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Most embarrassing and lucky moment on the first week of job.
Me and my best friend were selected in the same company as developers. I was having some trouble with my system. So I mailed the description to our support department. Pop up was displayed from our chat client and person on the other end happened to be a lady. She wanted me to share a team viewer link with click access. So I did it and within 2 minutes of efforts she solved it. I thanked her, closed the chat conversation and started installing few packages. Meanwhile, I was curious to see her as she was really nice throughout the conversation. So I opened LinkedIn, searched for her name and found her profile. I zoomed in her photo and she was a pretty chick. I didn't stop and found her on FB too, and quickly saw all her DPs. I just copied her profile URL and sent it to my friend ( the one that got selected with me ) and told him about my conversation with her. Then I asked my friend
"She's hot. Should I send her a friend request or have to find some more troubles in my pc and talk to her few more times ? :P "
He replied "Dude what are you wanting for ? "
Out of no where, a pop up showed up. It was the girl we were talking about. The exact message was
"You can now close your team viewer session, and we can talk over FB :)"
Today I received the best bug report I could've ever asked for..
Received an email from a member of our customer service centre containing a description of the bug they'd found and not only did it contain the steps to reproduce the bug, but a goddamn video of him reproducing the suspected bug!
The greatest feeling when the client decides to take time to make your life that little bit easier25
"Can you put my site as the first result on google?"
I can add SEO to your site, just give me your preferred keywords, a description, and let's make sure we follow white hat best practices etc.
"No call someone at google and ask how much to go to the top of the list"
So you want to pay for ads or..?
"No get a figure I can pay to get to first page"
"Or can you just edit the google"
... And so I never renewed that contract ever again, the end.12
So, a piece of advice for all new programmers that want to find the best way to progress.
When I first started, I had this set list of things that I believed to be critical to being an elite-grade programmer, some of which was actually detrimental to my ability to perform. Here is some advice you should heed, because I have learned it the hard way.
1. Cater your tools to you, but don't overdo it.
I used to believe that using terminal editors, and more "hardcore" (difficult to use) editors would in the long run make me a stronger developer, and in turn, be capable of more. I learned this the hard way with Vim, an editor which I have significant appreciation for. Every time I opened up Vim in the last little bit, I just get an extreme sense of exhaustion, and I realized that I was overdoing the tool catering. VSCode, though it is missing a lot of really nice shortcuts that Vim has, doesn't make me feel exhausted. So I tweak it to have all the extensions I actually use, a great theme, and a font that I love (Fira Code, Dracula Theme, Git Lens, etc)
2. Your language of choice does *NOT* make you a lesser or better programmer.
3. Shit takes time
Programming is a long, arduous path. It is not easy, it is not simple, and it is a constant learning experience. You will never stop learning. The day you stop learning, you are no longer a "developer".
4. The basics are important.
The basic datatypes, algorithms, and design patterns are boring as fuck to learn. They're the most difficult things to get through, but once equipped with these, they come in play as some of the most critical pieces of knowledge you should know.
5. Code is meant to be read.
Write your code so most people can understand what is going on. I can elaborate on this further, but generally, follow a consistent style, add comments, and be vigilant with formatting the code to be as expressive as possible with as little code as possible. So, don't instantiate an object, then assign to each individual field after it without some formatting. Add some spaces so the start of the word lines up.
6. You are not Linus Torvalds.
This was a serious confidence killer for me. I was always comparing myself to the greatest programmers there are out there, and if I wasn't at least "close", I was never good enough. I can firmly confirm that this line of reasoning is *bullshit*. I mean it. If you know the basics, and textbooks don't really offer too much anymore, you're good.
7. Proof of your work is more powerful than your certifications.
Your GitHub/GitLab/Project Repos are more critical than any piece of paper you could ever have. If you have just something on your GitHub, solving actual problems, you will get further than just a cert/degree. So, think of a project and work on it. If you give up on the project, /state why you gave up/ in the description.
8. Put yourself out there.
If you don't have a job yet in development, put yourself out there. The world will not give you what you do not ask and work for, so work for what you want, and ask for work. Ask for what you're worth, and check yourself that you're being reasonable. If you do not have the balls to apply and go to interviews, why would the world give you a job?
9. Don't be an elitist.
Elitism will cost you more jobs, more time, more head ache, and more suffering than you could imagine. I have not experienced this myself, but I've been witness to the side effects. The elitist programmers who talk about "perfect code" are the ones that never get anything done, aren't fulfilled in their careers, and learn the slowest. Dogma and elitism will kill your future harder and faster than mistakes.
10. Always remember what you love about your craft.
There will be periods of time that stretch for weeks where every day you go "God damn I hate this", and you forget why you do this. But seriously, take some time and remember what you love, why you love, and how you love your craft. If you're not doing this because you love it, get out of the way so someone who wants it has a chance. Do something that actually speaks to you.
That summarizes a list of things that I have learned in my time programming that I believe will be critical to the success of every and any programmer that is just getting started. Never stop dreaming, noobs ;)16
Love how a teacher of mine described IO wait for CPUs on a blackboard.
"That's calculation time." *draws three small lines on the blackboard* And this is IO wait. *draws a really long line, goes out of the class, out of the school, comes back* "Yes, this is IO wait. No matter how good and fast your CPU in your gaming PC is, if your hard drive is shit, everything is shit."4
My job requires us to use Mac. I've spent the week figuring how to get stuff done on it.
My best description of trying to code on mac is that it's kinda like having to extract your mangled penis from a blender before you bleed to death... Except you can't look directly at it, you have to wear a VR headset that's linked to a camera in the corner of the room.
And you can't use your hands directly you have to use an incredibly stylish and ergonomic looking steering wheel to control a robotic arm. The robotic arm has its own artificial intelligence and it desperately wants to help.
Unfortunately it doesn't understand anything about what you're trying to do and it keeps leaping to incorrect conclusions about what you want from it.
Everyone tells you it'll get better, but you're still in intense pain and your penis is still stuck in the blender.30
This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.
I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.
I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.
The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.
They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.
Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.
I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.
Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.
Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.
I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.
I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.
And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?8
*finds interesting tutorial*
"The first step is to unlearn everything …"
Fucking bullshit. You cannot 'unlearn' things, maybe forget things, but certainly not on purpose, as long you don't physically harm yourself.
Even as a hyperbole for advertisement it's fucking stupid and pointless. and if you could 'unlearn' things, it certainly wouldn't be the best idea to 'unlearn' everything, would it?
It's stupid, empty bullshit like this that makes me really fucking mad and keeps me from focusing on the learning material. How about you stop talking shit and start teaching, fuckwit?17
Best non-technical description of why we hate to post in forums (shamelessly copied from Shamus Youngs blog found here: http://shamusyoung.com/twentysidedt...) ->
ALLEN: Hi, I’m new to driving and I need to move my car back around 5 meters. How can I move the car backwards?
(2 days later.)
ALLEN: Hello? This is still a problem. I’m sure someone knows how to do this.
BOB: I can’t believe you didn’t figure this out yourself. Just take your foot off the gas and let the car roll backwards down the hill. Tap the bake when you get to where you want to be. Boom. Done.
ALLEN: But I’m not on a hill. I’m in my driveway and it’s completely flat.
CARL: Dude, I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, but you should never be driving backwards. It’s dangerous and will confuse the other drivers. See the big window in FRONT of you? That’s your first clue. Don’t drive backwards.
ALLEN: I’m not trying to drive backwards. I just need to move back a little bit so I can get out of my driveway and start driving forwards.
CARL: So just drive in circle until you’re pointed the right way.
ALLEN: I don’t have enough room to turn around like that. I only need to move back a few meters. I don’t understand why this has to be so hard.
CARL: Sounds like your “driveway” isn’t compatible with cars. It’s probably made for bikes. Call a contractor and have them convert some of your yard into driveway to be standards-compliant with the turning radius of a car. Either way, you’re doing something wrong.
DAVE: I see your problem. You can adjust your car to move backwards by using the shifter. It’s a stick located right between the passenger and driver seats. Apply the clutch and move the stick to the “R” position.
ALLEN: But.. I don’t have a clutch. And there isn’t a stick between the seats.
CARL: Sounds like you’re trying to drive in Europe or something.
ALLEN: Ah. Nevermind. I figured it out.8
Hoo boy, this is a (very) long one, so read at your own risk,
I'd say, don't judge/generalize people biased by the minority that represent the larger group,
But on the other hand, it's very difficult to do so, especially when working in a group consisting of several dozens of people (devs, tech leads, testers, designers, etc), in separate sub groups
Well first, the devs aren't working with the expected atentiveness to quality & detail, I am not in any way the best developer in terms of knowledge, in fact I might be just a mediocre developer compared to the other tech leads or the other fellow developer, but one thing is that I always tried to learn and try my best to do it in the best way I can,
Quite frequently (and from several specific persons only) I had the honor to experience these farce,
Some people just don't want to admit that they are wrong, clear as day, this specific part here is not doing what it's supposed to do due to someone's negligence, and I was trying to find out how it actually works and how can we fix this, that's right, "we", I'm not even pushing anyone to clean up his mistakes alone, I'm also taking part on it because that became my responsibility when I touched that part of the code, and it's my duty to make sure the job is done, and what did they do? Long story short, somehow the guy was getting angry for an unknown reason, then speaking in high tone implying that it's not his problem anymore, passing the responsibility to someone else, and ultimately everyone said I should figure it out by myself, yeah fuck you all, in the end I was very relieved to be moved back to my original squad and not having too much interaction with their group,
Some (probably) less worse occurences are the devs who rush ahead before they code, literally, it's not the usual "code first, think later", it's way more advanced version of it, let's say some tester found a bug, then it's assigned to a developer, the developer doesn't even bother to check the ticket description, only read the vague title, and doesn't even bother to check the actual behavior on the app, suddenly, there's a Pull Request waiting to be merged, it's mind blowing to see how his PR doesn't actually solve anything, in the end, it confuses several reviewers until they actually run it on their local machine and found out that the bug is either has been fixed or not recurring anymore or the fix doesn't do shit, fucking waste of time
And what about the testers? Sure let's not forget the stereotype about devs vs testers and vice versa, but the ones I'm working with is a real piece of work,
I have no problem with the testers who put a lot of bug tickets, or the ones that is very critical in their bugfinding process, at least that means they are doing their job properly, the ones that dotheir job improperly are the ones that ends up wasting everyone's time, just like above
One time, a tester was reporting a certain UI bug, a certain text was overflowing, it's an edge case and was assigned to me since I works mostly on UI,
A day went by with no avail at my attempt to replicate the bug, turns out he was testing it with his personal phone, which was not included in the device requirement for the project nor described in the bug ticket, but since the screen resolution checks out, the bug is considered valid,
Second day went by with no avail of replicating, my time spent trying all kinds of devices, simulators, emulators, until, the 3rd day a very lucky occurence happened with one other testing device, and another tester reported duplicate bug, obviously I borrowed the phone, and inspected every inch of possibilities, until I noticed something, "the font's kinda bigger on this phone" I thought, then I checked the settings, and lo and behold, the bug is caused by the device's font settings, fuck it, and fuck you
Another time was when I'm not sure whether the testers was being lazy or just acting preoccupied with something, when we create a PR, the specific branch must be tested by tester to ensure nothing broke because of the changes, then only when the tester OK'd it, the PR will be merged,
This thing frequently happens, especially when working cross teams, it's as if that the other team's tester is not responsible for my work, eh, here's two middle finger for you, I'll include my toes also, YOU ARE THE ONE REPORTED THE BUG FOR FUCK'S SAKE, and now you act like it's none of your business?, what's so hard about testing one single branch for a single teeny weenie feature and say ok on it, it won't even take 15 minutes, because I can do it in just 10 minutes, but only the testers had the authority to say that a certain PR is good to merge, fuck it
Last, the point above, "only the testers had the authority to say that a certain PR is good to be merged", and they seem to be flaunting it and act like an important person, fuck you
That doesn't cover half of the antics I saw, but whew, it sure is refreshing to finally speak it out3
1. Learn frontend and backend development. Move out of "Just android developer" description
2. Move out of this shitty MNC and get a job in a good company
3. Blog more
4. Give talks
5. Get fit
6. Have a nice gf ( one can hope)
Can I achieve this much? I'll try my best for sure.
So I'm studying at a university where everyone who studies electronics has to do the same "internship" where we have to program some microcontroller.
For most of us it is the first time programming with pointers and working with the register (C++). But the institute who does this shitty internship manages to FUCK up the class description and even the classes and methods they give you.
In the class description there are methods missing so you have no idea what they want you to do with that method and then they write stuff in the class description that aren't in the class and you don't need. For fucks sake how can you fuck up such a simple task.
And then their shitty template is wrong. If you expect your students to do well please for fucks sake make sure you give your students the correct classes and descriptions. Many students won't fucking know what is wrong because the never programmed in C++. The best part is that they are doing this "internship" for more than 5 years.6
I really love my mother but.
A couple of weeks ago she asked me for advice regarding a laptop. She wanted something cheap for office and stuff.
Since I know her I exactly knows she needs extreme fast boot and responsiveness. She'll go all hulk rage if the laptop doesn't boot in less than 30 seconds.
Told her to get something with ssd since storage is no issue and 4gb ram with an decent older I5. Took a whole day going through stores in my area and online to find good deals. Send her everything I found. Really good laptop for under 500€ I would've killed for.
Fast forward. She bought some 300€ shit laptop because it had 1tb memory. She didn't ask for advice just bought the cheapest that would read decently description wise.
Now she is raging all day and bitching about it being so slow and I should fix it for her since I'm an it guy etc.
Looking at the specs I nearly started to vomit. She seriously bought a laptop worse than she already had. Old i3 2gb ram 5200rpm HDD.
I told her she should return it because it is shit. But no. She insists that since it's newer it is better and I am only a lazy fuck who doesn't want to be bothered to do her a favor.
Offered the best thing I could think of. Told her I'd install Linux on it for her and teach her how to use it.
Explained it would run more smoothly since she refused to take that shit laptop back. But no. Of course she insists on using windows 10....
FUUUUUUUCK. I love my mother but seriously I'm about to explode.5
First rant here...
Hand full of devs have to create a huge web platform that can shovel a lot of data around in about two months which is impossible...
Project lead has left major decisions in the hands of interns like database we want to use because no question can.be answered by that person. Inexperienced intern has chosen a fucking nosql database for highly relational datasets... why? Because new tech...
Development began and a bunch of problems arised... database was accessable from internet from day one. Random crashes because out of memory exceptions. Every possible feature had a description of at most 10 words... and no standards where enforced on anything.
Now that finaaaally we switch to sql after almost a year of prototypical production everybody keeps coding on new features so i have to port all the crap to the new database...
best part: a bunch of clients on different op systems have to be ported as well!
Even better part: i have to do that cause everybody else has practically no experience in any field...
And now the joke: i got hired for gui/desktop application development
Am i a wizard now?1
Just made a damn fool of myself with a client. I handed off three projects and they had no idea what they were for and neither did I. My boss gave me these months ago. No code comments, no documentation, just some stored procedures they wanted me to actualize.
The best I could offer was to promise the client I would send a description of the projects to them as soon as my boss gets them to me. Fuck. I thought the client would know what they asked for when I showed them, but fuck me, they didn't remember. So embarrassing. 😡😡😡
This is a slack click client. The description reads..
"The best CLI client for slack, because everything is terrible!"
I checked it out and it's indeed terrible.
Made my fuckin morning