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Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"
Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"
Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"
Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"
Boss: "What?"
Me: "Not the team, the servers..."
Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"
Me: "I get why he left you"
Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."
Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"
Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"
Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."
Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"
Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"
Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"
Boss: "That's what he said"
Me: "You're using that meme wrong"
Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"
Me: "That would work"
Boss: "Why are you grinning?"
Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"18 -
I'm not an iOS expert, I just wanted to get Google ads on my iOS app so that I could make a few petty dollars at the expense of my users. Is that too much to ask?
I started by following Google's instructions: install cocoapods, copy and paste some swift code... Compile failed, app broke. Carefully retrace my steps. Nothing.
Stackoverflow (praise be with them) suggests upgrading Xcode. Go to app store and click to upgrade Xcode. No progress bar, no status updates, just that pissy little spinner for several minutes. I become impatient try a few more times. It ain't happening.
Stackoverflow (holy of holies, defender of the weak) points me to an alternate source for Xcode, on the app store dev console. 4GB and some time later, an attempt to unzip gives "unknown error". Genocide of sorts.
Stackoverflow (all that is pure, all that is kind, all... I think you get it) says upgrade your OS. I tried months ago but I had issues with that pissy little spinner. Persist. 5GB and a "heavy-year" of time later (sorry), it installs. Then Xcode installs. Then bar a few errors, the app compiles.
So after almost 24 hours, life resumes. The lesson.. respond to all obscure iOS errors by upgrading. If fully upgraded, calmly acquire a baseball bat and destroy your machine. Make sure you have a good book nearby in case of either event.
Thank you for reading my rant. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pay Apple
$150 so that I may list my app in the app store.11 -
I guess unix was made by pervs as I have to command it to Touch, Finger, Unzip, Strip, Mount, Fsck, Unmount and Sleep5
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terms can only be use in programming: -
Where friends have access to your private parts,
Where Parents may kill their child if required,
Where Bugs come in from open windows,
Where one image is worth 128K words,
Where 10 == 2,
Where Zombies are common and not dangerous *,
Where Daemons are always there somewhere
Where the slimmest of USB drives are considered FAT *,
Where comments are made and arguments are passed, **
Where forever alone nerds can also unzip, touch, mount and fsck ***,
Where root is top of the tree,
Where x = x + y is totally correct,
Where opening a jar requires Java,
Where Oct 31 = Dec 25,
Thanks to ASHISH KEDIA for writing these.
Source :- Quora4 -
If you understand -_-
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep😋13 -
Buy it, use it, break it, fix it
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it
View it, code it, jam - unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it
Turn it, leave it, start - format it10 -
Being a programmer on a non-tech startup company is not too bad. That means aside from coding:
- You have to check if the office printer works
- You need to figure out why the phone lines aren't ringing
- You have to teach a stupid colleague on how to unzip a file
- When they give you a task, they'll say that it's "not urgent", but, they just "need it by tomorrow"
- You have to be a "mind-reader" because if something goes wrong, they don't know how to describe what's going on. Or probably, they're just too lazy being specific. They'll just say, "Hey, I have a problem.", and you will be like "What problem? Your dog is sick? You shit your pants? You lost your faith in God? Fuck what?"
- You don't have a time to "focus", because everyone interrupts you for just about anything related to "technology". Yeah, because you're the IT guy
- You always have learned and applied the latest practices/stacks, but no one gives a fuck
- You will start to re-think your life and devrants make you feel better9 -
Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip, unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, curl it, find it,
View it, code it, jam, unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it
Cross it, crack it, twitch, update it,
Name it, read it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax, rename it,
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, stop, format it.9 -
root@gf # date; mv gf $HOME; watch movies; touch; split; finger; unzip; fsck; touch; fsck; yes; yes; fallocate -l20M "cream"; zip; sleep
Happy Valentine's Day everyone 😉11 -
Ah, these classic LINUX commands:
$ unzip; strip; touch; finger; grep; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; fsck; umount; clean; sleep4 -
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep3 -
So we are a development company, we have some remote coders.
This one is very good coding BUT
Sometimes he disappears and then comes back with an history, the other day he said his grandpa was about to die of cancer so he had to go to see him.
Three days ago, he had to finish a landing page manager, in React. just a form and unzip (nodejs server side) the files... It was not so difficult.
He said was going to finish later that day.
Then he disappeared, for 3 days!
And i got a message from him on facebook saying he got robbed and he was going to rent a laptop to continue working.
Then i asked if he had any progress on the code before that happened. and he started sending
me screenshots of the code , but in one screenshot i was able to see a part of the desktop background. Checked on the history of files @ Slack and that was his background lol.
Please guys , don't do these kind of things.
If he had told me that he needed to study or something i would have understood him
Now i feel i cant trust him anymore.
Moral: Lies/attitudes like these one can have a big negative effect on your life and you will miss some big opportunities!10 -
I just got four CSV reports sent to me by our audit team, one of them zipped because it was too large to attach to email.
I open the three smaller ones and it turns out they copied all the (comma separated) data into the first column of an Excel document.
It gets better.
I unzip the "big" one. It's just a shortcut to the report, on a network share I don't have access to.
They zipped a shortcut.
Sigh. This'll be a fun exchange.3 -
DATA COMMUNICATION BETWEEN SERVER AND AN APP..
1. Write all data into files,
2. Make the files as zip,
3. Send the zip to server,
4. Server will unzip the zip file,
5. Read all the data line by line from the files and update the data.
** TRUST ME, THIS IS A PRODUCTION APP I HAVE SEEN FROM A CLIENT **7 -
"I'm almost done, I'll just need to add tests!"
Booom! You did it, that was a nuke going off in my head.
No, you shouldn't just need to add tests. The tests should have been written from the get go! You most likely won't cover all the cases. You won't know if adding the tests will break your feature, as you had none, as you refactor your untested mess in order to make your code testable.
When reading your mess of a test case and the painful mocking process you went through, I silently cry out into the void: "Why oh why!? All of this suffering could have been avoided!"
Since most of the time, your mocking pain boils down to not understanding what your "unit" in your "unit test" should be.
So let it be said:
- If you want to build a parser for an XML file, then just write a function / class whose *only* purpose is: parse the XML file, return a value object. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
- If you want to build a parser for an XML file, it MUST NOT: download a zip, extract that zip, merge all those files to one big file, parse that big file, talk to some other random APIs as a side-effect, and then return a value object.
Because then you suddenly have to mock away a http service and deal with zip files in your test cases.
The http util of your programming language will most likely work. Your unzip library will most likely work. So just assume it working. There are valid use cases where you want to make sure you acutally send a request and get a response, yet I am talking unit test here only.
In the scope of a class, keep the public methods to a reasonable minimum. As for each public method you shall at least create one test case. If you ever have the feeling "I want to test that private method" replace that statement in your head with: "I should extract that functionality to a new class where that method public. I then can create a unit test case a for that." That new service then becomes a dependency in your current service. Problem solved.
Also, mocking away dependencies should a simple process. If your mocking process fills half the screen, your test setup is overly complicated and your class is doing too much.
That's why I currently dig functional programming so much. When you build pure functions without side effects, unit tests are easy to write. Yet you can apply pure functions to OOP as well (to a degree). Embrace immutability.
Sidenote:
It's really not helpful that a lot of developers don't understand the difference between unit, functional acceptance, integration testing. Then they wonder why they can't test something easily, write overly complex test cases, until someone points out to them: No, in the scope of unit tests, we don't need to test our persistance layer. We just assume that it works. We should only test our businsess logic. You know: "Assuming that I get that response from the database, I expect that to happen." You don't need a test db, make a real query against that, in order to test that. (That still is a valid thing to do. Yet not in the scope of unit tests.)8 -
The project tech lead asks me to add some Docker configuration files sent by the client to a project. He gives me a zip file and I unzip it and add the files to Git. Job done.
Later he checks the commit and starts bitching because I unzipped the file and it should have been added as a zip. After much debate trying to explain to him that Docker wouldn't open the zip file to search for the Dockerfile he just says "Can you just do it? I double checked with the client!". I give up after giving him all the arguments why he is wrong and do it.
The next day the client checks the commit and comments bitching that I included the zip file and not the contents of it.4 -
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep3 -
Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep5 -
Why devs like Linux/Unix :
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep3 -
I once worked with an obsessive tester who was bent on ‘testing’ the README file of a Software Distribution.
The README text file was in the distribution zip, so she had to unzip the thing before reading the file, however she insisted that her test result was a failure because there was no README that shows her how to unzip the distro to read the README!
I thought she was joking, but she was dead serious and escalated the ‘issue’ to the manager! I was furious, almost resigned from the project
In the end I had to suck it up and tolerated more weeks of her mindless obsession!5 -
How a linux sysadmin has sex :
who | grep -i hot && grep -i female | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep; -
I was today years old when I realized I could unzip with 7zip a excel, word, ppt files. Which then lead me down a rabbit hole of finding other OLE type files.. altium schematic files, brd files etc11
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"We want you to run the site"
"Ok but you don't need me - the rewritten codebase is javascript and the Python proxy is in the cloud. You can run it on any cheap web hotel. Or just unzip the app on your own desktop"
"We want you to run the site."
Loop this a few times. Can't say I didn't try to save them the money...2 -
WHY THE FUCK IS THE UPGRADE UNZIP DIR HARDCODED IN WORDPRESS TO A LOCATION IN THE WEBROOT????????? It should be /tmp.... I always knew wordpress devs were... special...3
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I've ranted about this before, but here we go again:
Go Plugins.
I was racking my brains trying to figure out how one could possibly implement plugins easily in Go.
I had a look at using RPC, which requires far to much boilerplate to be realistic. I looked at using Lua, but there doesn't seem to be a straight forward way of using it. I was even about to go with using WASM (yes, WASM). But then I came across Yaegi ("Yet another elegant Go interpreter", you heard right: "interpreter"), Yaegi is also very easy to use.
There are a few issues (including some I haven't solved yet), including flexibility (multiple types of plugins), module support, etc. Fortunately, Traefik just released their plugin system which is based on Yaegi (same company), and I got to learn a few tricks from them.
Here's how module loading works: The developer vendors their dependencies and pushes them to a repo. The user downloads the repo as a zip and saves it to the plugins folder. I hash the zip, unzip it to a cache, and set the the GOPATH for the interpreter to be that extracted folder. I then load the module (which is defined by a config file in the folder), and save it for later. This is the relatively easy part.
The hard part is allowing for different types of plugins. It looks easy, but Go has a strict typing system, makes things complicated. I'm in the process of solving this problem, and so far it should go like this: Check that the plugin fits an arbitrary interface, and if it does, we're good the go. I will just have to apply the returned plugin to that interface. I don't like this method for a few reasons, but hopefully with generics it will become a bit more clean.1 -
who | grep -i blonde | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep
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I don't know if my boss just wants me to learn how to use a new internal deployment process or just likes giving me unnecessary low-value work to take up time...
I could and have just copied the program via SFTP and unzip it to set it up....
(This is a testing and does not need to be in production...)
I have better things I could be doing and just want to get this done and closed but ... -
During my presentations in class, when I use terminal to navigate through folders, unzip the presentation and related files and open the presentation in LibreOffice, I'm termed to be "showing off" my skills
Why can't people appreciate the fact that I did all that even without lifting my hand off the keyboard and in one third the amount of time!2 -
!rant, but funny
tl;dr I made something that was to protect me in case the customer doesn't pay, wanted to check if it's still there, messed up a little :D
>do an Android app project for almost 6 months
>issues with payment for it
> =.=
>firebase
>"Add new application"
>Remote Config
>add single integer variable
>back to app code
>if (integerFromFirebase != 0) navigateTo(new Fragment())
>mwahahahaha
>but they ended up paying me in the end
>huh...
>see another post on how to secure yourself if customer doesn't want to pay
>well, consider yours as more sophisticated
>hmm... wonder if they removed it
>firebaseconsole.exe
>change "enableJavaScript" (needed a legit name, so it can't be easily backtracked) to 1
>publish changes
>app still works fine
>mhhh... they removed it? really?
>can't fking believe it
>apkpure.com
>search for the app
>download apk
>unzip
>decompile dex file
>find the fragment
>can't find the code that navigates to blank fragment, but the config fetch is still there
>wtf
>look at the app
>restart it
>SHIT ITS NOT WORKING NOW XDDDDD
>changed the variable back to 0
>found out that the lambda in which I navigate to the blank fragment is in other .java file. New thing learned :v
>idk if I'm in trouble but I highly doubt it (console shows max 10 active users atm)
Was fun tho :v3 -
My very first experience with a computer was a Mac 512Ke which my parents bought to do accounts on.
I was too young to really get it but it had the games Zork 2, a flight sim called fire fox (I think) and some painting program.
What actually got me into programming was when I was at a friend's and we were trying to get dune 2 to work and his older brother stepped in, did some command line unzip and then hey! It worked.
Bit he was such an arrogant prick about us not knowing how to start the program that I started learning myself how to use computers properly. -
Playing Sierra Online games like Kings Quest and Thexdar on an Epson 8088 with duel 5 1/4 floppy drives and no hard drive. I don't miss the days of having to swap disks when moving between different areas in the games.
I remember when my dad got a 486 DX/2 with a 300 MB hard drive and I could fit all my games on it. Prior to that on the 286 that had a 40 MB drive I created a batch file with a menu to select a game that would unzip the game and launch it, then when I exited the game it would zip it back up and delete the directory. -
Use linux they said. It is stable they said.
I use a linux VM for managing DNS with BIND and configuration via WebMIN.
A minor webmin update : Sure, let’s click.
“Update failed. WebMIN requires UnZIP” Poof whole interface is down. Here we go for 30+ minutes of manual rolling back, installing unzip, retrying update. That shit only happens on linux.23 -
I'm assigned with doing Guides for customers that need connections through Microsoft Remote Desktop.
I made one on a Windows laptop, fine, but they also need guides for Mac OsX and iOS. Dat emacs-fingertorture screenshot buttoncombo.. and once I was done with that I needed a quick way to put 20 odd screenshots on my working computer ( Linux ) and edit them to have a unified design and to also share it with my coworker, so I put them up on Google drive. It started acting up right away with compressing for download in Linux.. then on the Windows computer......... and once I had the zips Windows internal unzipped couldn't unzip them, neither could 7zip................. neither could Linux Unzip -e ................ I ended up just downloading them one by one on both computers, I almost got a nosebleed from that..
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I've got a Linux Server running with 2 NVMe disks in RAID 1 configuration using mdadm. But if I want to create a big file, say 4GB, the whole system starts to hang.
I found out it's because of the journaling process which gives the CPU a long IOWAIT.
My problem is, I want to unzip a huge file, but this results in an immense server hang. Is there any way to do this without the server hang?
I unzip it inside of a docker container, if that is of any help.7 -
Android studio is BIG PILE OF GARBAGE.
I waste my second day to install a fuckin emulator because that retarded thing tries to unzip it in fuckin /tmp, which it cant because it gets filled and then it fails.
It doesnt even consider my overwrite options to use a different /tmp directory
AH
FUCK
YOU -
The programmer calls the library.
- Hello, is Anna there?
- It's in the archive.
- Unzip her, please. I need it urgently!1 -
Does anyone know an easy to use server to run a java algorithm? Like I'm a total noob yet and I need something where I unzip the src folder and I get it up and running. Terminal use is ok. Each run takes me 8 hours and I need workforce...
I want my computer back for my personal projects :/2 -
djtsjxnvmtjxkzmffnvxj jfjdmf
ugh I just wasted an hour of my life on `tar`. Unzip, edit file, rezip. Seriously. How hard can that be? And no DSM, "invalid file format" doesn't do crap for helping me debug.
(I know, tar is the butt of a lot of memes around here, but it's legitimately frustrating.)
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