Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "f** tech"
My thoughts when my uncle was introducing me to one of his friends.
(M = me, U = uncle, F = Uncle's friend)
U : Meet M, he is a software developer, he works at * blah *.
M (Internally): That is a very reasonable introduction.
U : * Continues speaking. *
M (Internally): No, staph! It was good enough. Don't go any further.
U : He does * blah blah *
M (Internally): That's not even remotely related to what I do.
U : If you have any tech related problems, he is your guy.
M (Internally): You should have kept shut.
U : If your phone slows down, he can fix it.
M (Internally): Why would you even say that !?
U : He can fix all you printer issues.
M (Internally): Excuse me. What. The. Fuck!?
U : You should definitely consult him before purchasing any tech.
M (Internally): That's it. I give up. There is no hope left.
F : * Gestures U to clam down. *
F : * Nods at M in a very assuring manner. As if he were saying, 'chill bro! Its all cool, I understand.' *
M (Internally): Hold on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is some hope left.
F : So, tell me, how good are you with excel formulas?
M (Internally): * Dies *3
So. My grandma (280 km away) gave me a call.
Grandma: "Hiii. I have a problem with my PC."
Me thinking "ok. Just an ordinary tech support call from granny..."
Me: "Ok. What's the issue?"
Grandma: "Windows tells me there is no space left on drive F, non-stop"
Me: "As far as I know there is no drive F on your PC"
Grandma: "Would you be so kind to have a look?"
I agreed to log on via team viewer.
To cut an already long story short, there was this April Update which sent a bug all around the globe.
This bug exposed an internal drive Windows uses to do its Windows stuff - whatever it is.
Regularly these kind of drives are hidden from users eyes...
I finally solved it by applying a rollback on Windows.
The update is gone and with the next update there will be a fix from May to hide this drives again.
I do you scare grandparents all around the globe?!??12
I programmed a random credit card generator at school and saved it to my :F drive which is the private drive for students to save stuff to. That night I tried accessing my account and it had notified me that it had been locked. I went into school the next day and was called into the office, the principal and Tech Administrator were there waiting for me and asked what the file was. The Tech Administrator tried to describe to me what he found
"This gen.html file seems to be malicious and puts our school at risk. It seems to be some sort of malware and stuff like that is prohibited at school."
Now me sitting in the chair listening to this, laughing in my head just said "okay" and nodded my head because he is the type of person to argue forever. They came to the conclusion to unlock my account by the end of the semester.
Just goes to show that it doesn't take much to get a Tech Admin position at a school.11
Dear Samsung phones... And LG phones... Well, to that matter - iPhones as well...
YOU. DIE. NOW!
All of you and that disgusting, abominable, repugnant shit you call a platform.
Go to the freaking hell, and then in there find another hell and go there too.
Samsung, you tell me: How come it takes me ONE fucking script and 10 minutes of my time to build a project that consists of:
3 Node.js servers
1 ASP.NET core server
Backup provider server
and this all builds into 10 docker containers.
Yes, my dear Samsung, it takes 10 minutes and after 10 minutes I'm getting - plop - one script. I'm running that script on the client's server and in 4 minutes my client is very happy with my own proprietary awesome software that does what my client needs.
And listen Samsung: There is such a thing as a Windows Domain controller. And I spend several years of my life administering those domains. And you know what? After 10 minutes of configs I can make all of my computers to change their wallpapers to display a corporate logo on the screen. Takes only 10 minutes and I don't have to touch users computers. It's doing it's shit automatically.
But now tell me my dear Samsung, how the fuck it happens that one little dweeb would come to me with one of your precious Galaxy S8s would kill 5 hours of my time?!
WHAT. THE. F?
Dweeb: Can you please help me to change my phone? I got a new model?
Me: Sure! (probably would take me like 5 sec, and I like to help people)
Dweeb: Here is my old On5, and here is my new *sigh* SGS8
Me: Ok, let's look at that...
Downloads Smart Switch on the PC.
Try to pull the data from On5 to the PC. Does not work - just hangs there
20 minutes later:
Find a USB adapter and try to copy the data from smartphone to smartphone. Hangs again
20 minutes later:
Export the contacts to the phone memory as vCard and recover them on the new phone - crashes the phone.
20 minutes later:
Find out that the fucking On5 did not export the contacts correctly and the file is damaged.
Spend 20 more minutes in vim to write a script that would patch up the file.
Recover the contacts on the new phone and found out that all photos of the contacts were lost.
*fuck those photos*
Ok, now let's copy the rest. Copy all the documents and other shit like that.
Spend 30 minutes on the phone with my favorite phone provider to swap the phones. (You think you could just swap a sim? No, we don't do that in here! Welcome to USA - sit on the phone with a provider for 30 minutes to swap the number between phones)
Dweeb: Oh, but where are my notes from notes app?
Me: What app? *Ugh, shit. I don't want to help anyone anymore...*
And that's not it, folks! You want to install a trusted root certification authority on your device for a corporate proxy? Well, let's see:
Windows -> Download the cert, Open it, next, next, current user, trusted root certification auth... Done
Linux -> cd /etc/ssl-certificates && wget http://address.com/cert.crt && update-ca-certificates
Mac -> Keychain access -> add certificate -> full trust
Samsung -> Click on the cert, select install and say yes... AND THAN FIND OUT THAT THAT DOES NOT DO SHIT, BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN'T INSTALL THE CERT ON ANDROID>6.0 CAUSE OF THE SECURITY ISSUES. IT JUST WON'T WORK AT ALL.
So my dear user, do you want corporate Wi-Fi in the building? Go screw yourself! You got yourself a device that does not support it. And I don't care if you had paid $1500 for your gleaming S8 with the screen resolution greater than anything I've ever seen before and all that shit. You can't, just can't use the Wi-Fi cause that piece of shit does not accept my certificate.
And if you want tech support - go to Provider's store 5 blocks away and complain to the baboons in there about the fact that your notes app is not working on the new phone.
And you think you can easily deploy a corporate app to a users phones with that Samsung KNOX? NO! You could probably get 2 sleepless nights trying to figure out why the hell this app does not arrive to a thousands of phones...
And you think you can easily write an app that would do what you need? NO! You can't enforce enterprise app permissions on the phones remotely!
And you think you can just change settings on the phones remotely? NO! You would end up going to each phone and manually refresh policies.
And welcome to hell - you will find out that even those policy refreshes would not apply all the rules you want. No, you would have to unenroll the phone, uninstall the app, reboot the phone and reinstall everything and then re-enroll the phone. Fuck, it takes about 1 hour to do that. Per. Fucking. Phone.
Samsung, go lie down under the bush somewhere and die there. Apple can just follow the same route. And (although I never used them, but I don't think they are any better) Microsoft phones can go and die the same way.
In 1999 we had Nokias and no one was managing anything. And that was awesome.16
Hello guys, here is my first rant about my job. So, I work in marketing, mostly content and SEO as the main job and my 2nd job is a somewhat-somehow webgrafic design-something (blame my fiancee for this). This one is about my content job.
As a content, my main role is to translate information (health tech, tech or anything) in a somewhat comprehensive way so about anybody can read my articles. And boy, I love my job, the research part, the writing part, almost everything. But on some days I have to find a way to explain protozoa to normal people. Aaaaaand today I have to explain this shit!
Now, how the f*ck I will manage this, I have no darn clue but I am starting to learn how my dev fiancee feels when he has to explain some complicated stuff to his clients, I swear!9
Dear Hipchat, if you are going to implement an Autocorrect Feature, LEARN THE FN TECH LANGUAGE
if i type gradle i do not mean grade
if i type coap, i do not mean soap
if i type mqtt i do not mean mitt
and for f-shake hipchat is not "hip chat", how do you even mess that one up!
(feature now disabled)4
So, a few months back my mother had some issues with her windows 10 box not being able to do proper backups to a backup partition. At the same time I was pulling insane hours at work and writing on a eBook on commission for a guy, besides having small kids with on and off flu and shit.
Needless to say, I didn't have time to look at the backup issues. Well, even though my mom is one of those dogs you can't teach new tricks, she has always been resourceful enough to get help with things.
This time she picked up the phone and called Microsoft Support, got some guys to remote in and take a look. They messed around a bit and said they were done.
She phoned me up later that day to tell me how proud she was of herself for doing that. Of course, she skipped telling me the important bit about she actually calling them, rather describing it as "Microsoft was just on my computer and fixed it".
You can imagine my immediate reaction, cold sweat running down my back, adrenalin rushing in as I dug through the details of what had happened.
A few days later she calls me up again and tells me the problem is back, and we agree that even though the MS dudes was not able to fix it at first, she should try again, as she had a ticket to reference.
The next attempt by MS actually fried her partitions, and apparently they had f-ed up trying to delete and recreate the backup partition.
That's not the worst of it though. Since they fried her disk, her computer crashed and naturally the remoting won't work. In our country, they have no people on the ground to do hands on help, and they didn't have a partner near by. Her not having a win 10 usb stick, nor a spare computer to make one, she was in a surreal predicament.
She was also quite pissed, and pissed off mums are not to be messed with. She managed to get Microsoft to agree to cover the costs of a non-partner to visit her to fix the problems, and using her as the middle man, they made an agreement with the 3rd-party tech support company.
After the box was fixed though, some more issues arose... regarding billing. The 3rd-party tech support was unable to get in contact with the person at MS that was going to sign off on the bill, and again using my mom as the middle man, it was agreed that my mom, as the customer, was to be reimbursed for the bill to the 3rd-party.
Guess what... 3 months went by, with weekly follow-ups and nagging from my mom, and still no money...
At this time, I had time to help her, and after some digging and borderline stalking, we managed to get the phone numbers of some of the higher ups in my country, and she started calling them directly.
After talking to a couple who refused to help, she reached the Vice President of the country branch, and was finally able to talk to someone who gave a shit.
Still took over a month more to actually get the money, but now she had someone who actually gave her statuses, receipts and ETAs.
F*** companies that give you a coding project to work on and still haven't responded a month after submission. Tech interviews are so beyond f***ed.3
What would you think about sharing something cool (preferably tech related), or weird, or f-ed up about the country or the city you live in?
I'll go first, here in Cluj-Napoca, Romania the internet really fast and dirt cheap like 1gbps fiber for 15€/month.
2. The government paid like millions of € to add ticket vending machines for public transportation and they mostly don't work, I managed to crash one while buying a ticket. Card payment is not functional on like half of them. Also they run Windows......... What a joke...
Looking forward to hear your stories on this topic!4
Warning : This rant is long and is a rant asking for help and suggestions. If you will read and dont leave any comments, please go search other rants. Thanks.
Hi, fellow ranters. In our community, we have a tech class where teens (teens here mean 14yo -15yo) come to learn computer stuffs. Teens here are selected by a test and an interview. There are some teens who are f***ing awesome. One of them are proficient in scratch. (yeah, the orange cat) Another is awesome at PhotoShop, and the other loves windows xp. The teacher uses Microsoft Visual C++ IDE made in the 1990s. The kid sitting to my left made flappy bird with gamemaker. About 10 to 11 teens doesnt know what ctrl+alt+del does in windows and never did programming before... 3 among them always brings coke and oreos and eats super loudly. CRACK! And I bet no one knows about git.
Ok. Enough for the awesome teens. Now what we learn.
We learn C! Yes, C. We learned for, if else, switch and all those stuffs, then learned variables, which made other students who never did programming before be (―,.―).
Next class we will learn about functions in 3 hours. Then array and pointer in 3 hours. Thats it for c programming. Then we do some unnecessary stuffs and time for the finals.
We need to make a project with up to 4 teens as one team. Now I am asking you awesome ranters to suggest some projects for about 4 pros and 16 noobs can do. 10 hours are given in class and we can do in other times by ourselves in home. What should we do? I bet many of them will say to make ascii art in c which is dull and I have no thoughts of doing that.
Any thoughts will be appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
To see my skills, go to my profile page.
| Comments below
Been working a year and a half on an offer for a client to plan their new system. Today they wanted us to construct the whole system and call it a beta only to pay 10% of the total costs. They said it is our responsibility to make the budget work as they are merely the "end users and not tech people". I am considering to tell them to go f**k themselves tomorrow.2
Going for an interview where they told me i had to write an apppication to see the skill level. Okay, im good with that but on the way there now and the agen calls me to ask if im prepared for the test they going to give with their tech lead and 2 directors. F... Why am i so nervous, she did say "basic" test2
*at fast food restaurant*
Friend: Hey ThreadRipper, you should look at the garbage cans here!
F: They're really cool. They've automatic flaps and they compact the garbage afterwards.
You're into tech right?
THIS IS A GARBAGE CAN.1
Do you all sometimes have this strange feeling, that.. actually humanity would not lose anything, if we killed all that useless tech we earn our money with?
Yeah, we get all that propaganda how technical prowess is empowering and sure we all know it's a nice feeling if you can apply the right clicks and bit flips to make the machine do as you want so you feel like the apprentice's sorcerer.
BUT even if you believe your user story adds some business value to some abstract package - what do these devices mostly do? Distract, diffuse your focus, envy other eye-porn provider, endless aberration of clips.
Fuck social media!
(Yes, I know I am on one, but this is because I haven't given up hope on this one.)6