Im a idiot in a world full of idiots

saying git is shit (cite at the end) and nobody professional uses it.
cite:
"GIT ist scheisse, es ist schwer zu installieren und man muss die Kommandozeile benutzen. Das benutzt doch niemand."

What's the difference between a wasp and single loose hair?
Apparently none till the wasp stings :/

Yesterday I thought I had a loose hair on my neck.. ok, I shrug it off.. later again the creepy feeling.. shrugs off..

I continue to work, sumberged in code, wanting to find the fucker (bug, not the wasp/hair).. lean in to the monitor... 10 cents away from the screen... Ok, maybe that's it! Feels the hair on my back, near shoulderblades again... shrugging again more violently to get it further down to fall out.. nothing.. ok, got the bug, threw myslef back in the chair with substential force & BAAAAM!!! Motherfucking hair bit me!! O.o

I scream in horror & on top of the lungs (it was late, after work hours so I didn't expect anyone else still at the office) PROKLETA PRASICA (roughly translated to goddamn female swine).. I previously saw some green bug flying around the office and I thought that nasty thing bit me (didn't know they bite soo, much more horror for me).. O.o

Anyhow, I jump up from the computer and see my coworker looking at me all baffled.. I proceed to franticly take of my headphones and hoodie..thinking about wtf should I do now, I cannot get undressed in front of him (not for my sake, bra is the same as top of the bathing suit for me, but still..I don't want anyone suing me for impropper behaviour of undreasing in front of coworkers..), how the fuck should I get to the toilet?! O.o

C: Are you ok?!
M: Um.. sth bit me..wtf?!
C: There was a wasp flying around somewhere some time ago.. are you alergic?!
M: um..not sure, I don't think so..we'll see soon..

I proceed to the WC, to take off tshirt & check/kill off the fucker.. on my way there (walking funny to not press the hair to my body again) I got another surprise, another coworker was working late..

C2: Are you ok?! O.o
M: yeah, sth bit me, probably a wasp..

Ok, finally on the loo..ok, do not lock self in in case it escapes and you need help.. don't even shut the door. Check.. standing between the doors I contemplate on how the fuck should I take my tshirt off without angering the fucker even more and getting bitten again.. O.O

I lifted the tshirt up my back to let it out.. nope, not there..the creepy felling of buzzing around between my shoulder blades continues.. crap.. what to do?!

I stood there & contemplated the task.. ok, roll up the tshirt to the shoulder blades, not against the body (duh) to prevent further stings..tighten the fabric, so it cannot escape, quickly remove the band from the body.. done..reversed the tshirt and straightened it.. bzzz... Fucker fell somewhere.. Dafaq?! Was it really just a wasp?! If yes, no problem...but what if coworker was wrong and I got bitten by that nasty green whateveritsname bug?! Eeeeewwww! Is it poisonous? Gotta find it & kill it for good.. waited a bit, than saw a goddamn wasp crawl from under the toilet.. wasp!! Yess!! Stopm stomp fucker!!

I get dressed & go back to my desk..

C: Did you terminate it?!
M: Yup, fucker went on a toilet paper trip down the drain!!

I sit down, starting to get my headphones back on and proceed to work.., but before I could, one last gem:

C: CTO would say, thank god it didn't sting you in your finger cuz you wouldn't be able to type anymore..

M: O.O so true hahhahahaaa

Disclaimer - I like animals, but I freakking hate wasps..especially if they get under my tshirt to sting.. :/

User gives me a Mac to work on, States that it “only needs Microsoft office Mac installed”

Okay.

Boot up the laptop....

**Mac OS X utilities**

Hmmm, odd. Reboot.

**Mac OS X utilities**

You’ve got to be shitting me. Call user —
Her - “NO! It was working when I gave it to you, you fix it. I’m not paying to get my laptop returned broken. It was working when I gave it to you!”

Me - “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t. I literally turned it on and this is what it stated * read her the message*

Her - “I don’t believe you, you did something to my computer.”

YOU FUCK! THE FUCK I DID! YOU LITERALLY JUST HANDED ME THE GOD DAMN THING! Can I PLEASE curb stomp this bitch, please....

When I was a little boy my father who was an entrepreneur back then hired a computer programmer to develop some kind of administrative software for him. He was programming on the Commodore VIC20. I was very interested in what he was doing and he gave me some books about programming basic on the VIC20. I read them, started programming and I've been hooked ever since!

As I do still remember this man's name I searched on the internet now and then to see if I could find him. End of last year I found him on FB and wrote him a message to thank him for what he did back then. It's because of him that I found out what I love doing most and have a great working career and life because I do what I love to do and get paid very well for it.

Thanks, mr. Stomp!

Fired because an metric they used was too small (accepted tickets). My problem was: everyone of the others took imidiatly the tickets, just to have them "in progress".

when i was fired as an external contractor with half an hour notice, because i didn't process enough tickets. I didn't process many tickets because:
1. In the morning everyone grabs tickets just to stop the timer.
2. I worked on some complicated tasks that involved multiple third and fourth parties(not to forget an fucking dropping firewall)

This week actually. We had an Innovation Week. I was tired of waiting for the company's collaboration tech team to give us some kind of virtual whiteboard system (they also won't let us use things like Google Hangouts or Microsoft One Note, etc...so they make remote collaboration and planning almost impossible)

Anyways long story aside I proposed we make a virtual whiteboard we could host internally as a web app using STOMP over Websocket. They said "there's no way you can finish that in a week". I did.

And it came out great. It even supports pressure sensitivity and different brush textures. Everyone loves it and teams are like...wow we could use this member facing too. Had like 5 people around my desk connected to it drawing dicks for like 30 minutes. Then our boss joined remotely and saw the dicks. They laughed their ass off.

tldr; was told there was no way I would complete an ambitious innovation project...completed it with style. Damn I am good.

The exit interview with an ex boss.

While working there, we had regular meetings every other week. Discussing current work, equipment requests, technology, sometimes office politics. At some point we discussed that our team was moved to an open-plan office and how I regarded this as detrimental to our productivity and satisfaction. Of course we sometimes had different opinions, but it was an amicable atmosphere. My boss also always carried a personal organizer and sometimes wrote notes during these meetings.

Later I resigned. Him becoming more and more abusive was a major reason, and I think he knew he had crossed a line. So the day of the exit interview came...

In a professional setting, you'd thank each other for the good collaboration. Maybe laugh about one or two points from the past. And then wish each other success for the future and say farewell.

Not there. Not with him in the exit interview.

Instead, he apparently went through a list in his personal organizer. A list of every single thing we ever disagreed at. And roasted me for each. single. item. "Back when you said x... you can't really say it like that". Or "remember that time when you were against open-plan offices? Let me tell you, that's just your opinion. There are no actual arguments against them, it's just a matter of taste". And that went on and on and on. Like a final reckoning. Like he needed to get revenge. I hope that carnage made him happy, because it made *me* happy to have had resigned.

And it was fucking unprofessinal, because this is the management equivalent of stomping your foot in rage and anger, shouting "no no nooo I'm right! I! am! Riiiiiiight! *stomp*".

My company has two offices in separate cities but they treat each the devs of each location very very differently.

In one office the devs get full power to experiment with whatever tech they want, they just stomp their feet and management gives em whatever they ask for, freedom of choice regarding anything they are working on, to be allowed to do greenfield work or experimental stuff

But in my office we are forced to do ONLY. Bug fixing and refactoring shitty code from over a decade a go, our tech is ancient and we are not allowed to to
Shit , anything we ask for is denied
And improvements to our process is shut down with the reasoning that whatever we got works so why meddle ??

For us , management is solely focussed on making sure we respond to support calls , deployments , configurations and little bug fixing. Basically they only care that we manage to finish for out next delivery.
No new work whatsoever!
If there is any hint of something new to to
Implemented the golden boys from the other office just stopm their feet tillmthey get it or just go off and start working on it then seek permission afterwards, with their much larger team they obviously get further than we do by the time management hears about it so they end up taking over the work since they already have more done already

My manager decided to push us to attend a company devCon to share ideas with our devs from our other location. This rapidly turned into a sour experience

Basically we do all shitty boring work which puts money on the table which goes straight to those idiots to play with...

They have the guts to laugh when we mentioned that we never get anything interesting to work on

Never seen so many of our devs looking up job sites on the bus back...
This is gonna blow up in management's face...

So my colleague is listening to alot of Music and je always stomp the floor when he does - I really hate it.

I have created a nice firewall rule that blocks spotify, Youtube and all video and Music to his user and phone ever 5 minuter for 2 minutes.

devRant fortunecookies

renaming the "password" field in a config file to "key"

Mom: my photos are gone. Can you find them?
Me: *searches the phone an finds nothing.*
Me: i cant find them.
Me: *Tries to copy 5GB of random Data*
Phone: Copy Error
------------------
Its a noname china phone my Father bought. I warned him about it, because they stole the Samsung design and it said that it was Version 8.1, but didnt had the features 8.1 has
------------------
Me: The Phone deleted it.
Mom: why would a Phone delete my Photos?
Me: because the manufacturer wanted to maximize the money he can get and made an device with higher specs on the paper than it has and manipulated the internal tools to hide this.
------------------
My father asked me why she is so furious. I said to him: because you got screwed so easily.

14 days till silvester, I look forward to see "dinner for one" again

As a pretty solid Angular dev getting thrown a react project over the fence by his PM I can say:

FUCK REACT!

It is nigh impossible to write well structured, readable, well modularized code with it and not twist your mind in recursion from "lift state up" and "rendercycle downwards only"

Try writing a modular modal as a modern function component with interchangeable children (passeable to the component as it should be) that uses portals and returns the result of the passed children components.

Closest I found to it is:
c o d e s a n d b o x.io/s/7w6mq72l2q
(and its a fucking nightmare logic wise and readability wise)

And also I still wouldn't know right of the bat how to get the result from the passed child components with all the oneway binding CLUSTERFUCK.

And even if you manage to there is no chance to do it async as it should be.
You HAVE to write a lot of "HTML" tags in the DOM that practically should not be anywhere but in async functions.

In Angular this is a breeze and works like a charm.
Its not even much gray matter to it...

I can´t comprehend how companies decide to write real big web apps with it.

They must be a MESS to maintain.

For a small "four components that show a counter and fetch user images" - OK.
But fo a big webapp with a big team etc. etc.?

Asking stuff about it on Stackoverflow I got edited unsolicited as fuck and downvoted as fuck in an instant.
Nobody explained anything or even cared to look at my Stackblitz.
Unsolicited edit, downvote, closevote and of they go - no help provided whatsoever.
Its completely fine if you don't have time to help strangers - but then at least do not stomp on beginners like that.
I immediately regretted asking a toxic community like this something that I genuinely seem to not understand. Wasn't SO about helping people?
I deleted my post there and won't be coming back and doing something productive there anytime soon.

Out of respect for my clients budget I'm now doing it the ugly react way and forget about my software architecture standards but as soon as I can I will advise switching to Angular.

If you made it here: WOW
Thank you for giving me a vent to let off some steam :)

rain finally RAIN

It was my first interview at an local transport company. I should be the programmer of an app and manage the computers.
Me: in what language is the app?
Interviewer: we dont know.

Choose yourself:
The one who is too lazy too stand up, the one reinstalled his PC literally every week, or the toxic guy that nobody wants too work with.

Accidently deleting prod data.

SAP.

enough said.

Colleague: I cant install windows on our playcomputer. you broke it.
<Me walks to the computer, he looks away>
<silently deletes the debian entry in the nvram>
<installs windows, without an problems>
Me: So, where is the Problem?
Colleague<slightly angry>: I made it exact like you!
Me: o_O

You may not like but dokument everything in your project. It needs its time but it can save your job.

i cant stand these idiots anymore. My instructor needed 12 Minutes to understand Megabyte and Mebibyte. He just used the snipping tool to save an SVG from Wikipedia. My instructor is an Person who wrote small Programs in the past and thought that an instructor license is something useful. It hurts listening to him. he was kept busy for hours because of nothing, so we could only twiddle our thumbs. our first instructor went probably because of the Management.
At the beginning of June I will give my lecture for my final exam.
I am fucked.

My newest BASH project: reactive BASH
:)
Yes, I do like shell THAT much!

Since today my bhttp lib supports STOMP [still need to work on 1.2 compliance], i.e. I can carry out live communication with MQ. Meaning I can script the whole thing, be it 5 calls 5 reads, be it 20 subscriptions and reacting to unlimited number of messages in either of them with separate actions. WITHOUT A FOREST OF IF-ELSEs OR CASE-ESACs!!!

Boi do I love shell scripting... :D

Next project: AI in BASH

Why the fuck do i need to propose try-catch to an contractor, so he can fix his application, because its crashing if the input is non-conform to the specs?
Oh and before you ask. The application is a application that processes and sanitizes invoices.

You must use IE.

ABAP - a language that is frozen in the 60s
PHP - an inconsistent language
Flashplayer - do i need to say more?
Internet Explorer - ↑

We didn't got your email.
Problem: i had an read reciept.

dear perl devs,

WTF is wrong with you.
some of your version numbers look like someone uses floats for money without knowing the dangers of it.
Some Examples:
2.000006
2.003004

T(x, y)=x*(1+y/100)+√-1
x = hours estimated from Boss. if the boss
y = sum of the features with the following weight:
Multiplatform = 10
Web = 5
social * = 100
blockchain = 100
HTML-email = 10
Every other bullshit bingo term = 20
everything else = 1
Terms that appear multiple times count multiple times.
If the boss didnt give his estimate triple the feature-value and use 100 as x-value

Im started with Lego, with 12 i learned to solder, got interested in computers and ended up learning diverse languages to solve problems.

I have this colleague that who is nice, but if you mention anything about (not complete) java, sun, vmware, windows, daus(dumbest possible user), car manufacturer your ears bleed with is rants about it.
For example:
We talked about BMW which published that the energy generated from recuperation of one of their cars is around 60%. Immediatly he rants that it its not possible and the calculated number of an forum user of the newssite who calculated that 90% of the kinetic energy is regenerated has no idea about the problems.

Sometimes its hard to endure the hate, but i can relate with him in some things.

An job near my hometown l, where i can bike to work.

dear ietf-people i want to thank you that tls1.3 is official. i know it was hard work to say just no to the doughbags and preventing that middleware and spyware manufacturers implementing static keys.
to make it short:
Thank you for your hard work

The best thing you ever learned at school.

Netcup. Great hosting, the machines are usually fast set up and cheap. The boss writes in the forum to help the customers.

It helped me with my "talent" to accidently to physically destroy computers.

What is youre favorite keyboard on the phone ?
Mine : Hackers keyboard

Wanted to work from home as usual. Logged in in citrix with my credentials and totp, started rdp to connect with the bank.
i try it for the first time: failed to connect
I try it for the second time: error 0x112d (some thing about two programs that have an the same port open)
I ask my colleagues to look after the pc in the office and what was it:

FUCKING WINDOWS UPDATE FILLED THE RAM COMPLETLY.
Luckily no data was lost, since i had everything important commited and pushed.

All the procrastinating in my schooltime.
All times i was in rage and hurt people.
They haunt me till today among other things.

Am I spoiled when I see how Django makes the separation of components and the database independent way to store migrations easy?

Why is everyone so hyped with firefox? It was weeks ago clear that this will happen.

DEAR ******* JAVA DEVELOPERS,

java has the http.proxyHost and http.proxyPort. USE IT.

it was the last time i used PHP for an school project. i and an other group decided to make an website. it was luck that no input was required. Because i already knew PHP and HTML i need to help them. the code they made was the cause i quit php. the site only worked after an redirect. it was irony that tje code looked like it was written from a junkey and the theme was drugs.

So I recently purchased Ark and I gotta say I can totally recommend single player/ local multi.

It's not exactly stable. And non-dedicated private servers are pretty limited. But it's fun nonetheless. The animals are neat, the landscape is gorgeous, and the base building is interesting and intuitive.

One of the things I don't exactly love about Minecraft is that your shelter doesn't matter much. Build some walls to keep the mobs out and you're good. But Ark is much more hostile. You need to avoid cold, and rain, and heat, and big Dino's that want to bite you and stomp you. So your shelter actually protects you.

Not only that but materials are so easy to get in Minecraft. You can have a full house by the end of your first day, easily. But Ark makes resource collecting difficult. You need some dino companions to hold your stuff because it becomes too heavy for you alone. And it takes days, maybe even in-game weeks to build a suitable house. And you can spend much, much longer making it more than just a wooden box.

Cool game! Definitely in my top 3 right now.

My company has an default user for external people and two wifi networks, on for the company itself and on for the employees. both wifis have an shit of an firewall(more than once were wikipedia blocked). I found out that the internal wifi allowed the default user and had some outgoing ports open, i set up an vpn and now i can use what i want without being blocked.

Probably the one where we had an error, because the service from a thirdparty we needed to install used a fourthparty service that was behind a proxy. Due of internal reasons we needed to use our own tomcat instead of the standard tomcat. We made a meeting because we didn't found out at that point that the problem was the firewall that dropped the packages from the application. We replayed it to them (at that point it was in my musclememory) and after a month i got the idea to use tcpdump to see if the server is calling another webservice, which was denied by the developers.

the code from a school colleague. So written that you must load the index page and are redirected to a second. if you try to load the second page you get errors. Many errors.

One of our departments works only on Thinclients and one of my colleagues made an loop. You can think what happened.

Magazines and the dokumentation of the language.

When i was fired in a few minutes in my first meeting with the boss since i was working there.
but now im glad im out of there. The kpis they use to see how someone performs are utterly useless.

None.

Editor: nano: small, light and easy usable.

1. 72 hours at an heavy used street with many holes and open windows (not the os) on an hot day for those, who stop the people, who work against air pollution;
2. die nvidia;
3. a pc with an inbuilt 10 kW fusionreactor, water heater, 2 amd cpu of the latest gen, 2 of the highest tier amd graphic cards and an mainboard which follows the spec of the cpus;

That should cover everything i need.

short: The admin with enough xp is ill, there is no one with xp with varnish is and after 1 restart varnish outputs only 503.
long: there original admin is ill but he gave me an project to migrate an typo3 installation to a new server. Thats ok.
Plan: I move 150 GB of data with rsync to the new server, let specialists do something and switch ips between the new and old and clear varnish with a restart.
Reality: +2 hours to migrate the data, because of false infos from the admin, 7 hours preparing the switch, 5 minutes switch, 3 hours to find out the F*****G varnish is the single point of failure. I and the t3 guys agree to see the next day what went wrong.

ALL HAPPENED TODAY!

Plan for tomorrow: speak with the boss to account the extra hours to that day so i dont get over 10 hours and debug that fucking varnish and delete some servers from another project from the backupsystem and monitoring.

Apparently ex twitter employees have created an mastodon instance for themselfs and their family.

zero trust blockchain authentication

What do you guys think about Java Spring STOMP? A Socket Based Backend.. Any experiences using that backend with Android? As a Java developer (mainly Android) I would Prefer continue writing backends in Java, I hate Javascript

He was not reslly my dev-teacher, he was a math/physics teacher. But he had an after school an it workshop. That was the first place where i really worked with development. I was just a bit with html, php and LEGO mindstorms but it helped me with my knowledge. He is one of the best teachers in my school. Without him I would probably making windows and doors.

My upstairs neighbor needs to learn to not fuckin stomp around whenever he walks for fuck sakes.

Books ( stieg larsson, randall munroe, ...), and very old first aid kit,, 2 handmade ludo games, several keyboards, two ood screens, two notebooks, several harddrives and more stuff that should go to recycling.

Fuck teamcity. You locked my domainaccount 2 times already this week. Even when i used a accesskey it queried the AD.

demand firefox to replace the preinstalled crapware and nobody can make anything against it.

Somebody: (whinwy) we need something to log into nonprivileged technical accounts without our rootssh proxy. We want this pammodule pam_X.so
me: this stuff is old (-2013) and i can't find any source for it. How about using SSSD with libsss_sudo? Its an modern solution which would allow this with an advantage of using the existing infrastructure.
somebody: NO I WANT THIS MODULE.
me: ok i have it packaged under this name. Could you please test it by manipulating the pam config?
Somebody: WHAT WHY DO I NEED TO MANIPULATE THE PAMCONFIG?
me: because another package on our servers already manipulates the config and i don't want to create trouble by manipulate it.
Somebody: why are we discussing this. I said clearly what we need and we need it NOW.

we have an package that changes the pam config to our needs, we are starting to roll out the config via ansible, but we still use configuration packages on many servers
For authentication as root we use cyberark for logging the ssh sessions.
The older solution allowed additionally the login into non-rootaccounts, but it is shut down in the next few weeks after over half an year of both systems active and over half an year with the information that the login into non-privileged accounts will be no more.

1. Where does it run
2. Who runs it
3. did i put every bit of email conversations about errors in my archive?

Maybe our old buildsystem that runs using mock and an python 2 script on a RHEL 6 machine OR
The incredible complex system of a gouvernment customer that had a networkplan on DIN A2(or A1 i don't know it anymore) since A3 was too small. i was responsible because everyone else left (because of different reasons) or was too busy.

Probably one of these:
- electrician (middle or low voltage)
- unfit for employment in germany, which is the worst.

The best ones are in my opinion the ones that are easy to use and don't need a manual to exit(i look at ypu emacs). This is a list of tools that i use only if nothing else is available:
- nodejs directly
- emacs
- vi/vim
- rpm

I wanted to resetup my gitea on a newnserver and now? I can't connect with the postgres db and i have literally no idea why. it fucking worked when it ran on my old debian and now it won't even connect.

😭

fuck peoplecert. youre software is crap. i dont have anything against yoire requirement that you need to see that someone doesnt cheat. but WHY is my cpu burning and so buggy. i needed 1 hour until the client started the test and somebody was able to see me and the desktop. 10 restarts of your client and one reboot IS TO MUCH.

By the way: i passed

most cutting edge?
that would be that invoice processing system that is in production despite its pre-pre-pre-alpha status.

I swear by all that is binary when I see Siri I’m going to curb stomp that skank. She single handedly makes me want to toss my iPhone X (which is heavy) into an Apple store window then pick it up to ask for assistance with a representative. I hate having to say “hey Siri!” just so she can take her sweet ass time to answer me. When I speak she fucking deaf and misinterprets what I say 80% of the time. English is my native language. I have to talk like a robot for her to get me. Alexa I’ve noticed works faster and more accurate. Siri take note!

I had this guy. He had an annoying voice and the worst trait of him was he was an Solaris fan. on nearly anything he would ramble that solaris is supirior to any other os. Luckily he was gone after a few months, unluckily i had to take over the stuff he did.

I started with html and php with xampp, with the selfhtml in a packaged version.
After this came a language called Lite-C (basically a gaming engine with some stuff abstracted).
After that came again a phase with php/html with some of these small free hosters.
After that my IT specialist training started and i switched to python and now im into golang.

Having the people who hated me die by an aneurysma because they were too upset because of their envy

Goroutines and channels. I never wrote objectoriented code so easily

Bam Margera and Macaulay Culkin levitate and rapidly stomp-kick a poor girl that spilled her beer over a ramp