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Search - "retrospective"
Inspired by @h3ll, this is a combination of current and former coworkers:
This guy has the social skills of a microwaved dog turd. He is a genius, but working with him is about as uncomfortable as sticking a grill skewer in your eye and twisting it repeatedly until close of business. He laughs at inappropriate times, and every time he does, an unborn child tears its own ears off. He explains things in a way that only himself and Satan understand, then talks to you like you're a child when you don't follow his logic. He is the guy you hide when the CEO is around. His code is immaculate.
This bowl of bile is the son of a bitch that takes credit for everybody else's work. When you do something good, he was miraculously involved, but when you mess up, this twat is the dicknose that brings it up in retrospective and calls you out by name to the boss. You can usually find these guys talking shit about the CTO, until the boss quits. Then they buddy up with the CTO and become a Joel Osteen-esque evangelist for everything the CTO wants in a shitty, underhanded attempt to climb the ladder. Fuck this guy.
This coworker used to teach Computer Science classes. Their resume is amazing, and they can speak to the most complex of design principles. This is the shitstain that you hire because of their skill and knowledge only to find out that ol' fuckwaffle can't apply the shit they spout to save their wretched lives. You'll spend more time listening to fuckwaffle lecture than you will reviewing their code (because they cant fucking write any!) You know the saying, those who can, do, and those who can't, teach? Yeah, that shit was written for Fuckwaffle.
Last but not least:
This guy isn't even a coder. This guy is worse than the the scum you pour out of the bottom of a slow-cooker that you forgot to wash last time you made chicken. He's a non-technical PM. You know the type, right? He usually says "cloud infrastructure," "paradigm," "algorithm," "SDLC," etc but has no grasp of any of them. He often opens his dumpster to spout off something like "You can just create a new class for that" while talking about HTML. I won't waste any more breath on Scrumdumb, he already creates enough work for me.4
It's enough. I have to quit my job.
December last year I've started working for a company doing finance. Since it was a serious-sounding field, I tought I'd be better off than with my previous employer. Which was kinda the family-agency where you can do pretty much anything you want without any real concequences, nor structures. I liked it, but the professionalism was missing.
Turns out, they do operate more professionally, but the intern mood and commitment is awful. They all pretty much bash on eachother. And the root cause of this and why it will stay like this is simply the Project Lead.
The plan was that I was positioned as glue between Design/UX and Backend to then make the best Frontend for the situation. Since that is somewhat new and has the most potential to get better. Beside, this is what the customer sees everyday.
After just two months, an retrospective and a hell lot of communication with co-workers, I've decided that there is no other way other than to leave.
I had a weekly productivity of 60h+ (work and private, sometimes up to 80h). I had no problems with that, I was happy to work, but since working in this company, my weekly productivity dropped to 25~30h. Not only can I not work for a whole proper work-week, this time still includes private projects. So in hindsight, I efficiently work less than 20h for my actual job.
The Product lead just wants feature on top of feature, our customers don't want to pay concepts, but also won't give us exact specifications on what they want.
Refactoring is forbidden since we get to many issues/bugs on a daily basis so we won't get time.
An re-design is forbidden because that would mean that all Screens have to be re-designed.
The product should be responsive, but none of the components feel finished on Desktop - don't talk about mobile, it doesn't exist.
The Designer next to me has to make 200+ Screens for Desktop and Mobile JUST so we can change the primary colors for an potential new customer, nothing more. Remember that we don't have responsiveness? Guess what, that should be purposely included on the Designs (and it looks awful).
I may hate PHP, but I can still work with it. But not here, this is worse then any ecommerce. I have to fix legacy backend code that has no test coverage. But I haven't touched php for 4 years, letalone wrote sql (I hate it). There should be no reason whatsoever to let me do this kind of work, as FRONTEND ARCHITECT.
After an (short) analysis of the Frontend, I conclude that it is required to be rewritten to 90%. There have been no performance checks for the Client/UI, therefor not only the components behave badly, but the whole system is slow as FUCK! Back in my days I wrote jQuery, but even that shit was faster than the architecuture of this React Multi-instance app. Nothing is shared, most of the AppState correlate to other instances.
The Backend. Oh boy. Not only do we use an shitty outated open-source project with tons of XSS possibillities as base, no we clone that shit and COPY OUR SOURCES ON TOP. But since these people also don't want to write SQL, they tought using Symfony as base on top of the base would be an good idea.
Generally speaking (and done right), this is true. but not then there will be no time and not properly checked. As I said I'm working on Legacy code. And the more I look into it, the more Bugs I find. Nothing too bad, but it's still a bad sign why the webservices are buggy in general. And therefor, the buggyness has to travel into the frontend.
And now the last goodies:
- Composer itself is commited to the repo (the fucking .phar!)
- Deployments never work and every release is done manually
- We commit an "_TRASH" folder
- There is an secret ongoing refactoring in the root of the Project called "_REFACTORING" (right, no branches)
- I cannot test locally, nor have just the Frontend locally connected to the Staging webservices
- I am required to upload my sources I write to an in-house server that get's shared with the other coworkers
- This is the only Linux server here and all of the permissions are fucked up
- We don't have versions, nor builds, we use the current Date as build number, but nothing simple to read, nonono. It's has to be an german Date, with only numbers and has always to end with "00"
- They take security "super serious" but disable the abillity to unlock your device with your fingerprint sensor ON PURPOSE
My brain hurts, maybe I'll post more on this shit fucking cuntfuck company. Sorry to be rude, but this triggers me sooo much!4
So you bypassed the deployment process, fucked up the server, become verbally combative, found a fall guy, then recruit the C-levels to yeet at the fall guy.
Fall guy apologizes for his lack of foresight on the server setup, you act all smug and order him around, and revoke his commit access despite him being part of the deployment process.
You're rarely around for Scrum, you don't participate in the last retrospective meeting, you don't loop in the scrum master and the QA in some emails about tasks, then suddenly put sticky notes in the retrospective chart accusing the team of having poor work ethics?
You have a point in some of your delayed retrospective notes. But honestly you're being passive aggressive and you're playing the blame game.
Cut it out bro you're being immature.5
So do you have any co-workers or teammates who horde tasks and don't share knowledge? I hate those kind of people. Everytime I bring it in team's retrospective and that one asshole remains quite during the whole meeting, agrees to everything and continues to horde tasks again in the future. That affects the team performance and causes to form a single point of failure and recovery which is bad when working in a team. Share your experiences.10
Again I ended working for a company where people love to pride themselves because they're 'agile'.
Basically they bought A JIRA license, that's all.
The CTO decides the estimates privately.
He assign the stories.
No idea what's a retrospective.
The sprint ends whenever he wants.
New stories continuosly added to the active sprint.
That's the risk of agile, unchecked power.3
Bad managers, rude clients and annoying colleagues...
A lot of the stories here I read have at least any of the words listed above. My advice to most of you guys is: LEAVE.
And do it NOW.
The thing is, most of the stuff you're complaining about won't change. And you will be stuck there longer than you want to be and/or notice, trust me i've been there.
Especially the rude client part is where I've had lots of experience in, you have to search for a company which will abstract that layer for you. If you're on here most likely you're a developer and not everybody is a team lead. So why the F in hell are you even in conversations about budget and/or are you doing the most of the talking in the retrospective? If your project manager is ANY good he is doing that all for you.
There is so much to choose from (my experience in western countries) so please dont be stuck in a dead end job. Or start freelancing or whatever..8
Just came back from vaccation yesterday. During sprint retrospective today I hear my team was having trouble dealing with the API layer (which was mostly written by me). Suggestion was a session where I sit and explain the application to the team ,which I have no problem with.
One of my teammates asserts that it's written in such a way that "only the person who wrote it can modify it".
Agree to disagree but whatever. This thing goes through code review everytime I push changes to it. If there was a problem I don't know why he's just discovering it 6 months into the project. I assure you there's no rocket surgery going on. The problem is that I have been doing everything on that side of the project and nobody was curious enough to give it a read sometime. In fact I dont think anything needed to change while I was on vacation, they just didn't have me to troubleshoot every problem for them like usual 😤
So it turns out I was interviewing for a senior role, when in fact I'm looking for a junior-mid role.
Two days ago I had a bad feeling creep up on me when the HR interviewer mentioned to me that they were looking to fill a senior role. I should have interjected. Instead, I stupidly asked the recruiter after passing the HR interview. He answered that the company would also take a mid-level developer and he thinks that I have a good chance. In retrospective, I'm not sure on what basis he made the judgement call.
I had the technical interview today and didn't get the job as I expected. But the same recruiter told me that the company said they'd take me for an intermediate role in the future, but I didn't make it for the senior role.
Can I take that as "you're not technically sound enough" put in a nicer way to soften the blow? But by the company or the recruiter? Or would they actually consider me for a mid-level role in the future? Who is lying or not lying?
Steam off my head now. Thanks for reading my rant.
Context: I'm still transitioning from another field and barely had one year of web development experience so far, half of which was from where I just learned to hack stuff together. I'm now going to focus on landing an internship or a junior role, without going through recruiters since I'd be waste of their time.15
Hurray for my new project.. which is not related to my current work in any way but the team that should be doing it is too lame to do it. Yaay!
Actually, now that I think about it, everything I have worked here on so far had a history of "someone tried but got lost". And I am rather sick of this shit. Like, I kinda get it. The way I see people work and the stupid shit I get to read, it's no wonder people keep getting lost. So maybe would you kindly with sugar on top maybe let me fix the shit we have so people stop getting lost? Or.. I dunno, maybe finally we could put writing docs among regular duties? Instead ten fucking meetings for bug fixes and whatnot? And they dont fix anything anyway, they just hide the symptoms there.
I get it why would they if they can just throw it at me. They like the fucking meetings and writing docs is work isnt it. In retrospective that was a masterful move to say Im not joining the bs meetings straight from start. I would have to take on even more crap. Ooof..
I dont really want so much.. either a lot of work that makes sense -or- ok you choose to be vegetative then let me spend MY energy as I choose. I am capable of finding stuff to work on, boy is it not hard around here. Put these pool balls up your own ass..
fuck! Well now I have to do it 😑 another 4 months down the toiler
I fucking hate 1 week sprints that include review, planning, and retrospective, so technically the sprint is 4 days.1
When the monthly scrum retrospective reaches the 90 minute mark...
You know when people are being stress tested and they break by getting up, run around screaming and ultimately knock themselves unconscious by running into a wall?
That. I felt like doing that.
I swear someone activates some sort of gravity well when these meetings begin because time beings to stretch on and o........n....... while they meetings happen.
I began to list things I think I'd rather be doing than be in that meeting.
1) Tax returns.
2) Prostate exam (not old enough to need one yet but at least I'd be out the meeting).
3) Visiting the dentist.
4) Assembling IKEA furniture.
5) Watching soccer at least they have the decency to give you a break in the middle and I find sports as engaging as a dog turd on the sidewalk.
So bored was I that I began to notice notches and holes in the ceiling tiles and when I remarked upon them others became engrossed in them and began to speculate upon their origins.
I don't know who a speaker is, what department they are from, what product they're working on or what's so important about the algorithm they're working on. There is no context, no explanation and half way through a show and tell I had to check we were still in a show and tell.
I was bored shitless. I actually felt physical pain from boredom, I've not felt that way since I was a child.
I really, really hate that scrum is implemented in this way.
It left me with only half an hour of coding time left and really it sapped my energy and motivation to the point where I just went home early.
Excuse my language, but:
Fucking bloody cunting waste of time, I've had more productive moments in the restroom. They need to piss off or committed seppuku, ideally both. Dante got it wrong the seventh level of hell is this. I'm usually a very calm and balanced individual but yesterday, yesterday I just... Fuck! Argh! Fuck you meeting, fuck you.
If you are the type that schedules meetings like this:
May a thousand Jabberwockies plague your nightmares and be it that the next seventy seven times you lay with a human shall ye experience bitter failure! I hope Cthulhu himself visits his "enlightenment" upon you and you fear sleep henceforth.
I'm bringing a rubix cube or juggling balls into the next meeting so that I can say at least I learned something and it wasn't time wasted.3
Anyone else here suffering under a tech lead who instead functions as a business analyst and ignores their dev process in favor of stakeholder demands?
Case in point: our tech lead actually said in our latest retrospective (yes, we're running on Agile) that we should align our schedule to business. So wtf are we even doing Agile sprints for effs sake (this we did not say for fear of losing our jobs)
We do our retrospective meetings after deployment Monday mornings (thank God, finally!) after every sprint.
We keep our retrospective meeting notes in a chart of sticky notes on a whiteboard so we can remember our fuckups and be accountable for them for the next sprint onwards.
Not everyone was present for the last retrospective meeting. Our product owner/db admin sure wasn't. But just awhile ago he wrote some sticky notes to add to the "What went Wrong" section of the retrospective meeting chart; some of which are rather inflammatory to some, such as "lack of accountability," "no sense of urgency," "does not follow schedule," "does not follow decisions," etc. Nobody noticed his notes until just this afternoon when he wasn't around.
So I reported this to the scrum master, asking if adding to the retrospective chart outside retrospective meetings was even allowed.
As far as my experience and my scrum maser's experience is concerned, you can't do that to a retrospective. You are not allowed to add anything to the last retrospective. You need to wait for the next one, where everyone is present.
But I wonder: I really don't know for sure if what the product owner did was against the retrospective process. To me it sure looks as if he is taking it all personally against the back-end dev, whom he had an altercation last week over a deployment mess-up.
Is it really okay to sneak up notes like that?4
I cant with this company any longer.
Most of it is crap but this is too much
Retrospective meeting after 2weeks sprint.
Sprint board for the meeting, in the not good section1
When you start a new job and you inherit a steaming pile of shit that NEEDS to integrate with a completely separate application but after repeatedly telling your manager his requests aren’t possible, he denies it and says it is possible.
Some context. They have an old application written in MVC. They want a new application written in react. They want all the old functionality to integrate with the new functionality. I don’t just mean render different views based on the route, I mean they want both applications to integrate seamlessly to create a new application. Not to mention this new application is completely different to the old one and has requirements that aren’t even compatible with the old application.
Also. I got into trouble today for completing the sprint in 2 days and starting on user stories (that were in the sprint, not the backlog). Apparently we’re not allowed to showcase the product until the sprint ends and we go through our retrospective/demo. LMAOOOO
RAT. HOLE. FUCK.
The retrospective is not the time to develop features and designs. We have burnt 45 minutes of an already ludicrously long retro ( 3 hours ).
Too much coffee + this horse fucking shit is geeking me out.
So my team (read: not the team at all) has decided that we are going to scrum. Someone ease tell me it's not as fucking tedious as it sounds. Sounds like it's just more meetings. Especially on this team which is actually already pretty agile. And the way our "certified scrum master" describes the retrospective sounds like it was designed by the type of shitlord PM that forces everyone to wear ugly t-shirts to the mandatory company barbecue for "team building". Please tell me he's just a terrible salesman.7
I find it hard to be retrospective of the last year, work has been at times good but stressful, others tedious and frustrating. This year was an improvement over the last but everything good that I try to write about has some elements of frustration. My social life has also been somewhat stifled as I'm working at a company in a small town with very few people my age. I don't know how long I'll continue to be here.
The best experience of the year I guess is having my idea be viewed as a significant improvement over an existing piece of intellectual property, even if someone else is trying their damndest to take credit for it.
The worst is other people's ego's getting in the way. I've had people be rude, dismissive and belittling. Then when I argue my case if I am shown to be right I get a "well you learn something new every day" if I'm lucky.
- Eclipse (especially when plugged in with any SCM, excluding Che)
- RichFaces / PrimeFaces (from the pre SPA era)
- WebLogic (how many times do you need to be restarted in a day? )
- SOAP (not a dev technology, but even as a protocol. Thank You Microsoft !!!)
- Struts (what were you doing at the same time as Spring ??? )
- GWT (how did this even find its place inside Google? )
Need more time a deeper retrospective of each dev tech I've come across :(
Impediment to the agile process at my job: systems not understanding what review and retrospective is for. I mean I don't know what it's for, but it probably isn't for yelling about how testing is conducted and why it's hard. I would assume that's for the planning meeting. Not to mention apparently they still don't know the fucking schedule. Since they seem to think I'm done with a task, even though I don't have, like, the data I need to integrate with and it's on the schedule that I won't get the data til, like, the end of the month.
So I was reading Scrum for my exam all I can see was Meeting.
Product backlog meeting for 15 mins;
Enters to the office 5 mins meeting;
Sprint review meeting for 10mins;
Daily scrum 2 times meetings;
Sprint planning 3 hours of meeting;
Starting the next Sprint 30mins meetings;
Managing releases 45 min meeting;
Sprint Retrospective 45 mins of meeting;
Wtf? Do they do any work there?4
At the end of the sprint half of the stories didn't get done due to lack of coordination to put 4 people in the same room and get them to agree on the solution.
During Retro my Scrum Master says: Are these stories not done because we haven't estimated them during sprint planning? 😂
When your SCRUM Master cancels the sprint retro because he knows all hell is about to break loose.2
Retrospective does not seem to work in practice as it does in theory.
Complain about what went wrong and what went right. Then at the next one, those issues still exist.
I might as well just have written in a diary to air my frustrations
In retrospective, I believe everyone else find me one of the most annoying coworkers they ever had.
Sitting all the way back there, all alone, doing that "black magic"-shit that's called the Internet and none of us understand. The Internet is a fad that will pass, just you wait and see. How come he gets paid at all? Why doesn't the managers change his job description so he can do a proper job, like help out in the dinosaur business we're all so dedicated to. And if I try to suggest a new task for him - why does he always answer with question after question? Why do I have to explain? Why can't he just understand what I'm thinking? Screw him! I hate him.1
So at the end of our sprint retrospective we (me and one other dev) apologize to the project owner for the fact that QA had to happen on dev for a few days because the database changes were not properly applied by the DBA. It was a one time thing, a little weird but not a big deal.
A few hours later we get a call from a new DBA saying that the project owner said that we wanted the old DBA off our project. So now we sound like assholes ruining a guy's self confidence and made working with him awkward as hell.
Thanks, project owner.
Thought it had been a while since my last Arch redo. Now the fsck output is hundreds of pages long and I'm grateful for my backups, and all suspiciously occuring just seconds after a full upgrade. I guess hardware failure is a possibility, but the smart status on the drive says it's perfect and dozens of retrospective self tests didn't reveal any issues. RAM passed multiple tests as well. Oh well, not like I haven't reinstalled before.
Co-workers who are totally independent and the only time we talk about work was during retrospective session.