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WHY THE FUCKIDY FUCK DO PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A DEVELOPER THEN YOU CAN DO EVERY FUCKING THING IN A SNAP?!
THIS ENTIRE SUMMER I WORKED FOR THIS MIDGET OF A FUCK AND THE IDEA WAS TO MAINLY DEVELOP AN IOS APP FOR THEIR PRODUCT. THAT ONE APP TRANSLATED TO THREE SEPARATE APPS AND KEEP IN MIND THAT I AM THE ONLY DEVELOPER THEY HAVE SO I HAVE TO DEVELOP IT, TEST IT AND DOCUMENT IT!! AND WHAT'S EVEN WORSE IS HE KEEPS GIVING ME DESIGNS AT THE LAST MINUTE SO I ALWAYS END UP HAVING TO CREATE NEW PROJECTS ALL THE TIME. WHEN A WEEK PASSES BY WITHOUT ANY UPDATE HE AND HIS FUCKED UP BRAIN CELLS GATHER A MEETING WITH HIS 'DONALD TRUMP HANDS-SIZED' BALLS TO ASK ME, 'WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG? THESE ARE JUST THREE BUTTONS ON THIS VIEW?' MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!! GO GET YOUR MOM TO DO THIS WORK THEN IF IT'S JUST THREE BUTTONS. TO HIM EVERYTHING IN IOS WHICH INCORPORATES A TAP IS A FUCKING BUTTON! BUTTON THIS! BUTTON THAT! AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS SIMPLE DESIGNS..NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS ASSHOLE-SHAPED-HEAD MUGGET DESIGNS SHIT WHICH REQUIRES ME TO HAVE TO DRAW A UIVIEW AS THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN BODY AND HEART. THEN ASIDE FROM THAT, JUST BECAUSE MY RESUME SAYS I MINORED IN MATH AND APPLIED MATH, HE SENDS ME A PAPER THAT EXPLAINS MATHEMATICAL CONCEPTS OF DATA ANALYSIS THEN WANTS TO MEET WITH ME TO DISCUSS THE SUGGESTED METHODS THEN IMPLEMENT THEM. AT THIS POINT I HAD ALREADY IMPLEMENTED AN ALGO FOR COUNTING THE NUMBER OF STEPS THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY MORE ACCURATE THAN THE SHIT THEY HAD IN THEIR CONTROLLER..
SO AS I AM ABOUT TO FINISH IMPLEMENTING JUST THE INITIAL 5 VIEWS OF THIS 'FINAL' APP, HE SERIOUSLY WALKS IN AND TELLS ME, SO I'M STARTING TO WORRY THAT WE'LL NOT MEET THE AUGUST DEADLINE SO I'M THINKING MAYBE YOU SHOULD START SWITCHING BETWEEN DEVELOPMENT. WORK ON IOS FOR 4 HOURS THEN SWITCH TO ANDROID FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE TIME. OH AND UHH IF YOU FEEL LIKE TAKING THE IMAC WITH YOU TO WORK FROM HOME, THAT'S FINE AS WELL AND I'LL BE AVAILABLE IN THE WEEKENDS AS WELL. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT I REALLY REALLY HOPED I WERE GAY! LIKE 'NO LUBE' STYLE KINDA GAY!! OH BTW AT SOME POINT HE HAD ME PROGRAM ONE OF THEIR CONTROLLERS, AND WAS ASKING IF I COULD START RESEARCHING MEANS OF WRITING AN SDK FOR THEM.
KEEP IN MIND THAT I'M AN INTERN WITH ONE YEAR IOS DEV EXPERIENCE.. THEN HE WANTS ME TO ENTIRELY START LEARNING ANDROID AND GIVE HIM TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THIRD APP IN TWO WEEKS.
HE CAN GO SUCK HIS OWN DICK WHILE GETTING FINGER FUCKED BY A FORK WITH A BLUE WHALE'S 6FT LONG DICK UP HIS MOUTH.
*** that felt good ****36 -
!rant
Boss: I need to talk to you.
Me: Something wrong?
Boss: No, just need to talk.
(Not sure what to think)
Meet with boss, first thing he does is shake my hand and proceeds to tell me thank you for all the work you or in on the last project. On tomorrow in addition to your paycheck $1K after taxes will be deposited into your account.
#feeling very appreciated5 -
<person>: What do you do?
<me>: I'm a developer.
<person>: What?
<me>: A computer programmer.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I work with computers.
<person>: Ohhh. You work with computers! There is something wrong with mine, will you look at it for me?
<me>: I don't do hardware.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I don't fix computers.
<person>: What?
<me>: **walks away**8 -
Donald Trumph is a remainder that you should just apply for a job you want even if you don't have the experience!!4
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I remember reading shampoo directions as a kid and it feeling wrong to exit the cycle.
1. wet hair
2. apply shampoo
3. lather
4. repeat
I didn't choose development life, it chose me2 -
First broken rule - Publish on Friday
Second broken rule - Delete without backing up
Major screw up - Main folder deleted containing several sites
Major problem - Cannot find anyone on the server team for backups
3 -
Attack problems you've never solved.
Don't fear projects which you're not familiar with the technology.
Read books, blogs, and code.
Refactor every opportunity you have.
Don't always be the smartest developer in the room.
Be flexible. Tools are tools, don't fall in love with any one till and neglect others. -
Why in the name of Donald Knuth did you think it was a good idea to have a 1500 line Java Method? What THE HELL WERE YOU SMOKING THE ENTIRE FILE IS OVER 3000 LINES AND HALF OF THEM ARE COMMENTED OUT!
Don't even get me started on your "unit tests" which is a massive 5000 line behemoth that randomly has massive swaths of code commented out.
And of course no solution like this would be complete with you HARD CODING EVERY F****INIG STRING IN EVERY TIME!
And it's not like you don't know how to use classes as you have several of them, every single one of which is over 500+ lines and consists of only getters and setters. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO A MAP! REALLY WHY WOULD YOU USE 500 LINES FOR A CLASS THAT IS JUST GETTERS AND SETTERS?!
The part that really burns me about all of this though, isn't the fact that you sent it to me when I was running into a similar issue, and said "check this out it should help", what bothers me most isn't the indescribable rage I felt looking at your code, the part that really really really bothers me is that you are a veteran with over 15 years in Java development, and according to the org chart are a lead senior engineer getting paid substantially more than me, whereas I am considered a lowly mid-level developer, who isn't worth promoting to your level.
On the plus side you are now going to be featured on theDailyWTF so congrats on the notoriety.8 -
Feature request for @dfox:
Swiping for rants:
Left = nay, right = yay
Or better:
Match making via rants for devSingles.
Just kidding! I love devRant the way it is. It's the best app. Probably the best of all. It's huge. You'll like it.7 -
I'm always watching my bf face when he successfuly Rubber Duck Debugging. and he always singing and imitating duck sounds. and i wonder and ask him:
Me : "what is your imagination about that duck?"
@wowotek: "I believe vlad(the duck) is nice and have a soothing sound from deep in his heart"
yet i always imagine the duck i am talking to is always mumbling with that annoying Donald the duck Sound and says : "This gurl dumb, Quack"7 -
Some 'ethical hacker' living in my country scanned all domains of attachments in tweets of Donald Trump. He found out that one was expired and bought it for 10$. He then placed a arguingly funny movie at the exact location. Quite funny.
https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump...3 -
bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! To deep in code zone.
[20 mins pass]
bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! Let me finish this.
[30 mins pass]
bladder: I'VE GOT TO PEE
me: NO! In a zone.
[5 mins pass]
bladder: GO! GO! GO!
me: D**n you bladder.
I hate this game. I lose every time.7 -
My mom is scrolling through the news portal, her 2yo grandson is sitting on her lap, watching the screen. Suddenly she scrolls to a Trump's picture. Kiddo raises his hand, points his finger to the pic and says:
"Quack!"
even toddlers are making fun out of him...17 -
About the Huawei not being allowed in Play Store. Just remember that Xiaomi was shipping devices without Google services installed, but it had the single click "Install Google Play Services" app.
Anyway, can I send a bill for my dad's phone to Donald Trump?16 -
I just broke 2 phones in two days... believe it or not... Both screens cracked and no swipe functionality survived...
I miss my fucking Nokia Lumia 930... that motherfucker was almost fully destroyed, screen cracked as shit, I could actually hold the screen on one hand and the rest of the phone on the other and it was still fucking working...
Needless to say, I'm going to Amazon and I'm getting a new Nokia phone, fuck LG, fuck Sony.2 -
Web form request.
Client: Can we have an Excel workbook with a form? Download it. Fill it out? Then upload the workbook.
This was his suggestion. The workbook would be potentially updated by over 5000 users.
WTH!!!!!!2 -
My one coworker wont gtfo his phone. I often go into the bathroom to see him using the urinal looking at his cellphone off to the side... also always uses his phone in meetings even with important stakeholders present. Dude needs to fucking disconnect
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Sitting in a board room with about 20 people all who have flown in from different parts of the world to discuss the project plan for a web app with an international user base.
We are discussing a web form with a dynamic layout based upon the users profile. Users enters a ton of information, calculations, are made, and info in stored into a db. Info can be updated and will be reported upon later.
One of the project leads representing Europe suggest that the form be exported into Excel so that the user can fill it out in Excel only to be imported via the application. WTH!!!! Later I found out this was that leads 2nd week with the company. Why were you even at the meeting and why did you have input?3 -
Hey guys, does someone knows if Twitter colludes with other websites and/or services to collect data, because I thought that privacy-wise, Twitter wasn’t as bad as Facebook as I just use Twitter to follow youtubers and Donald Trump(to keep up with his craziness) and never post anything. But I just got a Python Machine Learning ad just. And it’s spooky because I’m currently (trying to be) learning Deep Learning and Google knows it (🤬🤬 you udemy ads) but Twitter!!?? Do they have a way to link my account??
6 -
- Pigs flying
- Rats singing opera
- Donald Tump not being a bigot
- Our remote office staff having a clue
... all things I have accepted that are impossible4 -
People think that computer science is the art of geniuses but the actual reality is the opposite, just many people doing things that build on each other, like a wall of mini stones.
Donald Knuth2 -
a first time project owner sets up weekly requirements meetings for a new project. everyone has input, but the project owner. 4 months into building the application to the requirements gathered, the project owner says, that's not at all what I want. 4 months wasted3
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! RANT
Yesterday I went to pool campus recruitment drive and there were 3 rounds
1. Written aptitude test
2. Group Discussion
3. F2F interview
Cleared first round and got selected for second round out of like 80 students. (15-18 got selected)
Went to group discussion first topic was "Donald Trump Administration is threat to IT for Indian or not" and the all were saying he stopped giving visa to Indians, there is no opportunity for us there because of him and I was like wtf... And they think because of Trump, Indian people from Infosys got kicked out hahahaha wtf is this.
Second was how AI and Digitalization can help in growth of nation.
And again those girls hahahah one girl said by using AI we can make new technology and can explore galaxies. What the fathafucking fuck!!
And YES THEY GOT SELECTED.
(Whole HR team was non technical)5 -
@dfox Feature Requests:
- A layout where the feed is centered, kind of like Twitter.
- A back button integrated into the site so I don't have to click the browsers back button when I want to go back to the feed from the single rant view.
- Username suggestions when typing the @ symbol.2 -
Probably not the worst, but recently i was doing a demo for a feature to the director of our department.... and there was data corruption in the datastore and the feature would only show a 500 page as a result :/. A different team pushed some bad data right before my demo and borked the environment.2
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Our associate program manager is currently giggling at her desk on facebook and we have a meeting in 5 minutes. A senior dev finally gotup and went to setup the meeting room... triggers the shit out of me when producers / program management dont setup meetings that they scheduled.1
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A bad dev habit I should unlearn?
How about being too stubborn to take an idea out back and put it out of it's misery. You know what I'm talking about. Got some elegant idea in your head, it looks so pretty and masterful. You begin to implement it but straight away, things start looking pretty fucking ugly. You persist though, and persist.
Sooner or later that pretty idea looks like Donald and Hillary decided to spawn a love child. You close your eyes and grit your teeth, unwilling to put the abomination out of it's misery.
You stop and finally open your eyes to look at what you've done. A hideous beast with Gary Johnson's nose, Bernie's voice. Donald's hair, and Hillary's lips stares back at you. Yeah. Now you've wasted hours upon hours and only have a mistake worse than the 2016 American Presidential Election to speak for it.2 -
When you are working late, is there a role on your team who grabs you dinner / does other odd jobs?
We used to have a producer job role, but those employees had their title changed to program manager at one point, and since the switch there really isnt a role whos obligations include grabbing dinner for the team on late nights and doing other odd jobs / tasks. How does your org handle this? Are you "entitled" to dinner if you stay late, or do you figure that out on your own?
Quick disclaimer: I kind of feel spoiled / ridiculous for expecting someone to grab me dinner, but if i'm working 12+ hours and I have to leave to get dinner, i might aswell just go home as my concentration is going to be broken and im sure the business would rather my butt in its seat coding.5 -
On my list:
* John Romero (id Software)
* Yukihiro Matsumoto (Ruby programming language)
* Donald Knuth (LaTeX)
* Gosuke Myashita (serverspec)
* Johan de Wit (puppet guru and my personal sensei that taught me a lot of things and also a good friend I cherish)2 -
Paraphrased wise words from lecture by the one and only Donald Knuth:
If you want to learn something new, don't try to learn by explaining it to another human. Make a computer do it instead because then you'll have to truly understand how something works for all cases.1 -
Abraham Lincoln showed how one can rule. John Kennedy showed how one should rule. George Bush showed that every idiot can rule. Donald Trump showed that not every idiot can rule.22
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So, I have never been a big fan of Oracle, for many reasons.
I did not think I would see their executive meeting with Donald Trump to try to take advantage of his comments about their competitors. Comments and attacks which the leader of the country is using to distract from himself.
Business is business, so more power to you. Be as greasy as you want Oracle, but man that's...
Pretty Greasy
https://marketwatch.com/story/... -
!dev
to;dr: fuck American mainstream media and all the lies.
I'm am so fucking fed up with American mainstream media. they constantly spew fucking blatant lies or disingenuous, misleading bullshit, and basically cover up anything that "doesn't fit the narrative".
it's like they think we're all idiots.
In South Africa, privately owned farmland is being confiscated from whites, as far as I can tell, because they're white. it's basically not being talked about in mainstream media because they're white. if it were any other race, I'm sure it would be all over the media.
"Violence again women in videogames must stop". uhhh, most videogames I've played, the violence is against about 99.9% male/0.1% females.... so....
"Donald Trump is a fascist". now I'm not saying one way or another whether I support Donald Trump or not, no opinions here just facts: Donald Trump is, at the very least, right-leaning, and fascism is a FAR LEFT IDEOLOGY. saying Donald Trump is a fascist is completely baseless and just a completely retarded claim.
literally calling for socialism.... do I even need to comment? have you ever read a history book?
countless other examples can easily be found if you look at any independent moderate to slightly right-leaning news source, podcast, etc.
I've had enough of the fucking blatant dishonesty of the mainstream media, whether it's flat out lies, or being disingenuous, or misleading, or not covering huge stories because they don't meet the narrative.4 -
Got my first computer, Commodore 64, when I was 9. My first thought and only agenda, how can I make this thing do what I want it to do. I believe there was a book that came with it that had programs in BASIC. I copied some and then began to fiddle around on my own. I fell in love and 32 years later, the saga continues.
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I was thinking to read some books on algorithm and mathematics required in programming, especially for CP. After some searching I got across some books that are considered great in the field. Among the books, 'Introduction to Programming by CLRS', 'Algorithms Design Manual by Steven Skiena', 'Concrete Mathematics by Donald E. Knuth' and 'The Art of Programming by Donald E. Knuth', in which order should I read them? I've already started reading CLRS as it would be required in my college course too.5
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I wrote a few related libraries for our app that literally every single one of the several hundred requests a second we receive goes through, and everytime there is a bug I always blame those libraries first... even though they are excellently unit and integration tested. Today i started the third "re-write" to cleanup the code and get some piece of mind. Will be pissed / relieved when the bug is somewhere else.
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Is it just me or are books on algorithms split between being too simplistic and being too detailed to be practical. I read Donald Knuth's book "The Art of Computer Programming Vol.1" read about 10% of it , which is like 3 chapters. I really enjoyed those chapters, Knuth's is such a genius but then the rest of the book was so complicated that the introduction and definition of terms was longer than some whole chapters in the same book. I decided to look for another, found a really good one, but it was analyzing algorithms in Java, sigh, I hardly code in Java so it was exactly easy for me to follow when he keeps mentioning the "comparable" attribute on sorting algorithms. I then got another really followed it till the keep on referencing indicator variables, I had read 3 books now and had not had of these indicator variables. Am sure they are not that common in the Computer Science literature so I was left wondering why I had to learn to analyze code with indicator variables though it was not a standardized in the "Computer Culture" would I be the only one who does this?.. I hence gave up on learning algorithms till I got that book that was just right for me5
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!rant http://projects.haykranen.nl/java/
Your welcome... seriously this gives me more than a few smiles when im deep in java hell.3 -
Rexx scripting language as a junior programmer at a financial company. It was used to massage data scraped from multiple data sources. There scripts that were calling other scripts to the tune of 6 and 7 scripts deep. It was a horrible scriptception.
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Spent the last 4 hours trying to figureout how to A) buy a ssl cert that supports wildcards and B) install that bitch on a ubuntu box with nginx... now github is complaining about the cert chain... :l
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When someone cancels your meeting and schedules their meeting ontop of it because they wanted the fucking room... and then comes in half way through your meeting and says they have the room booked.
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Loud music at about 3 - 5 am with my partner on skype as we both hack away and every so often mumble about or rant about some shit.
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Been working in C# doing async work with Tasks. I normally do async work but its in Node on a single thread XD. Brain is fried. Fuck you thread saftey.4
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"Premature optimization is the root of all evil" - he quoted Donal Kunth words. Though it's not the worst advice. From then, coding became simple on achieving the task.
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Recently, the cringe I get from this community is getting higher than the one I get from the comment section of a CNN Facebook post about Donald Trump's opinion.3
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Deployed a container running nginx to aws for the first time today... felt pretty good. We use aws pretty heavily at my work but the intricacies of deployment were figured out by someone else a long time ago, so its nice to understand more whats going on.
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TrumpScript is one funny programming language that was formulated by four Rice University undergraduates. TrumpScript allows developers to operate with numbers that are bigger than one million. If programmers user numbers less than a million then it will generate a quote from Donald Trump as an error message: ”I’m really rich, Part of the beauty of me is I’m very rich.”1
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Staying in this year following the Test Driven Laravel course to try and improve my TDD skills and build a new application following TDD. Ide prefer to be writing Java / Spring, but there are somany resources out there for PHP.
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For some reason properly starting an embedded tomcat and deploying a war is the fucking bane of my existence. Came back to work today from being off for the weekend and all of the sudden my webapp wont deploy. Tomcat just spinsup the app manager and intellij doesnt deploy the war...
Now that im typing this I bet that the context.xml is missing the docbase attr... gunna vpn in and check... literally ran the app fine friday night so not sure why this would have changed now. Will report back.1 -
Proccess hangs after my integration tests run because of a database connection that isnt being closed somewhere >.<... node doesnt make it any either to debug either. Fml.
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