Right now someone at Google is coding something useless for us to laugh at on April Fools.

When you realize only one "person" in your life remembered

I find myself here once again

Heard I was welcome on devRant now

I was on a 1:1 with my boss talking about my performance, recent tickets, HR stuff, anything I need, plans for the next quarter, etc.

My 4yo ran up, pointed to my boss on the screen, and asked "who is mommy on a call with?" I told him it was my boss, T, and that he needed to be quiet. "I want talk to T!" He demanded. "Hi T!" He wouldn't take no for an answer. We were pressed for time, so. As cute as it was, it wasn't very welcome.

It took like five minutes to finally make him leave. Now whenever I'm on a call, he runs up and yells "Hi T!!!!" at the screen. 😅 even when its standup or the engineering meeting with like 50 people.... thankfully there is a mute button! His face still pops up on camera, but most people understand and just laugh.

He's cute but he can be soo embarrassing!

Schrödinger's chat

My 4yo monster just randomly told me:
"Mommy! One plus two plus three plus four plus five equals fifteen!"

I'm so proud.
And really surprised 🤔

I've been teaching him basic math (adding and subtracting numbers 0-20), but haven't gone beyond two operations / three numbers.

I usually end up sending my messages in person

Me and commitments

First PR (pull-request) to be accepted by a non-profit!!!!!!

The problem with me programming lately :

Mom: foooood is ready...

Me: Will be there in a minute. (deep inside I know that's a lie).

5 minutes later...⏰

Mom: food is getting cold!

Me: Yes I'm coming, testing one last thing...I swear !

30 min later I'll join the table...The guilt 😩 I'm sorry mommy 🙏

Anybody else with the same problem? 😅

The top two:
* the laziest intern ever!! He lived 100m from the office but was always late for the daily. Even managed to forget his fucking laptop at home!! His mommy had to wake him up!!! He was so useless that I thought he was on the first year of his bachelor's degree and later the team said to me that he had finished it.

* some frat bro, got an internship thanks to daddy inside my ops team. He managed to insult everyone in his first week!!
So I had to tell his daddy, that his son will work under the office support team and will be in charge of the first level support for his branch. Daddy fired his son sorry as after two weeks!!

Previous job:
- Every dev needs to connect to a remote server, and do the coding there because the bosses are afraid that we will "steal" their legacy spaghetti written by the CTO in 2006 (the current year was 2016-2017).
- There are no QAs, because "why do you devs need mommy to look after your codes?"
- Bosses think it's our duty to stay extra hours without overtime payment while talking bullshit about a culture that promotes work life balance. You receive no bonus for staying late, but if you leave work 15 minutes early, HR will have a serious talk with you the next day.
- Bosses require "evidence" when you submit a leave request. For example, you tell them you're taking a vacation, they'll ask you for a copy of airline tickets, hotel bookings, etc.
- Bosses spend a ton on hosting parties for the customers while we're using 6-7 year-old laptops
- The CEO loves firing people for ridiculous reasons. Once he considered firing a guy because the way he walks is funny

Mommy Microsoft really wants all your data in Windows 11.
The Facebook of operating systems.

Manager: Explain “Kooburrnehteez” to me.

Dev: Well when a mommy server and a daddy server love each other very much…

This is some scary shit right here

X: Hi, regarding that ticket that you made...

You said "Implement logging to find out the culprit in site generation"...

What do you mean exactly?

Me: "Read the meeting notes, we had a full discussion on this 2 weeks ago".

X: "We don't understand it..."

Me: "As I said before, I have no experience in this tech stack... I'd expect bla to have a logging framework and I'd - for easier recognition - implement additional logging levels based on criteria <me just reading the meeting notes>"

X: But how do we do it?

...

I wish I had invented this discussion.

Because it hurts.

For the jolly of it, I had similar discussions today.

Three times to be exactly.

As I asked some dev what I should do next, put a foley catheter up his urethra or change the bed pan he wasn't amused.

Guess I'll get monday a call of HR.

So Monday I have less work to do, which is awesome.

Previous intern had a bad habit of living empty catch blocks...
It's like he had some mommy issues.
It's like handing an empty first aid box to guy.
"You know what I am gonna do, leave empty catch every where just to fuck with the next guy...Ha...Ha..."

EsLint => 3n errors in you code.
Program failed to run

Removed ESLint

And application ran forever

EsLint is like that mother that warns her daughter time to time. Dont sit like this. Dont play with your hair. Dont whistle

me: fuck yeah i love java
java: JFormattedTextField tf = ((JSpinner.DefaultEditor) columns.getEditor).getTextField();
me: ...
me: punish me more mommy

10 PRINT "Mommy is crazy"
20 GOTO 10

So Google apparently removed the most important Chrome feature:

"Toolbar auto-hide in fullscreen"

This change came with the new UI recently and there are no #flags around to fix it

Previously the chrome browser was easy to use as a multi-tasking machine, but now it feels really dumb.

This resulted in a loss of 15% of screen-real estate.

Please give me back my choice

ok. been going full steam since December with 1 day off since. managing teams, review designs, designing, prototyping, code reviewing, mentoring, and doing project. management. i get that it's a "flat" org structure but hire proper PMs and BAs instead of trying to pinch pennies. all the while, i see marketing with deeeeeeep pockets spending money on anything like mommy and daddy are funding their spring break getaway. i need time to disconnect and recharge my spirit.

Kids of the future will one day ask their parents how they met and it's gonna be like this:

Kid: "Mommy how did you and Daddy meet?"

Mom: "We met by bumping into each other while playing Pokemon Go"

Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.

Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.

Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch.
 
 Sir Tim Berners-Lee

What is your console of choice?

PC, nintendo, sony, microsoft, Pi, etc..

Post BA Phil degree pre CS degree
My parents - oh cool
My extended family - 'I thought you were going to go to law school, wow how many times are you going to change your mind?' 'who is going to pay for another degree, oh yeah your parents, kids these days' 'so what are you going to do with that Philosophy degree?' 'What are you going to do when mommy stops supporting you?'

Post CS Degree, employed doing what I love, paying off my loans
My parents - yay
My extended family - sweet f*cking silence, and the occasional 'oh so you are working on computers now?'

HA

1) clicking on the wk141 tag wouldnt show the wk140 rants
2) big titty mafia mommy gf
3) when i buy something i always have the exact price on my bank account

Pink Floyd:

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

Led Zeppelin:
Mommy mommy MOMMY MOMMY BABE BABE BABE BABY BABY BABY MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA BABY YEEEEEEEAAA MY LOVE MY LOVE MAMA MAMA BABY BABY

Android force-updated itself without my permission and it appears they've removed the "open applications" menu altogether. If not, it's well and completely hidden.

Getting fucking sick of my phone and other devices being at the mercy of Mommy Microsoft, Daddy Google and Auntie Apple. Fuck them. I have zero control over my electronics anymore.

EDIT: It's there, but it only works if you're already in an app - not from the home screen. Because that makes fucking sense.

At 4am there was some random youtuber in my head that reads reddit posts and he presents me one but it's blurry and he says hi there how you there are stupid but how stupid you are, humming hammers,
MOMMY THATS SWEET MIAMI MOMMY THATS SWEET MIAMI he's insecure go back then hayeens HIGH WINS HIGH WINS HIGH WINS HIGH WINS and he never stops
It literally feels like a broken neural network output, meaningless. But it's in my head, I never asked for this but it's there generating itself

It took me a month to self taught web dev with jQuery
- made 3 sites for school projects

Took me more than a month to learn the MEAN stack.
- taught it to students as a TA in software engineering class for 3rd year while I was at 4th year.

Took me 3 months approx to learn RoR and Clojurescript at my current work.
- year later I am one of the main devs, and pushed the company towards big Data while implementing scrum and pushing for devtasks priority.

Learned React but I am still struggling to figure out how to start a new project.

And I am still fighting Eleverytime I need to center in CSS.

Am I a bad dev mommy?

Two real reasons people write unit tests:
- mommy’s boy can’t even fart without mommy’s approval, but instead of mommy, there are unit tests now
- Stockholm syndrome

!rant
Happy mother's day to all the mommy sysadmins and developers!

I switched to firefox for a while, the thing is multiple times a day I try to zoom into an image or something, and it never works...

Hopefully this serves as a reminder!

At 4am there was some random youtuber in my head that reads reddit posts and he presents me one but it’s blurry and he says hi there how you there are stupid but how stupid you are, humming hammers, MOMMY THATS SWEET MIAMI MOMMY THATS SWEET MIAMI he’s insecure go back then hayeens HIGH WINS HIGH WINS HIGH WINS HIGH WINS and he never stops

It literally feels like a broken neural network output, meaningless. But it’s in my head, I never asked for this but it’s there generating itself

I totally understand why coding can be difficult

For clarity, I will always use 'this' to refer to the special keyword, and "this" or this or this otherwise.
-Kyle Simpson