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When you say "almost 2" instead of 1.7 because you're not sure your customers understand the decimal system.7
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It is bothersome that a college degree is more important than demonstrable skills.
"You're so smart! Where'd you go to college?"
"I didn't."10 -
Linux user on a Windows machine: "ugh, this is terrible."
Windows user on a Linux machine: "I don't know what I'm doing."12 -
How can I help you?
"my email isn't working"
What web browser do you use?
"Yahoo"
Err, okay, what's your email address and password?
"I don't have a password."8 -
Found this gem on GitHub:
// At this point, I'd like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD format.
// PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it such would be an
// insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD is an abysmal format. Having
// worked on this code for several weeks now, my hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire
// that burns with the fierce passion of a million suns.
// If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in different
// places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would think of, and do those
// too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for instance, did it suddenly decide
// that *these* particular chunks should be aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement
// should *not* be included in the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned,
// or aligned with the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included.
// Either one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one. PSD,
// of course, uses all three, and more.
// Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the attic of
// your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark attack on his 58th
// birthday. That last detail may not be important for the purposes of the simile, but
// at this point I am spending a lot of time imagining amusing fates for the people
// responsible for this Rube Goldberg of a file format.
// Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format. To do this,
// I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have them consider sending
// me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing them a copy of some document or
// other, probably signed in blood. I can only imagine that they make this process so
// difficult because they are intensely ashamed of having created this abomination. I
// was naturally not gullible enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done
// so, I would have printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire.
// Were it within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch
// them on a spaceship directly into the sun.
//
// PSD is not my favourite file format.
Ref : https://github.com/zepouet/...16 -
When you finally accept that in order to write a game engine all your self, you not only have to be a programmer but a mathematician.
Alright. Time to hit the math books for a while.3 -
Old story, and yeah, it's all true, I shit you not!
So here I am at about age 11 (more or less). At the time, I had an almost brand new 333MHz beast, with 8 MB RAM, 2 (!!!) MB video card and (I think) about 300 MB of storage (yeah, I'm old :)) ).
Connected to this monster was sitting a 14" CRT monitor, mechanical keyboard and a 2 button, ball "powered" mouse.
There was no optical tracking tech at the time.
One evening, I notice my mouse starts lagging. Test it to see if Win95 is stuck. Nope, just mouse problems...
Fiddle with it a little, and at some point it stops working at all.
My room was dark now, so I got up to turn on the lights, sat down in front of the PC, and moved the mouse by instinct.
Surprise! It's working again!
My brother comes in and turnes off the lights. Mouse non responsive.
I tell him to turn them on again, mouse works again.
At this point, we were both scratching our heads at this mystery...
I decided to confirm it again using a desc light.
Conclusion: my 2 button, ball tracking, non light sensitive mouse was working only if light was shining directly oh it AND on my 14" crt monitor at the same time!!!
To this day I have no ideea why.
I kept them both for posterity, and they are still there in my parent's attic.
Fin.7 -
!dev
So the ceiling in our (upstairs) laundry room started leaking. After some troubleshooting, we determined it was the A/C, and not the water pipes. (The house is cheap as hell and fucking stupid.) We did some troubleshooting and research, and tried fixing it ourselves; no luck. Cleaning the pipes from outside: no joy. Cleaning the pipes from inside: no access. The attic is ... small. Maybe half a small closet? and doesn’t give access to fucking anything. The builders must have installed everything before putting up the walls and ceilings, sealing everything off, because there is no access. It’s fucking stupid. Also, the usual maintenance openings aren’t even there either because why the fuck would they be?
But fucking whatever.
We called an a/c repair guy, who never showed. We assumed he was busy (it’s fucking hot), so we called him again the next day; two days later he showed.
Busy. Whatever.
Guy didn’t bring a ladder. Whatever, we have one right there in the hallway because we’ve been trying in vain to fix it.
Guy didn’t bring a wrench of any kind. Guy didn’t bring a screwdriver. Guy didn’t bring a bucket. Guy didn’t bring any pipe. Or any pipe sealant. Or fucking anything but his sagging fucking pants, fat belly, and fat stench. We had to supply everything, which fortunately we had on hand as we were already trying to fix it. Hoorah for being proactive.
Guy said he drained both primary and secondary pans. Somehow. Without access. I’m not even convinced it HAS a secondary pan. Guy said he cleaned out the pipes, too. From inside the house. Without access. Somehow. Maybe he did that from outside, without tools, while I was chasing the brats and someone else was watching the fat bastard. Who knows; I wasn’t with him most of the time.
When he was done, the guy said “pay whatever you think it’s worth” (or whatever). Fine, if he actually cleaned the pipes out and it isn’t leaking anymore, that’s great.
Guy leaves.
We go up to check. AND THE FUCKING A/C IS STILL LEAKING. BUT NOW IT’S FROM BEFORE THE PIPES, TOO. AND HALF AN HOUR LATER, THE LAUDRY ROOM CEILING IS ALSO LEAKING, WHICH MEANS THE PIPES ARE STILL LEAKING.
It turns out the asshole broke the pan.
We call him back, he goes blah blah blah, we send him a video. Drip, drip, drip.
His response?
“The pan must be rusted.” IT’S FUCKING PLASTIC.
“Oh, in that case, it’s probably a rusted coil that’s leaking.”
a) HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW IT WAS FUCKING PLASTIC IF YOU DRAINED IT?
b) THE COILS CARRY FREON, NOT WATER, AND THE A/C IS STILL WORKING. IF THERE WAS A LEAK, SHIT WOULD BE HOT. AND RANK. FREON SMELLS NASTY AND DOESN’T CAUSE IT TO RAIN IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.
REPLACING A COIL IS ALSO A $2000 FUCKING REPAIR.
THE FAT BASTARD PROBABLY BROKE THE PAN INTENTIONALLY JUST TO UPSELL. I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER HIS LYING FUCKING FACE OFF.
It’s possible he didn’t break the pan intentionally, so I’ll tentatively remove that from his charges. BUT TO FUCKING LIE?
LIE AND DIE, FUCKER.7 -
It's because I'm still fixing those machines, Microsoft. I'm only one tech! Be patient, I still have 15% left to go. 🤣
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I spent 5 years as sole programmer on a Doom 3 total conversion. Joined the team as a shitty C programmer that didn't know C++, and just hit the books and got rid of the social life. The successful part is that we actually finished it.
It's just a game mod and my fist foray onto a new language, and current project will hopefully soon replace it as my biggest & best show of skill, but I'm still proud of it.3 -
Customer puts laptop on counter and turns it on. It's not plugged in.
Customer: "So, do these things have batteries in them?"3 -
When you go to drive.google.com and it loads a page with a botton that reads "Go To Google Drive". Didn't I just?
THANKS GOOGLE!1 -
Was just recalling one of the worst calls I ever got in IT...
Many years ago we had a single rack for all of our servers, network and storage (pre virtualization too!).
We had a new security system installed in the building and the facilities manager let the guy into the server room to run all the sensor cables in because that is where they wanted their panel... the guy was too lazy to get up on the roof and in the attic repeatedly so after he checked it out he went around every where and drilled a hole straight up where he wanted the sensor wire to go... well the server room was not under an attic space... when he found he had drilled through to the out side... HE FILLED IT WITH EXPANDING FOAM.... the membrane on the roof was damaged... that night it rained... I got a call at 4 am that systems were acting funky and I went in... when I opened the door it was literally raining through the corners of the drop ceiling onto the rack... An excellent DR plan saved our asses but the situation cost the vendor's insurance company $30k in dead equipment and another $10k in emergency labor. Good thing for him we had so little equipment in that room back in.
Moral of the story... always have a good DR plan... you never know when it will rain in the server room.... :)3 -
Just finished recovering all deleted files from my old hard disks I found in the attic, just for fun.
I was hoping to find some old photos or something. Instead I found my awful old Qt code.
Back when I started the recovery it was sunny and perfectly clear outside. As soon as I found the code the skies went dark and now it’s raining like hell and lightnings are blasting.
Wtf i just summoned
2 -
Who am I?
Some of you, because of the hyperbolic, outrageous, trollish, and often self-satirical nature of my posts, might doubt me. Thats completely relatable.
Heres the truth:
I was diagnosed in childhood with ADHD, fucking everyone, every male, these days is diagnosed with that. I was diagnosed bipolar. Hell anyone reading my posts could see that from a mile away. I was diagnosed on the borderline personality spectrum. Yeah, I could see that.
I was tested. They said I was in the 98th percentile for clerical ability, not extraordinary but pretty good, mathematical ability a little higher than that. My SAT was 1491. Not yale material, but I coulda been someone.
Over the years I studied a LOT of politics and read a metric fuckton of books. (40+ books over the course of three years).
I predicted every single presidential election since bush juniors second election. Three supreme court picks. Senatorial elections. Congresional elections. More than that.
I have a better analysis track record than some of the multidecade analysts sitting in the fucking NSA.
No I am not shitting you. No I am not exaggerating.
It's about the only claim to fame I get to legitimately make.
People ask me, "then why aren't you famous?"
How do you know I'm not.
Look I'm gonna tell you my actual name.
My real name is Lawrence B. Lindsey
Okay, I'm bullshitting for fun. But words I have written on alt twitter accounts have legitimately come out of presidential hopeful's mouths. No, this I am *not* bullshitting you about.
Imagine that. A guy who lived in his parents attic for five years, writing words that came out of presidential candidates mouths.
At one time I was about as popular and influential as that fuckboy catturd.
yes, really. No I am not fucking joking.
Under normal conditions I wouldn't talk about this or reveal it, because who the fuck cares? I'm just some dude on the internet, drunk, both on alcohol, and the pseudo-anonymous equivalent of bragging rights.
You know how many women I turned down because I could? You know how fucking drunk I am? They say a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Well, I'm not usually honest like this because the internet is full of false braggarts, and you tell people the truth and they don't fucking believe you.
I swear, it seems like I made some faustian bargain at some time, and can achieve no fame or lasting wealth in my life--to save my life.
Shit, I was talking to a chinese women who ran a bank in china (yes, really), who advised me to buy into bitcoin early on. Didn't have the money to. Woulda been a fucking millionaire if I did.
*Non-obvious* Ideas that major corporations are now persuing? Yeah those were sitting in my card index since the early 2000s.
I helped two people build and sell businesses. One for me tens of thousands. Another for millions. Yes, really. Got zero, and I mean, *zero* credit for it.
Point is, doesn't matter how famous you are, or coulda been, Doesn't matter the ideas you have, or had.
The world doesn't promote runners-up, or hasbeens, or wannabes, or could-bes.
What matters is execution.
If you're wandering through life, wondering when you're lucky break will be, stop. You have to realize, you make your own luck. Recognize the difference between what you can control, and what you can, and work on promoting your own ideas or business or values, instead of other people's dreams.
And for those wondering, yes I am drunk, and no, I ain't fucking kidding you in anything I wrote here.
The most important lesson I learned is this:
First work on your own success, before you work on the success of others.
p.s.
I give surprisingly good advice for someone who doesn't benchmark well on traditional measures of success. I know, even I was shocked when I looked at the statistics.33 -
X86 or X64. Well, from what I understand, there's no fucking X in front of 64. X86 refers to instruction sets for *86 professor architectures, not bits. Am I justified in this? Is "x64" willful mislabeling?4
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Hey Microsoft, I have news for you: hardware doesn't support software, software is supposed to support hardware.
What has the world come to?
4 -
I am a scientist. A computer scientist.
I am an engineer. A software engineer.
My lack of a formal college degree does not negate these facts.
It does, however, contribute to the chip on my shoulder.2 -
C++ code written before current standards still complies and is just as maintainable, but every so often a new major change to the standard happens and I feel like all my code I wrote before last month or so now needs updated. "Range-based for" ALL THE THINGS. except I'm just retouching code and possibly adding bugs along the way.
Sometimes I just feel that my most mastered and beloved language suffers from a severe case of multiple personality disorder. As soon as I get to know it, it's suddenly somebody else. -
Gag SO, tie em up & suspend them in the air in the basement or attic..
Helps if SO is into BDSM..if not it's a bit awkward.. // joke, I don't even have an attic or basement.. :(
In all seriousnes, if anyone knows how to prevent people from knocking on the office door to ask if I want coffe or sth to eat, that'd be great..asking them to not disturb unless the house is on fire or they cut off their fingers clearly doesn't help.. :(8 -
This post is stole from 9gag. I didn't watch infinity war till now. I don't know what that mean with Thanos but I liked it. So i wanna share it on devrant :/
This will kills your RAM.
7 -
Fullstack Bluetooth in the cloud using a mainframe matrix and heatsinks for optimal parallel multiprocessing.
I hate buzzwords. And especially hate TV shows that try to sound smart.3 -
I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year... The sails are going through the roof.
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I have a rule for maintaining sanity. It only works if you job doesn't have you on-call. And it saves me a of stress:
Don't think about work when you're not at work.2 -
CSS is magic.
CSS is a katana blade.
CSS is a tiny bristle scratching Gorilla Glass Victus. It shouldn't exist, yet it does.
CSS is a plastic-based sticker that you peel off, and it leaves no residue behind.
CSS is a summer breeze of 2004 that you felt while riding longboards with your girlfriend.
CSS is plugging a '86 Les Paul into a Marshall JCM800 and switching to a dirty channel.
CSS is diving into a freshly made bed after an evening shower.
CSS is getting your winter coat and finding a hundred dollar bill in the pocket.
CSS is the front right burner.
CSS is stomping onto a Big Muff pedal before you do solo.
CSS is David Gilmour inviting you for lunch.
CSS is cracking open a cold bottle of Perrier.
CSS is falling asleep in the attic hugging your loved one and watching the stars.
CSS is a glass of just below the room temperature cold pressed orange juice after you run 5k.
CSS is stepping on a scale and seeing yet another pound of body weight gone.
CSS is a supportive, beautiful person saying they love you just after you escaped an abusive relationship.
CSS is putting on your cold white gold Rolex in the Friday afternoon before meeting with friends at the bar.
CSS is discovering your old Sansa Clip+ and booting RockBox.
CSS is giving cunnilingus to Mary Elizabeth Winstead.
CSS is finally feeling empathy to another person after two years of therapy and realizing you're alive.
CSS saying "unleaded" after you pull up to the gas station in your vintage 911.
CSS is your ex-boss apologizing to you after they hit the rock bottom.
CSS is smelling her hair in the back seat of a Maybach taxi.
CSS is giving presents to your grandparents.
CSS is hitting bong while watching Home Alone with your friends after New Year's Eve.
CSS is getting a new job that pays 3x your old one and removing your old job's Jira bookmark from a bookmarks bar.5 -
I decided to run Ethernet to a different part of the house figuring oh that's easy enough, only 30 feet or so, I bet it will take 20 mins....
3 hours later after spending 2 fishing wire through an Arizona attic I am dehydrated and sore. When will I learn to stick to coding and leave the labor to guys with callused hands and ladders.3 -
I was just in the attic to look for some old school stuff for my sister. But then I found an old carton with old stuff from me. In there I found my very first programming book. "AntMe!" to learn Visual Basic with ants 😄
5 -
Look at this my university's WEB TECHNOLOGIES paper. It is totally full of crap and shitty questions.😅
8 -
git stash pop'd on wrong branch, hadn't realized it until after a bunch more work. Then continued screwing things up and unit tests are failing.
This is not a good coding day. -
It bothers me that tablet/computer disassembly videos are trending toward being labelled "take-apart guides" instead of "disassembly guides"6
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I'm an alcoholic and a programmer. I don't drink when I'm programming so that I can focus. Programming is therefore good for my health.4
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Windows 10 updates. You'd think they could at least fucking make them not break systems completely. Linux runs on more hardware and doesn't have a fraction of these issues with patches. What the fuck? Is Microsoft intentionally breaking systems or are they really that fucking incompetent?7
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It's always irked me that people can't RTFM simple things. But I've often just hacked my way through code, brute-forcing equations here and there until they work by trial and error. Nothing for an employer or anything, but nonetheless, I was not RTFMing. I was doing all the D and as little of the R as possible in R&D, just to save time. I'm trying to change that about myself. It's easier to implement systems when you properly understand them. No more hackery.
I suppose this rant was from me, about me. -
It's a challenge working with people that aren't as competent as yourself. Having another programmer misunderstand some system's design and throw copypasta around; or an artist who wants to chime in on low-level system design. It's hard to communicate not only how things work, but that a person should stick to their designated role and competency - without bruising egos.3
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I haven't observed college to be all that effective at teaching CS. CS education is mostly acquired at the University of Google.com/search?q=%s
Question: exactly got how necessary is a degree anymore for programming positions?15 -
Is there a monitor recommended for grandparents???
/*background */
My grandparents pulled my eldest brothers computer out of their attic after 3 years of non-use I got it to work so they can do Facebook and small games but the monitor is a dinosaur on its last legs and I know they don't need a gaming monitor like I look at but I don't know if there's any specifically designed for older people2 -
Was moving some equipment into my closet/attic space to reduce noise and had to use a laptop with SSH to reconfigure a few things. It was dark with only a laptop screen to guide the way.1
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At what point are you an expert in C++?
Herb Sutter's talk tilted "Back to Basics" (available on YouTube) contains the message "it's easy to forget that you're an expert" in the context of writing code that utilizes the latest complicated features of a language to squeeze out the last drop of performance.
So what makes someone an expert? Is it just writing production code? Is it groking the entire panel presented by a standards committee member? Is it contributing to the STL? Is it when you can write your own compiler while blindfolded and juggling rubber duckies in under 60 seconds?
What makes a person an expert in any language, for that matter?5 -
At 7, I found the ZX-81 of my dad in the attic, then learn BASIC with books. I got some LOGO lessons at school, then we got internet at home around '96, and discover web programming... many years and langages later, I am freelance web developer and teach code in High School. :)
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When a Microsoft Surface Pro fails doing updates right out of the box, you know MS gives no shits about the quality of it's software.
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My headset died today. Do you think "it's shipping" is a good enough reason to skip Mondays teams meeting or do I need to go find my cheapo spare headset from my attic3
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My first interaction with a computer was probably playing Parsec on an old TI-99/A we dug out of the attic. After that there were a lot of troubleshooting sessions with my dad on various computers trying to get some game up and running. I still remember the IRQ/DMA combination needed to get sound in Duke.
It really is no mystery why I ended up working with this stuff.
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