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Search - "diarrhea"
"Windows is better than Java".
A classmate literally screamed that out in class.
He'd heard me often bash Windows, I was just in the middle of a friendly debate about Java with the professor, so in a desperate attempt to get attention, his brain concocted this diarrhea of a sentence. And he doesn't even know how stupid what he said was.15
Root rents an office.
Good thing I don't work for a company that handles sensitive data! /s But at least I don't have access to it, or any creds that matter.
So, I've been running my phone's connection through a tor vpn and sharing that with my lappy. It works, provides a little bit of security, but it's slow as crap. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, REGUS.
AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CLEAN THE SHIT OUT OF THE FUCKING BATHROOM FFS.
Ugh. $12/day to work in a freaking wind tunnel (thanks, a/c; you're loud as fuck and barely work), hear other people's phone conversations through two freaking walls, pee in a bathroom that perpetually smells like diarrhea, and allow anyone and everyone within a 50+ meter radius to listen to everything my computer says.
Oh, they also 'forgot' to furnish my office, like they promised. Three freaking times. At least I have a table and chair. 🙄
Desk? What desk?
aslkfjasf. i've spent 12 hours today (and lots more over the past two days) trying to reproduce a bug that my [sort of] coworker insists is present. I haven't seen any proof of it anywhere, let alone steps to reproduce it.
I've poured through the code, following all of its tangled noodles of madness from start to fuck-this-shit. I've read and reread the pile of demon excrement so many times i can still read the code when i close my eyes. so. not. kidding.
anyway, the coworker person is getting mad because i haven't fixed the bug after days, and haven't even reproduced it yet. This feature is already taking way too fucking long so I totally don't blame him. but urghh it's like trying to unwind a string someone tied into a tight little ball of knots because they were bored.
but i just figured out why I haven't been able to reproduce it.
the stupid fucking unreliable dipshit ex-"i'm a rockstar and my code rocks"-CTO buffoon (aka API Guy, aka the `a=b if a!=b`loody pointless waste of mixed spaces and tabs) that wrote the original APIs ... 'kay, i need to stop for breath.
The dumbfuck wrote the APIs (which I based the new ones on mostly wholesale because wtf messy?), but he never implemented a very fucking important feature for a specific merchant type. It works for literally every type except the (soon-to-be) most common one. and it just so happens that i need that very specific feature to reproduce this bug.
Why is that one specific merchant type handled so differently? No fucking idea.
But exactly how they're handled differently is why I'm so fking pissed off. It's his error checking. (Some) of his functions return different object types (hash, database object, string, nullable bool, ...) depending on what happened. like, when creating a new gift, it (eventually...) either returns a new Gift object or a string error basically saying "ahhh everything's broken again!" -- which is never displayed, compared against, or recorded anywhere, ofc. Here, the API expects a Hash. That particular function call *always* returns a Hash, no matter what happens in the myriad, twisting, and interwoven branches the code could take. So the check is completely pointless.
EXCEPT. if an object associated with another object associated with the passed object (yep) has a type of 8. in which case, one of the methods in the chain returns a PrintQueue that gets passed back up the call stack. implicitly, and nested three levels in. ofc.
And if the API doesn't get its precious Hash, it exclaims that the merchant itself is broken, and tells the user to contact support. despite, you know, the PrintQueue showing that everything worked perfectly. In fact, that merchant's printer will be happily printing away in the background.
All because type checking is this guy's preferred method of detecting errors. (Raise? what's that? OOP? Nah, let's do diverging splintered-monolithic with some Ruby objects thrown in.)
what the crap.
people should keep their mental diarrhea away from their keyboards.
Anyway. the summary of this long-winded, exhaustion-fueled tirade is that our second-most-loved feature doesn't work on our second-most-common merchant type.
and ofc that was the type of merchant i've been testing on. for days. while having both a [semi] coworker and my boss growing increasingly angry at me for my lack of progress.
It's also a huge feature, and the boss doesn't understand that. (can't or won't, idk)
that's been my week.
...... WHAT A FUCKING BUFFOON!3
In my current work, I have two systems to work on (let's name em Systems A and B). Both basically do the same thing; both allow users to book facilities available to them.
System A is already in production. My job is to fix any bugs that come up on said system. System B is an improved version that they wanted me to develop. This would follow a different framework etc. I am already halfway through this system.
Now, here's the fucked up part. The code for system A is a massive clusterfuck. It has unused commented code dated back to ancient times where men had the brain of an ape.
And don't get me started on the fucking logic. One part of the code was to retrieve and display the timeslots available for a chosen facility. The code to do that alone takes up 500++ fucking lines, filled with ajax commands, html manipulation and commented, unused codes..AND THAT'S JUST THE FRONTEND!
The fucking backend was not a problem of smelly code anymore. Nope. It was like a programmer had code diarrhea and shat his backend code all over the project. If I had a pin board, I would have made a crazy wall just to understand what some fucknut was trying to achieve.
Anyway, my supervisor told me to fix some bugs on System A. Knowing how the code was, I told her that I could refactor the code. Since I've already achieved that function on System B, with a shorter and cleaner code, I could just copy that and use on System A. But nope. She SPECIFICALLY told me to just "do whatever to fix the bugs. I don't want to waste time on System A." Okay. Makes sense to me. Whatever. I didn't wanna fuck my head up looking through that mess of a cesspool. So, I came up with a few hacks, not thinking of clean code and fixed whatever bugs there was. I then just pushed to the repo (after testing of course).
This bloody morning, supervisor came in and gave me more bugs to fix. When I thought she was done, she said "Hey. I saw the fix you made to the system. The bugs are fixed but the retrieval of the timeslots is now pretty slow. Could you see what is the problem?"
Slow.. She said that it was slow. And asked if I could fix it. I already told her what the problem was and she did not want me to waste time on it. But she wants me to fix it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG IN HER BLOODY HEAD! I SWEAR TO GOD... UGHHHHH I swear I was already waterboarding her in my head. YOU WANT FAST?? How bout fucking allowing me to refactor the code?? Fucking shit head. I think I should take up yoga.1
"IT BROKEN!", the QA tester spoke in unintelligible broken English.
The developer asked for more details.
Then the QA person attempted to explain the problem in a surge of verbal diarrhea and horrible English.
Why do we hire people who don't speak the language of the development team as our QA people? I have nothing against devs and qa guys from India...but it makes my job really difficult when I can't even begin to understand what you are telling me, or even worse...you just tell me "IT BROKEN!" and don't give me a single bit of useful information on how to reproduce the error.
There was this wonderful QA person I used to work with. Her name was Ranjana. She was a beautiful Indian girl with two children, and the best QA person I ever worked with. She took screenshots, grabbed logs, and gave steps to reproduce everything she found. And then one day at stand up we were told she had died. And since then...there has been no one who has ever come close to her level of excellence.7
Fuck that fucking company three way while dozens of homeless HIV crack junkies puke and shit their diarrhea on the three bosses!
I can't put it in words how stupid they are!
Let me try to tell you the latest story while I try not to get multiple strokes.
Backstory: We are three devs, all with a TCCI certification. One has been working for us for almost a year, the other one has been working for us since one and a half year. Both are good friends of mine, btw. I have been working there for almost three years.
Fortunately, I am allowed to work on a reasonable computer. The other devs work on PC's with Windows 7 and 8!
One has just 400 MB space left on his drive and has to delete every month some shit because he does not want to be able to call up websites anymore... How awful?!
The PC of the other great Dev Crashes three to six times a day and needs about 30 minutes to start up!
We can be so productive, but...
We told that in February one of our bosses and asked him to buy new hardware. His answer: yes, of course, I understand that, it's my turn (he always says that "ich bin da dran")
We got a new colleague in the middle of this fucking month. She is responsible for conception.
She works on an old notebook, but today she gets a fucking new PC to work on while the devs are trying to weld with a sparkler! Better hardware than every other Dev PC!!!
Guess what? She is the daughter of a friend of one of our bosses!
We are the only devs at this company.
Fuck that fucking company! Fuck that fucking bosses!
I think we don't go to work for that fucking company anymore!7
I'm so sick of all these fat frontend websites.
Transferring dozens of megabytes of mostly unused libraries is not acceptable.
A browser tab crunching up CPU time because everything must be "beautifully animated" (🤢) and processed without involving page reloads/backend is not acceptable.
A response time of over a second is not acceptable.
Cryptic error messages and random popups asking you to reload your page, not acceptable.
Sticky elements/popups breaking access on small screens is not acceptable.
Running hundreds of ajax calls per minute as heartbeats/probes
and crashing the page when the internet has a hiccup, not acceptable.
Fuck Asana, Fuck Twitch, Fuck LinkedIn, Fuck Youtube, Fuck the dozens of other SPAs which unload their truckload of diarrhea into a tab, yet fail to load crucial functionality about half of the time.
I want webpages to be interactive informational documents again.
Fuck off with your apps.
If you want to make an app, learn to use a real language, and get the fuck out of my browser.4
Booking a hotel on booking.com
**only 3 rooms avaliable at this discounted price BOOK NOW**
**12 rooms booked just in the last 24 hours BOOK NOW**
*** HTML AND CSS FLASHING WEBSITE PANIC**
I call the hotel directly "sorry sir, we're closed for the season and currently renovating, will not be open till June"
I need a drink.5
Stomachache, weird shitting schedule (can't believe I had so many stuff inside of my belly what the fuck).
So it's actually 5AM in France so instead of trying to sleep I gave up and told myself "Let's learn React Native".
Turns out learning looks easier when your struggling with diarrhea.4
Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.
Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.
1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.
I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.
Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.
45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.
Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Called head office and told them everything was undr control.
Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.
Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"
Both nodded in agreement.
Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.
Got home thinking about how boss I am.
Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.
Still have diarrhea.
The wife is asleep. The two year old wrecking ball of a boy is asleep. Wanted to finish a library to run kafka/grpc for nodejs microservices with plug and play functionality.
Make some tea. Figured the caffeine will keep me up. Maybe work late night. It'll be fun.
Then diarrhea hits. Now, staying up late because apparently I ate something I shouldn't have. Don't you hate it when that happens?12
How can you defend your ugly unstructured mess of a PR, when every spit-droplet infused spray of words from your mouth is full of syntax errors?
How can you call yourself a developer without being aware of basic logic? I ain't got no tolerance for double negations, not not true is just true, you doltish twat.
WHEN YOU TALK THERE IS A CLOUD OF RED SQUIGGLY LINES IN THE AIR FLOATING AROUND YOUR HEAD.
I mean what the fuck is up with eggcetera? Why are you just swapping out letters? What has the little ligature t in & ever done to you? Do I have to fucking replace & with 🥚 so your word diarrhea makes sense again?
NO. JUST PLEASE... STOP TALKING. YOU'RE RAPING LANGUAGE, AND IT WAS ALREADY BEATEN DEAD.
Unlike me, you have a degree in computer science... but how, how the fuck did you pass? How did neither your tongue nor code get stuck in a linter?
AND YOUR RESPONSE IS STILL: "YOU DON'T NEED TO LEARN WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED WITH SCHOOL" ... "WHAT DOES IT MATTER, IT WORKS, RIGHT?"
NO, IT'S NOT RIGHT.
You're lucky I love refactoring.
I'll start with a medical grade steel scalpel and a long sharp hook. Maybe I can clean up this brain a little. See if the tests turn green if I cut some of this gray matter away... plenty of unreachable statements, so many unnecessary loops...
Might have to start from scratch.8
Since a very christian colleague joined my team, i learned how important cursing is in order to do this job. I honestly can’t do my work without the occasional diarrhea of foul words.9
I am removing all my personal items from work so if I suddenly quit I can walk out and never have to come back. All thanks to a micromanaging maniac of a manager and his lackluster lackeys of lameville.
Fuuuuck youuuuu huuuuge. I curse you cunts with everlasting indigestion followed by bouts of vicious volcanic diarrhea.8
Does anyone actually know css off by heart or would your webpage look like diarrhea if stackoverflow was down for the day14
Just because I have not written any code yet, does not mean I have not started on your project. I can either plan it well or let the code flow from my fingers like diarrhea.
Today feels like a proper april's fool,
Bought an aftermarket(?) lightning cable online, which didn't work, had to request for a replacement and wait for 7-30 days (never buy aukey products again),
Got diarrhea from god knows what, been maintaining my meals, couldn't figure out why,
Apple is at it again with the apple sign in
Apparently they "made a mistake" in approving our app back in december last year
That our apple sign in flow isn't compliant to the "regulation" (well partially maybe, but they have been approving it so far)
So they requested we change apple sign in flow
After a lengthy discussion with the cto, we came to a viable solution, though I must test something out first,
Unfortunately just yesterday I updated my ios to 13.4, previously 13.2 but the wifi part (top right back to back with camera) keeps heating during charging, so I figured it's time for an update
Thus I couldn't test on real device because my xcode is outdated, need 11.4 (previously 11.2)
And to use xcode 11.4, I have to use at leasts OSX Catalina 10.15.2
So I tried downloading the xcode first, ETA 1 hour, which failed after every 15 mins and had to restart everytime
Xcode download failed, moved on to downloading Catalina update, same ETA 1 hour, but keeps failing between 3-4 GB of downloaded data
Everytime I restarted, it always starts from 510 MB, I figured the partial download might be corrupted
Tried to find the download cache delete it but no avail
Bought DaisyDisk license to find the file, file found but cannot be deleted, and I don't think I have enough balls to meddle with system files
Currently trying the force update with cmd + option + R command
Seems to be progressing well, hopefully I don't jinx it4
Since few days I’m sick. Literally, I look like shit and feel even worse. Some combo disease with fever, diarrhea and things like that. And despite that, I tried to work from home today. And surprisingly - I’ve made everything I planned to do: 100% PHP multi process server, which sends push messages via GCM and APN, emails and SMS (using different operators API and talking AT commands directly to modems). I’m a bit proud of myself. And now I feel like I’m dying, so it’s time to get some pills and take a looong nap ;)3
Reasons i hate Christmas #147
I have job interview tomorrow (27th) and i my hair looks like bum of a vulture with diarrhea
Near me is at least 15 barbershops.
NOT. A. SINGLE. ONE. OPEN. UNTIL TOMORROW
BECAUSE OF CHRISTMAS
Why the fuck has this holiday of manipulation and lies and misery and shit to have so huge impact on normal flow of life for so many days!
Hi. I just wanted to share I failed the google online interview. Thought I was prepared, I vomit and had diarrhea 30mins before the interview, Always makes mistakes on google docs. I keep pressing tabs which uglifies the code, miss-spelled my variables and functions name, mistakenly put everything in const (I got used to my editor yelling at me when I used const instead of let, should not rely on this). But there's always next time. I hope.6
Just a couple of things I'm thinking,
Alacritty in my main terminal, but I have a Hyper terminal (secondary, since it's pretty but not as fast) for thoughts.
I'm not even sure if you can call them thoughts. I would say mental diarrhea.
Most of the sentences are ridden with expletives, and very emotional. I attached a picture where you can see that there is
* some special characters, result of me light smashing the keyboard (I say light as in, I'm very angry but not as angry to not appreciate my single computer).
* a final sentence with some really nasty message.
* a lot of gibberish as well, don't use this as a spanish learning tool.
If you're curious about what's causing me grief, it's trying to make jest work with a vue-cli existing project. I encountered a couple of gotchas that ground my gears.
I estimated this bitch ass task to take like 2 hours tops, but I'm like 4 hours on this already, so I'm halfway broken.
Also, another comment:
While seeing the picture of the dutch devrant meetup, I think to myself "man, there's no way I would not feel awkward in that situation.
But then I noticed the beer and was like "oh, that helps".2
Diarrhea and hangover.
I thought about it a little more and unexpected police intervention when you just received new container full of coke for your premium clients can be as much disturbing.4
Update to previous rant: My e-banking account is blocked, because apparently I already set a password on a website I never seen before.
- Tried the declined one
- Tried the unsecure one I chossed after the declined one
- Tried the pin number from mobile app.
BAM@#%$#%!!1!one1! YOU ARE BLOCKED FOR ENTERING WRONG PASSWORD TOO MANY TIMES. PLEASE CALL THE FUCKING BANK ON MONDAY.
I seriously hate this stupid country, and companies that don't know a first thing about web getting picked on government and public sector projects, sucking 100s of thousands of euros and providing the user experience that gives you a fucking diarrhea, at every SINGLE ONE OUF THEM!1
I had a compile error that I was missing a com reference. But on the pc of a colleague it compiled fine.
It was something from vlc, so I reinstalled vlc.
2 seconds after that my virus scan started shouting, alert, activeX element detected, removing.....
Which water buffalocock sucking piece of diarrhea stained retard (sorry for the retards I love you all a huggy bunch and you deserve better)
Uses an activeX element which even a virus scan can identify as completely unsafe
Well. I'm stressed and a bit sick so let me tell you this you fuckers: I don't want to play in your little mindfucking game where everything is about efficiency, money and who has the biggest dick around.
Usually I'm the idealistic, positive kind of guy who spreads love and lets people do their things as long as they just don't fuck with him.
Right now though, just go fuck yourself in your damn stupid car you fancy fucker because I don't care about your big dick you have to show off on every occasion. I don't give a fuck about your big paycheck or your smart ass. I'm so sick of this industry mouse wheel and modern slavery where it is made extra hard to enjoy our lives and unfold who we really wanna be because some stupid asshead is not able to fill his hollow emptiness with bare love but has to swallow loads of cash instead giving him the craziest form of diarrhea.
Com'on! We kind of tamed the planet. We put so much effort and created a huge system with so many securities and still we are not able to simply live freely, share love, opinions and great ideas. Why is it still so common to define yourself about your projects, paycheck and false effort? Instead of how much good you give to others, how self-consistent you are, how good you treat yourself?
All I want from you is a bit honesty to yourself. How about being nicer to yourself, letting your love unfold for the sake of releasing that love to the world?
For me you will be a hero!
I believe that the personal happiness is influenced not only by your surroundings but mostly how you interact with it. Karma basically. So yeah, normally I'd say you can simply decide to ignore that shit, walk on your path and decide to be what you want to be no matter what dickheads cross your path, but honestly I just had to get that rant out because this ridiculous nonsense makes me so sick right now.
I'm successful right now. I have the privilege to decide on being happy and I know that not everyone has this privilege. I believe, spreading love will also spread this privilege.
That said, have a nice day!4
Have you ever noticed how angry and hateful you can get just by reading someone else's code. I think I'm losing about 5 minutes of life per minute of code that I'm reading this shit.
On the plus side every minute feels like an hour so quantitatively I end up on top though...
Everything is shit and I have to work drive thru till 11.15pm.
Everything appears to require js at one point or another (though kotlin requires groovy which, in the intellij IDE, the template it COMES with is fucking broken from the start)
Java seems like an option, lots of jobs available, but I need netbeans for desktop (javafx) and Android Studio
separately in order to do anything. And Android Studio now uses, of all things...FUCKING GROOVY.
*cocks gunfinger and points in mouth*
why must every fucking thing be it's own DSL and make everything about the fucking ceremony of configuration over
Haven't any of these fucking cocksuckers heard of MAKE? Or do they just masturbate over how intelligent and smart they are for having reinvented the god damn WHEEL?
I'll see you at the drive through. Will that be all for today?9
The wilde difference in native support between IE , gecko and WebKit is like difference between a real burger and MacDonald's,
They're both burgers but one will make you happy and the other will give diarrhea and a swollen butthole