. PHP and MySQL specifically. He was eventually fired and I took over both development roles. When I got around to seeing his source code and the way he had created the databases, I immediately saw why he was fired. This guy did not understand the concept of loops. Instead of separating out tags and categories with a split / loop, he set up database tables for EVERY. SINGLE. TAG.
i.e. tag_1, tag_2, tag_3, etc. And then to top ot off, instead of looping through the tables, he set up huge conditioks for EVER.LY. SINGLE. TAG.
i.e. if(tag_1) else(tag_2) else(tag_3) etc.
That fucking guy...6 -
Worst guy I ever worked with was a Bulgarian Web dev that had been flown over to work on a few projects to make deadlines run smoother.
He would get offended if I was ever in another meeting without him and send passive aggressive emails then refuse to contribute.
He would storm off if anyone ever criticised his slow work ethic
He went on other team members desktops without permission, under one instance running a command line ddos that the IPS logged straight away and got that person a stern meeting. The Bulgarian guy said he was using it to "learn".
He would take a camera into restricted areas, take pictures and then argue as to why he couldn't do that when security would stop him.
I squashed a bee on his arm out of reflex, he screamed at me that I'm stupid causing a room of over 500 employees to go silent and stare.
Moral of the story, fk that guy6 -
Every time I see this picture here on devRant I think of my annoying ass for a co-worker.
Not only does he refuse to listen to me and whines all the time, but when I show him a solution he copies my work right to the last semicolon. And proclaims himself to be God for "coming up with the solution".
Hubris much?
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I had a manager who scolded me in me in public on a non-IT floor because I used child classes and overloading of methods which "is too hard to read". Instead use "lots of ifs and else's". This is the guy that had a JSP so large (be cause he had so many ifs) that it couldn't be compiled even on a server.
The best karma happened a few months later. I was looking for a new job (wonder why?) and was very deep in the interview process - like round 5- of company A. I got talking to this jackass, who had no idea I was interviewing, said "yeah I applied to company A once. Couldn't get past the first round. Great benefits, though.". Me getting the job a week later was the best thing ever. -
person who didn't know the difference between JavaScript and Java, and yet somehow was a senior engineer.... Bosses Son2
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I can you about one really annoying coworker: Me.
The first thing I did as a sysadmim was to break my colleague's rc helicopter. After that I decided to learn Python, pestering him with questions once every two minutes. I developed, using the word loosely, some scripts that I wrote directly on the production servers, with predictable results.
After a while, I broke less things than I fixed. I learned a lot those years. Today I'm still amazed by the patience and knowledge of this guy; I owe most of my career to him.
These days I have a brilliant job stopping morons such as myself from breaking to many things. I try to be as patient and I hope to be as knowledgeable. -
Let's call my college colleague Andrew.
Andrew knows that we have a really tight deadline to complete 2 different assignments to deliver in the same weekend for evaluation.
Andrew says that we really knows about coding, although we doesn't understand the most basic principles about OOP (like encapsulation, for example).
Whenever I asked for help, Andrew said that is "going to do some research" and that what I'm asking is "really hard". He then asked every single other group if then could provide him, with some code so he could "understand" what I asked him to do.
Once they said "no" he would come and tell me he really tried but hadn't be able to do it, 2 days after needed it, delaying the whole project.
Don't be like Andrew.4 -
One of the worst guys I've worked with was a guy from Romania that got at consulting gig where I used to work. He didn't have an apartment at first, so one of the senior guys let him live at his house to get going. He repaid that favor by drinking all the wine in the house, leaving glasses everywhere. He also sang opera on the front porch early in the morning disturbing all the neighbours.
At work he spent more time outside smoking his strong foreign sigarettes than inside coding. One day he just disappeared, and no one could get a hold of him on the phone or email. Days turned to weeks, and our manager ended up sending him an email saying "I don't know where you went, but don't bother coming back".
The best part of this story is that when we were hiring the next time, he actually applied. You know what he wrote? "I'M BETTER NOW".. 😂😂
(The sad thing is that the code he wrote wasn't half bad, but the guy? Jesus. We just called him Vlad. Don't know his real name to this date)1 -
There was a sales manager who was raked with overseeing me and another dev finish a last minute request project. He said at one point to the other dev that he was mad at developers because we understood something that he would never understand.
This same manager would often sit in on estimation meetings and constantly say that we were estimating too high and needed to come up with faster solutions. When we would offer him with caveats of possible technical debt or unintended side-effects/performance issues, he'd want us to go with that solution. He would then complain that we were always wanting to work on technical debt and that our application was slow. He would also ask for very high level estimates for large, unscoped features/apps without any meaningful level of detail, then hold us to the high-level estimated date even after revealing additional features previously unmentioned.
We learned to never compromise on the right solution and to push back hard on dates without proper scoping. They didn't learn, so I and most of the good devs left. -
Let's call him Butthead.
Butthead loves hearing his own voice, so he speaks like waterfall. You ask him one question, prepare for a one hour discussion. Always in same loud voice no matter if he is in a meeting or just chatting with his side mate.
2 -
First thing, I love my colleague. I know him for 15 years and I'm under 30. But I freaking hate when he picks his nose FOR ALL THE DAY LONG and uses shared mouses and keyboards, leaving them unable to use. I have to clean all that mess and no matter what we say he still do it. :(5
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My 2nd year university project. Everytime I started to work on my module, someone screwed things up on Github somehow and I was the one fixing it. That was the last time I decided to say bye to group projects and offer to do the whole work by myself.
But oh the irony...
2 -
I worked with a developer for months. He was senior to me; on more money than me and had way more experience. I spent at least 25% of my time explaining the most basic stuff to him. Things like 'no, that's not how a cache works', 'no, you shouldnt be doing string concatenation inside a loop', 'no you've completely written the wrong thing because you didn't listen'
When he left, he claimed to have finished off a feature for our application. We dove into it, rewrote it, made it more efficient, the code cleaner, the documentation more succinct and the logic more obvious. When I say we, I mean me and a student, and by me and a student, I mean the student with some very light prodding from me.4 -
ask about his game code logic he will rage, ask about how his front end code doing he will rage, talk to him about my server so that his front end code can follow he will rage.. and the end of final project which I merge my code and his code (I need to refactor nearly everything) he said you are very hard communicate. _. fml2
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My new co-worker is extremely stressing. I have to give small tasks so he won't forget to do anything. I also have to explain what he has to do in detail, give him the full solution, and show him exactly how he has to do it.
And he has no idea how to use git. He makes a feature branch and pushes all his various, half-finished features into it and makes a pull request.
And then I still have to refactor his crappy code everytime cause he uses variables like $data, $accA, $accB, $accZ and forgets to use the definied color variables in sass.
I literally have to do my work and his as well -_-6 -
I currently work with a guy that constantly blurts out, "It's awful quiet over there."
This is intended for me to reply to when I'm in the middle of troubleshooting some code. I put both headphones over my ears, crank up some metal, and continue being quiet. I don't reward stupid behavior with a response.7 -
We all love that colleague that swears he didn't make the method that's making 2 different functionalities not work 5 hours before the deadline even when git blame clearly shows he was the one to make changes.
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That one dude that claimed to know it all but when asked any questions he didn't know shit.
I think we've all seen a dude like this. -
I can't begin to know where to start. I once worked with a lady that was annoyed by me for stretching and began to start nagging at me for it. I promptly explained to her that hearing her complaints annoyed me as well and that I stretched and yawned because my work made me sleepy due to the fact that I had to listen to her relentless and incessant nagging.
I currently work with a "graphic designer" of 25 years experience who had no idea that color picker tools were an actual thing in real life. He's been eyeballing our brand colors for years. SMH... We collectively refer to him as Captain Colorpicker now.
This same guy had never used a credit or debit card in his entire life to purchase a meal at a restaurant.
I worked with a micromanager that constantly reminded me daily of the hierarchy for decision making in the company and where you stood firmly under her thumb. That is until she conveniently wanted shy away from a tough decision. Then it was all on me.
She was the marketing director and every single one of these stupid titles:
http://memeburn.com/2013/05/...
I am in a company as a shareholder with a partner who threatened to take away my shares on several occasions when I don't agree with him. At the time our company was in debt, capital accounts were low, and we were hemorrhaging money to keep afloat. The dumbass tried to offer me $200 per share to "buy me out." The company was $5,000 in the hole and my shares were worth around -$11 each. He never had that much money. -
Suggested we set up more formal coding standards even though he was by far the messiest developer...
Then once we did, proceeded to disable linting in almost every file he touched. 😕 -
The most annoying co-worker(*team*) I have worked with just signed off a custom project that uses plain text passwords, hard coded into a file.. PLAIN TEXT!!! NO HASH!!! NOTHING!!! The same team also told me that working in feature branches cuts into their productivity, but they want CI/CD implemented NOW!3
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When your co-worker, that btw has no idea wtf he's talking about, comes with his opinion that you happen to hate, on a project you have worked on for months.
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The company's director and I:
Him: I think we need to build a hybrid mobile app, because the JavaScript code that renders images is the same on our front- and backends.
Me: Well, we could just send the parameters to the server, let it render it and get a response back.
Him: How?
Me: With an API.
Him: Oh! -
##Design to front-end conversion
Me - Send me the designs so i can start working it
Graphic Designer - Done ( Sends PSD files )
Me - Send me them separately, element by element, with transparency, color codes and flattened designs not PSD's
GD - Done
Me - Opens email to see elements that should be transparent saved as jpg's
Me - Opens PSD's, crop and save elements.
Meanwhile explains next time do this and that so it'll be easier.
Usually this happens few times a month6 -
Most days, I feel pretty good about my skill and contributions, but I still sometimes worry that I might be the cog with the terrible code that all my coworkers rant about.1
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Co-worker that is awesome at copying and pasting and later asks for help cause something doesn't work.3
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Let's call her Silvia.
Silvia debugs her code by whispering it out loud: "so if this variable is two, then..."
Everyone thinks Silvia is great. But she asks for help whenever she runs up against the simplest of problems: "I have never worked with this library/dependency before!"
(Well, that's kind of the nature of open source if you ask me.)
Silvia types with superbly heavy fingers, making sure we can hear every keystroke, especially when she hits return.
I think Silvia overcompensates for something.2 -
That one kid who knows absolutely everything there is to know about computers... As long as they run Windows.2
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This is about both worst boss and most annoying co-worker.
Well, this boss didn't care how much code we wrote, or how good it was (well, at least he didn't care that much); only how much commits we do. And this coworker literally did a script to do a commit every 10 minutes. 24/7. Everyone else was completely mad about it and about a week later we achieved that he was kicked from the job. Since then I still get trauma if someone commits something unimportant.9 -
Oh oh. Dude who use to sit next to me who didn't seem to be able to chew at a normal volume. It was so so so loud. 😷😷
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When I was fresh out of school at my first job, we worked with an external consultant that refused to answer my emails directly since I was only a lite shit kid. Had to send all my emails thru my boss to get a reply.
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A dude who was constantly saying "jokes" he found funny, but no one else did. They were incredibly dumb and sometimes borderlin offensive.
That dude is tied with a girl in my internship who had some kind of superiority complex and no matter what the interns did, she did it better in her time and we were a waste of resources, according to her. Once, me and my friend got late 10 minutes after lunch time, she complained. Next day, she was late by more than 45 minutes after lunch. Fucking hypocrite.3 -
not actually a coworker, but I had to take the place of this guy who made the whole websites layouts in tables. in 20122
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My last job I worked with one other dev, she always thought her code was PERFECT and the way she did things PERFECT, she enjoyed pointing out flaws in my code or web sites in our big marketing meeting with out executives. Yeah won't miss her one bit
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As a new freelancer I didn't have much clients , so I paired with a web designer +10 years exp. who work with me as a pm and that was a bad decision.
Although I am a back-end dev , half of the projects were frontend/WordPress theme (less price than back-end projecrs) - so 30% of the projects were cancelled .
sometimes I receive project's which have requirement, like magento, I don't know anything about ,
I tried to push myself but I burned out after six month.
he deals with clients, partner with other companies ,and I don't know anything about the terms.
at the end I was like an employee without any benefits from his company .
moreover I get my money after 45 day!!!
and not all my money .
this is a project I work for another company through him
A requirement for mobile back-end server was integrating with parse and that was my first time working with Facebook parse so ....
after two weeks ..
we received email from parse that they'll shutdown their service after a year .
so we moved to Amazon sns again my first time working with aws .
at the end I can't charge for extra money but my pm became a gold partner for that company .
the only thing that made me hold is that I need some high quality projects for my c.v.
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he didn't show on hangout because I need my money .
this will be my last project with him.
wow I write too much ... I feel better now .😥1 -
Had a university project with friends, got another guy (#1) in our team. Upon being asked if we would take yet another guy (#2), we were sceptical if he was a good developer... Turned out guy #2 is one of the best of us, guy #1 can't do shit.
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I've come to realize that when I get annoyed, it's usually because my lack of tolerance that is the problem. Annoying co workers is the perfect self improvement tool.1
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Kid I work on high school tech team (mostly hardware repair) who tries to be just like me and has no clue what he's doing and refuses to listen when I explain things to him
He Saw me edit the registry to unblock my developer tools (school laptop) and see he decides to try the same thing
Completely fucked his registry up causing me to have to fix it (with minimum knowledge myself) so our boss doesn't know I edited something I'm technically not supposed to and he restricts developer tools in a way I can't access at all without domain admin credentials -
He was my senior and we were the only developers in our startup company. He doesn't liked flex or sass, so he never allowed me to use them which could make my life easier.
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a Senior co-worker start cron job using cpanel to fetch tweets every minute .
the problem he didn't use/know
'/dev/null'
which send email to the admin for every successful fetch
after a week we discovered this problem , admin inbox full of emails ,also our server get blacklisted (ie. cannot send emails) -
Worked with a front end dev that said "hmmm" to almost everything. She would do it in a way in which she sounded very interested in what you were saying. In one meeting we counted over 100 of them.3
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The guy who claimed he belonged to Mensa, wore socks into the bathroom, and slept at his desk. #mostannoyingcoworker1
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The most annoying coworker I've had is one I still work with! He thinks he's a know-it-all but when ut comes to actually solving a problem, he can't think anywhere close to as innovatively as he portrays himself to be. -_- Oh well, some things you just cant help
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A contractor that came in and changed all our Google tagging after the lead told him not to, he got matched out soon after.
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The manager that believed that sharing code was bad. We had a web and a windows client over the same db. No code shared. He'd rather duplicate the code and maintenance than share it. And the BL should be put in stored procedures, 'cause that's so easy to change in-flight...
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Just wrote an insanely long wk5 rant with my BT-keyboard, turned it off to throw on a smiley or two - and the whole thing disappeared! ARGH.
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yeah we have a guy that actively paints himself into corners. last time was an api he was saying yeah there just this last field to put in, then when you open the code because of the bs reaspn he gives you for not finishing it you realize you have to wreak everithing and start pver cuz there is no ways in hell this would work. and thats just the tip of the iceberg....
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I can't name just the one annoying coworker, because I've never had this one person I really, really couldn't stand being around. But there are plenty of coworkers that have crossed my path over the years with features that have slowly driven me towards madness.
Like the team leader with psychopathic traits and a brown nose stomping downwards and pleasing upwards.
Like the one fellow who set variable values multiple times to really, really be certain it was set.
Like the girl who sat next to me every now and then, and always started humming and singing only when she sat next to me. Always just loud enough for me to hear.
The dickhead coworkers that has been bullying me, excluding me, neglecting me over the years.
The managers who apparently never learned managing nor people skills.
Every jackass that thought it was a good idea to come stand next to me so they could have a nice conversation on the phone without being disturbed. Well, you disturbed me!
The manager who was whistling and singing so loud from his office that I had to get a Bose QuietComfort headset to get him out of my head.
Every fucking one contributing to the dinosaurism haunting the office.1 -
let's call him Richie. Richie doesn't listen in team meetings, does not have any clue of what we are doing and what the important topics are. Richi is hiding between the cars in the parking house to not have to talk to you on the 2min way to the office. Richie is 'done' when he encounters any problems in his work so we have to do it. Yeah, we all love Richie...3
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the worst person I worked with was back in school. he would make no contribution to our work and would have a go at me if I did something wrong and whenever I fixed a bug he would act as if he knew the solution the entire time. it was so frustrating2
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there's that co-worker who asks for help but doesn't accept any suggestions. so, what are we doing?1
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Sat next to a guy, like close enough to smack, but he would have hour long chat sessions with me on gchat going over work and projects. Kept his headphones on.
Another kid, one time I was helping him on HIS project he was given to finish before next day. I was helping so he didn't get stuck working TOO long over. The shit head still left at his normal quiting time and said he was gonna finish it at home. Still wasn't done the next morning when management needed it.1 -
Back when I was at uni, we had this group project based on data security.
At the first sit down meeting we had as a team, this one guy sat down and said "to be honest guys I'd be happy with a pass (40-50%) for this module"...
Well great.2 -
When you explain a project as "a" to this special someone working in your team, you ask them to repeat and they answer "b", then to top it all of they are then going around office telling everyone else "c". So it ends up in spending precious time explaining it for everyone agin... And no it was nothing wrong with the explanation.
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Our latest trainee is my worst "coworker". We have to hand him easier work everytime. Niw he's basically down to being less useful than clever regexps.
Me: change our include directives to inclde their Qt-module name
PR #1 comes back: doesnt compile: reject
PR2: first file I look at has not been touched: reject
PR3: doesnt compile
PR4: looks ok, needs rebase
PR5: doesnt compile
I mean: WTF. Am I really expecting too much? 😞 -
When you answer the same question, from the same guy, for the Nth time about why this thing you developed N months ago works as it was designed, based on his requirements.
And at the end you can't really be mad, because he is super friendly and being sorry for that... again... -
when the coworker is too incompetent to know about git mv and you have to rename a lot of files..
bye bye all version history of all the files -
the one who constantly keeps saying. "I could've done it myself but I don't much time, but it's not that tough, won't take much time." 😠
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In retrospective, I believe everyone else find me one of the most annoying coworkers they ever had.
Sitting all the way back there, all alone, doing that "black magic"-shit that's called the Internet and none of us understand. The Internet is a fad that will pass, just you wait and see. How come he gets paid at all? Why doesn't the managers change his job description so he can do a proper job, like help out in the dinosaur business we're all so dedicated to. And if I try to suggest a new task for him - why does he always answer with question after question? Why do I have to explain? Why can't he just understand what I'm thinking? Screw him! I hate him.1 -
Co-Worker (mechanical engineer): I have an amazing idea that I want to pitch to you!!
Me: Whats the idea?
Co-Worker: Let's make a social media app where you send a drawing to other people and possibly doodle on pics. The drawing or picture can't be saved and it's directly sent to people or a group.
Me: That's SnapChat.
Co-Worker: Oh...well my idea is cooler.
Me: *Rolls eyes* go back to work.3 -
when the backend developer makes the template of the page, but doesn't add all the necessary elements to be styled...
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the co-worker that takes forever to rewrite everything, which results in really complex code. then we need to implement a new feature and it's impossible to make it work with what he's done. so he rewrites everything again...
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A self-proclaimed 'Technical Architect' who didn't understand how Objects behaved in Java. The same guy also decided it was a good idea to check a config file for each environment into git, instead of using dependency injection like we had done everywhere else.
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So let me start by saying I get so much more done when I am not in the office, so I have my top annoying co-workers
-The number one person. This person was a "developer" but I say that loosely and now she is a Agile champion / Scrum something. She is the biggest PITA constantly going around talking about how great Scrum is.
-This other developer, I actually like the guy, but he just walks over all of the time to ask me stuff. He will grab his laptop and just pop it on my desk to ask me stuff.
-I will go ahead an lump a few together, the ones that have "been doing it a long time" but don't understand the architecture of their own systems. <smh> -
One person I work with thinks they know what they're doing but they have no idea, and we all know it and make fun of him behind his back.
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Where even if it's now his work, he does the work. Even modifying your code in your own repository. Worse, committing it in master!
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Asks me for time estimate on a project. I gives time estimate. "That's not exactly what I was asking for. It's more of a {{ MBA_term }}. I'll explain it to you shortly." Never explains it.
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