Truth be told. I'm funnier on the internet, but damn am I weird and socially awkward in real life.

I expected Python to be fun, but not THIS fun!

I'm gonna stick around you, buddy. We're going to accomplish great things together.

Sleep deprivation may have made this funnier than it actually is, but I can't NOT laugh when I see it

Source: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal (smbc)

That feeling when your phone is funnier than you!

After seeing a post here on devRant I wanted to try something similar with Google Assistant.

Switch colleagues wireless mouses. The more colleagues, the funnier it gets :)

the moment your colleagues are funnier than you :(

My friend sent me this and I don’t think I ever laughed harder at a dev joke.

Aussie people make everything funnier, idk why (if it’s a repost then sorry)

PSA: Proposal for the posting of third party content.
I know we all love ourselves some Dilbert or commitstrips or xckd BUT could everybody just give credit where credit credit is goddamn due!
Leaving a link isn't that hard!
Just put it as the first comment if you don't want to have it at the end of your rant.
Also for xkcd specifically put the alt text in the first comment as well. It makes the comics even funnier and shows that you are more than a half witted copy pasting monkey.

There is nothing funnier than listening to the complaints of a linux user having to use windows.

I thought of a funnier story about recruiters, one called my desk a few weeks ago and I politely declined the offer before hanging up.

The same recruiter then proceeded to call the person sitting directly opposite me and subsequently told them that I had recommended them for a position (I categorically did no such thing). I hope they were wearing Brown pants that day because I proceeded to phone up their company and spent the next 20 minutes detailing how unprofessional it is to blatantly lie to people and expressly told them that if I ever found out they were using my name in this way again I would Sue them for libel.

Needless to say most of their agents have left my professional network on LinkedIn.

Tl;Dr I won

Switching Linux distros and a friend says I should check out openSUSE so I download it, boot it up and I'm greeted by this...

The management brought some devs from another outsourcing company into our project to overcome the fact that we, the existing developers, are retarded. We are retarded because they change the scope continously (aka daily) and we can’t keep track with their requests. They want something and after we implement it, they want it changed. Completely.

Instead of getting the project and deep dive into it using the materials (setup, architecture etc.) I prepared along the way, their PM said that we have to make some low level knowledge transfer. This knowledge transfer session happened on Friday.

The presenters were me and one of my colleagues. After 2 hours of training, we found out that the supposed senior devs don’t know how to use GIT, they don’t have a clue about Spring nor Angular (nor any SPA framework), their only questions were ‘why didn’t you use X?’ (where X = bootstrap, jQuery etc.) etc.

What is even funnier: during the presentation we were asked to keep a screen sharing opened during working hours for a couple of days just so the new devs could see how we are working.

Guess what happened with the scope on Friday evening: it changed again because ‘you got new devs so there will be multiple resources to handle tasks’.

2 more weeks and i’m out of there...

Finally Spend two fucking days debugging shit until I figured it it. Freaking stupid shit encoding problems and old data combined isn't fun. Dafuq why can't everybody use UTF-8 or Unicode or something else but PLEASE stop using some old school IBM shit codepages.
Leckt mich doch am arsch mit diesem scheiß man -_-

Before I became a Computer Engineer, (actually, this job is where I learned I loved programming) our manager would pull us into a team motivational meeting.
Except she was a bit of an airhead, so her idea of motivation was having a sing-song and listing our favorite movie quotes.
It was even funnier because there was lots of drama surrounding "how she became our manager," and one of our teammates felt as though she should have gotten the job.
Anyway, none of those were the most ridiculous meeting.
The most ridiculous meeting was when the VP of marketing came to town from Florida to address the brewing drama.
In this meeting, all of my teammates suddenly had the delusion that we were in a union and thought they were protected from getting fired. They threw our manager under the bus. I was the only one who could see that he was there to see if our department was worth saving. They thought they were going to get rid of our manager by shitting on her, but they were just confirming his suspicion that there was a bunch of bullshit going on all around.
So I approached the VP after the meeting, and long story short, I was the only one who got through layoffs with a job offer in Florida a couple weeks later.
I didn't take it, because by that time I decided I wanted to go to school for Computer Engineering.

ok ok I'll move it to inbox Google, you lazy ass company can't you make your won mail service to it by it self -.-
Must admit, those spam emails are getting funnier by the day

I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN A GUY ATTEMPTING TO CREATE A DOCKER IMAGE *INSIDE* ANOTHER DOCKER CONTAINER!

I have considered asking why, but then concluded that not knowing makes it a lot funnier.

Secrets of great British castles is a lot funnier than I expected...

One of my classmates was working on a login form, and the fucker handtyped a 100+ character email validation regex but forgot to add a check to make sure no fields were blank.

It was funny when I was able to create an account with no username, breaking his website, and even funnier when I told him html forms have a built-in email pattern

What's your funnier / most time saving script that you've ever made ?

I really hate the childish corporate culture at some tech companies. Today I received my Christmas "gift" from my employer. It was a branded chocolate bar and a sticker pack. The stickers were designed by our UX designers, and the stickers look like they are made for little toddlers at kindergarten. The stickers said things like "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!". Jesus Christ, are we little kids? The average age of an employee at my company is around 30 years old, and those are the stickers you give us? Stickers are childish anyways, but it seems like 50% of my autistic colleagues seem to like putting those ugly things on their laptops to lick the boots of upper management.

The office itself literally looks like a kindergarten. There's LEGO artwork on the walls and the "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!" nonsense and similar motivational bullshit is plastered on all the walls. Seriously, who ever thought it's a good idea to tell 30 year old adults to "make friends!". I already have my friends, I don't need to be friends with anyone at work, and I definitely don't need to be told to do so!

Even funnier than that is the fact that the whole "To The Moon!" bullshit is a phrase introduced by upper management to symbolize their effort and wish to make our company bigger and stronger by having a bigger market share. Basically it's the rich peeps from upper management telling us to work harder and make them more successful. Today I had a meeting in which they told me they wouldn't increase my salary because they have a tight budget this year because of the economic problems we're currently facing. But that doesn't stop them from childishly motivating us with bullshit like "To The Moon!" so they can become richer themselves, while the little people at the bottom of the pyramid need to work harder without extra pay.

The most annoying part of this is that many employees lick the boots of upper management and go along with all this bullshit. God I hate cringy childish corporate culture so much.

At work, we started to call an incompetent self-titled "semi-senior" full-stack developer, "semi-simian".

Maybe, it's funnier in spanish 😳

Incident of my colleague, who is really hard-working but ain't so smart strategically.

So this morning the entire team connected to discuss the status or criticalll points.

When my colleagues turn came, she delivered a monologue for 15 minutes straight and was still going strong.

(Fucking hell, I couldn't stop laughing while typing this).

My TPM had to interrupt her, and the way he did is even funnier, to discuss few points.

I was the only one on video and I just couldn't resist laughing at the entire situation.

How the fuck can someone talk non-stop for 15 minutes without being breathless and still can go for another round.

Hahahaha it was hilarious.

So a few weeks back guy I used to work with contacts me for some dev work on a UK project he is working on, it's the Thursday and they need the thing the coming Monday. I tell him it's totally impossible, and it was so he asks what can done and how much, as well as how much for the entire project.

I stipulate exactly what can be done, with exclusions and say 7.5k and them mail over a detailed quote for 30k for everything.

I get told it's all fine, I must go ahead. I get through a bit more than expected by the Monday, but they still needed something to demo and I set I can get enough for demo in place by Thursday.

They demo to business and money and all that and everyone is happy and tell me to finish up along with some changes, and I don't even adjust the price as it was more work they wanted outside of the original spec.

Get to probably 80% done and they say we need to pause they need to look over other feedback.

Next thing, the PM come back, no they were never actually happy with the quote and they found some other guy willing to do the entire thing for 7.5k and they willing to only give me that for the code I have written so far. Cunts.

Anyway, he tries to take some blame for it, even though I know it's BS and says he will pay in another 7.5k from his share if I am willing and we call it quits.

This people, is why I don't freelance.

I feel sorry for this new kid, he clearly under quoted, and yes I am expensive, but with decades experience having worked on international projects for one of the largest digital asset management firms, my countries leading fintech dev house and now the lead developer for my countries largest insurance software dev house, you damn fucking strait my free time comes at a premium, as you are getting top fucking quality, 100% tested, high performing code.

They can go fuck an entire flock of ducks when they come back after this half ling fucks up the diamond I coded up for them.

Even funnier, they a UK based company, so for them this was a 1.5k project. Cheap cunts.

Unit tests bad

(I have no energy to write smth funnier and more elaborate, sorry)

Launching deploy pipelines has never been funnier

So I started at a new company about two months ago. I was hired as a Senior .net developer, which I am well qualified. I also told them that I did MVC but haven’t done react or angular.

So my first project with this company is building a react-native app. (Never done a native app either) The craziest thing is I am the most senior on this project too.

What is even crazier, I still work for my old company on the side, and the only .net I am doing is for them. And even funnier, my old company thought the reason I was leaving was to do more .net development.

There's nothing funnier than talking to another programmer around a group of non programmers. Feel like the fucking rick and morty memes when you go "Hey bro. I heard you were having issues with finding the direction between two vectors, are you telling me you don't know that the direction is basically x1-x2 and y1 - y2? Just be glad you arent trying to rotate the object towards the second one with quaternions. I know eulers work but its still a pain in the ass to figure out the euler direction." And everyone sits there looking at you like youre speaking minecraft enchanting table

So, our university has this something called "E-LAB", a portal where students copy and paste codes from hacker-earth, in order to get marks in their internals.
The fun part is, the questions in our online portal are itself copied from hacker-earth, and other technical platforms.
And even funnier, our faculties can't solve a single problem, and they expect us to do, 80+ out of 100.
I mean, WTF!!!

Fucking Eclipse at it again.

Colleague was setting up their IDE for working with the ABAP R/3 backend, we use. To speed up the process, colleague A is sending the zipped plugins folder to the new colleague B and telling them to put them into the directory of where eclipse is stored.

Like a good and neat person, B renamed the folder plugins into plugins _old and unzipped the other folder in there. Clicked on eclipse and nothing worked, Error message immediately.

B then proceeded to tell A that it didn't work. A then asked "how did you copy the stuff in there?", and B said that they backed up the original and put the new one in there (mind you, technically that should work, because the eclipse versions were pretty close to eachother, only like a few patches apart).

And then A said, "No No No, you need to just overwrite it."
So that's what B did. Okay so original plugins folder has been overwritten with the sent plugins folder. B clicks eclipse.

Eclipse starts, and shows loading screen.

For like 5 minutes.

Then crashes with sone random error message.

B asks A what's going on, and what cracked me up was, that A just said: "Yeah, it's supposed to crash, just restart it".
So B clicked it again, it launched for another like 5 Minutes and then opened normally, with everything where it should be.

B asks then, if that's normal, and the other devs in the call replied "Yeah, we did it like that too"

ngl, that was one of the funnier teams meetings i had in a while

// Pretty long rant.

Already made some rants some months ago about coding experience in Smalltalk for a school project, but to sum it up :
Because of administrative things, Smalltalk change from option to obligatory course to everyone (we were told that "we had 3 choices out of 3" for options. Not even kidding)

So whole prom got to do a Smalltalk project, a basic shapes editor with Drag'n'Drop and keyboard shortcuts implemented.

But literally everyone didn't get a grasp of the language nor VisualWorks, the IDE. So we got projected in a "Do-it yourself, learn by yourself" project with a language that nobody understood.

Took me 1 week of browsing on Google to find books explaining more than the teacher did. Took me another week to notice that the teacher actually provided VisualWorks's manual. (No one would have noticed if I didn't tell them, and the teacher went silent on it.)

And then the coding started. My teacher thought this project would require something like 20-30 hours of coding. Took me 2 whole months and a half to do moist of the features he asked (only the Keyboard shortcuts weren't implemented, explanation below), and I was the most advanced of whole prom, so I had to answer every single question of fellows. Not complaining, but this took me a lot of time.

But why didn't you ask the teacher ?
- If I ask him every question I had in mind, I would actually harass him since I had too many of them, and I wasn't the only one.
- I actually went twice to his office to ask him question. First question, that was pretty straightforward, I forgot something, blablabla all done. Second time, that was for the keyboard. And then, things are getting even funnier. The teacher didn't have VisualWorks installed on his Mac, so he tried to install it while I was waiting. And he took too long time to actually launch it, because VisualWorks asked for him to log in, to provide an email, the download is a little long thanks to the network and the size, etc. When he finally was able to launch it, I had some classes to attend, so he couldn't answer. And since then, I had no time because last year, flooded with work, exams, classes ,etc.

All of that to have only 13 out of 20. I kinda shrugged, knowing that I wouldn't get more, and said that Smalltalk will only be a line of my resume.

Pretty long rant, sorry about that, but had to explain so you can see how bad it was to me.

Do I want to go into research or industry? I must only answer which is funnier "PhD Comics" or "CommitStrip."

This is the way to decide things.

1) git init
2) organize the structure of the project and check what features you need
3) google the name of the features and search a module that solves it
4) follow the module's tutorial step by step
5) compile the code
6) notice it doesn't work
7) StackOverflow, github, Quora, emails with insults to developers, parcel posts with bombs, try suicide
8) ascertain you could have spent all that time in funnier or more productive tasks
9) right click on project -> delete
10) forget the previous experience
11) goto 1

When you're sick and you look for medical services, GDPR is funnier

say "Everything is funnier when you use the say command"

We just finished a small discussion or debate about why we should use uuid instead of other field or property like name.

Gets funnier when you know the guy who started the debate proposed uuids few weeks ago.

My vp engineer and junior frontend (that's the team) both said "having not strong feeling about one or the other"

While they were finishing that sentence I started this rant.

I'm funnier than my commit messages

Let me confess something:

I've used funny stories I heard from friends to tell to other people as my own to appear funnier and cooler.

Hi guys, for school I need to use OPTICS (clustering algorithm) on at least two data sets for a project. For the first one, I'm thinking of doing some classic document clustering. But for the second one, I'd like to do something a bit funnier. I'm thinking of clustering faces. The goal would be to cluster faces that are similar, and the dataset would have many images of the same person to see if the clustering works. I think I must reduce the size of the image first.
Do you think it's feasible and how would you prepare the data, would you feed directly the matrix representation of the image?

There are two kinds of art and leisure: Apollonian and Dionysian. Apollo was the god of light, knowledge and other such things. Dionysus was the god of wine and ritual madness. In a nutshell, the beauty of the stars in the sky is Apollonian, and the beauty of nice juicy ass is Dionysian.

My info landscape was too damn Dionysian lately. I don’t even use TikTok or Instagram. I mean music I listened to, like aggressive dumb rap, bad slang, swearing… Wherever you look, there are Cardi B’s and Kim K’s, with their ugly eyelashes, ugly makeup, ugly inflated lips, ugly voice, ugly things they say. Watching the dumbest shit ever on YouTube. The louder you scream, the funnier the joke. Also, the number one content is some people tearing down some other people: penguinz0 destroying someone again, debunk channels, drama…

Dionysian things can be attractive and comfortable, because they speak to our animal part. In a way, Dionysian is natural. But not everything that is natural is good.

I gave my info landscape an Apollonian cleansing. Unsubscribed from a lot of debunking channels. Changed the way I speak, adjusted my vocabulary. Deleted a lot of music from my library. Went from 6ix9ine to Pink Floyd, Sting and Dire Straits.

It all started two weeks ago. I feel… different, but not necessarily better. Time will tell.

class CircularBuffer
{
public:
CircularBuffer();

void insert(int circularArgument);
};

Déjà vu? Have we discussed this before? I think the old horse we beat is still laying on the floor.

I really really wanted this to be funnier that it is. It is not. This feels like the moment in Office Space when they tell the old guy that his invention is the worst idea anyone has ever had.

Not exactly a function in a programming language, but as far as Android SDK goes, typing "adb lolcat" instead of "adb logcat" is easier on fingers, and funnier !

So, despite being pretty experienced with Linux server management, today, I failed, even after hours spent tinkering, to get Bumblebee working on an older laptop of mine (Intel i3 + Geforce 960m).

What's funnier is that before I wiped that laptop with a clean install, it was working, albeit it on an out of date kernel / driver combo.

Though curiously, despite using the newest release of Xubuntu, the Bumblebee PPA repo wasn't signed (Missing InRelease file), and further lacked one of the Package index files (For i386 i believe)

I'm about to sell the laptop tomorrow. Anyone has any hints or things I could have missed? I still have a day to work on it, and if I don't manage, I'll just put on a clean win install...

One of these days… me and “crust” will have an inside joke that’s even funnier than it is now…