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You can't even make this shit up.
The British NCSC is stopping with the terms "blacklist" and "whitelist" because it would be racist...
Fucking oversensitive cocksuckers.29 -
My dev skills currently feel like England in the mid 1600's.
Everyone around me has already conquered some projects while I sit in the side fighting a civil war with myself while having very humble accomplishments.
But I'll show them. I'll show them all. While they grow weak and weary over the ages, I'm slowly but surely getting stronger.
In the end I will conquer and rule the waves like no other. I will build a dev empire that will be remembered for years to come.3 -
Did you hear of the story of the fucked up data migration at the british bank TSB? People can't access their money for a week now. And people see the accounts of other bank custumers. The CEO had to call IBM for help.
https://theguardian.com/business/...3 -
I, (a British developer), just had to explain how American Zip Codes work to my US-based colleague...6
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Why the fuck is it raining right now and why the fucking-fuck does it cost 15 British money to ship 4 magazines to my apartment?
I also ran out of beer.
6 -
When will Amazon learn that I'M BRITISH! DONT FUCKING SHOIW ME PRICES IN FUCKING USD*, EVEN WHEN I'M ON THE FUCKING BRITISH SITE! WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO FUCKING SIGN OUT AND IN AGAIN EVERY FUCKING TIME TO REMIND IT!?
I'm just trying to buy a raspberry pi zero....
* I have nothing against USD, but I need to swear in order to vent my frustration.8 -
Disclaimer: Long tale of a tech support job. Also the wk29 story is at the bottom.
One time I was working tech support for a website and email hosting firm that was in town. I was hired and worked as the only tech support person there, so all calls came in through me. This also meant that if I was on a call, and another one came through, they would go straight to voice mail. But I couldn't hang up calls either, so, sometimes someone would take up tons of time and I'd have to help them. I was also the "SEO" and "Social Media Marketing" person, as well; managed peoples' social media campaigns. I have tons of stories from this place but a few in particular stick out to me. No particular order to these, I'm just reminiscing as I write this.
I once had to help a man who couldn't find the start button on his computer. When I eventually guided him to allowing me to remote into his computer via Team Viewer, I found he was using Windows XP. I'm not kidding.
I once had to sit on the phone with a man selling Plexus Easy Weight Loss (snake oil, pyramid scheme, but he was a client) and have him yell at me about not getting him more business, simply because we'd built his website. No, I'D not built his website, but his website was fine and it wasn't our job to get him more business. Oh yeah, this is the same guy who said that he didn't want the social media marketing package because he "had people to hide from." Christ.
We had another client who was a conspiracy theorist and wanted the social media marketing package for his blog, all about United States conspiracies. Real nut case. But the best client I've ever had because sometimes he'd come into the office and take up my time talking at me about how Fukushima was the next 911 and that soon it'll spill into the US water supply and everybody was going to die. Hell, better than being on the phone! Doing his social media was great because he wanted me to post clearly fake news stories to his twitter and facebook for him, and I got to look at and manage all the comments calling him out on his bullshit. It was kinda fun. After all, it wasn't _me_ that believed all this. It felt like I was trolling.
[wk29] I was the social media and support techie, not a salesperson. But sometimes I was put in charge _alone_ in front of clients for status meetings about their social media. This one time we had a client who was a custom fashion-type person. I don't really remember. But I was told directly to make them a _new_ facebook page and post to it every day with their hot new deals and stuff. MONTHS pass since I do that and they come in for a face-to-face meeting. Boss is out doing... boss things and that means I have to sit in with her, and for some fucking reason she brought her boyfriend AND HER DAD. Who were both clearly very very angry with me, the company, and probably life. They didn't ever say anything at first, they didn't greet me, they were both just there like British royal guards. It was weird as fuck. I start showing them the page, the progress on their likes goals, etc etc. Marketing shit. They say, "huh, we didn't see any of these posts at home." Turns out they already had a Facebook page, I was working on a completely seperate one, and then the boyfriend finally chimes in with the biggest fucking scowl, "what are you going to do about this?" He was sort of justified, considering this was a payed and semi-expensive service we offered, but holy shit the amount of fire in all three of them. Anyway, it came down to me figuring out how to merge facebook pages, but they eventually left as clients. Is this my fuck up? Is it my company's? Is it theirs? I don't know but that was probably the most awkward meeting ever. Don't know if it comes across through text but the anxiety was pretty real. Fuck.
tl;dr Tech support jobs are a really fun and exciting entry level position I recommend everybody apply for if they're starting out in the tech world! You'll meet tons of cool people and every day is like a new adventure.2 -
British company supplied with Ukrainian documentation for the wrong application. Needless to say it was in Russian.1
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Fuck you BT, charge me £80 for phone and internet, then only give me 50% of your advertised speeds that cuts out at random points then when I complain tell me you'll look into it but if you find any issues within my property I have to pay for the fixing of all issues with my line inside and outside the property not to mention the over £100 call out fucking cost!!! Plus you were fucking charging me £6.99 a month for BT fucking Sport that I don't watch and that I was told on 3 occasions was fucking free for the last 3 years!!! Again I will reiterate FUCK YOU BRITISH TELECOMS10
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The British summer results in restless nights and broken sleep filled with nightmares.
One particular dream last night involved my friends messing around with a ouija board and they begin asking in questions. I remain sceptical and tell them to ask it to reveal the solution to the issues I'm having retrofitting a legacy web app with a new design.
The board disconnected itself. Hell had no answer. -
1 year and a half ago, I quit the job where I spent almost 6 years; My first job after that was as a freelancer for certain company here in colombia, but after sometime I learned that freelancing for local companies is not well payed at all, so I decided to try to work with toptal(a pre-vetted freelancer platform)
So the process included a first interview with a HR person, it was a british lady that mopped the floor with me(she wasn't rude at all but I felt horrible) 'cuz I couldn't speak english good enough, and then I was rejected... Some time down the line I created a rant for anyone that were willing to speak sometime to practice english conversations. @jesustricks and @orhun answered and in fact I got to speak with them.
@amyshackles spoke with me too, I reached her out over linkedin 😊
Just wanted to say thank you, finally I got a job offer with a nearshore company, you helped me a lot there, speaking with you people gave confidence and more knowledge. Again thank you, love you guys.
PS: you don't have to love me back7 -
Okay, I know it's nothing and all that, but holy shit please either use british date standards on en_GB systems or use ISO-8601 everywhere. It's really confusing for someone from EU to read American dates..1
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I accidentally chat this on our general channel on Slack.
"I've noticed you can tell how much a British person likes you based on the amount of insults they give you."
The problem is, minute has passed. How I wish I have the time machine.5 -
I hate when installers have "British English" and "American English" listed
It should say "English" and "English (simplified)"13 -
!dev
Just wanna share yesterday nights story because I really really enjoyed it..
Have been to Galway with a friend.
Went to the pubs and 2 Irish girls tried to speak French - just for fun. A French guy wanted to flirt with them and said: “you British girls are so cute when you try to talk French.”
The girl completely freaked out and screamed at him: “ DONT YOU FUCKING DARE TO CALL AS BRITISH..” and the second girl started singing in the middle of all the people: “Come out ya Black and Tans, come out and fight us like a man”..
Ended with those girls trying to stop other Irish guys from beating up that French guy.
Few pubs later at 2:30am walking to the car (driver didn’t drink) when the “irish Jesus” (YouTuber) walks by and asks us if we have “something”, he really needs to get stoned 😂
Best night ever..
No offense to the British here, I assume you’re familiar with your shared history;)3 -
British summer, the glorious fortnight where outdoor temperatures rise to comfortable levels, the shorts come out, and we see the strange glowing fireball known as "the sun".
And in response, our office aircon is set to "arctic". I'm sat at my desk trying to code while wearing a jacket and gloves.2 -
Who wants to play a game?
Let's play....
Is This Sexual Harassment!?!?
I won't publicly reveal who is the other person in this convo. I just want genuine opinions.
For reference, the convo started in another language, and quick mention of their fondness for my eyes... i simply ignored with 'lol' and chatted on and off for some hours... next time it was in english with use of " darling", which I simply stated wasnt something anyone who knew me would say.
they claimed it was just british... it's not. I actually use UK spellings due to working for years for UK based companies.
back in the other language... ' angel' , 'princess', *some equivalent of a small rabbit*,...me once again, more directly, asking why and saying no/they are irrelevant to me, to each.
the next part was hysterical, but to not out the person or skew opinions, that's being omitted.
the following came after me running out of time so it needed to be a call or i needed to mute them. they got muted.
SOOO,,,,
IS THIS SEXUAL HARASSMENT???
my dev friend/partner and I can't find the right term for wtf this is... which is odd as we both have an extensive vocabulary and are highly specific.
113 -
I want a mini replica of a shotgun.
When you pull the trigger I want it to say "Sod off!" in a British accented voice.4 -
Just had a customer into my shop. A regular chap but we've never really spoken before. Turns out he's a system architect for British Aerospace Engineering, a huge company up here in the north of England. So we were chatting about what I study and what he does and I said, if I come out with a first or solid/high 2:1 in my software engineering degree, would that qualify me for an entry level at your place, and he said no. Hrs part of the interviewing panel, and he wouldn't even consider people my age (23 at time of qualification) without at least having another job in the field, and said most places would be the same. So let's say I decided to not go in for anything Web development and focused on C++, is there any sort of way you guys know of gaining experience in the field without first having another job? As mentioned I do freelance Web development, but do you think having a large Github portfolio and such would help me stand a chance? I know I'll need to take a lower tier job straight out of uni in the field, but as something to help speed the process along...5
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"Have you seen this new movie? It's really good, it's British English though, but it's subbed."
I laughed my ass off. 😂 -
!dev
Jeff Bezos is now the wealthiest person the planet. Not in history, like an incorrect article I read. Shortlist of wealthier historical figures (certainly, given inflation) : Mansa Musa/Malian kings of same lineage, The British Monarchy for approx 1000 years, Roman Caesars, Lorenzo D'Medici, Francesco Borgia. The list goes on...
Whats actually troubling besides the fact that a well known publication would print something so historically inaccurate, is that the wealthy of today can only properly be compared to monarchs, warlords, and god-kings. THAT, is a terrifying reality.5 -
Whoever said that "The IT Crowd" is a good TV Series...
WTF?
It's so... lame.... Are all the British comedies like that?23 -
!rant
I love that you can get Google to swear. In her oh so British accent. Voice search : 'what does FML stand for' -
Keyboard layouts/localization seem like something went horribly wrong and nobody decided to clean up the mess.
And now we have multiple layouts where the fucking alt key doesn't even work exactly the same between them, how is that even possible? And who thought it was a good idea to differentiate between left and right alt, shift and control keys, leading to subtle issues nobody asked for?
In Vim I made a keyboard shortcut with alt and on the British layout it only works with the left alt key, on the US layout on both. Wat. -
I was thinking about what the correct term is for the "." symbol at the end of sentences. Is it dot, point or period?
Turns out it is period, but I also learned that in British English it’s called full stop, which I find very funny 😂. It sounds like something that one would scream in an emergency. FULL STOP!
Anyway, in German there is only one word for dot, point, period and full stop.90 -
In the mid-2010s, we barely had any apps in our native language and popular coupon and review sites were lackluster in our neck of the woods.
So me and some old uni colleagues got together to make a WhatsApp based "wtf is going on right now and right around here"
think Groupon meets yelp meets Google maps meet trending topics. The idea was that local business would post deals and events and people would comment on it giving stars on real time, with geolocation. So you could see what was going on right next to you, and business owners only needed WhatsApp installed to post new topics.
We... failed to go viral. That simple. Things get frustrating when infinite no-questions-asked venture capital is not available.
Then me and the other founders got very lucrative jobs in former British colonies and that was it.
This idea might still work nowadays, but it would be reeeealy hard to navigate around Whatsapp's terms of service.
Good luck to anyone who might want to try.4 -
Went for an interview yesterday, the interviewer was trying to speak in British accent, it was really bad. I was cringing the whole time.
Trying really hard to forgot then whole awful experience... :D
I hope someone tells the poor guy, how bad that accent sounds. -
!dev related
A friend was showing me pictures of British cooking. We were joking about it. But honestly it's so bad I legit almost threw up twice on her bedroom floor just looking at the images in google search.5 -
Richard Garriott (alias Lord British). The pionier of RPGs and great influencer of the MMORPG Genre.
Not everyone will know this guy. But the ppl who know what he is responsible for ... will agree ;) -
Not really a rant, but I love Android!
Go to Settings -> Language and Input -> Language, and change it to English (UK), the answers given by Google assistant will have a British accent. Change it to English (India), Google assistant will have an Indian accent, and the same thing applies for English (Australia) and obviously English (US).
Perfect example of phone adapting to the user!4 -
Every time I come across the phrase "I beg your pardon", my mind reads it out to me in the voice of a lady, with a thick British accent. I don't know why.2
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Citizens of Belarus, China, Egypt, Hong Kong, Iran, Libya, Macau, North Korea, Russia, Syria, Taiwan, Ukraine, and Vietnam can’t enter British Ascension Island.
Vietnamese citizens can’t ever apply for Green Card.3 -
Sooo a coworker and I tonight were working on some software and somehow got side tracked on discussion regarding our thinking process, and how one of our other coworkers always things so strangely always defensive etc.. which then lead us to saying it would be nice if we could like see and feel how another persons brain is and how they draw conclusions and think..
this conversion immediately changed to the inner-monologue discussion.
And holy shit went go distracted for 4 hours tonight!
I have inner monologue, visual, auditory, symbolic and non symbolic abstract thinking in my mind, and it’s all happening at the same time, like a million miles a minute.
The other coworker has no inner monologue at all.
4 hours questioning each other trying to understand how the other one things then debating what we believe how the one perticular Coworker thinks. And then placing bets on what we think all the other coworkers are.
I’ve never had such a deep discussion on how my brain works nor how someone else thinks.
Like I was like joking but serious not in a bad way I’m not crazy my brain switches thinking depending on the situation I don’t have to. Try or think about it just occurs..
Like remembering things I’ll daisy chain and hop pictures, words and thoughts to bring back things but no effort it just occurs.
When a song is playing I can remember the last time I heard that song or part of the song I can feel how it was, I can see what I was doing what was happening in the world etc.
In the shower or driving I will have debates in my mind and play scenarios out in my mind on how a conversation or situation will go. I visually see and hear and feel the conversation that did or did not occur at that time. And I can jump to “playing” each person.
Or when a large decision is to be made or brainstorming an idea to me I like having the British parliament in a room, and debating the topic.
When people are talking I visually see what they are saying.
I thought EVERYONE was like this.. apparently not lol.
But this conversation did bring up a lot of realization of why I can quickly jump to conclusions or quickly move thru a conversation or concept but my coworker is lagging behind. Or having a hard time visualizing what I’m saying, thus me drawing it very fast and him/them saying how did you come up with that that quickly... ugh because in my mind I’ve already drew it up I’m just drawing what I see. Almost having to slow down and go back in time to explain something to them.
THEN we called a few of my “Star” interns haha and asked them, apparently they are all think the same way I do or atleast somewhat, which explains why some people I work i able to express ideas and continue thru a topic very quickly. While others I must slow down.
We need more of these discussions until now I had no idea there was “a different way people mentally process things” the entire conversation was very enlightening for the both of us, now I know what I must do differently and so does the other one.
But then we thought what caused this? Is this a learned trait from experience as a child? Or evaluation? Or just the deck of cards we are delt? Is this left hand people or right hand? I’m left hand and the two interns are left hand and they think the same, but the other coworker in the discussion was a right hander.. then we thought was this a result of imaginary friends as a young child? Was this a result of reading as a young child? Is one version better at math than the other.. music etc... is this a result of hyperactive brain? Drugs? Could drugs induce it? What does alcohol do to it...
Yeah we questioned all these things and more seriously went down the rabbit hole tonight... lmfao, tomorrow we will be surveying the rest of the team to see if we can draw any spurious informer conclusions and how accurate our bets were based on what we know personality wise of the other coworkers
SOOOOO thoughts???? Hahah
How many of y’all knew the other type existed? What type are you? And are you introverted or extroverted? Any rational relations we can connect to better explain this shit?9 -
Fucking hell. So, I had an interview with market research company and in said interview I got told to bring my passport to my first shift training and it was ok if it was 5 years out of date. Additional info, they were supposed to call us on Thursday to book said shift and send us an email with a information pack. They never did.
Ok, day of shift comes along. After I booked it because no one fucking bothered to call any of us. Email never arrived but whatever. I go to the place and bring my 3 years out of date polish passport... Big fucking mistake. They don't seem to like polish passport seeing as how it's only the British ones that get the out of date is okay thing. So I'm sitting there still calm because sure, company policy, they have to do it. The training guy was nice and all, offered to get me to their office to speak to them about it. I accept and off we go.
At the office, I basically get the information that it's only British passports that get it and I basically can't use anything else as proof of ID, which is funny seeing as I have a polish identity card that I can leave and enter the country on within the EU. I suppose I'm going to try looking for a job that doesn't require passports for now and if I find a good one then they can go get fucked by a bull for all I care.
In conclusion, I get to wait till I'm 18 (thankfully only a month) to apply for a new passport in the local polish consulate. Brilliant. All thanks to some cunt that decided they require fucking passports with such beautiful (note the sarcasm) rules. The fucktards.
Hoping the apocalypse comes early for these cocksuckers,
BadFox -
Anyone here taking (or taken) the SAT exam? I have got it in a week-ish and am shitting bricks!! Doesn't help being British (thus I never learned anything specific to the SAT) and I *may* have procrastinated... 😳🤦♂️2
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Joe Armstrong.
Because he gave us Psychobitch (https://youtube.com/watch/...)
His British humor,... just watch some talks..1
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