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When your boss asks you to debug some crappy legacy code and you need to bring in the heavy artillery
7 -
I made a wordpress plugin
(don't ask, it's practice for an internship)
The plugin turns every element that does not have a child into an image of a rubber ducky at a speed of 6 rubber ducks a minute.
13 -
*How do devRanters take a bath*
same as everyone!
you got your soap...
shampoo...
rubber ducky with cape...6 -
Guy I work with: Hey can I borrow you for a minute
Me: sure. What do you need?
Him: so this is a project me an the other dev worked on
Me thinking: Well I know he did it all and sent you the project so don't tell me you worked on it
Him: so we use it to do this and this and send an email to this new account I made because (2 minute explanation)
Me thinking: I don't care. Just tell me what your issue is! I already know what it is and does from what you told me the last time when you showed me. Which took an hour of my time.
Him: so he sent me this code which is called <Descriptive name> and in the method we have variables call <descriptive name> and it returns a <variable name>
Me thinking: You mother fucker! I don't give a shit what your method is named, what it the variable names are, and you don't need to read through every line of code to me! Just from the descriptive name you just said I know what it does! What the fuck is your issue!?
Him: we also have these other methods. This one is called <Descriptive name> which does...
Me: are you fucking seriously going to read me your code line by line and tell me what you named your variables AGAIN!?
Him: and we named this one <descriptive name>
Me: you mother fucker...
Him: and it calls this stored procedure. (Literally opens the stored procedure and shows me) and it is called...which has parameters called... And it is a select query that inserts
45 minutes later after he finishes explaining all 3 pages of his code and his 5 stored procedures that the other dev wrote...
Him: So anyway, back to this method. I need to know where to put this method. The other dev said to put it in this file, but where do you think I should put it in here? Should I place it after this last one or before it?
Me thinking: You fucking wasted my fucking time just to ask where to place your mother fucking method that the other dev sent to you in a project with only 3 files, all less than 500 lines of code with comments and regions that actually tell you what you should put there and 5 small stored procedures that were not even relevant to your issue! Why the fuck did you need to treat me as a rubber ducky which would fly away if you did have one because you didn't have an issue, you just didn't know where to put your fucking code! FUCK YOUR METHOD!
Me: Where ever you want
Him: Well I think it won't work if I placed it before this method.
I walked away after that. What a waste of time and an insult to my skills and really unchallenging. He's been coding for years and still can't understand anything code related. I'm tired if helping him. Every time he needs something he always has to read through and explain his shit just to ask me things like this. One time he asked me what to name his variable and another his project. More recently he asked why he couldn't get his project he found online to work. The error clearly stated he needed to use c# 7. His initial solution was to change his sql connection string. 😑
He should just go back to setting up computers and fixing printers. At least then he would never be in the office to bug me or the other dev with things like this.7 -
My gf got me my first "rubber ducky". He is a bit sarcastic and rough on my code but I mean... He's Deadpool!!
5 -
The most famous ranter in devRant (maybe) rants now due to cleaning.
LG Ultrawide 29" monitor
Logitech bluetooth keyboard K380
Logitech wireless mouse B175
Rubber ducky
LG UltraPC laptop (not in pic)
- Intel core i5 7th gen
- 8gb ram
- 256gb ssd + external 1tb hdd
- NVIDIA GeForce 940MX
12 -
My parents r pretty helpful with me programming. They r very supportive 😊😊
I even tell my mom how things work and she takes a lot of interest in understanding as well! She is my own rubber ducky ❤️❤️
My dad is busy and not a tech minded person so he is kinda ignorant about tech, but never stops encouraging me 😊😊
Go my mom and dad!! Yaaay 😍😍2 -
Somewhere in a lonely break room
There's a guy starting to realize that eternal hell has been unleashed unto him.
It's two a.m.
It's two a.m.
The boss has gone
I'm sitting here waitin'
This desktop's slow
I am getting tired of fixin' all my coworkers' problems
Yeah there's a bug on the loose
Errors in the code
This is unreadable
Rubber ducky can't help
I cannot debug, my whole life spins into a frenzy
Help I'm slippin' into the programming zone
Git push to the prod
Set up a repo
My hard drive just crashed
All my code is gone
Where am I to go
Now that I've broke my distro
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
I'm falling down a spiral
Solution unkown
Disgusting legacy, ugly code
Can't get no connection
Can't get through to commit
Well the night weights heavy
On my confused mind
Where's the error on this line
When the CEO comes
He knows damn well
To keep his distance
And he says
Help I'm slippin' into the programming zone
Git push to the prod
Set up a repo
My hard drive just crashed
All my code is gone
Where am I to go
Now that I've broke my distro
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
Soon you will come to know
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow
When you need Stack Overflow, a ha
When you need Stack Overflow4 -
Top advice to give to a new dev? Go back in time and download devRant, then buy a rubber ducky. Yes, I finally got mine 👍🏻
3 -
Instead of investing in a rubber ducky for explaining my coding bugs I decided to have Alan Turing be my listener. At least he'll be more understanding than a pretentious biased rubber duck!
2 -
Matryoshkas are better companions than Ducks, and here's why:
-Made with wood. The material of Men! No industrialized rubber to spread Capitalist propaganda
-Multi-layer. Explain your code with different levels of complexity. Babushka Matryoshka is keen on C!
-Never feel alone. Maybe you want some intimate one on one, maybe you want a whole party of helpers, all thanks to pocket dimensions (included with the Matryoshkas).
So what's your excuse for not having a Matryoshka Comrade cyka!
9 -
An infinite number of Rubber Duckys typing randomly on an infinite number of keyboards will eventually create half life 3.
Also, a single Rubber Ducky typing randomly on a single keyboard, left alone and unobserved has both created half life 3 and not created half life 3 at the same time.1 -
I kept getting the same AttributeError like 15 times in a row and picked up my graduation rubber ducky and screamed "I DONT FUCKING KNOW"1
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I built a chrome extension that brings a digital rubber duck to your browser for debugging, companionship and laughs - the perfect companion for a dev. :)
The logo was inspired from Devrant's ducks too, and the project is open source.
You'll find the GitHub repo here - https://github.com/rameshaditya/...
Do give it a star if you like it, that would make my day! :)3 -
Just got those 1k ++ and finally placed the rubber ducky on my desk.
Feels like I have achieved something great in life 😎
7 -
I was asked to check something today that was handed over on a USB stick. "Could you check that the file structure is correct". Of course I said. Then I prepared my camera, changed the insides of the stick to my rubber ducky, wrote a little script and uploaded it. Oh yea and corrected the structure.
The face of the colleague was priceless when I brought back the stick and he sticked it right into his computer.
The script was roughly:
- open browser
- open history
- search "porn"
- select second row
- enter
=D office pranks <32 -
It really sucks being the senior guy sometimes because it means there's nobody above you that you can bounce questions off of. No mentor. Just random people on the internet (and stack overflow, eww.)
The rubber ducky on my monitor can only go so far.
It's a constant worry of "am I writing garbage?" and "is there a better way to do this?"
I'd kill for a QA group that I could actually send some of my stuff to and get feedback.2 -
!rant
"if you wrote good Code, you dont have to debug it. But if its Bad Code, you will spend 90% of your Time Talking to a Rubber Ducky"
-Me right now
(Or someone other but probably me)1 -
Started a new game dev job. Fortunately, they already have a Rubber Ducky chilling at the desk. Only thing, it's less of a duck and more of an evil imperial guard with a lust for bloodshed. I hope he likes C++.
1 -
Just convinced my manager to get us a 3D printer so we can print out rubber duckies.
Now the hard part comes in.
Where do i find a similar model for the devRant rubber ducky.
I like the rubber duckies they used to have in the store.12 -
My rubber ducky is a terrifying alien species from the exoplanet TRAPPIST-1B, but also a swear jar.
3 -
Don't know if i'm alone or not.. so i'm gonna leak my secret that my rubber ducky is actually a slack channel i made in my company's slack
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Weekly Rant-
My best office prank by far was at my high school. First, I bought a USB rubber ducky and programmed it to backdoor my friends school computer with netcat and a batch file that ran in the background so that I could connect to his computer any time inconspicuously. The next day, I injected his computer with the drive when he went to turn in some papers.
You should've seen the look on his face when his computer started having conversations with the teacher. -
Just showing off the devRant stressball...
I don't have an actual rubber-ducky, but I have a whole gaggle of rubber-ducky-stand-ins who help me debug.
Most of them happen to be skulls. (I have quite a few more scattered around the office). I guess it's an aesthetic... #skullsthetic?
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My worst fight with a dev was definitely that time I tried to break the mould and build this incredibly tedious VB app to automate data handling through Excel, PowerPoint and Outlook. The other dev always said "you can do this" and "come on, it's not rocket science" and I was always like "yeah, dude, sure, but can you help me with this bit here, please, I'm so stuck on it?" He'd be all like "ofc bro, I got your back", but when it came to the actual work that needed to be done, he was all silent. Needless to say, now I have a rubber ducky to help me with my dev needs, as talking to myself felt like a nightmare. Guess that's what other people feel like when I strike up a conversation with them, too.
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My version of a rubber ducky
Used to be a minion painted on it, but it's long gone. So I use a whiteboard marker to draw stupid faces on it.
1 -
I use this little guy as a rubber ducky now. He's useful when I'm trying to study stuff which is particularly hard to remember.
5 -
I just woke up from a lucid dream.
I could really control the situation, but it was fun telling my mate how IT stuff works LOL.
It's 3.22 am for me rn.
I fucking told my classmate how the proxy server at our school works. How the packets are being sent and received, how they get cached at the proxy server and through how many nodes they approximately get.
PS: I don't have a rubber ducky or whatever you call it to tell the problems of the program to it.7 -
!rant
What does everyone keep on their desk? I have a rubber ducky for debugging, Google glasses for days I want to threaten to leave, and a few poker chips to play with when I need to think.1 -
I ordered a USB Rubber Ducky!! I'm not going to do anything malicious with it, I just want to experiment with it and see what it can do for me!
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Since rubber ducks are everywhere, let me play with the algo and see if this post will be in everyone's feed. 🐤
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