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Search - "tada"
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I'm proud to announce a new project made by myself and @thejohnhoffer, that started on devrant.
We started collaborating after I made a rant about machine learning and, since then we've been working hard on a plain language blog that simplifies machine learning concepts.
We call it learn-blog.
Check it out at ironman5366.github.io/learn-blog15 -
Hey guys, first rant,
At the moment I'm developing a very big and complex app. We are almost done and decided to deliver a test version to our customer. After he received our test he called us and said there is a problem with a function, he just said it's not working and wasn't very specific.
So I decided to check his problem, because an colleague couldn't figure it out.
I started the app via android studio and had a similar problem, there was a huge delay at the automatic recording function of Bluetooth messages, I thought yeah this is his problem.
I showed it my colleague and he said that he doesn't have this problem, we have different Bluetooth simulators so we thought that there must be a problem with the Bluetooth communication or the simulators are broken.
I checked if there is some kind of timing or buffer problem and logged the shit out of the simulator and found nothing, 3 hours were lost🏁.
My colleague checked his last changes because he had changed a lot at the App Api do to new conditions and those customer wishes💀 he couldn't found anything. So we thought maybe it's my device and the device of the customer. We switched the devices and tada no problem with my devices if the app is builded at the pc of my colleague.
I thought ok maybe it's because I turned some ndk features off. Turned it back on, nothing happened. So we exchanged our Android Studio Settings but no difference. So I said yeah whatever my mashine is just fucked. I restarted my mashine for the third time and started android fucking studio. Some little popup showed up "new updates"... the solution came to my mind ... Do to an update of android studio I excidently turned on Instant Run.....🌋 . I checked it, it was activated, these fucking instant run, great idea but not working... Turned it off, everything worked.
I called the customer because he can't have a problem and he said, this time not angry, oh yeah it was just a notification if I want to turn on my Bluetooth and I decided no and the Bluetooth recording is not recording, this is a problem... -😠NO FUCKING COMMENT😤-5 -
When the purpose of your app starts with a "C" then just replace it with a "K" and tada: You have a cool new hipster name for it!
Example:
Collaborate -> Kollaborate
How cool is that?!!18 -
Most satisfying bug I've fixed?
Fixed a n+1 issue with a web service retrieving price information. I initially wrote the service, but it was taken over by a couple of 'world class' monday-morning-quarterbacks.
The "Worst code I've ever seen" ... "I can't believe this crap compiles" types that never met anyone else's code that was any good.
After a few months (yes months) and heavy refactoring, the service still returned price information for a product. Pass the service a list of product numbers, service returns the price, availability, etc, that was it.
After a very proud and boisterous deployment, over the next couple of days the service seemed to get slower and slower. DBAs started to complain that the service was causing unusually high wait times, locks, and CPU spikes causing problems for other applications. The usual finger pointing began which ended up with "If PaperTrail had written the service 'correctly' the first time, we wouldn't be in this mess."
Only mattered that I initially wrote the service and no one seemed to care about the two geniuses that took months changing the code.
The dev manager was able to justify a complete re-write of the service using 'proper development methodologies' including budgeting devs, DBAs, server resources, etc..etc. with a projected year+ completion date.
My 'BS Meter' goes off, so I open up the code, maybe 5 minutes...tada...found it. The corresponding stored procedure accepts a list of product numbers and a price type (1=Retail, 2=Dealer, and so on). If you pass 0, the stored procedure returns all the prices.
Code basically looked like this..
public List<Prices> GetPrices(List<Product> products, int priceTypeId)
{
foreach (var item in products)
{
List<int> productIdsParameter = new List<int>();
productIdsParameter.Add(item.ProductID);
List<Price> prices = dataProvider.GetPrices(productIdsParameter, 0);
foreach (var price in prices)
{
if (price.PriceTypeID == priceTypeId)
{
prices = dataProvider.GetPrices(productIdsParameter, price.PriceTypeID);
return prices;
}
* Omitting the other 'WTF?' code to handle the zero price type
}
}
}
I removed the double stored procedure call, updated the method signature to only accept the list of product numbers (which it was before the 'major refactor'), deployed the service to dev (the issue was reproducible in our dev environment) and had the DBA monitor.
The two devs and the manager are grumbling and mocking the changes (they never looked, they assumed I wrote some threading monstrosity) then the DBA walks up..
DBA: "We're good. You hit the database pretty hard and the CPU never moved. Execution plans, locks, all good to go."
<dba starts to walk away>
DevMgr: "No fucking way! Putting that code in a thread wouldn't have fix it"
Me: "Um, I didn't use threads"
Dev1: "You had to. There was no way you made that code run faster without threads"
Dev2: "It runs fine in dev, but there is no way that level of threading will work in production with thousands of requests. I've got unit tests that prove our design is perfect."
Me: "I looked at what the code was doing and removed what it shouldn't be doing. That's it."
DBA: "If the database is happy with the changes, I'm happy. Good job. Get that service deployed tomorrow and lets move on"
Me: "You'll remove the recommendation for a complete re-write of the service?"
DevMgr: "Hell no! The re-write moves forward. This, whatever you did, changes nothing."
DBA: "Hell yes it does!! I've got too much on my plate already to play babysitter with you assholes. I'm done and no one on my team will waste any more time on this. Am I clear?"
Seeing the dev manager face turn red and the other two devs look completely dumbfounded was the most satisfying bug I've fixed.5 -
Worst fight I've had with a co-worker?
Had my share of 'disagreements', but one that seemed like it could have gone to blows was a developer, 'T', that tried to man-splain me how ADO.Net worked with SQLServer.
<T walks into our work area>
T: "Your solution is going to cause a lot of problems in SQLServer"
Me: "No, its not, your solution is worse. For performance, its better to use ADO.Net connection pooling."
T: "NO! Every single transaction is atomic! SQLServer will prioritize the operation thread, making the whole transaction faster than what you're trying to do."
<T goes on and on about threads, made up nonsense about priority queues, on and on>
Me: "No it won't, unless you change something in the connection string, ADO.Net will utilize connection pooling and use the same SPID, even if you explicitly call Close() on the connection. You are just wasting code thinking that works."
T walks over, stands over me (he's about 6.5", 300+ pounds), maybe 6 inches away
T: "I've been doing .net development for over 10 years. I know what I'm doing!"
I turn my chair to face him, look up, cross my arms.
Me: "I know I'm kinda new to this, but let me show you something ..."
<I threw together a C# console app, simple connect, get some data, close the connection>
Me: "I'll fire up SQLProfiler and we can see the actual connection SPID and when sql server closes the SPID....see....the connection to SQLServer is still has an active SPID after I called Close. When I exit the application, SQLServer will drop the SPD....tada...see?"
T: "Wha...what is that...SQLProfiler? Is that some kind of hacking tool? DBAs should know about that!"
Me: "It's part of the SQLServer client tools, its on everyone's machine, including yours."
T: "Doesn't prove a damn thing! I'm going to do my own experiment and prove my solution works."
Me: "Look forward to seeing what you come up with ... and you haven't been doing .net for 10 years. I was part of the team that reviewed your resume when you were hired. You're going to have to try that on someone else."
About 10 seconds later I hear him from across the room slam his keyboard on his desk.
100% sure he would have kicked my ass, but that day I let him know his bully tactics worked on some, but wouldn't work on me.7 -
1. Apply to as mant jobs as possible daily on dice/linkedin/indeed
using keyword resumes customized by scrapping
2. Filter out low-effort crap companies and filter out recruiters.
3. Post "dice/indeed/linkedin daily decrapified."
Tada! Fewer time-wasters during the job hunt.
4. Bonus: turn into a search engine.
5. Daily double round: turn crap listings and quality listings into AI training sets. Incorporate into search engine.
If industry can use bullshit hiring filters, we can use application filters!4 -
Fucking Square Enix Website is just a huge pile of shit. NOTHING WORKS!
Wanna change your password? Nah sorry an error occured.
Wanna change your username? Nah sorry I'll just show you a loading symbol forever.
Wanna add a game to your collection? Nah sorry the "add" button is on fucking holiday and doesn't do anything.
Wanna change your avatar? Nah sorry I'll just redirect you and don't do anything.
Most amazing part is where you log in, then get redirected to the home page but it still shows the "Log in" button. Then you click on that "Log In" button and wosh! Home page reloads and tada! You're logged in!
Seriously who let this code into production? Also I know that you're using GraphQL now, due to an error message. Thank you!
Fucking bullshit...6 -
I had an after work meeting, i was supposed to take it from home, i got busy trying on my new dresses and totally forgot 😱😂
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//computer class at school doing html
classmate:"Hey can you help me? that img isnt showing."
me:"Yeah of course" *look at screen and see a single line if code without spaces or anything*
"What are you doing? Why do you write everything in one line?"
classmate:"Ohh you can write it over multiple lines?"
me:"...."
At that time we worked with html for around 2 weeks1 -
"Ralph" has been working on a process that updates a field in a SharePoint list and bellying aching for almost a month. Couldn't use the C# client, too hard...tried to use the SharePoint REST entry point, using C# too complex...Javascript also was overly complex. Tried to use PowerShell, that worked but could only run on the SharePoint Server and it didn't have access to the 3rd party system.
In our stand up this morning, again, he was belly aching he is still not done because of the complexity of SharePoint.
I thought "Good lord...what the frack is the problem? Surely other devs in the world aren't having this much of a problem."
Fire up google...search for an example...copy the MSDN C# example...run it...tada...updated the SharePoint list just fine. Maybe 15 minutes of effort (< 20 lines of mostly copy+pasted code).
Next stand up, I'm contemplating calling him out on the BS, but I suspect he had working code for a while. Wouldn't be the first time he has dragged his ass working on a project until folks get fed up waiting and he has an "intellectual breakthrough" and brags how all his effort was worth the time. Similar to the firefighter who starts fires just so he can 'be the hero'.1 -
Just did something hackerman-ish! 😎
Since a lot of new iPhones are out after the XR, Apple "removed" the page for iPhone XR and redirect to the /specs page. I tried adding /index.html to the url and tada! :D hahah "I'm in!"
Any other ways I could've gotten to this page? I was going to try the sitemap and the web archive.3 -
designer: the distance from the baseline of the letter "p" to the bottom of the box should be 150px exactly. You are 4px off.
me: Erm... baseline?
designer: Yes. Not the "base" or the "beardline". It must be the "baseline" of the font.
me: uh huh....
designer: And it must be the same in all browser, chrome, firefox, internet explorer
me: Orite, lets save the whole Psd and <img src="whole-website.jpg"> Tada!5 -
After one month of coding on Internship (doing website and app for them), I accidentally deleted folder with all code from my MacBook.
God bless disk recovery tools!5 -
I need some time off. Just had this convo with a dev-manager about an 'issue' with our system change mgmt calendar (Blazor) app.
K: "In the system drop-down, it's not filtering when I type."
Me: "Let me check <I attempt to reproduce>, yep, not working. Do you get the same error? Looks like duplicate data from the database is causing a problem."
<this is over MS Teams, about 5 minutes go by with no response, then>
K: "No error, its not working."
<I find the bad data, delete it, TADA, the filtering is working again>
Me: "The filtering is working again, at least for me. You sure you didn't see an error?"
<wait 5 minutes again>
K: "No, no error."
Me: "You didn't see a little red banner at the bottom and in all caps..ERROR"
<send him a screen-shot of the error I still had in another tab>
K: "Yes, I saw that one, but no other errors. Filtering is working again. Thanks"3 -
There are only 10 types of people in the world:
Those that understand binary and those that don't.1 -
Almost everyone is using WordPress, and here I am, looking at the beautifull Ghost, not understanding others.4
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#OAuth logic: Lets make OAuth1.0 simpler for clients.. TADA.. OAuth2.0.. OAuth1.0 looks simpler now??!!
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hey does anyone here have a idea what website i could build?
i know html/css, js, node.js and looked into express lately and would like to build something bigger but i have absolutly no idea what i can do ^^10 -
Best way to measure code quality is by using wtfps method. Less "what the fu#*s per second" you get, better the code is.
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Everything is shit and I have to work drive thru till 11.15pm.
Everything appears to require js at one point or another (though kotlin requires groovy which, in the intellij IDE, the template it COMES with is fucking broken from the start)
c# could work (and microsoft shop jobs are plentiful) but fucking VS code is a headache and microsoft seems intent on locking everyone into VS and making everything they touch turn to shit, like the king midas of diarrhea (thanks MS, monodevelop is source only on windows). Also c# for android (xamarin) requires apache cordova to do anything, which means...TADA, FUCKING JAVASCRIPT and all the other shit it brings with it.
Java seems like an option, lots of jobs available, but I need netbeans for desktop (javafx) and Android Studio
separately in order to do anything. And Android Studio now uses, of all things...FUCKING GROOVY.
*cocks gunfinger and points in mouth*
why must every fucking thing be it's own DSL and make everything about the fucking ceremony of configuration over
fucking convention?
Haven't any of these fucking cocksuckers heard of MAKE? Or do they just masturbate over how intelligent and smart they are for having reinvented the god damn WHEEL?
I'll see you at the drive through. Will that be all for today?9 -
I attempted on national competition in an IT field, where there were tens of great projects (in other fields as well, like chemistry and so..). We had to push everything to their portal, so they can study it in advance. While pushing the docs, I found that there were SQL injections that allowed me to list everyone's rating and to download every single doc / additional sources.
Worst part is, that even after I reported vulnerability, they obviously didn't had time to fix it. -
Today was too hot to focus and get something done. So we watched Conjuring movie and we will better code some stuff from home.
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That is how you will look after a 100 year when you take a photo with your cool electronic devices looool1
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Need to add funcionality into badly written code. Moral problem: I don't want to even look on that code, but I don't have time enough to rewrite that part.2
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can anyone recommend me a go laptop for school? and whats your opinion on the Microsoft Surface Pro?8