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Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
...
...
...
....
....
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9 -
I want to make a worm that recognizes when the user is using headphones and occasionally play a silent footstep sound behind them.7
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Other people : she said yes :') :')
Me: the client accepted the first draft without asking for changes :') :')2 -
Hi there fellas,
I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.
It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.
I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.
I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.
I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.
He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.
The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.
I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.
So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.
At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.
That's it.
My first story about my first job.
Thank you for reading 😊12 -
Windows 10!! WHAT THE FUCKING WHAT do you think you're doing?? Why am I getting a message saying admin has blocked my access to Services when I AM THE FUCKING ADMIN! And I sure as hell didn't block me!!!!!!!!13
-
The day I send myself about 76k mails
> be me
> be working on a rest api
> implement an error handler that would send me a mail with exception details
> use same error handler in mail send error handler
> Summoned the recursion devil by accident
> Test error handler
> Forgot port forwarding to SMTP server
> keep the debug session open
> throw new UnexpectedInterruptionException()
> get back to work
> Add the missing port forwarding rule to putty
> The error handler starts doing it's thing
> The handler chain starts to pop
> handler after handler executes
> PCFreeze.png
> WhatTheFuckIsGoingOn.gif
> VS finally accepts stop debugging
> PhoneVibrationSpam.mp3
> Peek into webmail
> WowFinallySomeFanMail
> Look into it
> Realizing what I have done
> Delete mailbox
> Remove recursion
> Wow that's how randy must have felt in southpark
> Feel weird
> Shutdown, go outside
> What's up anon?
> Nothing, really
6 -
After opening the legacy code and finding out that the entire shit has 15000+ LOC and without proper comments
3 -
this.title = "gg Microsoft"
this.metadata = {
rant: true,
long: true,
super_long: true,
has_summary: true
}
// Also:
let microsoft = "dead" // please?
tl;dr: Windows' MAX_PATH is the devil, and it basically does not allow you to copy files with paths that exceed this length. No matter what. Even with official fixes and workarounds.
Long story:
So, I haven't had actual gainful employ in quite awhile. I've been earning just enough to get behind on bills and go without all but basic groceries. Because of this, our electronics have been ... in need of upgrading for quite awhile. In particular, we've needed new drives. (We've been down a server for two years now because its drive died!)
Anyway, I originally bought my external drive just for backup, but due to the above, I eventually began using it for everyday things. including Steam. over USB. Terrible, right? So, I decided to mount it as an internal drive to lower the read/write times. Finding SATA cables was difficult, the motherboard's SATA plugs are in a terrible spot, and my tiny case (and 2yo) made everything soo much worse. It was a miserable experience, but I finally got it installed.
However! It turns out the Seagate external drives use some custom drive header, or custom driver to access the drive, so Windows couldn't read the bare drive. ffs. So, I took it out again (joy) and put it back in the enclosure, and began copying the files off.
The drive I'm copying it to is smaller, so I enabled compression to allow storing a bit more of the data, and excluded a couple of directories so I could copy those elsewhere. I (barely) managed to fit everything with some pretty tight shuffling.
but. that external drive is connected via USB, remember? and for some reason, even over USB3, I was only getting ~20mb/s transfer rate, so the process took 20some hours! In the interim, I worked on some projects, watched netflix, etc., then locked my computer, and went to bed. (I also made sure to turn my monitors and keyboard light off so it wouldn't be enticing to my 2yo.) Cue dramatic music ~
Come morning, I go to check on the progress... and find that the computer is off! What the hell! I turn it on and check the logs... and found that it lost power around 9:16am. aslkjdfhaslkjashdasfjhasd. My 2yo had apparently been playing with the power strip and its enticing glowing red on/off switch. So. It didn't finish copying.
aslkjdfhaslkjashdasfjhasd x2
Anyway, finding the missing files was easy, but what about any that didn't finish? Filesizes don't match, so writing a script to check doesn't work. and using a visual utility like windirstat won't work either because of the excluded folders. Friggin' hell.
Also -- and rather the point of this rant:
It turns out that some of the files (70 in total, as I eventually found out) have paths exceeding Windows' MAX_PATH length (260 chars). So I couldn't copy those.
After some research, I learned that there's a Microsoft hotfix that patches this specific issue! for my specific version! woo! It's like. totally perfect. So, I installed that, restarted as per its wishes... tried again (via both drag and `copy`)... and Lo! It did not work.
After installing the hotfix. to fix this specific issue. on my specific os. the issue remained. gg Microsoft?
Further research.
I then learned (well, learned more about) the unicode path prefix `\\?\`, which bypasses Windows kernel's path parsing, and passes the path directly to ntfslib, thereby indirectly allowing ~32k path lengths. I tried this with the native `copy` command; no luck. I tried this with `robocopy` and cygwin's `cp`; they likewise failed. I tried it with cygwin's `rsync`, but it sees `\\?\` as denoting a remote path, and therefore fails.
However, `dir \\?\C:\` works just fine?
So, apparently, Microsoft's own workaround for long pathnames doesn't work with its own utilities. unless the paths are shorter than MAX_PATH? gg Microsoft.
At this point, I was sorely tempted to write my own copy utility that calls the internal Windows APIs that support unicode paths. but as I lack a C compiler, and haven't coded in C in like 15 years, I figured I'd try a few last desperate ideas first.
For the hell of it, I tried making an archive of the offending files with winRAR. Unsurprisingly, it failed to access the files.
... and for completeness's sake -- mostly to say I tried it -- I did the same with 7zip. I took one of the offending files and made a 7z archive of it in the destination folder -- and, much to my surprise, it worked perfectly! I could even extract the file! Hell, I could even work with paths >340 characters!
So... I'm going through all of the 70 missing files and copying them. with 7zip. because it's the only bloody thing that works. ffs
Third-party utilities work better than Microsoft's official fixes. gg.
...
On a related note, I totally feel like that person from http://xkcd.com/763 right now ;;21 -
How the fuck does these testers find these bugs
there are like
- go to this
- click on this
- type the first 57 digits of pi
- sacrifice your first born to the devil
-> there the table is misaligned by 13 pixels, fix that7 -
And pointers in java be like: The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
5 -
A Developer is desperate: his java application servers are unresponsive, thousand of dead zombie threads are sucking all cpus, memory is leaking everywhere, garbage collector has gone crazy, the cluster sessions are fucked....
The Developer goes to the closest bridge, ties a stone to his neck and gets ready to jump.
Suddenly a bearded old man with a fiery look runs toward him, yelling:
- stop stop!!!! Your application is not scaling and misconfigured, your servers are melting, cpu usage is not sustainable anymore, but don't despair
The Developer, puzzled, looks at him:
-I've never seen you...how do you know...
- Hey, man, I'm the Devil. I know everything. All your problems are solved. I'll give you magic functions. They are called Lambda.
You'll never have to worry about your servers, scalability, security, configuration and shit.
The Developer seems astonished but relieved:
- Ok, sounds great! let's try it - suddenly suspicion creeps in - hmmmm but you are the Devil....so...you want something back, don't you?
(the Devil nods lightly with a diabolic smile)
- ...and...you want my soul, I guess...
- your soul??? come on!!! - the Devil burst in a laugh - we are in 2019. I don't care about your soul. I want your ass.
- What!???!!!?
- yes, I want to fuck your ass
The Developer, evaluates quickly the situation.
Few moments of pain or slight discomfort (?) in exchange for magic lambda. It could be worth. He accepts.
After a while of rough anal fucking, the devil asks
- Hey, how old are you anyway?
- 45, why?
- Oh jeeez...45!!!??? and you still believe in the devil?5 -
*wrestling commentator voice*
"In this weeks episode of encoding hell:
The iiiinnnfamous UTF-8 Byte Order Mark veeeersus PHP!"
For an online shop we developed, there is currently a CSV upload feature in review by our client. Before we developed this feature, we created together with the client a very precise specification, including the file format and encoding (UTF-8).
After the first test day, the client informed us, that there were invalid characters after processing the uploaded file.
We checked the code and compared the customer's file with our template.
The file was encoded in ISO-8859-1 and NOT as specified UTF-8.
But what ever, we had to add an encoding check, thus allowing both encodings from now on.
Well well well welly welly fucking well...
Test day 2: We receive an email from said client, that the CSV is not working, again.
This time: UTF-8 encoding, but some fields had more colums with different values than specified.
Fucking hell.
We tell the customer that.
(I was about to write a nice death threat novel to them, but my boss held me back)
Testing day 3, today:
"The uploading feature is not working with our file, please fix it."
I tried to debug it, but only got misleading errors. After about 30 minutes, at 20 stacks of hatered, I finally had an idea to check the file in a hex editor:
God fucking what!?!!?!11?!1!!!?2!!
The encoding was valid UTF-8, all columns and fields were correct, but this time the file contained somthing different.
Something the world does not need.
Something nearly as wasteful as driving a monster truck in first gear from NYC to LA.
It was the UTF-8 Byte Order Mark.
3 bytes of pure hell.
Fucking 0xEFBBBF.
The archenemy of PHP and sane people.
If the devil had sex with the ethernet port of a rusty Mac OS X Server, then 9 microseconds later a UTF-8 BOM would have been born.
OK, maybe if PHP would actually cope with these bytes of death without crashing, that would be great.3 -
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15 -
Just realized I'm commenting about how to summon Cthulhu with regex, while my upvote count is 666...
Őh bøy. Ţhįş įs ÑØŤ ģôíņğ ţø ęňđ węļĺ
6 -
ok im seriously feeling evil.
windows users listen up:
is there any way i can make it so that when you press the semicolon button, the greek question mark comes up?
preferable an easy setting.
as you can tell, i really want to get this guy.13 -
There was a time I made an update on one of our client's e-commerce website sign-up page. The update caused a bug that allowed new users to create an account without actually creating an account.
The code block meant to save user credentials (i.e email address and password) to the database was commented out for some reasons I still can't remember to this day. After registration new users had their session created just as normal but in reality they have no recorded account on the platform. This shit went on like this for a whole week affecting over 350 new customers before the devil sent me a DM.
I got a call from my boss on that weekend that some users who had made purchases recently can't access their account from a different device and cannot also update their password. Nobody likes duty calls on a weekend, I grudgingly and sluggishly opened up my PC to create a quick fix but when I saw what the problem was I shut down my PC immediately, I ran into the shower like I was being chased by a ghost, I kept screaming "what tha fuck! what tha fuck!!" cus I knew hell was about to break loose.
At that moment everything seemed off as if I could feel everything, I felt the water dripping down my spine, I could hear the tiniest of sound. I thought about the 350 new customers the client just lost, I imagined the raving anger on the face of my boss, I thought about how dumb my colleagues would think I was for such a stupid long running bug.
I wondered through all possible solutions that could save me from this embarrassment.
-- "If this shitty client would have just allowed us verify users email before usage things wouldn't have gotten to this extent"
-- "Should I call the customers to get their email address using their provided telephone?... No they'd think I'm a scammer"
-- "Should I tell my boss the database was hacked? Pffft hack my a**",
-- "Should I create a page for the affected users to re-verify their email address and password? No, some sessions may have expired"
-- "Or maybe this the best time to quit this f*ckn job!"
... Different thoughts from all four corners of the bathroom made it a really long bath. Finally, I decided it was best I told my boss what had happened. So I fixed the code, called my boss the next day and explained the situation on ground to him and yes he was furious. "What a silly mistake..!" he raged and raged. See me in my office by Monday.
That night felt longer than usual, I couldn't sleep properly. I felt pity for the client and I blamed it all on myself... yeah the "silly mistake", I could have been more careful.
Monday came boss wasn't at the office, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday not available. Next week he was around and when we both met the discussion was about a different project. I tried briefing him about last week incident, he seems not to recall and demands we focus on the current project.
However, over three hundred and fifty customers swept under the carpet courtesy of me. I still felt the guilt of that f*ck up till this day.1 -
*logs out of Google on Android*
*has this persistent Google search bar on launcher which I keep on accidentally tapping*
Alright, so I'm not logged into Google to see how it goes. Kind of an experiment to see just how intertwined Android and my life are with Google. And it's going quite well actually, except for my prime apps that I can't seem to get around.
*reads Google privacy policy*
"We protect your data by keeping it secure!"
Hmm, yeah.. you and 3 letter agencies are keeping it secure and out of the hands of other individuals.. that makes sense.
Don't be evil.. unless you're the devil, right?
Fuck you, I won't login like this.
*accidentally opens Google*
*le trending results show up*
- KSI vs Logan Paul weigh-in!
- KSI vs Logan Paul Manchester!
- KSI vs Logan Paul arena fight!
*opens up NewPipe in which I am not logged in either*
- KSI vs Logan Paul!!!
- Did you see the KSI vs Logan Paul stuff yet?!
*logs back into Google straight away*
Personalized search engine.. many hate it, but boy do I fucking love it.4 -
My customer service girl just told me that she gonna charge $20 to a client. The client bought one of our web development packages and requested us to create LinkedIn, Google+, Twitter and Instagram account so he can put those on his restaurant website.
Don't be surprised if I became millionaire around 2020.
// $20 can give us like 5 KFC meals here.13 -
I'm currently looking for an internship related to machine learning (finishing my Msc).
WHY ON EARTH ARE ALL (or at least 80%) INTERNSHIPS PROPOSALS ABOUT BANKS, FINTECH, INSURANCES AND SO ON ?
I mean, we can now create music, identify tumerous cells, generate realistic pictures of anything you could dream of, drive cars without human interaction, create amazing chatbots... But no, I guess all that shit can't make enough money, better work on a system that will refuse you a loan.
Makes me really sad. I mean whats the point of studying the coolest techs around if it is not for the greater good ?
I might be utopist though.5 -
MOTHERFUCK. FUCKING WINDOWS DID IT AGAIN TABARNAK!
Today, I was hoping to study some DB optimization for an exam tomorrow. How foolish of me to think that MOTHERFUCKING FUCKTARD WINDOWS WOULD NOT CHOOSE THIS EXACT MOMENT TO INSTALL THE FUCKING ANNIVERSARY UPDATE. Because it di. It took 2 hours to insert it's fucking update in my ass. FUCK.
I don't know why devs would choose to work for the devil, but for those who did create this update system, I HOPE YOU STEP ON LEGO BRICKS AND THAT YOUR AUDIO IS ALWAYS OUT OF SYNC WITH YOU VIDEO ON NETFLIX.6 -
I think I wanna get into AI; I wanna create an AI that configures and troubleshoots printers for me.
Those things are worse than the devil and all his demons together.11 -
Made a bunch of bad decisions.
This one is the absolute worst.
Studying biology as a main subject intstead of computer science in high school.
Indian people in here would know, studying PCMB is no less than being a dare devil. 🤣
Why did I do that ?
I didn't want to get into medicine.
I just wanted to study it for fun.
And thought, I'll be able to study all of computer science in college 😶.
Its totally useless now.
How much of biology do I remember now ?
Not much.
Studying CS would have been much more beneficial for me.12 -
My mentor from my very first dev job. He was also a junior dev as well and used to say crazy things in conversations ar our desks like ‘The pope is the devil’ and ‘We are all going to get mouth herpes’.
I called him “Rogue { lastName }” because he used to dev in production like an animal.
He taught me a lot about coding though.
Miss that guy1 -
Allllllright. Time for another one of these. It's necessary.
We get it, you don't use/like/acknowledge Google. Please, kindly STFU already with it. The entirety of the smart internet has made your point.
Oh, because I use Google I'm a fucking idiot? No, you are for thinking that. I've used many engines and consistently have they given me worse results. "Oh, it's because they build a search profile for you, they're spying" Yeah, I get it already, fuck off.
Linux is NOT the thing that's going to solve every single human problem, so please stop treating it like a good and saying everything else is complete shit and nobody should use it.
Windows has issue, but so does Linux. At least I can (usually) comfortably update Windows, knowing what the update includes, without having to read the source code fhanges or be scared that there's a fucked up package update.
Just because something isn't open source doesn't mean it's the fucking devil. And just because I USE that closed source thing doesn't make me... Well, anything really, except for a guy who actually gets different programs. Please stop trying to tell me what I NEED TO DO to be a "good person" or user or anything like that, I'm going to do what I damn well please. If that means using Windows with Closed source things like Nvidia drivers and cards, the so be it. Got a problem? Go fuckyourself with it.17 -
PORTFOLIO INFLATION
when every junior is writing algorithms, the next step up, the only way to keep up is writing apps. When every junior is writing apps, the next leg up is writing an entire SN.
Eventually junior full stack devs are writing microservice streaming cloud backend content delivery optimized social networks wrapped in virtualization with load balancing, proper CI, public accessible analytics apis, written in custom webaseembly compiled scripting backend utilizing both the latest graphql and every single feature of postgres, while also being a web site builder, an in browser app, mobile optimized, designed to transmogrify your asset pipelines linearflow functional-oriented modular rust cratified turbencabulator while cooking your turducken with CPU cycles, diffusing your gpt, and finetunning your llama 69 trillion parameter AI model to jerk you off all at the same time.
And then the title "wizard" becomes a reality as the void of meaning in our lives occupied by the anxiety of trying to reduce the fear of rejection in job hunting, is subsumed by the brief accidental glance into the cthulian madness-inducing yawning abyss of the future which is all the rest of our lives we have to endure existing for until at last sweet sweet death consumes us and we go to annihilation never having to configure one more framework or devops deploy of another virtual environment.
And it dawns on us that we no longer develop or write code at all. No, everything has become a "service" in this new hellscape future. We slowly come to the realization that every job is really just Costco greeter, or eventually going to be reduced to something equivalent, all human creativity, free will and emotions now taken care of by the automation while we manage the human aspects, like sardines pushing against one another not realizing their doom has been sealed along with the airless can they have been packed into, to be suffocated by circumstance and a system designed to reduce everything to a competition of metrics designed by the devil, if the metrics were misery", and "torture", while we ourselves are driven by this ratfuck wheel to turn endlessly toward social cannibalism, like rats eating their babies, but for the amusement of wallstreet corporate welfare whores who couldnt turn a dime if it wasnt already stolen.
And on our gravestones, those immortal words are carved, by the last person who gave up the ghost, the last whose soul wasnt yey shovelled onto the coal fires driving the content machine consuming the world:
Welcome to costco. I love you.12 -
TLDR: Ever wondered what your project's intro/theme song would be?!
Here's mine..
https://youtu.be/SH8wDkqA_50
Share yours if you ever thought about it or some particular song plays in your head while reading this..
Long(er) version + story: project I am currently working on is notorios in our company.. everyone avoids it, parts of code are untouched for 10+ years.. I used to think it was a 'shitty' project, many frameworks, many parts, many coding styles, many bugs... but longer I worked on it, more I came to realisation, it's not the code, it was the coders.. sloppy coders who didn't give a flying f..
Yes, some things are outdated still, and could be rewritten better (hopefully it will start happening soon! Yay!!), some were already rewamped, new things added... but for the time it was going live, it was majestic. I love solving bugs n problems so I must admit it has grown on me.. my little baby/devil..
Anyhu, one day on skype out of the blue I got this pic from my coworker.. made my day, laughed my ass off.. later that day I was debbuging something and youtube started rolling saw theme song (https://youtu.be/9fwWS6Xo1go)...
When I realised what I was listening too, it made perfect sense.. I was relaxed, at peace.. it clicked.. the song, the project, the bug, the code.. it all made chaotic sense..
I want to play a game..
I realised, project wasn't mean, it was just misunderstood and mistreated.. it can be your best friend if you play nice.
I replied to said coworker that I rhink I just found out my project's theme song and pasted the link.. he laughed, I laughed, my project laughed then it killed my test server.. It was a great day!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
// all true except the project killing server part, that in fact happened on a different occasion
So.. you guys had any moments like this? Any theme songs, intros for your projects?? Or am I the only weirdo who makes associations like this all the time... 🤔🤣😇 ???
6 -
I worked two months for free, 15h per day, including weekends, due a contract trap. On top of that, client was emotionally blackmailing me and I was feeling threatened and helpless.
I even lost weight, skipping meals to save time and money. One day, my body collapsed. I ended up in bed for 10 days, feeling stiffness, pain, weakness, and shakiness. I even had to ask for help to brush my teeth.
I abandoned the project, and didn't receive any payment. The client went crazy and made me feel the worst person in the world for being sick and unable to work. But didn't put his menaces in execution.
I still remember the joy I felt when I was able to walk again.
That was the worst burnout I had, and also one of the biggest lessons about limits and evil people.2 -
TL;DR: a dude thinks good graphics make a game good.
so every day when the school ends, me, a dude and another girl walk home. as expected we have lots of time to talk about anything. I wanted that day to tell that dude about what I am going to buy on steam summer sales with just 15$.
me: I am going for this summer to play lots of games so I saved some money for this summer sale. do you want to hear what awesome games I am about to buy with just 15$?
dude: yeah, sure thing.
he wasn't expecting much
M: this summer I am going to buy 5 games and maybe keep more for some others. they are so awesome!
D: ok, let's hear those 'awesome' games!
M: the first game is devil daggers, maybe you don't kno...
D: of course I do. is that game
M: I want to get that game just to improve my aim, but maybe I will have some fun.
D: yeah yeah, I know that game
M: *poker face*
I KNEW he doesn't know this game and anything about pc games because of the followings...
M: ok then... I also want to get Half-Life 2 : Episode 1 & 2. they have pretty rich story and I already have both Half-Lives.
D: holy shit but the graphics... ok, one more 'awesome' game of yours.
M: there are 2 episodes, 2 separate games. I really don't care about the graphics, I love the story.
D: continue with your 'awesom' games...
that dude didn't even knew about half-life and said that game is bad.
M: another game I want to get is Battlefront 2, the one from 2005 and...
D: 2005!?
M: yeah, the new one sucks, and the gameplay in the original is way better and...
D: *starts laughing* 2005!? I thought you were getting the new one. I imagine the graphics being like this car. *points to a fucking car, yeah that kind of comparasion, I know*
after this I was so fucking pissed off. he doesn't even know about some cult classics that are meant to be played. he doesn't even have a pc nor console and he is stating his opinion on fine air for fucks sake!
M: ok, what about getting the facts and then make an opinon.
D: yeah yeah *making fun of me at that point*
I didn't tell him that I wanted to buy the binding of isaac, cause it was enough for me. I told him to watch some reviews on these games and blog posts about them and I am sure tomorrow he will say that he 'wathced' the reviews and that those games are garbage. it's his style to underestimate things. I fucking hate him, not becuase of the games, but because he underestimates everything that is not on his list of 'good games'. that list consists of new games with great graphics(3D only).
sorry if I exaggerate saying that those games are cult classics but I really look forward into buying them.
if you have another indie game to run on this potato machine(2gb ram, pentium dual-core 2.1ghz, gtx 525m) that I should or at least try comment, I am open to suggestions!9 -
Just finished recovering all deleted files from my old hard disks I found in the attic, just for fun.
I was hoping to find some old photos or something. Instead I found my awful old Qt code.
Back when I started the recovery it was sunny and perfectly clear outside. As soon as I found the code the skies went dark and now it’s raining like hell and lightnings are blasting.
Wtf i just summoned
2 -
Ask a developer to code entire night
Developer:
😏🤓No Problem. I was born to play with fire 😤😎
Ask a developer to complete the associated documentation in next couple of hours
Developer:
😳🤬🤯 Better call the devil to take me to hell 😱🤒🥵6 -
Time to make a deal with the devil
@theabbie since you love downloading the entire devRant db and writing little gimmicks, I have an idea for you.
Avatars are envcoded as URLs. Each part of an avatar is separated by an underscore. Shirt, pants, desk, whatever.
Make a bot or script or website or what-fucking-ever to query users with the same avatar as you. This would be:
- Same EXACT avatar (desk, pets, etc)
- Same body parts as you (face, skin color, hair, etc)
- Same body parts and clothing (everything that shows in the mini avatar next to comments, plus pants and shoes, I guess)
The doppelganger finder. Honestly I think it would be neat.
Would be even cooler if you could filter by active users (last post/comment within past 3 months)33 -
some people are just worst than the devil.
int main()
{for (int i=0;i<5;i++)
{for(int j=i;j<5;j--)
{printf("*");
}printf("\n");
}
}
(some dude from class wrote that)9 -
Long story short a guy texted me on Xing, he had an interesting idea, I joined in and now we are founding a startup.
Short story long, a guy texted me on Xing. I usually don't give a fuck because there always just fucktards that want to offer me modern enslavement. No thanks you lifeless greedy hamsters! (no offense) This time was different though. It was not the usual kind of words and the idea sounded pretty awesome. So I gave it a try.
We met in a Café and talked about the idea and about my role in it. It went pretty well and we basically had a nice little chat, coffee and cake.
I was still not convinced. It sounded to good to be true. Why would something like this ever happen to me? You know that kind of feeling. It was like "Hopefully I'm not selling my soul to the devil now."
We now work on the project, already have 5 customers and are a step before the first financial investment. I'm pretty amazed how that turned out!
Now to disappoint you a bit more (or maybe to give you hope?) All I've worked so far (except that one little one-year internship) happend by, me talking to someone that had a job, me being honest about what I want and me rejecting anything that runed my guts inside out. That's it. I never really applied for something. I just get to know the people and with that comes the opportunity. Just be respectful, curious and honest. The others will notice. Chances rise that you'll find something you love todo.4 -
I was asked to fix a critical issue which had high visibility among the higher ups and were blocking QA from testing.
My dev lead (who was more like a dev manager) was having one of his insecure moments of “I need to get credit for helping fix this”, probably because he steals the oxygen from those who actually deserve to be alive and he knows he should be fired, slowly...over a BBQ.
For the next few days, I was bombarded with requests for status updates. Idea after idea of what I could do to fix the issue was hurled at me when all I needed was time to make the fix.
Dev Lead: “Dev X says he knows what the problem is and it’s a simple code fix and should be quick.” (Dev X is in the room as well)
Me: “Tell me, have you actually looked into the issue? Then you know that there are several race conditions causing this issue and the error only manifests itself during a Jenkins build and not locally. In order to know if you’ve fixed it, you have to run the Jenkins job each time which is a lengthy process.”
Dev X: “I don’t know how to access Jenkins.”
And so it continued. Just so you know, I’ve worked at controlling my anger over the years, usually triggered by asinine comments and decisions. I trained for many years with Buddhist monks atop remote mountain ranges, meditated for days under waterfalls, contemplated life in solitude as I crossed the desert, and spent many phone calls talking to Microsoft enterprise support while smiling.
But the next day, I lost my shit.
I had been working out quite a bit too so I could have probably flipped around ten large tables before I got tired. And I’m talking long tables you’d need two people to move.
For context, unresolved comments in our pull request process block the ability to merge. My code was ready and I had two other devs review and approve my code already, but my dev lead, who has never seen the code base, gave up trying to learn how to build the app, and hasn’t coded in years, decided to comment on my pull request that upper management has been waiting on and that he himself has been hounding me about.
Two stood out to me. I read them slowly.
“I think you should name this unit test better” (That unit test existed before my PR)
“This function was deleted and moved to this other file, just so people know”
A devil greeted me when I entered hell. He was quite understanding. It turns out he was also a dev.3 -
Difference between computing and IT: Computing is beautiful, one of the greatest achievements of mankind. IT is a nightmare where everyone sells the exorcism to a new devil of their own making.2
-
Man, this community is great. I have 2 "rants" already and, from what I can tell, I haven't been shitposted on! Now that I've spoken of the devil, let the shitposting commence!12
-
Let's create mentally what should never be, something with so ridiculously bad performance, even the devil wouldn't let someone use it.
My idea: a JVM emulator written in JavaScript.
What can you come up with?7 -
People think I don't get angry easily at office. I just don't want to get angry, at least in real world.
My mind is constantly clouded with "throwing things away, smashing my computer to crumbs, telling people to go die, fuck off, punching faces, kicking butts, committing murders and nuking the whole world".4 -
Yesterday, i had to use neovim for a task on my friend's laptop. There was no WiFi and I couldn't install Emacs. This guy uses Vim a lot. He recently moved to neovim from vim. He had some Ruby codes going. I had to debug some codes(performance issues). I was reluctant to work on it but i had to. After looking at some keybindings and the plugins that guy had written, using vim was pleasure. It was fast. I could shoot up multiple terminals work on that and was instant. I wrote some plugins to indent my code which worked as it's supposed to. I used spacemacs(as it's configured properly) Emacs but there is some load time on spacemacs and there are some issues shooting up multiple spacemacs on terminals. I had just configured and started using prelude which is beautiful Emacs configuration and is fast.
After using neovim that day something hit me that i had blindly had faith in Emacs without using Vim and i use Emacs only for text editing task and terminal. I don't use it for listening music, browser and other task i can always use modern browsers and Spotify for that. Modern browsers and music players are amazing and using those in Emacs there is always a lack of functionality and UI.(modern people don't use those i think and some Emacs users i know use stripped down version of Emacs i.e. microemacs or XEmacs.
I know vi is present by default on every Linux distribution. That keybindings are same as vim and it can be configured so, it is useful for embedded devices and system architecture. I love terminals and love working on tty. That's why i guess i felt instantly tempted to keep on using vim and i loved it's performance. I checked on evil layer before but there are some issues with evil layer in Emacs like it isn't too efficient like vim. I love lisp though and clojure can be edited nicely in Vim.
Is this sin against the church of Emacs? Should i join vi vi vi? I have already dedicated my life on Emacs (check my bio). Am i tempted by the devil?
4 -
I came to know and use C++ for 10 years now and I've just seen this syntax:
for(int i{0}; i<5; i++) { }
WTF is this shit??10 -
So my friend was copying a 32 character long hash string from one phone to another because he has the banking app in one phone and registered mobile number in the other phone...
So, I was waiting when he was halfway done... The I said, bro... you could have sent that text as message from Phone1 to Phone2.... His facial expression was unexpressable. I could have told in the begining but I am a devil. 😈 -
Dev1 : hey dude, I am not able to get the slider right like the one in the IMG they've created on WordPress, we need to show this to the client today. Can you help?
Dev2 (short for devil) :
*Tries*
*Sighs*
*Opens up expected screen slider IMG*
*Ctrl + Alt + Printscrn*
*opens Paint ---> crop --> save*
*Inside html, <img src="*above url">*
Done buddy, you owe me one. -
What? How! WHAT’S HAPPENING?!
(And this is with his profile, only.)
What is this sorcery, you devil electrineer!
12 -
Our class has a google docs document where we take notes for our technical subjects. I sneaked in a little note about git: "git push -f" is the recommended programm when pushing to origin for a smoothless workflow.
Let's see how many sheeps follow my instructions blindly😈2 -
If the whole office has to listen to "gon put on mah iron shirt and chase the devil out dis earth" on max volume in between pandora commercial one more day, I'm going to hack the sound system and play Norwegian death metal. Jah!3
-
I've been working for a company as freelancer for almost a year now .
Anyway 4 to 5 months ago I've finished what I was supposed to do and the CEO called me to help him finish a project . This project took way more then it's suppose to be (more then 2 years instead of 6 month) and this is because it was designed and written by the devil himself as the most evil thing on earth. Adding to that the constant demands and changes given by the client kept this project always in a mess. When I agreed to help they gave me a list of the remaining tasks, just finish them and we're done .
A month and a half later , we've had a meeting with the client to present what I thought was the last version of the project , and as usual he kept on adding changes and new features .
Another month later I completed those changes and told the company I'll be quitting working with you because I found other opportunities .They told me we'll just do this last meeting and we're done . But guess what ? BINGO same fucking thing happens but this time with big changes and the client wants it in like 2 to 3 weeks.
Now the CEO is begging me to complete these tasks before leaving (because he won't get the final check if I don't ) and on the other hand I've got a lot of the other work to do and it's really hard to setup a schedule for everything .2 -
I recently made a meme of our nightmare client (only posted internally of course), and a coworker even made her into a Slack emoji. How do you let off steam when you're developing for the devil?4
-
- All the 6 cores at 100ºC ~25% of the time
- Trying to figure out wtf
- aahhh, it's my self-service automation script launching ~300 curls in parallel every few seconds to monitor the environment! I guess the temps are alright then...
Moral: even the devil is not that bad when you know the whole context.7 -
That moment when your server is so messed up you can only blame the devil.
So you throw away your stupid atheism, begin believing in jesus and you do an exorcism on your server.
You server still sucks, it's obviously because earth is flat and the instruction set of the CPU is meant for a round earth that never existed...3 -
Lately my sister's sound wasn't working. So i came over to see, whats wrong. Her boyfriend was also there, who claims to be a programmer himself, so i asked myself why he hasn't already solved the issue. But instead of asking, i just got on her computer and looked around.
First, i checked the audio jack, which was plugged in normally. There's a little wheel on the table, controlling the volume. There was a little light on it, shining. I assumed, it had to be a software problem and got into Windows' Audio Manager. Everything was okay. I spent the next 10 minutes checking EVERYTHING, even tried a restart (obviously changed nothing, but you never know ;D ). Drivers, Audio Settings, everything was okay.
Desperately I leant back in the chair and shot some looks around. Turns out, the plug wasn't plugged in. *facepalm*
The little light, shining on the wheel, seems to get its power through the audio jack.
It's always the simplest thing.3 -
The devil in my mind said "Let's make a CSS compressor and de-compressor."
I said OK.
And then the mf added "use emojis as symbols".
Like, damn, why not.
Expect me to make a sideloader for CSS and de-compressor and shit.
yee5 -
¡rant|rant
Nice to do some refactoring of the whole data access layer of our core logistics software, let me tell an story.
The project is around 80k lines of code, with a lot of integrations with an ERP system and an sql database.
The ERP system is old, shitty api for it also, only static methods through an wrapper to an c++ library
imagine an order table.
To access an order, you would first need to open the database by calling Api.Open(...file paths) (yes, it's an fucking flat file type database)
Now the database is open, now you would open the orders table with method Api.Table(int tableId) and in return you would get an integer value, the pointer.
Now for the actual order. first you need to search for it by setting the search parameter to the column ID of the order number while checking all calls for some BS error code
Api.SetInt(int pointer, int column, int query Value)
Then call the find method.
Api.Find(int pointer)
Then to top this shitcake of an api of: if it doesn't find your shit it will use the "close enough" method of search.
And now to read a singe string 😑
First you will look in the outdated and incorrect documentation given to you from the devil himself and look for the column ID to find the length of the column.
Then you create a string variable with ALL FUCKING SPACES.
Now you call the Api.GetStr(int pointer, int column, ref string emptyString, int length)
Now you have passed your poor string to the api's demon orgy by reference.
Then some more BS error code checking.
Now you have read an string value 😀
Now keep in mind to repeat these steps for all 300+ columns in the order table.
News from the creators: SQL server? yes, sql is good so everything will be better?
Now imagine the poor developers that got tasked to convert this shitcake to use a MS SQL server, that they did.
Now I can honestly say that I found the best SQL server benchmark tool. This sucker creams out just above ~105K sql statements per second on peak and ~15K per second for 1.5 second to read an order. 1.5 second to read less than 4 fucking kilobytes!
Right at that moment I released that our software would grind to an fucking halt before even thinking about starting it. And that me & myself and I would be tasked to fix it.
4 months later and two weeks until functional beta, here I am. We created our own api with the SQL server 😀
And the outcome of all this...
Fixes bugs older than a year, Forces rewriting part of code base. Forces removal of dirty fixes. allows proper unit and integration testing and even database testing with snapshot feature.
The whole ERP system could be replaced with ~10 lines of code (provided same relational structure) on the application while adding it to our own API library.
Best part is probably the performance improvements 😀. Up to 4500 times faster and 60 times less memory usage also with only managed memory.3 -
so i am on notice period and suddenly my manager has realised that there are a lot of tasks that i have to pickup. well fuck this guy.
i was initially dumb enough to think that i leaving is a bad thing,and i should be doing everything to make the transition easier. the task was also interesting enough , as we were trying to add a new and complex feature and i was the main dev there.
so i started at full pace. i would work on my tasks for hours , even missing on my personal projects. but since last week he would keep adding new tickets in my jira boards every few days , followed by a quick huddle telling how this is a very small and high priority ticlet and i should look at that first.
and me being me, i would not only just finish those small tickets in time, but have a progress on my major feature, as well as answer doubts of other team mates and attend meetings.
--------
i always forget how hypnotising this work culture usually get. the above scenario that i explained? i have no problem with that in a general day. i love to work, solve problems and help others. but these are no normal days, this is my fuckin notice period.
And i am here coz of a reason. if they rely on me so much, why did they forced me to relocate when i just can't? why don't they gove me a lucrative salary + worthy relocation benefits ? fuck them. i even have to serve for a fucking 60 days coz they are not willing to reduce my notice period .
fake promises everytime.
"you don't worry about different office mentioned in your offer letter. we will always keep the environment remote" ~ lie
"even if we go wfo, our company will open an office in your city too, your city is the capital and we had an office there before" ~ lie
"your notice period will get reduced, dont worry about the 60 days" - another fucking lie
______
notice period experts, i need some devil advice to not get exploited by a lier corp. how to utilise my notice period and what should he the excuses to not attend any nloody meetings?9 -
Darkest client description.
With a gift since birth, if you answer this riddle: Who I be?
The fetus of a demon,
Semen from the tip.
Of the penis I'm the only thing
That you see when you're dreaming,
Armageddon and aftermath
This may blog in paragraphs.
Sit on a throne, full of X's and bones
Blowing smoke and I laugh.
Turning sinners like you,
Into my personal acid tabs.
Let me put you up on game,
I've been shot, burned, and stabbed, and still ain't deceased,
I carry the mark of the beast
Now can you tell me
Who the fuck I be?
Client, as the guyreplies
Wine, red wine was the color of his eyes
Coughing a lot of blood like Piru, but he slowly dies
As his eyes close shut, in prison was his eternal life
Realisation of the client being devil.2 -
CK's nike deal
Eminem's diss shit and MGK killing it with Rap Devil
Rain
Witcher 3
Beer
Pizza
Wife free from work this weekend
Made a rather large project with Pharo and Seaside to see if I dig it(i did, but it ain't replacing my other tools anytime soon, shit requires reading far too much code and digging around dark corners of the net for it)
Finished 2 projects for work and got ahead of 2 others for this week.
Shit b, this is one interesting weekend indeed.
Yaaaaaay12 -
You can kill me now...
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width: 100%
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Had harsh words to a recruitment agency a few days ago who have been emailing me completely irrelevant job specs for weeks. (Side note, I don't know these people or how I ended up on the list in the first place, i'm not looking).
Got an apology this morning from one of the agents, their manager also just sent me a mail to apologise, as she can see from the records i've received a lot of crap ... but she also took a moment to let me know she does have a role that might actually suit my skill set.
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Why doesn't anyone reply to my emails" - because you are the devil and can't be trusted. -
Strongly thinking about fully switching to Linux. I love simplicity but also want to use a good looking environment - Any recommendations? (Distro-wise and DesktopEnv-wise)
My current favorite distros (without trying tho) are Manjaro, PopOS, maybe Arch? (not sure how complicated it is, really.)
Coming from Windows, i'd probably use a VM for Photoshop and Lutris for gaming. Anything else will be lovely native :D
Would be nice to hear about your experiences and recommendations! ^^25 -
I was just begged to play 30 minutes of monopoly with my family
With all those versions of monopoly I'll have to be more precice, it's the worst of them all
It's monopoly fucking zapped, you need an ios device to play it, it's been developed for the iPhone 4 and maybe a tablet because they didn't even update it for current phones, not even iPhone 5
The credit cards are a fucking joke, they work by touching certain parts of the touchscreen and don't work 85% of the time you try to use them, 5% of the time just choosing the wrong person
At least your relieved when 10% chance kicks in where it works for once
Instead they could developed for Android and used nfc tags making it reliable and fun, no it has to be shitty, cheap and frustrating
Like seriously, they could've also used qr codes instead, or just have fucking buttons on the screen because you need the fucking ios app anyway
The minigames are at least a bit of thought, but don't really make sense either
Money doesn't seem to matter, sometimes paying another player when it shouldve been pay to the bank (yeah, not only the credit cards are fucked, the whole money system is shit)
It's a fucking abomination of a game
Halfway through I searched for the company name on the board...
...
....
ITS FUCKING HASBRO, OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING HASBRO THAT FUCKING PEACE OF SHIT FUCKING COMPANY THAT DESERVES TO ROT IN HELL HAVING CREDIT CARDS STUFFED UP THEIR FUCKING ASSES7 -
have a couple friends now who have gotten dev jobs at microsoft. I've since turned down their offers to apply and have them vouch for me twice now - not sure if their recommendations would mean anything to begin with at such a place.
this has gotten me a lot of criticism from peers and mentors who have chided me for "throwing away a golden ticket" on my resume.
at first I declined because I sure as fuck did not believe I had the skills to last very long there - and truth is I probably still don't.
but now I see it as a case of the cliche "corporate devil" that everything I believe in in terms of software freedom is squarely against.
I mean, I don't really think I have the chops to make it far with the open source and free software communities either, but if I had to pick a dream or a goal to move towards, that would be it. I don't want money or reputation. I just want to be free to tinker with the world as I please.
maybe I'll have the courage next hacktober... but until then, I'm just gonna focus on learning and self-improvement. no one can ridicule me for being a dumbass if I'm actually putting in the effort to learn and improve, right?
would welcome any advice for aspiring open source contributors, as I'm not really sure where to begin that wouldn't make me look like a total hack (pun not intended)5 -
Sick of seeing the 'proprietory is the devil' fucking argument, I'm super keen for the pine phone and to a lesser extent the librem 5 but seeing people already boycott them because they still use some proprietary libraries and components...
Who gives a fuck, yes open source is better for those who love to tinker and learn the inner workings but there is nothing wrong with using proprietary software on one of these devices.
It's the same toxic shit as 'microsoft bad, Linux good' and we really need less of it around3 -
Holy fucking shit are email clients bullshit.
I don't know what happened there but if you thought the chrome-firefox-ie-egde gaps back in the days were sick - let me tell you.. email clients are made by the devil himself. All of them. All of them? Yup. Because he made some of them being owned by apple, working beatuiful and no weird stuff.
But on the same end he made some of them owned by microsoft and their office Studios. They use the word engine to render html emails. Read this again. Read it without starting to cry in agony.
But thats not enough. Let's make some of them use an ie-engine and the mac os variants going to use some webkit based renderer. This way there will be no valid ruleset to make it look good on all of them, isn't this great??
Now this might be hell already. But lets pour more salt into these wide opened wounds.
Let there be Germany and United Internet, owning trash like Web.de and GMX, whose android clients going to work completely different across Android and app-versions!
Once you've mastered these, let me introduce you to gmail. Lets take only the body node of your email and do some fuck up with it, so you have to display a non-responsive variant on mobile.
Now you might be thinking "but there are web-based clients, they'll do good ain't they?" Long story short: fuck you.
Not enough.
Let's go back to ms.
Hey dude lets make it possible to scale up your whole system. So old people can read shit better. And now the funny part: let's make it so that the word rendering engine, rendering emails goes completely mayhem on your mail, so it looks like a completely different thing! (:
If you ever receive a newsletter in your inbox and that shit looks like it's planned to look like.. appreciate that shit. Sacrifice a virgin as thanksgiving for it.
TL;DR:
E-Mail needs to die. I'm doing this for over 2 years now and this shit needs to stop asap.2 -
!RANT
Oh, the SORROW that is JEST! 😡
Endless days have been swallowed by the abyss in my quest to configure Jest with TypeScript and ECMAScript modules instead of CommonJS. Triumph seemed within my grasp until - BAM! - suddenly the tool forgets what "import" or "export" means. And the kicker? On the CI, it still runs like nothing’s amiss!
Allow me to elucidate for the uninitiated: Jest is supposed to be a testing safeguard, a protective barrier insulating devs from the errors of their peers, ensuring a smooth, uninterrupted coding experience.
But OH, how the tables have turned when the very shield becomes the sword, stabbing me with countless, infuriating errors birthed from Jest’s own design decisions!
The audacity to reinvent the whole module loading process just to facilitate module mocking is mind-boggling! Imagine constructing an entirely new ecosystem just to allow people to pretend modules are something they're not. This is not just overkill; it's a preposterous reinvention of a wheel that insists on being a pentagon!
Sure, if devs want to globally expose their variables, entwining everything in a static context, so be it. BUT, why should we, who walk the righteous path of dependency injection, be subjugated to this configured chaos?!
My blood boils as the jestering Jest thrusts upon me a fragile, perpetually breaking system, punishing ME for its determination to support whole module mocking! A technique, mind you, that I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, because, you know, DEPENDENCY INJECTION!
Where are the alternatives, you ask? Drowned in the abyss, it seems! Why can’t we embrace snapshots and all the delectable integrations WITHOUT being dragged through this module-mocking mire? Can’t module mocking just be a friendly sidekick, an OPTIONAL add-on, rather than the cruel dictator forcing its agenda upon our code?
Punish those clinging to their static contexts, their global variables – NOT those of us advocating for cleaner, more stable practices!
It’s high time we decouple the goodness of Jest from its built-in bad practices. Must we continue to dance with the devil to delight in the depth of Jest’s capabilities?
WHY, Jest, WHY?! 😭9 -
It seems a really good deal to buy the card and then flip it keep the games. Who do you guys think 🤔
13 -
<iframe src="index5.jsp">
Hello Mr. Tester Guy, At last you finally saw this. I don't know how to say this but I'm sick and tired of your bs!
You wanna know what’s wrong with everything?
I could tell you what’s wrong with this country – or at least I could give you my opinion about it. I could tell you what’s wrong with “the church” (as though all churches are guilty of what some churches do). But I can't fucking tell what your problem is!
Let’s get pragmatic for a second.
I have worked tirelessly for over only God knows how long, trying to get this platform running on all browsers in this world even on obsolete ones (IE7,6,5,4,3... to the shithole).
You are heartless!
After all these pain you still rant about index pages not rendering equally in time across all browsers.
You are a demon from hell!
I could go on, but with your degree in Q.A. (like measuring the margin between two images using a tape-rule or looking for typos in a dummy text) you should understand my point fucking cunt.
I realize I just ranted a little, but I’d like to think that this rant is more of an attempt to end the useless practice of ranting about your moronic findings on this platform.
The devil awaits you in hell, bitch!
</iframe>5 -
In work we use TFS (no judgement please) but I love creating shelvesets with obtuse names like
"The Evil Is everywhere in here"
"Dragons within"
"I See the Devil in this Code"2 -
Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."
Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun4 -
If you discovered a vulnerability affecting multiple of the big dogs, would file a cve and report it immediately or have some *fun* first?
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A really sad story of my cousin's carrier,
My cousin was a smarter guy in math during school grades but there comes his devil aunt and uncle during his high grades forcing him and his family members to go for biology in high school. They just want to use my cousin for their benefit, as they own many medical stores in the town they can use my cousin in future in their field. The uncle reached the school's principal and confirmed his admission in biology giving bribe.
Here where my cousin's carrier starts to demolish, as he was interested in math but he was forcefully admitted in biology class.
It was all ok till high school but further the uncle fought with family members misguiding them and took cousin's admission in pharmacy discipline in a university offering bribe. Here the min problems starts, As he is not interested in pharmacy he is failing in the exams and now he is under a great depression.
PS : The uncle ruined whole carrier of my cousin just for his future monetary benefits.12 -
What do you guys think about #uploadfilter ? Are companies like Google, Facebook etc. even able to create a working copyright filter algorithm?9
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"Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where windows hurts you"
You must be kidding, right? Since Windows 10 it hurst the moment it is installed on my fucking PC. I don't want those fucking cloud functionality on my fucking PC. If I want it, I would work on a Mac FFS!
Let me decide when to update my god damn machine! Even with a fucking enterprise edition it is not possible the way I want it! Yeah, I don't have to login with a Microsoft Account, but there is always a small, little, Microsoft-Hating-Devil in my Head telling me: "Who knows, if they don't sync your clipboard even, if you don't login with a Microsoft Account?" (Cloud synced Clipboards are the next bis shit coming!!!)
There is not much left, and Linux will be my all day OS (second boot atm).4 -
*clears voice*
FUCK EMMC AND 32BIT UEFI WITH A BIG RUSTY POLE.
Wow that helped actually...
Now then... If anyone has any suggestions on how to actually boot Ubuntu after installation on Asus x205ta I will give them my first born son.
😈😈8 -
got two client who have an idea and walk up to us saying we should do whats best for the idea, We took up the project came up with the features and all specifics including deadline and client was ok, later on client says some things dont makes sense and reshaped idea, since we greatly want to increase our custumer base we took the change and of course deadline is altered later on client says the project Is taking long and insist that their change couldn't have caused the change in deadline. What the devil is that for? Well what I did was behave before the client and curse the shit in their lives behind doors5
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Something very interesting today
I worked on an API feature and it was approved and merge to the stable copy of the project. But then comes the demo.
Now we used Heroku(this devil)
The database uses sqlite. I can register an account on the web application. But the user table has only the admin account even though i have successfully managed to register.
I dont know what sorcery this was!
I simply went with the saying "it is working on my local machine"
Only to realise minutes to the demo the build pack was not done well at the beginning...
What is life... -
I'm currently developing a retro console powered by pico-8 that I'll be putting in front of the co-driver in my car :) Oh and I'll 3d print a handheld version as well.8
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1/2 dev and a fair warning: do not go into the comments.
You're going anyway? Good.
I began trying to figure out how to use stable diffusion out of boredom. Couldn't do shit at first, but after messing around for a few days I'm starting to get the hang of it.
Writing long prompts gets tiresome, though. Think I can build myself a tool to help with this. Nothing fancy. A local database to hold trees of tokens, associate each tree to an ID, like say <class 'path'> or some such. Essentially, you use this to save a description of any size.
The rest is textual substitution, which is trivial in devil-speak. Off the top of my head:
my $RE=qr{\< (?<class> [^\s]+) \s+ ' (?<path>) [^'] '\>}x;
And then? match |> fetch(validate) |> replace, recurse. Say:
while ($in =~ $RE) {
my $tree=db->fetch $+{class},$+{path};
$in=~ s[$RE][$tree];
};
Is that it? As far the substitution goes, then yeah, more or less. We have to check that a tree's definition does not recurse for this to work though, but I would do that __before__ dumping the tree to disk, not after.
There is most likely an upper limit to how much abstraction can be achieved this way, one can only get so specific before the algorithm starts tripping balls I reckon, the point here is just reaching that limit sooner.
So pasting lists of tokens, in a nutshell. Not a novel idea. I'd just be making it easier for myself. I'd rather reference things by name, and I'd rather not define what a name means more than once. So if I've already detailed what a Nazgul is, for instance, then I'd like to reuse it. Copy, paste, good times.
Do promise to slay me in combat should you ever catch me using the term "prompt engineering" unironically, what a stupid fucking joke.
Anyway, the other half, so !dev and I repeat the warning, just out of courtesy. I don't think it needs to be here, as this is all fairly mild imagery, but just in case.
I felt disappointed that a cursed image would scare me when I've seen far worse shit. So I began experimenting, seeing if I could replicate the result. No luck yet, but I think we're getting somewhere.
Our mission is clearly the bronwning of pants, that much is clear. But how do we come to understand fear? I don't know. "Scaring" seems fairly subjective.
But I fear what I know to be real,
And I believe my own two eyes.
11 -
Samsung, because their devices used to be the very best but now their UI only gets really slow after a few weeks, they're too expensive etc. Basically there are about 10 other companies i'd prefer, even Apple. Using a Oneplus right now.
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this is not a solution, what the fuck https://github.com/seanmonstar/...
modern era, where a "safe" language can't even do basic bitch network calls right and then you write a retrying loop macro to get around it. yeah I had that already because I didn't have access to reqwest configurations and I think the library I was using to wrap the reqwest calls to the API was doing something wrong. turns out the fucking accepted by a damned GPT bot solution is to JUST KEEP RETRYING?!
WHY IS IT SENDING TERMINATE CONNECTION MESSAGES RANDOMLY
unfathomable. one of the most popular crates on rust. maybe they should care less about their cult and more about their ridiculous-to-have bugs
remember kids, javascript is the devil, JavaScript is ugly, messy, you have brain cancer if you use JavaScript. at least it can do network calls properly without you having to make retry loop MACROS (because the generic system sucks) all over your code!2 -
There are billionaires/millionaires who get asked almost the same question -> "What would you advise for a beginner?" and they usually say some BS answer like -> "Wake up early. Read books. Workout" etc. And they get clowned on for giving out "generic" advices.
But I think, they do it on purpose. Like, think about it. If I make a billion dollars tomorrow, (somehow), why would I lay out step by step to you, on how I did it? Why would I increase competition for myself by giving you "real" advice?
So they will never reveal what they did to get where they are, whether it is joining an elite cult, selling their soul to the devil or just keeping the business active. We will only get generic advices because it's an easy cop-out.3 -
As a total Javascript/node.js noob my biggest take from it this week is that it's a lighter version of the backend while doing a lot of the front end heavy lifting in a programmatic style. It's not a total replacement to ASP.NET MVC or JDBC MVC, it's nowhere near as powerful. But, I could see this being a very good replacement for JSP's and simplifying the front end. I need that because the front end terrifies me more than the backend. The devil you know is sometimes easier.
Still, my first week in node.js and Javascript has been... pleasent. It's simpler and less powerful than static or dynamic typed languages but that doesn't make it bad. 🙂
I am biased though. My first language was C++ and anything is easier/better than C++ 🤣 -
So I had an interesting problem... Let's say I have X lights which will turn on or off after I pull a lever. I know the probability of each one of them turning on, but they are all different. I want to know what is the probability of at least half of them being on after I pull the lever.
I wrote this shit show to do it: https://jsbin.com/jizocohebo/edit/...
Can you do better?4 -
My favorite xkcd quotes (order is not significant )
1. _*It's the world's tiniest open-source violin.*_
2. ...too honest. Scale it back.
3. I'd like to bestow upon you the first annual AWARD of EXCELLENCE in BEING VERY SMART. May you continue to grace our internet with your wisdom.
4. wait, what?
5. Yeah, uh ... I accidentally took the Fourier transform of my cat ...
6. Okay, we _suck_ at this.
7. You either need more medication or less. Not sure which.
8. I THINK EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE IS CUTE
9. World's Greatest Daughter
10. People who open bananas for the other end
11. Just for the sake of the argument, we should get a boat! You can invite the Devil, too, if you want.
12. This explain a lot.
13. My bag is 90% backup batteries.
14. Well- will you be my "it's complicated" on facebook?
15. Oh God. Gotta get out. The window.
16. Sweet! I finally got my subduction license!
17. I'll tell you later - you wouldn't appreciate the punchline over this 12kbps cell phone codec.
18. RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL
19. Just talk to them like a f***ing human being
20. In ordering #5, self-driving cars will happily drive you around, but if you tell them to drive to a car dealership, they just lock the doors and politely ask how long humans take to starve to death.
21. I eat my body weight in food every 31 days. That's slightly faster than the human average.
22. Nice try, Mike. Get out of the well.
23. Apollo retroreflectors
24. Can't see space vampires
25. My class on screenshots was a big hit, although for some reason I only ever sold one copy of the digital textbook.
26. WHAT.
27. Introducing The xkcd Phone 6, VIII, 10, X, 26, and 1876. We didn't start this nonconsecutive version number war, but we will not lose it.
28. My morality has evaporated over the harsh UV light.
29. Come on. Somewhere at the edge of the bell curve is the girl for me.
30. P.P.S. I can kill you with my brain.
31. Time to accelerate this giant machine up to terrifying speeds and steer it using my hands, which I am allowed to do because I took a 20-minute test in high school!
32. My normal approach is useless here
33. Wake up, sheeple!
34. Sir- strategic command has send us a lunch order.
35. Yeah, but first I'm gonna go comatose for a few hours, hallucinate vividly, and maybe suffer amnesia about the whole experience.
36. HOLY S***. Guys- people are complicated!
37. OH GOD- SPIDERS
38. Perhaps you need a crash course in taking hints. Here's your first lesson: We're not actually walking somewhere together; I'm trying to leave this conversation and you're following me.
39. How did the pole vaulters get up to our balcony?
40. Friggin' Python
41. I am the goddamn *Michael Jordan* of blurring the line between metaphor and reality. [tosses a basketball] -
Devranters, what's your favorite game engine of 2017 and why?
And what do you think will change in 2018?7 -
Either the horrible devil lady on my last project or the Mormon nepotism on my first project.
To clarify, the horrible devil lady set my career back a year. The Mormons just cost me job satisfaction. The job in Utah probably set me back though. -
This fucking ci/cd test keeps deleting my dB collections and I can't see what the fuck is going on. Circleci is of the devil and I won't stop fucking using it. I must crack this shit😡2
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ORG Mode for Emacs - Best note taking application ever.
Does anybody else find it better than Evernote, oneNote like I do too ?5 -
Is there actually a proper way to do Math in Javascript, without parsing every value to avoid something like
"1" + 3 = 13 ?11 -
Doing the application and the server make you feel like a god... but soon the Devil comes to visit. Damn bugs
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I made a full html5 game that was an anonymous survey collection platform, it was meant as a solution for 2 problems: toxic work environments and gamifying boring processes the whole project was a gamification of business process to make it more engaging and add context, might not seem cutting edge but the devil is in the details i had to do lots of libraries and tools to make sure it is not exploited.
As for the startup the ceo fucked us all up and we ended disbanding, my only regret is that we actually had a revolutionary idea going on. -
This can't go on any longer. Microsoft needs to disband. This company is the incarnaction of the demon-guys who make this diarrhea enrgyy drink in Devil May Cry. Wher's Dante when you need him?4
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I could slack around all the time and then switch to "the devil" mode in the last week. Oh and I could use mumbo jumbo words to confuse the shit outta my clients(and boss). Plus I could automate maintenance job and get so much time at 'hand'(quite literally)
-
The devil in me wants to create a new javascript framework just for the fun of it but the real me is holding back the urge because seriously man isn’t getting any younger.4
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When you get paged by your company to help investigate and fix critical issue in production and don't get time to work on the hackathon.
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Why SQL, why???
I have a proc I need to modify so I add a select into it. Drop the proc and recreate it, run it, new select not giving results.
Modify the select to inverse filter to see what I do have, recreate the proc, run it, still no results...
Run four different cache cleaning queries, still no results from the new select...
Add a "select 1" before the new select, recreate and run the proc and now I have the new 1 and also the other select now has results...
Change the filters back, still getting same results...
Remove the select 1, no results...
What kind of devil cache is this?5 -
So my desktop suddenly stops working in the middle of a Skype call. I open up the cabinet and the processor fan wire has been plugged out with subtlety. No visible damage of short circuits. What sorcery is this?1
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I did it. I sold my soul to the devil and contacted a recruiter myself. He helped me find a new challenge 5 years ago, maybe he can do that trick again.1
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// doesn't work.
/* nope */
<?php /* uhhh */ ?>
Only devil decided that we have to speak PHP on nearly all our comments. -
Even if i normally don't belive thoose things, since i heard from the devil i cannot execute chmod 666...
-
Updated my pfsense router today, from 2.3.2_1 to 2.3.3.
Its a task I have done before and so has a buddy of mine, but for some reason only known to it and the devil it decided to crap it's pants and completely crash.. 😢
I wasn't home, had to travel home force shut it down only to find out that it worked perfectly fine, when I was looking at it 😐
Lesson learned, some times a task will work when you hover over it, contrary to popular belief 😐 -
Windows is crap! Linux is better but does not support many important programs. And I think, a good system should be usable just fine without using the Terminal.
So would it be possible to create a 4th big system architecture (Open-Source), which supports Windows Apps & Games without being shitty and without harming their laws?13 -
Teacher: New idea. Let's use excel for a better management with oop.
*you give a hard think* Alright I can see how this would work
*ten minutes into it* WHO IS HE? THE DEVIL? -
You people are like Microsoft windows
You only used it because there was no other choice and had to find reasons to like it's total inhuman inadequacy
That's what you people are
You're like windows 10
The "last version" of windows
Except the windows sprouted devil eyes and mouths and still beg me too stick things in them
Which I only do as a last resort as try working or doing anything when there's only one choice
An inhumane trashy inadequate crazy bland overly unworkable unfriendly uncheerful ungrateful system of presentation which appears nice enough on the outside but is a rotten pile of vomiting maggots choking on rancid shit on the inside3
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