Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "should have been a monday"
TL;DR: The bitch ruined my Friday.
I was in a really happy mood when I arrived at office in the morning today, because Friday.
I was assigned a stupid production error to test. Being a proactive person, I completed the task only to get more on my plate.
Why? Because fuck me that's why!!! All of my main task was aside throughout the day which has been pending since ages. The loser I work for, never allocates time for my main task and end of the day, yells at me that my task is pending.
Fuck the cock sucker because he is sucks at work delegation.
So, when the next stupid task was allocated, after analysing the entire scene, I realised this is something which I have never worked on and have absolutely no clue about. Rather this should be assigned to that team member who has already worked on it, because they'll be able to complete it efficiently.
But this bitch, forced me to do the task and the said team member roamed around having gala time. This pissed the shit out of me.
Anyway, I tried to take up the challenge and asked for some help from the said bitch, who denied completely, asking me to refer the documentation which was written like shit of a rat.
I somehow managed to make my way through it but ended up failing countless time.
I seek the bitch again for some help. This time I made it clear that I am unable to complete the task and I am finding it difficult without any help.
The dick sucker guides me half way, asks hundreds of demoralising questions, making me question my self esteem and confidence.
I keep my calm but that asshole keeps demeaning my actions and now I loose shit.
I start behaving rudely and back answering slowly. The dumb bitch doesn't get the hint (we talk over chat as she is in another location).
I told myself to stop working until she helps me and called the day off. She never cared to revert and now the task is pending which will be discussed again on Monday.
She refused to listen at any cost. And that's where I realised that Narcissistic Dogmatic Hypocrites are worst people to work for.
Just wish me luck that I don't break her jaw and finish the task without creating a scene.
Such people should be fucked by a wild boar in their ass and be made to suck a donkey's dick.
Ruined my Friday.26
I'm all fucked up DevRant. I got some massive issues.
I have this idea I'm really proud of that I think can actually do something good for the world. (It is not another JS framework) But I have no time to do it. And when I do it, everything goes fucking haywire.
I take a photoshop class, and if you've ever taken a class where pretty much you just follow either a video or text tutorial word for word, congrats, you feel my boredom. While everyone seems to be struggling I fly right through and get everything done in a snap. So, once I've finished all the work she's given me for the week on, like, Monday, I sit down and take a crack at the code. I always have ideas twirling in my head on how to make it better, so I'll try and get it down.
I'm sure everyone on DevRant has heard that one, but the teacher's voice just makes it worse. She actually threatened to get me suspended because I am "writing code which is a form of hacking". Yes, you read that right, and yes, it makes no sense.
Then I have Spanish. We had a project in the library and we had 3 days to finish it. I finished it in 15 minutes, and started to code. Teacher walks over, "you better not be hacking", and then walks away.
Twenty minutes later he comes back and plays twenty questions with my program. He's a nice dude and all, but really I just wanna get it done. He then gives me this speech on how I should sell it to make some money, in which I told him it was open-source and BSD'd (yes I had to explain both concepts to him.) He r e a l l y tried to talk me out of open-sourcing it and I just got irked, but was polite as I could. Then he gives me a speech on how my program could change the world. I was like "hey, maybe someone is realizing my program!"
Then he asked me to make a website for him.
For a grade.
He then went out and told people about my "insane skills", in which people started thinking of me as hackers and asking me to hack shit, and I'm losing my mind. The teacher has been pestering me about this and I haven't been able to work on it because I'm swamped in homework. But when I'm not swamped, I'm stuck in my room. My parent's are like anti-technology people and are really pissed I became a programmer over a priest or a soldier, so they won't let me code at home, which means I have to code at school, which means I have to deal with the two above scenarios daily.
I'm almost out of the house, but not yet.
TL;DR: One teacher thinks I'm a hacker, another wants me to make a website for them, my parents hate programming, and I can never get shit done.22
My dad has an acquaintance - let's call him Tom. Tom is an gynecologist, one of the best in Poznań, where I live. He's a great guy but absolutely can not into tech of any kind besides his iPhone and basic PC usage. For about a year now I've been doing small jobs for him - build a new PC for his office, fix printer, fix wifi, etc. He has made a big mistake few years ago by trusting a guy, let's call him Shitface, with crating him software for work. It's supposed to be pretty simple piece of code in which you can create and modify patient file, create prescription from drugs database and such things. This program is probably one of the worst pierces of code I've ever seen and Shitface should burn for that. Worse, this guy is pretentious asshole lacking even basic IT knowledge. His code is garbage and it's taking him few months to make small changes like text wrapping. But wait, there's more. Everything is hardcoded so every PC using this software must have installed user controls for which he doesn't have license and static IP address on network card.
Tom asked me to build him a new PC that will be acting like a server for Shitface's program. He needs it in Kalisz (around 150 km from my place). I Agred (pun intended) and after Tom brought me his old computer I've bought parts and built a new one. I have also copied everything of value and everything took me around three hours.
Everything was ready but Shitface's program. I didn't know much about it's configuration so when I've noticed that it's not working even on the old PC I got a bit worried. Nevertheless I started breaking everything I know about it and after next three hours I've got it somewhat working. Seeing that there's still some problems with database connection (from Windows' Event Viewer) I wrote quick SMS to Shitface asking what can be wrong. He replied that he won't be able to help me any way until Monday (day after deadline). I got pissed and very courteously asked him for source code because some of libraries used in this project has license that requires either purchase of commercial license or making code open source. He replied within few minutes that he'll be able to connect remotely within next 10 minutes. He was trying to make it work for the next hour but he succeeded. It was night before deadline so I wrapped everything up and went to bed thinking that it won't take me more than an hour to get this new PC up and running in the office. Boy was I wrong.
Also, curious about his code, I've checked source and he is using beautiful ponglish (mixed Polish and English) with mistakes he couldn't even bother to fix. For people from Poland, here's an example:
So I drove to Kalisz and started working on making everything work. Almost everything was ready so after half an hour I was done. But I wanted to check twice if it's all good because driving so far second time would be a pain. So I started up Shitface's program, logged in, tried to open ANYTHING and... KABUM. UNHANDLED EXCEPTION. WTF. I checked trace and for fuck sake something was missing. Keep in mind that then I didn't know he's using some third party control for Windows Forms that needs to be installed on client PC. After next fifteen minutes of googling I've found a solution. I just had to install this third party software and everything will work. But... It had to be exactly this version and it was old. Very old. So old that producent already removed all traces of its existence from their web page and I couldn't find it anywhere. I tried installing never version and copying files from old PC but it didn't work. After few hours of searching for a solution I called Mr Shitface asking him for this control installation file. He told me that he has it but will be able to send it my way in the evening. Resigned I asked for this new PC to be left turned on and drove home. When he sent me necessary files I remotely installed them and everything started working correctly.
So, to sum it up. Searching for parts and building new PC, installing OS and all necessary software, updating everything and configuring it for Tom taste took me around what, 1/3 of time I spent on installing Mr Shitface's stupid program which Tom is not even happy with. Gotta say it was one of worst experiences I had in recent months. Hope I won't have to see this shit again.
Fortunately everything seems to work correctly. Tom hasn't called me yet with any problems. Mission accomplished. I wanna kill very specific someone. With. A. Spoon.2
I was out Thursday at the Hospital. I'm what the doctors would call "Ill as fuck"
So, Friday I’m back in the office to the usual: "How was that appointment?"
I know people mean well when they ask this. So, I do the polite thing and tell them it went as well as it could.
Realistically it does't matter how well it went... They haven't cured Crohn's because I showed up to the appointment. They know I'm fucked already.
But, push it down, add it to the future aneurism.
I had to go through the usual resignation meetings with managers:
"We"re fucked now you're going"
"we need to get a handle on how fucked"
"already done that for you, here"s a trello board, very fucked."
"we need to put a plan together to drop all the junior devs in the shit with the work you’ve been doing"
"You need about 4 devs, please refer to the previous trello board for your plan"
Meanwhile, me and Morpheus are in constant communication because all of this is like a Shakespearean comedy.
So, I overhear a conversation between a Junior Dev and the Solution Architect.
[SA] took over the project because he knows better than two tried and tested senior devs -_- (fuckwit).
JD: "It took me one and a half days to build it out"
SA: "Yeah, it must have taken me twice as long... It must be a problem with the project, you should just be able to check it out and run it."
JD: "I know, it has to be wrong"
All of this is about Morpheus' work of art, of an Ionic 3 hybrid app.
I fumed quietly at my desk because I've been ordered by the Stazi to be hands off.
Since Morpheus and me were pulled from the project [JD] and [JD2] were dropped into it to get it over the line.
It"s unfortunate and I was clear and honest with my advice to them: I personally would not take over the project because I"d be way out of my depth... Oh, and the App works, so uh, there's no work to do.
They have been constantly at our desks. Asking fuckdiculous questions about how to perform basic tasks. So they can get Morpheus" frigging masterpiece to the user.
It"s like watching that touch up of jesus that got borked by an amateur. Shit I have google, it's like watching this happen: http://ti.me/NnNSAb
[JD] came to me Friday evening.
"I can’t get this to build to iOS or install on [Test Analyst]'s phone."
Me: "No worries brother, where are you stuck right now?"
[JD] describes the first steps with clear indication he hasn't googled his problem.
Life lesson: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=lmgtfy
Que an hour of me showing [JD] how to build an Ion3 project for iOS. Fuck it, your man's in a bind and he"s asked politely for help. I can show him quicker than he can read 3 sets of docos.
I took him through 'ionic cordova build ios', the archive and release processes in XCode 9, then the apk bundling process for droid. Finally we have an MAM so the upload process for that too.
All the while cleaning up his AppIDs, Profiles, deployment attempts.
Damn they were a mess.
I did this with a smile on my face, not because I could say "I told you so"... But. because when any developer asks you how to do something. If you know how to do it, you should always be happy to learn them some new tricks!
Dude's alright, he's been dropped in the shit. Now I know how badly so I'll help him learn things that are useful to his role, but aren't project specific.
As a plausi-senior dev (I'll tell you about that later); it's my job to make sure my team have what they need to go home smiling!
I’m not a hateful fucker, the guy asked me an honest question so I am happy to give him the honest answer.
I took him through it a few times and explained a few best practices. Most were how to do his AppID and ProvProfile set up. Good lad, took it all on board.
However! In his frustration, he pointed the finger at Morpheus' "David" (ref: Michelangelo).
He miraculously morphed into a shiny colourful parrot and fed me SA's line:
"you should just be able to build from a clean clone"
My response was calm and clear:
"You can, it took me 20 minutes on Thursday evening. I was bored and curios, so I wanted to validate Morpheus' work. Here it is on my iOS device and my Android device. It would have taken me 5 if my laptop wasn’t so horrifically out of date."
I validated Morpheus' work so I have evidence, I trust that brilliant bastard.
I just need to be able to prove it's good.
[JD] took this on board.
Maybe listening to two tried and trusted senior devs is better than listening to a headstrong Solution Architect.
When JD left for the weekend I was working a late one (https://www.devrant.io/rants/874765).
His sign off was beautiful.
"I think I can happily admit defeat on this one, it can wait until Monday."
To which I replied: "no worries brother, if you need a hand give me a shout."
Rule 1: Don't be a cunt.
Rule 2: If someone needs help and you can give it: Give it!
Rule 3: Don't interrupt James' cigarette time.
Rule 4: goto Rule 3.4
I've accomplished something I thought I'd never do.
I convinced my boss to switch from SVN to Git. (before SVN we've even been using CVS if someone remembers)
Only requirement: it needs to stay in house and I'm the one setting up the server, writing documentation and teach everyone how to use it.
What? Why should I setup the server? Don't we have someone whose job it is to... OK ok... I'll do it.
So after some painstaking arguments with the guy whose job it should have been to do that, I've managed to install a virtual machine running Gitlab.
Long story short: I've just found out about the joys of mail configuration to send E-Mails to established mail providers. Every... single... one of them has a different problem with the way the mails are sent.
I think I'm going to ask that guy again to use our mail servers SMTP. There should be a possibility to use my gitlabs domain for that somehow.
Really looking forward to Monday. Ugh...
One of the things I have no fucking patience for is bureaucracy. For the last year I've been working for a company I have no problem with, I like the place and I like the people here. Recently I was contacted by another company and offered a better salary to work for them. I was open about it with my boss and we both accorded that I will receive the same salary to stay (It was ok to me since I feel comfortable here), but in order to do that I'll have to sign a new contract. Ok, no big deal. Few days later a HR girl contacts me to send her all the documentation needed to elaborate a contract, and I was like 'You guys already have all my documents, been working here for a year'. But Ok, I tried not to be picky and just sent her everything again. Then she requests online psychometric tests, sends a shitload of formats to fill, like personal references, their company-custom resume format, privacy policies, and many more stupid and irrellevant paperwork nobody should need when a person has been working for you for a year and you want him to stay. I really tried to be patient and do everything the HR girl wanted me to do, but for one reason or other, she kept rejecting the formats I was sending (I had to download, print, sign, scan and resend many of them). We've been wrestling for an entire fucking week over this shit via email and she can't just write a new contract, make me sign it and leave me the fuck alone. The last thing she compained about was a stupid personal reference format I didnt scan with my signature on. This other company wants me to start next monday. I guess the next document I'll be sending her will be my resignation letter.2
Last Week Friday:
PM: We'll be taking you off the one project on to another, we'll send the details later.
PM: Ok cool, so you'll be looking at a script that one of our Pillar heads has scripted. You need to make sure it works and that it can run on the server.
Me: *I always thought this guy was useless now i get to see what he can do* Cool, just send the documentation and i'll take a look at it over the weekend. Just tell me when you've sent it.
Project Head: I'll inform you when i send the files and how to run them.
Me: *I know how to set up a database locally, i'm not an idiot* Cool.
Whole Weekend I don't get a single message.
Project Head(PH): Have you taken a look at it yet?
Me: Taken a look at what?
PH: The Database and the Script
Me: i didn't get any message over the weekend.
PH: I sent it yesterday, it should be in your inbox.
Me: There's Nothing. Sending anything on a Sunday is expecting me not to see it, especially at 10pm. Besides i can't retrieve any of the files in the attachment(Outlook tripping), rather send it in a zip file or upload it to onedrive.
PH sends the link. I get the files, set up the DB, glance at the script.
Me: This is actually interesting.
PH: You know what it does?
Me: My SQL knowledge is below average but i can read and understand it pretty well. So your dynamically copying the database from the server to the warehouse, cool.
It's not going to work though.
PH: Check first.
I check it
Me: Doesn't work, but it sort of works.
PH: What do you mean?
Me: Some tables are populated but some aren't,, how and there's a shit tone of errors.
PH: So i does copy the data over.
Me: Some of the data.
PH: test it on the Server
Me: Not a good idea.
PH: Just try it.
PM: In the mean time i'll send you some documentation i need you to review and edit.
Me: *Idiots* Cool.
Me: Have you checked it on the server yet?
PH: Not yet, busy.
Me: Where's the documentation again?
PM: I'll send it it a moment.
Me: In the mean time i'll write some script to fix that script that's definitely not going to work.
Boss: I heard you done with the script
Me: It's not done, but we'll be testing it on the server later.
Boss: Then why are you running it on the server?
Me: Ask the PH and PM.
Boss: What are you doing now?
Me: Well i'm supposed to do documentation *looks at PM* but i haven't recieved any yet, so I've been writing a script to fix the copy script.
PH: Ok we'll test when the boss leaves, after all the meetings.
PM: here's the documentation.
I start on documentation.
PH: It didn't work.
Me: I know.
PH: Fix it.
PM: What you doing?
Me: Fixing the script,
PM: Do the documentation first
End of the day:
PH: Why you doing the documentation? The script has highest priority.
Me: Ask the PM.
Boss: can we talk.
Boss: I though you said the script was done?
Me: i said it sort of works, just doesn't do the job 100%.
Boss: Monday i was told it's done.
Me: i only looked through it Monday to understand it, i done nothing before Tuesday. though i have been trying to create a script to fix it.
Boss: Your working really slow hey.
Me: *It's been a week, and stupid people are in charge* I was doing what i was told.
Boss: Cool.(His Upset)
Stupid FUCKEN people, make stupid FUCKEN decisions. But Hey, the boss only see's the final result. I am a human being, even i make mistakes. But there's a huge gap between stupidity and a mistake.
I've only been in college for 2.5 years, but oh the stories I could tell... I'll tell just one (for now), and this is not the worst of it.
Had this one instructor. She could teach and explain things well, but I'd be lying if I didn't say she was strict and often rude and flat-out a pain. Had her about every other semester.
SQL class: Using Oracle SQL and a cheap book with printing issues (my first copy was illegible), we learned about database design, management, and lots of things we can do in SQL. I learned a good bit, but then again, I was an online student and self-learned from the book.
It was near chapter 5. Literally every single student had trouble that week. I think the semester was starting to take its toll. Even I had trouble. It seems 0 of 25 students in class submitted their work by Sunday evening (this was before the COLLEGE changed the universal policy that assignments were due on Monday night (THANK GOODNESS)), so she extended the assignment to be Monday night and told the class (nevermind her assignments were dreadful and hated doing them. Fun fact: I probably still have them and can dig them up if wished).
Except she didn't tell her (multiple!) online students.
As I said, even I was having trouble that week. I ended up getting all my homework that week mixed up and thought I submitted my work. When I discovered I hadn't which was after the deadline, I asked her about it when I was on campus.
Instead of listening to my claim that she never emailed the online students, she protested claimed she did (I could have pulled up my email with proof, as could she, but she never did), said it was my fault for not submitting my work (true) and not checking that it was extended (???), that I should have be grateful she even extended it (um), she was not accepting any late work, and shrugged off everything I said.
I was likely one of (if not the) best students. To this day, that is the only assignment I've gotten a zero on. I still passed with an A, but I did my best to try to find classes without her from then on.
Up next (when I find time to type it): My first encounter with this instructor (which happened before this story) which created some sweet justice two years later.
** this means words are muted **
I send a mail the client a Google doc with elaborate details about evaluation of an Android tablet from a Chinese manufacturer.
The client is upset, he says "You say there is no GPS chip on the tablet while the manufacturer says otherwise"
Me- "I have clearly mentioned that it has a GPS chip"
Client- Opens the Google doc, points to a sentence. Looks at me like I did something horrible.
Me - **This guys is either word blind or something else is wrong with him, the line reads 'GPS chip available'**
Me- "Look, it says 'GPS chip available'.
Client- **Blinks n blinks again** "Alright, but why did you share a Google document, why not PDF, docx"
Me-**Politely** "You can download the document in any format, look I will show you..."
Client- "It should have been in the mail itself ideally"
Me- **WTH** "We normally maintain a document for such things to keep everything organised, but if you want I will put everything in mail itself"
Client- "Hmm.. do both from next time"
Me- "Alright" **BS**
Client- "Why is the new feature taking so much time"
Me- "As planned earlier, we going to deliver it tomorrow"
Client- "Why not today??" **Gives a strange look.**
Me thinking - **Enough**
Me- "See, I am trying to integrate a smarten with a socket connection, reading it's data via exposed APIs that are hardly documented, we need faster performance so I need to implement caching, multi threading, offline handling, multiple processes to avoid memory fluctuations, sync adapter to sync data...."
Client- "Ok ok ok, it's fine if you give working build tomorrow"
Me- "Ok, fine"
For the past 5+ years all I’ve heard from DevA and DevB is what a mess our source control is, we should be using our own custom nuget feeds,..Monday morning quarterback this…Monday morning quarterback that.
This year the department manager gave them the green light to start from scratch. Like ‘green field’ start from scratch. If I were involved, I would have been excited with such an opportunity.
For the past two hours all I’ve heard is ..
DevA: “What should we call this namespace?”
DevB: “I don’t know, I can’t make that decision.”
DevA: “Yea, that’s a business decision. Let’s call it Common for now.”
DevB: “Yea, it’s stupid, but we can change it later.”
DevA: “What about logging project?”
DevB: “Well, how about Core? Every project should have a Core.”
DevA:”Ha ha…like .Net Core. I like it.”
On and on…it’s all I can do from throwing my chair right now.1
So, it's been a while since I've been working on my current project and I've never had the "luck" to touch the legacy project wrote in PHP, until this week when I got my first issue.
And damn, this goddamn issue. It was a bug, a very strange bug, that only happens in production and that nobody has any idea what was happening, so yeah, I didn't have anyone to ask and I got less time than usual ( because Thanksgiving ).
And thus, I have no starting point, no previous knowledge on PHP and less time! I expected a very fun week 😀 and it was beyond my expectations.
First I tried to understand what might be causing the issue, but there wasn't any real clue to star with, so no choice, time to read the flow on the code and see what are they're doing and using ( 1k line files, yay, legacy ). Luckily I got some clues, we're using a cookie and a php session variable for the session, ok, let's star with the session variable. Where it's that been initialize ? Well, spoiler alert, I shouldn't start with that, because my search end up in the login method of the API that set a that variable and for some reason in the front end app it was always false and that lead me to think that some of the new backend functions were failing, but after checking the logs I got no luck.
Ok, maybe the cookie it's the issue, I should try open the previous website on the brow...redirect to new project login, What? Why ? I ask around and it's a new feature push on Monday, ok I got Chrome Dev tools I can see which value of the cookie it's been set and THERE IT WAS it has a wrong domain! After 2 days ( I resume a lot of my pain ) I got what I've been looking for, so now I should be able to fix the bug. Then where is the cookie initialized ? In the first file the server hits whenever you tried to enter any page of the app, ok, I found the method, but it's using a function that process the domain and sets it correctly? wtf ? Then how in heaven do I get the incorrect domain ? Hello? Ok, relax, you still have one more day to fix this, let's take it easy.
Then, at the end of the Wednesday, nope I still have no clue how this is happening. I talked with the Devops guy and he explain me how this redirection happens and with what it depends on, I followed the PHP code through and nothing, everything should works fine, sigh. Ok I still have 2 days, because I'm not from US and I'm not in US, so I still have time, but the Sprint is messed up already, so whatever I'm gonna had done this bug anyhow.
Thursday ! I got sick, yay, what else could happen this week. Somehow I managed to work a little and star thinking in what external issue could affect the processing, maybe the redirection was bringing a wrong direction, let's talk with the Devops guy again, and he answer me that the redirection it was being made by PHP code, IN A FILE THAT DOESN'T EXIST IN THE REPOSITORY, amazing, it's just amazing. Then he explained me why this file might be missing and how it's the deployment of this app ( btw the Devops guy it's really cool and I will invite him a beer ) . After that I checked the file and I see a random session_star in the first line of the code, without any configuration, eureka ! There was the cause and I only need to ask someone If that line it's necessary anymore, but oh they're on holiday, damn, well I'll wait till Monday to ask them. But once and for all that bug was done for ! 🎉
What do I learn ? PHP and that I don't want any more tickets of PHP 😆.