The next motherfucking asshole, that says there is a shortage of trained IT personnel in Germany, will get their eyeballs ripped out and squished back into their mouth.

I've got my trade degree in mid August. since then I've been without a job. The first 2 months where, bevause my former employer took ages to create my work-certificate (document that shows that you actually worked there and what you did).

Since then, I applied to a multitude of companies and got denied for various reasons. My favorite was "seems unmotivated".

The number of open IT positions is directly correlated to the collective assholelishness and entitlement of HR/management.

Fuck people who say they want to learn to code and then make 0 effort. You try to help them, find them resources, hold their hand, offer to mentor, come up with projects and they still do nothing. A grown ass man who says he wants to be a developer and get would rather play vampire survivors than open a web browser and learn anything. Why do you waste my time?

I guess I am having what is called a burnout.

I feel braindead, unmotivated to do anything, constantly tired and sleepy, and the only thing I want is to hibernate and wake up somewhere in spring.

PhD saga:

The applications have closed and yours truly shall await the results, which could come anytime in January or February.

And so I wait. I hate this limbo since there is nothing for me to do to impact the outcome. What's worse is that I am absolutely unmotivated to do anything else. Since this project is literally my dream, and despite how I'm trying to mentally prepare myself in case I don't get in, there's just something in my brain that goes like "nah. I just want this shiney thing. Just this and nothing else". So I don't even know what to do with myself.

*Sigh*

I read once "productivity is elimination of distractions" or something like that.
And honestly, it has worked so far.

Motivation is even better tho. But if I'm really unmotivated, or anxious, I subconsciously create distractions; then I have to deal with me inner child. Point is, motivation has a direct line to productivity, so I usually don't do what I can't bring yourself to do.

Anything i try in this life, it fails. I have done hundreds, and have 0 successful projects. When someone asks me "what have you done in these 1/4th of a century existing on this useless floating space rock?" ...... I have nothing to say. It would appear as if I've done Nothing. I have nothing to showcase of projects because its not running live on production. It's all on private repositories. The more i try the harder i fail. I am energy drained. I am uninspired. I am unmotivated. Seeing how some 19 year old NOBODY kid just comes out of nowhere, makes NFT project, scams people for millions of dollars and haves fun in his life and doesnt have to work anymore, is fueling me with RAGE. This is starting to become madness. Am i having too high goals and ambitions and that's why i percieve myself as if im unsuccessful? But how is that possible if a 19 year old nobody is capable of becoming a multi millionaire by scamming people in web3? If i lower my goal expectations, then I have no reason to live. I wouldnt care if i die tomorrow or continue living. I wouldnt bother looking left right while crossing the road because I Do Not Care. What must i do to succeed just Once and meet my goals and expectations? I dont understand. I hate life. Life is empty and meaningless. I have became a Nihilist and i believe in that religion more than anything. It makes no sense that someone scams millions by doing jack shit at a young age while someone struggles and tries hard his whole life and still isnt successful even 0.01% of what the 19 year old is. IT. IS. NOT. FAIR.

After (allegedly) coronavirus infection I'm still constantly tired and unmotivated to even eat a week after all symptoms disappeared.

Yay me 😒

What's worst? Demotivated to work for the company or unmotivated to work for the company?