My cat put a "j" in my code and i spent 2 hours to find it

"hey there is this bug, could you fix it?"
me: sure whats the bug?
*explains the bug*

me:... thats.... thats your feature request from last week

Knock.
Knock.
Knock knock.
Knock knock knock.
Knock knock knock knock knock.

Who's there?

Fibonacci.

Google removed support for an api and made it paid.

Hold_on.jpg, i used this a while ago

Boots up android studio, the api key is there

Tries service with old api key

Works

:^)

1 minute of Thread.sleep() for Tum, the best cat ever. Rest in peace, your memory will live on in my devrant avatar.

Welcome to every website that i make

Was originally hired for 3 months.

Just finished the project 2 weeks ago, after 1.5 years.

I fucking hate data science now.

"Im a wordpress developer"

No you are a human segfault

Dear people of Subway, just because i am using cmd, it doesnt mean i am
"Hacking your wifi network" and asking me to stop is rather unneccessary

after saving up i finally got around to buying my first car 😍

"You are rude."

Well yeah no shit sherlock, took you like what, 2 years to notice?

My linkedin: "please dont contact me about javascript work"

Every recruiter on linkedin: "hold my beer"

Murdering 4 innocent children

Why do i even bother

Here's a funny joke

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says  man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.

Monster is more cost efficient than red bull

So, we got a palindrome sequence today fellas.

;_;

HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT BITCOIN XD

SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ALL KNOW

Scaleway status: fucking owned

I really need a coffee right now

What are your point of view on this?😂😂

Imma go with define

Oh also empty catch blocks

I wish i could upload pics wo caption

Just got an email that i dodnt get a job.

But guys... Your 'selection process' took a month. A literal month. I already got an other job 2 weeks ago.

"Everyone's making multimillon dollar apps, why aren't you?"

*finally upgrades my personal website from a plain html link collection*
*sends it to dev friends' telegram group*
*receives negative reviews for the color palette*

I... I tend to forget that im colorblind

*inhales*

OVER 3 BILLION DEVICES RUN JAVA

Oh no microsoft is gonna buy github!

Just like they bought xamarin and turned it from a buggy piece of shit into something borderline useful?

Just like they funded canonical so ubuntu could become a distro what any person can use as easily as windows because they had money to actually hire people?

Just like they bought mojang and invested billions in an education platform?

Oh boy whatever will we do...

Im drunk, time to code assembly

me, sitting @ college, soldering together a charging cable

someone: oh wow you can do this stuff? i thought you were a computer scientist, not an engineer

me:...
me: yeah i need an engineering degree to wrap duct tape around cables

I use my mouse on 4k dpi and today someone asked me how do i move the cursor without moving the mouse

In a nutshell, i severely underestimated myself, applied to a bunch of places and now they all want to hire me. Oh well.

"Java is slow"

If that is the only reason you can come up with when i ask you why dou you think java is bad, im going to assume youre either a fucking shit programmer or live in the 90s.

>me on stackoverflow
>a nice question
>i provide a 3 line code with explanation
>comment: 'doesnt work, throws exception'
>i run the code and provide a screenshot that it works
>'doesnt work for me'
>19 line code gets accepted

10/10, would answer again

*me using CSS*:

"NO YOU DONT GO THERE YOU GO HERE"

Me: "oh its a new year, time to check out some shiny new languages"
Me: *finds kotlin*
Me:
Me: "what the fuck"

Me after 3 days of trying to figure out c++:

"Fuck it I'm using java"

Finally i had an idea for a personal project.

I sat down, started sketching up the classes i'd use.

3 hours later, im finished.

Now i have no personal prjects running and im bored again.

The future of desktop browsers is right here folks

Me: cool, i organized all my exams to be the most effective, if i study now, i can relax for a few weeks before i have to move.

Interesting side project: hi

"Yeah i use linux because its free and open source and secure!!"

*uses chrome and google*

Yesterday i somehow drunk-coded my entire c++ homework, it runs great and its a guaranteed A but i dont remember how does it work so if they start asking questions theyll think i just had it made by someone

Rants for the next few days:

"Why isnt my favourite language available on a shirt"

Ah, yes, javascript

I love the smell of burning cpu

New years eve plans:

Partying with friends ✖
Getting wasted ✖
Shooting fireworks ✖
Reading godot documentation ✔

Felt adventurous and tried out nodejs.

Yall mind if i throw up real fast?

A small ducky for syntax errors

if you prefer talking over email for some damn reason thEN ANSWER MY FUCKING EMAILS

open telegram

'hey guys i have a cool idea for a project'

"yeah thats a neat idea lets do it"

we get drunk on the first meeting and completely forget about the project

thus my power grows >:)

I had a small heart attack yesterday due to the unhealthy amount of energy drinks i consume so... I guess dont be like me guys

I will never not post the geek shit i buy here

Me: fuck js, stay on the web dammit
Me: *installs node js*
Me: fuck js in general

Please learn the fucking difference between a text editor and an IDE. I dont give a shit aboyt your super duper complex vim package manager supreme deluxe edition ITS STILL A DAMN TEXT EDITOR YOU FUCK.

Throwing rocks at c++ developers

This is the only good meme

You know you should sleep when you do stuff like this :/

@the intern who refactors my code to classes: you are the real MVC

I... I mean MVP

Me visiting home for easter:
Me: tries to find some good assets for adventurejam
Me: fixes a bug on the prodserver
Me: redesigns a gui of an app
Me: applies for a bunch of new jobs

Mom: "you are always computer-ing, do something productive"

i was bored so i mentioned that i know java at a job faire and instantly got a job

*has 4 ongoing projects*

Hm its time to learn javascript

*has 5 ongoing projects*

So there is this thing @ the office that everyone has to bake 50 pancakes once.

Its 2 am, i just got done, i cant cook to save my life.

Guess what.

Its 49.

Oh hey i should go to sleep early and work out in the morning.

Or i could implement those new features for my library ive been thinking about.

Or i could polish up some of my older sites.

....or i could stay up till 3am, reading subtly gay korean comics.

He do a coding

When people say they hate windows but fail to provide any reason when asked

When you are working on a feature and someone else is working on the same thing and you commit at the same time and now you have to resolve conflicts but both versions work

can you put this on the right side when someone scrolls?

*sends a gif of a caterpillar running at 3 fps with sparkles everywhere*

One of these is not like the others

>boss comes into the office
>bright smile on his face
>fear.png
>
>"we are using php for this project"
>
>"no"

I know i wont leave the office in time when i see someone pushing 40 commits to the master branch

I will disregard the fact that our target platform is windows, so sure, newly hired intern, go ahead and use linux if you want, it doesnt really matter.

After that he accomplished 1 day's work in a week because he was googling how to set up linux environments

CHOOSE THE TOOL FOR THE FUCKING JOB YOU DIMWIT

me, browsing the web: oh wow what a cool css framework, bookmarked, ill totally use it for my next project

me, making a project: "free bootstrap templates"

Today i used an empty catch block

if you ever feel bad or useless about your ability as a programmer, just remember that this is the kinda code i write when im tired

me: yo, im kinda low on cash right now, i should save some money and not do any iot projects this month

also me: yo, look at those nfc chips, i got an idea

If i see someone post inspirational quotes, i can be sure that person does absolute jackshit.

My friend introduced me to rick&morty.

My weekend mostly consisted of me getting schwifty®.

Instead of getting work done.

I wanted to look up linus torvalds but didnt remember his name

you might think that windows updates are painful but this piece of shit has been like this for an hour JUST LET ME FUCKING DEPLOY

Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."

Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"

Lets assume my name is Levi Secondname (half of it is correct)

at my last workplace there was a guy with the same name, in the same office, except he was an ios dev, so when i ordered food i always put 'Android Levi' as the name, otherwise it would get mixed up

Experience with angular2 so far

>monster energy drink
>brutal dubstep
>neon green keyboard&mouse
>sick 4k 21:9 monitor
>
>contemplating killing all my coworkers

Im really tired

I have reached the point where my main project with my arduino collection is building a sex robot and i dont even feel the least bit ashamed about it.

Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.

full stack web development in 2017: mvvm model, api for backend, parsing on frontend

me: <?php echo "<div>hello".$name."</div>" ?>

Insomnia: yeah, nice cors header
Postman: neat cors header mate

Fetch in browser: where the FUCK is the cors header you retard

Okay so
Client asks for a bunch of data what can be easily calculated with excel. I think to myself, yeah, ill not fuck around adding numbers 1by1, ill just use excel.

Client wants a program, says he likes having a program do stuff. Mind you, this isnt an universal program at all, it just has to work for this specific input file.

Me: packages the original excel file into a jar and makes it unpackage when run.

Client: is happy

Me: ???

Look, what I just found a perfect paper cup for all of us here. ☕

im not good at coming up with strings

I found a bunch of my old c/++ projects and this one is funny to me for some reason

Seeing this new icon makes me want to go back to 2008 with the shopping bag icon. Those were better days.

Talking to someone for minutes straight and realizing they didnt understand anything youve said

me typing: 40wpm

me: discovers that indian dubstep/goa is a thing

me typing: 150wpm

Imma be real with u chief, one more compilation error and im rewriting gcc

I want an office cat

👌a fresh start

myyy preciousssss

Here, picture of coding buddy

Apt autoremove deemed my desktop gui unnecessary. Guess i'll type then.

Me, whenever i work with something other than java: "Wow, this could be done so much easier with java"

"Server deployment is automated from git, so dont merge things into the master branch without permission"
Oh ok
>i create new branch
>push unfinished code because i gotta hurry
>server breaks
Well golly gee seems like you did a shit job at automating

hey, storing my data doesnt count as spying it seems

fucking hell, piss off

Finally, edge for android is out, bye bye firefox :)

>be me
>automating video stuff
>ffmpeg makes it super easy

Thank you ffmpeg

Dear javascript, if your array is treated like an arraylist THEN CALL IT A FUCKING ARRAYLIST

Sincerely, a java developer

Okay so somebody looked at this code and thought "yeah this is fine, it's going to compile"

Top 100 javascript frameworks that will come out in 2017

January

Finallyyyy no more assignments, i can work on my own...

Oh wait

I gotta write my thesis

Fuck

The problem with sqlite is that now i only want to use sqlite

We were having a conversation with a bunch of friends and somehow i came up with this

Ps, the data is valid

How i love c++

I spent the last 2 days resolving over 2k dependency errors in a jee software what used java1.4 libraries

:) i love this profession

Text your girlfriend "send nodes" and post her reaction

Psa: i dont give a shit if you use php but dont you fucking dare echo your shit out to the dom or i will fucking gut you you degenerate

Ilove wordpress, its small, fast and easily configurable and very enjoyable to work with and maintain.

I also like pineapple on my pizza, stubbing my toe and getting ran over by a truck.

Its been a few hours, and i was busy with meetings but

THANK Y'ALL FOR 10K ++

I remember wk20something, when i joined devrant. I was just starting a job as a data analyst, and the wk at that time spoke to me on a personal level, so i wrote a quick rant and didnt give it much thought. The next day i opened devrant and had like 100++s and a bunch of comments. Since then ive met a lot of awesome people here and im happy i clicked the install button back then. Thanks cfox and brogus for the opportunity, love ya.

Already got a longboard as a 10k-day gift :^)

Best: built an app that helps me with my colorblindness, also i contributed to a game engine ive been using a lot

Worst: had to use c++ for a project

Touch my screen, i dare you

I mean go ahead, its a touchscreen, cool, huh?

I was talking with a guy who is making an android app for his thesis but hes "shitdamn awful in java". I offered to help because im so fucking nice.

"oh but i dont have facebook, is it a problem?"

Nah sure i dont use facebook anyways, got telegram?

"No"

Riot? Irc?

"Nope"

Then what do you use???

"Skype"

?!!?!??!??!!???!??!

Yes, family member, i surely CAN fix your thermostat

Confession: i hate inline ifs and i cant even spot them in the code.

Spent today building a 3d printer, and i have a feeling that tomorrow its gonna be configuring undocumented open source code for it to work, but this delta style looks really cool

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "okay but only if you tell me a meta joke". So the man says a man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer. The bartender gives him a beer.

Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".

And it is easy.

But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.

Yes please migrate to a new framework in the middle of a project mmh yes punish me more.

As we all know, coding stands for

Carlos!
Oy!
Deleting
Internal
Network?
Great.

Well im slowly getting there, but i still dont understand why does my wife want me to make her cam...

So there is this programming competition i regularly enter. I dont give a shit about the competition part, its just fun to make something in a limited time. This year, i was kinda hyped that i threw together a modern stack, with Java Spark and VueJS, that would be really cool to use.

Today we got the requirements.

Php and jquery.

Well fuck me for living in 2017 apparently.

I just spent 2 hours training a ml5 model with over 200mb of mumble rap lyrics, AMA.

Hey im a fullstack DEVELOPER, not a fullstack DESIGNER, so dont fucking ask a colorblind person to 'just throw a simple design together, it shouldnt take more than 10 minutes'

Patience

boss: i know its sunday but we really need to show something tomorrow
me:

I hope its supposed to be satire

hey buddy mate pal friend bro nacho

IF YOU FINISH A TASK NOT ASSIGNED TO YOU THEN FUCKING ASSIGN IT TO YOURSELF SO WE DONT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO DO WHAT YOUVE ALREADY DONE

This week has been hell, nothing i attempted worked out, so i guess ill just go and write some depression code :/

me: teaching java

student: class Something extends Object

me: ...

me: ......

I typed like 200 lines of c++ code and it ran on first try but i still dont like c++, no

Drawing a comic seems really soothing when i cant fix a bug

Dear xiaomi, you mean to tell me that you consider 750$ cheap?

I really wish i was a good designer. Id love to put together attractive frontends with cool and unique ideas.

I also wish i wasnt colorblind.

"best [distro/ide/laptop/buttplug] for web development?"

So you are.... You are basically asking whats the best for editing text files?

Friend: 'im really anxious, i need a job this summer and i dont know if i can find one with my stack'
Me:'why, whats your stack?'
Friend:'php, mysql, javascript'
Me:'...DUDE'

a haiku about xaml:

oh my fuck, please work
fuck two way data binding
fucking microsoft

i am so going to embed this into something

If i wanted to spend weeks analyzing systems instead of writing them, id have gotten my diploma for fucks sake.

Xamarin.forms. True multiplatform* by Microsoft.

*you just have to make sure not to use any of the platform specific features, or write 3 completely different codes

Me, 2 months ago: "This stack is such an overhead and unneccesarily complicated. The app could be made in like a week with jsp and jquery."
Other guy, 2 months ago: "No, we use Spring and angular2, and these 7 test/automation tools"

Other guy now: "We are nowhere, we havent even completed sprint1"
Me:

hey helo i doNT GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU CANT READ MY DOCUMENTATION AND SPAM ME WITH QUESTIONS THAT HAVE THE ANSWER WRITTEN IN THE SPECIFICATION YOU WROTE IM PLAYING FUCKING LEAGUE YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT

There are two kinds of people:

1) Those who can extrapolate incomplete data

Merry chrimbus to the least toxic community im part of, i fucking hate you all guys 💚

Haters: "Kotlin is going to replace java"

Market: "nah"

:^)

When i was 12 or so, my mom bought me the java for dummies book. Don't get me wrong, thats not where i learned from, it just motivated me to find actually useful resources to do so.

okay i gotta admit kotlin is moderately fun

Happy star w-
SHUT THE FUCK UP
...okay

"I won't use javascript for this webapp where we don't use anything server-side, because I've been using php for everything"

Yeah fuck you

Everytime i see someone listing a shitload of languages, i safely assume that they speak around 2-3 of them fluently. I did some c++ and can write a site in php but they are nowhere near my java knowledge, so i only list them as something i played around with. There is just no way you are fluent in c++, java and javascript because they take half a lifetime to master individually

Even thinking about using javascript

Few days ago i niticed one of my (site) accounts was deleted for inactivity. I thought fuck it, ion use that site, lets have fun. I wrote an email to get it restored:

"Sorry i got ass cancer and it took dr lil pump 2 years to cure me and couldnt use the site from the hospital"

Today, i got an email that i got my account back.

Bind learning c++ chapter 3

Fuck whoever says that java is easier than c++. If i populate memory i can just fucking clean it out. I have access to the literal fucking stack my code runs on. I can integrate assembly. I can fucking make my program run in -3 seconds for fucks sake, this is so much easier than java where i have to fuck around with scopes to nudge the gc to start cleaning up and i need a separate engine to access jasm code.

Until you have written ethereum vm hex code by hand, dont talk to me about hard tasks

Sent a cv to a company because facebook threw their ad at my face and i said why not. They emailed me that they would call me today. I dont have a phone. Its not fucking 2007. Call me on matrix or telegram or even skype ffs.

The project is complete, i am free :') Time to look for a new job, maybe try myself at big data

*reverts a layout file to the one in git*

*gradle fails, no components found, electricity goes off, office catches fire, the world ends*

Okay christmas is cool but im waiting for january when all hardware will be on sale

The last reason for keeping windows on my laptop ceased to exist so now im watching as linux is installing :')

I just got a bugreport for an ages old release of a software which was assumed finished. Problem is, i couldnt find the source anywhere.

"hey, could you send me the file so i can check the bug?"
*sends jar file*
"yay im saved"

thanks java, for being easily disassembled 👌😍

Been using the mouse today and now my wrist hurts :/

Wanted to do a 1 hour coding challenge. Thought "hey why not use js this time". 3 hours later, my blood pressure is skyrocketing and i am really bothered by js threading.

I was tricky this time and sent a separate email for the client and my boss about the new release.

Client response: "Its very good, runs flawlessly, could you check x if you have the time? It gives errors simetimes"

Boss response: "[...] urgent fix get working on it right now [...]"

Seems like my boss has been the fucking piece of shit all this time :)

Bind's unpopular opinions, chapter #fuckyou:

Linux for server, windows for desktop.

Tune in for the next episode where we fight off angery linux fanboys

Heads up: if you process a big database and want to do some advanced calculations, do not, i repeat, do not attempt to do so on your pentium home pc.

im pickle bojack

here to say

fuck heroku's java deployment

[wk200]
Ordered a set of copic markers, they should be here tomorrow. At least this quarantine crap gives me time to draw again after 5 years.

We are tasked with creating a site for a tv channel with livestream and stuff. Nobody has relevant experience so we have to research what's on other channels' sites. So far the industry standard seems to be broken bootstrap, inconsistent style and 2008 design.

This is stupid but i think is my best idea yet.

So i have an old orange pi, with only 256m memory. Its running a few tasks i need but i wanted to use it for controlling a few things from my phone (lights and powering on my pc) so i thought i would make a server for that. Now mind you, my shirt doesnt say "lightweight backend language", so there was no way the pi couldve handled a struts server. I was digging around and found that php has a shell_exec command. Then it clicked, and i wrote the whole system like
shell_exec("java -jar someprocess.jar"). Now this sounds really stupid but it works and php is really light so it doesnt even slow it down that much.

Thinking about making this into some kinda server/framework/something just for fun.

Bad: i got told that i need to stop playing overwatch @ work
Good: so they gave me a bunch of udemy courses

I should be studying but i started working on my last idea (read the rant), will probs post it as a collab once i got something that actually works

I thought 'atoi' was just some acronym wtf who thought it would be a good idea to name a parse function 'atoi'?

[corona wk]
Not at all, but i bought an electric scooter so i dont have to take public transport.

Also instead of "bless you" we now say "corona".

I love how college exams are just 200 pages of raw data you have to memorize without any logic.

Throwback to that one time i was working from home

"Wtf windows is terrible you dont have a useful terminal"

Me: *installs cygwin*

Drugs, caffeine abuse and the thought of money.

I spend so much fucking money on electronics, its getting out of hand at this point.

League of legends but a fun version

Just realized, that after a few months of running my crypto trading algo, i have around 0.1 bitcoin. Started by mining monero in like february, and just traded back and forth afterwards.

I could mention so many libraries and frameworks but im gonna go with arduino.

just got a linkedin msg

"Hello, im from a headhunter company, looking for..."

THEY ARENT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE

Guys, bitcoin is around $1k, its really worth selling now

It doesnt matter that i turned auto-update off, if devrant gets a new version i WILL hear about it. We all will hear about it.

Dear rust,

I swear im not going to modify that string, i fucking swear on my life pinky promise, just plEASE LET ME USE IT WITHOUT HAVING TO CLONE.

Sincerely, a functional programmer

Imma be real with youse, i havent been posting shit cause i have a great job with great teammates and great management. Like it a rant that i cant rant but thats a good thig i guess. But ion wanna see devrant community goin down the gutter cause old members r leavin so imma stick around and post stupid shit in the comments as usual. So youse can stop bothering me bout bein inactive hmmm

The absolute state of open source (this is a facebook repo)

Moving to a new office this week. The only chinese restaurant nearby is one of those where you get 5 times the amount of rice compared to the meat. Fuck.

Can anyone tell me why is it good to use some crap language that transpiles to javascript? Yes i hate js too but 90% of my time using reason/ts/elm is just

>ddg how to do x in y
>no answer
>Js.unsafe.eval "js code"

Like???? None of them is a 100% complete wrapper???

I got an interview on monday but i completely forgot i even applied. They said its java AND c#, so i can guarantee a 50% score i guess.

Can someone explain what the fuck is a namespace while we r at it?

Damn, i love java so fucking much. Its like it thinks the same way i do.

Aint a rant, but pulsar player has the best fucking implementation of the material design ive ever seen, everything is perfectly flat and still alive aaah

It seems like i am the only one who doesnt use jetbrains products