WHOA
My grandpa just gave me 100$ for fixing his TV:

-And here is you paycheck son...
-What? Noo, it was literally 2 minutes factory reset, I don't need this :D
-Oh come on. I'm not paying you because you because you pressed some buttons. I pay you, because you exactly knew which buttons to press. Now, take it!

Truly, the man of honor...

Yeeeeeeeee! My granddaughter yelled up to me, "Grandpa, I'm programming!" She was doing some kid code game thing. Ten years old. I can hope, can't I? 😁

“That regex almost worked, lemme just tweak it a bit–”
*2 hours later*
“Fuck it we’re processing strings character by character with a while loop like granddad did.”

*calls grandpa I don't usually talk to that much to congratulate him for his birthday*

*grandpa picks up*

*congratulates*

Him: so, I know that you study CS and I was working on something [Word document at the moment] and my letters keep getting different sizes! Sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big, sometimes they're in between! I have to erase everything everytime because they just get messed up every time!

Me *sighing, but confused because upper-case and lower-case are the same with "big letters" and "small letters", respectively, in my native language: have you checked Caps Lock on your keyboard?

Him: What is that? I have Esc, 1, 2, 3,... (proceeds to read me the keys on the keyboard)

*explains where caps lock is*

Him *gets angry*: no, you don't understand, sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big and sometimes in between! Caps Lock doesn't solve it! *proceeds to read the keys from the keyboard again*

*thinking that maybe it's the font then, asks about the Word version, to know what to point him to*

Him: WHAT? Word? No! I'm using my keyboard! What don't you understand! I explain to you and you have no idea!

Me: well, I'd need then maybe to see the screen

Him: I'm so angry with you, you say you study so much but are not even able to help me with such a small problem. I'll just find someone else. Thanks for your wishes *hangs up*

And this is how I only tried to congratulate my grandfather for his birthday but turned into a "failing" tech support. I just wanted to be a good granddaughter

Friends Pandemic December proposal: "We should all get on Zoom every weekend, play Christmas trivia games and do shots"

Family ideal Pandemic December: "Lets send each other Secret Santa presents throughout the whole month, and get on Zoom and unpack them"

Me: Chilled out on a reclining seat next to a freshly slaughtered green fir tree, burning hearth fire, warm wool sweater, faux fur slippers, big mug of liquored up hot chocolate, keyboard on my lap, writing a Rust library on big screen TV.

Sorry friends & family, y'all are doing holidays wrong.

Happy holidays.
-- signed, Grandpa Bittersweet.

#Rant
German-Rant :)
English:
Q: What have my grandpa and my router together?
A: An SS - ID

Every time i finish a website i show it my grandpa because if he can use it then probably everybody can.

That feel when your grandpa taught himself how to stream movies online and asks you to finally teach him how to torrent.

I'm so proud.

I know a guy who writes everything in Haskell.

He started learning it because his parents got him into a math school (and math schools in Russia use either Python or Haskell), he liked it, but later he dropped out. Today, apart from Haskell, he only really knows HTML and CSS, and maybe some JavaScript.

He writes backend AND frontend in Haskell and uses some kind of JRPC stuff to manage all that. He told me that his life is a pure heaven. He IS RELEVANT (!!!!!!), his apps always run without bugs (because in Haskell you can mathematically prove that there are no bugs), they are performant, faster than C (because you can't write a complex enough app in C that will be as efficient as compiled Haskell, because it's you vs compiler). He doesn't have any problems in life whatsoever. He never got burned out, he never got anxiety or depression. He doesn't act pretentiously and stuff, he's just a normal person who rarely even mentions that he can program.

Science says it can't be done! You can't only know Haskell and be a relevant software engineer! You know what, he didn't _know_ it was impossible. He's like that grandpa from a meme, he got Alzheimers, but because of it he forgot that he had Alzheimers, and now remembers everything.

The fun thing is that he looks like a typical gopnik, with adidas suits and stuff.

What a gem of a person.

*is expecting guests and while waiting his coding*

*Bell rings*

ME: Hey Gradma Grandpa welcome.

Grandpa: Here's my phone fix my storage and install FB Messenger for me

AT LEAST FOR GOD SAKE SAY HI TO ME. IM YOUR NEPHEW FOR GOD SAKE NOT SOME RANDOM HUMAN BEING.

So we are a development company, we have some remote coders.

This one is very good coding BUT

Sometimes he disappears and then comes back with an history, the other day he said his grandpa was about to die of cancer so he had to go to see him.

Three days ago, he had to finish a landing page manager, in React. just a form and unzip (nodejs server side) the files... It was not so difficult.

He said was going to finish later that day.

Then he disappeared, for 3 days!

And i got a message from him on facebook saying he got robbed and he was going to rent a laptop to continue working.

Then i asked if he had any progress on the code before that happened. and he started sending
me screenshots of the code , but in one screenshot i was able to see a part of the desktop background. Checked on the history of files @ Slack and that was his background lol.

Please guys , don't do these kind of things.
If he had told me that he needed to study or something i would have understood him

Now i feel i cant trust him anymore.

Moral: Lies/attitudes like these one can have a big negative effect on your life and you will miss some big opportunities!

I'm tired of women who tell they don't like to work with women! You're not going to become a better dev by imitating a sexist grandpa. Men won't like you more: event if they didn't like women either, you're still a female... And other women will just try to avoid working with you. Why would I bother to work with someone who judges me before we even start?! 🙄

I got a resume where instead of attaching his resume, the poor guy accidentally attached a letter from his mom telling him to get a job and stop taking money from his grandfather. He didn’t get an interview either. I still wonder if he ever stopped mooching off his grandpa.

When I have low motivation, I just remember that through my teaching, my 79 year old grandfather learned how to stream videos on his own, asked me to teach him how to pirate movies using torrents and bought himself a smartphone and now sends me emojis.

If he can do all that, I can tackle my Dapp. Thank you Dedushka.

Well, i have a few stories i would like to share with you :)

My neighbour asked me to fix her webcam.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a repair service .

Next time my neighbour forgot her Skype password. Se asked me to hack it for her.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a hacker.

My sister asked me to help her out in her program, because of some bug. Well, she is in the other part of the Country. But, i said, lets give it a try.
Well, it turned out to be some kind of mechanical remote scanner, with needed that exact same remote locally.
I told her: But I am a programmer, not a fictional remote signal scanner repairer.

My grandpa asked me, to copy his old gmail emails into his new laptop.
Well, i told him to log in. He logged in. Than i told him: It is done :D

Thanks for reading it :)

No grandpa, I don't scam people online. I am a web developer - I earn my living online, building web apps, plugins, etc. (and stuff that you won't really grasp). And again, stop telling people that I'm lazy - I don't watch movies on my computer from 8AM-5PM. Lovely grandma, please don't believe him.

Grandpa- "so what do you do for a living.. any sports?"
Me-"no, I actually program, you know mess around with computers"
Grandpa-"oh." *looks at my father disapointed*

My girlfriend's mom has breast cancer, which started spreading. My grandpa has leukemia and I need to finish my masterthesis this month... I'm sorry to bother you guys with it but I'm really not sure how to hold my shit together any longer...

So I have been looking for a job for so long now. I keep losing faith every single time I get the dreaded "thank you for taking the time to apply but we did not find a match for you at this time" I am having such a hard time staying optimistic!

I've seriously lived thru some fckd up last few years, my father died, my grandpa died and I didn't get to see either of them.

I filed for a divorce from the worst most scamming fraudulent person ever and have survived and have come out the other side, thankfully I am rid of him and all crappy people in my life. I did it all without a plan on how to make it all better, I just went with it by knowing I didn't know where I would end up but I sure as hell wasn't going to stay in that situation, nope, not a chance.

While going thru a contentious divorce and court dates, I was also learning to code--it kept me looking forward to something. Once I graduated and received my certificate . . . PANDEMIC.

Now I am competing for jobs with people with years of experience! how am I ever going to get a job in this type of situation?
I know this has to end sometime and I will eventually be able to get a job but seriously how do you stay optimistic with so many rejections non stop day after day?

this is horrible and I don't know what else to do. I'm glad I found this space for my rant.

Best Linux distro for a grandpa?

I've just installed Linux Mint KDE and while it feels a little stiff, I don't know any linux that's better.

I only develop UIs with react and only ever with functional components

I would actually DIE without my MacBook Pro 16”

I spend roughly 30 minutes a day trimming my beard. I’m a civilized man after all

I only drink Starbucks coffee, and only if it’s a triple pump latte

Ew what’s jQuery? Sounds like something my grandpa used

Omg really? Are you still using PHP in 2020?! Lame!

Gross. Windows is for n00bs and Linux is for nerds. macOS FTW

Post is comprised of quotes from a classmate who annoyed the living hell out of me

I just want to share my very first companion. Haha... This is btw my laptop way back 2011, used it to store highschool memories and silly stuff, if you know what I mean. This is the laptop that I first used the labrynth of directories such as A folder contains A to z Folder and again inside one of those contains A to z again lowered and upper. This is also my partner in coding C++ back in the days, I usually write code in paper and when back to school I used our lab's computer. Ohh and I also have my anime addiction started on this too! One time I discovered the side VGA and connected it to our big LCD screen but by the time I plugged it in, it produce explosive sounds, and my grandpa said that that lcd tv is only for 110v not for 220v. I learned the importance of voltages that day. I just went back and open it to backup my highschool memories and stuff to my external hdd. Ahhhhh memories.

I've been staffed on a old ongoing project, first day.
0. Compatibility has to be guaranteed down till IE9... ppf.
1. Front end made in XHTML+JS(jQuery)... bah, ok.
2. XHTML+JS is actually generated by PHP5.4, not a line is actually statically served... beh, funny, ok.
3. PHP files are the output of an XSLT transform of a bunch of XMLs... meh, seriously? Oooook.
4. XMLs are the product of the serialisation of a truck of stateful JavaEE6 DTOs populated magically (undocumented) with data coming from a SQL DB... WTF mode!!!
5. Session logics lives within PHP-land at point 2, front end makes ajax calls here that propagates to another WS out of our control that triggers -somehow- (undocumented) our Java backend at point 4 to generate new XMLs and then reach front end again. Kill me now.

Boss: look... it's too slow for the client, it's too heavy on our servers: fix it. Ah, and we sold 85% test coverage by October. You're the man for the job. (I'm a Node.js fullstacker and right now there's not even a testing scaffold, ofc).
Me: prod is on Linux or Windows?
Boss: RHEL7.
Me: rm -rf / as root. Done.
Boss: I know I know...
Me: ...

I think time has come...

My grandpa is using his computer for video editing and creating photo books. His setup was:
- A 100GB SSD for C
- A 1TB HD for D
The problem:
He never had more than 6GB free on his C Drive because somehow Windows and his programs filled it all with some utter bullshit which couldn't be removed or whatever.

So I promised him to install Linux for his Emails and Surfing and create a Windows 10 VM for him to use his programs.

The Linux installation from downloading a iso over creating a bootable drive to actually installing it was faster than finding the fucking Windows 10 Iso.

Which was about the same time as installing fucking windows because this bullshit prints out one fucking line at a time and then waits for you to read it for 15 motherfucking seconds before printing the next line.

And don't get me started on the fucking telemetry.

My grandpa just called me and asked if I could remove some Facebook notifications from his phone. I know it's been milked to the moon and back, but I'm a programmer, not IT.
I guess I don't blame him, though; in his mind, that's probably what all programmers do.
Here's the real wtf thing: he told me that after I messed with his phone last time I saw him, it's been sooo much faster. WTF I NEVER MESSED WITH YOUR PHONE ALL I DID WAS ADD MY CONTACT INFO

why me

My grandmother started dating soon after granddad's death.
Death of Grandpa: fuser -k 80/tcp
Announcement to all programs, port 80 is now free

So i was working on ruby gem that wraps the libarchive C library which can be used to read and write archives of many different formats.

I was stuck for few days with a segfault and for the life of me, i couldn't find the problem.

So, i took a break and went to visit my grandparent, grandpa saw me so zoned out. So he was like, whats happening? I was like, "Frakinn program, keeps crashing".

He looked at me and said, "Garbage in Garbage out, Computers don't make mistakes" and went back to finish his game.

Then it him me the FRAKINN Ruby Garbage collector is freeing in-use objects and suddenly everything make sense.

Thank you grandpa :D

-10C winter is unpleasant. -20C winter is dangerous.

-40C winter is cruel. This was the reality of living in Komi Republic — the place I was born in.
Winters there combine extreme dryness with extreme cold. Steel on steel always sparks — gotta be careful at gas stations. Because there is no wind, you don’t actually feel like you’re freezing until it’s too late. If you’re drunk — and everyone there was drunk — you’re walking home, you see a bench, you think: “I’ll just rest for five minutes, no big deal”, and you’re found frozen to death the following morning.

My grandpa once forgot one year old me on the street at night, while — you guessed it — going to get something to drink. I spent something like three hours out there.

I barely made it. Now, my legs don’t feel cold anymore.

Got a little coding buddy from my grandpa 🙃

Sorry I haven't been as active lately, however this is one of the better prompts, so I feel I should have it in my track record. Beware, it's a long one...

Let's trace the roots: My uncle was building desktops and he told my dad he'd build him one if my dad paid him for the components. These days I know builds aren't rocket science, but back then my parents didn't do their research. So my dad paid him.

Give or take some time, and most of the parts are complete. He underestimated the prices of a few things and had to ask for $200 more to complete the build. This...caused my dad to explode.

Later, I heard my dad ranting to my stepmom in January 2017 about how the last convo he had with his brother was a "Fuck-you conversation" - it was the last because my uncle had died in 2003.

Flash forward to March 2017. My mom and I are sitting in a Fazoli's, a nice sunset out of the full-length windows. I had to probe. HAD TO.

"You promise you won't tell your dad I told you this?" she asked.

"You know Kellie and I can't stand to be around him." I replied.

As the story goes, that last "Fuck-you conversation"? Over a fucking measly $200. Yup, the last conversation between my dad and his brother to ever happen was a shouting match over a relatively short amount of money. I wish I could say my dad had remorse, but he doesn't. He still talks shit. He's also technologically illiterate, so I doubt there was a way his brother was going to be able to reason with him.

In late 2003, my uncle, who had been a smoker, passed away due to cardiac arrest. The build was still not finished. This was one of the OTHER things that I have mixed feelings about.

After my uncle passed, my aunt paid someone to finish the build and get it shipped to my dad. We'll get back to why I feel this is fucked up, stay tuned...

---------

It's Spring 2004. I'm in the last half of what I think is Kindergarten or some shit...too lazy to do the math. Anyway, my dad announces we have a family computer - however, I couldn't read yet. That didn't stop the waste of oxygen that is my father from going in the Windows XP screensavers and putting text in that said "GAGE MORGAN WILL NOT TOUCH THIS COMPUTER." He's such a fuckin' dick, now AND back then.

My mom had an issue with this. I don't know why, but she did. Later, I was slowly taught how to use the mouse, under heavy supervision. Then I went to my grandma's house. She taught me one very specific thing on her old Win98 (386, maybe? IDK my old hw shit man), and because I know you guys are gonna love this one:

"The blue "e" opens up your games!"
The blue "e" does not open up your games, it opens something that can lead to your games.

I went home and tried this...without permission. My dad came down and discovered my lollygagging on the homepage - this is fucking weird. It was before Nextel, IIRC, so Sprint's logo was red still. Yes, we had broadband from Sprint. I don't know what saga led to that going the way of the dodo, but...

Back on track, I literally got my pants pulled down and had my bare bottom beat. He was gonna drag my ass upstairs and lock me in my room, but before he could, he accidentally slammed MY FUCKING RIGHT TEMPLE into the corner of a hardwood table at the bottom of the staircase.

The wailing that resulted probably was different than the previous form, which is probably what got my mom involved. My dad had a way of going too far, and in retrospect I'm more terrified now of what could've happened than I was then.

Later, I was given access to games in the form of my own account and bookmarks bar. That wasn't the end of the madness/drama from my use of that machine, but it was the earliest form.

Ever since Kindergarten, that one fateful day, I've been defying any/all imposed limitations on tech set on me by my parents...well, not anymore, but literally grades K-12. I'm living on my own, aka "adulting" now. It sucks more than you think, man.

---------

Let's tie this up before I reach the limit. I said I thought it was fucked up when my aunt paid to have the build finished and shipped to us after my uncle's death.

Yes, my aunt's intervention led to me ultimately majoring in computer science.

That doesn't change the fact that she shouldn't have done it.

My dad was an asshole to her husband, who passed. She is ultimately too caring. I don't think my jackass father should've been able to get by with that, he didn't deserve the freebie. Someone else should've told him his brother did in fact need that $200.

I haven't seen her IRL since the funeral when my grandpa passed in 2005. 2006 spelled the end of my parents' marriage.

Hope you guys enjoyed this - it's only a small segment of how I got to where I am now - tiny, actually.

I almost died of hypothermia as a kid. My drunk grandpa went out to drink even more with his friends, forgetting about me and leaving the stroller with me sleeping out there on the street. It was negative forty-two degrees Celsius. I was one year old.
I made it, but developed an awful pneumonia. By some kind of miracle, I made it again, but at the expense of becoming a really weak kid. I had two more pneumonias during high school, plus one case of sinusitis.
Told my grandma I got ear pain in the morning. We went to our local clinic. The doctor there said I have to be hospitalized RIGHT NOW, otherwise it might turn into a life-threatening meningitis. By the time we’re in the hospital, the pain is already unbearable. My vision becomes blurry and dark, I hear my pulse in my head, I lose the sense of time. At that point I’m laying on the hospital bed, motionless, quietly sobbing while the terrible pain is swallowing me, a tiny kid, whole.
I’ll never forget the sound of a sinusitis needle crushing through a porous bone inside my head. A glass worth of pus rushing out. The pain immediately going away.
All that because of one man addicted to alcohol. This is why I don’t drink.

My grandpa thougt me assembler when i was 7, I modded an hard drive with him (multiple write heads on one disc). Then i learned pascal. As my fathel work at sap, i got a free webdew course. And now, im "learning" c++ (rather sharpening my skills than learning)

my day went to shit immediately... long night, got to sleep at 4AM, poked awake at 8AM, "hey wake up we gotta go to a town 200 miles away, dress like you're rich, we gotta go find a place to live for my new job" ugh, fine, got another 30 minutes or so of sleep in the car. We get there, the guy shows us a place that I physically can't fully stand up in and is like 600-some square feet for $750/month. Fuck that. We get halfway back home, "hey i forgot, we just finished renovating a new unit, come look!" goddammit gotta go BACK to the city... get there, it's a 2-floor 1200 square foot place for $675, a hell of a lot better. We leave to go see relatives in town, get a call, "hey hurry home your grandfather's hallucinating" we get there before an ambulance (we traveled 120 miles in less time than an ambulance took to drive 50 miles...) and my grandfather's hauled (by us, as the ambulance refuses to take him to the right hospital, they want to take him OUT OF STATE in an ambulance and he's not actively dying) to the VA in the city we were just in... he's immediately screened and his dementia has progressed to the point he needs to be in a nursing home in 12 hours somehow. I have no idea either. Anyways, we're about 3/4 of the way back home and it's now 2:40AM. My dad's been driving for 18 hours pretty much straight. I'm still awake, he's wired (the worst possible state to be in while driving) and family drama has happened as family members are already trying to take the land my grandpa lived on AND HE'S LITERALLY ONLY BEEN GONE FOR 6 HOURS.

so how was your day?

Sitting at work. Just had a convo about older versions of Visual Studio. I was like "you youngins with you intellisense and backwards compatibility. In VS2005 we had to climb 15 miles in the snow. Uphill. And when we only had 200 compatibility issues with VS2008 we thanked Microsoft for the privilege. What Linux? You think my school provided Linux? Linux is for earners. Top sellers. Leaders of men. Cross-platform compatibility meant that it worked on a Dell with Windows and a Gateway with Windows. I tell you those were dark times."

Weirdest moment ever in a CS class:
Course on probabilistic theory. Excercise mentions something about balls in 4 hats. Prof starts to draw them on a chalkboard in a shape of upside down male genitalia. Before finishing the second one starts to giggle.

Dude is a 70 yo grandpa.

The letter for my grandpa. Too bad he died the year before I was born, my grandma said he would’ve loved talking to me because it seems like we have the exact same ways of thinking.

Going back home for the holidays means becoming tech support for pretty much the whole family, unluckly.

As soon as I enter my grandparent's home, my grandpa says "Could you print some emails?". I open his laptop, and I start sweating as soon as I see the Windows XP logo popping up. He (obviously) doesn't remember his password, and the only way to access his (mostly defunct) web mail service is Outlook 2003. For some reason, the web mail provider's POP3 server dies, and i spend half an hour trying to explain it. I ended up leaving with him saying "Why are you even going to a computer engineering university."

Ah, family.

So I just restored a computer for my grandpa
it was quite the task because I had ot learn how to use revovery grub but finnaly I was able to get linux.
ALEXA PLAY CHAMPION BY QUEENS

Fucking Android 12 everybody hate it, it's ugly, and what has changed from 11 besides everything you already know. 90% of time pressing volume down + power to take a screen shot will result with volume bar popup first then screenshot, so your screenshot is dirty with volume bar.
They must have adjusted time threshold between how fast/precise press of both buttons is, and now you kind of must be faster and alwas this "I need to press 2 buttons but power must be pressed first"

So fuck you google engineers for ruining Android in every sense. I want revert path, I'm going back to 11!!
It's a first major upgrade that is worse than previous, and those ugly tiles and notifications, cool they are big for what exactly? I still can't operate the phone with hand gloves on the motorcycle with tiny keyboard buttons.

It's like everything is tiny and then grandpa style huge top drawer icons for who knows what with so fucking annoying scrolling text, for fuck sake 11 had is just perfect!

My grandpa tells my mom that she can work with me on computers because we both type. She's a secretary.

In-laws are vacationing in London right now (wife's parents and aunt/uncle), so to keep in touch with the kids, I installed+configured Skype on their phones (these are folks in their 70s, no where close to tech savvy), I think they are good to go.

Last night we try to connect (I 'see' them online)...nothing, so we call.

Me: "Did you see or hear the skype notification?"
Grandma: "Was that you? My phone made a weird sound I never heard before and I saw your picture. I wasn't sure what to do so pressed the red button."
Me: "Its the same sound and picture I showed you before you guys left, remember? That's OK, the kids want to see you and say hi. Hang up and when you hear the sound and see my picture, click the green accept button"

I try again...ring..ring...nothing. About a second later we receive a text "Grandpa hit something and your picture went away. What do I do now?"

So, I try again...ring..ring...they finally pick up (we can only hear them)

Grandma: "Hello...hello? I don't hear or see anything, damn it Fred, what did you hit?"
Grandpa: "Nothing Betty, you aren't holding it right, turn it sideways .."
Wife: "Guys..we can hear you, can you see us?"
Grandpa: "Press this button with the line crossed through it .."
Wife: "Dad.."
Grandpa: "Hey!..See Betty, you had the phone turned wrong. Can you see us?"
Me: "No, you may have hit the video button..it looks like a little video camera, press it."
Grandma: "We did...nothing happened."
Me: "Are you sure? Try it again. The image may be grey or a little darkened, I don't remember."

Then we lose the sound.
Wife: "Oh good Lord they muted us. We're going to have to forget Skype and call them..."

All of a sudden we get video and sound. Cheers all around.

Then I hear in the background..

Uncle: "I thought 'PaperTrail' knew what he was doing? Apparently not."

I heard that and FU you, you old bastard. If you weren't a millionaire and paid for their London trip, I'd take 'knew what he was doing' and shove it up your ass when I see you.

Sick of manually punching holes in punchcards, moved to microcode on the mighty DEC PDP-11...time for my nap.

I woke up this morning thinking "what if Trovalds doesn't GPL-released Linux" and i got like all:

Edit:
*Shooting stars music
:v

My grandpa cannot find his car.
Help please - Error 404

Top 3 worst phrases to say during sex:
3. My grandpa died on this couch
2. Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
1. Scared, Potter?

Its a confession...
So yesterday we had a practical in our uni... It was on Assembly Language (NASM and TASM)... Its a horrible language to work on... Trust me... I hate it, infact... We all hate it at the uni... But the thing is... We need to pass the practical in order to sit for the theory, and it is really hard language.... So most of my friends brought pen drives... And some brought chits... And sadly... All of them got caught... And were marked as fail right away... But the thing is I also cheated... And I copied successfully... I didnt use any pendrive or removable media... But I used ssh to my cloud server... And since I code on vi, it was pretty easy for me to cheat in the practical... I feel bad that I cheated.... But then I feel proud as well because I used the tech of this generation to copy, and not some grandpa shit like pendrives...
Yeah... That was it... The codes did rain in the exam..
I know I am a horrible person.. But common guys.. Who am I kidding... I am proud that I didnt use any clichè methods... And was talented enough to do so without getting caught...

I’m just lazy af, so I spend hours to let something else do the actual work.
That’s why grandpa created farming devices, that’s why I use software to my life easier.

It worked once, I liked it, I continued.

My favourite bug fix was actually IT based and it was the first time my Eastern European, critical of my skills, family not only praised me but claimed that I was smarter than them.

My grandfather had changed from a telecom to a VOIP device for his landline. For some reason after installation, he could hear the other person on the line but they couldn't hear him. Me and my mother were away during this time so they called in the other family IT guy. This guy is no joke, he's one of the top in his company and makes a sweet six figures and lives in a mansion.

So he started looking things up, googling forum, etc. Couldn't find anything. Started calling the tech support and tried to deduce what it was and their tech support had never heard of such a problem. He takes his lunch breaks to help out my gramps. Keeps escalating, escalating and nothing. His conclusion is that they need to send him a new VoIP stick and they're not giving it to him. At this point, he's so frustrated that he screams at my grandfather to go back to paying 60 bucks a month for landline and to stop bothering him.

At this time me and my mother return and they have concluded that they need a new stick. My mom is great at intimidating people into free stuff so she and I go over to do so. At this point everyone is convinced of the problem and even I don't think I could fix it. But I decide to check if that's the case because I don't want my gramps to get a new stick and it still doesn't work.

I go through the typical forum hunting and there's Nada on the problem. I look at the stick and all the lights seem to be working, no error lights. And I wonder maybe the problem is not the stick, because usually you can't do anything at all if the hardware is broken. So I start thinking, maybe my gramps accidentally muted his handset while talking or something dumb like that. That wasn't it.

Then I decided to see if the problem was recreated on the other handsets. I tried one out and my mom could hear me but I couldn't hear her. What?! That's different! It was the opposite with the other phone. I conclude that it's working and there's something up with the handsets. So I go and do a reset on all of the handsets to make sure.

Lo and behold, the problem is fixed. It took me 25 minutes to solve. That guy gave up after a week of trying. My mom who assumed my IT skills were on par with other kids and nothing special had finally seen me up against an opponent, and not any opponent, a six figure high ranking IT specialist. And I didn't even use any secret, complex software knowledge that wasn't accessible to her or any other normal user.

That's when she finally said that I was smarter than her, that I just used my common sense. She would've needed some kind of prompting, hint or direction to solve the issue but I did it without any.

It was a very satisfying bug to fix.

Not a productive day. I wanted to restore part of database from test server but downloading data using reat api was getting timeouts.

I made simple app that dumps data and I launched process in screen and started watching Dragon ball
I like those old first series with young Songo looking for his grandpa.

After about 2 hours and partial backup still not finished I started to cut crap data from backup script will finish it tomorrow.

Looks like my ux is still ok and views got almost all approved.
Need to fix some shit on backend but I need those backups to work for more complicated customers.

Luckily frontend developer is back so he will handle visual parts.

Maybe we will release new features on the beginning of February.

Skinned my mother alive. She didn’t feel a thing. Threw away everything except the skin itself, but left the head intact. She’s alive and well, albeit can’t move. I roll her up, pack her in my bag and bring her to school with me.
She wasn’t quite against it, but wasn’t happy either. Just kept talking to me condescendingly, as usual.
Meanwhile, my grandpa recreated his room in Excel and moved there.

Genuinely asking some rare pokemon php developers that are up to date with the tech (all php devs I know stopped learning when my grandpa was like 5 years old) to show me php code that is not spaghetti bolognese. I am asking this as I am yet to witness such code for the first time in my life (and I am coding since 94')!

I would have never guessed when I my steam deck that my laptop and desktop would die the the same week my grandpa would die. An I would be tasked to make a memorial video for him. But the steam deck is truly the best console ever even does video editing better then I ever expected.

I really hate it when the old guys always get all the say in our architecture. They always want to do it in stupid low level languages too. Ever heard of Go and Scala? Put away your cane grandpa

Very old vsauce is my grandpa. He comes to me to solve a crime of a man that made 1850000 html links by hand

That rabbit in my grandpa's left table drawer, in the home I grew at. I wanted to finally catch it, and kill it. I was bad with animals all along, especially this one. My grandpa died the year before I was born, and my grandma said we would've got along really well. So much to talk about, a scientist to an engineer. So, I travelled back, but my home somehow turned from a city stone-walled house into a half-soaked, decaying wooden one. I caught that rabbit though, but while I was holding it at its neck and twisting it, it somehow disappeared, distributed evenly as if I were twisting a crayon. I was trying to find it, but in that left drawer, among century-old pencils and that red liquid thermometer I played with as a kid, only a faded out, dusty duckling resided. I picked it up, and unlike the rabbit, it was paper, no, cigarette paper thin. It wasn't hostile. It wasn't trying to run away. It just turned from yellow to grey, feathers leaving my fingers covered in fine dust. I realized it will never die, dwelling and decaying there forever, happy.

I did my calculations, and I knew for a fact when and where the rabbit should've appeared. It was the middle drawer, not the left one. I opened it and looked in anticipation how something chewed through the bottom. I caught it, but it was no rabbit, it was an alive, rubber rat. The rubber was white turned grey, old, aged, dusty, probably Soviet. I poked the rat's eye with a pen rod, but the rat's body inflated a bit, leaving it invincible. It was mocking me.

Of the same white rubber, a ball appeared. I knew for a fact it was alive too, I felt the bones inside holding it. I found its lips, and was prying it open. The massive, dry mouth emerged, with a full set of human teeth, albeit wider and nastier ones. Huge eyes looked at me. It was alive, it was intelligent. It was my grandpa's personal financial assistant all along. It told me to leave the rat and the rabbit alone. He told me not to worry about the ducking, as it was in safe hands.

It made friends with my brother during the "blue age", when he was wearing thin, worn out rugs instead of clothes, tiny faded blue flowers on them, screaming and annoying my grandma he lived with in that room, not a single person other than the two in sight. The house was slowly submerging. The water was rising.

Need to setup computer for grandpa. Which distro will save me from live time support?

Thought of Chromium OS?

Principle of life 8: Grandpa had blue eyes, Dad had green eyes, chicks are harassing on me.

I cant believe the project I'm working on does not use kubernetes or terraform. Not even docker. How is this multi trillion dollar project even in business?

I feel so sad for not having the opportunity to work with one of the most fundamental and most important technologies to know as a devops engineer... So sad

I cant advance or improve. Im just stuck in their ecosystem like Apple

This corporation is probably ran by 90 year old grandpa men from world war 1. However considering they are so large and still in business this gives me hope that anyone can make it even if you're stupid

Think about it

They are proof that you can run a giant business with hundreds of employees, not use k8s and the most modern devops technologies, and still operate just fine.

The devops code i have to maintain is older than the amount of years i exist. Its very messy and most of this shit is not even devops related. Its more of some kind of linux administrative tasks mixed with 3 drops of actual devops (bash scripts, ansible scripts, ci/cd pipeline)

And yet im paid more than i have ever been paid in any job so far

What should i do. Stay due to "high" money or..ask for a project with k8s. I put "high" in quotes because it is extreme luxury in my shithole country, im now among top 1% earners of the country, and yet i make less than 30k a year. With less than 30k a year i cant buy a good car but i can live very comfortably in my country. I cant complain about this salary since i think its finally enough to invest to get a chance to earn more and still have enough left to live comfortably.

Before i was just working to survive. Now im working to live. Its an upgrade.

Due to not working with difficult stuff like k8s i cant demand for more money. It wouldnt feel justified. I'm stuck here

What would u do

Executing a docker image without having a minimum amount of trust in it beforehand is like your grandpa clicking on a random lottery winner ad.

My father is a programmer! He loves it and my grandpa realized with joy that I might make him proud by becoming successful! The family is proud and tends to laugh at rants here etc! <3