Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me

*piano starts

Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant

*piano

It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning

*epic guitar

I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo

I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging

Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!

*epic guitar

So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here

*epic guitar solo

Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them

Any way this code blows

As much as I hate sport and love sitting at home at my pc
I'm gonna try to run a bit every day

I mean, it's told to be good for you

(so far, I started running around the "block" 2 times, I don't think it counts as much, but hey, gotta start somewhere)

Oh, you're 87% Web Design, are you? Get the fuck outta here.
Literally one of my biggest pet peeves for CVs/resumes/company website templates

It goes like this.
I have one final task to solve before starting in a new job at a different company. This guy, which is also a board member in the company in which I'm currently hired, is also an IT consultant and project manager in a fairly large company. This said person is also a key person for me being able to solve this last issue. I send him a complete guide on what he has to do before I can move on and wrap it all up.
First conflict arises because he doesn't follow the guide and tells me something is not working. I kindly inform him why and the response I get is very personal and not kind in any way, telling me and my boss that I am bad at my job and that he will bill us for 1000 USD for the 5 hours he used "debugging" and testing. This should have taken him 30 minutes and I have no idea what he spent those 5 hours doing.
It comes down to that my boss sides with this asshole and tells me that I have to do the task all over and test the system for the 4th time (yes I tested it 3 times beforehand to make sure nothing could go wrong) What my boss and the asshole doesn't know is that my uncle is vice president in the firm the asshole is working for. After kindly reminding this asshat that he has to follow the guide and that I can confirm everything is working, he keeps on attacking me. It's very rare that I fuck up and I have consulted 2 colleagues and got them to test it as well. They found no issues at all. The asshole ignored my request of documentation that something was not working.
I'm so full of being treated as an idiot so I send my uncle the email correspondence with the asshole to confirm that this is not how any of their employees should behave independant of my ability to do my job.
He will speak with this fucker tomorrow at work as first thing in the morning. I'm not proud of the way I went about this, but that was like the last drop, if you know what I mean.
Sorry for the long rant.

CEO had a meeting with the Dev team today and it went a little like this..

CEO: You guys shouldn't be doing any Googling. You should know everything about building websites.
Me(in my head of course): GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

*knock knock*
"Who's there?"
"Release"
"Release who?"
"Release this friday!"

What to do in case of fire:

Get yo bitch ass outta here.

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

Getting told that technology is bullshit and that humans have forgotten how to interact with each other (meaning being social) by people from the same age bracket that throw a fit because they can't use said technology is both hilarious and infuriating.

Seriously, aren't these old farts more concerned with things such as starbucks not putting "merry Christmas" on their fucking red cups? Am I supposed to take their shit seriously? No the fuck I am not, and neither should you.

If your old ass can't work how your fucking smartphone works, or have a haaaaard time trying to select Netflix from your smart tv app selection then the problem is not my generation. Its your dumbass for not keeping up.

Its fine if you don't want to use technology, fuck if I care. But you ain't winning this shit because of your preferences regarding technology.

Also, telling me that I am wrong for wearing my headphones at the gym to shut people off. Wtf dude, not everyone wants to fucking talk to others all the time, specially during gym time. I am there to work out and get sexy af, not to ask you how your fucking day went, I don't know u, i don't want to know you, you already showed me how fucking close minded and uninteresting you can be, why the fuck should I give that shit a chance?

Fuck outta here with that shit. He went on to tell me that software is made by people with 0 social skills. Booooooy I would have your granddaughter(she is my age) any day of the fucking week and you can tell me if we lack "social skills"

Foh

I got an alert for a job and decided to apply for it.

First, it forced me to make a new account on their HR site. Strike one.

Second, it forced me to upload my resume to then make me re-construct my work history from scratch because these stupid resume import systems never get anything right. Strike two.

Third, it requires me to provide a PHONE NUMBER for EVERY employer I've ever had!? Over a 26-year career? When half those companies either no longer exist or the people I knew phone numbers for, and their phone numbers, are LONG GONE? Get outta here!

Three strikes, you're out!

Knock knock?
Who is this?
Git
Git who?
Git outta here, ish ma house

One of those "Fuck this shit, I'm outta here" moments! CEO, in a dying startup wants to go on a 5 day vacation to Mexico while I'm sitting here fixing production bugs! FUCK THIS SHIT BRUH

So I just got this email from a tech company, I registered to send my CV some years ago , about a dev Job openning.

The descripition included:
Java and Angular ( first red flag )

So I go to their site to check it out ...
No https, ping the domain returns an ip from another continent with 500+ ms latency.

Major flaws on the site usability...
Super dumb password recovery method...

I'm fucking outta here dude. I might send them a proposition to fix their servers and at least put it behind letsencrypt though...

And these morons have big clients, like my bank... wtf...

One hour later and you come up with this shit? Really Windows?!

Imagine naïvely treating your ONLY full-time employee like a robot that simply accomplishes tasks for you on a whim without even waiting for or even acknowledging their feedback (when that feedback has +10 years of experience of product development over you).

I wonder what it's like to operate at so idiotic a level on a day to day basis.

I don't care if you have all the fucking "vision" in the world, I'm actively searching for new positions, especially the ones that pay me double or triple what I'm earning now. I'm outta here, pronto tonto

Yeah, you founded a fucking company, been there, done that, 2 times even. just shut up

Alright, this my fucking rant right here. Distraction? This whole company is a distraction! Boss decided to throw us all in an open work environment doing jobs that require careful concentration. Straight outta college I'm getting handed vague ideas, (make a desktop app that helps our customers put data on the internet, make an iPhone app) with out so much as an inkling of what technologies to use, just make it work.
Ok I will but when you hit a roadblock with very little resources to draw in it's hard to stay focused.
On top of that since I worked in support for a year I'm our senior support person! But sometimes support just doesn't use their brains and I'm using my time to solve very basic problems.
That brings me to my next point, the goddamn piece of shit that is our telephone. Fuck that thing when it rings it's never good. Moreover, since I don't want to get roasted for not being responsive I have the motherfucker forward to my personal cell. So I answer every fucking call and I get so many spam calls!
Not to mention I'm mainly running the hardware show around here. Shits broke I'm the one fixing it. Need new shit I'm putting the order together.
Tried to get a new guy to be the sys admin, ordered a 6th gen board with a 7th gen proc, had to pull 3 machines apart to get that sorted. Then he left bc family issues, and has been gone for weeks.
The other devs are also slam up busy, and the main product is about 15 people's piss on a plate of garb age spaghetti. (I got a lot of shit going on but at least I'm the only one pissing in my spaghetti) it's a constant run around if who does what with a code first plan later mentality causing confusion and delay.
Nobody wants to help anybody because they are also annoyed with this setup and are getting bitched at by customers or management.
Sales is mostly composed of a bunch of crackhead yes men and women who just want a commission and only half know the shit we sell and have sold 15 new features that had not been discussed. But management always says make it happen. In what priority? It's all a priority they say! Wtf.
So yea, then it brings me to me, dealing with this much chaos at work makes it seem like a high amount of chaos in my life is normal. I'm just now learning to control this.
I've had to do a lot of growing up as a person and as a developer. I've went from being the most junior to about the 3rd most seniors and I've no doubt my efforts have contributed to the growth of the company.
I'm a big believer in coding flow, and that it takes at least 15 mins to get in that flow and about 5 seconds to break it. There is no do not disturb on the company chat, everything always on fire it seems.
So fuck a lot of this, but I've done the research and where I'm at is the best opportunity in a 100 mile radius. So I am thankful for this job. Plus I usually win the horror story contest.

So TL;DR the biggest distraction is every fucking thing in this god forsaken place.

I have a project at work that involves learning a bunch of AWS stuff and rewriting a couple credential-generating scripts. I don't even know what the ask is, apart from some high-level "make this SSO" so ... idfk.

I am so incredibly bored of it (and burned out in general) that I can't even look at it.

I would rather see how many times it takes to beat my head against the wall to make a hole than think about this ticket again.

"Oh, I thought you would find that fun" No. No I do not. I can't even bring myself to look at it anymore. "Well, try to push through it and get it outta here!" Ughhhhh

I hope Russia nukes the bloody company.

Started work: 9:30am
Finished work: 9:30pm

Finally finished my "basically done" ticket from two days ago, though I'm still not sure if it's behaving correctly. It deals with the Apple wallet and iPhone notifications, and all I have is an emulator, so. 😕 Things work as expected maybe half the time? and idfk why. I'm going to leave the actual testing to QA since they have actual iPhones and it'll run on staging on actual servers with actual connectivity and actual pushes, so maybe then things will actually make sense. Until then? So done.

Started drinking: 9:30pm
Finished drinking: TBD

<media lyrics="I don't know what the fuck just happened but I don't really care, imma get the fuck up outta here. Fuck this shit i'm out" />

Well I just had a breakdown a few hours ago.. For a too calm guy like me it's really rare, but also not surprising. I have my third deadline in a row, haven't really seen people over the last month. Thanks guys for helping me survive socially during this month, I'm a very social guy usually, so I really needed that.
Apart from that, last time I was hopeful about my schedule and sent it to my advisor she called me the day after shouting that it's not realistic and I'll never be done on time. I could have worked harder on February, that's true, but for fuck sake she ruined all of my motivation in a 10 minute call.
I wish I liked what I'm doing. I wish people I work with would have appreciated what I'm doing and encourage me. I wish I was 2 weeks to the future when I have not even a slight thing to worry about.
Get me outta here 😩

"Fuck this shit! I'm outta here!" - works very well with everything.

When in internship you have to read 150000 lines of code to make changes and the code does not have any comments, no indentation, no documentation, no wiki. You'll be like fuck this shit. I'm outta here.

Ok, so I basically spent my weekend trying to work out why the fuck my python docker container would not connect to my mariadb docker container. Tried fucking everything, bridged network, host network, links (even though theyre deprecated), you name it. It would NOT WORK!

In my despair I finally turned to StackOverflow. There I was told 5min after posting the question that the reason was probably that mysql is a quite heavy service, which takes a bit to start up.

I thought to myself "Oh, get the fuck outta here, that can't be it, shit's way too easy to work!"
I tried it nevertheless by adding a 10sec delay before querying the database AND THE MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ACTUALLY WORKS!! So, I essentially just lost a weekend because I was too impatient... I think I'm gonna punch some trees now.

Joined this new team which said to have a rockstar teamlead with his right hand rockstar drummer senior dev. Turns out its just 2 socially awkward dudes who come into office once a week and all they care about is doing their own tasks and calling it a day.

The rockstar senior teamlead actually turns out to be an ex QA guy whos doing development only for the past 2 years and is unable yo explain what his code is doing and just starts rambling. I didnt expected spoon-feeding type of mentoring but man calling them and trying to get some advices makes me wanna die everytime. Fuck. My. Life.

I took matters into my own hands, Im doing pretty well actually and already am delivering, but man, if they dont give me a raise after probation ends then fuck this Im outta here. This is not what I signed up for.

These fuckers are pretentious egomaniacs who look good in their linkedin page but in reality are selfish narcissists.

Im getting tired of this fucking scrum team.

First of all let me introduce our backend team which takes 3 weeks to add one fucking column to database and in the end turns out they fucked up RabbitMQ RPC implementation so the column is not syncing with our app at all so now we have to wait 2 extra weeks until that will be working. Best part is that backend fucker who fucked up doesnt even feel like hes blocking a feature and would rather sit for extra few days and do nothing until he gets reassigned his pile of shit back to him than clean up his own shit.

Then we have business analytic who doesnt know how to define tasks properly so I have to record each grooming meeting so I would know what to fucking implement because he doesnt even bother to take proper notes. Which results in not fully defined tasks, which results in unexpected behaviours and MR's stuck in limbo for weeks.

Also lets not forget QA guy who doesnt even bother writing scenarios, I as an app dev have to write them myself just to be sure that fucker will test everything thoroughly.

Then we have fucking devs from consultancy agency who apparently have 6 years of experience (I have barely 2) and these fuckers are spamming me daily with the most basic questions. After each grooming they rush to assign themselves tasks which are not even defined properly yet and not even in this sprint, but fuckers are lazy so thy want to reserve easier tasks for themselves. Pathetic.

At least I have a decent senior on my team, but sometimes he patronizes me so much that I start asking me what I am doing in this team.

Fuck this shit, I asked for a 43% raise and if Im not getting it in 2-3 weeks im outta here. Fuckers.

Compiling software on Linux:

Python interpreter? Easy peasy, just some dependencies here and there. Make does a good job.

Linux kernel? Piece of cake, 20 years of development will be freshly served on your machine after one hour compiling (I have a pretty powerful computer).

Tensorflow? Fuck this shit I am outta.

What is your story with self-built software? Which piece of code has the most terrible dependency hell?

To all web devs adding cookie-nags on your companys pages: stop that! Now! No where does that cookie law require you to ruin your site with nagging popups. Where's the focus on usability?

And the rule about informed consent? Which normal user (like my mother) knows what that means anyway? I call bs! Politicians, don't get me started.

Every user on the internet goes JMIGA: Just Make It Go Away, click whatever making that crap disappear.

What user will go "holy shit, they're using cookies!! I'm outta here!" No one in the history of the internet, that's who. Argh.

Finally got a new job! Outta here!

Just got out of a meeting that I drove half an hour for (that could easily have been a damn phone call), for hand off stuff with the agency my company has hired to replace me.

I've talked to their senior dev a few times in the past, and he always struck me as an arrogant asshole. I assumed this meant that he had some level of competence to justify this attitude, but evidently not. Turns out he and his employees are a bunch of fucking idiots who don't even know how to use the command line, or anything but a cms with stock themes.

I'm taking all of the specific public stuff I've done for my employer off my resume as soon as I get back, because these dudes are going to fuck it up worse than a soup sandwich.

I'm so sick and tired of people feeling threatened when improving upon their shitty code! I'm here to do a job and I enjoy my profession.

Don't take that away from me by wasting my time making me say every fucking time that I come from a good place and that I just want to provide a better solution AND not create fucking mess that will have to be rewritten when some ninja bugs occur because of completely unmaintainable crap nobody can understand. Holy shit!

I couldn't care less if you're 10 years in the company. I see that all the good devs left after dealing with your shit every God damn day.

I'm not here to deal with your insecurities and couldn't care less about pointing fingers! I just wanna do better and not write same level of quality over and over again!

You're not getting bonus points from me by sitting on your ass all day and half-assing everything you do with some lame ass excuse.

So no LGTM from me when it's utter error prone shit!

So if you don't wanna help, just get the fuck outta my way and don't waste my time! Jeeez

Joined small scale-up months ago. I literally want to punch one of my coworker. Constant mental harassement, self-declared lead, rude and impolite. That coworker is socially awkward in the baddest and meanest way.

Oh boi.

Founders seems to not give a crap even if they told me they want a flat hierarchy. They let that coworker off the hook.

Not even mentioning that culture of oppression and repression.

If you're late you must bring chocolate and they'll remind you 256 times a day. Oh boy, I'm not late... I just don't want to come in the office.

Also, the code is atrocious.

What seemed like a dream job at first turned out to be a nightmare. Never been bullied since I started working. Now, I have a bully and a nemesis.

Ooooh boy.

Just had a recruiter contact me, and found this gem in their text:

"We work with MS stack and SQL Server, but we really think JavaScript is the way of the future"

Motherfucker, JavaScript can hardly tell basic types apart, how the fuck you gon' run a relational database with it!? And if you're not, then why the fuck are you running a relational database in the first place!?

Fuck outta here!

Product manager: When building new features, we find we have bugs that reappear in other parts of the app where the bug was solved before. We have to find a solution to this issue.

Dev: These are called regressions, they happen all the time in software development.

Product manager: ...

Dev: Fuck outta here! Its friday!

So I'm in a meeting with the Company director where I'm contracting for a few months. She is explaining the company history, goals etc. I can feel my eyes drooping, my head tilting and my body sloooowly sliding of my chair. Im literally fighting to stay awake. She is about to explode and go crazy BUT the business manager flies in explains to her that I have a medical condition known as narcolepsy...meaning I could be half way through a conversation and I fall asleep and it's not anything more than that

....When she said my name is thought to myself yep I'm outta here...

Meetings.
You want to ask me if a button could change behavior?
Instead of asking me directly and have an answer in 5', let's have a meeting with 5 other persons who don't give a shit!
Let's have coffee! Hey, why not hold a meeting to choose where? Please take me outta here...
That's how you justify your job here: by polluting other people.

I swear I will KILL the next one who comes to me to pimp up his excel sheet WITH FUCKING VBA -.-

This shit is so annoying.... Just because I started my apprenticeship and need to learn everything like a 3 year old kid...
Get me outta here!

When they heard you are a developer: "Can you fix my printer?"
...
I'm outta here, bro!

I'm sure everybody here knows that when you lend a usb to somebody, your coworker or friend... THEY NEVER GIVE IT BACK. And you can't ask it back outta nowhere because it will make you seem like a cheapskate. You can't also ask them in a casual conversation too because you are not that close (if it's coworker or a friend you don't talk much to anymore). And even if you ask them they still won't give it back because they usually have the memory of a goldfish. So you go buy a new usb.. knowing that it will also disappear.

!dev

So I work at a monitoring station (yeah not a professional dev yet), so basically our entire day is spent on the phone. Yesterday morning, our phone system broke. Everyone is getting calls from all departments. Even departments they're not in.

As if my job isn't stressful enough as it is, now this fucking thing happens, and whattya know, shit still isn't working today...

Today's meeting killed again more than an hour, were my relevant part was about 15min.

Way off topic but maybe someone has experience here..

I've over 11years experience as software engineer, mostly in Fintech with a couple of years in Telecom all in Europe (German passport)
I'm 100% self-taught, straight outta high school, no college or other degrees.

Is here anyone who managed to get in to the US without a degree and if so, how did that work?

I held a limited visa before but that was bound to my dad's visa and my brother recently got his work visa approved. Don't know it that might help..

Hey y'all!
this is my first post, so mind me if my question sounds obvious, but googling around it gave me contradicting articles.
I wanted to ask if there's the possibility to make a living off being an AI developer outside my country (Italy), because, like I wrote in my bio, despite a CS degree and specialization in machine learning, the only jobs I landed were about maintaining useless outdated webapps. I can tell you that the first job's project was a JSP/servlet app that could run only in internet explorer (yes, internet explorer, in 2019), maybe you won't believe me, but if you do, maybe you can partially understand why I want to flee my place.
Add that I had to commute by train + subway to get to work, losing some 3 extra hours a day because of that.

I mean, if I really have to take the hassle of public transit in order to work, at least I want to enjoy it a bit. Please get me outta here.

Holy fucking shit. Trying to earn magic internet money or start my own business is much harder than i expected. Its so fucking exhausting. Now that i tried (and of course failed) and when i come back to this traditional 9-5 job hunting slave shit... I can't believe how easy having a job is! Are you kidding me. Having a job is like the simplest thing someone can do. Sure id earn at least a minimum wage and sure i wouldn't be happy but i can get a job and then what? How is $500/month gonna solve all of my problems + my gfs problems + my parents problems? Fuck outta here. What must a dev do to get paid high salary shit. This shits ridiculous. Please send me links of some remote work websites where i can actually apply and get hired for a decent salary

Last week was crazy. Major clients needed attention and we don’t have enough developers. How can someone not start to make mistakes.

Meanwhile mr manager runs off like he’s outta here and blaming us. Goddammit

Today.

"I gotta.. get out of here... I gotta GET OUT OF HERE ! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE !"

wish it was the nurse honestly.

Recently saw that Visual Studio 2022 preview build, I guess 4 is here, so any idea if this one is more stable? Like I had the 3rd preview build and sh!t was the worst. Felt like riding a bullock cart. Even the indent guides vanished outta nowhere. So guys?

Another loyal snake... GTF outta here