I alias my "sudo" to "please" so I can practice being polite to my server and code more.

Oh boy!

Time to apply for dev jobs!

Good thing HR is fair and just!

*submits résume*

"I'm sorry but you're not qualified. The programming language we use is listed last on your resume."

Welcome to HR Hell ladies and gentleman.

After one year of procrastination I finally made the game with unity

Ladies and gentleman, spherical voronoi minesweeper

Yes, I made the game before with in c++ which looks quite shitty, but finally, unity

And that was the world's leading professional social network, ladies and gentleman!

Ladies (and gentleman), I present you the perfect dating app. Can't believe what I've been missing all these years

a gentleman doesn't hack and tell

Special Awards: In a previous life, I employed a South African gentleman by the name of Jack Howell. He had a thing about finding other South African ex-pats, and could often be heard asking people on the phone “Are you by any chance from South Africa?”.

Jack Howell would also do very stupid things. Like forget to come to work. When asked, he’d come up with random excuses - “It was my wife Gwyneth’s fault”, or “I was confused, I took wrong turnings”. Generally, he was a bit of a twat, and had a weird kind of smile he’d give you.

After he left the company, we came up with the idea of having an award for whoever acted the most like Jack Howell on a given day, or week. It was known as The Jack Howell Award. The award itself was whatever shitty thing we could find at the time - a construction made of folded paper and paper clips, or a weird 3 inch statue from a charity shop, or whatever really naff-beyond-belief item we could find at the time.

Where I work now, we have a shitty 12 inch statue of a woman with a dog that turned up in our office, courtesy of our Maintenance Manager. This is the new Jack Howell award. Currently awarded to a senior dev colleague who spent a day chasing a missing variable.

Ladies and gentleman....welcome the new Mac Pro!

So after you fucked your Ubuntu installation last year because you decided to `chmod -R 777 /` you are telling me that you did the same to /home and /var/lib because the former intern "told you so"?!?!

How can someone be SO FUCKING STUPID??
Fuck...
My boss ladies and gentleman...

I hate social functions.

Have to shave of my months long beard and dress up like a gentleman, too much effort imo.

My friend, Gavin, an air steward (a job that he had done for decades), told me about an incident at work. He said that (shockingly to me) passengers occasionally die on a flight (particularly long-haul), just as a matter of course. This can be because people sometimes travel to visit loved ones BECAUSE they are dying, people sometimes find travelling itself stressful (so it can exacerbate an existing medical condition), or simply that, if you took a large number of people and shut them up in a space together for some considerable time, some of them would pop off through sheer statistical probability. Cabin crew are, apparently, fully trained to deal within this eventually in a calm, almost routine manner.

This particular flight, Gavin was working with another gay man: Peter, who was actually a VERY funny personality. Camp, extravagant and loud, Peter really lit up the place. But naturally, when the very elderly male passenger in seat 38b died peacefully in his sleep halfway across the Atlantic, Peter acted (like the entire crew), with decorum and dignity. As per the protocol, all the lights in the cabin were dimmed. A hush fell over the passengers (Gavin told me that, although no announcement is ever made, the other passengers nearly always instinctively know what's happened, with the news spreading via the media of hushed whispers and nudges). Then, as per standing instructions, two of the crew carefully lifted the deceased out of his seat and gently carried him to the crew station where he was laid down on a bed for the remainder of the flight.

After the late gentleman disappeared behind the discreetly drawn curtain, you could have heard a pin drop. There was a demure pause during which, slowly, the lights went back up.

Suddenly Peter's cheery face appeared, poking through the gap in the drapes. He looked around, blinking brightly with curiosity at the seated passengers, and said, in a voice that echoed around the whole cabin:

"SO! Anyone else have the fish?"

He narrowly avoided getting sacked.

What?... really?... You read my code? ...*wipes away tears*

THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!! You sir/madam/undefined are a true gentleman and scholar! (even if you are just a troll picking random shit apart to flash around your superior knowledge of design patterns).

Any time I receive a code review, that is bearing that is an actual review, born of free will and not a mandatory report - I feel flattered beyond words.

> Think its shit? - GREAT FINALLY FEEDBACK!
> Have an idea? - I'm all ears.
> Trying to sound smart? - You still read/used my shit.
> Want to understand my approach? - Grab a drink and get comfy son.

In a world where I am usually the only person in the world that knows WHAT MY ACTUAL WORK IS and there being only a select few people on the planet able to understand it, I am always grateful for developer feedback.

Seriously... out of your own volition you used my code, read it, made an effort to understand my thinking and THEN REACHED OUT TO ME with ideas!!??

I could kiss you... you beautiful binary saint.

World’s largest social media platform, ladies and gentleman

Your favourite comment?

My team was working on a legacy system, one part of it is an assistant, sadly required as global variables.

Being a non-english-first-language company, some dev years ago thought shortening said assistant to "ass" would be a wise idea - less to type, right?

When we redid the application 2016 part-by-part, our code needed to define 3-4 global variables starting with the "ass" prefix for the legacy parts to work. The colleague who was tasked with this is a fine gentleman from England.

Later as I read through the commit, I found 5 lines of code following 20 lines of comments explaining and deeply apologizing for "ass", "ass_open", etc.

The same dev also had a "HACK OF THE YEAR" comment he moved around when time constraints made a less-than-optimal fix necessary which was worse than the last "highscore".

Ladies and gentleman, I've done it.
Remove your hacker game trophies from your wall.
That nasty bug you fixed a couple of nights ago? Meh.
Your top devRant post? You'll delete it after reading this.
Every awesome accomplishment you can think of: it all means shit now.

>> I have SUCCESSFULLY changed my business Microsoft account password into something I can remember AND Microsoft accepted it in under an hour of trying!!!!! <<

I want to say a big FUCK YOU to MICROSOFT for WASTING MY BLOODY TIME.

FUCK YOU for giving me a max of 16 characters. DASB&(*(&G*HH*& for telling me every time my password is 100% strength and then after every submit tell me I have to change it AGAIN because it should be harder to guess. WUT?! It was 16 characters including a (capital) letter, number and multiple special characters, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! UNICODE EMOJI'S???!!! ALLOW ME TO USE MORE CHARACTERS SO I WILL MAKE IT HARDER TO GUESS IT, IT'S 2018 FFS.
I don't even understand why my new password is accepted compared to the other one, but fuck it I can access my account again.
Now I might have to find a new job before the company password policy kicks in again.

/me drops everything and walks out of the office to get wasted (not sure if celebrating or just really pissed off)

The future is here Gentleman

Well, I suppose there's no rules against talking about a non-tech company situation.

Before I made it into my career as a developer, I wrote code as a self-learned hobby programmer. I had a job though, which was selling chips. No, not ICs... potato chips. Funny enough, I made a killing doing it.

Anyway, this isn't about me. It's about the guy who quit shortly after I showed up. You see, we all had company trucks and most of us parked them at the warehouse and commuted in our own vehicles. We'd load the trucks up with product and lock them up in the yard for the next day.

It used to be that there was an option to take the truck home, but after this gentleman, that was reserved for special instances.

That would be due to the fact that the guy played "hide the chip truck" and called up to quit his job, forcing my former boss to hunt around an entire city to find the damn thing.

I've found it isn't so different in software, except when people quit, it's more like "hide the actual deployed branch you didn't commit".

!rant

Had a meeting with the head of my department concerning the status of many of our current projects. Them projects are huge and it is 2 dedicated devs(me and the lead) working on them whilst training our CMS admin in development to help out(dude is talented af and really digs programming) and my manager was so worried about what he was gonna say.

The thing is, she doesn't know how to take a break, she never pushes us, but she does push herself and it pains the team to see her take so much heat. She really is a bomb manager, and we want her to be more at ease.

Well a couple of days ago the vips of the board decided to bombard her with shit since out dptmnt head was on sick leave. The stress they put on her was some military grade bs and even then she never...EVER took it out on anyone.

The head of our department walked in to talk to us about it. Dude is a tall older gentleman, suits up every day(Texas style meaning cowboy boots and everything) and is quite imposing. Has a stern look man, one of them 1000 mile stares and a huge mustache that more than surpasses mine(which mind you, my mustache is fucking outstanding)

Our boss walked into the meeting room, sat down and heard what she had to say, she was not excusing herself. As bomb as this gorgeous woman is she was all about telling him what we were going to show the board on next week's meeting.

He sat there quietly listening to her as well as the presentation that me and my boys had to do.

What happened next blew me the fuck out of this world.

He said that he was sorry that so much stress had come down to her and us whilst he was gone and that he was happy with the leadership showcased by her and the initiative that the team took to put forward a presentation for him and the board. He also said that he was going to make said presentation for us since the vips had no business stressing us out, he asked for our assistance for any of the technical stats since even though he was a programmer he is not aware of all the inner details of our apps. He said that it is commendable that such a small team can hold 2 campus(college level) and that he was aware of the technical proficiency of me and the lead and that he knows that our shit is not something that gets done overnight.

He then said that at any given time that we get antagonized by matters such as timeframes or shit like that that we can direct everyone to him, regardless of what.

.He was also really amazed at the progress we showed him on the current projects(most are on their respective testing phases).
He then reiterated on how proud he is of all of us before biding us a good weekend and leaving to his office

As i sat there watching how the world was lifted from my manager and happy that he enjoyed the progress of my work I could not help but feel a deep sense of admiration and respect for this mysterious man.

I would damn skippy take a bullet for him....just in case my draw gets sloppy that is, ain't no one taking aim at the boss.

My failed interaction with a girl:
So I go to a convention at the university.
It's nice I'm having fun, I see a girl dressed as Hermione, she is cute so I go talk to her for a little we joke around I'm really starting to like her. Then I say bye and hang out with friends for the rest of the evening. I see her leaving so I run to her and after catching up to her I ask if I could have her phone number. She says yes and enters her number on my phone. I'm super happy. I excitedly wait for the next day's evening to message her. We message for a while the next day she messages good morning, so I think things are going well, she must like me too right ? I mean we glanced at each other at the convention, she gave me her phone number and messaged good morning so I'm pretty sure she does...

Turns out she doesn't, she says she thought I wanted to be friends...
WHAT ?! FRIENDS ?? Are you 12 ? What friend would run to you to get your phone number and after getting it there would be a stupid grin on his face ??? She looks at 9gag and doesn't know the most overly used meme of "friendzone" ? Unbelievable either she was screwing with me or she is just that socially dense. So after that I'm pretty mad but I don't say any mean things I just accept the fact like a gentleman and carry on with my life. But also feeling depressed after believing we actually had a connection. Ugh I guess back to the coal mines for me huh, stupid conventions 😒

I've made it to the big leagues gentleman... Yay avatar!

So I have a date tomorrow. First meeting in person. I’ve got a little time to kill before hand, and need to learn Dart anyway....so I thought it would be fun to code her up something interactive. Kinda like that game Mr and Mrs. Only in the terminal, and for nerds.

Features, ladies and gentleman?

When a lovely gentleman from across the sea calls me and says
"hello I am from the computer department, there seems to be a problem with your pc"

me:"what department is that again?"

Him:"The computer department"

me:"Could you also tell me what that loud samba music is in the background?"

So back to the stories of the gentleman with his master's degree who's job I wasn't qualified for. Hope you all enjoy this gem I found in his stored procedure.

Select distinct *
From(
Select * from a inner join b on a.id=b.id
Union
Select * from a full join b on a.id=b.id
Where b.id is null
)

An inner join unioned to a full join where you exclude null values in right table creates a.....left join you fucking idiot!

Ladies and gentleman 🤪 its almost weekend!!!!

++ For extra gud weekend 🤲🤪

So I just did my morning shopping and only one register was open. There was an older gentleman in the front, who took some more time getting cigarettes and paying his total. Well Mr. Important in his nice suit decided that took too long: "Lady! Please open another register! People don't have time, I have to go to work!"
The cashier called in for another register to be opened and once that guy made his way to the other line, she said "My mother always told me, if you don't have time for shopping, don't." 😂
ALSO GUESS WTF THAT GUY WAS BUYING, JUST A SOME CHEAP FUCKING CIGARILLOS HE COULD'VE GOTTEN EVERYWHERE ELSE THAT'S NOT A SUPERMARKET

I had a gentleman tell me I was overqualified, and then proceed to ask me for help with Agile software (jira)! 😂 I gave him my card!

This is a bit offtopic .

So Today I found that my family except my mother goes against me .
And that too just because of my grandfather's elder brother who is a bustard and once in the past he tried to attack on my father because of property issues and my father was one of the property holder .

What a family I got . Feels like sick . I don't wanna live with them anymore neither my mother . They ( my so called family ) literally said so many disturbing things that can kill a mentally weak person instantly . And me ?
Well , being just a boy in the home had to listen and defend .

One more lession I got from this incident that
Being aged doesn't mean someone has the proper matured knowledge .
How could a grandfather protect his bustard brother when he knows his brother Tried attack on his son .

This is so toxic .

I'll leave the rest for you guys's opinion .
I've decided to rent a flat somewhere else and live their with my parents .
Yeah Parents , because I can't just ignore my father . He alsl took care of me from the childhood like a gentleman but family pressure and other things couldn't let him decide the right move .

I don't know if I ever be able to look for this so called family .

I got plenty of stories of yelling at co-workers before for assortment of reasons. But let me tell you a story of a time I almost yelled.

Think of Adam Sandler when he's a bit ticked. He says something nice with nice words but he delivers it in an upset and load tone but not actually screaming/yelling. That's me trying to hold back but it reveals how upset I am. I do try to stay courteous and gentlemanly (I'm really trying to manage my anger after so much BS I've been getting after a decade of working). But there are times where my patience is testing its limits and well, I implode.

And when that happens, I regret doing that to my co-workers as we are all trying to get things done and still get paid by the end of day. But they stoopid! UGH!

Co-workers, I can tolerate a little more. But clients are a completely different story. Ever tried fake smiling for over 3 hour meeting of ridiculous change requests and has the balls to make them free? It fcking HURTS!

Was there a post about:

"Love french fries as this gentleman does. <a link to some website full of 3d french fries animations>"

If yes, can someone give a link?

I Thought It Was All Gone! One minute, I struggled through the rush-hour chaos at Grand Central; the next, my phone was gone. A sly pickpocket had stolen it right out of my coat pocket. The panic set in immediately. That phone was my portal to everything, including access to my $315,000 Bitcoin fortune, set aside for my children's education. With my device lost, my two-factor authentication codes were out of reach, and the exchange did not have a backup recovery option. My mind raced: my children losing college educations, my careful financial planning ruined by seconds of distraction.
I stumbled over onto a bench, cradling my briefcase in life-preserver mode. Catching my breath through tears, I was suddenly hit with sympathy from a strange, kind old gentleman whose newspaper sported a circle of coffee spots—and who gave me a rough but hopeful-scribbled brochure. "Tech Cyber Force Recovery pulled my brother from a terror such as you just experienced. Call them up, son." Desperation got the better of doubt. I called in the afternoon. Their crew took to me immediately from the beginning. They sat and listened to the entire thing, every detail of how crowded the station had been to how fearful I was for my children's future. They assured me that all of this could be fixed. Their peaceful belief lifted me like a life preserver that floated me along.
The process of recovery was as meticulous as open-heart surgery. They spoke directly to my exchange provider, coordinating time zones and levels of security. I received daily updates, always in plain human language. Even when nothing had yet changed, they would send me reassuring messages to inform me they were still fighting for me. After eight long days, the call came. My wallet was restored. Tech Cyber Force Recovery did more than recover my Bitcoin, they recovered my peace of mind and my family's future.

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A Second Chance: Recovering My Digital Assets/ HACK ZACK TECH
Recovering Lost Cryptocurrency: My ordeal from Despair to Resolution, A few months ago, I faced a harrowing situation when my Coinbase wallet was completely depleted in a single transaction. I was left in a state of shock and confusion, unable to comprehend how I could have lost approximately GBP 29,000.005 so suddenly. My immediate thought was to contact Coinbase support for assistance, but unfortunately, I encountered significant delays and challenges in reaching them.Feeling desperate, I decided to visit my local police station to report the incident. However, to my dismay, they were unable to provide any actionable help. It was disheartening to realize that the authorities couldn’t assist me in this complex digital theft case. During this troubling time, I was approached by a gentleman who seemed to understand my predicament. He handed me a note with contact details for a recovery service called HACK ZACK TECH . Initially skeptical, I was also desperate for any assistance. I took a leap of faith and contacted them . To my relief, the recovery team was professional and responsive. They requested various pieces of documentation related to my lost funds, which I promptly provided. Within just 72 hours of my initial contact, I received an encouraging letter from HACK ZACK TECH. They confirmed that they had successfully identified the individuals responsible for the theft and had recovered all of my lost funds.This experience taught me the importance of acting quickly and reaching out to specialized services in such dire situations. It’s crucial for anyone who finds themselves in a similar predicament to know that there are resources available that can help in recovering lost cryptocurrency, provided that one follows the correct procedures and communicates effectively with the right entities.I want to share my story as a cautionary tale and a source of hope. If you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t hesitate to seek help.There are avenues for recovery, and with the right assistance, it is possible to regain what was lost.
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I faced an unimaginable nightmare. My phone was attacked by a virus that compromised my Binance wallet, allowing hackers to drain all of my Ethereum and Bitcoin, which amounted to around $525,000. I was completely caught off guard, not understanding how this could happen, and was desperate to find a way to recover my stolen funds. I immediately tried to reach out to Binance’s support team, but after several attempts, I realized I couldn’t get through to anyone. My situation felt hopeless, and I had no idea what to do next. In a last-ditch effort, I went to my local police station to file a report, hoping they might be able to help. Unfortunately, they told me they didn’t have the capacity or expertise to deal with cryptocurrency-related fraud, especially one involving a virus. I left the station feeling more defeated than ever. It seemed like my $525,000 was gone for good. Just when I thought there was no hope left, a gentleman approached me at the station. He handed me a business card for Trust Geeks Hack Expert , a company that specializes in recovering lost or stolen cryptocurrency, particularly in cases involving hacking and viruses. Though I was initially skeptical aware of the scams that often plague the crypto world I decided to contact them support E m a i l : Trust geeks hack expert @ ast ser vi ce.. com And Te le gr am. Trust geeks hack expert . My situation was desperate, and I had to at least try. I reached out to Trust Geeks Hack Expert and shared all of the details of the incident, including the fact that my phone had been infected by a virus. I provided them with the transaction details, wallet addresses, and any other relevant information they requested. To my amazement, within just 72 hours, I received a letter from Trust Geeks Hack Expert confirming that they had successfully recovered all of my funds. Not only did they retrieve the $525,000, but they also traced the virus and identified the individuals responsible for the attack. The experience was eye-opening. Losing cryptocurrency due to a virus attack on your phone can feel like an irreversible blow, but it’s not always the end. With the right help, recovery is possible. Trust Geeks Hack Expert proved that there are trustworthy professionals who specialize in cases like mine. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I highly recommend reaching out to Trust Geeks Hack Expert.

LOST CRYPTO? HERE'S HOW TO TRACK, REPORT AND RECOVER IT: RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY

I was a victim of a notorious scam on Bitcoinfx, a platform that operated under the guise of a legitimate investment opportunity. The company, which claimed to be based in London, posted ads promising high returns on Bitcoin investments and other cryptocurrency trading strategies. These ads flooded social media, search engines, and even financial websites, making the platform seem like a credible and trustworthy entity. Attracted by the promise of quick profits, I decided to invest in what I believed was a solid opportunity. My initial deposit of £1,750 was followed by another £2,500 after I saw what appeared to be consistent growth in my account. The Bitcoinfx mobile app displayed impressive profits, and my balance eventually reflected a total of £117,000. However, when I attempted to withdraw my funds, things began to take a turn for the worse. Each time I tried to access my money, I was told that additional fees were required to cover taxes, government charges, and other fabricated expenses. This cycle of requests never seemed to end, and no matter how much I paid, the withdrawal never went through. At first, Bitcoinfx’s website and mobile app appeared completely legitimate. The branding looked professional, and customer service representatives were available to assist, which gave me a false sense of security. But over time, I began to notice irregularities. The more I questioned them about my inability to access my funds, the more complex and confusing their explanations became. It became clear that I was dealing with a fraudulent operation. By the time I realized Bitcoinfx was a scam, I had lost £80,000 in total, including my initial £4,250 deposit. Desperate for answers, I began researching online and found a forum where other victims shared similar experiences. One comment, in particular, stood out to me. An older gentleman described how he had successfully recovered his funds through a service called Rapid Digital Recovery. The fact that they were familiar with Bitcoinfx and had helped others regain their money gave me hope. I decided to contact Rapid Digital Recovery, and within 24 hours, they had recovered all of my funds. Their professional and swift approach to handling my case was a huge relief. I am sharing my experience to let others know that help is available. If you have been scammed by platforms like Bitcoinfx, Rapid Digital Recovery proved to be a reliable and effective service. I encourage anyone in a similar situation to reach out to them.
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I Thought It Was All Gone! One minute I was struggling through the rush-hour chaos at Grand Central, and the next my phone was gone. A sly pickpocket had stolen it right out of my coat pocket. The panic set in immediately. That phone was my portal to everything, including access to my $315,000 Bitcoin fortune, set aside for my children's education. With my device lost, my two-factor authentication codes were out of reach, and the exchange did not have a backup recovery option. My mind raced: my children losing college educations, my careful financial planning ruined by seconds of distraction.
I stumbled over onto a bench, cradling my briefcase in life-preserver mode. Catching my breath through tears, I was suddenly hit with sympathy from a strange kind old gentleman whose newspaper sported a circle of coffee spots—and who gave me a rough but hopeful-scribbled brochure. "Crypto Recovery Solution pulled my brother from a terror such as you just experienced, call them up son."
Desperation got the better of doubt. I called in the afternoon. Their crew took to me immediately from the beginning. They sat and listened to the entire thing, every detail of how crowded the station had been to how fearful I was for my children's future. They assured me that all of this could be fixed. Their peaceful belief lifted me, like a life preserver that floated me along.
The process of recovery was as meticulous as open-heart surgery. They spoke directly to my exchange provider, coordinating time zones and levels of security. I received daily updates, always in plain human language. Even when nothing had yet changed, they would send me reassuring messages to inform me they were still fighting for me.
After eight long days, the call came. My wallet was restored. I felt a whopping surge of relief and thankfulness, as though I had been holding my breath for over a week. My children's education fund remained untouched, and so did my sanity.
The experience taught me more than the value of digital security. I now lock my phone as if it contains the Crown Jewels. Most importantly, I know that heroes do not necessarily wear capes. They go about with newsprint coffee-stained and hand you hope when you most need it.
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