As a Front-End Dev, sometime it look like that ahahaha.

Credit: toggl Goon Squad (Picture)

I am a software engineer and my cousin is a Geek Squad employee for the local Best Buy. And he thinks we do the same thing.

My rubber duck squad

Working at best buy (don't remember if I was geek squad yet or not).
"hi sir, that line hasn't moved in a while, I was headed up to help, but let me ring you up here so you can get on with your day."
"thanks!"
...random talking leads to graduation and what's next...
"my friend works at *company* and seems to really like it. I gave him my resume when he asked, but i guess is boss can't hire anymore people or something, so I'm applying other places. It's been about a year."
"oh. Hi. I'm boss. Send resume again"

DevRant squad!!!1!1
@Alice aka Madame Pink
@AlexDeLarge aka Swearer Supreme
@linuxxx aka Privacy Knight
@jase aka Master of Clones

If i missed someone just tell me

Never thought I will be hired by Chinese software/hardware company located in NYC to code in languages I don't know so well. Instead of lying and saying I know everything about C, PHP and SQL, I said that I suck pretty much at everything, but I'm a quick learner and will study day and night to catch up with their practices. Now I see they have no regret about me, but I still suspect them in hiring me because there is another guy who is Russian too and we all communicate well. Our current squad is 17 Chinese, 2 Russians, 1 Americans. Guess what, I learn Mandarin quicker than PHP. Sometimes a small lie is OK, but sometimes honesty is better.

Admin Access

Have you ever been in a position where you become the de-facto person who works with a certain tool, but are denied full admin access to that tool for no real reason?

Two years ago I was put on the Observability squad and quickly discovered it was my thing, implementing tracking and running queries on this third-party tool, building custom stuff to monitor our client-side successes and failures.

About a year ago I hit the point where if you asked anyone "Who is the go-to person for help/questions/queries/etc. for this tool", the answer was just me lol. It was nice to have that solid and clear role, but a year later, that's still the case, and I'm still not an admin on this platform. I've asked, in an extremely professional way armed with some pretty good reasons, but every time I'm given some lame non-answer that amounts to No.

As far as I'm aware, I'm the only dev on our team at all who uses custom/beta features on this site, but every time I want to use them I have to go find an admin and ask for an individual permission. Every time. At the end of 2020 it was happening once a month and it was so demoralizing hitting up people who never even log into this site to ask them to go out of their way to give me a new single permission.

People reach out to me frequently to request things I don't have the permissions to do, assuming I'm one of the 64 admins, but I have to DM someone else to actually do the thing.

At this point it feels very much like having to tug on the sleeve of a person taller than me to get what I need, and I'm out of ways to convince myself this isn't demoralizing. I know this is a pretty common thing in large companies, meaningless permissions protocols, and maybe it's because I came from IT originally that it's especially irritating. In IT you have admin access to everything and somehow nobody gets hurt lol-- It still blows my mind that software devs who make significantly more money and are considered "higher up" the chain (which i think is dumb btw) are given less trust when it comes to permissions.

Has anyone figured out a trick that works to convince someone to grant you access when you're getting stonewalled? Or maybe a story of this happening to you to distract me from my frustration?

When you gotta refer docs, write code and Test mulitplayer........you need the squad!

Working on implementig mulitplayer for my game!

If you ever feel like you won't achieve anything in your developer career just remember that Suicide Squad won an Oscar.

As we're all going about our various Easter, Passover, et al., family celebrations, I have the perfect solution to help train your families to stop asking you for help with mundane computer stuff:
Every time someone asks you to do/fix something, give them a full talk about what is going on in their computer around that system.
Don't forget you can talk about lots of things too:
- concurrency
- TCP IP / socket networking
- multi-threaded programs vs. single threads
- RISC vs. CISC processors
- Why linux is better than Windows or Mac
- algorithms
- logarithmic runtime
- teach them how to convert between hex, binary, and base ten
Really pour it on too. Soon they'll either figure out that you are a highly-skilled individual who is not their personal geek squad, or they'll be too afraid of a big lecture to ask for help.
Works with my in-laws like a charm.

When your Tesla’s battery fails, because they cut costs, you are hit with a high-pressure, thick stream of chemical hellfire spanning your entire car’s interior space. It will burn you to a crisp in 30 seconds. Because of all those “aUtOmAtIoNs”, door-opening mechanism will also fail. There is no way you’ll get out.

After 30 seconds, there will be no one left to rescue. After two minutes, there will be nothing left to bury.

There is no way a fire squad could extinguish this. That’s a battery fire. If you remember your chem class, you know lithium burns violently underwater.

You’re gonna die. Elon won’t be responsible, as usual. No one will face any consequences.

But damn, what’s an epic bacon hyperloop tech way to go out, isn't it.

I shall single handedly increase the market price of freelance labor by going full on suicide squad.

December debugging squad...

My friends have a group on telegram named geek squad but they haven't add me cause apparently I'm not geek enough:/
It hurt my feelings:/
But screw them I'll be a geek on my own time.

Telling my kids this was suicide squad

Squad goals happening on my new PC :)

Engineering Director thinks it would be best to have the developers in all the major regions of the world.... that is, the developers in the same squad..... someone in USA, someone in Western Europe, someone on Asia, etc.. ......so there is always someone to talk to customers....

(why do we have a flipping product owner then?!)

......oh hell, the stand-up is going to be interesting... when do we do sprint planning?! ...what about the retro??

Just saw an accident and 1 of the vehicles is a Geek Squad van. Someone's PC is not getting connected today.

So what's up with @chaosesqueteam ? Are his posts really THAT good (look at their updoots), or does he own a bot squad in dR? To me personally his posts do not make any sense (at least the recent ones)

What do we do about it?

Epic code fight broke out today when one developer fronted himself for leader due to having beat all the metrics by a factor of ten. Claimed he could replace the entire department based on LOC alone.

Another developer told him to fucking zip it.

After almost coming to blows someone managed to explain to him that he had to put his code into a compressed archive.

As it compressed to ten times smaller than the next smallest contribution he declared victory because his compressed better. Another developer joked better call bomb squad.

Currently a lower manager (I lead a team but I report to a handful of uppers). In my line of work the holiday season means more work instead of vacation. My team consists of 4 other guys, 2 of which aren't worth their weight in shit, 1 guy who's leaving for the military soon, and 1 guy who's just okay. The first 2 are about to be fired for any number of reasons, and there's no plans to hire anyone else. The lady in charge of hiring is incompetent; should've been hiring anyways for the past several months and hasn't (not due to a lack of applicants either).

I consider myself the hardest worker of the team, and one of the best in the whole place. Well, instead of being rewarded with even so much as a peptalk, my superiors have seen fit to tell me that I'm not doing enough. Like holy shit really? Are they taking credit for my work or are they just retarded? Track record at this place isn't all that great to begin with. I'm not in a position to leave as I need the money to put myself through college, but I'm thinking about hopping on the minimum effort squad at this point.

As much as I hate the army and what it represents, I do often wish managers served as squad leaders or officers to at least learn the basics:
- Your job is to protects your people and care for them
- All your people are equal, you do not show preferential treatment
- You are a role model, you do not badmouth a soldier in front of others

Honestly I have/hear so many bad experiences and simply can't wrap my head around having managers out there that don't understand these basic rules..

So where's the clojure squad at?

How was your day?

Mine wasn't bad. Seems like the project I am working on gets on track, I mean my team (squad) is able to do good things, I really like all the people I have on board. We all are in the same miserable but sometimes funny world.

Shit happens all the time, but at least there are other people we can share the shit with.

Here's the changes I propose to the world:
– Every grave should display the formal death cause. Like "asphyxia", "cardiac arrest", etc, not like "was shot dead".
– Every member of a firing squad that performs an execution should have real ammo. There should be no moral escape such as "at least I could be the one with fake ammo so I'm not guilty". Yes you are.
– The word "disk" is deprecated and replaced with "disc" everywhere.

Everything else in this world is fine.

I have a random question:

What values do you guys live with?

And how can I make sure I live my life with highest possible values?

The squad here is most raw and honest. I have seen you folks stick to what you believe in and stand up against the evil even if costs you or makes you sacrifice somethings.

Really want to be a better human and seems like my next phase of life would be dedicated to this.

I have fucking HATED Windows 10 from day one. Now I'm hearing there are new vacillations of this genius programming train wreck that I think is designed to force monetize Microsoft's business model.
After a short while I managed to get to a point where I can maintain W 7. In fact, I'm using my old computer right now. Because I could not get this rant to load onto Devrant website. If you are reading this we know that it is because 10 sucks consistently.
I save my files onto a backup hard drive so I can find 'paper file' type solution for whatever random crap might block me at the keyboard. In fact, I still use paper and file cabinets so "technology" doesn't bring me to a screeching halt every time something like "no record of that account" or "wrong password".
Why the hell does my PASSWORD work from W7 but not from W10?! And it's getting WORSE by the day! I'm about to take a fucking hammer to my new fucking computer. And to that guy who smarmy says something to the effect of 'don't be such a pussy... just fix it and you will be happy.' Well. Fuck you too!
Now. That being said. Anybody have a suggestion on what to try next? And don't say something like, 'take your computer to Micro Center or Geek Squad'. I've done those guys twice each. And for a small phenomenal fee they have each time made things slightly worse plus lost parts of my saved data each time.
Oh. And "reset to previous" doesn't work either.
Suggestions?
Probably better at this point to attempt to solve my own problems wrong for free at this point. Maybe I'll learn to program in Linux or some such thing.
Forrest
for suggestions please contact me at
res0naza@yahoo

so my friend and I are canvassing NLEs for our guys at the Post Production squad in our project (we were in charge in infrastructure). We looked at Premiere since it's kinda ok until we found Black Magic Design's Da Vinci Resolve.

First of all, I was suprised with the price. 299 for the Studio Version? Holy fuck, that's cheap as hell! Then there's a free as in free software version which has the core editing features with 1080p rendering. So we grabbed that and kinda suprised it requires postgres but as seeing Resolve having collab and render queues, it makes sense.

Installed them on the PCs the postprods gonna use, they were amazed. We literally saved 500 bucks for an NLE. When they asked how much is it. Our reply was:

"That's free".

and there was silence...

"And it's also 299 bucks for the cooler version".

And silence still ensued.

Guess our guys wasted alot of money on a pipeline that is cheap as hell but more jam-packed than any other NLE found in the market.

Props to you BlackMagic Design.

Been working on an issue for the past 3 days. For a gamer, I didn't even start Steam even once. Now, after so much frustration, barely any sleep and too many mindfucks, I finally figured it out and commit my code. Now I can watch Suicide Squad in peace. :')

I'm a dev lead. I'm trying to consolidate a squad. There's a senior in it preaching the dream of career climbing and LinkedIn optimization.

Now all interns want to switch squads. I'm all for personal growth... but now everyone wants to be everything at once and productivity stalled. The job descriptions for our squad were perfectly clear, there's tons of different tech stacks... We can build a lot of cool things in this scope, and now no one can see them because Data Science or Data Engineering or Front-end is suddenly sparkling.

I'm tired.

do you have a CV driven software engineer(s) in your team/squad?
if yes, how do you deal with their dramatic changes in codebase every quarter?

All hail rant squad!

(Sorry In out of rants, being on vacation from work for the past 2 weeks. And one month remaining. 😁😁)

Starting a project in work learning some new tech. After a brief introduction to the tech, the lead dev can't wait to tell us about how we need to coordinate our daily standups with another team in a different part of the world.
Honestly, I'd rather stand up in front of a firing squad.

everybody ancap till amazon death squad shows up

How can you know my mood? Check my git commands. Am I using `git push -u origin SQUAD-feature-branch --force-with-lease` or `git push -f`?

Trying to get few things out of my chest.

Nothing is more frustrating than to make use of a bloated base code. Though it gets the job done, trying to fix bug-bombs planted by other developers is nerve wrecking and makes me feel like a member of bomb-squad. Damn!!

Also,
To the SUV guy who took a sudden left to dodge the pit, you startled me and I am sorry to have flicked my finger at you. I honestly didn't notice you had your family in car, heat of the moment made me do it. 3 weeks gone, still unable to get over it. Forgive mee!!

Just migrated a behemoth of a wordpress installation and it works twice as fast on our shared hosting than the previous dedicated server with cdn it was on.

After just 2 emails from the previous website admin i understood why... The guy clearly has no idea what he is doing.

There should be an IT police squad for cases like these.

When you do some group programming and let yourself get led wasting an entire day into writing 6 out of ~12 tedious higher level unit tests with lots of data setup and jerry rigging, that turn out to not even test the code changes you made on a ticket that another team is depending on.

But thank you to your tech lead for helping rope you out of that stupid shit with knowledge and clout.

Unfortunately the ticket has your name on it and everybody except the goon squad probably thinks you're a retard for going down that adventure (which was not your idea or desire).

I need to learn how to articulate no this isn't worth it, the complicated monolith software architecture with many different moving parts, among many other things.

VICTIMIZED BY CRYPTO SCAM: RECOVER YOUR LOST FUNDS WITH TRUST GEEKS HACK EXPERT

The glow of RGB lights still haunts me. There I was, mid-stream, hyping up a Fortnite squad when an email pretending to be a sponsorship opportunity with the subject line "ENERGY DRINK COLLAB!!! *" appeared on my second monitor. I clicked— big mistake. By the time my chat spammed "*SCAM ALERT" in neon caps, a trojan had already ghosted my Bitcoin wallet, $320,000 gone, poof, like a noob disconnecting mid-game. My facecam caught the exact moment my soul left my body: jaw open, headset tilted, the background of anime posters judging me silently. The VOD blew up. Of course, it did.
Pandemonium erupted. Donation alerts became panic emojis. My mods DM'd links to "HOW TO FIX CRYPTO THEFT" amidst banning trolls. My wallet? A barren wasteland. My DMs? A cemetery of "*F"s and crypto-bros pitching recovery scams. Then, a lifeline—a chatter named *xX_Cryptosolution_69 typed, "TRUST GEEKS HACK EXPERT. THEY CLAPPED A HACKER FOR MY DOGE ONCE." Desperate, I Googled them mid-stream, muting to scream into a pillow.
TRUST GEEKS HACK EXPERT team responded like NPCs scripted for heroics. “Send us the malware file,” they said. “**And your wallet logs. We’ll handle the rest.” For 12 days, they reverse-engineered the trojan, dissecting its code like speed runners cracking a glitch. The virus, it turned out, was a knockoff ransomware dubbed “Crypto rush” (its dev had left a “HACK THE PLANET!!” Easter egg in the code, cringe). TRUST GEEKS HACK EXPERT squad traced its path, resurrecting private keys from registry fragments and backup clouds I’d forgotten existed. The return stream was record-breaking. I rebooted my rig, wallet restored, and titled the stream "HOW I UNBRICKED $320K (AND MY CAREER)." Chatters donated Bitcoin out of solidarity, and schadenfreude. Even my rival streamer, DrL33tGamer, raided me with 10k viewers. TRUST GEEKS HACK EXPERT? They viewed anonymously and left a sub with the message: "GG EZ.
These internet Gandalfs didn't just fix a hack—they authored the greatest plot twist in my online existence. Now, my new website, Stream Vault, runs on a server guarded like Fort Knox, and I vet sponsors like the CIA. That fake energy drink company? Its domain now points to a Rickroll.
If your crypto gets pawned by a script kiddie, skip the rage quit. Ping the TRUST GEEKS. They're the ultimate cheat code for catastrophe. Just maybe have a malware scanner in closer proximity than your energy drinks next time.

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RECLAIMING YOUR LOST BITCOIN-VISIT RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY ADVANCE STRATEGIES

The glow of RGB lights still haunts me. There I was, mid-stream, hyping up a Fortnite squad when an email pretending to be a sponsorship opportunity with the subject line "ENERGY DRINK COLLAB!!! *" appeared on my second monitor. I clicked. Big mistake. By the time my chat spammed "*SCAM ALERT" in neon caps, a trojan had already ghosted my Bitcoin wallet, $320,000 gone, poof, like a noob disconnecting mid-game. My facecam caught the exact moment my soul left my body: jaw open, headset tilted, background of anime posters judging me silently. The VOD blew up. Of course it did...Email: rapid digital recovery (@) execs. com
Pandemonium erupted. Donation alerts became panic emojis. My mods DM'd links to "HOW TO FIX CRYPTO THEFT" amidst banning trolls. My wallet? A barren wasteland. My DMs? A cemetery of "*F"s and crypto-bros pitching recovery scams. Then, a lifeline—a chatter named *xX_CryptoNinja_69 typed, "RAPID DIGITAL RECOVERY. THEY CLAPPED A HACKER FOR MY DOGE ONCE." Desperate, I Googled them mid-stream, muting to scream into a pillow...Whatsapp: +1 4 14 80 71 4 85.
Rapid Digital Recovery’s team responded like NPCs scripted for heroics. “Send us the malware file,” they said. “**And your wallet logs. We’ll handle the rest.” For 12 days, they reverse-engineered the trojan, dissecting its code like speedrunners cracking a glitch. The virus, it turned out, was a knockoff ransomware dubbed “CryptoKrush” (its dev had left a “HACK THE PLANET!!” Easter egg in the code, cringe). Rapid Digital Recovery’s squad traced its path, resurrecting private keys from registry fragments and backup clouds I’d forgotten existed. The return stream was record-breaking. I rebooted my rig, wallet restored, and titled the stream "HOW I UNBRICKED $320K (AND MY CAREER)." Chatters donated Bitcoin out of solidarity, and schadenfreude. Even my rival streamer, DrL33tGamer, raided me with 10k viewers. Rapid Digital Recovery? They viewed anonymously and left a sub with the message: "GG EZ.
These internet Gandalf's didn't just fix a hack—they authored the greatest plot twist in my online existence. Now, my new website, Stream Vault, runs on a server guarded like Fort Knox, and I vet sponsors like the CIA. That fake energy drink company? Its domain now points to a Rickroll....Telegram: h t t p s: // t. me /Rapiddigitalrecovery1
If your crypto gets pawned by a script kiddie, skip the rage quit. Ping Rapid Digital Recovery. They're the ultimate cheat code for catastrophe. Just maybe have a malware scanner in closer proximity than your energy drinks next time.

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We understand that renovating your kitchen or bathroom is a significant investment. That’s why we offer transparent pricing with no hidden fees. Our detailed quotes outline the costs of the entire project, giving you peace of mind throughout the renovation process. We work hard to provide competitive rates while ensuring that our work is of the highest quality.

So there's this place I go to when I sleep sometimes. I call it "The Circus", though it's more like the arcane sanctuary from Diablo II, if the arcane sanctuary was a hip arthouse and shit. Weird place, but I have friends there, they're like oneiric amalgamations of people I know, we all hang out at the Circus from time to time.

Now, each one has their own really bizarre power. One of the girls, for instance, bites off the head of a pidgeon and that heals her and makes her stronger. Think Ozzy Osbourne, but it's actually cutie goth Popeye. Also she's perpetually drunk for some reason.

Anyway, after having a brief reunion at this ornate round table we just happen to have laying around in the kitchen, we go out to hunt. That's the thing we do, we hunt for magical artifacts, and there's these demon gnomes all around trying to fuck us up. They suck, so we fight them with our powers and kung fu, that kinda vibe.

So it was a good hunt, right, but we have like a scoreboard based on mystical prowess and turns out mine is the lowest. Pidgeon Bitter, who is leading my squad, starts mocking me and says "hehe you have no real powers!" and I'm actually mad about that because it's true, I don't have any, I just fly around and do nothing useful in combat.

Anyway, we then bring the artifacts we collected to fucking Zordon, and he's like well done rangers. Turns out bald motherfucker in a tube doesn't discriminate based on mission score, so good on him. Everybody goes to bed, yeah we have bedrooms at the Circus for some reason, and I can't sleep because of what my captain said.

That's when I do something stupid, I think the dream logic here is I'm having a character arc moment or some shit, doesn't matter -- the point is I embark on a hunt all by myself, and I'm overrun by these fucking demon gnomes. I try to fight them with kung fu and escape with this magic crystal I found, but there's too many of them...

And so my true power finally awakens, and it's a fucking explosion. As in, I become a fire elemental, and in the dream this is good because I just cook all the gnomes alive and make off with the artifact, but I wake up before I can run to Pidgeon Bitter and smear my success in her captivating bloodstained drunk ass face.

My thoughts? Fire magic is two-times lame. One, because I was hoping for thunder, or ice, or something edgy like shadow or whatever. But NO, I got fire. Two, it's lame because it's the most uninventive, straight-forward fucking power in a setting where everything is obtuse, so it's out of place. I just go like really really mad and release an explosive pillar of flame, whoa, so original. Also casting this hurts me for some reason and it destroys everything around me.

And given that I've had other dreams of the Circus where it was obliterated and no-one trusts me anymore, I think it's safe to say those were a flash-forward to next season, and what happens next is I just randomly go into BLIND RAGE mode while taking a shit and everyone but me dies. Just a theory.

What is your Circus power? Let us know in the comments below!